Little Fish, Big Fish
by Michelle M. Marie
Summary: Collab between Paige Parkker BPOV & Michelle M Marie EPOV.A/H OOC Follows the life of Bella and Edward as they meet in high school, eventually parting painfully, only to reunite as adults – in very different circumstances.
1. Blow Jobs and Hearses

**Story Title: **Little Fish, Big Fish  
**Story Summary: **Little Fish, Big Fish follows the life of Bella and Edward as they meet in high school, eventually parting painfully, only to reunite as adults – in very different circumstances.  
**Chapter One :** Blow jobs and Hearses  
**Note: **Bella POV is written by Paige Parkker and Edward POV is written by Michelle M Marie

_Michelle M Marie author note: Hey all!! So this is a new collab project done between myself and Paige Parkker (who is a phenomenal woman. You will all learn what I mean when you read her BPOV. I mean...I adore her. Plain and simple...she rocks my socks off)._

_HUGE THANKS to Project Team Beta...for not only beta-ing this work of art, but also for existing. Cause without you, I wouldn't have been able to bother Ms. Parkker enough to make her submit to collaborating with me. Heh!_

_I feel compelled to say that neither Paige nor I own Twilight or any related characters. But Robert Pattinson owns both of us (hells YES I am speaking for you, PP)_

**Bella POV**

The side curtain had been snagged by a bag exposing the outside view. It was sometime between night and dawn, just before the sky turned pink and Big Blue predominated. The stars would be fading and the moon would be getting its jammies on for some serious daytime slumber. I could hear birds waking up and various critters scurrying across the ground and among the trees.

Jazz and I had decided to camp out in the back of my 1960 Cadillac Landau Hearse. Best vehicle ever. Better than those stupid new SUVs. It could carry all your shit and it still ran like a charm. Plus the paint job was perfect - Jazz and I had painted our interpretation of van Gogh's _Starry Night_ on the sides and hood a month ago. Admittedly we had probably smoked too much pot when we did it, but I thought it was fucking perfect. Jazz thought it needed sparkles. _"It can't be a starry night without stars Bells-a-bub!"_ Maybe. I needed to contemplate this some more. Sparkles? Maybe sequins? Rhinestones? Not an easy decision to make.

This whole journey seemed surreal. Another crazy trip in the LSD soup that was my life. Toronto to Forks. Back to my roots, yo. It was only a month ago that _she_ died, and here we were outside of Spokane on our way to see a man about a horse. A man who was never much more than a baby gravy chef. And we were on our way to shack up with him. In her letter she said it was important to get to know the man. The fuzz. Chief Swan. Charlie. _"Give your dad a chance Bella. Despite all my bullshit, he really is a good guy." _We would see.

There had already been some friction between me and the Fuzz over Jazz. He wasn't so impressed that my right-hand man would be coming with me to Forks, and was equally not impressed that Jazz would be living with us. It was fair to say that he nearly blew his wad when I told him that we would be sharing a room, too. The Fuzz had refused. I refused to come if my demands were not met. The United States may not negotiate with terrorists, but Charlie Swan did, and in the end my demands were met.

Charlie didn't understand my Jazz. Not many did. _She_ did though. _She_ got it when _she_ saw us together for the first time at the ripe old age of seven. We were living in LA at the time and I had just started in a new school. I'd been playing on the monkey bars and some older grunts came over to pick on me. Guess they had never seen a girl hang upside down in a skirt before. _"We can see your panties! I see London, I see France, I see Bella's underpants!" _Jazz came over and punched the ringleader right in the chops. When the ruffians had run, he turned to me and smiled. _"I'm Jasper. I like your Wonder Woman undies. I wear Spiderman."_ He dropped trou right in the playground, showed me his undies, and from that moment on we were inseparable.

Jazz hadn't had it very easy growing up. His dad was splitsville and his mom, Charlotte - Char for short - was a drunk and an addict. She hooked to bring home the bacon, but most of that dough went to booze and smack. The few times _she_ and I went to pick Jazz up for a play date, Char was passed out on the floor or had a customer calling. _She_ was not impressed the first time I walked in to see Char licking stick in the kitchen. There was never any food in the apartment, no clean clothes, and Jazz would always be sporting a new bruise. This went on for a few years. Child services didn't seem to care, so one day we picked Jazz up to go to the movies and never brought him back. There were no police reports, no face on a milk carton, no Amber Alert, no nothing. Jazz was ours. _She_ eventually took care of all the legal mumbo-jumbo to make Jazz legally ours.

'Cause our place wasn't very big, and we didn't have much moolah, Jazz and I always shared a room. I'd sleep on the bed and he'd sleep in his sleeping-bag-pillow fort on the floor. Eventually he would find his way into the bed and we would spoon. His arms would wrap tight around me like I might slip away. _She_ always thought it was so cute, called us her twin souls, peas in a pod. It got to the point where we just couldn't sleep without each other. As we got older, though, _She_ thought that maybe it wasn't such a good idea for us crazy kids to share a room, let alone a bed.

_"Mom, s'not like we fuck like bunnies all night. We sleep." _

_"Be cool Ma-Renee. You won't be a young Grannie."_

When _She_ married Phil, the same objection was raised. I went on the pill to ease her concerns, and then banged one of Jazz's friends. A girl has to try that shit out.

It wasn't like Jazz and I had never explored. Shit, who else but your best friend could experiment with you? Besides, we slept together and morning wood was hard to hide. We never followed in the experimental steps of most horny hormone-driven kids, though. We skipped first base 'cause it was just way too weird; mouths are dirty places. Second base was smokin' at first, but turned into comfort food; Jazz liked to rub my boobs and play with my nipples when he was thinking, or when we were watching a movie. I loved flicking his pierced nipples to annoy him. Third base was soul food, too. It started as some hot doctor and nurse action when we were 13 years old, but now was a way to relieve stress when there was no pot or convenient smoking location. I mean seriously, the way we handled it might as well be some sort of clinical sex therapy:

_"Yo, Bells-a-bub where's those math notes? I'm gunna be in the shitter if I don't pass this exam." _

_"Don't stress, Jazz. Want me to rub one out for ya? Will help with the studying." _

_"If you would be so kind."_

_"If you cum on my shirt, I'll bag ya."_

A little mutual masturbation never killed anyone. Home base was not an option, not that we hadn't tried. It just wasn't our thing. We loved each other and it just seemed too impersonal.

Jazz was my anchor, my vibrator, my dealer, my sounding board, my shoulder, my punching bag, my Siamese twin, my motherfuckin' homie. And now, other than the Fuzz, my only family. Jazz and the Fuzz were it. _She_ was the one that bailed from family.

_She_, Renee, mom, Ma-Renee, whatever name you wanted to call her, had always been dope. Some might have called her a hippie, but I always thought of her as a woman who marched to her own beat. She never liked to stay put; LA was probably the longest we'd stayed anywhere. Once we had Jazz we'd kept on moving. I think _she_ liked to imagine that we were gypsies. We'd throw a dart on a map and off we'd go. Most of the time _she_ flouted convention. _She_ encouraged our interests; _she_ bought me my first camera and Jazz his first guitar. _She_ encouraged our individuality and never judged our style of dress or undress. _She_ encouraged us to experiment with life, as long as we were safe about shit. _She_ liked when we smoked up or got drunk at home so she'd know where we were. Kids liked hanging out at our place, which often caused her some grief with other parents, but _she_ turned on the charm and all was fine. Compared to most of the parents I had met, _she_ had been the shit!

Two years ago _she_ met Phil while we were living at a trailer park just outside of Phoenix. His parents kept a house in the city to escape the cold winters of Toronto. Gotta love the rich. The two met at a cougar bar and it was love at first blow job. Within a week, Phil invited us to live with him at his place in Toronto. _She_ had fallen head over heels for him, despite the age difference. But fuck, sometimes that shit can't be helped. Sometimes that cradle has to be robbed. The guy did have a great ass, and knowing my mom, he was hung like a horse, and had the stamina of the energizer bunny. My mom liked to fornicate, what could I say.

Toronto was a different scene. Whacked out. Shit was tolerated. Chicks could go topless and not get busted. Lesbians and gays could get married. Free fucking health care. That shit blew my mind. The music scene was hot. The art scene was hotter. Easy access to dope. Jazz and I seriously thought we had died and gone to heaven. Most of all, Renee seemed content to stay put.

Phil and Renee got married a few months after we settled in. One big happy family. For awhile.

Then the fighting started. Minor arguments about commitments, us kids, money, and all the other shit that people argue about. Minor turned into major. Jazz and I stayed away from the house a lot to let them sort out their frowns, but nothing seemed to get much better. Marriage counselling. Phil worked late. Renee cried. Phil didn't come home. Renee slept on the couch for days. Phil fucked his secretary. Renee shut down. Phil asked for a divorce. Renee turned into a brain-eating zombie. Jazz and I busted out all the sure fire moves that made her happy before, but all we got were phantom smiles and limp hugs. I guess we weren't a good substitute for a giant cock and a fantastic ass.

I don't really remember all the details from 'that day'. Jazz and I drove the hearse home from school. It reeked of pot, stale Indian food and age. It smelled like fucking awesome; bottle that up and sell it. The school art show was coming up and I had several photographs being displayed. Jazz's band had some gigs at the Horseshoe within the next few weeks. Life was looking good, we just had to get Renee sorted. I remember thinking that maybe after this string we could move somewhere new, start over, be carefree. I parked my baby and hopped out, doing my pee-pee dance. I ran into the house and stopped dead in my tracks. No more pee-pee.

Renee hung gracefully from the upper floor railing, her body motionless in the openness of the foyer, the rope suspending her lifeless body. I don't remember how I felt, or if I felt anything at all. I walked out to the hearse like some sort of robot, grabbed my camera and went back into the house. I took pictures. Jazz walked into the house and froze. _"Jesus Christ! What the fuck are you doing Bells, call the cops!"_ I took pictures. I walked upstairs, untied the rope and watched as her body fell into the foyer. I took pictures. Jazz cried. I couldn't feel. Death had happened and I just couldn't deal.

The Doughnut Connoisseurs showed and conducted their business. Suicide. A letter had been left. I didn't read it, but Jazz did. He was mad. _"Bitch couldn't even stick it out. After all the shit times, all the good times, couldn't stick it out." _I understood, though, even if he didn't. _She_ was a flame extinguished, and she'd had no other choice than to snuff out the embers. Whatever I felt, it wasn't anger. I took pictures. Later I could look at them and decide how I felt.

Death had weird rituals and forced decisions. Phil had wanted no part in anything; his new broodmare forbade him from participating. As her only relative, I'd had to make decisions about funeral arrangements, burial, and what to do with her stuff. Jazz had been my constant throughout, the peanut butter to my toast. The final ritual was the reading of the will. Since I wasn't 18 years old, custody of the minor, Isabella Swan, went to one Charlie Swan. Turns out Renee had a small stash of dough, which was to be split between Jazz and myself. The rest of her belongings were mine.

It didn't take long to get the fuck outta Dodge. Jazz and I packed up what we wanted, tossed it into the hearse, and plotted our course to Forks. Google Maps said it would take a couple of days non-stop driving, but we weren't in any rush to get to Washington. There was pot to be smoked, people to meet, pictures to take, video to shoot and miles of open road. And we did smoke a lot of pot, I shot rolls of film and video, and Jazz jammed with musicians along the way. It almost made me forget the dangling _she_.

Two weeks later we were here, just outside of Spokane at a rest stop camping in the back of a hearse.

Jazz's warm body pressed closer against my back under the piles of sleeping bags, one of his hands sliding under my sweatshirt to cup my breast and the other wrapping around my body and sliding under the waistband of my pants to draw me nearer. His breath tickled the back of my neck, and a few of his dreads fell across my cheek. He rocked us gently.

"Go back to sleep, Bells-a-bub. It's going to be a long day."

**Edward POV**

"Fuck," I said, killing my cigarette on the concrete as stealthily as I could. I looked up and watched as the school secretary, Ms. Cope, approached from the side entrance of Forks High.

Forks High School. The fucking bane of my existence.

"Mr. Cullen, surely you know the policy about smoking on school grounds," Ms. Cope said, frowning.

Or at least I thought that she was frowning. I had never really studied her long enough to tell one facial twitch from another.

I straightened my shirt and jacket, making sure that both items weren't wrinkled from the less-than-savory activities I had just engaged in with Lauren Mallory. So-the-fuck-what if the cigarette that I was inhaling was one of a "semi-post-coital" nature?

Rearranging my face into what I could only hope was the sweetest smile that has ever graced a Cullen's face, I swallowed hard before formulating a quick lie.

"I'm so sorry, Ms..."

"Cope, Ms. Cope," the older woman said, blushing for some unknown reason. Of course I knew her name, but by playing stupid, it gave me another approach to my current circumstances.

Because, fuck me, I had to get myself out of the position I currently found myself in. If Emmett found out that I got caught smoking a cigarette at school-after I received a blow job no less-I would never hear the end of it. Thank fucking GOD I didn't get caught during THAT...there was no way a little bit of sweet talking would get me out of being caught receiving fellatio.

"Ms. Cope, huh? Now how could I forget the name of such a pretty woman?" I said as sweetly as possible, trying not to vomit up the little bit of bile that had crept up my throat. Honestly, the blatant lie that I was telling was wreaking havoc on my system.

The woman in front of me blushed again and shook her head, smiling to herself. Her reaction to my compliment seemed to stall her just long enough for the lunch period to wind down to its final moments.

I carefully pulled my phone out of my pocket and checked the time. Looked like the bell was set to ring in five…four…three…two…

_Ring_

I took a deep breath in relief, saved by the fact that lunch was over. Who the fuck knew that the creators of the television show "Saved By the Bell" were actually onto something when they had named it?

Ms. Cope took a deep breath, the sound of the bell breaking her from her thoughts. She looked at me with a confused expression, and I smiled sweetly at her once more.

"I've got to get to class. I'll see you around, Ms. Cope?" I said, emphasizing the "Ms." I wasn't in the clear quite yet, and I figured it didn't hurt to flirt just a little more for good measure. I swallowed thickly again, making sure that the bile hadn't risen any further up my throat.

"Huh?" she said, turning to me. I noticed that she was still blushing. "Oh, yes," she said, turning and walking back in to the building. "See you around." She didn't even send a last look my way.

I quickly ran my hands though my hair as I concentrated on my surroundings. I looked forlornly down at the cigarette that I didn't get to finish, and watched as my breaths came out as short, white puffs of air. I wished that my breaths were accented by the white smoke that accompanied one while they were smoking a cigarette.

A noise to my right caught my attention, and I squinted, looking into the woods right next to the sidewalk. I watched as Lauren's straggling form ambled out of the bushes and brushed off the small amount of snow that had built up on her jacket.

She caught sight of me and walked over, looping her arm through mine. I quickly shrugged it off and looked at her with distaste.

"What the hell, Edward?" Lauren asked in her godforsaken nasally voice.

"Don't. Touch. Me," I said, trying to control the sudden surge of anger that I felt due to my lack of nicotine. The anger was irrational, and I knew it. I tried to dispel it as soon as I felt it flare up.

She twirled a piece of hair around her finger. "You didn't seem to mind me touching you fifteen minutes ago. What's your problem now?"

My anger was not ceasing, and I fought the urge to grit my teeth. Instead, I pinched the bridge of my nose and frowned again. "What's different _now_? The fact that I didn't get to finish my fucking cigarette. I really needed that smoke. You know, the reason I came outside in the first place?"

Lauren looked at me stupidly as she reached up to put her hair in a ponytail. The bulky jacket that she wore made it difficult for her to do so, and she ended up pulling her hair into an unintelligent, sloppy mess. The bitch LOOKED like she just given head to someone.

_A big thank you goes out to Lauren, for being a stupid whore._ Why not just have her walk around with a sign on her back, telling everyone that she was easy and didn't mind giving blow jobs outside in the dead of January?

Her hair successfully up in an unsuccessful ponytail, Lauren shrugged to me, unable to come up with any words to defend herself. I rolled my eyes, not wanting to continue the conversation, and turned to walk back into school to my next class. I turned around when I realized that Lauren wasn't following me, and saw that she was standing in her original spot with her arms crossed over her chest.

Internally brooding, I shook my head and stared at the woman who was pouting in front of me.

I swear to God, if Lauren wasn't one of the people in my "group" of friends, I wouldn't have anything to do with her. I mean, sure, she knew how to help me get my rocks off, but beyond that, she was insufferable to deal with.

I felt like an actor in that vintage "Nada Surf" video when I think about the group of people that I associate with around the great fucking town of Forks, Washington. Am I "popular"? I guess you could call it that. Are there any students around Forks who are in better social standing than my friends and I? Actually, no, there aren't.

My friends and I made up the best athletes and fucking cheerleaders in the area; student council members, letter jacket wearers, pep rally organizers, ass-kisser-closet-alcoholics extraordinaire.

Emmett, my older brother by one year, is the fucking glue that holds the group of us together. He is Mr. Pep Rally himself; loud and boisterous, he is considered a "high school God" by most people. The guy knows just about everyone, from freshman to seniors to the faculty and staff of FHS. If it wasn't for Emmett, there is no way in hell I would be who I am today.

Would I be next in line for star quarterback? Student council Vice President? Person who fools around with Lauren Mallory during school hours? Hell no. But do I have to put on a show, now that Carlisle and Esme are used to the way Emmett behaves? You bet your ass I do.

Sometimes I felt as though I had dug myself into a hole that there was no way out of. Regardless of the fact that Emmett is graduating this year, leaving his "legacy" to yours truly, I'll never be able to lower the façade I've made for myself.

I will always be "that guy": popular without trying, captain of whatever flipping team I try out for, big fish in a small pond. The friends that I have now are the ones that will always look back at our days in high school and refer to them as our "glory days".

Glory days my ass. I would rather forget these days than dwell on them.

I shrugged my shoulder in Lauren's direction as I motioned for her to follow me into the building. For reasons unknown to me, she let out an annoyingly high-pitched giggle, rushed up, and grabbed my arm. Again.

I looked down at her pointedly, and I resisted the urge to slap her hand away from me. _Esme taught me better than to hit girls_, I calmly reminded myself.

Lauren and I walked into the school and I cast a glance over my shoulder to make sure that she walked to her own locker instead of following me to my own. Satisfied that she was successfully intercepted by Jessica, her equally idiotic best friend, I walked full speed to my locker to gather materials for my next class.

_As if I cared about my next class._ Ha, the idea was almost laughable. I truthfully did not care about any of my classes, and only attended because Carlisle threatened to take away my Audi TTS Coupe. It's not my fault that I learn more by glancing at a textbook than listening to the crap the teachers of FHS considered "lecture" worthy.

Grabbing my notebook so I could pretend to take notes in my next class, I barely pulled myself out of the way as Mike Newton and Tyler Crowley came barrelling towards my locker.

"Damnit, Newton, watch where you're going," I said, staring at the Neanderthals in front of me.

"Sorry E, just wanted to see what you were doing after school today," Tyler apologized, as he ran a hand through his short hair.

I groaned as I shrugged out of my jacket. "Carlisle is home tonight for the first time in what seems like a month. Esme is cooking his favorite dinner to celebrate the fact that he is actually going to be home with his adoring family," I replied sarcastically. "Sorry guys,"

I shouldn't treat Mike and Tyler like they were bad people, because they weren't. Unlike Lauren or her best friend, Jessica, neither Mike nor Tyler were overly stupid or vapid. It seemed that their worst fault was that they coveted being like Emmett or me so much that it was beyond annoying.

_I get it, Emmett is "cool". Doesn't mean that you have to dress like him and wear your hear like he does and use the same cologne and deodorant that he does and listen to the same music as he does. Grow a personality, guy; preferably one of your own._

The almost stalker-ish tendencies of Newton and Crowley were disturbing, especially since their primary "target" was Emmett. What the hell were they going to do when he is away at college next year? Surely they can't gain personalities of their own before the end of the school year...

I shuddered at the thought.

Tyler held his fist up for a "fist bump" and I lifted my fist to his. I felt more and more like a pussy every time I participated in his idiotic exit strategy. And of course, it was something that he had "taken" from Emmett. Four years ago, when that shit was considered "cool".

Giving a quick wave over my shoulder to Mike, I walked the last few steps to class.

As I sat in my chair, Jessica turned to me from her seat located across the room and blew me a kiss. Apparently she had the kind of "best friends forever" relationship with Lauren in which they can "share" guys. As if I would be a willing participant in that.

Over my dead body.

Fuck. I fucking hate high school.

XXX

I took one last puff from my cigarette before I flicked it into the perfectly trimmed bushes that were right outside "Casa de Cullens" front door. Jorge, the groundskeeper, would be able to take care of that for me in the morning. Might as well give him something to do tomorrow. What's the point in having a groundskeeper in the winter, anyway?

I tossed my book bag in the front foyer closet and headed into the kitchen, where a fantastic aroma was permeating the air.

"Esme, you wonderful woman you," I said to my mother as I leaned in to give her a hug. She squeezed my shoulders tightly before looking me in the eyes. She smiled from ear to ear before letting me go.

"Edward, darling. Thank you so much for being on time tonight, it means a lot that we are able to squeeze in some family time before Em goes to college next year. Emmett and Rosalie are waiting for your father in the great room. Care to join them? I can finish things up here by myself," Esme said, wiping her clean hands on her apron.

"Nah, I'm fine right here with my dear old mum," I said in a fake British accent, as I walked over to the kitchen island and sat down at one of the stools.

Esme smiled again and turned back to her cooking. "So," she called over her shoulder, "how was school today?"

I flippantly shrugged my shoulders. "Would you be surprised if I said that 'school was school'?"

My mother smirked before she walked over to me and ruffled up my already messy hair. I shrugged away from her touch and jokingly glared at her, before grabbing her hands and placing them at her sides. "Woman," I teased playfully, "you know I don't like people messing with my hair."

"Oh, how you have grown," Esme replied, as she walked over to the stove and stirred whatever was in the pot. "Dinner is almost done. Want to set the table, dear?"

I quickly got up from the kitchen island and headed over to where the dishes were located. I didn't complain about helping Esme around the house, considering I was required to help her about once every...six months.

Esme, no matter how domesticated she would like to be, is simply too busy to do anything domestic. My mother was a world-renowned author who writes under the penname Tanya Denali. Don't know who she is? Fuck that, I call your bluff. "Tanya Denali" has not only been on the NY Times best seller list since I can remember, but she was also a household name.

Esme was a phenomenal writer, and regardless of how masculine Carlisle may or may not act, she was also the breadwinner of the household. I bet my inheritance that fact chaps Carlisle's ass. Most likely the reason for him needing to micromanage my and Em's lives is due to the fact that he doesn't have control of much else around the house.

_Oh Esme, how I adore you. Not only because you are my mother, but also because you torture my father in ways that you don't even know about. Cause Carlisle's not the type of guy who enjoys having his wife wearing the pants in the family, if you know what I mean._

Not long after I set the table, Carlisle arrived home and made his grand entrance into the kitchen. He called Emmett and his girlfriend Rosalie into the dining room and didn't even pause before he took a seat at the head of the table. Esme followed behind him with the food, and she set it on the table before taking a seat across from my father at the other end of the table.

_Eat that, Carlisle._

"Did you make dinner tonight, Esme?" my father asked as he unfolded his napkin and placed it on his lap like the perfect little gentleman that he tried to pretend to be around Rosalie.

"Yes," Esme said, brushing her hair behind her ears. "I gave Maria the night off tonight so I could make my family a nice, home-cooked meal."

"I see," Carlisle replied, dishing himself out a portion of food before he passed it to Rosalie. It's amazing just how much Carlisle adored Rosalie. Makes me puke a little in my mouth just thinking about it. Poor Emmett. Maybe he should have found someone that his father _didn't_ look at like a Christmas ham. That's my fucking plan.

"How'd your day go, Dr. Cullen? Anything new and exciting to report?" Rosalie said in the sweetest voice that I had ever heard her conjure up. Rosalie was anything _but_ sweet-unless she was around my family, of course. Or her teachers. She had a "reputation" to hold up as student council president and head cheerleader. Outside of those social interactions, she was the nastiest bitch I have ever met in my entire existence.

"Same old, same old, Rosalie," Carlisle answered, smiling. "However, I did hear a bit of gossip around the water cooler this morning," my father said, taking a drink of the brandy that he had poured himself. Rich people and brandy go hand in hand in our "neck of the woods".

I looked over at my mother to see her silently laughing to herself. Something about Carlisle "gossiping like a little girl with the nurses" gets to her every time. Not that I blame her, 'cause that shit is funny.

"Whaddya hear, dad?" Emmett asked after he took a big gulp from the milk he had in front of him. Bastard was 100% stereotypical, right down to drinking his milk and taking his vitamins.

"Seems that Chief Swan's daughter is moving back to town. Area's all abuzz about the situation," Carlisle answered, taking another bite of his food.

Esme swirled her wine, watching the liquid crawl down the sides of her glass before she lifted it to her lips and took a sip. "That's what happens in a small town, children. Nothing better to do than gossip."

I scoffed at her comment, but thought about poor Chief Swan Jr. that was moving into the most godforsaken town on the Olympic Peninsula.

_I bet that girl has no idea what the fuck she is even getting into._


	2. Myrtle and the Orange Final

**Note: **Since Bella POV is written by Paige Parkker and this chapter is all BPOV…the genius located in this chapter is all hers. Do I feel like a douche for publishing a chapter under my account that is strictly written by her? Yeah, a little. Okay…a lot. But it's necessary to the story, so here ya go!

Enjoy…B is pretty much my hero. Oh, and so is Paige Parkker.

We still don't own anything Twilight. And RPatz still owns us (thanks for the Vanity Fair shoot, RP! That shiz is BEYOND hot).

* * *

**Bella POV**

Some people like the smell of eggs, bacon and coffee in the morning. Others like the smell of napalm. Not me, Sir! No indeed. The sweet smell of Jazz and our dear lover Mary-J was bliss indeed. Nectar of the Gods.

"Bells-a-bub, better wake up girl and get your ass outta that bag. We gotta long drive if we are gunna make your Pop's by tonight." The water in the bong gurgled.

I opened one eye, wiped the drool from the corner of my mouth and reached blindly for Mad Bomber Myrtle. It was important to give your bong a name. It established a relationship, a bond. Mad Bomber Myrtle was unassuming but she packed a punch. Excellent choice for a wake-and-bake. I took Myrtle in my hands and inhaled deeply, feeling Mary-J tickle all my little alveoli. Oh Mary-J, you are such a good woman. A few hits left me pleasantly sedated. I gave Myrtle back to Jazz and rummaged through our bags for some clothes. I wanted to look good when I met the Fuzz. First impression is always key.

I stripped out of the clothes I had worn to bed, pulled my fur-lined hat with ear flaps over my bed head and shimmied out the back of the hearse. I hoped the Fuzz liked my hat. It had a Sheriff's star on the front.

"Bells-a-bub, don't forget your Pops is the big 5-0. Buck is probably not the best outfit for today."

"I'm not a wankpot Jazz. Just need some room to get dressed."

I pulled on a torn pair of jeans and slipped a tweed skirt over top. Nothing says classy and sophisticated like a tweed skirt. I put on my best button up shirt and struggled to put a t-shirt over top. Would have helped to take my hat off, but sometimes you just don't think of these things. I added a tie to my ensemble and turned to face Jazz.

"Whatdya think?"

"It's missing one thing," he said placing a finger to his lips. "I know, I know!" he reached into the back of the hearse and took out a pair of oversized sunglasses. He pushed them onto my face. "Perfection."

"Think he'll love it?" Normally I wouldn't give a pig-donkey's left nut, but this was the man whose sperm helped make me. Guess I felt like his approval meant something.

"'Course he'll love it, girl. Who wouldn't? You're a star!"

I gave Jazz a big hug and climbed into the passenger seat. I rummaged under the seat and pulled out a bag of Cheetos. MMMMMMM... ORANGE. My favourite of the four food groups. There was the Orange group, the Gummi group, the Green Group and the Chocolatey-goodness Group. Nothing else existed and the Orange group was the best of them all. I ate while Jazz drove.

---------  
"Bells-a-bub, look, sign for Forks. Population 3,120. Fuck. Where's the paper with the directions, girl?"

I searched through the glove compartment and pulled out a wrinkled email, and about 15 chocolate bar wrappers. Damn you Chocolatey-goodness Group!

"Yup, here." I shoved the paper at Jazz. I was nervous. The Fuzz always made me nervous, but this Fuzz was my Dad. What the hell were we getting ourselves into?! Maybe I needed some Myrtle in my life before we got there. Or some tranqs, or a lobotomy.

I pressed my face to the window, taking in the buildings and scenery. This looked like a good place to get lost. Maybe make a movie. Grow some dope. I could see why _she_ wouldn't have liked it though. Not her style. People stared. This was a talkin' town. Whispers were shared like maggots on a dead horse. _She_ didn't like that kind of involvement. You had to be carefree. Live life like you were in a tampon commercial.

Jazz stopped the hearse in front of a modest house with blue siding.

"We're here Bells-a-bub. You sure you wanna do this, girl? We can always hit the open road and see where we get."

"I gotta do it, Jazz. I mean, if it blows goats we can always splitsville, right?"

"You just say the word Bells-a-bub and I'll bring the chariot."

"My dreadknight. Where would I be without you?" I gave him a kiss and scrambled out of the car.

Jazz met me and I reached out to hold his hand. We walked up the path toward the house, but before we got to the door the Fuzz came out.

"Isabella? Is that really you?"

'Uhm, yea. Was when I got up this morning. So, I uh, guess you are Charlie. I mean the daddio. Dad."

Jazz stuck his hand forward. "Hello, Chief Swan. I'm Jasper Whitlock. Nice to meet you."

The Fuzz looked Jazz over. Sizing him up like we were 'bout to duel in the front yard. He took Jazz's hand, "Nice to meet you young man."

The three of us stood there in awkward silence.

"Guess you'll want to be settling in then. I'll show you inside."

Jazz squeezed my hand and we skedaddled into the house behind the Fuzz. Good thing the Fuzz didn't ask too many questions.

The place looked pretty granny-fied, was just missing the dead lace circles. It could do with some colour, beads, lights, milk crates and a good saggy sofa. Oh yea ... maybe some motherfuckin' bean bag chairs. And a hookah! Every living room needed a hookah.

"Isabella, your room is still upstairs. It, uh, hasn't changed much. Jasper, I set a room up for you in the basement."

"Oh Hells no! Jazz and I are together. Those were the conditions." I clung to Jazz, standing my ground. The Fuzz wasn't about to fuck with my Jazz.

"Isabella, I will not let you share a room, let alone a bed with a boy. Renee may have been okay with that, but I'm not."

"Jazz, we're splitsville. Was nice to meet and greet ya, Charlie. We'll be outta your hair in a jiffy."

"Isabella please, you have nowhere to go. And ... and I want to get to know you. You've grown up, and I've missed out."

"Deal was Jasper and I are a team. Batman and Robin, and not the new one either. Old Batman and Robin. He stays with me, or we're both out."

Jazz remained quiet behind me. I could see the Fuzz's face consider the options.

"Fine. But I don't like it, and it will change."

I turned and gave Jazz the big thumbs up sign.

"A'ight. I'll start bringing in our gear," Jazz smiled.

---------------------------------------

I woke up with my nose buried against Jasper's neck and his dreads falling over my head. His arms were wrapped tightly around me, holding me close. It was like that with us. Never letting go.

"Hey Jazz?"

"Yea Bells-a-bub?"

"We gotta get up and get registered for a McEducation."

He pulled me closer, throwing a hairy leg over mine.

"We gotta? So early?"

"Pretty sure the Fuzz would shit bricks ifn' we didn't."

"Sure thing, Bells-a-bub."

Jazz dragged himself out of bed and unceremoniously dumped me onto the floor. He snickered and headed into the bathroom, scratching his ass.

What does a girl wear to a new school? This called for some sweet threads. Striped tights, a long ripped up tutu, knee-high docs, a Pixies t-shirt, suspenders and a hoodie. Plus my fur hat, glasses and the colourful necklace that looked like anal beads; picked that one up in New York. Hell, they probably were anal beads. Jazz walked in wearing his cargo pants, a grey wool sweater and his tam. He hadn't shaved in a while and was starting to look like Sasquatch. I loved Sasquatch Jazz. He grabbed his messenger bag and followed me downstairs.

The Fuzz was already sitting at the table sippin' some black tar.

"You kids going to the school today?"

"Yes'sir! Young minds need discipline and education."

"Don't bullshit me, son."

Jazz hid his grin and turned to make me some grub. Gummi worms in a bowl and some orange juice.

"That's what you're having for breakfast?" Charlie asked me, raising a furry brow.

"Uh, yea. Covers two of the four food groups. The Gummi Group and the Orange Group." I shoved a fork full of worms into my mouth. I could see the Fuzz watching me with his suspicious law eyes.

"Isabella, are you on drugs?"

"Whoa! Drugs!" I said, throwing my fork down. "They'll rot your mind! Not me. Stay far away from the stuff." Gummi worms escaped from my mouth. "Well, nice to break the fast with you Charl-Dad. Jazz and I need to head off to the school. We'll see you later."

I jumped up, grabbed Jazz and ran out of the house climbing into the driver's seat of the hearse. "The Fuzz is onto us!" I started the engine and squealed out of the drive – as much as an awesome hearse can squeal. "Roll a fatty and we can smoke that bitch on the way."

"Your wish is my command!"

Smoking the cannon Jazz had rolled, we drove to the school. I could see the fair townspeople of Forks coveting the awesomeness of my painted hearse. A pimped out hearse was a sight to behold. Rare. Antique. A fucking work of art. Shit yeah!

I found us a parking spot in the lot. Mostly clunkers, and mom vans, but there were a few pricey pugs. Two pricey pugs in particular seemed to have questers of knowledge glued to them. They wore strange uniforms - the penis group had jackets of the same colour and the uterus group wore ridiculous matching dresses. Species Jock and Cheerleader.

I grabbed Jazz's hand. "Have we travelled to hell? Is this bat country?" I put my oversized sunglasses on, hoping for a cloak of invisibility, and because I was baked. I knew bat country only existed in a movie, but it didn't hurt to be prepared.

"Bells-a-bub, I don't think we are in Kansas anymore."

They parted like the seas as we walked to the administration building. Everyone was giving us the eye... some the roly-poly-stink-eye.

"I'm feeling this is splitsville, Jazz."

"It'll be a'ight Bells-a-bub. This is a small town. Be cool, cucumber."

Into the mouth of hell, nothing cool about that.

A nice lady named Mrs. Cope helped us with our schedules. Jazz used his usual method of picking electives - the close your eyes, swirl your finger around and point method.

"Women's studies. Wicked. I like studying women."

I was a little more particular in my class selection. If I used that method I might get stuck in gym or something. This girl only runs for cheesy poofs. I opted for something I knew - photography. I wouldn't have to think, just do. Mrs. Cope printed out our prison schedules and provided us with maps of the school. I half expected to see a location for the lucky charms dude.

"We'll see both of you tomorrow for your first day! It will be wonderful having the Chief's daughter back in Forks."

I was a little creeped, gotta say. Was there going to be a welcoming party? I don't think I could handle that shit.

"Yeah. Cool."

Jazz and I hightailed it out of the administration building and back to the hearse; I clung tightly to him.

"I wanna go somewhere and mellow out. Have some smokes, maybe you could tip my velvet. I'm stressin'."

"As you wish Bells-a-bub."

I was starting to think that maybe this whole Forks thing was a bad idea.


	3. Shaggy and the Scoobes

**A/N: BPOV is written by the lovely and talented Paige Parkker (profile link in my profile). The girl is simply amazing, you guys…go check her out. And of course, I am wholly responsible for assholeward POV. Hope you like this chapter :)**

**We still don't own Twilight. But you bet your ass we own this plot!**

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****Bella POV**

Jazz's fingers lazily circled my clit, drawing out the last of my orgasm. My muscles twitched like a motherfucker OD'ing on meth. This man knew all my buttons. I should get him to write a manual. I could pass along to the next twig and berries that decided to grace my patch with stumbling fingers and the ability to charm out a giant 'What the fuck?!' Jazz could school 'em. Best part about a Jazzgasm? The squishy muscle feel after. Fuck getting up or doing anything. Jazzgasms were my heroin, better than Valium.

"That musta been a good one Bells-a-bub. You bit my hand pretty hard."

"Wouldn't want the Fuzz breakin' in while I was busting my nut. Don't think that Dads wanna see their daughter's O face. Dig?"

Jazz laughed and slipped out of the bed.

"Ready for the first day, Mamma B?"

Jazz stretched in front of the window, his pj bottoms hung low on his hips. He licked me off his fingers like a lollipop. I grabbed my camera and snapped a pic of him, my old school Nikon always at the ready. First days always required pictures. We had albums of firsts: first days of school, first kiss, first smoke, first beer, first death, first fuck. And Jazz was one of my favourite subjects. Dude was super fine and if I was that kinda girl, I'd fuck him blue. It always made me a little sad though, and maybe jealous. One day he'd find that kinda girl, and I'd probably lose him - unless she was up to sharing. He did have two sides and I was all for spoonin'. I'd never munched carpet before, but if it meant keeping my rock, I'd try it. Anything for my Jazz. Peas in a pod.

I slid out of the bed on wonky legs and hoped to hell I'd be able to goose step it to the john. Shit, shower, shave; the three 'S' routine of the ante meridiem. I combined steps and shaved in the shower. Nice_ smooth s_natch. I stepped out of the tub to see Jazz sitting on the can reading the newspaper. He had a pipe clenched between his lips.

"Man, this town is quiet. Church is holding a bazaar. Wanna go? I love those crochet condoms they make for teapots."

"Let's get through hell first, k?"

I ran my fingers through my wet hair, brushed my chicklets and flounced back to the bedroom. Jazz had finished dropping the kids off at the pool and was sitting on the edge of the bed in his ratty jeans, blue dashiki and hoodie. He had his dreads all pulled back and secured in a head scarf. He watched as I pulled on my stripped tights, a couple of skirts - never knew what the temperature would be like, my "I snog for drugs" wife beater, a hoodie, some arm warmers, my fur-lined hat and my glasses. I finished it all off with my boots: a blue one and a pink one. One for me, and one for Jazz. I looked in the mirror. Good 'nuff.

"No bra or undies today, Bells-a-bub?"

"Nah, I need to be free today. Bras, undies, just oppression man. It's the man gettin' me down!"

Jazz came behind me and cupped my breasts, rubbing his thumbs across my nipples. They hardened like fresh faces in politics.

"Think they know what snogging is?"

He pinched my nips and laughed. "C'mon, Bells-a-bub. Time to go."

"We got time to toke?"

"Only if you are super quick!"

"Oh fuck! Feel the need. The need for speed," she yelled excitedly.

I grabbed a bag, shoved some paper in it, a few pens and ran down the stairs. Looked like the Fuzz had already gone to work. He'd left a note about having a good day at school, and not getting into trouble. Who gets into trouble? Me? Nah! Guilty peeps get in trouble. Fuck that noise! _She_ wouldn't have left a note like that. If _she_ did anything, it was encourage our mischievous ways.

Jazz drove while I rolled. When we started school in Toronto, it was _she_ that had rolled while I drove and Jazz napped in the back. _She_ was always up for a good smoke. I mean, shit, who wasn't? We stopped a few blocks from Forks High so we could finish puffing the magic dragon. Wouldn't do to let the student body in on our holy communion. I sprayed the patchouli perfume in the hearse, not that it would fool those in the know, and Jazz took us the rest of the way to hell.

This dude, Dante, wrote an awful lot about hell, but it was clear the homeboy had never been to high school. Now, not all corporate learning factories were slumlording bastids. Some were on the ok end of the shit stick, but Forks High School? This place sat somewhere between the 5th and 6th circle. It really could have done with its own circle! Even the buildings were dismal. Nothing screamed life. Not the architecture or the students. I pulled my point and click from my bag and took a few shots as we pulled into the lot. Same mom vans and pricey pugs; nothing as classic as my ride.

"Ready, Bells-a-bub?"

I nodded. We'd done this before. Hundreds of times. But I still got those mothy freaks in my belly. Mothy freaks who didn't like the fact I skipped breakfast.

"Showtime!" Jazz smiled, giving me his best jazz hands.

I kissed him quick, hopped out of the hearse on wobbly pot legs and headed with Jazz to our first punishment.

**Edward POV**

"Oh my fucking God have you guys seen the new kids? Total fucking freaks," Jessica said as she shovelled cafeteria food into her disgusting mouth. Looking at her face for a moment too long, I wondered to myself how in the world Newton was able to make out with _that._ Her lips looked like they were permanently chapped or something. It must be a side effect from blowing all of the guys on the football team.

I guess being a cheerleader had its perks; if you consider blowing the football team a perk, that is. The head that woman gave was shit.

"Tell me about it," Lauren said, smiling at me as she took a bite from the carrot stick that she had in her hand. She was suggestively gripping the carrot and I rolled my eyes. _Your skills aren't so amazing that you should be bragging with a vegetable_, I thought to myself.

"Isabella. Is that her name?" Lauren said, not giving anyone a chance to reply, "whatever. Not like it matters, anyways. She walks into school today dressed like a fuckin' hobo or something. I swear to God, it's as if she dressed herself in the dark, walked out of the house, noticed what she was wearing, and said 'fuck it'."

I internally laughed at her description of Isabella. If something so small as her clothing choices could rile the prissy cheerleaders up, I'd shudder at what other damage she could create here at FHS. And by shudder, I meant I was completely looking forward to it.

"A hobo is right," Rosalie replied, sneering as she took a drink of the Diet Coke resting in front of her. "That bitch has some serious style issues."

Emmett frowned at Rosalie's word choice. "Bitch? So, you have gotten to know her already, and she's a bitch?" Emmett asked earnestly. Emmett's child-like wonder never ceased to amaze me.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and gently patted Emmett's back, treating him as though he were a child. "No baby. I have yet to talk to the Swan spawn. But I don't need to talk to her to know that she has some serious attitude issues."

_And this would be where, if I did not care for my brother, I would pipe up and make some comment about Rosalie's attitude issues._ _Where I would make mention of the fact that I could not tell when she was PMSing cause Bitchalie PMSes all fucking month long. The only time I saw her look up at someone was when she was woken up in the morning by her fucking nanny/maid who was standing directly over her._

But like I said, I would never say any of that to Emmett. Not only was he my brother, but I guess I could say that he was my best friend too and the only thing besides Esme that was keeping me in this Podunk town.

_Fuck. What a little bitch moment I just had, huh? Thinking about the Swan spawn wass making me act like a giant vagina_. _I gotta knock that shit off._

Emmett frowned and Rosalie looped her arm around his and effectively pulled her body closer to his. "It's just," Rosalie cooed in a sweet voice, "someone who thinks that they can get away with wearing what she is wearing must have something wrong with them."

"Why? What is she wearing? A shirt that says 'fuck the police'? Cause that shit would be funny, being that her dad is a cop and all," Emmett said, smiling and fist bumping Mike.

_Fucking Emmett. Prolonging the fist bumping shit should be considered a moral offense._

"Ha, no," Lauren said, taking a bite of her carrot after giving it a pathetic attempt for a blow job. Bet the carrot was glad to be put out of its misery. "Spawn is wearing a nasty ass shirt that says something about sex, two fucking different colored Ugg boots and a short skirt layered on top of a longer skirt, neither of which actually match, topped off with a pair of stripped tights. Not to mention she is wearing some kind of pathetic excuse for sunglasses and her hair looks like she hasn't properly combed it in a long ass time. She looks so stupid I just want to punch her in the fucking mouth or something. And don't even get me started on the new boy."

"Ha. One word: dreads," Jessica piped in, rolling her eyes.

"What's wrong with dreads? I have always thought that they were cool," Tyler stated, bumping his elbow into Lauren's side.

"Ewwww you are so fucking gross, Tyler. Do you even know what dreads are? Like, after you get them, you can't wash your hair like normal people do. And the only way to get rid of them is to basically cut them off. And they smell like ass! Seriously, totally fudgin gross. I wouldn't touch those things with a ten-foot pole," Lauren replied, holding her hand out in front of her and examining her nails.

"Okay, so outside of their looks, has anyone even had a class with either of them? Talked to them or anything like that?" I asked, curious as all hell. _No way were all of these assumptions based strictly on looks._

I mean, since Forks is such a small community, it wasn't often that a new kid moved to town. I think the last new kid we had was Rosalie when she moved here in fifth grade. But because of her dazzling good looks and daddy's endless pocketbook, she was immediately accepted as one of Forks elite.

There wass just no way that my friends launched into a full-on assault of the new kids for no reason other than because of their clothes, right?

I looked around the table and noticed that no one spoke up, indicating that none of my friends had spoken a word to either of FHS's new kids.

_Huh._

"So, the new kids are social pariahs because of what they wear. That's it?" I basically stated, casting a glance around the table once more.

"Do we need another reason, Edward? Like I said, anyone who walks out of the door wearing that clothing has some serious issues goin' on upstairs, if you catch my drift," Rosalie answered, flipping her hair over her shoulder.

I tried to control my face from falling at the admittance of Rosalie's statement. If I was honest with myself, Rosalie's admission and my friend's acceptance of her admission made me feel...shallow. Beyond shallow, actually. I mean, judging someone simply because of what they put on their body?

I was used to shitty behavior, but this just felt beyond shitty. If I didn't know Rosalie, Lauren and Jessica as well as I did, I'd bet that Isabella Swan was attractive, and they all felt _threatened_ by her somehow.

I'd have to meet this broad, this _Swan Spawn_, and confront "Ms Gorgeous Hale" about her fucking insecurity issues. That would be the fucking day, seriously.

But being Emmett's kid brother and one of the populars meant that I was not to take a stance against what the group consensus was regarding a topic or another. Honestly, I hated all that was high school _without_ going against one of Rosalie Hale's opinions.

A small commotion by the lunch line called my attention to the front of the room. There, standing in line, were the two new kids that everyone had been talking about. The new guy appeared to be chill. And by chill I meant _completely baked out of his mind._ The new girl appeared to be...

"Jazz, I have serious concerns about this educational institution. They hardly have any representation from the Orange Group, and the Gummi Group is practically non-existent. How are we supposed to eat?" Her eyes opened wide, her pupils were huge; she was clearly high. "It's a conspiracy, Jazz. I'm not gunna masticate this shit. Orange, Green, Gummi, Chocolately-goodness. That's it. That's all there can be. This, this... brown!" The girl banged her tray.

The new guy stepped behind her and wrapped his arms around her, settling her tray and grabbing a bowl.

"Here, Bells-a-bub. Here's some stuff from Green, some stuff from Orange, and look what I have." The guy pulled a bag of gummi worms from his bag. He took a handful and tossed them on the salad he had just made her. "See, it's gunna be a'ight. Relax."

The new girl slumped against the guy's chest. He closed his eyes and kissed the back of her head.

"C'mon."  
_  
__Peculiar, _I thought to myself. _Didn't these two just move here, together? _Wouldn't that type of move, combined with their age, point to a brother-sister bond, versus what was on display in front of the whole lunch room right now? Cause I almost felt like what I had seen was an intimate moment of sorts. Which was ridiculous when I thought about it, because there was nothing intimate about what they were talking about. I couldn't help the twinge of jealousy that coursed through my veins as I watched the sheer _closeness_ that the two new kids shared. Was I jealous of the new guy and the way the new girl responded to him? Or was I jealous of the relationship that they seemed to share, because I had nothing like that in my life, regardless of how many times Lauren and I hung out?

A little voice reminded me that I have never been jealous of Emmett and his relationship with Rosalie._ But really, jealous of a relationship with Rosalie? The girl I lovingly call "Bitchalie"? Not gonna happen, so the relationship parallels aren't there._

_What the fuck _were_ they talking about anyways? Was the girl serious when she was throwing a fit about the fact that our cafeteria doesn't have enough gummi products? Whatever she was high on must be some premium shit.  
_  
I felt something compelling me to go talk to the new girl. To figure out what was up with her gummy worm obsession if anything else.

"See? Look at those freaks. Who in their right mind would _ever_ eat a salad like _that?_ Completely and utterly disgusting, if you ask me. I totally fucking told you all that those two were complete crazies," Rosalie sneered at the people around me. The wicked vibe made my stomach churn.

So what if new girl was enjoying a completely revolting lunch with her Jazz. Didn't make her a freak, did it?

_Fuck, maybe it did. But my saint of a mother raised me a little better than to make a snap judgment on someone based solely on the clothing they wore. Once I got to know someone and realized that they were insufferable, _then _I would judge them all I wanted when it came to their clothing choices. Heh.__  
_  
Having suddenly lost my appetite, I looked up at the people at my table. My table mates, my friends. There was Lauren, who was attempting to look sexy while attacking her pop bottle with her mouth. Jessica, running her hands through her frizzy and completely unattractive hair while flirting with Tyler. Mike, trying to get Emmett to fist bump him for belching out half of the alphabet. What makes what they are doing any more weird than what the new kids were doing?

Getting up from the lunch table, I decided to go have a quick smoke before lunch break ended. I had to get away from my lunch table and, most importantly, the strange pull that I felt towards the new girl. Because she may have been dressed like a hobo, but there was something that I couldn't quite put my finger on when it came to Isabella Swan.

XXX

Time dragged by and I had contemplated sticking a pencil through my eyeball roughly eight times by the time last period rolled around.

Class was so tedious that I had thought about blinding myself eight times in a matter of a few hours, just to get out of school? Yes. I hate FHS _that_ much.

I walked into my last class, English with Mr. Molina, and dropped my books on my desk. Apparently I dropped my books down hard, which gained the attention of just about every person in the room.

"Is there a problem, Mr. Cullen?" Mr. Molina asked, shuffling the papers on his desk before looking me in the eyes.

"No. None at all." _Other than the fact that I am contemplating banging my head on my desk, multiple times, disrupting class...if it meant that I could get out of this room. Even if it were just to see the principle._ _Cause I know that daddy dearest would pay my way out of that situation_,_ which actually makes that scenario very appealing at this moment in time._

"That's good to hear. Because I want you to help our new student, Ms. Swan, if she has any questions with our syllabus when she gets to class. Ah, and here she is," Mr. Molina said, walking away from his desk and heading in the direction of the Swan spawn, who was standing in the doorway of the classroom.

"Isabella, it's a treat to have you in my class. I go way back with your father, and it's almost surreal for me to have Charlie's daughter in my class." Mr. Molina riffled through the stacks of paper on his desk before he found a class syllabus and handed it to Ms. Swan.

Isabella did not look pleased with the revelation of her father knowing her English teacher. All I had to say to that was, _get used to it cookie, everyone knows everyone here in Forks._ Not that I could blame her for being slightly miffed though, I had never been fond that my father, being a small town's doctor, apparently knows all of Fork's population personally.

"Please, Ms. Swan. Take a seat in that open one right there," Mr. Molina called out, pointing to the seat right next to me_._

Watching as Isabella maneuvered her way over to her seat, I caught myself trying to catch a whiff of her scent as she walked right up to my desk, paused for a split second, and sat down her chair.

_Seriously? Smelling the air to see what she smelled like? Isn't that really creepy, Edward?_

Luckily for me, I was rewarded by a strong patchouli/weed scent that seemed to permeate the air surrounding Isabella. The scent caused the greedy bastard in me to take another deep breath to enjoy her scent just a little bit longer. I couldn't explain how her smell made me react, I guess it just made me feel like I was home.

_Isabella is a stranger, you sick fuck. Home? You feel like you are _home_ because you simply caught a whiff of her scent? Oh dear God Edward, get your head out of your ass._

The bell rang, signaling the beginning of class. Molina walked up to his desk and grabbed out his roll call and started taking attendance. I watched with interest as Isabella sat in her seat and took in her surroundings.

"Ms. Swan," Mr. Molina motioned to the girl sitting next to me. "Would you mind standing up and introducing yourself to the class? And since this is an English literature class, would you be so kind as to share with us who your favorite author is?"

Isabella stood awkwardly, wobbling slightly.

"Yeah, uhm, I'm Isabella, or Bella. I go way back with the Fuzz, too, probably a few seconds after he shot his load in my mom. Guess that's how it happens, birds and the bees. I just moved here from Toronto, drove across the US with my homefry Jazz. And I guess my favorite author is my main man Hunter S. Thompson. Dude was ...," she took a breath and then recited: " _History is hard to know, because of all the hired bullshit, but even without being sure of "history" it seems entirely reasonable to think that every now and then the energy of a whole generation comes to a head in a long fine flash, for reasons that nobody really understands at the time — and which never explain, in retrospect, what actually happened_." She paused. "Dude was the fucking bomb."

She sat quickly.

_What the fuck what that?_ I looked down and confirmed my suspicions. Yep. I officially have a boner.

As Bella shifted in her seat, I noticed that she was wearing a shirt that boasted "I Snog For Drugs". It was at this point that the other, more primal part of me, noticed that she wasn't wearing a bra under said shirt; I could see the outline of her nipples. I quickly closed my eyes and said a little prayer in thanks for Bella's lack of undergarments. High school may be hell, but at least the quirky chick sitting next to me wasn't wearing a bra and was wearing a piece of clothing that said that she "would kiss" for drugs.

A little part of me wondered where I could get my hands on some drugs before I shook the foolish thought from my head and looked back to the front of the class.

"Ms. Swan," Mr. Molina scolded, "although I do appreciate the use of non-common language to communicate our ideas, your choice of colorful language will not be tolerated in this class."

The classroom erupted into a chorus of guffaws. Newton loudly proclaimed, "Bet she's glad her dad shot his load," which caused another chorus of laughter to overtake the room.

"Enough!" Molina exclaimed. "Next person to utter a peep will be sent down to the Principal's office. And I dare one of you to try me, because I am dead serious."

_Ten minutes ago, I would have taken my teacher's threat to go see the principal, especially since his threat involved no violence on either of our ends. But now, with the classroom's addition of "Fork's most interesting new kid", I wouldn't miss out on the front row seats that I have to the crazy show for the world._

Our teacher surveyed the room before turning his back to us and picked up a piece of chalk. "I suggest that you all take out something to write with and a piece of paper. I expect you all take notes on today's subject material."

Notes? No deal, man; I was not in the mood to take notes of any kind. I was _this close_ in seeing if Molina's offer to visit the principal was still on when I caught a glance at what Isabella was writing on for her classroom notes.

Apparently they don't have regular lined paper in Toronto, 'cause new girl was using a Chinese take-out menu for her English notes.

Yep. New girl was definitely interesting enough to keep me in class today.

Regardless of our instructions to "take notes", I decided to take this moment in time to be the good little student that we _all_ knew I could be and ask Bella if she had any questions regarding the syllabus. Who said I didn't have it in me to be a teacher's pet?

_'Cause when I was thinking with my dick, anything was possible._

"Psst," I whispered, leaning into Isabella and breathing in her scent once more. "Did you have any questions about the syllabus?"

"Dude, this shit is so shallow. Are all the classes like this?" she whispered back, while writing things on her menu.

Woah. _She's trying to carry on a conversation now? About class? Fuck._ "Here in Forks? Did you expect anything better?" I asked, smirking at her seeming naivete.

"Sure as shit, Shaggy. Fuck. Maybe this town is splitsville. What's with you and the honkys wearing all the same jackets?"

I had to bite back my laughter. _Shaggy? What the hell? And what the hell is a honky?_

Shaking my head in slight confusion, I looked down at my jacket and pulled at the material. "The letter jacket that I am wearing? That's what you are asking about?"

Bella nodded, and I continued. "Well, the jacket is something that anyone who attends FHS can buy. But most people don't 'cause there really isn't a reason to own the jacket if you don't letter in something varsity sponsored, be it a sport or an academic program." I started to point to the patch on my arm that represented my lettering in football when I cast a glace at Bella. The woman next to me was seriously looking at me like I had suddenly sprouted a second head. A second, completely hideous head. The judging look that she was gave me almost made my boner shrink, the operative word being "almost".

"What?" I questioned, straightening my position in my seat in an almost defensive stance.

"That's fucked, dude," she said shaking her head and looking back up at the board. "What's to do here for shits n' giggles?"

I let out a silent laugh. _Is there anything in Forks that's worth mentioning?_ "Depends. What do you like to do?"

"Typical shit, concerts, movies, expanding your consciousness."

"Uhhhh, we have a cafe down the road, I guess. Oh, and a community center that hosts BINGO every Wednesday. If you want to do anything else you kind of have to drive to Port Angeles."

Bella shot me an odd look. "What? So there is nothing to do here. That actually plays a huge role in the fact that one out of every two Forks residents is an alcoholic in some way, shape or form," I replied, as I looked up at the board and pretended to actually be paying attention.

"Guess Jazz and I will have to make our own fun." She sighed.

_Make your own fun? What in the fuck does _that_ mean?_

_And can I be invited? Wait, should it bother me that this thought seriously crossed my mind?_

I shrugged, bringing myself out of my thoughts. "I guess that's what I could say my friends and I do around here too. You know, make our own fun." _Take that however you want to, new girl._

"Well, thanks for the 411, Shaggy. Maybe Jazz and I will see you and your posse around."

_Probably not a good idea, new girl. That is, unless you want to start dressing like every other student in Forks High. Which would actually appease my brother's bitch girlfriend who can control whether the student population likes you or not with the snap of her fingers. _"Yeah, maybe," I replied noncommittally as I turned my attention to Mr. Molina's lecture once more.

The rest of the class period flew by as fast as I could have hoped it would. I spent the last of my time in class pretending to pay attention and pretending to take notes on the horseshit lecture that Mr. M. was giving. But what I was _really_ doing was studying the new girl from the corner of my eye. Throughout the class period, she sat in her chair, silently tapping her foot on the ground as she wrote her notes on her menu. I noticed that along with her notes, she had a few drawings scattered around her paper.

I really just wanted to invade her privacy, grab the menu away from her, and take a detailed look at her sketches like the fucking bastard that I was. And I probably would have done it, too, if the bell hadn't rung, signaling the end of class and effectively the end of the school day.

Gathering my things, I stole one more glance at Bella. She surprised the shit out of me by throwing a quick wave to me as she headed to the front of the classroom. "See you 'round, Shaggy," she called out.

_So apparently Shaggy had become my nickname._ "Yeah, see you around," I said, walking to exit the classroom behind her. I attempted to adjust the slight bulge in my pants that I was still sporting as I reached the hallway.

There, to the left of the classroom exit, was Bella and her homefry Jazz. This Jazz character had wrapped his arm around her mid section in a very tender-looking embrace. Jazz held Bella in a way that Emmett holds Rosalie, and before I knew what was happening, I felt my hands clench up into tight fists.

_What the hell, Edward? You know nothing about either of these people except for the fact that they both seem to have a very unique sense of style. So why was it that you are suddenly very jealous of the two of them? This Jazz guy (I mean, what the fuck kind of name is that?) seems kind of douche-y. And Bella's marching to the beat of her own drum act was really fucking hot in a quirky kind of way, but she wasn't your normal type outside of that._

_If I even _had _a type. Which, by judging my body's reaction to Isabella and the fact that I had never seen anyone like her before, it was pretty clear that I did not have one._

Bypassing my locker, I practically fucking ran to my car. I needed to get the fuck outta Dodge, and by Dodge I meant Forks High School, before I did something stupid like profess my undying love to this woman that I don't even know or punch her Jazz for touching her in ways that made me jealous.

I made a quick decision that I was going to "come down with the flu" for the next few days, which would give me a good excuse to miss school for a few days. I needed a few mental health days to get my head back on straight. Cause no way in hell was some new girl gonna throw my life out of whack like she did. Edward Cullen doesn't _do_ jealousy.

_Now I just gotta get the smell of patchouli outta my head._

_

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_**E/N:**

**So, what did you guys think? Leave us a little love, please! :)**


	4. Invites and Moldy Peaches

**A/N:**** Bella POV is written by Paige Parkker and Edward POV is written by Michelle M Marie. This chapter was a shit ton of fun to write, so we hope that you enjoy it.**

**Neither of us own Twilight or any related characters. We do, however, own this kick-ass OOC plot and two ticket stubs for New Moon each.**

**A HUGE thanks to the ladies of PTB for cleaning this up (mainly for Michelle…you girls are saints, seriously!).**

**

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****Edward POV**  
Rosalie lazily sprawled herself across the floor of Casa de Cullen's expansive exercise room before she warmed up to exercise. "I...have an...idea," she said between stretches.

I rolled my eyes, not wanting to hear any of Bitchalie's ideas. Recently, her opinions meant nothing to me unless they affected our group as a whole, and the only reason why I would listen to her opinion then is because it would directly affect me. I was trying to keep myself away from the little circle of fucking drama that Rosalie and her whore cheerleader cronies had inflicted on themselves.

"Listen up, E. This directly involves you," Rosalie sighed, saying the magic words.  
_  
At least when she was stretching she was docile._

"What are you talking about, Rosalie?" I asked, gripping my triceps and pulling it up toward my chin.

"I think that we should take advantage of the fact that this year is a leap year. You and your brother should throw a 'leap year' party."

"Why the fuck would we want to do that, Rose?" I walked over to the weight bench and started preparing myself to lift. _Where the hell is Emmett and why the hell is he late? Working out with him is fine...but working out with him _and _Rosalie? Rosalie made me want to lift weights that are too heavy for me to handle without a spotter. That's right, working out with Rosalie makes me want to kill myself in a terribly painful way._

"Because, Edward. You and your brother have a reputation to uphold."

"Fuck that," I scoffed, lifting a weight to the bar. "If that's the case, why don't _you_ throw it, Ms. 'Queen Bee'?"

"Honestly, Edward. I don't even want to _know _how you know the term 'Queen Bee'."

What I wanted to say was, _it's the term Esme used to explain one of the many reasons as to why you are an insufferable bitch_. But not wanting to have to pull Rosalie from my hair, I shrugged instead.

"Regardless, Edward. I can't throw a party that weekend, because my mom is getting a face lift the day before and she doesn't want any company at the house."

"And that's _my_ problem...why?" _A face lift? Fucking classic._

"Reputation, you idiot; I already told you that. Besides, neither of you have thrown a party since your New Year's party, and that was over a month ago. A month? Not acceptable," Rosalie pouted, crossing her arms across her chest.

"Oh no! A _month?!"_ I exclaimed, exaggeratedly throwing my hands into the air. "Whatever will we do? Frankly, I'm surprised that the city of Forks hasn't perished in the meantime."

"Fuck you, Edward. You are _such _an asshole, you know that?"

_Only around you, baby. Only around you,_ I wanted to say.

Before I could compose a proper reply, Emmett walked into the room. "E, what did you do, fucktard? Rose doesn't call you an asshole _and _use the 'f' word unless you really piss her off. Normally it's just one or the other," Emmett deadpanned, wrapping an arm around Rosalie and drawing her in for a kiss. I shuddered at the display in front of me.

"Damnit Em, why do you insist on doing that in front of me?" I exclaimed, turning my head in disgust. I don't care if Rosalie is hot or a bitch...that's my freaking brother that she was kissing. _Disgusting. _

"It's not that gross, you freaking pansy. Grow a pair," Rosalie said, crudely gripping Emmett's balls as she sneered at me. I flinched away from my brother and his girlfriend because I was not in the mood to start talking about my balls and Emmett's balls. Ever.

Seriously trying to hold back my gag, I decided that I was friggin' done with exercising, regardless of whether or not I was able to lift weights like I had wanted to. I turned and walked out of the room without sending back another glance at my brother and his Bitchalie of a girlfriend.

"Hey bro, wait up man!" Emmett called, jogging to catch up to me.

I stopped and waited for Emmett and tried to wipe the scowl from my face. Thinking about my brother's balls for even a split second was sure to cause me to grimace, and that is a guarantee.

"Hmmm, what's up, Emmett?"

"Rose talked to me before about the party," Em exclaimed, placing his arm around my back. "And I think that we should do it."

I raised my eyebrow in question to his statement. Emmett just shook his head and clapped his hand on my back. "You know, little brother, my time in high school is limited. And I want to live it up as much as I can before I have to leave here."

_That's a low blow, Emmett. Pulling out the "I'm not gonna be living here for much longer" card. Dick._

I simply nodded my head. "Whatever you want, Emmett. Just let me know what you want me to do."

"Awesome!" Emmett cried, pumping a fist in the air. "Rosie is gonna be so happy!"

_Not doing this for her, buttmuncher; I'm doing this for you. _"Ummmhmmm, sure she is. Glad I could help."

"Man, this could be good for you too. You know, re-socialize you after whatever the fuck you had going on during the last few weeks."

"Yeah," I quietly agreed, "I guess I could use it."

"Hell YES you could! Let's get some chick drunk and get you laid. Pretty sure you could use _that_, too! Oh man, we'll get a couple of kegs, make a WOP and some Jesus Juice, make a couple of gallons of Strip and Go Nakeds, have an ice luge, bust out the beer bongs..."

_Did Emmett really just imply that it would take enough liquor to fill a swimming pool to get me laid?_

"Em!" I yelled as I turned and grabbed his shoulders and gave him a light shake. "Calm down, man. Better clear these plans with Rosalie before we go any farther, eh? Don't want her to be left out of planning a party that was her idea in the first place, right?"

"You are the best, E. Best little bro ever," Emmett exclaimed, slapping my shoulder once more.

_Oh well, at least someone thinks highly of me._

I flashed a smile at Emmett and told him I would talk to him later about the party. Leaving the exercise room, I turned and headed up the stairs to go to my room.

"Edward?" my mother called when she saw me pass her study. "Are you okay, baby?"

_Damn it all to hell._

See, here's the thing: I can't lie to Esme. It's just one of those things that I have never really been able to do. And since Esme was a chill mom as it was, I had never had a reason to lie to her. _Yes, I'm high. Heck yeah I lost my virginity at the age of 12. I only get drunk on the weekends...or whenever else I feel like it, which happens to be a daily occurrence as of late. _Esme's typical response was usually something along the lines of, "Be careful, Edward darling. We don't want anything to happen to you." And then she would add in a whisper so no one else will hear, "But you know that if anything were to happen to you, we have the money, power and resources to make sure you were taken care of."

_Oh, that Esme. How I adore my mother._

I slowly backed up and walked into Esme's study. "Just thinking about some stuff, Es."

She put the pen that was in her hands down and folded her hands on top of her desk. "Come in, baby. Tell me what you are thinking about." She paused, taking a deep breath. "I'm not dense, Edward. I know that something has been going on with you lately. And if I hadn't been so wrapped up in talks with my editor, I would have talked to you about this sooner. Come on, sit down."

I complied with my mother's wishes and sat down in the chair across from her desk.

"So, Edward. What's on your mind?"

_A beautifully awkward woman who stole a little part of me when I overheard her talking about the necessity of gummy worms in her diet. _"Nothing much. Just, uh...thinking about Emmett."

_Not a total lie. I _was_ just thinking about Emmett because of the party that I am basically being forced into co-hosting. See? Status of never lying to Esme is still intact._

"Oh honey, I have been doing that too." She stopped and bit her lip. "You know, thinking about how quiet it is going to be in this big house without him? I am really going to miss Em," Esme said, her voice shaking as she paused and wiped a small tear from her eye.

_Way to go, asshole. Because you changed the subject, you made your mom cry. Dickhead._

"Mom, Casa de Cullen will definitely be quiet without my boisterous brother running around. But don't worry, I know that he will still come around to visit. Like, every weekend. Rosalie will still be here, remember? He will be here so much that I doubt you will even have a chance to miss him," I replied, plastering on a fake smile.

Esme reached her hand across the desk and grabbed mine. "I hope you are right," my mother said, squeezing my hand for emphasis.

"I am," I stated, getting up from the chair before I was able to stick my foot in my mouth or cause my mother to cry once again.

"Oh hey, Edward? Just remember I am here for you if you need me, okay?"

I gave Esme my sweetest, most genuine smile. "Of course Mom."

_Esme is one smart cookie. Of _course_ she would know that there was more on my mind._

Obviously I missed school for one week for a reason. And there was no way that reason was because my big brother was going to be graduating from high school.

I had, in fact, missed an entire week of school after Isabella Swan started attending FHS. I had been slated to start school again tomorrow morning...and I was not looking forward to it.

_Because a large part of me was still looking forward to smelling the unique girl in my last class of the day. Apparently the week's time off had done nothing for my goal of forgetting Ms. Swan. If anything, it has made me more excited to see her._

Fuck me._  
_  
**

* * *

Bella POV**  
My impression of Forks after one week of cohabitating with the Fuzz? LAMEO! Seriously, there was more to do at a kayaking festival in the middle of the desert than in rainy Sporks. Jazz and I had been scoping out the lay of the land like Lieutenant Columbo, trying to find the underground, the cool shit, the authentic people. Sartre would have fucked his hat and his favourite Beaver would have reamed around the rosy. The lived experience missed this town, for sure dawg. This we did know: there was shit all to do in Forks; the Fuzz worked a lot - which was good, 'cause Jazz and I didn't have to worry about hiding pie eyes; the Fuzz did not like my Jazz - fuck 'im – I liked my Jazz; and the students at Forks High were some sort of Stepford experiment. It was the weirdest fucking place Jazz and I had ever journeyed to, and we had been to some fucked up places. _She_ always seemed to be able to find the craziest towns.

Classes at Forks were like classes anywhere else, a disruption in the day keeping you from living life. Most were full of old ideas and the regurgitated dreams of thinkers who would be pissed to know their ideas were being misrepresented and mangled. No free thinking. No creativity. Nothing but oppression and depression. Intervention required! Bust out the defibs. There were two classes I did like. First there was English with Shaggy. There was something about him, something interesting. More than meets the eye with that one, young grasshopper. He was going to be my experiment, my observation of Species Jockus. I wanted to know about his people. Maybe I'd do it photo-journalistic style. He hadn't been back since I first saw him though, something about catching the flu.

My other favourite was photography class. Photos are bitchin'! Capturing a moment in time always made me feel like God. Put all my captured moments together and I could make a universe. The Bella experience, now with smell-o-vision! The teach, Ms. Jane, was the closest to a free thinker Sporks got. She was all about jumping out of the box. _"Think and feel with your camera. The shots are there. Be one with your camera!"_ I bet she smoked good shit. She had been impressed with my camera-fu and wanted to see some of my work. Holy Hell! Wouldn't lie - I was stoked. I had started a portfolio some time ago after Jazz nearly beat me to death with the idea. _"One day, Bells-a-bub this will make you famous!"_ Jazz always had been my biggest fan, but then again, he also did play with my tits.

On the weekend following our first week, Jazz and I drove to Port Angeles to see what the scene was like there. Pretty dismal. However, Jazz found a dude selling and scored us some 'shrooms and hash. The weekend from that point on was looking better and better. 'Shrooms were best served on pizza and the hash smoked smooth and clean in Ponty Pipesworth. We did what we do best baked: danced like naked bears, I took pictures and Jazz played his guitar.

Monday came way too fucking fast.

XXX

Lunch time always seemed to drag along like a donkey stuck in a honey pit wrestlin' midgets. The cafeteria lacked good representation of the food groups. The gummy group wasn't even available. What kind of educational institution didn't provide life affirming gelatin? It was a sort of torture, food deprivation. Lunch Lady Doris and her clones could not be trusted. For this reason Jazz made sure we had adequate nourishment in the form of a bagged lunch. He even made the bags himself outta some old corduroy jacket he found in the Fuzz's closet. Sewing was one of Jazz's hidden talents, but came in super duper handy when your shit split open.

Jazz and I pretty much kept to ourselves at lunch. They had their rituals, we had ours. I laid back against the table with my feet dangling off the edge. I had my head turned, watching the Stepfords as they interacted with each other. Every so often I would snap a shot with my Nikon: still life of the student body all sideways. Sometimes that was the best angle, the only angle. Between shots I ate from the pile of gummy worms Jazz had placed on my belly. Like a gummy tape worm, except tastier and digestible, and not nestled warmly in my guts. Jazz sat beside me strumming his guitar, playing whatever flowed through his fingers. Jazz's guitar playing was almost as good as a Jazzgasm.

"Can I give a request to the DJ?"

"Whattya wanna hear, Bells-a-bub?"

"Our song, dawg."

"Yes, ma'am!" he laughed.

His fingers strummed the familiar intro to the Moldy Peaches' song.

"_You're a part time lover and a full time friend. The monkey on your back is the latest trend. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else, but you_," he sang.

I swung my legs in time with the song, and turned my head to look at him, snapping a picture along the way. I grinned as he used a different voice to sing the next verse.

"_Here is the church and here is the steeple. We sure are cute for two ugly people. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else, but you._"

I closed my eyes, popped a worm in my mouth and smiled. I could feel the eyes of others on us, but I didn't give a squirrel's left ass cheek. Just 'cause they don't have a BFF who sang to them didn't mean they had to rain on my pride parade.

"_The pebbles forgive me, the __trees__ forgive me, so why can't, you forgive me? I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you," _he sang in a geeky voice. He switched to an opera voice for the next verse. I giggled with each different rendition.

"_I will find my niche in your car with my __mp3__ DVD rumple-packed guitar. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else but you._"

I opened my eyes to watch Jazz for a moment. He gave me his silly smile face. I took a picture, then relaxed back into our song.

"_Up up down down left right left right B A start. Just because we use cheats doesn't mean we're not smart. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else, but you._"  
_  
"You are always trying to keep it real. I'm in __love__ with how you feel. I don't see what anyone can see, in anyone else, but you._"

Jazz stumbled on a chord and I opened my eyes. Standing in front of me were two Stepford females, but they weren't your typical Stepfords. The one girl had fallen from the goth tree, had hit every branch on the way down and probably liked it. The other girl reminded me of Wednesday Addams but with much shorter hair, a pixie version of Wednesday Addams. I took a picture of them, causing a flutter of blinking and then sat up quickly, gummy worms falling into my crotch. Jazz picked one up and popped it into his mouth.

"Sorry to interrupt your love fest," Gothy Gert clucked from under a mess of black hair.

"We really wanted to introduce ourselves," Pixie Addams, said cutting Gothy Gert off. "We know that you are new to Forks High, and the environment," she broke off to look at all the jocks and cheerleaders, "can be somewhat hostile. This really isn't the best place for individual creativity. Walking automatons is what Forks best produces, but you'll figure that out. So you must be Isabella and you must be Jasper. This is Leah, and I'm Alice. Welcome to Forks High."

Pixie Addams finally took a breath and smiled at me before looking at Jazz. I could see her eyes widen and her skin flush as she stared at Jazz. Jazz gave her a knowing smile, then reached out to shake her hand, lingering a little long on the release. I swore his fingers just massaged the pulse point at her wrist. Sly fucking dog. He knew what he did to the ladies.

"Well thanks for that kickin' welcome Alice and Leah," he said, eyes never leaving Alice. He reached for another crotch gummy and popped it into his mouth. Alice's lips parted to say something but closed. You probably could have poked the sexual attraction between them with a vibrating tongue.

"Um yea. It's nice to meet you both. Alice and Leah. So Pixie Addams and Gothy Gert, what's to do 'round this place? You seem more interesting than the rest of Species Jockus. You in the know? Got the goods? Why don't you sit down a spell and flap your gums with us." I pulled a gummy from my lap. "Worm?"

Alice pulled up a chair beside Jasper and Leah remained standing. I think that corset she was wearing impeded her ability to bend at the waist. Corsets. Oppression. No way to be free in that shit. If it opened, would stuff come flying out? I considered trying, just to see.

"Gothy Gert?" Leah said, a drawn-on brow raising.

"Yeah, issues?" I said, popping up my sunglasses.

"Well, there is a group of us who hang out here in Forks and at the Rez. Listen to music, some imbibe, plan trips to Seattle to go see bands or new exhibits at the museum. I like shopping," Alice smiled, diffusing any potential tension between Gothy Gert and myself.

"Shopping?" I looked her over. Plain black dress, Mary Janes. She looked like a freaky china doll. "There's an Amish store in Seattle? You get them threads there?" I grinned. "Maybe Jazz and I can take you shopping. Jazz is quite the stylist, picked out my entire wardrobe."

I munched on a worm. Jazz had gone back to strumming his guitar, but I could see him look at Alice from the corner of his eye.

"Bells and I would love to hang with you and your homies some time," Jazz smiled at Leah and then at Alice. She flushed again.

I took a picture. "I'm down with this kinda group. Is there a club house? Secret hand shake? Initiation ritual? I don't do sacrifices though."

**

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Edward POV  
**"Oh look at what we have over there!" Lauren proudly exclaimed. "The two misfits have officially been welcomed in by the other fucking misfits!"

My eyes wandered over to the spot where I knew Bella was enjoying her lunch. By enjoying, I meant that she ate her fucking gummy worms while she was being serenaded by her so-called friend, Jazz.

_Friend my ass. There are some extra-curricular activities going on between those two, I guarantee it._

I watched in horror as he grabbed a gummy worm that was placed between her beautiful legs.

_Yeah, I referred to her legs as beautiful. It's obvious that the week of school that I missed due to a terribly nasty bout of the flu (thanks for that excuse, Esme) was completely in vain._

"It's only fitting that the losers hang out together. I mean, we can't have more than one group of freaks walking around here. Then it'd be like they were...multiplying or something. We would be surrounded by groups of social retards," Jessica sneered as she ran her hands through her hair.

_Dear Jessica Stanley- your stupidity astounds me._

I braved a glance at Bella and her table mates. And noticed quickly that they were actually staring back at us, and had most likely heard what was said about them.

_Shiiit. _I bowed my head non-nonchalantly and pretended like I wasn't even sitting at the table. _I wonder if anyone would notice if I walked away. _I didn't care to be associated one bit with my lunch table at that moment in time.  
_  
_Jessica saw what I had been looking at and stood up from her chair as she turned her body towards "the misfits". "What are you looking at, freaks?" She yelled at the four pairs of eyes that were directed at us. "Don't you even fucking dare stare at us! As if you even deserve to be in the same _room_ as us!"

My friends stared at each other with disbelief at Jessica's outburst. Emmett, the true gentle giant, got up from his chair and moved over to Jessica to settle her down before she started a fucking cat fight or something.

Emmett placed a calming hand on Jessica's shoulder and she shrugged it off. "No!" she seethed at Emmett. "They piss me off! Those bitches are staring...and they are the ones who should be stared at!"

I watched as Alice and Leah made their way over to our table. _God damn it Jessica, just look at what your dumb ass has started. _Alice and Leah stopped right in front of Jess and I noted that Lauren, who was sitting right next to Jessica, appeared to have pissed her pants in fright.

"What the fuck is your problem, Jessica? Did daddy take away your allowance this week? No Botox injections for you? Got a dick stuck up your ass?" Leah snarled.

_Ha. She probably hit the nail right on the head without even knowing it._

"_You _are my fucking problem, Leah. Social pariahs like you shouldn't even be here. Your ass should be home schooled so us _normal_ kids don't have to be subjected to your freak show tendencies," Jessica spat as she strained against the arm that Emmett had draped over her shoulder that now acted as a deterrent from her getting up in Leah's face. _Thank God for Em, he sure knows what the fuck he is doing when it comes to controlling conflict._

"I'm the social pariah, Jessica? At least I'm not a walking slut. How many guys on the football team did you blow? Huh?" She looked at one of the guys at our table and then back at Jessica, "Bet fucking her is like tossing a hotdog down a hallway."

_Fuck me. _I bit down on my lip so hard to prevent myself from laughing at her all-too-true comment.

Trying to distract myself from impending laughter, I looked away from the confrontation that had taken place in front of me. My eyes flicked back to Bella, who, unknown to me, had crept closer to our table and was now taking pictures of the interaction in front of me. _What a curious creature Bella is,_ I thought to myself_._ I watched in amazement as she got to her knees to capture the angle that was staring up at Jess's furious features.

"What the hell would you know about sex of any kind, huh? Fucking virgin!" Jessica huffed, her face turning beet red. "No wonder, either! If I was a man, there is no way in hell anyone could _pay_ me enough money to touch your disgusting ass!"

"At least I'm still tight," Leah clipped.

Bella chose that moment to stand and take a close up shot of the two girls.

"You _would _talk about my vagina."

"Why not? Everyone else does," Alice finally piped up.

I watched in wonder as Bella took another picture of the arguing girls. And as fucking amazing and brave as what she was doing was, I began to get afraid that she would get her camera knocked out of her hands if the verbal cat fight turned aggressive.

"Well you know what? My fucking _maid_ makes more money a year than your single mother does. Suck on that, bitch," Jessica seethed, clearly upset that her vagina had been such a large part in the argument. The way the whole thing had unfolded was fucking hilarious if you ask me.

"At least I have a mother. Slut."

I watched Bella continue to take pictures, and then I overheard her mumble.

"What we have here is teen-fem aggressive behaviour. Typically seen in the wild, the teen-fems spar verbally for dominance of the Gummy free zone. Vaginas and money have been thrown on the table. Whose penis will be longer?"

I simply could not take it any longer. I laughed. _ Loudly._ We are talking a straight-from-the-gut belly laugh.

"What the _fuck, _Edward? This bitch makes fun of my mother and you _laugh?_ Not cool, asshole. Not cool," Jessica cried, dangerously close to tears.

I chanced a glance around my lunch table. My friends were not happy with my sudden outburst. Back pedaling, I immediately tried to correct my actions as I quickly formulated a lie. "I'm sorry Jessica. I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing at a freshman across the lunch room who...uh...tripped on his own feet and fell. It was fucking classic."

I mentally crossed my fingers and hoped that my friends would believe my lame attempt at a lie.

Emmett piped up, "typical freshman," and the entire table nodded at his statement and my outburst was effectively deflected.

_Phew, _I thought, wiping the non-existent sweat from my brow. _That bitch was close, man. _I took another quick glance around the table and was satisfied when I noticed that the attention was officially off me and was once again onto the women standing in front of our lunch table.

Except now, Jessica was eying up Bella. Eyeing her up like she wanted to punch her in the girly bits before ripping out a chunk of her hair and swing it around her head like some kind of demented lasso.

_Fuck. Definitely not a good thing._  
_  
_"And what the fuck are you doing here, Spawn? Need to take pictures of us so you can look at them years from now and pretend that you were popular? Pretend that you were our friend?" Jessica sneered, motioning to Bella and her camera. For a moment I thought that Jessica was going to yank Bella's camera out of her hand and throw it to the ground. Alas, my fears were unfounded as her focus shifted from the camera to her hair. _I think she might seriously start a cat fight by yanking out some of Bella's hair._

A part of my chest tightened and I wished for one moment that Bella would run away from my lunch table, away from the terrible things that Jessica would be sure to say and actions that she most likely would follow through with.

"Dude, I've never seen such a shallow pool before. Wanted to capture it for posterity, offer up the pics to a museum or something. A study in teenage bitchery. That's what I'll call it. Bitchery, is that even a word? Ha!"

_She's talking about you too, you know, _I reminded myself. _Shallow pool, teenage bitchery. You fit into both of those fucking categories. _I landed myself into that group the moment I made fun of a pretend freshman for tripping over his own feet. I pinched the bridge of my nose to keep myself from frowning at just how correct my thoughts were.

"Teenage bitchery? Talk for yourself, you stupid bitch! You stupid, ugly, can't-dress-herself-for-shit bitch! I wish that your moronic sleazy, smelly ass would have never even fucking moved here! Forks was fucking weird enough without the addition of you and your ugly friend."

I held onto the growl that was threatening to escape from my chest. _No one should get talked to like that...especially not my Bella._

I fought the anger and the red that was threatening to cloud my vision when I noticed Jazz walking up to our table with his guitar, taking a protective position near Bella. _Of course that little cocksucker would come to the table now and act like the fucking knight in shining armour that I cannot be for Bella. Goddamn it, I hate my life, and Forks, and Jazz, and..._

"You're pissed at what I wear?" Bella laughed. "Dude, I'd so come to school buck, but people freak out over that shit all the time. You know, they say that fashion always comes about in cycles. What was popular in the 70's comes back in the 90's, yada yada yada…" Bella paused, looking like she was deep in thought. A pained expression flashed across her features for a moment before being pulled back.

"No comeback, bitch?" Jessica spat. "You really are stupid, aren't you?"

"Dude! Sorry, I totally caught a case of the boredoms," Bella said laughing. She looked at Jazz, "Hey Jazz, you wanna go into the forest and see how high the trees are?"

Jazz let out a breath. "Sounds like a plan Bells-a-bub, sounds like a good fucking plan." Jazz looked at Alice and Leah, "You ladies wanna join?" Both shook their head no, not sure about what just happened.

_Fuck, _I'm _not even sure that I know what just happened. No girl fight? No getting into each other's faces? Did Bella seriously just walk away from conflict, completely unscathed?_

Yep. She did. And she walked away with her Jazz, probably to go smoke somewhere.

I looked at my friends, who were all huddled around a crying Jessica now. Bitch stuck her foot in her mouth and everyone feels sorry for her now? _No thanks._ _Count me out._

I gathered my lunch tray and prepared to walk to my next class a little early. Rosalie grabbed my arm before I was able to make a successful escape from the lunchroom.

"Oh, hey E?" Rose asked angelically. "I've started inviting people to your Leap Year Party."

"That's great, Rosalie," I replied

"You have a class with that Bella girl, right?" Rosalie questioned, wrapping a piece of her long hair around her fingers innocently.

I fought the urge to smile at the mention of Bella's name. "Yeah. How would you know that-?"

"Oh, Emmett mentioned it to me. Be a doll, will ya E? Invite her and her friend Jasper to the party when you see her next. Please?"

I raised an eyebrow in question. _Why would Rosalie want 'spawn' to be there? _As though she could read my mind, she smiled sweetly at me once again and shrugged her shoulders. "Well, it's just...after her little conversation with Jessica today, I would like to get to know her a little more, you know? That took some balls, and I think she might be worth getting to know."

"Um, sure," I feigned indifference, when really, I was excited at the prospect of Bella attending the party. I enjoyed the idea of seeing her outside of class, and the fact that Rosalie asked me to invite her had me flying on the inside.

_Maybe I can get to know Bella a little better after all._

I was so excited to be able to have something to talk to Bella about that I didn't even have time to be suspicious about Rosalie's invitation.

XXX

I practically skipped into English class by the time it had finally rolled around.

_And this, ladies and gentleman, is Edward Cullen...with his balls missing. What the fuck, Cullen? The fact that you even _thought _about skipping _anywhere_ seriously upsets me. As soon as you are done with school today, you are to march upstairs, pull out the nastiest girl on girl porno and throw it into your DVD player, do 100 or so reps of bench presses, drink some beer, and remind yourself that you are a fucking _man. _A man, not some little girl who would ever think about skipping from class to class and then daydream about how their pseudo-crush would react if they invited them to the little "Pretty Pretty Princess" party that they were throwing at their parent's house to celebrate the leap year._

Holy shit. My inner voice was _not happy _about my current actions.

I took my seat and glanced over at Bella, who was already seated at her desk. I revelled in her scent, which was definitely accompanied by the pungent smell of pot.

"Pssst...hey, Bella," I said as I leaned in to her seat.

"Hey, Shaggy! What's cookin'? Wanna gummy?" she said, holding a worm out to me.

I smiled at the nickname that she gave me and grabbed the gummy from her small hand. _Damn, how I would love to have that hand wrapped around my cock. _I blinked and tried to clear the thoughts of Bella giving me a glorious hand job. _Back to the topic at hand, Cullen; pull it together, you little bitch. _I chewed and swallowed the gummy before I started to talk again.

"Nothing much...just wondering if you and your friend Jazz would be interested in going to a party that me and my brother are throwing. You know, it's a leap year this year, and being that Forks is so fucking mundane and shit, we are throwing a party to celebrate the fact that another God-forsaken day has been added to the calendar."

"First, it's Jasper. Only I get to call him Jazz. Second, what kinda party we talking about? Pimps and Hos? Pop n' chip?" She sucked a gummy worm between her lips with a smack.

I felt a little silly because I really didn't know that Jazz's real name was Jasper. Well, maybe I did know it...but I had never really given a shit. I only called him Jazz 'cause _she_ called him Jazz. "Umm...sorry. Did you and _Jasper_ want to come?" I asked, trying not to make it seem like I was licking my wounds from Bella correcting me. "And Bella, what the hell is a pop n' chip party? Is it a theme? 'Cause I don't know if the party will have a theme or not. If it does, it will probably have a 'time theme'. You know, like an 80's party or a 70's party or something."

"You don't know whatta pop n' chip party is? Basically, I'm askin': your parents gonna be home? That kinda party? I don't do those. A time theme would be superfine. But don't make it the 70's. Only good thing to come outta the 70's was porn. Girls had giant bushes back then and dudes had killer 'stashes. No wonder dudes got lost. Wait," she giggled, "kinda got off track there. Uhm, as long as there are no adult supervisors, I'm sure Jazz and I could make an appearance. We need to bring anything?"

"Never needed a term for that shit, parents being home for parties, cause parents are never allowed at any of our parties. What kind of lame ass do you take me to be, Ms. Swan?"

"Shaggy, you wear a jacket that's the same as all those other dudes and you ask me about being a lame ass?" She grinned, "You guys circle jerk in the shower too?"

I raised my eyebrows. "Do I _look_ like the kind of guy who would participate in a circle jerk?" _Fuck, if she answers yes, there is gonna be hell to pay. The jacket is gonna be burned, the hair chopped off, no more shaving...I don't know. But I'll have to change some shit around._

"You tell me, Shaggy? This is your turf, I'm just observin'," she grinned and popped another gummy worm between her lips.

_Is she implying that what she is observing is circle jerk-worthy? Fuck, Forks _is _lame. _"No, Miss Swan. I can guarantee you that I am not participating in any sort of circle jerk."

"Shame. Could be kinda hot," she teased. "So who's gonna be at this shindig?"

"Hi. Have you _seen _the other guys around here? A hot circle jerk...completely disgusting and, not likely." I cringed and resisted the urge to stick out my tongue. "Um, I don't know who else is going to be at the party. All you need to worry your pretty little head about is the fact that _I _am going to be there." _And hello, Mr. Cocky. We have missed you. _I felt like welcoming him back like the prodigal son.

"Pretty little head, huh. You flirtin' with me, Shaggy?" She grinned, eyeing me with her drug glazed glare.

"Babe, I flirt with any female that I come across that I am not related to. Take that how you want to, Ms. Swan. But don't hurt your _pretty little head _thinking about it."

"A man-whore," she laughed. "I dig it. I dig it."

_Am I a man-whore?_

_I did flirt with Ms. Cope to avoid detention. Yep...man-whore._

"You dig, huh? What is it about man-whores that you dig?"

"Just tells a girl a lot. Gives me the lay of the land so-to-speak. Fuck 'em and leave 'em type. S'cool, s'cool."

"I...I don't really know if I would say that," I replied, starting to get a smidgen defensive.

"No? What would you say, Shaggy?"

_Shit. 'Even though that is what I am I don't want to necessarily be that way'? Naw, makes me sound like too much of a pansy. And what I do _is_ technically fucking, 'cause there has never been any emotion involved except for just getting my fucking rocks off. So Bella pegged me correctly, with that shitty little cliche of a fucking statement._

Before I was able to come up with some shitty little excuse that would make Bella believe that I wasn't a fucking scumbag, Mr. Molina rushed into the room and dropped his things loudly on his desk.

"So sorry about being late, class. Please, take out your copies of _To Kill A Mockingbird_ and take the rest of this class period to silently read to yourselves. I have to step out for a moment and will be right back, so please be on your best behaviour while I am gone," Molina said, quickly getting up and walking out the door.

Bella pouted. "Well Shaggy, you've been saved by racial injustice." She flipped through the pages of the book. "Atticus, guess it's you and me again for the third time." She tossed the book on the desk in front of her, took out some paper - another takeout menu - and started to doodle.

I ignored her comment about "being saved" and concentrated on her menu that she was randomly doodling on. The closer I leaned in to her I noticed that she wasn't just doodling random shapes, as I had originally thought. She was drawing Jasper, who was making random funny faces at whoever was looking at the paper. The fucking sight of her drawings - which were terribly accurate, mind you - caused my blood to fucking boil. I chanced a glance at her face and noticed that she was _giggling_ as she was drawing Jasper. Fucking _giggling._ _Damn it all to hell, seriously._

I studied her form for just a bit longer. _Okay, so her eyes are a little bloodshot. Maybe, just maybe...she is still seriously stoned. That would explain her giggling, right?_

_Right. But it wouldn't explain why she was fucking drawing _him.

I decided to strike up a conversation again...I was willing to do anything to get Bella away from her fucking doodles of Jasper the cocksucker.

"So, how are things going so far for you in Forks?" _And ball-less Edward makes another comeback. Because seriously, you could not have asked a more mundane of a question if you had tried. You sound like your 85-year old grandma who you see once a year, who asks questions like that 'cause she doesn't want to hear the answer to other questions that she could ask you._

"Sporks is pretty lame. So is Port Angeles, Jazz and I were up there on the weekend. Nuthin' to do but make your own fun. Been taking lots of pictures though. Guess that's one thing Sporks has goin' for it, pretty scenery." She paused her drawing for a moment. "How you feelin'? Heard you had the flu."

I just about choked on the spit that I had in my mouth. "Umm...yeah, I am feeling much better, actually. Thanks for, um, asking."

"Being sick is shitsville," she snickered, laughing at her own words, "shitsville... Shaggy, I'm thinking those trees were really high." She shook her head, grinning.

"You smoked some good shit, huh?" I asked, basically stating the obvious.

"Mmmmmmm, Shaggy," she said smiling and popping another gummy worm in her mouth. She looked at her doodles and giggled.

And then, because I was a jealous prick, I opened my mouth and inserted my foot. "How about you invite me next time, huh?" _That was smart, Edward. Cause you wouldn't be killed if you were caught or anything. No, not because of the act of smoking, but who you would be smoking with. Brilliant._

"Surely not you Shaggy! Jockus Popularis. A fan of 420? What would the student body think?" she smiled lazily.

"Really, Bella? You are going to judge me just because I am a jock? You know that FHS is a small school, right? With no random drug testing. And you have seen this boring as fuck town, right? What do you expect me to do with my free time?" _And this is where Edward Cullen became a poser, because I have seriously smoked up like five times in my life. But of course I chose to paint a picture of myself as some kind of stoner extraordinaire to impress some chick who could really care less about me. One who, just a few moments ago, accused me of participating in a circle jerk._

"Shaggy, do you really want me to answer that?" Her lazy smile grew wider.

I crossed my arms over my chest. "Well, I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear your answer, now would I?"

"I think you spend a lot of your time in the toddler pool with your friends being a man-whore." Another gummy worm was sucked between her lips with a pop. "Not judging though. It's your life."

I couldn't tell you what took over me, but I laughed at her comment. And because everyone else in class was reading silently and producing no noise whatsoever, everyone stopped what they were doing and looked at me. I got the stink eye from like, ten different people. "What?" I asked defiantly. Just about everyone of my fellow classmates turned back to their books. I, on the other hand, turned back to Bella.

"Fucking classic," I muttered. "You are just too much, you know that? But FYI, ain't no toddler pools 'round here, babe. Whether I am a man-whore or not."

"Oh really? Bet most of your posse ain't even out of diapers." She laughed softly and looked back at her doodles, grinning like a mad hatter.

"That is a correct assumption, dear Bella. But I don't let anyone with diapers into my Olympic-sized pool." _Does that sound like an innuendo? Yep, pretty sure it does. The funny thing is though, I am not alluding to anything sexual here. I honestly and truly do have an Olympic sized pool at home. That I use quite often, actually. Gotta keep the muscles somehow._

"Guess that makes things pretty lonely for you, Shaggy. Play man-whore with yourself? You and Palmala Handerson?"

I was officially embarrassed. I basically spelled out for Bella that I masturbated 'cause there was no one that I would put up with enough to get any ass or anything along those lines. And however true that would be relationship-wise, it was completely false when it came to my sex life.I blushed at the thought of Bella thinking that I played a lot of pocket pool, 'cause nothing could be farther from the truth. "Not even close, Bella. I can't even begin to tell you how wrong you are there," I said, trying to hide my reddened cheeks from the girl sitting next to me.

"Sure thing, Shaggy, sure thing," she said winking at me.

"Think what you want to think, Bella. But you should really come to my Leap Year Party. And if you play your cards right, you might even get to see my Olympic sized pool," I replied casually, like I hadn't just implied sexual acts with Bella.

"What makes you think I want to see your Olympic sized pool?" she said laughing.

I chuckled. "Because, I don't think that you want to deny yourself of something so clearly awesome."

Her expression turned sensuous. "Maybe I'll bring my bathing suit." Her sultry stare broke into a chuckle when she saw the look on my face. "No worries Shaggy, Jazz and I will make an appearance at your bash, but if it blows, we're out. All about making our own fun."

"Well...maybe you shouldn't bring Jasper," I stated, smiling deviously.

Bella's playfulness seemed to disappear.

"Nope, nope. Jazz and me - peas in a pod. Package deal. Take it or leave it." She looked back at her doodles and smiled.

I took a deep breath, admitting defeat. The idea was an amazing one, no matter how short lived it was. "Well then, I guess I will see you and Jasper at the party. And I promise you that you will have fun."

She tore off a corner of the menu, wrote something, and then handed me the piece of paper. Right underneath several curry selections was her name and number.

"My digits. Text me with the info, Shaggy. And don't go spreading my digits 'round. Wouldn't want the toddlers calling me up."

I grabbed the paper carefully and grabbed out my phone. Typing the number into my phone, I saved it as a contact. Using the pad of my finger, I navigated to the text feature on my phone. Choosing a new conversation, I typed in Bella's number, composed a text and hit send.

"Oooohhhhh!" Bella squirmed and took her vibrating phone from her pants. She pressed a few buttons and grinned. "Thanks for the info, Shaggy. Now you've got my digits, no late night call or heavy breathin'"

I resisted the urge to laugh..._if Bella only knew how badly I wanted to use this number for recreational purposes. _"Likewise, Bella." I smiled once again and picked up my copy of the book that I was supposed to have been reading all class hour instead of flirting with Ms. Swan.

"I make no promises, Shaggy. Sometimes when the Green Fairy comes calling, you gotta announce it to the world. I'll try to keep my shout outs to a minimum."

_Fuck, Bella...if the Green Fairy comes calling, and you call me...in that state of mind..._

I shook my head, willing myself to _not _get a fucking boner in English. Again. From simply talking to a girl. _Again._

Molina walked back in to the room and surveyed the class. I picked up my book once more, like the good little student that I was pretending to be, and started reading.

The rest of the class passed by impossibly slow. I fought the urge to look at Bella...because I was becoming obsessed with the strange girl. And I was already some kind of fucked up jealous idiot when it came to Bella...I did not need to add _obsessed_ to the mix.

The bell rang, and I lagged behind Bella waiting for her to exit the room first. _Yeah, so you could check out her ass, you perv._

I watched curiously as she walked out of the room and...right into Jasper's arms.

_Cocksucker._

The monster in me that was green with envy came clawing to the surface as I watched Jasper lean in and give Bella a peck on the lips.

_Cocksucker._

I clenched my fists and resisted the urge to run up to Jasper, punch him in the face, and grab Bella away from his clutches as I beat my hands on my chest like a fucking alpha gorilla.

But being the better man, I turned and walked in the other direction.

**

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E/N: Wanna leave us a little love in the form of a review?  
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	5. ShinDigs and Treachery

**A/N: Welcome to the joint production "Little Fish, Big Fish"! Bella is written by the gorgeous and talented Paige Parkker (link to her profile in my profile) and Edward is written by me, Michelle M Marie.**

**Although neither of us own Twilight or any related characters, we do own this crazy ass plot. You know, come to think of it…Edward is lucky we don't own him. I don't know if cannon Edward would be into BDSM… :)**

**One of our wonderful readers started a thread for this story on Twilighted. We would love if you would go there and play! Paige and I will leave fucking sweet teasers… **www (dot)twilighted (dot)net/forum/viewtopic (dot)php?f=44&t=7505

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**BPOV**  
"Bells-a-bub, you really sure you wanna be goin' to this clam hop? It's not like our usual gigs."

Jazz reclined like a king on our bed, scratching his junk and smoking a post hand-job cig. He needed a crown, a Burger King crown. The Fuzz was out workin', good thing; he banned smokin' in the house. I wasn't sure of his view on hand-jobs, but I'm pretty sure they would be out too, especially if I was giving them. Parents. What the fuck. There's nuthin' wrong with relaxing after shooting a load. Things with Charlie hadn't gotten much better. He hated our arrangement, hated the time Jazz and I spent together. I didn't get Charlie and he didn't get me. It's cool though, you know. Not everyone clicks like that. He liked simple and controlled, and I liked freedom and chaos.

"Shaggy invited us. Would be kinda rude to throw it back."

Jazz finished his smoke, shoved the butt in an empty pop can and motioned for me to come to the bed. I hopped on and snuggled between his legs. He lazily palmed my breasts with his hands.

"I know Bells-a-bub, but are we a good fit for those peeps? They lack authenticity. Just vague shadows flitting about life, a bunch of fucking vultures." He was silent as he circled my nipples with his fingertips. My nipples hardened. "Which one is Shaggy?" I could tell he was grinning even though I couldn't see his face.

"Does it matter, Jazz?"

"I think it does, Bells-a-bub. I don't think we'd be going to this party if it didn't matter."

"He was the Jockus with the reddish-brown hair all sticking up. Chiselled jaw line, Jolly Rancher green eyes, toned body, in my lit class..."

"Thought it didn't matter?"

"A'ight, I admit Shaggy's interesting. Doesn't look like a bag of arseholes. Think he'd lemme take some pics of him?"

"I dunno, ask him tonight, Bells-a-bub."

More silence. Silence was okay between Jazz and me. Silence was comfortable, like swimmin' in a pool of pudding. We never felt the need to fill up space with fluffy words or unneeded paragraphs. Jazz and I connected on a whole other level. I think it started with the undies experience. It was like breathing another person. He could crawl into my skin with ease.

"What about you and Pixie Addams? I saw you lookin'. Think I heard her heart skip."

"Wouldn't toss her outta bed, that's for sure. Jealous?"

I smirked. Silence.

"Be careful around him, Bells-a-bub. Be careful around all of them. They're vampires. They'll steal your beautiful soul."

"Jealous?" I asked before turning in his arms and pressing my cheek to his chest to listen to the soothing sound of his heart. "You'll protect me, Jazz. You always do. Peas in a pod."

"Always will, Bells-a-bub. Now get dressed. I gotta present for you."

"OOOOOO! A present?! Can I have it now?"

Jazz dumped me out of his lap and laid a wallop on my ass. Dude even left a hand print! _Feisty bastid!  
_  
"Get dressed, lazy git! Then you get your present."

I had planned my threads with care. They needed to be party hot, but not scream hobo. I pulled on a pair of thigh-high grey and white striped socks and held them in place with some sexy sock garters, super tight grey boy shorts to keep all the girly bits hidden, a short kilt with crinoline underneath, a Cure T-shirt featuring Robert Smith's beautiful face, a hoodie with the arms cut out, and some extra long arm warmers. I opted for a Gatsby instead of my fur-lined hat and topped it all off with my knee-high docs, a purple bead choker, and matching oversized sunglasses. I twirled for Jazz then gave him a drop and grind worthy of a stripper. I was fuck hot!.

I crawled over to Jazz on my hands and knees and sat back like a good puppy. Jazz grinned

"What's my present?!"

Jazz laughed.

"Open your mouth, girl and close your eyes."

I did as told. I felt Jazz put something on my tongue.

Shrooms!!

My eyes popped open and I grinned. Jazz held up a baggie of my beloved fungus. I hopped up and snafooed that bag, diggin' in to my psilocybin friends. _Yummy in mah tummy! _This shin-dig was lookin' a whole lot better. Lookin' and would look a whole lot better. Mother Nature rocked, supplying everything we needed in life. That bitch and I were tight.

"You gunna get dressed Jazz or you goin' in your boxers?"

"Yeah, yeah, Bells-a-bub. Don't get your panties in a twist."

"I ain't wearin' any!"

"You're trouble, girl," he said shaking his head.

Jazz dressed in green cargos and a black sweater. He left his dreads down and didn't bother to shave, reminded me of a white version of Marley. He was gunna get snapped up by a lucky girl someday -- my Jazz. 

Before leaving the house I grabbed my slim-line point and shoot and tucked it in the front of my kilt.

Jazz drove while I rolled a pre-party favour. I could feel the shrooms crawling through my system like a slow, luxurious wave, making my vision seem brighter and hearing super awesome. When we got to Shaggy's abode we stood by the hearse and smoked the fatty I had rolled. A weed and fungus salad. Made my skin wicked tingly.

"Check out that shack, Jazz. Fuck me."

"Guess someone got some dough. You still sure you wanna go in? I gotta bad feeling 'bout this, Bells-a-bub. These aren't our peeps you know? We could always go see a flick. I'd even flick you at the flick ifn you want."

"We'll go in, have a few wobbly pops, and if it blows we leave. I'm still gunna make you flick me off though."

We finished the pre-party favour and walked to the doors hand in hand. I made sure my sunglasses were in place, even though it was dark outside. Maybe I was a little nervous. These weren't our peeps. Jockus Popularis were beyond those doors. This was a field experiment, observations of a different species. This was gonzo journalism. This was a peek into the other side, expanding our world view.  
**  
**And I was pleasantly baked.

**

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EPOV **

So I probably should have paced myself a little more than I did at the beginning of the leap year party. In retrospect, downing six consecutive shots of Patron was a bad idea. My thinking at the time was that I wanted to get a really good buzz going. The six shots of tequila did just that. Hey, at least I had been enjoying myself, right? Not a single homicidal thought had crossed my mind so far tonight, which was rare considering the fact that I had been hanging out with Rosalie since school had let out.

_What can I say? Alcohol makes me actually_ like_people. Perish the thought, right?_

The music changed to the song "Get the Party Started" by Pink. Girls from all over the room squealed and rushed to the area that was serving as a dance floor.

Mike Newton strolled over to where I was standing and handed me a red cup. I clapped him on his back in appreciation, and took a large sip, assuming it was beer. The taste that I was met with was not beer. "What the fuck is this?" I questioned, squinting an eye at him.

"Jesus Juice, man!" Mike happily exclaimed.

_Add Everclear to the alcohol you have drank so far tonight, Edward. Everclear and Patron don't seem like they would mesh well in your stomach, smart guy… fuck it. _I tipped my cup up and polished off the strong drink.

Whoever Rosalie hired as a DJ was having fun fucking with the girls at the party, because when he played "I Wanna Be Bad" by Willa Ford, all the girls around me started screaming "Oh mah gah! I love this song" for possibly the millionth time tonight.

_We get it, drunk girls. Get a little bit of alcohol in your system and you love _every_ song._

Jessica and Lauren sidled up to me and started grinding on each other, pushing one another into me. I knew that they were trying to be sexy by playing their drunk lesbian game, but the sober part of me did _not_ find their act attractive.

_But the completely buzzed part of you wanted to tap both of their asses. Admit it._

Lauren and Jess turned to me and smiled before they rubbed their asses and tits all over my body, treating me like a human stripper pole of sorts. I smiled, because _fuck,_ I was a man.

Jessica smirked at me before she placed her hand over the zipper of my pants and suggestively bit her lip.

_Jessica. Not my flavor of choice, by any means, but at least I would get some tonight. Fuck you, Emmett, 'cause it didn't take a swimming pool full of alcohol to land me some ass tonight._

_Swimming pool..._

_Olympic sized swimming pools..._

_Bella..._

_Of _course,_ I would think of Bella at this time. When two fucking skanks are grinding on me like they are thirsty, and I am the cold drink of water that they are in desperate need of._

_Fuck._

I shrugged Jessica and Lauren off me and skilfully waved the two of them together. They continued dancing and eventually started grinding on one another.

_If only I didn't know the kind of fucking idiotic morons those two could be...this scene in front of me could have definitely been hot._

The song changed to "Because I Got High" by Afroman. My attention was drawn away from the impending scene of best friends making out with each other to my thoughts of Bella.

I tossed the cup that Mike gave me to the ground and let my eyes roam the party, anxious to find Bella. My eyes found exactly what they were looking for as I spotted her on the dance floor. Apparently, the song "Because I Got High" wasn't a popular one because Bella was dancing by herself.

My cock hardened at the thought of getting close to her as I practically sprinted to the dance floor.

_Mini Eddie can get hard at the mere_ sight_ of Bella and you got to barely half staff when two girls were rubbing their bodies all over you? You need some help, Cullen. Seriously._

I got really close to Bella before I realized that she wasn't alone, that Jasper was leaning against the wall right next to the dance floor.

_Cocksucker._

Jasper seemed as though he was keeping a watchful eye on Bella as he held on to her beer while she was dancing.

_Keep holding her beer, asshole. I am going to take advantage of the fact that she has two open hands right now._

I walked right up to Bella and took her in my arms, pressing her startled body against mine. I took care not to press my fucking hard-on onto her leg as I took a deep breath and inhaled her glorious scent of pot, patchouli and wonderfulness.

Bella looked up at me and took off the sunglasses she was wearing, propping them up on her hat. Her fucking pupils were huge, and for the first time since I had met her, I wondered if she was on something other than pot.

I held Bella at arm's length for one moment and took in all that she was wearing tonight. Her unique sense of style somehow fit her, and if she were wearing anything else she would _not_ be nearly as sexy as she was right now.

_Unless the "anything else" was "nothing else". And fuck me...those thigh highs she is wearing are killing me. The exposed skin between those thigh highs and her kilt. It is making my already impossibly hard boner even more ridiculously hard. How is that fucking possible?_

"Mmmmm," she said smiling, "hey, Shaggy, fancy seeing you here. Some shack this is." Her body undulated, finding the rhythm of the music.

"Bella?" I asked, returning her smile. "Fancy seeing me here, huh? You are surprised you are seeing me, at my house? Where I live? Babe, what _are_ you on?"

I thickly swallowed before she could reply. Honestly, the way that Bella was moving her body was going to be the death of me. _I want nothing more than to grab this glorious creature and lock her up in my bedroom. _

"Can you feel it Shaggy? Everything feels like it is breathing. In and out..." She closed her eyes and tipped her head back, never once breaking rhythm with the music. Her hands slid up the sides of her body and above her head. Girl could have made a fortune as a stripper.

"Ooookay. So, really high, huh?" _I need to die now before my angry boner pops out of my pants and kills everyone around me. Bella seriously has to stop fucking moving like that!_

"Not high, Shaggy, expanded consciousness. See things and feel things as they really are - colors, textures, sounds. You are too restricted. You need to loosen up. Live. Don't be such an asshat." She reached out and touched my shirt with her fingertips, flicking open one of the buttons. "Live a little." She smiled mischievously.

I titled my head and grinned. "Live a little, huh?" I joked, flicking open another one of my buttons.

_Fuck. I like where this is going._

"Yeah, Shaggy. When have you really had some fun? Stopped living in your head? When do you just feel?" She danced close to me, her hips slowly gyrating in time with the music."Do you know your hair is like smouldering fire?" She lifted a small hand and touched the exposed skin of my chest. She gasped breathlessly as her skin made contact with mine, smiled at me, licked her lips and then danced back a step. "God, you can see the music. Can you see it Shaggy?"

_Would it be inappropriate if I started undressing _her_? _Mini Eddie asked before my brain was able to take over. _Fuck. Gotta control those thoughts._

I didn't know how to answer Bella. First of all, I don't remember the last time that I really _lived_ without over-thinking everything. Even her free-spirited presence hasn't stopped me from doing that. Shit, as soon as she moved here and I started feeling anything for her, I booked it in the other direction and hid under the guise of having the flu. 

_What the fuck would life even be like if I stopped living in my head?_ I shuddered at the thought.

Secondly, I did not see the music that she was talking about seeing. She was _high as a kite_ and although I was buzzed from the alcohol, I wasn't high. And I was certainly not seeing things. If I told Bella that I did _not_, in fact, see the music that she was claiming to see, she would go rigid and accuse me of being lame some way or another.

So, I chose to not answer Bella with words, but with actions instead.

I placed my hands on Bella's fuck hot hips, and pulled her closer to me as I tried to move my body along with hers. Dancing is not my forte by any means, but I had some alcohol in me, so I had loosened up enough to grind when grinding was called for.

"That's it, Shaggy, loosen up. See the music, so fucking colorful. Feel it, let it wrap around you. Now feel how everything is breathing...the walls, the floor, the lights." She turned in my grip, grinding her ass against my pelvis, seemingly oblivious to how hard I was.

I placed my hands on her hips and pulled her even closer. Leaning in to her neck, I placed a small kiss under her earlobe. "You are driving me crazy, Bella."

_Fuck. I am, like, so close to coming in my pants._

Bella didn't react to my first kiss, so I leaned in closer yet and placed another kiss, this time right below her jaw next to her pulse point.

"Whattya doin', Shaggy? You're making my skin tingle. Like electricity." She tilted her head to allow me better access. Her arms lifted and her fingers threaded through my hair, pulling.

I smiled as I continued kissing down her neck, bravely letting my left hand roam her abdomen while my right hand stayed anchored on her hip. My hand roamed higher and higher with each pass of her stomach, and I eagerly anticipated running my hand over her breasts. Or, you know, strip her naked and take a nipple in my mouth.

I chanced a slight look up from my spot on Bella's neck and noticed that, besides cocksucker Jasper who was eyeing me with hatred, Bella and I were alone on the dance floor. It seemed that everyone had cleared to the far side of the room, where people were milling around one spot near the door. Since this was my house and god only knew where Emmett was, I probably should have been worried as to what the party attendees were up to. People crowded around one area was never a good sign. Be it a fight, or sexual party tricks like popping a ping pong ball outta someone's nasty cooch, etc. Like I said, it was never a good sign to have people gathered around as a crowd at a party.

But I could have cared less. I was horny as _fuck_ and the object of my desire was grinding against me.

"Breathe, Shaggy. Get outta your head. MMmmmm," she moaned, grinding her ass directly against my cock, her body undulating, rocking, fucking while we danced.

"Fuck, Bella," I said, pressing her hard against my erection. "I fucking want you so bad."

"You want everything, Shaggy. There's a price, the universe demands it. Karma demands it. What are you gunna pay? What are you gunna sacrifice? Who are you gunna sacrifice?" The song changed and her hips slowed, grinding, gyrating, teasing.

"Anything," I leaned in and whispered in Bella's ear. "Everything." My tongue caressed the delicate shape of her ear, biting the lobe gently.

_Nothing, _the completely sober, non-horny part of me scolded. _You barely know this broad. She looks like a good lay, and she smells fucking fantastic, but outside of that?_

_She's artistic…_

_And unique…_

_And a brilliant stoner…_

_Who you hardly know._

_But you want to fuck her senseless. So I can let Bella believe that I would sacrifice everything to be with her, regardless of how false that may be._

"Please, Bella," I pleaded, "please come upstairs with me."

As I was waiting for the "yes" to tumble from Bella's beautiful lips, a loud throat clearing that came from none other than Bella's precious Jazz broke the verbal silence in the room.

He must have been calmly watching the entire time and didn't bother to interrupt until he felt that things had progressed to the point of it being unacceptable.

_I will fucking kill you, you stupid cocksucker._

I semi-possessively wrapped my arms around Bella as I turned her towards me and in turn, away from Jasper. Jasper glared daggers at me and I returned his horrible manners with a sweet smile of my own.

_She's in my arms now, motherfucker._

Bella wiggled around so she could face Jasper. Jasper, _the goddamn asshole_, crooked his finger in a come-hither motion, summoning Bella to return to him.

I instinctively squeezed Bella a little tighter before she broke from my hold and danced over to Jasper, her movements sultry and teasing.

_Cocksucker._

I wanted to cry at the loss I felt when Bella left me for Jasper, my body still remembered hers rubbing against it. I wanted to freak out when Jasper handed Bella her beer and turned her so that her ass was positioned precariously over his groin. And I wanted to commit murder--Jasper being my only victim-- when he leaned in and whispered in Bella's ear, right before he put his hand slowly up the front of her shirt. Bella giggled at whatever it was he said and leaned back into his chest. She swayed against him. His hand moved under her shirt.

I have never wanted to kill someone--_to fucking smell their blood--_more than I did at that moment. Jasper had pushed every last button of mine, and the asshole knew it, thrived on it.

I ground my teeth and watched as Jasper looked at me with a fucking cocky smile--possibly the same one that I had displayed on my face only moments earlier--and flicked his thumb over Bella's nipple. Her body shuddered, grinding hard into him.

I fucking saw red. I didn't know what else to do except get the hell out of there before I killed Jasper. Stopping at one of the few stand-up bar areas we had littered along the great room, I grabbed a bottle of Jack and eyed the bartender, daring him to say something to me. Satisfied that the man that I hired to take care of my party wouldn't defy me, I tilted the bottle back and took a long ass pull from it, welcoming the warmth that the alcohol brought my body. As if I weren't warm enough as it was.

The anger that Jasper's obvious possessiveness and successful cock block had caused fucking radiated from my pores. I felt like I was on fucking fire. And it didn't help that my goddamn cock was still solid as a rock.

As I peered around the room, I took another large drink and tried to figure out what my next step would be. I needed to release some of the pent up _aggression _I had built up, and I needed to find something to release it into. I spotted Jessica, who was dancing against Tyler on the other side of the room, and made my way over to her.

_Okay. So, I will fuck Jessica and at least get rid of the raging goddamn hard-on that I am walking around with._

I reached out and grabbed her arm, lightly yanking her over to me. "Can I talk to you for a second, Jess?"

She looked at me through half-open eyes. She was _plastered_ drunk. "Wha' about, Eddie?"

I cringed at the childish nickname and took another swing of Jack. "I need to talk to you, in private. In my room."

Jess lit up like a Christmas tree. "Sure, Eddie. Just, um, mind helping me," she hiccupped, "up there?"

I squeezed my eyes shut and pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. I knew that as soon as the effects of Bella and the effects of the alcohol were gone, I would regret pursuing Jessica. If I didn't do something to get my mind away from the beautiful and enchanting stoner that I had actively pursued and got rejected by, I would go crazy.

It looked like the "something" that I was looking for was Jessica Stanley. Reaching around Jessica and grabbing a shot glass, I poured a shot of 151 and downed it. And then I downed another. And another. And one more for good measure.

_Pretty sure my esophagus is on fire now, too. Thanks, Bacardi 151. You took my focus off my dick and aimed it towards the pain that is now radiating down my sternum. _

I put the shot glass back down on the table. Wrapping my hand around the nearly empty bottle of Jack that I was still carrying, I turned and smirked at Jessica. "Sure babe," I said, suddenly feeling the effects of the alcohol swirling in my system.

I dipped down and hoisted Jessica's awkward figure into my arms. She giggled and made some comment about my strong muscles. Although I can't be sure what she said, because it was at that moment when I had wished that I was bringing a totally different girl into my bed.

A girl that smelled like pot, and wore the sexiest knee high socks in the whole fucking world.

_Fuck, I hate you, Jasper. _

_

* * *

_

**BPOV **  
"C'mon, Bells-a-bub, we gotta get outta here. This is not a good scene," Jazz whispered in my ear. My Jazz. His voice sounded like the earth, grounded, warm, secure. My rock.

"Jazz, just dancing. Feelin' life breathing through here. The walls have a heart beat."

"They are trying to steal your soul, girl," he said, licking my neck. "He tried."

"Who? Shaggy?"

"He got any closer and you would have been ridin' that pony."

"Shaggy's just a man-whore, Jazz bug. I got his number. S'cool. I have the antidote."

I got his number all right. Man-whore extraordinaire. Didn't mean I couldn't feel how hard that pony was, or how his lips felt against my skin, or how those little kisses shot straight to my kitty -- might as well have just licked my clit. How his body seemed to breathe into mine, music wrapping around us. How the lights played games with his features. _Fuck, girl! Can't get worked up like this. Can't fuck the study participants. Jane didn't go in there and bang the gorillas... Hunter might have, though.  
_  
"Let's go, Bells-a-bub." His hand rubbed circles over my skin, raising all those little hairs, making the tinglies come running out. Maybe for one night I could forget it was my Jazz. Maybe the ache would go away. Or maybe I just needed more dope -- some Myrtle or Pipesworth. Something.

"Kay, but I gotta water the plants first."

Jazz and I looked for the pisser. We could have filmed a Dora episode in this shack. It was HUGE. We could have used Map, Google Earth, bat sonar. Bat sonar! Probably would get fucked up since the walls were too busy breathing. Found the kitchen first. We agreed that every good expedition needed a spatula and a strainer, so I tucked the spatula in to my waistband near the camera and wielded my trusty strainer. Ready for battle. Ready for battling the demons on the way to the john. We needed to keep our souls intact.

**  


* * *

**

**EPOV**

Sex with Jessica was a blur, an uncoordinated, ridiculously pathetic blur.

_Thank fucking God for condoms. I wouldn't want to touch..._that_...more than I needed to._

Honestly, Jessica screaming my name in ecstasy did absolutely nothing for me. Watching her mediocre breasts bounce up and down while she rode my dick did nothing for me. To think that I had wanted to have sex with Jessica; what a fucking joke. For just about the entire time we were fucking, I wished that I would just blow my load already, so I could get some fucking sleep.

I was done with the mistake that my day had become. Isabella Swan and her assfuck of a best friend had fucked with my mind more than enough for my drunken self to handle anymore so…I flipped Jess over so that she was on all fours. She fell onto her elbows, her forehead resting against the bed as I pounded into her from behind. _Fuck, she was like a hotdog down a hallway. _

I could hear voices in the hall, but I continued taking my anger out on Jess.

"Jazz, I gotta piss. One of these doors leads to the shitter. If these walls would stop ripplin' I could find the door. You take the doors on the other side, but not the flip side, cause then I'll get lost."

My bedroom door opened, Bella standing in the doorway. It took her beautiful, drug addled brain a moment to figure it out, but then she did the oddest and hottest thing: she leaned against the doorframe and watched me fuck Jess. Her eyes were glued to mine, a smile playing at her lips.

Bella slowly slid her shirt up part way, slid her hand down the front of her kilt and pulled out a small camera. She took a few pictures then mouthed .... _man-whore._ She grinned, put her sunglasses on, waved a strainer at me and stepped out of the room, closing the door behind her.

Just the sight of Bella and the idea that she was _in my room_ while I was having sex spurred my orgasm. I finished pounding the shit out of Jessica and pulled out without giving any thought what-so-ever about her post-coital state.

I padded over to the bathroom en-suite and turned the shower on. I jumped in and adjusted the water temperature to something favorable...and something that would hopefully kill all of the _Jess Stanley_ germs that had taken residence on my body_.  
_  
I lathered up the soap and started scrubbing my body down as my thoughts turned to what happened to cause my orgasm.

No, it wasn't the girl that I was fucking that had caused me to blow my load. It was the girl who walked in and took _pictures_ of me fucking another girl that caused my body to have that reaction. A girl who had a camera tucked down her skirt--and a spatula. I wanted that camera, and that spatula.

_Bella._

My dick miraculously got hard again simply because I thought her name. It was a miracle, plain and simple, because of the amount of alcohol that I had drank...mini Eddie should seriously have been down for the count. I looked down at my cock, which was practically waving at me, and thought about rubbing one out quickly to the image of Bella that was now ingrained in my mind. My hand wrapped around my member and I started to stroke myself, but I decided quickly against it; I was just too exhausted and too drunk to even give a fuck anymore. So, despite my efforts with Jess, I was going to be going to bed with a stiffy anyway.

_Bella fucking took pictures of you, man. She took pictures of you fucking the disgusting whore that you can't even stand to talk to for the duration of your lunch period._

_Bella was right. You _are_ a fucking man-whore._

The thought that bothered me the most? I don't think that I wanted Bella to see that side of me. I almost wanted to prove her wrong about me being a "love 'em and leave 'em" kind of guy.

_Now she has pictures of me caught in the act of man-whoring...evidence that this event really did happen. Damn it all to hell. _

_The pictures had to be destroyed, plain and simple. There is just no way that I would be able to live with my melodramatic self if there was an Edward/Jessica porn picture floating around out there._

_The thought of Bella owning those pictures? Fucking made me want to throw up a little. And vomiting was something that I wanted to steer clear of when you considered how drunk I was. Once those floodgates opened, there was no stopping them.  
_  
I quickly got dressed and turned to the door, preparing to exit, before I remembered that I still had a guest in my bedroom. "You better be outta here before I get back," I called over my shoulder to Jessica. "And I swear to God if you puke on any of my shit, I will have your fucking head."

I slammed the door behind me and trudged into the hallway.

_Fuck,_ I thought as I struggled to stay vertical. Gravity just seemed to be against me tonight. _Why did I have to drink so much? Finding Bella wouldn't have been such a feat if I wasn't nine sheets to the wind._

I clamored over to the wall and trailed my fingers along it, feeling a little more confident with my walking skills now that I could feel the wall against me. Because at least now if I fell, I would be falling against the wall, right?

_Cullen, your logic is impecc...impe...impeccable when you are drunk._

I rounded the corner and sighed when I saw the staircase that was in front of me.

_How the hell am I gonna manage to walk down _that_?_

_Very, very carefully._

I grabbed on to the railing next to the staircase and clutched it like I actually needed it to walk. _Aw, hell, maybe I _did _need it to walk. Who the fuck knows?_

I got to about the third to the last step before I fell and landed on my ass. It felt like I had busted my tailbone, which would have make sense, because I am awesome like that. _It seems like the Patron and Everclear and Jack and Bacardi really _didn't_ like being mixed._

"Whoa!" I heard someone say before they started laughing. "E, man! Need some help?"

Tyler reached out a hand. I waved it off and got up on my own. "'Sall good man," I said, brushing my pants off. "Hey, ya seen Bella around here?"

Tyler furrowed his eyebrows. "Bella? Bella Swan? As in, Swan spawn?"

"Yeah," I replied, waving my hand at him and closing my eyes. "Bella Swan."

"Uhhh...E? Why are you looking for _her, _man? Didn't you go upstairs with Jessica?"

I swallowed thickly and nodded, noting how dry my mouth felt. "Yeah, I did. But um...Swan has something of mine, and I…need to find her to get it back."

_Damn right. Bitch has got my pride._

"Ah, I see," Tyler nodded. "Ummm...I think that I saw her walking towards the front door or something." Tyler motioned to the front of the house.

"Shit!" I said, grinding my teeth. They fucking felt like chalk had coated them. "How long ago was that?" I asked, suddenly scared that Bella and Jasperbuttfuck had left before I was able to talk to Bella about the pictures.

"Not too long ago, bro," Tyler caught on to my worry and quickly added, "but don't worry, Rosalie detoured them into the kitchen."

I frowned. "Them?"

"Yeah, Spawn and her grungy-ass friend," Tyler replied, running a hand through his short, Emmett-like hair.

_Fucking Jasper._

"Huh?" Tyler asked, confusion painting his face.

"Hmm?" I turned my half-closed eyes to look at Tyler once again.

_Shit. I just said that out loud. _

"You just said, 'fucking Jasper.' Do we know a Jasper? Oh, is Jasper the new guy? I wouldn't take you to be someone who would know new guy's name. Especially if the new guy is a waste of space."

"Oh, uh...yeah, I guess. Looks like my memory's much better than originally thought, huh?" _Thank God I am drunk right now. My babbling will fall under the "stupid things that are said while drunk" category._

I mean, it wasn't like I can just go out and say, "_Gee Tyler, I know that his name is Jasper because not only do I talk to his probable fuck buddy, but the jerkwad fucking cockblocked me, like, an hour ago from said probable fuck buddy. And did I mention that both fuck buddy and jerkwad are considered social retards with our friends?"_

Oh yeah. That would go over REAL well.  
_  
_"Okay, E. Hey, are you sure that you are okay? Do you want me to go see if I can hunt down the Spawn for you?"

I debated his offer for a moment. _I mean, damn; that actually sounds like a good idea. I could have Tyler do the dirty work for me, 'cause the kitchen is so far away from me right now. _I looked up and calculated the distance to the kitchen to be minimal, within crawling distance...but to my drunk ass, ten feet was, like, ten miles.

"Nah man, I got it. Thanks for, um, pointing me in the right direction."

I slowly walked towards the kitchen, taking extra care not to fall over, trip, walk into someone on the way into the room.

_Thank you, 151, for impairing my ability to walk like a human being._

Entering the kitchen, my eyes finally found the woman that I had spent the last few minutes staggering around trying to find. Of course, she was positioned in between Jasper's legs as he sat on the kitchen counter top. Looking at him with wonderment, she was snapping pictures of Jasper and herself with abandonment.

"Jazz, hold still. You've got a purple halo. Lemme get it."

I tried to walk up to Bella very casually. Luckily for me, I did not trip.

"Hey, Bella. Can I…can I, um, talk to you for a second?" I slurred, licking my lips.

She slowly turned, still between Jasper's legs.

"Sure thing, Shaggy. What's... up?" she grinned, popping the 'p'.

"Can I...talk to you alone? Like, maybe…you by yourself?" I threw a pointed glance at Jasper.

"Yeah, Shaggy. Think I can arrange a meet." She looked at Jazz, gave him a secret smile which turned into a saucy grin as she wielded her strainer. "Lead the way, Shaggy."

I almost laughed as she told me to "lead the way". As if I wasn't struggling to walk as it was.

_Fuck it. Now you've got your chance to talk to her alone...take it, man._

I started leading Bella towards the only place that I could think of-- our swimming pool. "Come on, this way," I demanded, reaching out to grab her hand. Although it looked like I was reaching out for her hand in a tenderly suggestive way, I was really reaching out to grab her so I could have a little added walking support for our trek to the poolroom.

"Where we goin' Shaggy?"

I grinned and raised my eyebrow. "Where d'ya think we're going?"

"Hope it's somewhere good. Somewhere that has orange things to eat." Bella stopped. "S'riously Shaggy. Whattya want? Don't want to leave my Jazz alone. I gotta protect his soul."

I stopped joking with Bella at the mention of Jasper. Again. _Fucking cocksucking cockblocker, ruining my alone time even when he wasn't in the same room as I was. _

The smile wiped from my face, I swallowed thickly. "I...uh. I wanted to talk ta ya 'bout what you saw earlier."

"Jazz's purple halo? You've got one too you know, just not purple."

I squeezed Bella's hand that was still cupped with mine. Feeling steady enough to stand on my own, I let go of her hand and pulled my own back to my body. "No, Bella. Not that." Bella's thought settled in my mind and my brow furrowed in question. "Wait...whattya mean when you say that I have a halo?"

"You just got one. Lemme get it." She took her camera from the front of her kilt and took several pictures of me from different angles. "Makes you look beautiful, Shaggy." She blinked. "Whaddya want? Gotta hurry. Jazz might think you stole my soul and he'll come lookin' to slay the dragons." She tucked her camera back into the front of her kilt.

"You are really starting to hurt my ego here, B. You know that you and Jasper don't need to be 'fraid of me, right?" I bit my tongue when I realized what I said, and noticed that I couldn't feel my tongue even when I had my teeth clamped down on it. _That is so weird...is that normal? Can I normally not feel my tongue?_

"Why would we be 'fraid of you? Jazz and I ain't afraid of anything, especially not boys with smouldering fire hair and Jolly Rancher green eyes."

I brushed off her comment of fire hair and Jolly Rancher eyes, because she was clearly still out of her mind with whatever she was on, and I was too drunk to give it a second thought. "Bella, you keep talking about someone 'stealing your soul', and adding that Jasper is gonna slay something? How could I not come to the con…con…clusion that you are sc'ared of me?"

"Well, I'm not 'fraid. What is it you want, Shaggy? 'Cause I don't think you wanna be here talking about souls and demons when you could be up fuckin' one of the leaders of cheer."

I stepped back and used my arm to brace myself up against the wall. "Oh, God damn it, Bella. Just...fuck!" I exclaimed, pinching the bridge of my nose. _Why the fuck did she have to walk in on that? Good Christ, now she will have something to hold over my head for fucking ever. _

"What?! Dude, you are so turning my trip bad." She took the spatula from her skirt and poked me with it. "You're drunk. You need to sleep. I need to go get my Jazz and go home."

Feeling remorseful that I had brought her down a little from her high, I stopped pinching my nose and looked Bella right in the eyes the best I could in my drunken state. "Look, Bella. I really need you to delete them photos that you took of Jessica and me."

"No can do, Shaggy. They have been taken. Moments of time captured. You can't take that back. Part of the Bella-Experience now." She pushed the camera a little farther down the front of her kilt.

"Okay, so I get what you are saying. But you honestly have to understand that there is no way in…hell I can live with the idea of there being perm'nt evidence of the fact that I had sex with Jess." I could feel my palms start to sweat at the idea of those pictures not being deleted.

"Evidence will always be there, Shaggy, if not in pixels then in memories which are kinda like pixels. Can't delete captured moments. Doesn't change things, never will." She looked sad for a moment, but the look soon passed. "Guess you should put more thought into who you bump uglies with."

I reached out for her hand again, feeling unsteady as I pulled myself away from the wall. "Please, Bella," I rubbed her hand, "please. Please delete those pictures."

I knew that I was grasping at straws, but I had to try something. _Bella kind of liked me, as a friend, right?_ There had to be something that I could do. Something. Anything. Edward Cullen was not above begging when it was called for.

"Can't do it, Shaggy. You can't take it back once it happened. I gotta get back to Jazz, gotta get home, the Fuzz will go ape-shit," she said, softly pulling her hand from mine.

_Yeah, so there is no way in hell she even likes me as a friend. What the fuck are you doing, Cullen? You have really fucked yourself over this time, douchebag. There is no way that she is going to cave._

"Yeah, I get it," I forlornly stated, running my now Bella-free hand through my hair. "I just..." I let out a deep breath. "Do you know how to find…get back to Jasper?"

"Yeah, I think I can forage through the wilderness," she said, waving her spatula. She paused a moment before adding, "If it makes you feel better, Shaggy, I didn't plan on showing anyone the capture. Some moments don't need to be hung out to dry."

"Thanks, Bella. I guess it feels minutely better that I won't have to walk into school and see the pictures plastered on the lockers or something. I have, however, had my hopes of political office officially dashed now. Ain't no way I could run with scandalous pics like those floating around." I lied, making it seem like my biggest worry with the pictures was the shame aspect of others seeing them. Regardless of whether or not she was gonna show them to anyone, I didn't want _her _to have them, plain and simple.

"We all got our skeletons, Shaggy."

"Yeah, well...I am sure that your skeletons aren't as bad as getting your pic…ture take'n having sex with Jess Stanley by the girl you wanted to impress. So..." _Well, well. Aren't you a morose motherfucker._ _And apparently because you are drunk, you see it fit to verbally spew whatever you are thinking about into the open. Trying to impress Bella, eh? Fucking loser._

_

* * *

  
_

**BPOV**

**  
**What the fuck? Impress me? I was too fuckin' baked for this shit. Seriously. Went from being a trip to Disney World to travelling to Buttfuck, Nowhere, and ya had to walk all the way with a pack of rabid circus freaks. Dude spent nearly 20 minutes trying to get his rocks off with me, and he's eating balls 'cause I had pics of him romping with the town's whore? Captured moments. I wish I'd captured his lips on my neck. _WHOA! No, don't say that Bells-a-bub. Don't make it real. Captured moment. You can't take them away. You can't erase them. I know. I tried. I tried when __she__ died. Once they are captured it's for real._

"Here, Shaggy," I said, handing him the strainer, "this will help you fight off your demons. Good luck with that."

I looked into his reddened Jolly Rancher green eyes before fighting my way through the jungle back to the dining hut where I had left my Jazz. I needed to get out of this shack and into some fresh air, or at least air scented with the sweet scent of Myrtle's exhaust. I needed the walls to stop pulsing, and the lights to stop following my movements. This place was like some sort of death womb; gotta pass the vaginal teeth. Once you are in you might not come out, and you always have to fight your way out.

"Jazz! Jazz! Wanna go home."

I turned into the kitchen and stopped dead. Dudes were holding down my Jazz while he fought hard like a bear to escape. Someone had cut away his sweater, exposing his superfine body. Someone had gagged him. Stepfords were crowded around, watching the fiasco. Two of the female Stepfords were kneeling in front of him, one had a jar of honey in her hand and was pouring it over his dreads, down his face and onto his chest, and the other was licking honey off his chest.

"You like this Jasper?" the one licking honey off his chest slurred. She cupped him roughly. "Is this how you and Isabella play? Fuckin' freaks. Does she beg for it?" Her filth made him fight harder. I could see her licking lower, and lower.

The blonde Stepford leaned in with a pair of scissors and hacked at one of his beautiful dreads. "It's like fucking dirty snakes coiled on your head. I don't know how you or Swan Spawn stand it." The dread came away in her hand. She worked at another, hacking away like it was some sort of lumber site.

"What the fuck is this shit?" My voice sounded like thundering trains over a wooden bridge. Made the walls shake.

The Dudes holding my Jazz jumped. Guess they hadn't expected the mighty Swan. It was enough though for my Jazz to escape their nefarious grasp and push away the succubae that were tormenting him. He grabbed my wrist and pulled me along behind him.

"C'mon, Bella, we're out." He called me Bella. Jazz only called me Bella when he was steamin' mad. Fuck.

I looked back as Jazz was hauling me out of the death womb. The Stepfords were standing in the living room laughing, the blond bitch holding two of Jazz's dreads.

"You are all seriously whacked. Crazy. Bat shit insane. Whores and wankers, the lot of you!" My trains thundered, boy how they thundered.

Jazz fought our way out of the wilderness. He had kept my soul safe. I didn't do such a good job of keeping his intact. What kind of fuckin' friend was I? The dragon had wounded him and it was my fault. They set the trap and we went romping right in. Fucked by Shaggy and the populars ... Jockus Popularis scores again.

* * *

**E/N:**

**Let me guess: you hate Edward now. Leave us some love even if you do. Please? **


	6. Aftermath and Catfights

**A/N: This is a collab project between Paige Parkker (writing Bella) and Michelle M Marie (writing Edward)  
A HUGE thank you to the ladies of PTB. You guys are wonderful and work overtime to correct my shitty mistakes (and Paige's once-in-a-never-mistake). You guys are amazing.**

**Just a reminder…neither of us own Twilight or it's characters. But we DO own this plot line, so…**

**

* * *

**

**BPOV  
**Jazz was the form of silence on the drive home. Plato would have been in love -- with the form that is, maybe my Jazz too. Boy on boy love was all good, hot and sexy. I tried talking, but he wasn't ready for words yet. I could feel the anger monkeys crawling over his skin. The waterworks threatened to flow from my peepers. I felt guilty and his lack of words weighed heavy. This was all my fault. I left my Jazz to the vultures, all for one shaggy haired boy who smelled good enough to jump. Jazz had promised to protect my soul and I should have been looking out for his. Instead, I let the dragon tear a piece off. What kind of fucking friend was I? What had I done to my fellow pod mate? I was a sorry excuse for a friend, that's what.

When we got home, we beat feet to our bedroom. I quietly pulled off Jazz's destroyed sweater with honey sticking to it. In a different time, in a different kingdom, this could have been hot. In fact, I may have seen this in a porno at a hotel we stayed at in Wyoming. The honey had dripped onto his pants, but the washing machine would take care of that. The sweater was beyond hope, its life force vanquished, the woollen weave garrotted. Honey coated his dreads, too, and then there were the missing two, right in the front. They hadn't cut close to the scalp so there were stubs. A dread amputation. Phantom pain and all.

"Get me the clippers, Bella."

"For what Jazz?" I said, eyeing him suspiciously and noting that he was calling me Bella. He was still upset.

"Gotta cut my hair."

"No... NO! I will not!" I couldn't control the waterworks. Big fat tears rolled down my cheeks. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Was my fault, Jazz. I'm so sorry. I didn't listen. I didn't protect you. I'm an ass. Please forgive me?" I sank to the floor, sobbing. I felt two inches tall, the Polly Pocket of Shame. You could find me right next to the Polly Pocket of Whoredom at Toys R Us.

"Don't cry, Bells-a-bub. Please. Shhhhhh, baby girl." Jazz pulled me off the floor and held me tight against his honeyed chest. He wrapped his fingers in my hair and kissed my forehead.

"I'm gunna fix this Jazz. You'll see. I'm gunna fix this. You go into the bathroom." I wiped my snotty nose with the back of my hand.

For the next two hours I carefully washed the sticky honey from Jazz's dreads using his dread shampoo. I had to backcomb and wax a few, but by the end, all the dreads looked good as new. The dread stubs stuck out like two malformed digits though. It would take a long time for them to get back to their original length, so I did the next best thing -- a transplant. I took scissors and chopped two sections of my hair. Jazz grabbed my wrist, but I wasn't having any of it. I secured my hair with his, popped a bead on to hide the rubber band, then backcombed, and waxed the lot. Two mahogany coloured dreads nestled with his golden blond. Now we really were part of each other. I fucked up and gave him a pound of flesh, or at least some hair. If he wanted the flesh, I would have given that to him too. He deserved more.

School on Monday was ballstastic. Normally I never let issues crawl under my skin like scabies, but this time was different. My Jazz's honour had been compromised and these Stepford fuck-ups were grinning and laughing like a pack of hyenas. If I had been right proper I would have called them out. A duel at sunrise. Pistols! I could feel the anger bubbling up like lava, but I knew that ripping into them would only fuel the blue flames of hell. So I ignored them. I ignored their jesting stares and whispered giggles. I held my Jazz's hand proudly, told him funny stories, danced like a floppy gidget, and sang like a wobbly toad. I acted like nothing had happened and let them rot in their bitchery. I didn't even respond when directly taunted. Jazz ignored the bunch too.

Sporks wasn't turning out to be any good.

XXXX

"My budding photographers! I have delightful news for you today," Ms. Jane chimed. Her voice reminded me of the tinkling bells you see at Christmas when you are watching the snow float lazily from the sky. That shit always hypnotized, until a flake landed on your eyeball and then there was just a chorus of MY EYE! That's how it was with snow. Them flakes have sharp edges and pointy points.

"The art department will be hosting the 7th annual Forks Gala, an art exhibition, and you, my little lambs, will have the opportunity to submit your original work for all of your peers to wow over. Now this must be original work, nothing you've handed in as an assignment. And it must be exceptional. I know you won't disappoint!"

An art show?! Wicked fucking cool! Maybe there was hope for Sporks High after all! Nothing wrong with bringin' in a little culture. From the look of the Stepfords and the automatons that shuffled through the main streets, art and inspiration and life and passion were so totally needed. I felt inspired. I needed my muse. I wanted to start right away. I needed my Jazz and a fat cannon and then I could start. I would switch it up and go old school, none of this digital. Maybe a series of black and whites? Or maybe I could find a theme in the hundreds of pictures I'd already taken around Sporks. Ant in my hot pants for sure!

"So, uh, Ms. Jane. If I had a portfolio already on the go, could I bring that in for your opinion?"

"That would be okay by me, Bella."

I needed to kiss Jazz. He did say I would need it one day. My Jazz, all that and a bag of chips and some of those sour keys.

XXXX

Despite the nefarious passage through the wilds of the Cullen party, allies soon made themselves known. Pixie Addams, Gothy Gert, and their tribe of kindred spirits embraced us wholeheartedly. In fact, this dude Jacob even gave me a broken heart charm. Seems he liked to work with metal. The detail was amazing, intricate, hard to imagine giant hands made such a small charm. Along with blacksmith Jacob came Angela and Ben -- two of the coolest motherfuckers around and hence dubbed Cheech and Chong. That girl could smoke bowls and run hot knives better than half the hippies I was ever down with. Ben just smiled and followed along. We hotboxed the hearse more than once. AND they agreed to pose for me. That was a serious declaration of camaraderie.

I made nice with everyone cause that's what the universe asks. I did notice that my Jazz was making real nice with Pixie Addams. I could see it in his eyes. He looked at her differently, there was something more there. I mean sure, there was friendship, but there was this hunger, this fascination. I'd never seen him look at me that way before and we did everything together. Pixie blushed a lot, and would touch his arm or face. He would lean into her. They whispered. She wasn't the same as the other vaginas he had stuck his dick in. Pixie Addams seemed to be good shit and my Jazz looked like he was falling.

Part of me was jealous.

My Jazz. My pod mate. My dreadknight.

This week could not end soon enough.

* * *

**EPOV **  
I don't even remember going to bed the night of the party.

To be honest, most of the night -- from dancing with Bella on -- was a complete blur. I remembered the important things...but the details were still unclear. I remembered striking out with Bella, having sex with Jess, and getting blown off by Bella yet again. And drinking. Drinking a lot.

It made perfect sense that I was horribly hungover the next day. I could barely climb out of bed the entirety of Saturday, which was an embarrassing thing for my ego to admit. All I really wanted to do was get out of bed and _burn _the sex sheets that were on my bed.

Emmett had to fill me in Saturday night on most of the crazy events that happened the night before, because, apparently, I had missed a multitude of goings-on. Jessica spilled beer on Lauren (after we had sex and I had kicked her out of my room) and caused a huge cat fight. Rosalie kicked a freshman out of the party for peeing in one of Esme's (gardener's) prized plants. Emmett caught two kids that we had never met before trying to have sex behind the big screen TV in the garden room.

And Jasper got a fresh haircut paired with a honey skin treatment. And it was done forcefully, of course.

Hearing after the fact that a hazing of sorts had been performed on Jasper caused my blood to boil. The idea upset me, regardless of how Jasper and I had sort of started out on the wrong foot.

_Upset? Yeah, upset...the way "the Hulk" does upset. Stark raving mad is more like it._

No one deserved to be treated the way Rosalie, Lauren, Mike and Tyler had treated Jasper at the party. _No one. _I don't care if he was the dickhead who was constantly cock blocking me, he didn't deserve to be treated like some kind of fucking animal. Honestly, what my friends did to him was fucking torture; a form of cruel and unusual punishment, if you will.

I just...I didn't know what to think. To know that my good friends, a fuck buddy of mine, and my probable future sister-in-law fucked with someone like that? Fucking killed me. Slayed me raw. _Am I really one of _those_ guys? With _those_ friends?_

I mean, I have known since Bella moved to Forks that my friends were on the shady side. Based on their judging comments and their clearly malicious statements directed towards Bella and Jasper, I knew that they weren't angels by any means. But to actually _act_ on their negative thoughts?

I had thought about how good it would feel to have cut Jasper's balls off like eight times during the Leap Year Party. But would I have actually acted on it? Fuck no; no way in hell.

I honestly didn't even know if I could look my friends in the eyes. What if _I_ had pissed them off at the party instead of Jasper? Would _I_ have been the one with a freshly done drunken haircut? I shuddered at the thought.

I effectively stayed away from everyone -- including Esme -- for the rest of the weekend under the guise of an "English project". It had in fact been a valid excuse...I had been staring at Bella practically all English class long, not paying attention in class or using my in-class study time to my advantage. Slacking in class had definitely caused my minimal amount of English homework to accumulate to something where I would actually need to do it outside of class.

When I came back into the socialized world on Monday (thankfully, free from my wicked hangover), I sadly wasn't surprised when I realized that all of Forks High School was buzzing about the "Cullen Party" and all of the events that went with it.

Including Jasper's "de-dreading".

_Especially _Jasper's "de-dreading".

Seemed as though Forks High thought it was hilarious that Jasper got fucking tortured at the party. _And I say this to you, FHS...you are all a bunch of sick mother fuckers._

I caught a quick glance at Jasper on Monday when I was walking between classes. I noticed that his hairstyle was indeed different, but instead of any of his dreads being shorter, two of them were half his hair color and half mahogany in color. Mahogany, as in the color of Bella's hair.

My friends cut Jasper's hair, so I bet Bella cut her hair. As a show of solidarity? Or maybe a show of penance?

My stomach lurched at the idea of Bella giving something from her own body up for Jasper. I knew that there was no one in my life (my mother and brother excluded) who would do anything like that for me, and part of me was jealous of the obvious bond that Bella and Jasper had. To even think that I was envious of a shitty situation made me feel even more shitty, regardless. Cause I was a selfish bastard.

_Goddamn, my friends suck. Or maybe it's just my friendships that suck? _

I ignored my friends the entirety of Monday. I chose to eat lunch in the library instead (because I couldn't eat off school grounds), which made it all too easy to ignore all of my friends the entire time that I was in school. Cause none of my friends had ever stepped foot in the library. _ I wonder if any of them even knew where it was located...?_

Jessica tried to pass me a note when we were in Spanish class, but I ripped it up and threw it away before I glanced to see what she had written.

_It was probably something along the lines of, "oh Edward. Your amazing cock was just so amazing. Can we, like, get together again and have amazing sex? Cause that would be amazing."_

I seriously did not want to be anywhere near my friends at that moment in time, even during class. Shit, I wasn't in the mood to be around people in general. And the one person that I actually wanted to talk to wouldn't have anything to do with me.

As soon as I saw Bella in class on Monday, I knew that I wouldn't be talking to her anytime soon. I also noticed that she had, indeed, cut a little bit of her hair off, which caused an uneasy feeling to settle in the pit of my stomach.

However many steps forward (and subsequently, backward..._thanks, Jess and photo porn_) I had taken...I may as well not even exist. Cause Bella wouldn't even _look_ at me.

I felt like a kicked puppy. I mean, I know that it was _my_ friends that had tortured Jasper, but it's not like I was in on the torture or anything.

_But it was _you_ who invited them to the party. And if you hadn't insisted to the point of almost begging to show Bella your "swimming pool", Jasper would have been at home and safe the night of dreadgate. And don't forget that you were the one who inadvertently distracted Bella by asking her about the porno pictures that you starred in when Jasper was getting his mental beat-down._

She couldn't think that I had anything to do with this, did she? _Fuuuuck. _This looked _really _bad, didn't it??

_Fuck my life; I am sure that she did. After all, at first glance, all of the signs did point to my involvement. No matter how incorrect they truly were._

I pulled out a piece of paper and wrote out the simple but all-encompassing phrase _I'm sorry _before passing the note over to Bella.

I was sorry, regardless of my innocence. More than anything, I was upset at my seeming involvement with hurting Jasper and Bella. I would never do anything like that to either of them, and had I known what Rosalie had planned for Jasper, I would have never in a million years agreed to having a fucking party in the first place.

But Bella never even looked at my note. She left it on the desk like it didn't exist.

On that Monday, she never found out just how sorry I truly was.

On that Monday, she never found out that I was questioning my entire fucking _being_ after my friends pulled the stunt that they did on Jasper.

_'Cause I don't want to be_ that_ person. I don't want to be a fucking bully, and to be frank, I don't know if I even want to associate with people who _are_ fucking bullies._

I would just have to wait for Bella to acknowledge me. 'Cause Bella couldn't ignore me for forever, right?

XXX

It had been a week since I had last spoken to Bella. An agonizing week since I had pressed my ridiculous boner into her leg while I dreamt about touching her breasts.

A fucking week since she caught me screwing the epitome of a teenage slut.

And a damned week since my friends went and ruined the relationship, with someone outside of my family, that I valued the most.

_Yes, I held my friendship -- if that's what you could call it -- with Bella at a high regard. She was just so...interesting. Different. Beautiful. Real. Not like any of the other "Stepfords" I have come across. She didn't bore me, nor did she piss me off. She was intelligent and having a conversation with her wasn't like pulling teeth. I truthfully looked forward to seeing her every day at school, just so I could see what her opinion of the day was, where on the menu she was writing when she was taking notes, and what she was doodling if she was sketching at all._

_And her body, particularly her breasts...just called to me. "Edward," they said, "come, touch us. Put us in your mouth, we taste delicious."_

God damn it, I _wanted_ to put Bella's breasts in my mouth. Among other things, of course. Like her mouth, from which her sassy and quirky comments originate. Her talented artist's fingers. Her clit, which I am sure also tasted delicious...

_"Man-whore Edward" was horny; but honestly, he couldn't bring himself to have sex with anyone._ _Getting caught with Jessica kind of ruined that. Every time I even_ pictured _myself having sex with someone, no matter how secure the location, I still imagined Bella barging into the room and taking photos of my dirty transgressions._

_Talk about a boner-shrinker. The act of Bella watching me have sex with someone and taking pictures just...made me absolutely sick to my stomach._

I decided to re-join my friends for lunch on Friday. Not because I had forgiven them or anything. But because on Thursday, the librarian informed me that although she enjoyed my company (insert sleazy, fifty-year-old-woman wink), students weren't technically permitted to eat lunch in the library. Apparently, it put the books in danger to have food or drink in close proximity. _Because, you know, no one ever eats or drinks anything when they are reading books at home._

So I grudgingly decided to start eating lunch with my friends once again. It was that or eat my lunch in the bathrooms...which was so fucking gross that I wouldn't even consider it.

At first, everyone seemed glad to see me eating lunch at the table once again. Mike, of course, insisted on fist bumping me. Rosalie scowled, and Emmett patted me on the back as Jessica and Lauren batted their over-mascaraed eyelashes at me.

Lunch progressed as it normally would. People talked about the upcoming baseball season, cheerleading practice, new Abercrombie and Fitch and Hollister apparel. Lunch was normal, that is, until Alice Brandon approached our lunch table, flanked by her BFF Leah Clearwater._  
_**  
**"You know, you guys are a real bunch of assholes. Especially you, Rosalie. You are a cunt. That's right: a C-U-N-T. I know you think you are all so high and mighty, but you aren't. You really are the scum at the bottom of the pool. Years will pass, and all anyone will remember about any of you is that you were spoilt rich bitches that were more useless than tits on a bull. I hope you are all real proud of yourselves," Alice spat.

Rosalie's face immediately turned red. Out of anger or embarrassment, I wasn't sure. "Fuck you, Alice," she growled. "Fuck you and the goddamn horse that you rode in on. Where the hell do you get off?"

"No, fuck you, Rosalie! All you had to do was be nice. Just once. But I guess that would have been too hard for your tiny brain. What you did to Jasper was inexcusable. You're lucky he didn't press charges against any of you. Did you forget that Bella's dad is a cop? Did you even think of that? I'm sure it's not too late. How would that look on your college applications, huh? Next time you decide to pull a stunt like that, I'll make you sorry you got a nose job."

"Oh, I see. Protective of Jasper, huh? Little Alice here must have a crush," Rosalie said in a singsong, yet evil voice. "And it's so fitting, too. The only person who would want an ugly ass like him is someone who is also an ugly ass. Please, for the sake of our world, don't reproduce. I don't think that the world would be able to handle that level of disgusting."

"Rosalie, you wouldn't know a beautiful person if one smacked you in the face. You can't even see beyond your own nose. Everything with you is superficial. There is more to life than Botox and face-lifts. And I'm not being protective. We all heard what happened at your farce of a party. Payback is a bitch. You've been warned."

"Oooo. Like I am _so scared_ of a mental little midget. Bring it on, bitch. There is nothing that you can do to me," Rosalie stated, standing up from her seat at the table and moving towards Alice.

Alice didn't retreat when Rosalie approached her. Instead, she pulled her arm back and released it quickly, landing an efficient jab right on Rosalie's prized nose.

_Holy shit. Shorty's got a wicked left hook._

"Consider that your first warning, cunt."

Rosalie let out a quick whimper and her hands flew out and cupped her nose. I watched in admiration as the telltale sign of blood began to seep out from in between Rosalie's fingers. Admiration, because not only did little Alice succeed in doing something that I have never been able to do, but she also hit someone who was like, twice her size. Rose wasn't large by any means, but she was tall. And muscular. And Emmett's girlfriend to boot.

Emmett, from his spot across the lunch table, stood up immediately. "Alice," he warned. "Not cool. Violence wasn't necessary."

Rosalie tried to say something but the blood that was spewing profusely from her nose prevented her from giving any sort of retort.

"Well, Emmett. Your bitch of a girlfriend had it coming. Maybe you should shorten her leash."

_Fuck, _I thought. _Make fun of Bitchalie as much as you want, but leave Em out of it. Cause it was funny when you were making fun of someone who deserved it...but Emmett's only crime is liking someone who is a wretched whore. _I stood from my spot at the table and started making my way over to where Emmett was standing. I tried to place my hand on his shoulder but he shrugged it off, turning his gaze instead to Rosalie, who was still bleeding. His shoulders heaved, and I could tell that he was really upset with what had happened. But what was he going to do? Alice was a girl, it's not as if he could hit her. _And there's the small fact that Alice was right...and Rosalie did ask for it._

_Will no one give this girl napkins or something? Fuck, the blood is _everywhere_._

Alice said nothing more, as she grabbed Leah's arm, turned, and exited the room. As soon as Alice left, Jessica rushed over and gave Rose a wad of paper towels. _Pansy had to wait until Big Bad Alice was gone before she could help her friend._

_Wait...did that really happen? Did Rosalie seriously just get punched in the face?_

I took quick inventory of the situation around me. _Blood everywhere, a crying Rosalie, a brooding Emmett...yep. It really happened._

I swear to God, ever since Bella and Jasper moved to Forks, the world has been turned upside down. And the world that's been turned upside down isn't just my world.

XXX

I walked into the English classroom, weary of what I might find there in regards to Isabella. I felt like a grade-A pussy, that's for sure.

_Little pansy Cullen makes another appearance. Oooo! I found your balls! They have officially ascended into your fucking stomach!_

I sat down next to Bella and dropped my books on my desk with a loud _thump. _

_Should I try to talk to Bella? Or should I continue being the fucking rejected pussy that we all know I am?_

I sat up straighter in my chair. _Edward Cullen is _not _a rejected pussy. Fuck that. I am not going to sit here and be owned by someone who doesn't have their facts straight. Bella has to know that I had nothing to do with Rosalie's plan. I can't sit here and let her ignore me forever when I didn't do anything wrong._

"Bella," I whispered. "Pssst, Bella."  
_  
_"Whattya want, Shaggy?" she said, not bothering to look at me.

"Bella, please. Please look at me."

_I am on my fucking knees, Bella. Goddamn it, look at me! _I wanted to scream and kick and punch and throw a little temper tantrum. But because Bella is not impressed by kindergarten antics, I kept my cool. If I even had any cool left anymore.

"Why, Shaggy? Got someone gunna come up behind and prank me? Hold me down and coat me in peanut butter?" she briefly looked at me.

_Ouch. That hurt. I think your balls just cowered up inside of your body cavity a little more._

"Bella, please understand that I had nothing to do with that. _Nothing_. I had no idea what was going on. If I had, I would have done everything in my power to stop it. I am really sorry that happened to Jasper. I really am. Please understand that." I wanted to reach out and run my hands through her hair and release some of her scent in the air. _I really miss the way she smells._

"Yeah, whatever, Shag. Don't see you doin' anything to change it now."

I felt my stomach fall to the ground. _Being rejected time and time again doesn't feel so great, now does it?_

"Bella, please talk to me about this," I begged. Yes, I begged. And if I needed to get on my knees, I was prepared to. 

_Rosalie gets punched and Cullen gets on his knees to beg. FHS would have a field day._

"Talk to you about what, Shaggy? About how your friends are douchebags? About how you lured me away so they could humiliate my best friend? Was the dancing a ruse too? Did you get hard to later embarrass me? What do you want to talk about? Huh?" she glared at me.  
_  
_I took a deep breath and let it out. I noticed that for the first time since she started here, Bella wasn't high during English class. As ridiculous as it sounds, it broke my heart a little bit more just knowing that not only has she changed Forks, but it appeared that Forks had also changed her. She wasn't the normal, happy, bubbly Bella that she was when I first met her.

_You are part of the reason why she isn't happy, dick head. You are scum for having a hand in the fact that Bella, a perfect creature in so many ways, has changed._

"Bella, it was absolutely nothing like that. My reactions towards you were all real. _Are_ all real," I swallowed thickly. "Tell me what you want me to do to prove to you that everything between us has been genuine. At least on my part."

"Sorry if I don't take your word for it, Shaggy. You and your group of friends aren't the most trustworthy."

I was getting nowhere, and I knew it. I had just fucking confessed everything that I was thinking and I didn't budge her in her resolve one bit. _God damn it. Why does someone so amazing have to be so damn stubborn? I don't think that even the act of me getting on my hands and knees and begging would make any little bit of a difference._

I let out a deep sigh and ran my hand over my face. "Yeah. Fuck." I pinched the bridge of my nose and attempted to keep the conversation going, because I wasn't ready to have Bella stop talking. _Would it be too pansy of me to admit to myself that I missed the sound of her voice?_ "Are...are you going to have anything in the student art show?" I asked in a wobbly voice. Even to me, I sounded like a pussy.

"Yeah, I'll probably enter some of my photos. Doubt the Stepfords here will really get 'em though."

"What kind of photos are you thinking about entering?" I hedged. _If she says Stanley porn, I will piss my pants._

"Ones that mean something, ones you have to think about. Nuthin' to worry your pretty little jock head about. You can just look at 'em and awww over the fluff."

"Somehow I don't associate your photos with anything that one would consider 'fluff.' I mean, I know that I have never seen your work before, but...you don't seem like a 'fluff' kind of girl. No puppies, no kittens, no flowers. But something with meaning. Even to a 'jock' like me."

"Yeah, well, we'll see, Shaggy. We'll see."

"I guess we will," I said, trying to smile a half smile. It felt like a small victory, either way. A very small victory. I know that she didn't actually want to talk to me, but I was able to get her to open up a little bit. Even if we were just talking about her art.

But with Bella, there was nothing "just" about her art. _Like I said, small victory._

_

* * *

_**BPOV**

I hadn't wanted to bring my portfolio into class for all the automatons to see so I opted for bringing it after. Showing my work in front of others always made me feel the tumultuous tummy twinges, like when you drop some good acid, but without the twelve hour smilesaurus. I prepared for the troublesome symptom by eatin' some hash brownies Angela made. A good body buzz was rejuvenating for the soul and banished the shakes. Have to give mad props to Mother Nature. That bitch had a cure for everything.

"Let me see what you have here, Bella," Ms. Jane said, opening the large portfolio. I stood silently beside her, anxiously waiting to hear what she had to say.

Only two things made me feel vulnerable: My Jazz and my art.

Some time ago Jazz had organized and grouped the photos into some semblance of order. Jazz was good at that when he needed to be. He saw the big picture. I liked to capture the moments, he created the universe. That's why we were soul mates. He kept my shit all up to date too, putting in the newer photos.

"These are really yours, Bella?"

"Yup. I got a good digital and a wicked old school Nikon. Some of the digitals have been post-processed in Photoshop on my Mac. But I'm usually not patient enough to fuc -- mess around with that shi -- stuff."

I was some nervous. Like a lima bean on the plate of a vegan. I kept waiting for her to say something like "This is utter wonky fruit nuts." Waiting like this was like the second coming of Christ, or I guess the first coming since dude was a virgin and all... so they say. Page after page. Moment after moment. A universe unfolded.

"Bella," Ms. Jane began, "your work is," I waited for the disappointment, "phenomenal. You have true talent. I haven't seen this before in someone your age."

I looked at Ms. Jane with wide eyes. Huh? Phenomenal? Did I smoke too much? Eat one too many of Angela's brownies?

"Bella, I'd like to borrow your portfolio to show a friend of mine. He owns a gallery in Seattle and is hosting a show next week. I'd like to see if he would put up some of your pieces. Would you be okay with that?"

Normally I was all about the verbal diarrhea, but at that moment in time I was pepto-fied. My photos in a gallery? A real gallery. Holy Shit! Jesus came!

"Fuck yeah! I mean, yes, Ms. Jane, that would be wicked awesome!"

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**E/N: Leave us some love. Please?? Poor Edward needs it (at least Michelle thinks he needs it)!**


	7. Coming Clean Semi Nude

**A/N: This is a collab project between Paige Parkker (who writes Drugella) and Michelle M Marie (who writes Stick-Up-His-Assward).**

**Again, neither of us owns Twilight or its corresponding characters. We do, however, own this fawkawesome plot. Paige owns the rights that a Canadian resident owns, and Michelle owns four positive pregnancy tests. You should all be jealous of us.**

**A big, huge thank-you goes out to the ladies of PTB (and idealistic4ever in particular) for cleaning up our hot mess. You all are amazing.**

**

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****Edward POV**  
I was headed to English when I became distracted by the student art show that was set up. Interested to see what it was that Bella had entered into the show, I walked towards the makeshift gallery before I saw something that stopped me dead in my tracks.

There, in front of me (and in front of whoever wanted to look), was a color photograph. The photograph was a close-up of...me. A picture of me was displayed in the student art show.

_I was a subject in the student art show?_

I leaned in and studied the photo, mortified that I was unknowingly a subject in what could be considered a work of art. Upon closer inspection, I realized that it was actually a very flattering picture. My ego did back flips.

The composition of the photo was very interesting, to say the least. It appeared to have been taken while I was at school, possibly during lunch? I wasn't sure, because the back ground faded away. I looked pensive; what had I been thinking about? It looked as though the color of the photograph had been enhanced, perhaps to play off my features? I didn't think that my eyes were as green as they appeared, nor did I feel that my hair was as vibrant in color either.

Like I said, it was a very flattering picture.

I leaned in closer to see who the photograph was credited to, even though I had a pretty good idea who had taken it.

_Student Life  
2 of 4  
by I. Swan._

I noted that the picture was picture number two of a four picture series, and quickly took inventory of the other photographs around me.

There was a picture of Alice Brandon, a picture of Eric Yorkie, and a picture of Emily Young, all stylistically the same as the photograph of me. They all flattered. In fact, the pictures made them all remarkably beautiful in some way.

_"Student Life", huh? Oh, I think I get it. A picture of a jock, a social outcast, a computer geek and a band member._

How is it that Bella had been attending our school for such a short amount of time, and yet she was able to nail down the social groups as though she had been living in Forks her entire life? Some people who had been attending this school wouldn't be as astute as Bella was after living in Washington for just a few months.

_But Bella is different. And you know that._

Emmett scared the ever living shit out of me when he came up behind me and placed his hand on my shoulder. "So, E... mind sharing with me why there is a picture of you in the art show?"

I felt my face twitch in worry and I looked around Em and me, taking note of the students in the makeshift gallery. _Good, no Rosalie or Jessica or Lauren._

"Uh, actually, I have a class with B-Isabella. I actually sit right next to her. You knew that, right? Anyways, she must have taken it when we were in, uh, class. But I don't even remember seeing a camera..." _Lie. Bella has taken your picture on more than one occasion, and you have usually been aware of her taking the photo._

_But I mean, good cover, man. Way to keep rambling like a little vag the entire time you were trying to get your point across. Hey, if you ramble and dangle flashy words like 'camera' in Emmett's face, maybe he will forget the topic at hand, right?_

Emmett's head tilted as he looked at the photo in front of him. "Yeah, E, I guess. You do look like you are thinking in this picture, so it would make sense that you were in class. But what class do you have with Swan? You've never had to think as hard as you look like you are thinking like, a day in your life, little bro. Must be a tough class."

_Gulp. _"Uh, we have English together."

Emmett pursed his lips. "English? With Molina? That class is easy as balls, especially for a fucking kid genius like you."

_Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck. _"Yeah, well..." _What do I say??_

_Truth. Go with the truth. Cause once you start lying to Em, then you will never stop. _"I actually don't know what I was thinking about, bro. I asked myself the same question a few seconds ago." I smirked with pride for not having to lie to my brother.

Emmett saw my smile and read it for something it wasn't. "You weren't thinking about school, were ya? You sly dog." Emmett nudged my shoulder with his fist and grinned.

"Oh yeah. Probably thinking about a way to..." _Get into Bella's pants? Make her scream my name instead of Jasper's? _"Get Lauren out of class? So we could practice some extra-curricular activities on school grounds?" _Thanks a lot Emmett, for pushing the fucking topic._

"Oh hell, that Lauren. You know you don't have to think that hard to get her away from her studies, yeah? All you have to say is, 'Hey, Lauren. You, me, now?' and the girl would be all over your junk like bees on honey."

I shuddered at the scene that he was painting, because I knew it was true. But what would I say to that? _ I don't want to talk about Lauren anymore._ "Touché, big brother. Touché."

Emmett understood that I wanted the subject dropped and nodded. He grasped his hand around the strap of the book bag that he was carrying and shifted the bag to his other shoulder. "Yeah, well...hey, you're gonna stay after school to work out with Tyler and Mike, right?"

"That's the plan."

"Okay. Talk to you then, huh? Gotta go see Rosie to her next class," Emmett stated, turning his body towards the exit of the gallery.

"Yeah, sure," I said, turning my gaze for one last time toward the picture of me that was hanging on the wall.

_Why did Bella decide to use a picture of me? Me, over all of the other people in my social group?_

Good thing I have English with Bella next. _I will have the perfect opportunity to ask her why she chose me as a subject._ I positioned my body to the direction of my next class and headed down the hallway towards English class.

I approached the English room, walked in, and took my seat next to Bella. Luckily for me, she was already in class, so I didn't have to waste any time and got right down to my questioning.

"Hey, Bella. Saw your artwork on display. Interesting choice of subject, don't you think?" I grinned at her.

"All my subjects are interestin', Shaggy. Otherwise I wouldn't capture 'em." Her words flowed like liquid honey.

I noted that her eyes were tinged with red and her lips were turned up into a little smile, a look I hadn't seen for a few days. Which could only mean one thing, really.

My Bella was high in English class, once again.

"So," I sighed, cocky and giddy that today Bella was more like the Bella that I knew. "You're saying that I am interesting, eh?"

"You were in that moment, Shaggy. So I captured it." She was quiet a moment. "What did you see when you looked at the pictures, Shaggy?"

"Well, other that the heartbreakingly gorgeous man that you featured in one of your pictures," I smiled, "I saw your take on social class here at Forks. A very astute view, I may add. Your art is very well executed, Bella. It seems that you have quite an eye." I sat back in my chair. "Of course, you did happen to capture the image of one very awesome guy, so...your brownie points go up for that reason also."

I flashed a carefree smile and hoped that she understood that I was kidding about all of the comments about my attractiveness, regardless of how much my ego needed to be stroked right now.

"Easy enough to see the social groups, Shaggy. Did you look at the peeps in the pictures?"

_What is she talking about? _"Ummm...not sure I follow you." _I felt like a damn idiot admitting to Bella that I didn't know something when she so clearly had a complete grasp on everything._

"Take the captured moment of you. Shaggy, Jockus Popularis, the dude that every other testosterone driven toad wants to be and the dude that most girly-pops would give their left ovary to fuck. Everyone sees that. They think that is what you are. But in that moment, Shaggy, your something else emerged. Your something pensive, broody, natural, real. In that moment the asshat disappeared. You get it? Look at Pixie Addams. Social outcast in the Popularis Social Caste. But in that moment she was beauty personified. Exquisite." She popped a gummy worm in her mouth.

"Right. I mean, I get it. I just..." _I'm not normally real? And she thinks that I'm an asshat._ "I guess I should take a look at the pictures again."

"Maybe you should, Shaggy. Maybe you should take a look at a lot of things again."

I blanched at her obvious insult. My poor ego that was once doing back flips was now on the ground, struggling for the air that he needed to survive. "Please forgive me, Bella, but I am not sure that I know what you are talking about. What, pray tell, do I need to look at again?"

"Do you ever really look at your life? Examine all the itty-bitty pieces, all the drain wookies, or the unexpected toy at the bottom of the box of Lucky Charms." She shrugged and looked forward.

_Only every fucking day since you fucking moved here. _"Yes, Bella. Believe it or not, I have done that." _Like, when Jasper got tortured...I took a good, hard, long look at things. But why would you know that? You barely ever want to talk to me anymore._

"Do you really, Shaggy? Cause it's awful hard to look at those pieces and then sit on 'em. Like gettin' all the cheesy poofs and hiding them under the porch. Does no one any good at all. Don't you wanna be free? Don't you wanna let go? Don't you wanna be that person in the picture?"

I felt my hands clench into fists. _What does she even know? She speaks about all of this so casually, as though I can decide these things as easily as I choose what clothes to wear in the morning. _"It's not that easy, Bella. And you aren't a naive little prat, so I know that you understand this."

"It is that easy, Shaggy. You just make it hard."

I fought the urge to tell her to _fuck off. _"How is it so easy, Bella? You don't know _anything_ about me. You do to me what you claim to be better than; you stereotype me."

"Nah, Shaggy. I know your type, seen you across North America in one form or another." She doodled on a Thai takeout menu. "You said you were sorry. What is it you were sorry 'bout?"

"Bella, you know my _type,_ but you don't know _me. _I could be an anomaly of the Jockus Popularis for all that you know," I sighed. "And I said that I was sorry... because I _was_ sorry. For all the things that my friends have done to you and your friends."

"I know you better than you think, Shags. If you're sorry for what they did, for the people they are and what they do, why are they your friends?"

I straightened up in my seat and rolled my shoulders, hoping to relieve some of the tension that was radiating across my back. "Like I said, Bella. _ You don't know anything about me_. You don't know anything about my life. I know who your best friend is. I know who you live with. Do you know either of those trivial facts about me? I know that you say that things are easy to change, but my roots go down farther than you can imagine, babe."

_My roots, of course, being Emmett and Esme. I could never abandon Emmett. Ever. Leaving my group of friends is not an option of mine right now because he is still a large part of "the jocks" at FHS. And what if I left my friends after this year and the change ends up tarnishing Esme's perfect view of me? I could never quit baseball or football...she adores those sports. And if I left my friends, I would be leaving my teammates too. Our team camaraderie would go down the crap shoot, and I most likely wouldn't be the shoo-in for team captain anymore. And I think that idea would break Esme's heart._

But I can't tell any of this to Bella; to the girl who judges but doesn't like to be judged._ I mean, what could I say? "Gee, Bella. I basically hate everyone in the world except my mom and my brother...and I don't want to do anything to make either of them disappointed in me"? Or how about, "well, you know...if I ditched my life, which is the world that my brother lives in and has built up for me, there is a large possibility that I could lose my best friend. My only friend"?_

_Oh yeah. Sounds like a good idea, Edward. Throw away the only two people that you truly care about (and truly care for you in return) for one person who may or may not even like you._

"Well, Shaggy, I know your brother is Emmett, your pops is Doc Cullen and your mom writes books."

I struggled to keep the shocked look off my face, because I was surprised that Bella knew that about me. But hell, she had been to my house before...she had to know _something_ about me. "Well," I said snidely, "that's anything that you could ask anyone. My family isn't exactly what you would call private."

"Could say the same about mine. My dad is the Fuzz."

I fought the urge to roll my eyes. "Regardless. I could name to you people that you are actually _close_ to. I know that you could name people that you _thought _I was close to, but you would be wrong. And the whole thing would just play into your little stereotype of me. I like you, Bella, I really, _really_ do. But I just...I can't explain to you how different I thought you were."

"Shaggy, you aren't close to anyone here," she laughed. "I've seen how you look at them."

"That, baby, is where you are wrong," I said cockily. _Ms. Know-It-All clearly doesn't see that I am tight with my brother._

_Wait a minute...did I just come off sounding like a petulant child? Probably. Most likely. Hey, 'cool factor', call me when we can meet again, okay?_

"So you say. So you say. But what's the point, Shaggy? Just a game of emotardness."

My fists clenched together even harder. "Emotardness? What the fuck, Bella? Are you seriously trying to piss me off to my fucking boiling point? Cause if you are, you are doing a really fucking great job at it." _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! _

"Why so testy today? Either the PMS fairy is bitchin' on you or something I said is hittin' too true. Don't be mad at me, Shags."

"No, Bella, it's nothing like that at all. I mean, it's so much fun to have words like 'asshat' and 'emotardness' thrown at you. I'm sorry if I come off like I am PMS-ing. Cause you know, that's _totally_ possible; being that I am a male," I replied in what I could only assume as a sarcastic tone.

"Hey, dudes PMS too," she said grinning.

"Ummm hmmm." _Only weirdos like your little bf Jasper would be susceptible to male PMS. Fucker. _I turned away from Bella and focused on the front of the room instead of the gorgeous brunette sitting right next to me. She had really pissed me off, and I didn't know if I could continue on the path the conversation had been going without punching my desk or someone near me. I needed a moment to cool down again.

"Just look at the pictures again, Shaggy," she whispered and then concentrated on her drawing.

I took a deep breath and counted to three, hoping to calm myself down to the point of being able to talk to Bella once more. It worked...but only marginally.

"Look at your pictures again, huh? Well, _goddess of photography_, I was planning on doing that later on anyways. Did you, being the genius you are, want to take a look at them with me? So I can see what it is that you see, get your creative vision and all that?" I was partially being sarcastic, partially serious. Because no matter how much she was pissing me off, I would love to look at the art with the artist. _Especially since the artist was the intriguing Bella._

"I'll go with you. After school? Or do you wanna do it some other time. Don't wanna ruin your social rep having you seen with me."

"My rep? You are fucking hilarious, Bella. How about...now? Class hasn't started yet, and if we hurry, we can still ditch."

"A'ight!" she said, shoving her menu into her messenger bag. "Wanna make a stop outside first?"

I quickly gathered up my books and sent a quick glance to the front of the room to make sure that no one was watching me. _Although I would never admit that action to Bella. Honestly I wanted to make sure that I could make my get-away unnoticed. _ "Go outside first, huh?" I ran my free hand through my hair. "What for?"

"Are you gunna come or not?" she said, half way out of the class.

"Of course," I said, cocking my eyebrow. "Since you are clearly on a mission, why don't you lead the way?"

Bella nodded, and motioned for me to follow her. I made sure to lag back a little but so I could check out her pert ass. _The broad may be overly sassy and may know how to get my fucking blood boiling in two point two seconds, but _damn_. Her _ass_ets were perfection. _

She led us through the school's east side door, through a small grouping of trees, and into a tiny clearing where a few large sized rocks were scattered about the ground. Thankfully, it was not raining, and the fact that it was spring only made the air temperature slightly chilly. Bella flopped down on one of the rocks, reached into her messenger bag and pulled out a sparkly case that looked like it might hold business cards. She opened it and took out a perfectly rolled joint and a small lighter. She gently held the joint with her lips and lit the end.

"Mmmmmm," she moaned, closing her eyes as she inhaled. She held out the joint to me, "You want some?"

_Tempting, really tempting. On one hand, if I take it, I really shouldn't work out after school today with Mike and Tyler. But if I don't, I would be like a little fucking _emotard_, and I am not in the mood to look like any more of a retard in front of Bella._

"Sure," I stated casually, reaching out and grabbing the joint in front of me.

Now I am not a regular stoner by any means, so I am sure that I looked like an ass taking a big drag of the marijuana cigarette that I had in my hands.

Of course, like the partial-pot virgin that I am, I coughed immediately. Bella smiled at me and reached for the joint which I handed back. She took a few more drags.

"Want more? Or you out?"

"Nah, I'm good," I sighed, sitting on the rock next to Bella. "I had plans to work out after school."

"Me too, where working out means eating cheesy poofs that is. I love the orange group." She finished the joint and laid back on the rock, looking up at the tree canopy.

"Orange food group? Bella, you are one of a kind." I smiled, feeling overly content. _Thank you, Mary Jane. I went from being beyond ticked off by this girl to in lust with her once again. Oh, how lovely pot is._

"One of my favorites really. That and the gummy group."

"The gummy group? Is that why you eat so many gummy worms?" I laughed at her food group definition. _Only Bella._

"Gummy worms, gummy bears, sour keys...."

"Bella, how in the world did you come up with those food groups?" I leaned back on the rock that I was sitting on and crossed my legs.

"I was a picky eater when I was a kid so my," Bella stopped speaking, something making her uncomfortable."Uhm, anyway, Jazz helped me figure out what I liked to eat. So the food groups were born. You want to go in and look at the art, or sit here some more?"

I re-crossed my legs. "It's up to you, Bella. Did _you_ want to go back inside?"

"Kinda like being outside." She reached up as though she were trying to touch the tops of the trees. "Mother Nature is a cool bitch, yo. Ever done much camping? Jazz and I camped out in the desert for a while. The stars were wicked cool and so bright."

"Babe, the Cullen's idea of camping is taking a million-dollar RV and parking it in a manicured RV park. Nothing like your experience."

"Guess we grew up in two different worlds, Shaggy. We did everything down and dirty. It was fun."

I looked at the trees that Bella had focused her gaze on. They were the kind of trees that would have been cut back and shaped at Casa Cullen, not left to grow into the perfect shape that they were naturally. "You know, sometimes I wish that things had been different for me. I imagine that camping your way would be fun. A shit ton more fun than our prissy fucking version."

"Do you like your life, Shaggy? Would you change anything?"

"I...I don't even know. That question is...a loaded one." Bella blew my mind with the most basic of questions, and right now I felt raw...exposed. Out in the open, for all to see. _Out in the open, and I felt more exposed now than I did when I realized that there was a picture of me in the art show, displayed in front of the entire school.  
_  
I felt more exposed now than I did during pep rallies when skanky cheerleaders rub their spanky clothed asses on my jean clad leg, effectively drawing all of the attention of the auditorium onto us. More exposed now than when I have a hand in scoring the winning touchdown and the attention of the entire stadium is on me. And only me.

And here I am. I felt more exposed sitting in front of a woman - a peer - a fellow high-schooler, than all of the other circumstances combined.

"You gotta have some sort of thoughts on that..."

I let out a short laugh. "Yeah, I do. But there is no way you would have enough time for that. I mean, where would I even start?"

"Start in the middle. Too much pressure to start at the beginning and starting at the end requires too much context. The middle is best."

"The middle?" I ran a hand through my hair again. "Okay. Um...you know my brother's girlfriend, Rosalie? I fucking hate that bitch, regardless of how much I act like I like her. And it kills me that not only does she play a huge part in my life because of her relationship with my brother, but also that she may one day share the same last name as me."

"What is it about her you hate?"

"Really, Bella? Are we talking about the same girl?" I asked incredulously.

"D'ya ever think that maybe you just don't get her? Maybe she is missin' something, or scared, or somethin'?"

_The idea was laughable. I mean, Rosalie? Missing something? She is the most spoilt bitch I have ever met in my entire life._

"What would she be missing? She has everything that money can buy. _Plus more_. And if you say that she has a 'daddy complex', then I am going to punch something, 'cause her dad is a good man. Surprisingly enough, I might add."

"I dunno, dude. I don't know her. People are always missin' something, and sometimes that missin' makes them act like fucktards."

"Okay, your theory is an interesting one, I'll give you that. But if that is true, then what am _I_ missing, dear Bella?"

"I dunno, Shaggy, you tell me."

"Bella, if I knew, I am sure we wouldn't even be having this conversation, because my life wouldn't be the complete and total clusterfuck that it is right now. So again...loaded question. And would you even want to know? Once you learn about me, there is no going back." _Way to sound like a cliché, ass wipe._

"Well, Shags, like I said before - maybe you got some things to look at in your life. And why wouldn't I want to know? I like peeps, like hearing their story, what makes 'em tick."

_You hear that? There is nothing special about you, you giant pussy. She is just interested in you because you are a "peep", not because she wanted to know more about you. Way to almost spill your pathetic guts to this girl. Man up, goddamnit. _

"I like hearing people's stories too, Bella. So, what's yours? What makes _you_ tick?" My inner five-year-old was giving himself a high five for deflecting the topic. _'Cause I was getting really sick and tired of being told that I was fucked up in the head. I mean, really? As if I didn't know that on my own. Thanks, B._

"Clocks make me tick, Shaggy!" she giggled insanely. "What is it you wanna know?"

_Everything. _"Is there anything besides clocks that 'makes you tick'?" I shifted my body closer to hers and leaned in a bit.

"Capturing moments makes me tick. Makes me feel like God, constructing my own universe." She shifted her position, putting her head in my lap.

_Head in lap... so close... just turn to face me... don't worry, the zipper will come down with ease, I just know it will..._

Regardless of the pervy thoughts running through my head, I resisted the urge to sigh like a pansy in contentment with Bella's positioning on my body. Instead, I wove my hands through her hair and started playing.

_How great would it be if I were weaving my hands through this hair as I was receiving a fucking hot blow job? Uh, did I mention earlier that I have been incredibly horny lately? I don't think that horny even begins to cover it; just call me "Captain BlueBalls"._

I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to dispel the images that were flooding my mind before Bella and I had a big problem on our hands. And by big problem, I mean erection.

_Enough about your impending boner, Cullen. Back to the topic at hand._

"I actually appreciate the power that you feel when you are developing your art. I...kind of feel that way when I am playing sports and set up a scoring play. Of course, it isn't the same, but...you get what I mean."

"I do get it, Shags."

"Good. That's one thing that we are on the same page with," I joked, running my hands through her hair.

"I like creating my own universe. Makes it easier sometimes," she said, closing her eyes and leaning into my hands like some kind of sated cat.

"Easier... how? Why?"

"Cause you can make it into whatever you want. No one can tell you how to construct your own universe, Shaggy."

I pursed my lips. "I highly doubt that anyone tells you how to construct your universe, Bella."

"They tried in the past, but you gotta be your own person."

"_Who_ tried in the past?"

"The normal douchebags: teachers, friends, media."

I cupped the side of her cheek that wasn't laying on my lap. "What did they try to change?"

"My spirit," she said softly, "but not anymore. Now I do my own thing and it makes me happy. Gotta live life by your own rules, Shaggy, despite what others might think."

"Why would anyone try to change your spirit? That just... doesn't make any sense." _It's one of the things that I adore about you, _I wanted to say. But I caught my tongue, like the good little masculine poser that I was.

"Are you really askin' me that question, Shags?" She arched a brow.

"Yeah... why wouldn't I?"

"Are you really the person you make out to be? Do you let peeps influence how you act? Dress?"

I rolled my eyes. "This was a question about you, Bella. Not me. You already know that I am fucked up, so..."

"You aren't fucked up, Shags, just... conflicted." She reached up and touched my cheek, running her fingers along my jaw line.

"Okay, so that's noted. But you still didn't answer my original question," I sighed, grabbing her hand with mine.

"Oh right. Yeah. People try to change your spirit all the time. You gotta stand up to the man. Be free. Love yourself."

"Not what I asked, silly girl. I asked why someone would want to change _your_ spirit. Stop trying to change the subject back to me, Bella."

"I dunno. Guess they didn't like what they saw. Beats me, Shaggy."

"That... doesn't even make sense. Seriously. The best thing about you is the fact that you are different. You..." _Hold your tongue, you little bitch. NO MORE. You are not allowed to utter another peep._

"I what, Shags?"

"I..." _adore you. _"I..." _wouldn't change a thing about you. Except for your creepy friendship with Jasper. _"I... don't know how to word it." _Because I am a pansy. And a bitch. A little blueballed pansy bitch, if you will._

"Try," she said, looking into my eyes.

_Those eyes. My _God _those eyes! They are so deep, so warm, so inviting..._

"You are so different, Bella. You make me want to get to know you more. You make me comfortable, you make me want so much more than..." I trailed off as Bella smiled and leaned into me more. 

_She probably smiled because she thinks that it is funny that she has gotten me feeling like this. It's probably just a game to her. And here is where you hit yourself for falling into her trap; cause she doesn't give a shit about you, and you _know_ that. And here you all but profess your stupid little crush on her. You are a Goddamn retard, Cullen._

"More than what?"

_Just say it. The damage is basically already done. Fucker. _"You make me want so much more than what I have, B. In more ways than one."

"Explain it to me Shaggy."

"Why? So you can laugh at me and joke about how you got a jock to express his feelings towards you? What good would that do?"

"Why would I laugh at you? I know you're a thinker; I already captured the moment to prove it."

_Do I really have to spell it out? Cause if your pot-induced brain had been paying attention, you would have put two and two together. For Christ's sakes, I just told you that I have feelings for you! Goddamn it._

I took a deep breath and let it out. "You would laugh at me because the whole thing is stupid. _I _am stupid, because I want something that I can't have."

"Your not stupid, Shags," she whispered, looking back up at the trees. Then she licked her lips."We all want."

"Really?" I asked, resisting the urge to touch her newly moistened lips with my own. _Cause that would be beyond stupid, Cullen._ "What is it that you want?"

"All sorts of things. Some of them I'll get, others, I leave up to the universe. Hey, weren't you supposed to go work out with some of your friends?"

I quickly maneuvered my cell out of my pants pocket and checked the time. "Yeah, I guess it is time to go, isn't it. Never got to look at the pics, huh? Looks like I will have to re-schedule; I would love to talk with the artist one on one again."

"You got my digits, Shag. Gimme a call sometime." She sat up, my lap instantly feeling cold without her there. "I'll wait here some."

_Why would she wait here? Is she ashamed of me or something? _"Are you sure you wanna wait here? You can walk back with me, you know. You have been alone with me for an entire class period and I haven't bitten you once." _Not for lack of wanting, though. I would love to sink my teeth into her...  
_  
"It's not that," she said grinning, "I just don't want us being seein' together to cause you trouble, or me trouble. You saw what they did to my Jazz."

"I'd _never_ let them do anything to you, Bella. And if I had been coherent the night of the party, I would have never let anything happen to Jasper, either. I don't care who my friends think they are...that shit doesn't fly with me."

"That's gum drops and jelly beans, Shaggy, but I think I'll follow a different path back. Have fun working out. I'll remember you when I'm power packin' cheesy poofs."

I smiled and cast Bella a last glance before I headed down the trail back to school. Giving her one last wave, I headed in to work out with Tyler and Mike. 'Cause it's not like I had anything more interesting to do with my time.

_Like the beautiful brunette I was currently walking away from. Damnit, I seriously hate my life.  
_  
XXX

The rest of the week had flown by quickly, much to my happiness. As much as I hated the idea of Emmett graduating and leaving home, I was really looking forward to baseball and football seasons. _'Cause then I would have something to think about in my free time besides Ms. Swan._

I hadn't ventured into the student commons to look at Bella's art on display since I had seen it that first day. But I had definitely heard about it every day until the weekend, because all of the popular kids had found the entire display incredibly hilarious. According to Rosalie, my picture made me look like I was contemplating a bowel movement, and the rest of the pictures in the series were utterly ridiculous.

_Good thing Rosalie knows so much about art; idiot wouldn't know art even if it hit her in the face. And say what you may, Rose, but I didn't look like I was contemplating a bowel movement in the photograph Bella took of me. If that's what I looked like when I was thinking about something like that... damn. I am _gorgeous, _and there isn't anything that can taint my beauty_.

_Rosalie was such a fucker. _

Now it was Saturday, and I was relaxing in my room, listening to some music. I had nothing planned for today or tonight; relaxing was the first and last thing on my priority list.

"Edward!" Esme called, rounding the corner to my bedroom. She stopped short when she saw me sprawled across my bed with my iPod in my hand. "Can you hear me, baby?"

I pulled the ear buds of my newly acquired, top of the line, iPod out and carefully set the electronic on the bed. "Yes, Esme. It wasn't even on."

"Okay," she sighed, running the hands down the front of her skirt, straightening out her clothing. "I was just wondering. Did you want to accompany myself and your father to an art gallery opening this evening? I know that you have been more interested in the arts lately, and I thought that it would be a perfect opportunity for a family outing since we were invited to attend."

It was true, I _had_ been more interested in the arts lately. I had submersed myself in the library here at Casa de Cullen every free moment that I had, looking up every piece of art that I possibly could. Esme, being a patron of art herself, had a few conversations with me about art. I thoroughly enjoyed hearing her take on certain pieces and it seemed that she enjoyed that one of her children had taken an interest in the fine arts. So it made perfect sense that Esme would suggest that I attend an art gallery opening with her.

But the idea of me driving anywhere with my father was ludicrous, and by the slightly sheepish look on my mother's face, I could tell that she knew it. "Mom, where is this art opening?"

Esme looked at the ground by her feet. "Ummm... actually, it's in Seattle."

I laughed at her, shaking my head. "Have you been drinking already? Do you honestly think that I would sit in a car with my father for that long just to attend an art show?"

Esme smiled a weak smile. "Regardless of the fact that I drank a few mimosas this morning; yes, I would expect you to want to go to an art show. With your father or not, Edward. You have been looking at pictures in books and copies of art around the house, but baby, nothing beats seeing art in the flesh. It's the most exciting to view art in the gallery setting; especially during an opening. I really think you should come with, honey."

"I don't know, Mom..."

"Edward," Esme stated, cutting me off. "We are leaving at five. I will give you until then to decide. But please understand that you can bring that contraption with you on the ride if you want," she waved towards my iPod, "and I will make sure that you will be able to have a cocktail or two at the opening along with your father and me."

_When she puts it like that, why would I not go? It's not like I have anything else going on tonight. Besides, the excuse to ignore the shit out of Carlisle is incentive enough._

Esme turned to leave, but I reached my hand out to stop her. "Fine, mom. I will join you on your trip to Seattle."

She smirked the crooked grin that I clearly inherited from her. "Twisted your arm, I see."

_Nope. Just trying to expand my horizons, thanks to a beautiful brunette that hasn't been in my life for even half a year yet. _"Something like that," I said, running my hand through my hair.

"Alright, baby. Be dressed in your finest and ready to go by five, okay? I'm thinking we want to be there before nine."

"Sure thing, Es," I called as she exited my room.

XXX

The drive to Seattle was painless, thanks in part to my iPod. And the bottle of wine that I shared with Esme before we left may have had something to do with my calm demeanor, also.

Carlisle pulled into a parking spot and I congratulated myself on an entire trip of not saying a damn thing to my father.  
_  
Immature? You betcha. But I don't give a shit._

Carlisle walked around the car and looped his arm into Esme's, and Esme immediately turned and looped her arm into mine. _For real, Esme? No thank you, don't want to walk into anywhere looking like a creepy cult family. Count me out. _I leaned in and kissed Esme's cheek and using that as a momentary distraction, I pulled my arm out from hers. Esme lazily patted my cheek, and I fell into step behind them as we approached the private gallery. I let my parents enter before me while I took a quick glance around the room.

The room was a spacious one, separated into three separate viewing spaces by movable partitions. Esme hadn't told me what kind of art was going to be on display, so when I came to the first artist's area, I was pleasantly surprised when I saw that the artist had used mixed media in a handful of his works displayed. As I leaned in to study the work closer, Esme appeared to my right. She handed me a glass with a red liquid that I could only assume was wine and I gladly took it.

_Yep. Edward the pansy is drinking red wine with his mother. Oh, how cuuute._

I nodded in appreciation and was taken by surprise when Esme grabbed my elbow. "Edward, I have cased the area," she whispered with a smile, "and the best work is in the far corner. Come, look at it with me. I would love for you to see some photography done with an artistically graphic twist. We can return to this other artwork later."

I smiled at my mother's exuberance, but gulped when her choice of words sunk in. _Graphic? What does she mean, graphic?_

Walking slightly behind Esme, she led me to the far back corner of the studio. Taking in the artwork that was displayed around me, I felt myself drawn to it. Leaning in closer, I couldn't help but contemplate the photo that was displayed on the wall directly in front of me.

"Beautiful, isn't it?" Esme questioned, squeezing my arm with her hand. "I just adore the work displayed back here."

I nodded in agreement and took a sip of my wine and focused on the picture in front of me. The picture was of a nude female who was artfully posed in the space available, which happened to be a log cabin. The whole picture actually had a "Western" type feel to it, if I were to label the atmosphere with something. The fact that the woman appeared to be in her 60's did not bother me at all. _Huh. Never thought I would be enjoying a piece of art with a nude 60-year-old woman as the star of the work._

Being that I was still wet behind the ears when it came to art, this was the first nude photo of a woman that I had viewed that wasn't a pornographic picture. It felt kind of weird knowing that I was viewing this photo with my mother; in fact just the thought of her being over my shoulder almost made my skin crawl.

"The woman is beautiful, isn't she? So comfortable in her own skin," Esme commented, leaning in and looking at the photo even closer. A smile crept up on her face. "I hope that I look as good as she does when I am her age. I wonder what she was thinking?"

"Mom, please. I...can we please never have this conversation?" I begged, feeling a blush creep up my cheeks.

"My little Edward is a _prude?_ I never would have thought!" she exclaimed, poking me in the sides.

"Esme, please. I am clearly not a prude; just uncomfortable with talking about certain subjects with my mother." I moved to the next picture and started to study it before Esme came over and co-ed in my ear.

"Edward, isn't this baby simply darling? And the way it was captured? Simply perfect."

Esme was right. The second picture in the series was of a baby who was looking at himself in the mirror. I am not normally one to find pictures of babies something pleasant to look at, because most babies looked too much alike, but this baby was... different. He looking at himself in a way that hinted that he was almost studying his reflection. Not an image easily captured, I am sure.

My possibly drunk mother moved to the next photo. "Now, I wouldn't mind getting me a piece of that," she chuckled as she glanced around her shoulder to make sure that my father was nowhere near where we were standing. She was in the clear, because I couldn't see his form anywhere near us.

The photo that she was looking at, quite intently I may add, was of a man who was standing in a door way with his arms on the frame. From what I could see, the man seemed to be an attractive man by many woman's standards (my intoxicated mother included), and he seemed to radiate this weird-ass, almost magical glow. It was the most bizarre thing, actually.

The man was clearly naked, and his entire upper body and most of his lower body was pictured.

_Thank God no cock was shown. I _really _don't need to see a penis and have my mother fawn over how wonderful it is. That is just wrong on so many levels._

Esme leaned in and studied the picture. "Too bad this was hidden," she said, waving her arm around where his penis would have been. "I am sure it would have made this photo that much better."

I finished the wine that was in my glass and turned to my mom. "Not gonna even touch that subject, Esme. I am going to find more wine, okay? When I come back, please don't be gawking over this picture, okay?"

"I'll try to be doing something different. But I can't make any promises... 'cause this photo... is so...intimate. I wonder who the photographer is...clearly they are intimate with this man. This photo just screams 'lovers'!"

"Uh... yeah. I'll be right back," I said uncomfortably and shook my head as I walked away. _Really, Mom? You were really talking about that shit with me?_

I hurriedly found a waiter and placed my empty glass of wine on his tray as I grabbed a new one. I took a large sip of the wine and welcomed the warm burn that the liquid provided as it slid down my throat.

_Maybe this will make Esme's perverted ranting a little bit more bearable. But I mean, what did I expect? I went to an art gallery where one of the artists on display featured nude portraits with my mother. My mother, the lush, who comments on every nude form._

I slowly made my way back to where Esme was and noticed that she had not left the spot where she had been standing before. _She was seriously still looking at that photo?_

As I approached the photo once more, I studied the man who was pictured a bit more. It was then that I noticed that the man had dreadlocks.

_Dreads? That's kind of weird, isn't it? Not a very common hair style in the rainy state of Washington, and yet it seems like it's been popular as of lately. But only with Jasper. And...the guy in the photo has blonde hair too..._

_Wait._

The guy in the partially erotic photograph, the one that Esme was mooning over, was none other than Jasper Whitlock.

_What the fuck? How in the hell did I not notice that before? Maybe the fact that my mother was getting all hot and heavy over the photograph made it really hard for me to study the subject of the photograph. But what the fuck. Is Jasper screwing every artist in the area? Esme made mention of the intimacy that the photograph portrayed, and I couldn't help but agree._

I angrily shook my head and made a fucking mad dash to get away from the nude picture of the _cocksucker _because I couldn't stand to be around it anymore.

Turning to my left, I stopped when I noticed the picture that was in front of me. The photograph that I was looking at was the most heartbreakingly beautiful photograph I had ever laid eyes on in my entire life.

The woman was nude, as the others were. This time, her privates and one of her breasts were obscured by a silk bed sheet that was elegantly wrapped around her body.

Lying on her back, the woman's face was turned to the side as though she were looking at someone lying beside her, one hand relaxing by her cheek, the other one wrapped around her midsection, seeming to play with the skin found there. Her torso was flat on the ground, but her legs were curled up and her ankles were crossed. Her hair spread like a fan over the grass around her.

I wanted to cry, leap for joy, and come in my pants all at once. Because the woman in the photograph was the one that I had been secretly lusting over since her addition to Forks High. _ Ms. Isabella Swan._

I think that my jaw hit the ground. I didn't know how to handle myself at that moment.

More than anything, I was counting my lucky stars that I hadn't tried to mount the photograph, nor had I whipped my dick out and started stroking it in front of the entire gallery.

_My God, this woman is inhumanely beautiful. I have never seen anything like her before in my entire life._

I could feel my pants starting to tighten and I knew that I had to look away from the photo before I made an absolute fool of myself in front of some of Seattle's finest, but I couldn't find it in me to look away. It was almost painful to even _think_ of letting my eyes leave the work of art displayed in front of me.

I felt someone tap on my shoulder but couldn't get my eyes to leave the portrait.

"She is quite beautiful, isn't she?"

I blushed when I realized that it was my mother who was standing next to me, gazing at Bella's picture.

"Ummm," I replied, unable to answer. _Understatement, Esme. Extreme understatement._

"This is the most beautiful picture of the series, isn't it?"

"Ummm." _Please don't let my mountain of a dick explode right now while I was talking to my mother. That would be all sorts of wrong on one hundred different levels of wrong._

"Edward, baby, are you okay?" my mother questioned, grabbing my arm and turning me so I broke my gaze with Bella's photograph.

_No, Esme, I am not okay. Words cannot even describe what that picture did to me just now. I just...I have to have the picture. I have to own it...now._

Now that I wasn't looking at the picture, I was able to start thinking a little. But just a little.

I composed myself as best as I could and cleared my throat so my voice didn't come out in a squeak. "I am fine, Esme. Just enjoying the art." _And trying to control myself so I don't start humping an inanimate object._

Esme narrowed her eyes at me and patted my arm once more. "Okay, honey. You keep... looking... at this photograph, and I will be right back, okay?"

"Okay..." I trailed off, turning back to the picture. I didn't even have time to contemplate what Esme was implying by telling me to 'keep... looking...' at the picture because I was mesmerized by Bella once again.

_Dear God, why? Why did you put such a perfect creature on this earth, one that I could not have? To torture me? Really, God? Is that it? Cause it's working. I can't even move from the place that I am standing right now because I am so taken by the woman pictured in front of me. There could be a fucking _fire_ and I would gladly let it consume me, as long as my last sight in this world was the photograph displayed in front of me now._

"What the fuck you doin' here, Shaggy?" She sounded somewhat embarrassed.

I felt my palms instantly start to sweat. _Holy shit... Bella was standing right next to me_.

Bella was wearing a dress that went to about mid thigh and knee high docs and striped tights that seriously caused me to start shaking.

The fact that she wasn't wearing a bra as per usual made me almost fall to the ground.

_Compose yourself, asshole. Pull it together, she asked you a question. Answer her!_

"Esme was invited to the opening and asked me to join her." _And the Academy Award goes to Edward Cullen for his performance in "Lying in Front of Ms. Swan at the Art Gallery"._

_'Cause if I had said what was really on my mind at that moment it would have been something like, "um erm uhhhhh", which would not have gone over well with Bella, I am sure._

"Doesn't seem like your sort of thing," she said eyeing me suspiciously.

"Well, it is," I said, sticking my hands in my pockets and pinching myself to get my thoughts away from the art and into the present situation that I was in. And then a thought dawned on me. "Wait... are you implying that I am lying to you?"

"No, just didn't think you were the gallery type."

"Well... I didn't think that you were the displayed partially naked in a gallery type."

"Yeah, well. You wouldn't say anything to peeps at school?"

Her question caught me completely off guard. "What? What do you mean, Bella? You are ashamed that you posed for a picture that was hung up in a gallery in Seattle?"

"Posed? Shags, I took all these pictures. I just don't want it to be a big thing, right."

"Wait... _What_?!?" I exclaimed, feeling all the air in my lungs get let out in a _whoosh. _"Bella... these... are _your_ pictures?"

_Why hadn't I thought about that before? I mean, I know that she is _incredibly _talented... Oh, that's right. Cause Bella is a high school _kid_, and kids don't usually get their own gallery space._

"Um, yeah. I brought my portfolio into school for Ms. Jane to look at and she thought my shit was dope, asked to show it to a homie. And then voila! My shit is here."

"Bella, these pictures are phenomenal. Just amazing on so many levels, I..." _I want to marry you and make you my sugar momma because you will surely be a rich and famous artist someday._

"They are alright, I guess. Show promise. That's what Ms. Jane said." She was silent a moment. "Kinda embarrassing that everyone is looking at my captured moments."

"Bella, you are incredibly talented. Both my mother and I adore your work. We had different favorites, of course, but..." I let my sentence trail off as I looked around for my mother. I could not see her in the gallery from where I was standing. _She must have gone to find Carlisle._

"What piece did your mom like?"

_The one with your cocksucker of a best friend who may or may not be your lover. _"Actually, the one with Jasper in it."

"Really? I like that one too. Liked how the sun was shinin' that day."

"Yeah, um, it was nice, I guess," I said distractedly, not willing to comment either way on the wretched photo. I decided that this was as good of a time as any to ask about this, so I decided to man up and actually ask the question that has been plaguing me since my first conversation with Ms. Swan. "Bella, it's not necessarily normal to have a picture of your best friend naked. What...are you and Jasper?"

"Huh?!" She seemed confused by the question. "We're friends. Best friends. Peas in a pod."

"Seriously, Bella? You don't know what I am getting at here?"

"Not really, Shags. You never seen any of your friends in the buff?"

"Not unless I am in the locker room and have no choice but to see my teammates naked. Or, you know, I am getting ready to/am in the process of fucking a female friend, and even then you can use the term 'friend' loosely. Other than that? No, Bella, I don't see my friends naked all that often. So unless you and Jasper share a community shower or see each other before or during fucking... I can't see the excuse for nudity." _Holy fuck, did I seriously just come out and say that? I mean, it may have been a little rough reminding her that I am a manwhore, but I had to get the point across._

_Did you hear all of that, balls? You can crawl out from your cavern in my stomach. I would really love for you to descend again.  
_  
"We've lived together a long time, Shags. We sleep in the same bed. We've seen each other naked. Not really a big deal."

_They sleep in the same bed?? _I mentally groaned. _Of course they do, Edward. What did you expect? They are clearly intimate with each other. That doesn't mean that they _sleep together_ though, does it? _I could feel the blood in my veins begin to boil the more I thought about Jasper and Bella actually having sex. _I mean, he is straight, isn't he? Of course he would tap that if he could._

"Bella," I calmly stated, " why exactly do you guys share a bed? Doesn't the Police Chief make enough money for you all to sleep in separate rooms?" I hoped the anger and uncertainty that I was feeling wasn't coming through in my voice. I mean, here I was, looking at a partially naked photo of my crush, sporting some wood in front of her, and accusing her of sleeping with her best friend. Not exactly my banner moment, regardless of the fact that I had found my long lost balls just a moment ago.

"We've shared a bed since we were kids. Growing up we didn't live in that grand shack you do. Sometimes there was only one bed. It's habit. Why are you making such a big deal of this, Shags?"

Ball number one dropped down, and I mentally clapped. "So, are you guys planning on sharing a bed with each other forever? _Out of habit?_"

"Well, I mean, guess not forever," she said frowning slightly. "I guess, eventually we'll find peeps to be with. I mean, who wouldn't want Jazz? He's a great guy."

I ground my teeth together. _It's always about Jasper, isn't it? _Ball number two dropped down, and I welcomed it with fervor. "You know what I think, Bella?" I asked, strengthened by the fact that I had my balls back. "I think that you like Jasper. No, not as a friend; because that much is clear. I think that you want him to be more than that."

There, I had aired my worst fear. Was I upset by it? Not really, because I had nothing to lose. Bella wasn't mine, and she clearly didn't want to be.

So what was I going to do when she confirmed my suspicions? I was going to forget about her. Forget about the effect that she had on me and my body and my mind and my...everything. It wasn't worth getting worked up for nothing, for someone who didn't even see me as more than the jock idiot that she thought I was.

_Well, this uncultured jock idiot is going to fuck someone, preferably tonight. This dry spell is clearly killing me and making my balls hate me._

"Listen, Shaggy, Jazz and I are friends, best friends. Friend soul mates. We love each other, but not the way you're thinking. Why does it always have to come down to that? Why can't peeps just be cool with each other?" She was silent. "You know, Shags, it really sounds like you're," she paused, "seeing the green-eyed dragon... jealous."

"Jealous?" I asked, fighting to keep my voice steady. "I don't do jealous, babe." _You totally do jealous, you fucking liar. Especially when it comes to Bella... you are always jealous, all of the time._

"Then why is this such an issue? Why do you seem so upset that I took a naked picture of Jazz?"

I tried to keep myself from blushing. "It just... the photograph isn't just a picture, Bella. It seems like it was an intimate moment captured between two lovers, and the viewer almost feels as though they are intruding by viewing it. What you captured on film is not something that happens between two friends, peas in a pod. It's something... more."

"If you are asking if Jazz and I bump uglies, the answer is no. We tried it once. It didn't work. We are just friends, best friends, great friends. I really don't like that you are trying to define my relationship with him. I don't tell you how to be with your friends."

"I am not trying to offend you, Bella. Just makin' some observations." _Jesus, that sounds familiar. Oh wait! That sounds like something that _Bella_ would say to _me_. Weird how that works out._

"You want me to start makin' some observations about you and Jess? I'm sure those photos would be telling."

"Again with the Jess thing?" I let out a huge sigh. "Jesus, Bella. I told you that I wanted those photos back, and I had a reason for that. I was fucking drunk and _out of my mind _upset that night, and Jessica was just a... method of release, I guess? I am not proud of that moment for many reasons; one of them being the fact that I didn't even _want_ Jessica. Is that the kind of observation that you would make? Or what is it that you wanted to say to me?" I turned my body so I was looking at her completely head on, the rest of the art gallery fading to the back ground. I had to resist the urge to... shake her? Hug her? I wasn't sure if I was more upset or frustrated at that moment in time.

"Why do we do this, Shaggy? Argue like this?" she said softly.

_Because I want you so badly but I can never have you and it vexes me like you couldn't imagine. _"I don't know, Bella."

"What was your favorite photo, Shags."

_As if she even had to ask. _"Ummm... it is just so hard to pick a favorite, Bella."

"If you had to?"

_Damnit. Well, since you technically only looked at the four pictures... you can't lie to her as to which one was your favorite. The baby? No, don't want Bella thinking that you are some kind of pedophile and enjoy looking at naked babies. The old woman? Cougars aren't my style, and I can't even pretend that they are. And obviously I wasn't a fan of the picture of Jasper, which left me with one other choice. _"The picture with you in it. Your self portrait was my favorite."

She turned to look at the picture.

"What do you like about it?"

"What _don't _I like about it?" It took me about a split second to realize that I didn't just think that thought, that I had said it out loud. _Fuck me._

_Alright, so she knows that you really like her photograph. It's not that big of a deal, is it?_

"It was warm that day. The grass tickled my skin."

_Okay, so obviously my verbal vomit wasn't a big deal at all. Or maybe she ignored my comment. Either way, I got off lucky. _"Huh. Where was this photograph taken?"

"A field in Quebec, just outside Montreal. The sun felt great. Clothes really suck at times." She seemed to contemplate her next words. "Is that why you like the picture, Shags? 'Cause I'm buck?"

"Ummm what? I flushed, unable to come up with a quick response. _I mean, obviously I liked that she was buck; but that wasn't the only reason why I liked the photo. _"I think that the picture as a whole is beautiful." _Suuure you do, pervert. The only parts that you find beautiful are the ones with Bella in it._

"But what makes it beautiful? The photo of the baby is beautiful because of the curiosity. What about this one appeals to you?"

_The fact that you are the main subject. _"You are seriously comparing your picture to that of the baby? Bella, the baby is cute. You are _gorgeous_."

Her head whipped around to look at me.

"What?"

_Did I stutter? _"I said you were gorgeous. Surely you know that?"

Bella looked at me with extreme confusion. It was as though the wheels in her head were trying to figure out why I had said such a thing to her.

And then, after a short moment passed, it was as though she understood what I was getting at the entire time that we had known each other and had been talking. The weeks we had been verbally bantering, the grinding at the party. _Maybe your shameless flirting wasn't done in vain. _Since her body seemed relaxed, I took this opportunity to step closer to her.

"You've... You feel... But... assflaps." Her words seemed to have failed her as she looked up into my eyes.

Tucking a piece of her hair behind her ear that was slightly obscuring her perfect lips, I leaned in to kiss her. _Just a little closer..._

I moved my hand up to pull her head closer to me and rubbed the pad of my thumb over her lips. My entire body was humming in anticipation of touching my lips to hers as I leaned in and captured her lips with my own in a quick, chaste kiss. Pulling back slowly, I looked at her lustfully before I inched closer. Our lips met again and I could hear the whimper in her throat as I brushed my tongue over her lower lip. I angled her head intent on kissing Bella Swan until one - or both - of us passed out from lack of oxygen.

"Edward?"

I released Bella from the embrace that I had her in and turned to face my mother. Wiping away all traces of unresolved lust and extreme disappointment, I let go of Bella's arm and turned her slightly to face Esme.

"Bella, this is my mother, Esme. Esme, this is Bella Swan."

Esme reached her hand out and grasped Bella's, holding her hand very gently. "Bella Swan, it is a pleasure to meet you."

"Esme, your mom. Oh! I should go. 'Cause Jazz," she said, dumbly indicating the naked photo of him behind her, "pickin' me up soon. Nice to meet you, Esme." Bella awkwardly pulled away and headed for Ms. Jane who was standing near a large sculpture.

I watched Bella as she walked away, leaving me feeling more morose about her departure than I ever thought I would.

_And all because of my mother, Esme; the cockblock. Who would have thought?_

As soon as Bella was out of our line of sight, Esme turned to me and smiled. "She seems like a very nice young lady, Edward. How do you know Ms. Swan?"

"School."

"Edward, I have a feeling that there is more to this story than you are leading on."

I shrugged. _There is. A lot more._

"Edward..." Esme began, "You really don't have to hide this from me, baby."

I shrugged again. "I am not sure I know what you are talking about." _I definitely know what you are talking about_.

"You aren't sure what I am talking about? Baby, that is bullshit, and you know it. Things have been different lately, and don't deny it, because it won't do you any good. I mean, I know you better than anyone, honey!" Esme took a deep breath. "Don't pretend that I didn't notice that you suddenly, without warning, had taken an interest in art. And I, being the supportive mother that I try to be, take you to an art gallery in efforts to nurture your budding interest. I leave you alone for a few minutes so I could purchase the series that had enamored both you and me, and I come back here to see you lip-locked with the artist? Edward, what the hell? She didn't seem like your type... aren't your types usually blonde and bigger bimbos?"

I stared at my mother with an open mouth. "What...? How...? Purchased...?" I had no idea how to answer her, so unfortunately for her, she would have to deal with my limited vocabulary. _Yeah, Bella definitely is different isn't she?_

"Edward, you are my baby. I am more attuned to you than I am anyone else, even your brother." She placed a hand on my back. "I can tell that you are not in the mood to discuss this right now. Just know that when you are ready to talk about this, I am here for you, okay?"

I wasn't in any shape to have a mushy one on one with my mother right inside of the same art gallery that I was just makin' the moves on a girl in, so I simply nodded my head.

I felt like such a rejected pussy at that moment. I had finally broken some ground with Bella, and my mother disrupted us before we are able to let our newly found "thing" develop to fruition. And the emotions that I was feeling because of the situation made me wonder if my balls really had returned, or if they had just dropped before they were going to detach from my body and run away forever.

Then there was the fact that my mother had purchased Bella's entire series of photographs on display. _Including the one of Bella, the one I couldn't keep my eyes off._

_I need to get home. I need to get home, now._

_

* * *

_**E/N: Leave us some love, please? Michelle's morning sickness begs it of you.**_  
_


	8. Summer Gypsies Making Some Dough

**A/N: Little Fish, Big Fish is a collab project between Paige Parkker (who writes Drugella) and Michelle M Marie (who writes Douchward).**

**BIG NEWS! LFBF was nominated and is in the first round of voting for the Indie Twific Awards! You guys, our lovely, lovely readers, should really go over to the site (theindietwificawards dot com) and vote us through to the next round when voting opens up (next week, I think). Paige and I would be eternally grateful :)**

**Once again, HUGE thanks to the ladies of PTB for making our hotmess into…not a hotmess. (Holy crap, this baby is really causin' my brain to mush!)**

**I know that it's been awhile, so here is a 32 page chapter for you guys to consume. Enjoy!**

**And as always, neither Paige nor I own Twilight or any of its characters. But Edward sure as fuck owns me! **

**Come and play on the Little Fish, Big Fish thread on Twilighted!  
**

**

* * *

****BPOV**  
The end of the semester came super quick, like your period while wearing white shorts. I didn't ignore Shags at school, but I didn't go out of my way to be in his back pocket either. Neither of us mentioned the gallery. All this awkward silence hovered. Honestly, though? Couldn't think around him. How could a kiss feel like Pop Rocks exploding under my skin? How could a soft brush of the lips turn me into a brain eatin' zombie without the brain eatin'? How could his tongue touching my lips cause my universe to explode? How could I have been so blind for so long? Every time I looked at him I remembered the tinglies he sent running along my skin. I got tripped up on the chaos of thoughts. I tried to talk to my Jazz about him, but Jazz was busy playing hide the pony with Pixie Addams. That girl had a set of lungs and she sure told you when that pony was hidden. I sure as shit couldn't talk to the Fuzz: _"Hey Pops, there's this boy, and I want to ride the fuck out of his lizard with a saggy chin. What you think, yo?"_ I could only imagine the non-direction of _that_ direction.

I wanted Shags to touch me. I wanted his hands in my hair again and his lips brushing mine. I wanted to feel like I was falling down the rabbit hole, dig? Why was it him? _She_ always told me that I would find the other half of my soul. At first I wanted it to be my Jazz, but Jazz and I were way deeper than other halves. But here was Shags, with his douchebag army of friends in the Jockus Popularis infantry, and his bound freedom. And he set me on fire. He made me feel unbalanced and balanced and oddly complete. I should have told him all these things at the gallery, but I was a total fudgenugget. I couldn't say the words, my tongue wouldn't form them. So instead I hauled ass and ran like a banana slug with a firecracker up its ass. Somewhere, a god was laughing. I was an emotional and mental Oomp Loompa in Willy Wonka's factory of teenage angst. Dude was trippin' me up. I shouldn't let him trip me up... should I?

Two things of awesomeness came out of that gallery event though: kissing Shags and a donation to the Bella and Jazz road trip fund. Some anonymous type bought all the pictures I had on display and paid a stupid amount of money for them too! Holy Furballs, Catman! Ms. Jane said they showed promise and then her gallery friend, Laurent, said that they were wicked cool - ok, so maybe in different words and then there they were, up on a wall for everyone to see. My moments in time becoming someone else's moments in time. How fucked is that? Ha! It was surreal to see peeps staring at my pics and discussing the finer details, trying to guess the meaning behind each, point out the simplicities and complexities. They asked me questions, but how do you explain that you take pics of what you see. Hello. My name is Bella, and this is how I see my world today. Now beat it! It all made me nervous, but a nice, fat Mellow Molly complete with an Ativan chaser helped soothe the butterflies ripping holes in my tummy. Shhhhhhh butterflies, shhhhhhh. Oh yeah.

* * *

**EPOV**

When you dread a certain moment in your life, it seems that time fast-forwards to that event. All of the day-counting in the world wouldn't have mattered to me because time had passed by at an ungodly rate. Now not only was it the end of the school year (and the end of my seeing Bella on a daily basis),but it was the end of Emmett's time at FHS, and, subsequently, the end of his time at Casa de Cullen.

Saying goodbye to Emmett was one of the hardest things that I had ever done in my life. Not because I found it hard to have him grow up and move on, but because I didn't know what I would do without him bugging me every day.

_Emmett was your only real friend, douchebag. __Now that he's gone off to college, it kinda feels foolish to have placed all your eggs in one basket, doesn't it?_

I wasn't lonely, per se....okay, I was lonely. I missed working out with him, I missed his snarky comebacks when Carlisle tried to make him do something that he didn't want to, I missed having someone to play Guitar Hero with. Doing all of those activities alone made me feel like a monstrous loser.

I don't recall ever feeling truly jealous of Emmett's relationship with Rosalie until that summer when he left. At least when he left he had someone to share the experience with. Obviously Rosalie planned to spend the summer with Emmet when he moved out, coming back to Forks for her senior year of high school.I mean, sure, Emmett was missing me, too. It's not like he had ever lived anywhere as an alert human (being a newborn baby does not count) without me, but at least he had Rosalie.

_I, on the other hand, had no one._

Emmet loaded his last bag into his vehicle and closed the door. With his girlfriend by his side, he was ready to move on to bigger and better things. Things that did not include his practically friendless little brother.

He had Rosalie, and I tried to get Bella...and failed.

_I hate my life._

_

* * *

_**BPOV  
**  
ROAD TRIP!!! The Landau was flying down the interstate headed toward the dart hole in the map with music playing and hearts rejoicing. Pixie's dart had won, so to the sands we must go. The snakes were callin' anyway. The two of 'em were wrapped around each other up front and I was pretty positive she was giving him a road blow. Such is life: sometimes you blow and sometimes you get blown. The Fuzz had nearly lost his mind when I told him we'd be goin' on a trip to nowhere. You'd think I was 12 and headed off to a whorehouse to bake cookies. There was shoutin' and fumin' and slammed doors, but eventually I got my way. Besides, it wasn't just my Jazz and I going. Pixie Addams was going to be there too. Jazz had found the other half of his soul. It stung, but I was a big girl, and besides, Jazz and I could never be separated - we were the same soul.

"Hey, Jazz ..."

"Yeah, Bells-a-bub?"

"You think these dust motes will miss home? I mean. We picked 'em up in Sporks and now they are in Oregon. Do they get lonely? Think they will miss Sporks?"

"Home, Bells-a-bub? Never heard you call a place home before." Jazz's voice sounded strained and I smiled.

"I guess Sporks is growin' on me. Kinda like the trees and the earth and the way the forest breathes."

"And a dickwad jerk who wants in your pants so he can fuck you and leave you?"

Jazz's breath came out in soft pants. "_Fuck .._" Alice must have been working some good magic with her mouth.

"Don't run us off the road, Jazz. Landau would be upset."

I could hear Pixie sucking and swallowing. That might have bothered some, but not me. Wouldn't be the first time I heard or watched some chick munch on a Jazz special. Wouldn't be the last either I imagine. Next time I'd take pictures, give 'em to Pixie for her scrapbook.

"Who is the dickwad jerk?" Pixie Addams asked, wiping her mouth and looking over the seat at me in the back.

"Edward Cullen," Jazz said. His voice was stiff and cold.

"Edward Cullen? Holy SHIT! Edward-the-jock-Cullen, the guy that most chicks would sell themselves to, wants you?" Pixie squealed.

"What? Am I chopped liver or sumthin'? Why wouldn't someone want me?"

"No, no. It's not that Bella. Just, his type is usually big tits and no brains. You are smart, and funny, and free. Light years out of his norm. You guys aren't shitting me right? Edward-fucking-Cullen has the hots for Isabella Swan? Unbelievable!"

"Yea, well. He'll watch his ass that's for sure. No one hurts my Bells-a-bub and lives to tell about it," Jazz laughed lightly. Although you could tell that there was an element of truth in there. That's what worried me. I think this was trippin' up Jazz as much as it was trippin' me up.

"Well mi amigos! No need to worry about dickwad jerks here. This summer is all about bein' gypsies on the open road, and gettin' Pixie here to drop some acid. The mutherfuckin' desert is callin' my name. Oh! Oh! Hey Jazz. Stop. Those peeps look like they need a ride."

Jazz slowed the hearse and pulled it over to the side of the road. I rolled down the back window.

"Where you two headed?" I called to them.

"Nowhere in particular," a small blond haired girl smiled.

"Well, we're off to Nevada, so if your nowhere in particular is there, you're in luck! Wanna ride?"

"Fuck yeah!" her companion smiled.

"C'mon in! Was just about to break out Myrtle here for some hits," I said, opening the latch on the back door and letting the peeps climb in, "and you are more than welcome to share in the love. I'm Bella, by the way, and these two pigeons are Jazz and Pixie, although I think her real name is Alice, but whatever."

"I'm Jane, and this is Alec. You guys rock for stopping. We've been walking for hours."

"Well Jane and Alec, welcome to the Landau and the trip to the stars."

* * *

**EPOV**

There was no way around it, and no matter how much I tried to convince myself otherwise, the facts were still there.

While summer breaks have always proven to be a much needed break away from students of FHS, this year I found myself actually missing Bella Swan.

_What is she doing right now? Has she thought of me at all, or am I sitting here, pining away for her like a little bitch who is pining for someone who will have forgotten my name by now?_

_Bella. She is so fucking beautiful, it hurts. And by hurts I mean it gives me blue balls every fucking time I think about her, to the point where it hurts if I don't whack off._

_I don't give a shit that nothing ever happened past us kissing. I still miss the shit outta her._

I had so much pent up energy that even playing baseball or practicing for football didn't get rid of it. I worked out or ran in my free time, but even that wasn't enough. I needed to find something to do with my time before I went crazy.

Esme looked at me with a sad smile on her face for the first few weeks of vacation. I know that she felt sorry for me because Emmett left, but I think that she also caught on to there being a little more to my "summer slump". _And that little more being the fact that I missed the crap out of Bella._

Then, one night, I couldn't take it anymore. I had started out my evening with a glass of Johnnie Walker on the rocks while watching the Mariners game on television, and it didn't take long until I realized that I hated the way my evening had turned out. I hated the way everything had turned out, and that revelation spurred me to drink even more.

_Maybe I have a problem with my alcohol._

Before I was able to double think what I was doing, I had picked up my phone and dialed the one person I could not get off my mind: Bella.

_Drunk dialing is never a good idea, Cullen. This could turn out badly. _But I didn't care. I missed her voice and my inebriated self was ready to throw caution to the wind to be able to hear it.

The phone rang seven times before she answered.

"Hello?" A scruffy, male voice answered.

_A man? What the hell is a man doing answering Bella's phone? _I almost hung up before the liquid courage I had coursing through my veins took over. "Uh, is Bella there?"

"Bella? Uhm ... Bella. Oh yeah! Dude! The girl with the serpent hair. You should hold on." In the background I could hear this male yelling 'serpent girl'.

_Serpent hair? What the fuck is that? _I heard someone mumble into the phone and I waited for someone to say hello. When they didn't, I bravely squared back my shoulders as though I was preparing to fight off the odd man who called Bella serpent girl. _Fuck, you are so drunk._ "Hello? Bella?" I could faintly hear the sound of guitars and drums in the back ground. _Maybe I called at a bad time..._

"Is this God calling?" Her voice was breathy, and full of wonder.

I couldn't help but laugh. "God? Hardly. It's Edward, Bella. I didn't...do you need me to let you go?" _It was such a dumb idea to call her, douche bag. You heard her voice, now you can let her go and do whatever crazy shit she is doing right now._

"Shaggy? That's you? How did you get up there with God? Your mom's gunna be spittin' mad Shaggy. Don't get grape soda on his sofa!" The sound of the drums and guitars seemed to get fainter.

"I am still in Forks, Bella; nowhere near God," I drunkenly laughed, "so don't worry about my mother. Where...where are you?"

"Under the stars, dancing with the ghosts, and gettin' sand between my toes."

I looked at the living room around me. Big screen TV, massive sound system, Emmett and my trophies from various sports. Suddenly, I felt suffocated, and I would have given anything to be out in the wilderness, where Bella was. "So fuckin' jealous," I sighed.

"What's that Shaggy? OOOhhh ... Shhhhhh! We'll wake the snake. Lemme find those rocks. You should come and dance with me, Shaggy."

I chuckled. "Dance with you? Sure, Bella," I said, laying back onto my couch. _I'd like to do the horizontal mambo with you._

"Oh, ouch! Stubbed my toe. WHoa! Ahhaha, that's a big, hairy spider. Here. Here is a good place. Whattya doin', Shaggy?"

I resisted the urge to hiccup/laugh bitterly. "Just fuckin' sittin' here, enjoyin' all that Forks has to offer. Which, coincidentally, is nothing," I replied, taking a large sip from my drink.

"What? Sporks has good tree. No trees here, Shags. Just sand and rocks."

"Who gives a fuck about trees? There is nothing here. Nothing, Bella; trees or no trees." I swirled the small amount of liquid in my glass and watched as ice cubes clinked against each other.

"What's wrong, Shaggy? You sound like tears."

"Nah, no tears. I don't even know the last time I fucking cried." I drank the rest of the liquid in my glass and walked over to the liquor cabinet to pour myself another drink.

"Then why so sad?" She made a humphing sound.

"Bella, Bella, Bella," I said, taking a sip of my whiskey, "such is the life of a Cullen." I took another sip. "But don't worry about me, I didn't call you to fuckin' complain the whole time."

"Whydidya call? Thought you'd be hangin' with your peeps."

"Ha," I laughed dryly. "Ha, ha. Peeps...you really are funny, Bella."

"There's a star here that reminds me of you, Shags. It's all sorts of hazy around the outsides, but the center burns bright. Like smoldering fire. That's you, Shaggy... smoldering fire."

"Smoldering fire?" I asked, smiling. "I'm not sure if that is supposed to be an insult...or a compliment. I'ma gonna take it as a compliment. 'Cause it's like you are sayin' I'm hot or somethin'."

"Too much thinkin' with your head, Shags. So whattya doin' right now?"

"Thinkin' with my head...as opposed to thinkin' with my...?" I took another sip of my drink. "Never mind. What am I doin' now? Sittin' around, drinkin', and drunk-dialing someone just to hear their voice." I let what I said settle in a little bit before I realized that I may have told Bella a little too much information. _Whatever. She probably didn't even notice that you said that._

"You called to hear my voice, Shags? Really? No one's ever done that before."

"How is that possible? You have such a beautiful voice..." _Danger, danger, Will Robinson! Stop flirting now because you are way too inebriated to be having this conversation with Bella._

"I always thought it sounded like monkeys screamin' under water." She was quiet a moment and then gasped softly.

"Bella? Are you okay?" I questioned, worried about the sound that she made.

"Yeah, Shags. The wind blew, and the snake moved and it just felt good."

"So the sound you just made was a good sound?"

"Mmmm, yeah. It's magical out here. You should come see it."

I leaned back on the couch and kicked my feet up on the ottoman placed in front of me. "Wish I could babe, wish I could."

Bella quickly changed the subject. "Someone bought my pictures. Took my captured moments, and now they have part of my universe."

I grinned, thinking about the picture of Bella that Esme had given to me once she had purchased Bella's series from the gallery that night. The picture was in my bedroom, still waiting to be hung up. "Yeah, I guess whoever has your pictures will have a part of you forever, huh?"

"What if they do something bad with it, Shags? I never really thought this through ... Could take my moments and corrupt them. What happens to my universe then?"

I ran my hand through my hair and sighed. "I can guarantee you that nothing bad is going to happen to them, Bella."

"How do you know? Can you promise, Shaggy? Promise me?"

"I just...I know, Bella. I promise you that nothing bad will ever happen to those photos." I got up from the couch and quickly and unsteadily walked to my bedroom. Once inside, I closed the door and put my drink down on my nightstand.

I made my way over to the photograph of Bella that was lying on the floor, propped up by the wall. I carefully ran my fingertips over Bella's face and let out a quick little sigh. "Would it be weird if I told you that I missed you, Bella?" I trailed my finger down the picture from her cheek to her exposed breast. _Holy fuck, this woman is gorgeous. _

There was a long moment of silence before she answered. "No, Shaggy, it wouldn't be."

"Glad I haven't scared you off yet," I laughed, admiring the picture in front of me.

"Why would you scare me? Lemme close my eyes a second."

"Oookay..." I leaned back on the wall next to the picture of Bella and closed my own eyes. I pictured Bella sitting on a beach, high as a kite, and smiling. _What a perfect little drunken daydream. _

"Now I see you, Shaggy."

"Hmmm. I see you, too Bella." _Oh you have no idea how literal I could actually be, if I scooted out from the wall and looked at the half nude fucking picture of you that my mother bought me. Ha._

"So why would you scare me, Shaggy?"

"Really, Bella? My advances are hardly being returned. I would think that there would be a point where we would pass into uncomfortable territory."

"What makes you think they aren't being returned? I was thinking about all those things and they were trippin' me up, and then I remembered your lips and how they made me tingly, and made the thoughts go away, and I liked it. No thoughts, just feeling."

I focused on the only part of that sentence that made me hard. "My lips made you tingly?" _Oh my fuck._

"Like a bug zapper over my skin. Tinglies everywhere. No one has made me tingly like that before. Not even my Jazz."

"A bug zapper? Ummm..." _Is that a good thing or a bad thing? Wait...I think that I have felt something when I kissed Bella. Some kind of tinglies, although I never really thought it was a bug zapper. More like, my groin rejoicing. _"I...I think I know what you are talking about."

"Really, Shags? Did it feel like bug zappers for you too?"

"Uhhh...bug zappers tend to cause pain. I like to think of the experience as a..._pleasurable_ one." _Smooth Cullen, real smooth._

"It felt good, real good... too good."

I frowned. "Too good? What does that even mean?"

"When things are too good, they go away."

"That's..." I ran a hand over my face, "that's not necessarily true, Bella." _But was it true? If I ever got Bella, would I leave her?_

_You don't even have to think about that, douchebag. You would never get Bella, so you don't have to contemplate whether or not you would leave her.  
_  
"How is it not, Shags?"

"You just can't predict the future, B. How will you know that something will end up badly if you never even give it a chance?" _My God, you are a drunk ass. I can't believe you just said that, because now you sound like a pansy cliché._

"Do you think, if you were here in the sand beside me ... do you think I would feel the tinglies again?"

_Without a doubt, I would ravage you until you felt fucking _tinglies_. _"Yeah, I do."

"How do you do that?"

"Do what?" I questioned, crossing my legs at my ankles.

"Make me tingly."

I raised my eyebrow in question, _as if she can see you, jackass. _"Am I making you tingly now, Bella?"

"You, and the snake and the breeze and the stars."

_Instant boner. No joke. _"_Fuck_, Bella, you really can't do shit like that to me," I groaned as I adjusted myself. The image of a naked Bella, laying on top of a blanket on a beach with a calm breeze blowing through her hair would not leave my thoughts. _Fuck...my boner won't be going away anytime soon with images like that running through my head._

"Do what to you, Shaggy? What am I doing to you?"

"Bella, you are driving me nuts. Just thinking about you out in the wilderness is...fuck."

"I don't get it. What about me in the desert?"

"No, Bella. You _never_ get it, do you?" I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. "Do I need to spell it out for you?"

"I don't understand you, Shaggy. I don't get how I drive you nuts, or how the snake and the sand and the stars matter. I don't understand how you make me tingly when you touch me, or how your voice makes my hairs stand up, or how my body needs to breathe you when you are near."

"It's okay," I let out a deep breath, "I don't understand myself sometimes." _God, you are such an emo fuck, aren't you?? Just fucking spit it out already! Tell her how badly you want her! She is high on something, judging by the fact that she keeps talking about snakes, so she probably wouldn't remember if you confessed your undying pansy love. I mean, shit, she said your voice makes her hair stand up! Tell her, you stupid baby! _"Bella, I..." I trailed off, unable to finish my sentence.

"What, Shaggy?" she whispered. The sound of the drums had trailed off, and there were no more guitars. Just silence and the sound of Bella breathing.

_Man up, asshole; and follow your own advice. You won't know what the possibilities are until you put yourself out on the line, remember? _"Bella, I...I like you. I _have_ liked you, since the very first time that I fucking laid eyes on you and the fucking menu that you were taking notes on. Does that sound too second grade of me? Oh fuck, it probably does, but I am too drunk to put it any other way. So..." I took a deep breath. "I..." I paused for a moment, to gauge what Bella may have thought about my stupid fucking revelation.

And I was met with complete silence, I heard nothing on the other line. No laughing, no crying, no heavy breathing...nothing. Bella had hung up on me.

"Bella? Are you there?" I asked, needing to confirm that I was officially talking to myself. I pulled my phone away from my ear and noticed that Bella hadn't hung up on me as I had thought, but _my_ phone had died.

_My phone died._ And now I don't even know if Bella heard what I said to her or if she thought that I hung up on her or...what, I didn't even know. "MOTHER FUCKER!" I cried, stumbling over to my fucking phone charger and plugging my phone in.

Waiting for my phone to start up again after I had plugged it in and started re-charging it seemed to take an eternity. When I finally was able to call Bella once again, my phone call was sent to voice mail. I hung up and tried dialling Bella again, and got her voice mail once more.

"Sailing the desert seas, you've reached Sheik Bella, Jazzercise and Pixie Addams. Leave a yo, ho, ho and we'll give you a bottle of rum." BEEP!

"AHHH!" I screamed as I threw my phone across my bedroom. The phone hit the wall across from my bed and judging by the sound that it made as it connected with the floor, it was definitely broken.

"GODDAMN IT! Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! FUCK IT ALL!" I fought the urge to run around my room and stamp my feet like a toddler.

Instead, I clenched my hands into tight little fists and punched the ground.

_Because I am clearly a genius, and punching the ground would honestly get me somewhere._

The rest of the night was a blur of alcohol and brooding and sneering at my broken phone. And through my drunken haze, I couldn't help but think to myself, _what would Bella's reaction to my confession have been if my mother fucking piece of shit goddamn cock sucker cell phone hadn't died? Because that is the million dollar question, isn't it?_

_

* * *

_**BPOV  
**And then he was gone, like the winds dragging the sand across the rocky ground. His voice brought it all back. He was trippin' me up again. Peyote was trippin' me up again. He made me tingle, made my core heat in the cold night. I pressed my phone to my chest and looked up at the swirling stars. Funny how they swirled like that. Big foamy bits in a dark coffee sky.

I turned my head to the right and opened my eyes.

"Hi, Mom."

_"Hi, Bella, baby."_

"Did you hear what he said?"

_"I did, baby. I told you that you would find the other half of your soul."_

"Is it supposed to feel like this, Momma? Like my insides are acid twisty and if I'm not careful I might spark and catch fire? Is it supposed to feel like I wanna crawl under his skin and be still. Is it supposed to be all tinglies?"

_"Oh baby cat. Yes, it is supposed to feel like that, like that and more."  
_  
"Cause he makes me want to be still. To stay. To stop roaming. And I'm scared, Momma."

_"Baby cat, you found something I never did. Your father, Phil, none of them made me feel like staying put. It's exciting. You should just feel it and stop thinking so much about it. You are such a beautiful woman, Bella. Let that inner goddess out. Love. Share your universe. "_

"It's different. It feels all funny. He's not like my Jazz. Jazz feels like my footie jammies in the middle of winter. Jazz understands my moments and my universe."

_"But that's because you and Jazz are reflections of the same soul. You are one. So yes, he is going to understand you. He is you, and you are him. But you don't want a reflection. You want an expansion, growth, someone that will free you."_

"What if he hurts me? What if he is like Phil? What if he tries to stifle me like the Fuzz?"

_"You have to take a chance, Bella cat. Be fearless."_

"I miss you, Momma."

_"I miss you too, Bella cat."_

"Hey, Mom?"

_"Yes, Bella?"_

"I'm glad you lost the rope marks. They made your neck look funny."

_"They kinda burned too. Love you, Bella cat."_

"Love you too, Mom."

* * *

**EPOV**

I didn't bother replacing my fucking cell phone. There was really no need for it...any one who would call the phone wouldn't be worth talking to. My brain dead friends and lame booty calls could call my parent's house phone if they really fucking needed to get a hold of me.

Besides, I took the whole incident of my "phone dying in the middle of my pansy ass confession of lust" to be a sign of sorts. A sign that Bella wasn't ready to hear what I had to say to her.

The summer was passing by with the pace of a snail, and I wanted to pound something through my temporal lobe just to...end it all, or something along those dramatic lines.

One day, with boredom coursing through my system (and Bella on the brain, of course), I decided to take a random drive around Forks. I ended up in the town of Port Angeles, which happens to be a town of equal worthlessness (n comparison to Forks, of course).

Pulling onto a dirt road that I had never traveled on before, I realized that the dirt road was a new addition to the city. A small sign near the mouth of the road boasted a new development bluntly called "The Woods".

_The Woods. Really? Real fucking original, Port Angeles._

My curiosity took over and I pulled onto the road. I wasn't driving long before I happened upon a construction crew that appeared to be working on a new house that was situated in the new development.

I don't know why, but I parked my car for a moment as I watched the crew working. It was the most bizarre thing ever, watching a group of men work harder in a few moments than I ever had in my entire life.

"Hey, E!" I heard from right outside my door. "What the fuck you up to, man?"

I squinted my eyes into the rare spot of sunlight in Washington and noticed that a fellow football player from FHS, Chad Olson, was one of the construction workers on the job site.

"Chad! Hey, man," I replied, nodding.

"Edward, dude, whatcha doin' out here? Want a job or somethin'?" Chad wiped his hands off on the reflective vest that he was wearing.

_Did I want a job? What a silly thing for him to ask._

_Right?_

_Wait..._did_ I want a job?_

_Think about it, pansy Cullen. You are bored out of your mind 99% of the day. You don't have any wants or needs to do anything with anyone, which kind of makes your summer break/utter freedom completely useless. And you have never done anything like construction before, not even close._

In fact, the more I thought about it, the idea of the ridiculously hard work that I would have to do as an unskilled, untrained grunt of a construction crew kind of made me excited.

_I mean, it's nothing that Emmett has ever done before. Oh hell, it's nothing that a pansy ass _Cullen _has ever done before. 'Cause you know, hard labor doesn't fit into the definition of "the life of a Cullen"._

_By working hard labor and sweating for my paycheck, I could break the mold that my prissy little ancestors made for me. The mold that includes having a gardener instead of taking care of your own plants, a housekeeper who cleans up your messes instead of having you do it yourself, and using an RV instead of a fucking tent when going fucking camping._

_Fuck, I could make my _own_ mold...one that would slowly but surely make me more like someone Bella would want rather than someone that Bella would make fun of._

Just that idea alone pushed me over the edge.

"Yeah, man." I scratched my neck, turning to face Chad again. "I would like a job."  
**  
XXXXXXXX**

I tried to keep my job as a construction worker a secret from my parents, but it became painfully obvious after my first day of work that my secret would not be kept for long.

When I returned home from work that first day, I was mentally and physically exhausted and dirty almost to the point of being unrecognizable.

_Thank God I asked Chad to drive me to and from work in his work pickup truck. There is no way that I would have been able to drive home in my car in the muddy clothes that I was wearing._

While the day had started out sunny and dry, it had rapidly progressed to rainy and wet. And it doesn't take a genius to know that dirt plus water equals mud.

Unfortunately for me, my father was home when I walked in the door. He stopped and stared at me for a moment before his puny mouth turned up into an evil sneer.

"What the fuck are you doing, Edward? What the fuck is this?" Carlisle questioned, motioning to my mud-covered _everything_. 

_I mean, shit, I probably even have some mud in my fucking boxers._

I felt my blood begin to boil at Carlisle's little confrontation. My jaw instinctively tightened, and I posed myself defensively.

_God, please give me the strength to not hit my father. My muscles probably couldn't handle a fight right now, even with my weak ass pansy father...laying sod really does a number to your body if you aren't used to the strain. _However, the look that Carlisle was giving me, was making it hard not to want to lay into him. _One little punch couldn't hurt, right? _I flexed my hand and felt my muscles groan from use. _Nope, hitting the man is not an option right now._

Since I couldn't resort to violence, I decided to go with avoidance instead.

"What the fuck does it look like, Carlisle? Now get the hell outta my way, I gotta take a fucking shower." I tried to move to Carlisle's right just as he took a step to his left to block me.

"Is that...is that a construction vest you have on? Is that why you are covered in mud?"

I didn't even look at Carlisle. Instead, I started planning my escape route in order to get my dirty ass in the shower. _Yep, there is definitely mud in my boxers. _

"Move outta my fucking way before I force you to move," I said through gritted teeth, venom seeping through my voice.

"Boy, you don't look like you could harm a fly in the condition that you are in," Carlisle replied, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Fuck _you_. _Move_. I am not kidding, asswipe. Get the fuck outta my way."

"You just called me an 'asswipe'? You ungrateful little..." Carlisle took a step closer to me and looked as though he was going to hit me.

_Good luck with that one, old man._

"Edward? Is that you, darling?" Esme trilled, breaking in on the almost-confrontation that was taking place in our now-muddy foyer.

"Yes, Esme." I waited for Esme to join us in the foyer before I ran a disgusting hand through my disgusting hair.

Esme trotted into the room without a hair out of place and smoothed her skirt out as she eyed me up and down. "Carlisle, why are you picking on poor Edward here? He looks like he has had better days."

I raised a dirty eyebrow at her. "Thanks, Esme."

Esme shook her head. "Oh dear, you know that I meant that in as nice a way as possible." Esme turned to my father and smiled. "And Carlisle, honey, please let Edward go shower. We can talk to him later, okay? Besides, he can't be comfortable dressed the way he is."

Carlisle glared at my mother and she glared at him back. I took the momentary distraction between the two of them as my chance to go upstairs and scrub away the fucking dirt that had accumulated on my body.

I stripped out of my clothing right as the ceramic tile ended and the carpet began. Running through my house practically naked (save for my also dirty boxers), for the first time since the summer began, I was actually thankful that Emmett was not home. _'Cause that bastard would have totally tripped me and started wrestling right in the hallway, which would have given me rug burn. And I can definitely go without rug burn._

_Emmett is so fucking predictable. I think I miss him, even if he would have tackled me to the ground just now._

I threw myself into the shower and watched almost in wonderment as the gravel that was once present on my body collected on the floor of my shower.

_Never in my life -- not even when I first discovered the joys of masturbating -- had I ever enjoyed a shower as much as this one._

I relaxed under the spray and adjusted the body jets that lined my immaculately designed walk-in shower to aim right at my tender muscles.

_I have been playing sports all of my life and have attended hour-long sports practices since I could remember. I have gone to sports camps that work you to the bone, day and night, and I have endured my satanic coach's ideas of "team punishments"...but never in my life have I ever felt this sore after a long day away from home._

I groaned as I stepped out of the shower and slowly dried myself off. _At least I am in shape...there is no way I would have been able to do all of that work today if I wasn't physically fit._

Opting for a pair of loose-fitting pajama pants and no shirt (because the little bit of sun that I did get today was strong and because I wasn't wearing my vest the entire time, my skin was a little pink from the sun exposure), I walked down the stairs to talk with my mother and the sperm donor.

I reached the bottom of the steps and noticed that the housekeeper had already picked up my dirty work clothes. I shook my head to myself as I thought about the other guys on the construction crew. Although I had not acquainted myself with all of them yet, I knew that not a single one of them had a maid that would fucking clean up their dirty laundry that had only moments before been discarded.

_You can take the spoiled brat out of the mansion but you can't take the mansion out of the spoiled brat._

I found Esme and Carlisle in the den, Esme happily perched on the love seat reading a magazine while Carlisle sipped brandy from what was probably his favorite glass. Esme looked up from her magazine and smiled warmly at me before patting the spot on the love seat next to her.

I sat down and tugged on the cord of my pants. Esme ran a hand through my wet hair before opening her mouth.

"So, Edward, mind telling your father and I why you came home today looking like you had been rolling in mud?" My mother closed her magazine and placed it on the coffee table in front of us.

I sat silently, trying to figure out a way to tell my mom that I had taken up a temporary job as a construction laborer. Taking my silence to be something that it wasn't, my mother pressed on.

"You weren't 'mud wrestling', were you? Oh Edward, if you were...was it with a boy or a girl?"

I blanched and started choking on the spit that was in my mouth. "Esme...what the fuck?? No, I was not 'mud wrestling'," I coughed, clearing my throat from the spit that I had previously choked on, "and if I had been, it would have been with a girl."

Esme smiled and patted my leg. "I know that you have never done anything to make me believe otherwise, but you have seemed so angry lately. I thought that I would give you an opening if you needed one, honey."

"Thanks for your concern. If I had turned out to be gay, you would have known by now." I rolled my eyes, feeling more uncomfortable than I had originally imagined.

_Come on, mom. You of all people know that I had a very healthy sexual appetite...before Bella came around, that is._

Carlisle laughed at me from his spot in the room and I instinctively flexed my hand into a fist as I cast a glance at him. "You wanted to talk to me? Or just laugh at me? 'Cause I would really like to get to bed soon." I was beyond tired and anxiously awaiting my bedtime for the first time in my life. I was sure that the next day would be even more difficult than today, and I was almost dreading it.

_I would be dreading it, if I wasn't so excited. As of lately, I fucking love doing the unexpected._

"I'd really appreciate it if you told me what you were doing today," Carlisle stated, taking another sip of his drink.

"It's...barely 5pm, Carlisle. Is drinking right now really necessary?" I snidely asked, raising an eyebrow at him and deflecting the question for just a moment longer.

"Answer his question baby. Please?" Esme cooed, messing up my almost dry hair once again.

_Oh my God...I swear, Carlisle doesn't give a shit about what I do with my time. He doesn't care, that is, until I come home, covered head to toe with mud. Mother fucker._

"I was at work."

Carlisle laughed into his brandy, the sides of his glass fogging up with moisture.

"So, asshole, the idea of me working is funny to you? Fuck you."

"No," Carlisle said, swirling his drink around. "The idea that you walk in here, like you just worked the hardest day of your life, is what I find funny. Good Christ, you probably have a pathetic job."

I saw red. "Pathetic, yeah. That's it. You know what? Fuck you." I motioned to stand and Esme grabbed my hand, pulling me back next to her.

"Edward, baby, why don't you tell me what amazing job you landed?"

I pinched the bridge of my nose and decided that the sooner I told them, the sooner I would be in bed. "Construction. I got a job as a construction laborer."

Carlisle laughed and slapped his hand across his knee. "Construction! Of all the idiotic..."

"Wonderful, character-building jobs!" Esme enthusiastically finished. "I've gotta say...I never saw it coming. But I am so proud of you for having some initiative to get a job like that on your own!"

"Yeah. Now if only he would put that kind of effort into college applications," Carlisle muttered, taking another sip of alcohol.

Esme looked like she was getting pissed. "Now Carlisle, you and I have talked about that. Leave it alone, okay? He will apply when he is good and ready."

_Of course this conversation had to roll into what I was doing about college. Fucking predictable parents._

My parents shared glares before I got up to leave the room. I looked both of them over before bidding them goodnight. "I'm going to bed. It was so much fun chatting with you both tonight," I said as I got up from the love seat. Esme opened her mouth as though she was going to speak, and I put a hand up to prevent her from doing so. "I know what you are gonna ask, Es. Yes, I have work tomorrow. Yes, I will be gone all day, and yes, I will probably come home looking as dirty as I did today. Oh, and before I forget, no, I do _not _know which college I want to attend or what I want to major in. And if you two would fucking stop asking me, that would be great."

I walked out of the room before either of my parents could answer me.

_Goddamn. Parents can be so fucking annoying sometimes._

_

* * *

_**BPOV  
**Have camera, will travel. We got back to Sporks a couple of weeks before school was supposed to start. For sure we looked like a band of dirty gypsies! We got Pixie Addams to chop her hair off, save for one longer piece that Jazz had braided. We were all sporting tans and were still cleaning sand outta, well, everywhere. I was hesitant at the beginning of the summer to have Pixie Addams with us, but she kinda grew on me like a Siamese twin. I could see why Jazz lost himself to her. But it was also bittersweet. Things changed. No longer my bedbug. No longer my constant entertainment. I knew it would change back in Sporks too. Part of me was grieving for my soul, but part of me rejoiced. Jazz was complete. But I was still hanging.

What tickled my goose the most was thinking about Shags, and what _She_ said that night under the stars. _Be fearless_. Fearless. I needed to grow me a set. What the fuck?! Dude was turning me into some nervous Nelly. That wasn't Bella the mighty! Bella the what the fuck you say? Where was freedom in fear? Take this shit by the horns, woman! Ride like the wind, pick bugs from your teeth, flash your bare ass to the world. Ok! For sure! Well, maybe some smoky courage first. Cause what I wanted to say, what I should have said at the gallery, this was gunna take more balls than a stud bull in a harem.

"Deep breath, Bells I say. You can do it old girl!" I picked up the phone and dialed Shaggy's number as I took a hit off Myrtle.

"'Lo?" Edward sighed into his phone.

"Uhm, Shags?" I would need a lot more Myrtle for this.

"Yeah?"

"It's Bella. Thought you'd... Guess you had a wicked awesome summer. Hanging with your peeps. Maybe you forgot 'bout me... I'll let you go."

"Wait, no! Bella, I am not doing anything. No need to let me go," Edward said like a puppy getting a cookie.

"You, uhm, have a good summer?" I sounded like an idiot twat. Myrtle, you best pack your punch, and soon.

He paused for a moment. "Good summer? What would your definition of a good summer be? Hanging around Forks by yourself? Then yeah, I had a great summer."

"Oh, but your peeps... Didn't you hang with them? I mean, heh. I don't know what I mean." I exhaled, and then took in a deep, calming, pot filled breath. I could feel my body and brain start to mellow. "I really digged talking to you that night under the stars. I... I thought 'bout you over the summer. You really trip me up, Shags."

He sighed. "I guess I could say the same about you, Bella."

"That night you said you liked me, well... I, I like you too, Shags. You make me feel different, and I don't get it, but I don't wanna get it. I mean, we are like peas and squash. Thought that my other half would be more like my Jazz, but here you are being the pecans in my pie. I never thought it would be someone like you. Make sense?" There, I said it. Balls grown. Thank you Myrtle.

"I'm sorry, what did you say? I...I must have misheard you." Oh man, maybe I was totally off my rocker. Maybe I had dreamt the call, maybe it was me tripping out. He sounded shocked. Oh fuck. Was I throwing myself under a train full of elephants?

"I'm sayin', Shags, that you are the Stimpy to my Ren. Maybe that's not the right way..." Deep breath. "She said I should put it all out on the line ... so here goes. I dig you, I want to know more about you. I want to feel the tinglies again." I closed my peepers, waiting to hear his response.

"Seriously, Bella?" he laughed into his phone. "I just...fuck, I never thought that I would hear that from you. I mean, shit, that is..." He took a shaky breath. "That is fucking amazing, B."

"Is it? I mean, I thought you'd laugh or some shit. Tell me I was crazy or somethin'" Myrtle was humming through my body, making my head feel okay. "I don't know what to do next, Shags."

"Laugh at you? For liking me? Wouldn't that be a little counter-active or something?" He paused. "And honestly, Bella, I have no idea what to do next either. I wish that I could tell you that we could just let things happen naturally, but...there might be too many things working against us if we did that. Does that make any sense?"

"Yeah, like Batman and Catwoman. Do we just let it go? 'Cause I'm not so sure I can do that now, may be too late."

"Let it go? Let what go, Bella? Because I sure as hell am not letting you go. No fucking way." He had grit to his voice.

"Oh, ok. Good. 'Cause I don't wanna let go either. This is all kinda new for me, Shags, feeling like this. She said it was supposed to be like this, so I trust her ... but it is kinda scary." I took another hit from Myrtle. "You gotta put it out there, see what comes back to you."

"Anything beyond mindless fucking is new to me. And believe me...any kind of fucking that I did was mindless. On both parts, if I was telling the truth." There was a pause, and I could hear the phone being switched from one ear to another. "Bella, what are you doing right now? Are you free? I am on my way home from work, and I was wondering if you wanted to do something?" He sounded so little, so unsure of himself.

"Just hanging' with Myrtle. Jazz and Pixie are off at the races somewhere. Uhm, we could do sumthin' if you wanted. Got anythin' in mind?"

"Myrtle? Who is she?"

"Myrtle's just a really good friend. She's all swirly painted glass and rhinestones. Packs a punch. So what you wanna do, Shags?"

"Myrtle wears rhinestones? Or...she's a bong, isn't she Bella?"

"Well, of course she is. Who else would a Myrtle be?" Seriously, what else could be called Myrtle?

He let out a loud laugh. "Of course, Bella. So fucking perfect. So...about getting together. Wanna come out with me to a job site that I have been working at? The landscaping is fucking beautiful, and I think that you might appreciate it."

"Yeah, Shags. I'd like to see that. Uhm, I don't have Landau though. Jazz and Pixie took it." I only hoped he cleaned off any spooge.

"I have a car, for Christ's sake. You want me to pick you up?"

"Right, you do. Sure, Shags, that would be good." I don't know the last time I was in a normal car. It had been Landau and I for so long. Was I betraying Landau? If I'm sneaky, he'll never know!

"Uhhh...you live at the chief's house, right? I gotta run home and shower, but I should be able to be at your place in say about, 30 minutes?"

"Yup, I live with the Fuzz. I'll be ready in 30. See your then, Shags."

Fuck me with a silver boot and throw me in the Atlantic! That had gone way better than I had hoped. Shags was gunna be over and we were gunna be looking at shrubberies! Dude! What does one wear on a landscaping date? I hopped off my bed and looked through my closet. Hmmmmm ... it had to scream green. I threw on a pair of my best religious jeans, the ones with all the good holes, a green tweed skirt, an Oscar the Grouch t-shirt and some striped arm warmers. I whipped my hair up into a scarf; It had gotten kinda dread like over the summer -hard to keep it all under control in the middle of the dessert. Off to the bathroom to brush my chicklets then I hightailed it down the banister and threw my shoes on.

MYRTLE!! I booked it upstairs and hid precious Myrtle so the Fuzz didn't stumble across her, grabbed my messenger bag and went back downstairs to wait for Shags.

* * *

**EPOV**

I pinched myself like the little pansy ass that I was. _Did that phone call really happen? Or did I crash my car and I am dead, in a ditch somewhere?_

No way in hell did Bella seriously just call me and tell me that she wants to know more about me. _No fucking way._

And yet here I was, speeding to get home and shower so I could go and pick up Bella and bring her to the job site.

_What a wonderful place to bring the chick that you want to fuck. Dirt and mud and unfinished construction just screams romance, right? Goddamn Cullen, your brilliance (or lack there of) astounds me sometimes._

Reaching Casa de Cullen within minutes of ending my phone call, I was lucky that I hadn't been pulled over by the good chief himself on my way home. The speeds that I was traveling at could only have been legal on the German autobahn, honestly.

But I didn't care. _Bella_ was fucking waiting for me, and I was a dirty bastard who was covered in dirt once again. _Gotta love my job._

_Bella._ Oh fuck, I had an instant hard on as soon as I even fucking _thought_ her name.

I slyly slipped into the house, avoiding my parents at all costs. Not because I gave a shit if they saw me, but because I didn't want them to see me traipsing through the house with a boner as soon as I got home from work. _Don't need to give Esme any more fuel to her "Edward is hiding in the closet" argument._ _And arriving home from work with a huge stiffy after spending all day with members of the same sex would do me no good what-so-ever._

Successfully reaching the shower without being seen, I peeled my clothes off (I found that if I take them off in my bathroom, the housekeeper doesn't feel the need to clean them up immediately) and threw them on to the floor.

I started the shower, and before even checking the temperature, I jumped right in. Although the water started out frigidly cold, it adjusted to a mild temperature in a matter of moments. And I couldn't help but think about my impending meeting with Bella.

Of course, the more I thought about Bella, the harder my already hard cock got.

_I have time to rub one out, don't I?_

_Fuck yes you do._

_Awe fuck. Bella in her tutu, Bella half naked, Bella's bare breast, Bella spread out on _my _bed instead of Jasper's, Bella's...Bella...Bella..._

It honestly didn't take long for me to come when I was thinking about Bella. _Especially since you have a fucking date with her in less than 20 minutes._

Holy shit. I seriously had a date with Isabella Swan.

Am I dreaming? Probably. Do I give a shit? Not at all.

Hurrying to get dressed, I flew downstairs and got into my car. Before I even realized that I was driving, I was parked in front of the Swan residence. _Probably should have paid attention while you were driving, Cullen. You could have died on your way over._

My inner voice was such a fucking pansy.

I looked up to the house and saw Bella, who was sitting outside on her porch, looking fucking divine.

_Divine, really? Oh dear God Cullen. You need fucking help._

Bella jumped off the porch and hopped over to the car. She was so clearly stoned.

_Of course she was stoned. There is no way she'd be able to deal with you is she wasn't stoned._

"Hey, Shags. What's cookin'?" she said, getting into the car, a lazy smile plastered across her lips.

_You know what? Let's skip all the formalities and I will bring you home and get you into the place that I really want you in- my bed. _"Nothing much, Bella. Got off work and came over here. What have you been up to?"

"I told ya, Shags, hangin' with Myrtle, eatin' some bears and lookin' at some pictures, and I was talkin' to you. Oh, I did hang with Jazz and Pixie earlier, but they've gone to ride the ponies. "

_Uh yeah, I heard you the first time, but the shock of you actually calling me kind of rendered me stupid. _"Pictures of what, exactly?"

"Pictures from the summer, traipsin' around the dessert. Bein' gypsies," she grinned, "or Bedouins roaming around the sands."

"So you had an eventful summer, huh?" I asked, pulling my car out of the Swan's driveway. "I'm glad that you had a camera to capture those moments."

"Ended up in Nevada. Pixie's dart won, so that's why we ended up there. Gotta capture moments, Shags. How else will I create my universe?"

"I have no idea, Bella." I ran my free hand through my hair and sighed.

"You said you've been working. What kinda job? Are you like, some sort of football crime fighting ninja with wicked green eyes?"

I couldn't help it...I laughed. "Again, with the eyes, Bella." I chuckled a little more to myself and shook my head. "Nah, no football crime fighting ninja-ing this summer. I have," I cleared my throat, "I've been working construction."

"Seriously?!" She turned toward me, angled awkwardly in the seat to face me. "That is wicked awesome! What have you been makin'?"

"Ah, nothing big, actually. I am working at a new development in Port Angeles, and to be honest, I am a peon. A 'nothing', you know? I had no prior experience, but I wanted to," I turned to face Bella, "I wanted to get my hands dirty. So I do the work that no one else wants to because I have the least amount of seniority. But I don't care, because I am doing something for me that doesn't involve anyone but myself."

"Feel good makin' stuff and doing things? Shags, you are creatin' your own universe," she said grinning.

_Wasn't expecting that reaction, but I will go with it. Cause for Christ's sake, the woman is _smiling_ at me. _"Yeah, I guess I am, aren't I? But you know, I am not really doing anything of importance. I am a labor grunt on the site, and it's nothing that I will ever want to do again. I am just really glad that I have been able to get the experience. Oh, and the workout that it's giving me? Totally worth all of the fucking sweat." I smiled back at Bella.

"Shags, your whole experience is important! That's what's so wicked cool, puttin' yourself out there, doing something different. Wish I could have taken pictures for you, to capture your moments."

"Nah, I don't need a picture of any of that. Those memories ain't leaving me for awhile." I turned my eyes to the road once more when I remembered the sewer line problem that the site had. Fuck, just thinking about that _shit_ made me gag.

"I think that's awesome, Shaggy. More productive than I was."

I squeezed the steering wheel. "Yeah, but Bella, you had someone to enjoy your summer with." _Jasper the cocksucker. _"I had no one...so I had to find something to do to pass the mundane days that took up my free time."

"It was pretty cool with Jazz and the Pixie, but I..." she looked down, biting at her bottom lip, "wasn't the same without you 'round."

_Okay, now I am seriously dreaming. 'Cause there is no way that the Bella that I know would say that to me. She looks down at the fact that I am a predictable jock who is surrounded by skanks and jocks alike. And Bella...well, Bella is free spirited and beautiful, and quite frankly, the most intrig_u_ing person I have ever met._

_I mean, I had basically gotten used to the fact that Bella would never like me. And now, Bella is turning my whole self-deprecating "no one loves me but my mom" world upside down. _ "You know, I hate sounding like a vagina, but I have to say this. This is all honestly coming as a huge surprise to me. I really can't word it any other way."

"You tripped me up, Shags, at the gallery. Made the cogs turn, and made me feel things I've never felt before. And then you called and I tried to say the words, and then _She_ said I should take a chance. I didn't think you would call, I didn't think you'd get under my skin."

_Thank fucking God I called her that one night when I was drunk. _But there was one thing that was nagging on my mind. "I'm glad that she told you to take a chance. But Bella, who is 'she'?"

"_She_ uhm, yeah ..." Bella looked away. "_She_ is my mom. But, that doesn't matter. Here we are right?"

I could tell that I had stumbled upon a really touchy subject, so I decided to leave it at that. "Yes, here we are." I tapped my fingers on the steering wheel and looked at the road ahead of me. "So, where was it that you all drove this summer? Just the location that Alice threw a dart at? Or did you guys go somewhere else? You were gone for a long time, weren't you?" _Jesus, Cullen. Throw a million questions at her, why don't you? I mean, I know that you are desperate to change the topic, but you don't have to drown her with questions._

"The rule was we had to get to the dart hole, but how we got there was up to Landau. So we drove along and met some peeps along the way. We were gone pretty long, didn't get back too long ago - a few days maybe. You ever been to the dessert, Shags? It was wicked. Nuthin' 'round for miles. No one to tell you what to do," she grinned, "clothing optional. Nuthing but you and the sand and the sun. Oh, and some really ridiculous bugs. And my gummies melted into my chocolatey-goodness."

I smiled the most genuine smile that I could conjure up. "Clothing optional, huh? Must've been interesting for the people that you met on the way, huh?" I tried to keep myself from getting jealous that other people -- fucking strangers -- have seen Bella naked and I haven't. _Ha, good luck with that._

"Dude, we found this nudist camp outside of Oregon. It was great... except for the mosquitoes at dusk. Those buggers are vicious. But in the dessert, it was nice to feel the sun on your skin and the heat on your back."

My hands tightened around my steering wheel to the point where my knuckles turned white. _Bella at a fucking nudist camp? Fuck my life. I dream about seeing this woman nude on an hourly rate, and some strangers with most likely sagging private parts get a free peep show? Fuck, fuck, fuck. _"That, um," I cleared my throat, "that sounds interesting."

"We met these really wacky cats, Jane and Alec. They were hitchhiking, and Landau has more than enough room. They ended up coming to Nevada with us. Alec knew all this shit about surviving in the wild. And Jane was all crafty. She made me some jewelry out of dried vines. They were kinda freaked out by the reservation though. Dunno why. And then we met this nomad of the sands. He said I had hair like serpents. He was a drummer - forget his name though. You meet some wicked cool peeps on the road."

The jealous part of me was shining through, no matter how hard I tried to keep it at bay. "So, you hung out with a couple of guys on your vacation, huh? I am sure that Jasper and Alice left you guys alone quite a few times." _Jesus Christ, man. She admits that she likes you one minute, and the next you are verbally pissing on her leg? She isn't yours, jackass. And she sure as fuck wasn't yours over the summer when she met these people._

"Yeah, those two. Holy fuck. Talk about ride the ponies. Pixie Addams is for sure an experienced jockey now. That girl has a set of lungs. But yeah, I mean they were gone a bunch of times and I hung out with the peeps we met or were travelling with - guys, girls..."

I couldn't help it. A daydream of Bella with another woman flashed through my head, and I almost came on the spot. "I wasn't really asking about Alice and Jasper's sex life, Bella." _Good save! Now she doesn't have to know how fucking perverted you are!_

_Ha! Fat chance at that, idiot!  
_  
"Oh, sorry. Mmm... maybe you shouldn't tell anyone 'bout that. I always forget there is some shit you shouldn't talk about with others." She laughed. "It's just been Jazz and I for so long that I forget."

"It's not a problem, Bella. You know I won't say anything." _I don't have anyone to tell that to, anyways. _"But for the record, I was kind of asking about you when I made the comment about Jasper and Alice leaving you alone." _And for the record, I am so glad that it isn't just you and Jasper anymore, _I silently added.

"You asking if I fucked anyone, Shags?" She turned and looked at me.

_Shit! Of course I was asking that, but I didn't plan on you being so blunt about it. Fuck, now how do I answer that question with tact? _I couldn't say anything, because I didn't know how to say it without looking like a jerkoff. So I just stared at the road ahead and clenched my jaw.

"I made out with this guy, Aro. But nothing really happened. Didn't feel right... no tinglies. So it was just me flickin' the bean."

My mouth went dry and I couldn't concentrate. I pulled the car over and put it in park. "_Fuck, _Bella. You seriously can't do that to me, especially when I am driving. I could have fucking crashed the car." I ran a hand through my hair and tried to concentrate on my breathing in efforts to control the boner that was growing in my pants.

_Okay, controlling your breathing isn't working. So...dead kittens. Wait, dead kittens, laying on a naked Lauren Mallory. Fuck! It's still not working!_

"Do what to you, Shags? You mad that I made out with some guy?"

_My God, Bella. You are brilliant, honestly, except for when it comes to matters of the opposite sex. _Since I couldn't think of any other way, and because my boner wasn't going away any time soon, I grabbed her hand and placed it on my penis, which was visible through my pants. "This, Bella, is what you do to me. Got it?"

Her eyes widened and her breathing deepened. "I, I... I didn't know." Her eyes dropped to her hand and instead of taking her hand away, she shifted it, gently stroking me through my pants. When she realized what she was doing she lifted her hand and looked into my eyes. "What do you want to... no, uhm. Maybe we should go to that place we were headed." Her skin was flushed and she worried her lower lip. I could see the peaks of her hard nipples under her t-shit.

_She expects me to drive in this condition? Fuck that. _I reached over and roughly pulled her face to mine. _I want to fucking devour this unbelievably sexy creature. _Capturing her lips with mine, I had to fight the urge to grab her breast with my free hand. Bella returned my kiss with enthusiasm, her tongue mating with mine. She let out a breathy moan before lightly pulling on my hair. That did me in, completely and totally. I reached my hand up and grabbed her breast under her shirt, lightly flicking her nipple. She arched beneath my hand, pushing her breast harder against me.

Bella moaned louder and pulled my hair even harder. I couldn't help but try to rub my erection on something -- anything -- while getting closer to her. She shifted in her spot and tried to move over to me, but the seatbelt fastened around her prevented her from climbing onto my lap. I growled, unbuckled my own seat belt and reached over to unbuckle her. As soon as her seatbelt sprang free, I made a motion to lift Bella's shirt over her head and she readily complied.

I threw her shirt into the backseat and attacked her nipples with my tongue as I shifted closer to her. I easily lifted her onto my lap and thrust my raging fucking boner against the back of her thigh. She pulled my head closer to her and started to rhythmically grind against me, her hips rolling with each thrust of her pelvis.

"Bite them, Shags," she whispered, continuing to grind against my hard cock.

_Don't need to tell me twice. _I placed my mouth on Bella's nipple and tenderly bit down. I followed my bite up with a gentle kiss on her breasts. She whimpered and moved faster against me. _A kiss? Really?_ Bella pulled my mind to the present as she leaned back and fumbled with the bottom of my shirt. _She is trying to take your clothes off, Edward._

_Did I want her to do this?_

_Fuck yes I do._

_But..._

_But this isn't right. It doesn't feel right._

_I want to have sex with Bella, but..._

_...But not here, not right now. I don't want it like this, haphazard and in my God damn car. I don't want to take her the way that I fucking took Jessica Stanley last fall, or the way that I took Lauren Mallory last winter. Bella's not one of those fucking sluts, and I refuse to treat her like that._

"Bella, Bella. Babe, wait. Bella, please wait." I gently grabbed her shoulders.

"What? Shags, what's wron- i'm sorry," she said, stumbling over her words, eyes dark with desire and now confusion.

"I just...I'm so sorry, Bella, but I can't do this right now. I know that I am the one who fucking instigated all of this, but I can't fuck you in my car. I refuse to cheapen you like that, and...I'm sorry." I ran my hand down my face and felt like a virgin pussy, regardless of the fact that what I was doing was not for selfish reasons.

Obviously I wanted Bella, _wanted Bella more than anything, _and if I were selfish, I would have had Bella. But this is...more than a quick fuck. So it wasn't going to happen like that as long as I had control of myself.

"No, I'm sorry, Shags. I should control myself better." She eased off me, reaching for her shirt in the back seat. "Get carried away sometimes."

"It was my fault, so don't apologize. Besides, I don't blame you for not being able to resist this," I said jokingly, running my hand up and down my torso.

"No, i wasn't thinkin', Shags. I could have ruined this." She put her shirt back on. "I got carried away." She looked at me, worried, "We cool though, right?"

"Bella," I said, reaching a hand over and running it through her hair. "Of course we are cool. No worries, okay?"

"You sure?" She took my hand in hers and held it tight.

"Absolutely positive," I stated, squeezing her hand. I looked over my shoulder and pulled my car back onto the road and started driving to our original destination once again.

"Can I tell you a secret, Shags?" she said, buckling herself back up and holding my hand.

_Fuck yes! _"Of course, Bella. You can tell me anything." _Oh dear God, you sound like a pu_

_ssy._

"I've wanted to do that for a while now," she said, grinning at me.

"I'm pretty sure that it is no secret that I have wanted to do that for awhile now, too." I smiled back at Bella. _You smiled at her? For real? You really are acting like a virgin, you know that? _

"So now the cat's outta the bag, what do we do with it?" She was still holding my hand, her fingers laced with mine.

"I have no idea, Bella. I mean, obviously I want to...continue on. I mean, whatever this is, I want to...keep doing it? Oh fuck, I have no idea what I am saying." I felt the palm of my hand that Bella was holding start to sweat. _That's fucking odd, because nothing like that has ever happened to me outside of when I was playing sports. I mean, I would get nervous if we were losing a game that we really had to win, but that was different. Different 'cause I was nervous then._

_Wait...is that what this is? Am I nervous? Does Bella make me nervous?_

I felt butterflies (or at least, what I can assume are butterflies) in my stomach. _Yep, Bella makes me nervous._

"Shags," she said, turning toward me, "If we do this, I want you to be comfortable. I can't do things sorta the way."

I took my head back from Bella's and placed it on my steering wheel. _Comfortable, yeah. Oh God, I hope she didn't realize that my hand was getting sweaty. _"No, I get that," I lied, "and I am comfortable. I wouldn't expect you to do things half-assed. That's not your style."

_But Cullen, you might have to do things half-assed. How the bloody hell are you supposed to do this the right way when you go to school with assholes like Rosalie and Lauren and Jessica? They will never acknowledge you and Bella being a thing._

_So where does that leave me?_

_I have no fucking idea. I guess it leaves me in the moment with Bella. And as long as I have Bella, nothing else matters. All of the other fuckers from FHS can kiss my ass. Right? Right. Good enough._

I made sure that all the sweat was off my palm before I returned my hand with Bella's. I entwined our fingers and squeezed her hand before briefly looking her in the eye. "I just...I think that, in efforts of keeping backlash to a minimum, we should probably...keep this quiet. For a little bit, you know? 'Cause I don't want anything happening again like what happened to Jasper at the Leap Year party. Does that make sense?"

She was quiet.

"Yeah, Shags. Makes sense." There was a sadness to her voice. I could feel her withdraw.

"Bella, I'm not trying to hurt you. Please understand that is the last thing I want to do." I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed.

"No, I get it, Shags." She pulled her hand from mine and looked out the window. "You don't want to damage your rep and stuff. Make things easy. I get it, really do."

I felt my stomach drop. "No, Bella, you really _don't_ get it. That's not what I was getting at, at all. Damage my rep? Fuck my rep, Bella. I want this to be the easiest on you." I asked to keep this all on the DL not because I was worried about my rep, but for other reasons. _Right?_

_Fuck that. You know your rep had a little to do with it._

"Shouldn't I be the one to decide that? To decide what is easiest or not? Admit, you'd shit bricks if I came up to you in the caff and stuck my tongue down your throat in front of your peeps."

_Okay, so my group of "friends" may have played into it a little bit. But more than anything, I wanted Bella to be safe. Wanted this to be easy on all parties involved._

"Please, Bella. Please understand," I begged. "I wouldn't be worried if you stuck your tongue down my throat. But I would be worried about what Rosalie would do."

"You think I can't take care of myself? I'm a big girl, Shags. Poppets like Rosalie don't bother me."

"I'm...I'm not saying that, either. Christ! Why the fuck isn't this coming out right?" I pulled the car over to the side of the road once more and put the car into park. Unbuckling my seat belt, I turned to face Bella. "Please, please don't take it the wrong way. I really like you, Bella, and I am not trying to screw this up at all."

"Then why do we have to keep this quiet, Shags?" She was silent a moment. "You're ashamed of me. Ashamed of what peeps would think if we were together."

"Ashamed? Fuck that, Bella. You know that isn't the case! I'm not fucking ashamed of you, okay?" I hit my hand on the dash of the car and reveled in the small amount of pain that was radiating through my hand.

"I think maybe you should just take me home, Shags. Or I can walk. Doesn't really matter. I shouldn't have gotten my hopes up. Things got too good... Good 'nuff to fuck, but not good 'nuff to be with."

"No, Bella. Please, don't," I pleaded, curling my hands into tight fists.

"Take me home, Shags," she whispered.

My shoulders slumped with defeat as I pulled a u-turn and headed back to Forks.

_Well, that was a God damn failure, Cullen. You are a pathetic loser for not being able to say "fuck you" to all the people in your life who don't matter. Cause you just lost the one person who did._

I tried to talk to Bella the whole way back to her house, but she wouldn't even look at me. I tried to touch her, but she shrugged away from my touch.

And to be honest, I wanted to die. Wanted to die, because I knew that I had screwed things up beyond repair with Bella.

The car ride home went by way too quickly. I honestly didn't want to bring Bella home. I quickly wished that I had kept on driving and refused to let her out of my sight. But then I quickly took that idea back, because even if I had Bella with me physically, it didn't mean that I would have her with me emotionally.

I turned onto her street, and Bella unbuckled her seat belt as soon as her house came into view. I could see that Jasper was standing on the porch, waiting for Bella.

_That is so weird that he was standing on the porch. It's like he knew that something was up._

I hadn't even gotten the car into park before Bella turned and hightailed it out of the car, leaving the car door open. She ran up to the house, ignoring Jasper as she quickly passed him. Jasper, in turn, turned to stare at me.

Jasper could obviously tell that I had upset Bella, and the look that he was giving me made my blood run cold. _Jasper is so going to kick my ass at school._

_And I don't care if he is going to kick my ass. I fucking deserve it._

_

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**E/N: Leave us some love, even if Edward doesn't deserve it right now! I'll send out a teaser for the next chapter :)**


	9. Asshats Swallowing their Pride

**A/N****: Welcome to _Little Fish, Big Fish_, a joint production between Paige Parkker (who writes Bella) and Michelle M Marie (who writes Edward)!**

**So sorry this took so long, folks. Had a bit of a beta issue, but things seem to be resolved now. HUGE thanks to imcarriej and TRDancer for making this chapter all pretty and beta-d. You guys are amazing!**

**Voting for the first round of the Twific Indie awards ends today! Go and vote for the stories that you love (LFBF was nominated, too!)!**

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**BPOV  
**"Oh, Bells-a-bub, what did he do to you? Did he hurt you? Are you okay? I'll fucking kill him if he hurt you."

I pulled Jazz around me tight. If he held onto everything, maybe it wouldn't fly to pieces like it threatened. Maybe my insides would stay on the inside and not shoot willy nilly into the universe. Maybe the pieces of my heart would stay together and not spill out into a bloody mess on the floor - atriums and ventricles everywhere. Maybe my universe wouldn't implode. The tears I couldn't help, big snotty sobs to water my sorrow. The blubbering shakes were to keep the action going. And who didn't love a blubbering snot factory?

"He wans me for hish secret. Notgood nuff for real. Jusfor preten," I managed to get out between sobs.

Jazz spooned me tighter, wiping away my tears and snot strings with his sleeve. "Little girl, I'm so sorry."

"Hurts, Jazz."

"I know, Bells-a-bub."

"Tighter."

The only person to have ever broken my heart like this was _Her_. But even that felt different. That was betrayal - cold and icy. That was suffocation and suffering and the nailing down of spirit. This was me puttin' all my beans on the table, handing them over, and havin' them squashed by a big-headed carnivorous giant. _She_ told me to take a chance, be free. Yeah, he wasn't like any other guy I had dated, and maybe that was why the attraction was there. Maybe that's why he made my blood sing. Grandmother Kicking Horse said that we find peeps that complement us, fill in parts that need balancing out. That was Shags. He was the anal retentiveness to my free spiritedness. My other half - like Jazz had Pixie. Maybe that's why it hurt like razorblades hidden in the grass.

Didn't know it was gunna hurt so bad.

Didn't know it was gunna make me feel broken.

The tears wouldn't stop 'till the well was empty. And when the well was empty there were just the shakes of a worn down system. If it wasn't for the Jazzomatic stabilizer, the system would have collapsed. I could feel every inch of his body wrapped around mine, providing heat and comfort. Peas in a pod.

"Wanna tell me about it, Bells-a-bub?"

"I called him, Jazz, to see if he wanted to hang. 'Cause you have your Pixie and he is my Pixie, right? So I fertilized my metaphysical balls with some Myrtle and dialled his digits. He wanted to hang, to show me some stuff he's been doin' at work."

"Asshole works?"

"Yeah, got a job over the summer. That's not the point, although it's cool that he was making his own universe, he just... he thought... he got bit by the green-eyed dragon cause he thought I was bumping uglies with dudes on our trip and I told him that wasn't the show that went down. He ... we ... made out a bit."

"Did he hurt you, Bells-a-bub?"

"Nah. I mean, I was into it, you know. He makes my insides melty, wet and hot. I would have ridden him in the car, but he stopped it. Said he didn't wanna cheapen shit. I was good with banging in the car, believe me. I woulda done it just 'bout anywhere at that point, but I guess Shags has some sorta hangup, some sorta rules about that shit. Are dudes like that, Jazz?"

"Some are, Bells-a-bub, some are." The hand he had wrapped under me made comforting circles on my abdomen, circling up toward my breasts. It felt like normal.

"Cat was outta the bag, right? So I wanted to know what happened next. I wasn't proposing marriage or nuthin', just wanted to know we made things work. Never been with someone like Shags. But he wanted to keep it on the down low. Never said it in so many words, but I'm no good for his rep."

Guess the well wasn't that dry 'cause the waterworks were turnin' back on. I could feel the fat drops trickle down my cheeks. Jazz pressed my body even closer to his and threw his leg over my own. I'd crawl inside if I could like Luke Skywalker in the skin of the Tauntaun.

"Too worried about what his peeps might say. Didn't think I could take care of myself. Didn't wanna put it out there for me."

Jazz wiped my tears and snotty nose. We were silent for a long time.

"How much more can I give, Jazz? I put it out there, give it all freely, and then godzilla."

"I'm here for you, Bells-a-bub, always and forever."

"I know, Jazzy. Just... I just ... just can't be Bambi anymore."

Jazz kissed the back of my head and softly sung our song to me. I didn't even notice when my eyes slipped shut.

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**EPOV  
**I would have rather cut off my cock and balls and thrown them into a pot of boiling water than go to my first day of senior year. Violently graphic? You bet your ass it was...but did it mean something that I would rather horribly disfigure myself than subject myself to the hell that was high school? I think it does.

I must have smoked at least two and a half packs of cigarettes that morning before I was able to finally jump in my car and drive to school. _Yeah, I was up at 4am, so the fuck what? I had some fucking brooding to do, and I needed the time to do it._

To be honest though, I didn't really sleep the night before. I was too distraught over the whole Bella fiasco. Bella and I were over before we really even began, and it pissed me off to no end knowing that it was my fault. It was my own God damn fault that Bella hates me_. But what the hell am I going to do about it, honestly?_

_Nothing, _I thought bitterly. _There is nothing that your stupid ass can do but sit back and watch the beautiful woman that you can only have if you are able to claim her in front of all of the people who you associate with. But since you are a pansy ass, that will never happen, so you will never have her._

Goddamn if my inner voice wasn't fucking right.

I had arrived at school a little early on that first day because I was so fucking bored with sitting around the house and waiting for the torture to hit me. Or, more like, waiting for Jasper to hit me.

_May as well just get it over with, right? _

I had the unfortunate luck of having Jessica and Lauren pull up and park right next to my car in the school parking lot only moments after I parked my own vehicle. _Looks like the sluts needed to get to school early to stake their whore territory, huh?_

"Edward! Oh my Lord! It has been _so_ long! I have missed you so much, baby," Jessica exclaimed, pulling me into a hug.

_Oh my God, she smells like a stripper vomited on her._

I uneasily returned the hug and patted Jessica's back to signify that it was time for her to let me go. The stupid bitch held on for a moment too long, so I had to use my arms to pry her off my body. As soon as I was able to get free from her grasp, I looked around to see if anyone saw our awkward embrace. I caught a glimpse of Bella standing over by her haphazardly parked hearse, and I hung my head in shame. I should have ducked when I saw that she was going to hug me. Instead, Bella got to see me get hugged by one of the school sluts, which will do wonders for my reputation in Bella's mind.

I had looked in Bella's direction for a second too long; Lauren picked up on it and scoffed. "Too fucking bad those freaks had to come back to school."

"Umhmm," I said, internally switching the comment to one about the two girls in front of me. _Too bad you fucking shallow minded sluts had to come back to school._

"I know what you mean," Jessica agreed. "I was kind of hoping that they would have just gone back to where they came from or something."

"No kidding. Leave Forks and go back to whatever fucking freak show town is responsible for making those ugly asses."

"Ugly doesn't even cover it," Jessica replied, running her fingernails up and down my bicep. I tried to shrug away from her touch but that only caused her to grip my arm harder. I yanked my arm away from her grasp and shuddered when I looked at the fingernail scratches she left on my skin.

_Stupid fucking bitch._

I closed my eyes and tried to drown out the bickering bitches that were standing next to me. The fact that I hadn't gotten much sleep the night before caused me to quickly drift off to a daydream.

It was Bella and I in my daydream, lying in the field behind my house surrounded by wildflowers. To my great joy, Bella and I were both shirtless. I could feel her skin touching my own bare skin, and the electric current that was jumping between the two of us was unbelievable. I looked at Bella and traced a flower around her naked breast right before I took her nipple into my mouth. Slowly and gently lapping at her tender skin, I reached my hand down to outline the top of her pants. Just as my fingers rested atop her pants zipper, Bella disappeared.

_I can't even have Bella in my fucking daydreams? This is bullshit._

I opened my eyes and chanced a glance over at Bella. She looked less Bella-y than normal, and the thought made my stomach churn.

_I am so sorry, Bella. Honestly. I am a dickhead, and I know it._

Bella looked more goth than I had ever seen her look. She was wearing a black, tattered tutu paired with thigh high boots. Her black t-shirt was topped with a zip-up hoodie and a scarf was holding back her beautiful hair. Dark sunglasses hid her eyes.

I imagined myself running up to Bella and taking her in my arms before capturing her mouth with my own. I then imagined a crowd gathering around us, laughing and pointing while we hugged each other close. The crowd that would gather wasn't what bothered me, wasn't what was keeping me away from sweeping Bella into my arms. What bothered me was that in my mind, after the crowd had gathered, Rosalie would eventually catch wind as to what happened and she would join the circle. Rosalie would walk up to us carrying a pair of scissors with her. I imagined her striding up to Bella and yanking her hair, which was now tied back with a scarf, and cutting off the part that was hanging away from her head.

I couldn't handle that idea. I couldn't handle the thought that Bella would be hurt simply because of her relationship with me. And true, Rosalie probably wouldn't react in such a "Jasper-esqe" way, but she sure as hell would do something to hurt Bella and me. And I wasn't going to be a cause of pain for Bella. _ No way, no fucking how._

XXX

I placed my lunch tray down on the table and stared at the empty space in front of me. It wasn't long before I was greeted by a scowling Rosalie.

"I miss Em," she whined, twirling a piece of hair around her slender finger. "I miss him a lot."

I rolled my eyes and shook my head. "I am sure that you miss him," I remarked, avoiding eye contact with the wench.

_At least you got to spend your fucking summer with him, you tramp. My family said goodbye to him right after graduation._

"Don't get pissy with me, Edward. It's not my fault that he wanted to spend his summer hanging out with me instead of you."

I narrowed my eyes and tried to avoid conflict as much as possible, which meant that I would have to scale it down just a bit. "Don't be a bitch, Rosalie. It's not very becoming on you."

_Oh fuck. It's really, really hard to be nice to Rosalie once Emmett is gone, isn't it?_

"Fuck you, Edward. Oh wait, you haven't gotten laid in a long ass time, have you? Oh, did I hit a sore spot? So sorry."

I clenched my jaw so hard that I saw stars. "My sex life is none of your fucking business."

"Sex life? Huh? What are you guys talking about?" Lauren asked, dropping her tray right next to mine.

"Nothing," I stated.

"Edward's sex life, or lack thereof," Rosalie replied.

"And like I said, nothing." I curled my hands into fists at my sides.

"Oh, Eddie. Want me to help you out of that 'nothing'?" Lauren cooed, placing her hand not-so-discretely on my penis.

I moved away from Lauren and down a seat at the lunch table. "No thanks, Lauren."

_Don't you get it, idiot? I don't want anything to do with you because I'm clearly only interested in Bella. But wait...you wouldn't understand that because I can't stand up for myself and set things right. So instead, I have to pretend that I want nothing to do with anyone because I can't have the one person that I do want._

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair before I focused on the uneaten lunch in front of me.

_What the fuck, Cullen! Your little "Bella dry spell" has been going on since...way too fucking long. Go get yourself laid, because Bella ain't coming back. What you are doing here right now is what we like to call "wishful thinking", got it? You are torturing yourself for nothing. Nothing!_

I almost laughed at my pathetic inner voice. No matter how much I wished that I could just go out and fuck someone, I wouldn't be able to. I couldn't just...settle anymore. Not when I had Bella.

I shook my head. _You can't keep thinking about this! You are doing yourself no fucking good thinking about Bella over and over and over again._

I picked up my untouched tray of food and started to walk away from the table, intent on having a cigarette instead of eating. A hand reached up to stop me before I was able to throw my food in the garbage.

"What the fuck, Cullen? Where are you going?" Mike questioned, raising an eyebrow.

I looked at Mike amusingly, having not noticed that he or any other person had joined the lunch table. _Good God, your sleep deprivation is really fucking you up._

"Gotta go have a smoke, man. Going through nicotine withdrawls." _Going through Bella withdrawls._

"Ahhh," Mike said, winking at me. "Need a 'smoke', huh?"

"Yep," I drawled, shoving my hands in my pockets. "I need an _actual_ smoke. No innuendo here." I turned and threw my food away and started walking to the side door.

"Since when does Edward Cullen not do innuendo, man?" Mike called after me, laughing.

I ignored his comment and kept walking. _Since when, huh? Edward Cullen doesn't do innuendo since he realized that he was a fucking douchebag, that's when._

I reached the side door to the school and quietly stepped out, not wanting to draw any attention to myself because I didn't want to get in trouble for smoking on school property on the first damn day.

_Well, they could try to get me in trouble for smoking, but I would get out of it somehow...I always do._

I rounded the corner of the building and started walking back by the forest behind the school when I stopped dead in my tracks.

There in front of me, were Bella and Jasper.

The sight of Bella, regardless of whether or not she was with Jasper, took my breath away. I wanted to reach out to her, to comfort her, to sooth her, but I knew I couldn't. _Because you are probably the reason why she is so upset, dickweed._

Bella was in Jasper's care right now; she was sitting on his lap, leaning into him. She looked terribly distraught, and for the first time, I was truly grateful for Jasper's presence in Bella's life. After the initial shock wore off from seeing Bella and Jasper, I realized that if Bella looked up, she would notice me. And I didn't want her to see me, at all. Ducking behind a bush, I got myself out of Bella's possible sight...but not before Jasper caught a glimpse of me.

To say that he was glaring daggers at me would be a gross understatement. I had honestly never seen anyone that mad at a single person my entire life. The look that Emmett gave me when I broke his CD player or ratted him out when he threw his first party when he was thirteen didn't even touch the look that Jasper was giving me right now.

_Fuck._

I quietly lit my cigarette and smoked it, tapping my foot noiselessly and anxiously as I inhaled and exhaled.

_Jasper is totally going to kick my ass. And I am going to let him do it, too._

While I had originally planned on spending my remaining lunch break outside, I decided that since Bella was in such close proximity to me, that I may as well head back inside. Sighing and quietly stamping out my cigarette, I stealthily headed back to the cafeteria.

Re-entering the cafeteria, I went and sat back down at my table. I easily spotted where Bella and Jasper would have been seated, and caught the sight of Alice perched precariously next to two empty seats. Alice caught me looking at her and glared at me. I mean, she fucking _glared _at me. My balls shrank back into my body when I remembered the force that she used to hit Rosalie last semester. _Yep, I am definitely in trouble; because Jasper isn't the only person who is going to kick my ass._

I walked to my table with my head down and sat in the only open seat, which happened to be between Tyler and Lauren. Lauren squealed when she spotted me and leaped forward, latching herself onto my arm. I fought the urge to cringe before I turned to Tyler and plastered on the most genuine smile I could muster up.

"Hey man, how are you?" Tyler asked, brushing his hands on his pants. "How is your course load?"

"I'm fine, just hating the fact that school is back in session." _Understatement of the century. _"My course load seems to be fine; it's just a bunch of random classes that I had to take to fill up my time."

"Oh yeah? Like, what kind of classes?"

I furrowed my brow as I tried to remember my schedule. I hadn't taken much time looking at it, because frankly, I didn't give a fuck about my stupid course load. "Ummm...I think that my next class is something called 'media class'? Something like that?" I shrugged.

Tyler started laughing and clapped me on the back. "Media class? You know who will be in that fucking loser class, don't you?" I looked over to Lauren, who was also laughing.

I pursed my lips. "Uhhh...no?" _Think, Cullen! Who the fuck would be in a media class? Media class...is an...art class? Yeah, that sounds right. And who would be in an..._

_Oh fuck._

_Oh, FUCK!_

I leaned forward and banged my head a couple of times on the lunch table. My actions caused everyone else to look up at me and stare, probably because the _thump _sound that my head made as it connected with the table was quite loud. Alice even turned her glare back over to me, as I was clearly in the spotlight at that moment in time.

All of the attention that my actions had gained only caused Lauren and Tyler to laugh harder. "Didn't think the course load through, huh? Obviously fucking not!" Tyler exclaimed, fist bumping Lauren before slapping me on the back again.

_Fucking fist bump. I could really kill you, Tyler. Seriously._

I shook my head. _Get your head out of your ass, Cullen! You have more important things to think about other than the fact that Tyler just did another fist bump. You know, things like the fact that Isabella Swan is most likely going to be in your next fucking class._

"Ha ha! E, how does it feel knowing that you will be taking a class with a bunch of fucked up drug addicts? That, like, all sleep with each other and stuff?" Lauren cackled.

"Because they all participate in orgies and shit, they probably all share herpes or something like that. I mean, damn, I wouldn't touch Swan's pussy with a ten-foot-long pole. The whole group of them smell so bad, I'm sure her vag stinks too," Tyler said backhandedly.

_Bella is nothing like what any of these assholes say she is. If they only knew how much I have sacrificed...and now I am surrounded by shallow-minded assholes who are making fun of the only thing that I care about._

It was at that moment that I felt my lack of sleep and lack of proper nutrition come crashing down on me. Add a pack of smoked cigarettes to the mix, and I had become unbelievably nauseous.

Politely (for the first damn time in my life) excusing myself from the table, I quickly walked over to the bathroom, fearing that I could possibly be sick at any moment. But luckily for me, nothing happened. Instead, I felt my stomach settle as I pushed the door to the bathroom open. I made my way over to the sink and turned the water on cold and turned the tap up to full tilt before I splashed some water on my face.

I peered into the mirror and scowled at the reflection I saw staring back at me. My eyes were bloodshot, my lips were chapped and colorless, and my skin was red and blotchy.

_I look like shit. And I really have to stop smoking so much before I start looking like the fucking crypt keeper._

I pulled my hands into fists and cracked a few of my knuckles. _You are a fucking mess, Cullen. How the hell are you going to get yourself out of this?_

I could think of one way that I would be able to _start_ to figure my way out of this mess.

_Esme._

I shuddered, just knowing the night that I would have ahead of me. But first I had to secure my plans with my overly busy mother, so as I walked out of the bathroom, I pulled out my phone and hit the speed dial before I lifted the phone to my ear.

"Hello! Edward! To what do I owe the pleasure?" There was a short pause. "Oh shit, you are in school right now. Or you better be, mister! So help me..."

"I'm in school, calm down before you have a heart attack or something." I laughed and ran my hand over my face. "I was just wondering if you were available tonight?"

"Of course, baby. I will re-arrange my schedule and take you out to dinner. How does that sound?"

_How does that sound? It sounds fucking pathetic. Go out to dinner, just the two of us? Like on a date with my own mother? No thank you._

"Uhhh...I would rather that we stay in tonight." I hesitated, hoping that I didn't hurt Esme's feelings. "That is, if it's fine with you?"

"Yes, Edward. It's perfectly fine with me. What is it that you..."

"I have to go, Mom. Class, you know? I'll talk to you when I get home."

She agreed and hung up. Before I placed my phone in my pocket, I chanced a glance at the time.

_Fuck. Time for my fucking media class._

Knowing that I was going to be late for class regardless, I decided to step out for a quick smoke. I needed to decompress before I went to class and a good dose of nicotine was the only way that I could think about doing it. Drawing out the time that it took me to smoke the cigarette for as long as I possibly could, I sighed heavily before I put my cigarette out and turned to head back inside.

The entire walk to class, I dreaded the rest of my day. Dreaded seeing Bella, dreaded getting my ass kicked by Jasper, and dreaded _letting_ Jasper kick my ass.

I pushed the door to the Media classroom open and took inventory of the open seats in the classroom.

It seems as though the arts had gained quite a following in Forks, because the classroom was so full that the only seat open was the one right next to Isabella Swan.

_Fuck my luck._

I walked over to the open seat and sat down.

"Alright class. Now that Mr. Cullen has decided to _grace_ us with his presence, we can start," Mr. Marcus, the teacher for the class, said pointedly, turning to his desk to grab a stack of syllabuses to hand out.

I paid no attention to Mr. Marcus as he started handing out papers and talking to the class. Instead, my attention was trained on the beautiful woman sitting next to me.

I straightened up in my seat and ran a hand through my hair before I leaned closer to Bella to see if I could smell her.

_You are all levels of fucked up, Cullen. I hope that you are enjoying the fact that you were able to get a whiff of patchouli._

I had to adjust the growing evidence in my pants that had proved just how much I enjoyed catching Bella's scent. _How is it possible that one woman has such power over you? This is getting fucking ridiculous._

My attention snapped to the front of the room once again. I saw Mr. Marcus' mouth moving, but caught no words as I assumed he continued to talk about our upcoming semester in media class. I swear, the only sounds were Bella and me breathing… her dainty breaths versus my ragged, trying-to-calm-a-boner gasps.

My eyes carefully wandered back over to Bella, who was now drawing on the syllabus that was handed to her. Now, I am no stranger to Bella's doodles, but the ones that I saw scattered across her page today bothered me to the nth degree. They were depressing, dark, and a little fucking frightening. The characters on her page seemed to be in some sort of ominous danger, and more than one of them had what appeared to be a noose around their neck. Adjusting myself so I could carefully move closer to Bella, I noticed that the characters in her doodles that had nooses around their necks were not multiple different characters, but one character that had been repeated a few times in the drawings.

_Oh, Bella. I am so sorry that I have caused you to draw things like this instead of your normal, less depressing drawings._

I felt someone tap me on the back. I turned around to be met face to face with Jacob Black, who looked to be fucking growling at me. My brow furrowed, as if to question why I was patted on the back by Jacob. A clipboard was passed up to me, and I took it with questions still written all over my face.

"Permanent seating chart, assfuck. Pay fucking attention," Jacob sneered.

I turned the chart and noticed that my fellow classmates had written down their current location on the seating chart, indicating that where everyone sat now would be their permanent seat in the class.

_That means that you will be sitting by Bella during the entirety of the class. Every day, after lunch, you will be tortured by the sight and smell and sound of the beautiful and perfect Isabella Swan. So, maybe being late for class today was a bad idea. Because I am not sure if I will be able to sit next to Bella for another semester without being able to touch her. I will fucking die. I have to start making this bearable, some way or another. Cause things can't stay this way. I am simply not strong enough._

"Psssssst! Bells! Bells!" Jacob whispered, tossing a scrunched up piece of paper at Bella while Mr. Marcus had his back turned to the class.

Bella looked back to see who had thrown the paper and smiled when she saw Jacob.

_Are you kidding me? She will look at this douchwad but not me? For fucking real? And she smiled at him. Fucking _smiled _at him. This is fucking bullshit._

"What are you doing tonight?" he whispered.

"Hangin' with Jazz and Pixie. Why?" she whispered back.

Mr. Marcus turned around to see who was chatting. Bella and Jacob looked straight ahead. Mr. Marcus turned back to the board.

I, instead, turned to look right at Bella. I was still staring at her when she turned back to look at Jacob, ignoring me as though I did not exist.

Jacob leaned forward. "You wanna go to the movies with me tonight?" he whispered.

"Yeah, sure, Jake. What are we gunna see?" she whispered back.

Jacob shrugged. "Whatever. Grab some food before?"

My jaw clenched and my hands balled up into fists. It took all of my energy to not turn and punch Jacob square in the fucking nose a la Alice Brandon style.

_This is fucking bullshit. Bella is fucking MINE. Hands off, fucker._

But the fact was, Bella was not mine. Will never be mine, and she is free to do what she wants. _Fuck, fuck, fuck._

"MR. BLACK! Is there a reason you are disrupting my class?"

"S'ok Mr. Marcus," Bella answered, "Jake was just asking if I wanted to go to the movies. I'm cool with going. We would have said it louder, but we didn't think you'd be up for joining us. I'm sure there's some retarded rule about going to the movies with your students. The man gettin' ya down again."

I felt my stomach drop to the floor. Sure, she may have invited the fucking teacher along on her fucking date, but she was still going on a fucking date.

_A day after all of this shit went down, and Bella is going on a date? A fucking date?? I fucking hate my life._

_...But more than that, I hate myself for not being able to take her on a date myself.  
_  
I chanced another look at Bella, and she avoided my stare once again. _Of course. She will look at a fucking loser but avoid the shit out of you._

"Well, thank you for the 'sort of' invitation, Ms. Swan, but if you and Mr. Black could arrange your social calendars outside of my class, I would greatly appreciate it."

"Sure thing, Mr. Marcus."

As Mr. Marcus turned back to the board, she looked back and gave the thumbs-up to Jacob, and then returned to her doodles.

Behind me I could hear that fucker murmur, "Hope she tastes as good as she looks."

I fucking saw red. _No way in fucking hell -- over my dead body -- will this fuckface ever learn what Bella tastes like._

I couldn't handle it anymore. Sitting at my desk and doing nothing was making me fucking antsy, so I leaned over to Bella and opened my mouth.

"Hey, Bella," I whispered. "I have a question for you."

"You gunna be cool with me in front of your peeps?" she asked without looking at me. Her voice was sad, like she already knew what I was going to say.

I wanted to say yes. I wanted to say that no one else matters, that I would be with her, FHS and Rosalie be damned. _ In short, I wanted to lie to Bella._

Instead I frowned and felt my face warm up. "But Bella, please..."

"Then I don't have answers for you, Shags."

I nodded stoically and gathered my books and stood to leave. Yeah, class wasn't done yet, but I wasn't going to sit there and watch Bella give in to the advances of Jacob.

"Mr Cullen?" Mr. Marcus called out to me just before I reached the door to the classroom.

"I have a pass," I lied, not even bothering to look back at him.

I walked to my car, anxious to get the fuck away from the worst beginning of a school year I had ever seen. I scowled at the FHS sign as I pulled out of the parking lot, and drew a hand through my hair.

_You've made your bed, Cullen. Now lie in it._

_

* * *

_**BPOV  
**As soon as he left, I let out the truckload of breath that I had been holding in. It ached seeing him. It hurt. But I wanted nothing more than to climb on his lap and spill my guts to him. But I wasn't gunna be Bambi no more. I was a strong woman and didn't need to be anybody's dirty secret. Dirty secrets were best left under the bed with the sock witness protection program. Sneaking about was oppression of the worst kind. Well, except when it came to certain things like Myrtle or other not so technically legal substances. But that wasn't the point. If he didn't have the balls to accept me in front of his friends, fuck him. This chick of freedom needed a dude of awesomeness that wouldn't bind or chafe.

I looked at my doodles, my mother over and over again. _I tried, Momma and he just couldn't meet me there. What happens now, Momma? What happens to my soul?_

Jacob's movie offer would be a great distraction. Jacob was a rock, unmoving earth that provided consistency to nature. He wasn't hard to look at either with his long black hair and russet coloured skin. A girl could get lost in his nearly black eyes. Even Jazz thought so. There were no tinglies though. I think Jacob wished there were tinglies, but you can't have your blood sing with everyone. He was a wicked awesome peep to hang with AND a fucktastic artist. Dude worked metal like a medieval superstar. Did it all old fashion too with fire and big hammers and all that shit. My very own god of fire. Every girl needed one of those.

It was good that Jacob was in this class. At least I'd have a comfortable peep to work with.

**

* * *

EPOV**  
"Esme! Es! Where the fuck are you?"

"In here. Hold on a sweet second, you impatient child!"

I followed the sound of Esme's voice and found my mother in her office, sitting cross-legged on top of her desk.

In truth, her office wasn't really an office, but a library. It was simply a room surrounded by book shelves, flanked by an elaborate fireplace. The only thing that made Esme's office an actual office was her desk, which was this huge mahogany piece that would look chunky and out of place if it were not for the wing back chairs that were placed on both sides of the fireplace. The only items on her desk were her state of the art computer and the telephone that she was currently talking on.

I looked up at my mother and she held up one finger while mouthing the words "One moment."

I nodded, walked over by the fireplace, and sat down in one of the chairs.

I stared at the fire that Esme had lit in the fireplace. _Cause you know, it makes sense to have a fire burning during the month of September when the central air is turned on._ I sat by the fire for a few more moments, thinking about the waste of energy to build a fire in such a warm month, when my mother brought me out of my daydreams, by sitting down in the chair next to me.

She stared at the flames of the fire before speaking. "So, should I be worried that you clearly skipped the last half of your first day of school, Edward?"

I shrugged uncomfortably. "I don't think so. I will try not to make it a normal occurrence, Esme."

"Well, as long as you understand that it was a poor choice to make. You know, considering the fact that you aren't ill or anything, you should still probably be at school right now, baby."

I nodded, and Esme stood up and moved her chair closer to mine. She sat down, straightened out her shirt, and bit her lip.

"Okay, so are you going to tell me what has been bothering you for so long?"

I took a deep breath and closed my eyes.

"Edward, I know you. When you called me earlier, you needed something." Esme played with the ends of her hair and sighed. "So either you can talk to me about it now or continue dancing around the subject. Either way, I want you to do whatever is going to make you the happiest. Because," she paused, "I haven't seen you happy in a long time."

Because my mother's chair was now incredibly close to my own, I reached out and grabbed her hand.

_Yeah, I am a Momma's boy. So the fuck what?_

"Es, I'm sorry. It's just...I got myself into a really fucking shitty situation."

I heard my mother audibly gulp as she processed what I said. "Edward," she hedged as she squeezed my hand, "you...you haven't gotten anyone pregnant, have you?"

I let out a loud breath. "No, mother. It's nothing like that."

She stopped squeezing my hand with her death grip and instead patted my palm. "You don't have an STD, right?"

"Goddamn it, Esme. This has nothing to do with sexual activity."

She smiled and let go of my hand and leaned back in her chair. "And...you aren't batting for the other team, right? I mean, it's okay if you are, baby, I just..."

"Fuck," I said, running my hand over my face. "We have already covered this. I. Am. Not. Gay. Okay? Can you please stop asking me if I am? It's getting annoying."

"I'm sorry, baby. Just trying to make this easier on you. You know, you seemed stuck. I thought if I was able to fill in some blanks, you would be able to talk a little more freely."

"I want to talk about it; it's just...hard to explain."

"I understand. Take your time." Esme gave me a weak smile that let me know that she would wait as long as it took for me to talk to her about it.

_What the fuck, man. Just spit it out already. _"This...this is about a girl, Esme. A girl that I fucking like more than anything and have just...I can't have her. And I am miserable over it."

Esme eyed me carefully. "Why can't you have her, Edward?"

"It's...it's complicated."

"It always is, dear."

I let out a long breath and cracked one of my knuckles. "I'm in high school, and this kind of relationship isn't something that would work out."

"How so?" Esme questioned. "If you like her enough, anything can work out. You are a bright child. Surely you can see this?"

"It's not that easy, Mom."

She pursed her lips. "Edward, unless this girl is terminally ill or something along those lines, your relationship can work out. Wait...she isn't dying, right? Or...fuck, she isn't an under-aged child, is she? That wouldn't..."

"No, Esme. I am not in love with a child. And while I am at it, I may as well tell you that Bella is not terminally ill, either."

My mother let out a breath that I did not know she was holding before awareness flashed behind her eyes. "Bella, Edward? As in, Bella Swan?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Huh," my mom said, squinting her eyes. "Yeah, I can see it. Oh yeah," she leaned closer to me, "I can _definitely _see it!"

My mother excitedly clapped her hands. I rolled my eyes.

"What?" My mother questioned. "Can I not be excited for my son? I mean, Bella seems like such a wonderful young lady, and so talented too. I just _knew _something was going on in the art gallery that night..."

"Esme," I sighed, "please stop that train of thought, okay?"

"Oooh!" She exclaimed. "I bet that's why you really liked that one photo of hers! Maybe I should take that away from you before you get raw or somethin'..."

"ESME. STOP. Seriously. I don't ever, and I mean EVER, want to have this kind of conversation with you. It's just...fuck. Beyond fucking twisted."

I swear my mom blushed. "Yeah, sorry about that. But I mean holy crap. Bella Swan!"

"Yeah, Bella Swan. The most amazing girl that I can...I can never have. So..."

"Why can't you have her? I am still confused on that part."

_Hmmmm...how do I word this? Should I just be blunt, or should I slowly introduce Esme to the fact that high schoolers are cruel?_

"Bella and I...Bella and I are different, Mom."

"Yeah, I figured as much. So what? She seems like an amazing woman, she will keep you on your toes. And from what I can remember from the art gallery, she seems to like you just as much as you like her. Come on, Edward. Spit it out. What's the problem between you and Bella? Is it that hot guy with the dreads that she photographed? I could see if he was a problem for you."

"No, Jasper isn't really a problem. I mean, the fact that he wants to kick my ass is kind of a problem, but other than that..."

"Edward," my mother accused in a tone meant to show her disapproval. "Why would this Jasper character want to kick your ass?"

"The truth?" I asked, running a hand across my face yet again.

"Yes, the truth, always the truth."

"I, uh… I hurt Bella's feelings."

"I figured you did something stupid along those lines. What did you do, Edward? Truth."

_Fuck. _"I asked her to keep our relationship kind of quiet."

Esme raised her eyebrows. "You asked her to stay a secret? Like, stay your dirty little secret? Edward..."

"I know, it sounds bad. But that was not my intention, mom."

"I don't see a reason for keeping your relationship a secret. There is nothing that is okay with this situation, baby."

"Yeah, but..." I knew that I was losing this battle. No matter what way I sliced it, it looked bad. _Bella should be fucking rejoiced, not kept quiet about. Even Esme can see that._

"But what, Edward? Maybe if you explained it to me I could help you figure out how to get you out of this mess."

"Yeah, I know. It's just...so fucked up. She obviously didn't want to keep it a secret, so now she doesn't want anything to do with me. And I don't even know what I am doing anymore."

Esme nodded, as though she knew what I was talking about. _But she doesn't know. Has no fucking idea how fucked up this mess is._

"You know what? Fuck it. The reason I can't be with her is because we come from two different groups at school and I don't want Bella to get hurt because of me."

Esme's brows furrowed. "I don't get it. You guys aren't Romeo and Juliet, Edward. Bella's life won't be in peril if you guys are together."

I scoffed at her comment. "You don't know Rosalie, then."

"Oh, but I do know Rosalie, Edward. I know how much of an evil little bitch that one is. I wouldn't let her dictate the way that I live my life, baby, because she is just a snotty little insignificant girl. So why are you trying to pin this on her?"

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "Because she is a monstrous bitch when it comes to Bella. Rosalie hates Bella, Esme. You may know that Rose is a bitch, but you have no idea how horrible she truly is, because you have always seen her with some kind of 'lesser of a bitch' mask on. She would torture Bella if Bella and I were together."

"Would the torturing be worth it, Edward?"

"I...I don't know."

My mother looked at me with sad eyes. "Then baby, you don't deserve Bella."

"Fuck that, Esme. I am doing this for her own good, can't you see that?"

"I think you should let her decide what is good for her and what is not. And no, absolutely not, I have no idea why you think Rosalie would torture Bella."

_Of course you don't understand. _"Because Rosalie hates Bella. She would do anything to fuck with her."

"Why are you so stuck on the fact that Rosalie hates Bella and that she is willing to hurt her?"

"Because, at the Leap Year party that Emmett and I threw..."

"You and Emmett did _what?!?_" Esme let go of my hand and stared at me in disgust.

"Ah, yeah, kind of forgot to tell you about that, huh?" I shrugged and tried to put on my most charming smile, the one that Esme always falls for. Looks like she wasn't buying it this time.

"Edward Anthony! I told you that if you were going to have a party in my house, that you had to inform me about it! Goddamn it, something really terrible could have happened."

"I feel like something really terrible _did_ happen, Es." I ran a hand through my hair.

"Like what? Wait, do I even want to know?" The vein in Esme's forehead that only protruded when she is really fucking pissed off was sticking out like I have never seen it do before.

"Jasper, Bella's best friend, the one with the dreadlocks? Rosalie tortured him, held him down and cut off his dreadlocks. Bella had to give Jasper some of her hair because she felt so badly about it."

"So, something happened to Jasper, and not Bella?"

"Yeah, if you put it that way." _Someone would be dead if anyone had touched Bella that night._

"So why do you think something would happen to Bella?"

"Because...Rosalie is an evil bitch. I can see her doing something like that to Bella."

"I still don't see it, Edward. You would be watching Bella like a hawk if you were with her, baby. Are...are you sure that this doesn't have to do with anything else?"

I frowned. "Like what, Esme?"

"I have never seen you 'go steady' with a woman before. Are you sure that you aren't afraid of what would happen to your reputation?"

"Fuck," I exclaimed, standing up from my chair. "Why does everyone keep asking me that?"

"Because it's a legitimate question, baby. And one, may I add, that you seem a touch too defensive over."

I bit the inside of my cheek. "I mean, it's not my reputation, per se..."

"Edward Cullen!" My mother joined me and stood up. As soon as she was face to face with me, she rapped me alongside the head. "I...I raised you better than that, you little asshole!"

"Mom, listen! For one second, okay?" I rubbed the side of my head that Esme had hit. _Damn, that fucking hurt. Woman's got an arm!_

"Absolutely not, Edward. _You _listen to _me _for a second, got it?"

I nodded, a little scared that she was gonna hit me again.

"You basically just told me that you want to keep a secret relationship with a woman because you don't want her to ruin your reputation. I will tell you one thing, Edward. Your reputation in high school means _jack shit_ in the real world, okay? So whatever you have with this Bella Swan, hold on to it, regardless of what your little high school cronies think."

I tried to open my mouth, but Esme put her hand across my face before I could. "No, Edward. You have to hear this, okay?"

I nodded but gave her a suspicious eye. She motioned for me to sit down again, and I complied.

"Baby, I love you more than anything. I really, really do. And I wouldn't say that I have been worried about you socially, but I kind of have been a little cautious about the relationships that you have built here in Forks.

"Honestly, if I had my way, I would have moved you away from here. This environment is fucking tainted, as evidenced by the fact that your sweet big brother has been seduced by the devil lady herself."

I stifled the urge to laugh, and Esme frowned at me.

"And, as evidenced by the fact that my baby boy is too afraid of what other people think to follow his heart."

"Esme..."

"I know, I know. It's corny, but true. I hope you see that."

I felt my shoulders stiffen. "I do see it, Esme. I feel so wrong about all of this, really, I do. I care deeply about Bella, but I am so afraid..."

"Stop being afraid, Edward. The only thing that you have to be afraid of is the fact that her father is the chief of Police. Oh, and the fact that she has a member of the opposite sex hottie for a best friend."

"How can I stop? There is no way that I can get out of my head, Esme."

"How can you stop? Get in the right, Edward. Right now you are so far wrong, there is nothing that you are doing that is right."

I sighed, fucking exhausted. "Okay, Mom, tell me how to get in the right."

"Seriously?" she laughed a sarcastically. "Men. You all think the same, don't you?"

I rolled my eyes.

"Babe, you have to tell Bella you are sorry. Tell her she won't be a secret."

"But..." _It's not as easy as you say it is._

"But what? It isn't that simple? Oh, but baby, it is. Remind yourself who matters and who doesn't, and the answers to your problems are as plain as day."

"But..." _Goddamn it! You have no fucking idea!_

"Edward, how did you treat your father when you informed him that you decided to work as a grunt on a construction site?"

_Easy. _"I told him to fuck off."

"Yeah, you basically did, didn't you? So if it was so easy to tell your flesh and blood to fuck off regarding a decision that you made about your life, how is it not as equally as easy to tell people that you don't like, people you consider sheep, the same thing?"

_Uhhh... _"Because Carlisle is Carlisle."

"Yeah, and Rosalie is Rosalie. Who cares?"

_Huh. I guess, when you put it that way, it does make sense, doesn't it? I just don't want the backlash to be too much or too crazy. I don't want Bella's life -- or my own -- to change dramatically for the worse._

"I just...what if this causes some backlash? What if I don't make captain of the football team? What if my teammates rebel and I get kicked off the team or something equally as fucked up?"

Esme reached her hand out and grabbed my own. "What if, what if, what if? Baby, you can't worry about all of that. That kind of stuff is out of your hands, anyways. And besides, who gives a flying fuck if you get kicked off Forks High football team?"

That caught me by surprise. "I...I thought that you would."

"Edward, I just want you happy. Football isn't doing that for you right now." She patted my arm. "I raised you right, sweetie. I know you can fix this mess that you got yourself into. I have complete and utter faith in you."

_At least you have faith in me._

Esme looked at me with a sad smile, as though she could read my mind. "Take your time with Bella, baby. Do it your way; do it the right way. And remember, I am here if you need me." Giving my arm one last squeeze, she turned to walk away.

I watched as Esme quietly padded over to her desk and turned on her computer. "I'll just be over here, honey. I am expecting a call from my editor soon; please stay in the room as long as you want, okay?"

I nodded and turned back to watch the dwindling fire in front of me.

_So...Esme confirmed what you thought all along but were too pussy to admit it. Now what the fuck are you going to do? You might be too late...Jacob fucking Black has already moved in on your fucking territory. What if Bella doesn't want you? What if she wants Jacob now? What would you do then? You didn't even tell Esme about that. So what is your strategy now?_

_I am man enough to admit that I have no fucking idea._

But I am pretty sure that if she likes Black now, he won't live to see another Goddamned day. 'Cause I can't stand the thought of her with him.

XXX

I wandered to my room a few moments after Esme's editor called her, my head swimming with the idea of Bella going on her movie date with Jacob. I was so pissed off about that situation that I tossed myself carelessly on my bed.

_How did I fuck up things so terribly? _

I looked over at the picture of Bella that I still hadn't hung up on my wall. _My God, that woman is so fucking beautiful._

_And there is no way that I will be able to stand myself if I lose her._

With that, I impulsively picked up my phone and dialed Bella. I didn't really expect Bella to answer the phone. I mean, shit; I wouldn't answer the phone if the situation were the other way around.

_Who the fuck are you kidding? Of course you would answer the phone if it was Bella calling._

After the fifth ring the phone picked up.

"You have some fucking nerve calling her, asshole," Jasper spit out.

_Well, that's a fucking surprise. Didn't see Jasper answering the phone. Okay, Edward, there are two ways this could go. Either I am a dick to Jasper, and Jasper kicks my ass later; or I grovel, and Jasper kicks my ass later. As much as I would like for my ass _not _to get kicked, I am pretty sure there is no way around it. And since Jasper is Bella's best friend, if I don't grovel like I should, there is no way that I can expect Bella to ever forgive me._

"I know, Jasper, and I am sorry. Is...is Bella there?" _That's it, Edward. Start out slow._

"Do you think I would let you talk to her? After you ripped out her heart and pissed down her throat?"

"I know that I fucked up, Jasper. Worse than fucked up, really. And I want to apologize to her; I want to start trying to make this right."

"That girl is the real deal, my friend. She doesn't do shit half way and you threw it all back in her face. And for what? Your fucking friends? You lost out dude - on the most amazing girl with the tightest body."

Jasper's last comment knocked the wind out of me. I struggled to keep my voice even, and I felt my previously calm facade fall. "I...I know. I want to make it right..." I could barely keep my voice calm, but images of Jasper and Bella naked together kept clouding up my thoughts.

"Dude, I don't know if you can."

I felt myself get unbelievably morose. "I don't know if I can, either." I took a deep breath and let it out. "But I gotta try."

_Goddamn, you sound like a fucking pussy._

_But that's what Bella does to you._

"You get one more chance, asshole. But know that I will be watching every single move you make. You hurt my girl, and I will fucking crush you. Do you hear me, douchebag? One tear, one sob comes outta my Bella because of you? You better start runnin'"

"Yeah, no. I'd expect nothing less, man."

If I caused Bella any more pain, I would fucking deserve for Jasper to kick my ass.

_You probably still deserve for Jasper to kick your ass._

"I'll tell Bella you called, but it will be her decision whether she talks to you or not."

I cringed, the idea of Bella not returning my call making me sick to my stomach. "Hey, Jasper? Can you tell her that I changed my mind, and that I'm not giving up? I guess that's...that's all I wanted to say."

"Listen, I'm not telling her shit. I'll tell her you called - that's it. I'm not going to make it easy for you."

"Fine," I said, a little fucking frustrated. "Uh, is there a time that you are expecting her back? Like, able to answer the phone?"

"I dunno. She's out with Jacob at the movies. Like I said, I'll let her know you called. It will be up to her if she wants to call you back."

_Fuck, fuck, shit, fuck. Little asshole is definitely not making this any easier on me. And he just _had_ to throw in the little tidbit about Bella being at the movies with Jacob, didn't he?_

For some reason I couldn't fucking blame him.

I gritted my teeth and closed my eyes in frustration. "Yeah, okay, I get that. Thanks, uh... thanks for taking the call."

I am pretty sure that I sounded like a pussy-whipped vag on the phone with Jasper, but I didn't give a fuck.

_That's probably because you are a pussy-whipped vag._

"Whatever, asshole. Just remember what I said."

Jasper hung up.

_Of course he hung up, you tool. What was he going to do, wait for you to apologize profusely for existing? He has better shit to do with his life._

But now, somehow, I am going to have to sit and wait for Bella to return my phone call.

_I have to keep my ass busy, keep my mind off the phone call that I am waiting for._

I laid back on my bed and looked at the ceiling for awhile.

I rolled on to the floor and did some push-ups.

And then I did some crunches.

And then I organized my desk drawers.

Then I went digging through my closet, looking for a fantastic shirt that I swear the housekeeper either purposely lost or threw away or gave away.

_Not that I could blame her, I mean, I am a fucking asshole to her sometimes. I think I am going to thank my father for that little inherited trait._

By the time I rearranged my CD collection -- having finally admitted that my last system of arranging the CD's according to year and type of music was fucking stupid -- my heart felt heavy.

I looked up at the clock, and a short glance at the time confirmed my suspicions.

_Bella isn't going to call me back._

_

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_**E/N: Leave us some love, please :) My poor little rejected pansyward is weeping because he already feels unloved as it is...LOL**_  
_


	10. Art Will Bring Them Together

**A/N: Welcome to the joint production "Little Fish, Big Fish"! Bella is written by the gorgeous and talented Paige Parkker (link to her profile in my profile) and Edward is written by me, Michelle M Marie.**

**Although neither of us own Twilight or any related characters, we do own this crazy ass plot. You know, come to think of it…Edward is lucky we don't own him. I don't know if cannon Edward would be into BDSM… :)**

**One of our wonderful readers started a thread for this story on Twilighted. We would love if you would go there and play! Paige and I will leave fucking sweet teasers… **www (dot)twilighted (dot)net/forum/viewtopic (dot)php?f=44&t=7505

Thank you to those of you who leave reviews or have this story on alert/favorites. You all are wonderful! As wonderful as gummy worms, seriously.

* * *

**EPOV  
**  
I wasn't able to sleep much that night, so when I woke up the next morning, I was beyond groggy and in no shape to communicate with humans. If I had half a sense left in me, I would have informed Esme that I was taking a mental health day and skipped school. But because I was clearly a dim witted masochist, I dragged my ass out of the bed that I did not sleep in and threw myself into the shower.

It was then, while in the shower, that I realized I had missed football practice the night before.

_Fuck! Looks like I won't be captain, huh?_

I shrugged my shoulders. _As if it fucking matters. Esme is right...it isn't making me happy anymore._

I got out of the shower and dressed myself...in what, I have no idea, because my eyes were still half closed. Unfortunately for me, I wasn't even all that sure that my shirt was on the right way.

_Like I fucking care; it doesn't matter what the fuck I look like at school._

I wandered down the stairs and poured myself a cup of coffee. I drank it quickly, poured myself another cup, and pulled out a travel thermos. I finished what was left in the coffee pot before turning to grab myself a couple of Red Bulls from the garage fridge.

_I am going to need a shitload of caffeine if I am going to be able to last through today._

I didn't remember the drive to school. My first few classes passed by in a complete blur, as did my classes that led up to lunch.

_Should I be worried that I don't remember a single thing that has happened so far today?_

_Nope. It's the second day of class, retard. Whatever you have missed can't be that important._

I stood in the lunch line and grabbed a tray of whatever the fuck looked halfway appetizing and walked over to my normal spot at my lunch table.

_I wonder what the fuck all these cronies will do when they overhear that I want Isabella Swan._

It didn't take me by surprise when I realized that I didn't fucking care. I didn't fucking care what any one of them thought about me, just like I didn't care what my father thought of me.

_Thanks, Esme, for helping me realize this._

I placed my lunch down on the table and chanced a glance over at Bella's lunch table. She was there, of course, and sitting between Jasper and Jacob. Bella was wearing what looked like two skirts - a short one over a long one with a long tunic sweater cardigan over a striped v-neck shirt. The buttons of her cardigan were undone, which revealed a shit ton of necklaces. Her beautiful hair, which had resembled dreadlocks as of recently, hung down low and very sexily on her back. She was most likely high, given her current carefree attitude, but I was unable to tell for sure because of the fact that she was wearing sunglasses.

I felt my jaw instinctively clench as I took in the scene in front of me. Bella, beautiful and most likely stoned, was sitting between her best friend and apparently her new love interest. The v-neck shirt that she was wearing was one wrong move away from moving completely aside and exposing her pert breasts, and Black seemed to catch on to this. Fucker was trying to get her to move around as much as possible, I swear to fucking God.

_Does she really like Jake? Did she seriously get over you that quickly? For Christ's sake, it was only a couple of fucking days, and here she is, getting felt up by some dickwad!_

Okay, so she wasn't getting felt up by Jake, but as far as I was concerned, she may as well have been. I saw red -- and every other fucking color in the God-damned rainbow -- as I tried to control my anger, which had flared up at an alarming rate. The fact that I had a sleepless night had fucked up with the "keeping Edward in control" center of my brain and was making it nearly impossible to keep myself from hauling off and kicking the shit out of Jacob Black. I know that I wasn't just mad at the display in front of me, but fucking saddened by it. Unfortunately, I knew there was nothing that I could do about it.

_Yeah, it may have only been one day, but I am pretty sure that you lost her._

I was two steps away from standing up, walking over to Bella, grabbing her face, and kissing her within an inch of her life in front of the entire lunch room. But the idea of her punching me, and then Jasper and Jacob punching me, held me back from doing so.

_But that doesn't mean that I can't go over to her and try to talk._

My sleepless brain had me walking over to Bella's table before I was even aware that I was doing so. I stopped when I was standing directly in front of Bella, plastered on my best crooked grin, and leaned over to whisper in her ear.

"I'm not giving up," I said to Bella before I directed my gaze towards Jacob.

Jacob let out a guttural growl after hearing my statement, while Jasper stood up and gave me a death glare. Bella, however, leaned back in her chair before she straightened up, got up, and left the lunchroom.

I didn't know if I should be offended or saddened or happy that Bella left the lunchroom so abruptly. I settled on being indifferent. I mean, sure, she didn't act overly happy and wrap her arms around me or anything like that, but I still considered this a winning situation. Because, simply said, she didn't hit me or spit on me or have an overly negative response to my actions.

I walked back to my lunch table and ignored the stares that I was getting, both from Bella's lunch table, and my own lunch table. I sat back down and grabbed my tray of food and readily dug in.

"What the fuck, Cullen?" Mike asked, putting his sandwich down on his lunch tray.

"Hmm?" I asked nonchalantly, my eyes not leaving the table.

"Why in the hell were you talking to Bella Swan?"

"Fuck off," I said calmly, lifting a forkful of food to my mouth.

"Ex...excuse me?" Mike choked out.

"Mike, I said fuck off. None of your business." I looked up from my tray.

Mike looked at me like I had just punched his mother. His eyes were large, his jaw had dropped to the ground, and his face had turned red.

"I mean, no offense, but it's none of your business," I quickly added before I turned back to my food.

"Okay, I mean, I guess..."

"Cut the bullshit, Newton. Edward was slumming, and he won't tell us why, huh? Well fuck that, I'll figure it out. Don't you worry your little nappy head," Rosalie snipped, tossing her hair over her shoulder.

I tuned my gaze to Rosalie. "Good. Figure it out, you stupid bitch. I can't wait until you know about my little '_secret_'," I stated, taking another bite of food. "And for the record, while Mike's hairstyle is not my taste, you should know that it is anything but nappy. So lay off him, especially since he is supposed to be your fucking 'friend'."

I got up with my now empty tray and walked over to the garbage can before putting my tray where it belonged. I could hear some hushed talking going on at my lunch table, most likely because of my rude comments to Rosalie and my abrupt departure, but I didn't give a shit.

I walked outside and lit up a cigarette before the door even closed behind me. Sure, it was a risky move, but I didn't give a flying fuck whether or not I got caught. To be truthful, I did what I came to do at school, which was to tell Bella that I wasn't giving up. Now that I had told Bella that, I could get fucking detention or whatever the fuck else and I wouldn't give a shit. Senior year was fucking bullshit, no matter which way I could slice it. And as long as I graduated on time (which would happen regardless, due to Daddy's deep pocketbook), I didn't give a shit how I got to graduation, just as long as I got there.

Trying to calm myself as I walked around outside, I stopped in my tracks when I realized that I wasn't alone.

It shouldn't have surprised me that Bella was laying near the woods in a pile of leaves smoking a joint, but of course I was taken off guard when I saw her.

_You saw her leave the lunchroom, genius. You had to have figured out that she was coming outside to get high or something along those lines._

Okay, so maybe I had figured that she had done something like that. Maybe I subconsciously wanted a cigarette just so I could catch a glimpse of her or something along those lines. I walked back towards the building and stayed hidden behind the bushes by the front door as I admired Bella's perfect figure from afar. She seemed so carefree, so in her element at the moment. Her hair was scattered across the leaves as she smoked, and I felt little Eddie stand to salute the beautiful woman in front of me.

_Bella was so unbelievably fucking gorgeous. Bella, so in her element...Bella the Earth Goddess._

_Wait...did I really think that?_

_Yep. Must somehow be too close to Bella or something, because I think I am getting high too._

I wanted so badly to walk up to her and take her in my arms and hold her close to my body. I wanted to kiss her, to fucking mark her as my own, but I knew that I couldn't do that to her, not yet. Because I was too late, and she isn't mine for the taking anymore. Either Bella lost her trust in me, or she had already moved on, but either way, she isn't mine.

_My God I want her so badly. How is it possible for one creature to be so...perfect?_

I waited until just before the bell rang before turning to leave the outdoor space that Bella had unknowingly shared with me.

_But I mean, Bella's beauty is almost too much to handle right now, too much to walk away from. I seriously think that I may die if I turn away from her right now. Fuck, I need her. I need to touch her; I need to taste her.  
_  
Honestly, the only thing that saved me from running up to her and launching myself at her at that moment was the fact that I would see her in our next class together. I was so completely unwilling to let her out of my sight that I had to grind my teeth and turn away, ignoring the fact that the object of my affection was only feet away from me.

I walked to class with my head hung low. I wasn't about to make eye contact with any of my peers that overheard the lunch room situation, so I figured that if I ignored the shit out of everyone, I could dodge the situation until hopefully later on in the day.

After I hopefully talked to Bella.

I sat down in my assigned seat and was displeased with the fact that Jacob Black was already sitting in the seat right behind me.

_Fucking douchebag._

Bella slipped in to class a few seconds before the bell rang. I looked over at her, and she turned around and smiled at Jake.

_Of course she ignores you and smiles at the fucking dog sitting behind you. She moved on, remember?_

I couldn't help the sudden feeling of dread that washed over me. _Shape up, Cullen. __But you already knew this; the game hasn't changed._

_You just have a little of proof now that you are going to have to step up your game with Bella. I mean, yeah, the smile that she tossed at Black looked like a friendly one, not an overly romantic one...not the kind of smile that screams "I wanna fuck you." But it's still a smile, which is much more than what you got._

I grabbed out a piece of paper from my folder and composed a small message on it.

_I meant what I said at lunch  
-E_

I passed the small note to Bella and waited to see what she would do when she got it.

She carefully opened the note, taking her time and seemed to read the message. She took out a pencil and wrote something below before taking her time refolding the paper.

_I meant what I said in the car.  
-B_

I pursed my lips and chanced a glance over at Bella. She was looking straight ahead at the front of the classroom, as if she was focusing on what Mr. Marcus was writing on the board. I gripped my pen and scribbled out another note.

_What, that you won't be kept a secret? Bella, if you gave me the chance to explain, you would know that I am not asking you to be a secret. If you want me to kiss you in front of the class to prove my point, I will.  
-E_

I put the note on her desk before Mr. Marcus noticed.

Bella grabbed the note, read it, and turned to me. She took off her sunglasses and arched her brow in a way that said _you aren't serious _before stashing the note away and returning to her doodles.

I growled and ripped out another piece of paper.

_Oh, but I am so serious. Call my bluff, Bella, and I will sneak out of this room and pull the fire alarm. And once everyone is gathered outside, I will lift you up in front of the entire school and kiss you to within an inch of your life.  
-E_

Bella looked at me like I was crazy before offering me a gummy worm. Before I could even answer her, she tossed it on my desk.

I greedily ate the gummy worm, taking it as some kind of olive branch, even though I knew it wasn't.

_She was probably really freaked out by the note that you wrote her that she did whatever she could come up with on a whim._

I didn't care...Bella's gummy worm was delicious and it reminded me of what she tasted like.

I ripped out one more piece of paper.

_I'm not kidding, Bella. I am not giving up on you. And I will do what it takes to prove that to you.  
-E_

I knew that writing that last note would probably be overkill, but I also knew that in some cases, persistence was key. And because I didn't know what else to do, I figured that I may as well drive my point home.

Bella quickly scribbled down a reply.

_Sure thing Shags  
-B_

I frowned when I read the note.

_Fuck. She doesn't think that I am serious._

I crumpled up the piece of paper until it was as small as it could possibly be. I was torn between feeling mad that she wouldn't listen to me, and sad that she didn't believe me.

_You have to try harder, Cullen._

I turned to face the front of the classroom, resigned to the fact that writing Bella notes seems to get me...nowhere.

"...So I have your project partner's names already assigned," Mr. Marcus finished, smiling as he heard the sea of groans erupt from the students surrounding me. "And the partner pairings are as follows..."

It appeared that when I was lost in my head, Mr. Marcus had been assigning a project that would be done as a partner activity. And none of my fellow students seemed to like that our teacher was the one assigning our partners.

_Fuck, I'll probably be partnered up with Jacob or something equally as nightmare-worthy._

I was brought out of my inner thoughts when I heard my name.

"Edward Cullen will be paired with...Isabella Swan," Mr. Marcus said, placing his pencil behind his ear.

The entire classroom erupted with laughter, and I had to hide the smile that was playing on the corners of my lips. Mr. Marcus eyed everyone back into silence.

Bella put up her hand.

"Mr. M?"

"Yes, Isabella?"

"So, I'm clearly cool that you have this master plan orchestrated. I mean, everyone needs a master plan to get shit done, right?! Where would Dr. Claw have been, or Cobra Commander without a master plan? Not that I'm saying you're evil." She paused a moment, and her brows furrowed. "What the fuck was I saying?" she whispered to herself. "Oh yeah. So, I'm thinking though that your plan would be more wicked awesome if I could join forces with Jacob instead of Shags over here."

I heard Jacob agree from behind me, and I bit on the inside of my cheek so hard that I drew blood.

_I cannot punch Bella's new boyfriend in front of the class. I simply cannot do that._

_...Right?_

"Ms. Swan, I appreciate your input, but I must say that I had a reason for partnering you up with Mr. Cullen. And besides, Mr. Black has a partner of his own," Mr. Marcus said, frowning.

"But, Mr. M, we have to create an energy and a flow, find that stream of consciousness, and work as one. Jacob and I could be like Sonny and Cher or Simon and Garfunkel or peanut butter and jam. Always superb pairs! Don't think I could get that with Shags. Sometimes you feel it and sometimes you don't, dig? Don't wanna jeopardize artistic fucktasticness on uncomfortable pairings. So any chance for rethinking your plan?"

Mr. Marcus shook his head. "No, I am sorry, Isabella. I know that you and Mr. Cullen can have some chemistry; I saw it as a by-product of your entry of the photograph of him last semester in the student art show. Just because you won't be partnered up with your boyfriend doesn't mean that you won't end up making fantastic art with Mr. Cullen. Just trust your talent, Bella. Oh, and please try to keep your swearing in the classroom down to a minimum, okay?"

"Dude... universe always raining on my parade," she said to herself. "You win this time, Mr. M."

It did not escape my attention that Bella didn't deny that Mr. Marcus called Jacob her boyfriend. I slipped down into my seat, upset with her outburst at not wanting to be my partner for the project.

Fuck. Fuck, fuck, fuck.

"Okay class. The rest of the class period I want you to break up into the partners that I just assigned. I want you all to talk with your partners about what your ideas are for the project. Use your class time wisely, students." Mr Marcus looked at the class and narrowed his eyes. "Remember, the more time you waste during class, the more time you will have to work on the project in your own free time."

I looked over at Bella and felt my heart drop to the floor. She still did not look happy whatsoever about the prospect of being partnered up with me.

_My heart fucking hurts._

I scooted my desk over after I decided that I had to make the first move. Because if I hadn't moved over to Bella, she would have stayed seated in her spot and we wouldn't have talked about the project one bit.

"Listen, I..." I sighed, running a hand through my hair. "I'm sorry that you have to be partnered up with me. I know that you wanted to be with your _boyfriend_, so I am sorry that you had to settle with working with me."

"Here's how it's gunna go down, Shags. We're gunna be a _team_ on this project. You gotta be a cool cat; I gotta be a cool cat. I just ask that you don't cockblock my creative faeries when they come knocking. I take my art serious like. Got it?"

"Bella, I may fuck with my own grades on account of not giving a shit about how my report card looks, but I am not going to fuck with your grades... no way, no how. I will do whatever you need me to do for this project, even if it includes you wanting me to beg Mr. Marcus to switch partners with Black." I hung my head low in semi-defeat; as much as I wanted Bella, I was not about to let her despise me for being her partner in class when she clearly did not want to be partnered with me.

"It's not about grades, Shags. It's about creating shit that matters. I can't be stifled by you livin' in your head."

I closed my eyes and pinched the bridge of my nose. "I may not look like much, Bella, but I take art very seriously." _I've taken art seriously since I met you, of course. _

"Right... between your jock fests and beer drinking?"

"Because I go to jock fests so often," I replied sarcastically, rolling my eyes. "Listen, Bella, what's your problem with me? I am fucking trying here, and you are just purposely fucking getting under my skin."

"My problem with you, Shags?" She stopped and took a deep breath. "Listen, I'm finally havin' an okay day. I'm baked up tight. I don't wanna fight with you."

"I'm not trying to argue with you, either. Just...fuck, Bella. This is hard for me in the first place, and you are making it so much more difficult. Why? You didn't answer my question."

I was alternating between extreme sadness and extreme anger. _I am going to have a fucking coronary, I just know it. _

"Cause I stepped out on a limb, Shags, and you sawed it down," she whispered.

My heart clenched. "And I realized that it was a fucking huge mistake. The biggest mistake I've ever made, and I am trying to make up for it," I stated calmly, trying to even my breathing.

"Yeah, well, Shags. It's not that easy for me. K?"

"I'm not asking for you to forgive me now, Bella. I am just asking for the chance -- eventually -- to make it up to you." I looked sadly down at the blank piece of paper in front of me, waiting for Bella's response.

"Who knows what the universe will bring, Shags. I'll just continue capturing my moments and let them come together how they may."

_Typical Bella response. _"I'm not leaving this up to the universe, Bella. I am not giving up, even if you are with Jacob Black." I leaned in closer to Bella and licked my lips as I enjoyed her scent. "I will have you, Bella. This is meant to be."

I backed away from Bella just a little bit, and noticed Bella staring at me hard as she struggled to catch her breath.

_It's almost as if that last sentence left Bella fucking turned on or something._

_Ha. I fucking wish. _

"I'm not with Jacob," she whispered.

I let my breath out with one big _whoosh. _"Well, that's one less thing that I have to worry about, I guess. I mean, it would probably be hard to try to convince you that Jacob's not for you," I rambled, unbelievably excited that Bella hadn't _completely _moved on.

"Who I do and who I don't fuck is none of your business, Shags. I just wanted to clear up the Jacob thing. He's a good guy and doesn't deserve your shit."

_God, you are such a fucktard, Cullen._

"No, Bella, I didn't mean it that way. I'm sorry, I just..." I back pedaled and closed my eyes. "I'm just relieved, so that came out wrong, Bella. I am not trying to dictate who you can and cannot have sex with."

_Even though I don't want you having sex with anyone but me._

"Good. 'Cause it isn't any of your business."

_You know what the saddest part of all of this is, Cullen? If you had come to the magical realization that Esme prodded you into just a few days earlier, you wouldn't be having this conversation. Because who Bella has sex with would completely be your business...the only person that she would be fucking would be you._

I sighed and turned to Bella, resting my hand on her desk. _My God, I want to reach out and touch her in some way._

I leaned in and lowered my voice. "Well, I don't know if you care, but I am not fucking anyone either. There is only one person that I am interested in, and I am not going to have any kind of _interactions_ with anyone but her."

"Let's talk about the project."

_Smooth deflection, Bella. _I turned to face the front of the classroom as I studied Bella out of the corner of my eye. She was playing with her necklaces, almost as though she was nervous about something.

_Am I making her nervous? I mean, what the hell would she have to be nervous about?_

I turned my head slightly to look at her a little better. _Yeah, she's definitely nervous. But probably because she wants to talk about the project that she is so worried about you fucking up on._

I placed my hand on Bella's knee and gently rubbed it. "Hey, I'm sorry if I am making you nervous. Yeah, we can talk about the project, babe. No more personal talk if you don't want it."

Bella jumped and sucked in a breath. Her reaction alarmed me, until I realized that my hand was still on her knee.

"Oh, fuck. I am so sorry, Bella," I said, immediately removing my hand from her knee.

"S'ok, Shags. Just surprised me is all. Gave me the ting-" she stopped. "The project. The project." She bit at her bottom lip. "Any ideas?"

A piece of Bella's hair had fallen in front of her face and I immediately reached up and brushed it behind her ear. She closed her eyes. My hand lingered by her face and I gently cupped her cheek before I pulled my hand back and placed it on my lap.

_Not good, Cullen! Focus, jackass!_

The intimate contact that I felt with Bella for that quick moment left me momentarily dazed. "I'm sorry...what did you say?"

"The project," she whispered, opening her eyes.

"Right," I sighed, tapping my foot nervously. "Any ideas?"

_Please have an idea. I have no fucking clue what this project is even about because I haven't been paying any attention to anything but you._

"Uhm, we gotta combine some sort of lit, music, and visuals. Maybe make a movie?"

Bella's skin was flushed and I wanted to take her right then and there, regardless of the fact that we were in the middle of the classroom.

My hands twitched at my sides, itching to touch Bella in some way. "Yeah, I like it. A movie sounds like a fucking great idea." _Yeah, pretty sure Bella could have said that she wanted to have a huge orgy using claymation and marionettes and I would have still told her that it sounded like a fucking great idea. _

"Some live footage, stills, set to music, maybe voiceover. You got a favourite short story or poem or something? Music we should use? Ideas about footage?" She seemed distracted.

"Nothing in particular is really coming to me at the moment. Hey," I said, grabbing her wrist. "Is everything okay? You seem...a little out of it."

"Shags, I..." she took a deep breath "I can't do this when you touch me."

"Sorry, Bella, I...I wasn't thinking." _Why the fuck am I making her so uncomfortable?_

"I just need to be able to think 'cause when you touch me ..." she laughed to herself. "I just .. you know .. asshats."

"Asshats? Are you making some sort of reference towards me being an asshat? I...why?" I furrowed my brow, completely and utterly confused now.

"Not you, Shags, me. I can't think when you touch me, and I need to be able to think 'cause you say all the pretty words, but that's what they are... just pretty words. And I can't let those pretty words through, dig?" She licked her lips.

"I'm not saying anything that isn't true, Bella. I mean everything that I say." I leaned in closer to Bella, making sure that she was looking me in the eyes. "And if you ever 'let those pretty words through', I promise you it wouldn't be a bad thing. I'd never make you regret it."

_Holy shit...as tough as Bella is trying to be right now, she isn't completely impervious to me._

_I wonder if she is as miserable as I am.  
_  
"I can't do it again, Shags. Put it all out there, you know? Maybe we should take a breather. I need to go visit Myrtle, clear my head. Maybe if you aren't doin' stuff later tonight you could come to Chez Fuzz and we could go over the project."

_She needs a breather from me? Fuck._

"Yeah," I stated dismissively, "we can get together later. I'll come over after football practice, okay?"

"Sure, Shags. You remember where Chez Fuzz is?"

_Is she gonna let me in her house? In her room, perhaps? _

"Of course I do, Bella. How could I..." I paused as I registered her tone, and then I took a huge breath. "It's only been two days since I have been over, B. I wouldn't have forgotten, no way."

"Right, right. So yeah, come over when you're done. Jazz and Pixie will probably be there, but they'll be cool."

I gulped. _Of course Jasper is going to be there, dickhead. Be read; he will probably have some choice words for you, too. _"Of course they will be there; Jasper lives with you." _ Big gulp._ "Uh, did you want me to bring anything?"

"Bring anything? Uhm, no, unless you eat strange things."

"Strange things? Like, not gummy worms or orange things?" I lightly jibed, poking Bella in the side.

"Hey! You leave the gummy group alone!" she smiled.

"I'm not dissing it. I'm just upset that I have lived so long not following the guidelines of your food pyramid."

"It's a well guarded secret, Shags. Can't have the riff raff in on it."

_Don't be upset that she just called you riff raff...don't be upset that she called you riff raff...don't be upset that she... _"Yeah, I get it. You discover something good, you gotta keep it to yourself."

"Well, if everyone knew the benefits of gummy and orange and chocolatey-goodness, the prices would go up and then what would we eat?"

I couldn't contain the smile that overtook my face. "Touché, Bella. Touché."

_My God, this woman is amazing. Beautiful, smart, a great sense of humor, and the sexiest fucking creature I have ever met in my entire life...fuck. I want her so badly right now._

"Alright, Shags. I'm gunna jet, and I'll see you when you are done huggin' other dudes."

_Huggin other dudes? Thanks for the boner shrinker, Bella._

"I'll see you after football practice, Bella."

Bella got up from her chair and by God's wonderful grace, accidentally flashed me. I had to grip the sides of my desk to prevent me from coming in my pants right at that moment.

_Oh my God. Bella's pert nipple...it was just begging for me to put it in my mouth, I swear to God._

Of course, the bell rang, and I had to think of dead kittens laying across an old, wrinkly, and naked Lauren Mallory before I could get up from my desk.

_I don't think that Lauren would appreciate knowing that I picture her when I need to control a raging boner in my pants._

Somehow I couldn't make myself care about what Lauren thought. Or what Jessica, or Rosalie, or Tyler, or Mike, or....anyone thought.

The only person that mattered to me was Bella.

XXX

"Cullen! What the fuck, man! Get your head into the game before you get injured!" Tyler ran up to me and threw the football into my hands.

"Yeah, uh, sorry," I said, taking off my helmet and scratching my head. "I guess my head's not in the game right now."

_'Cause I was totally picturing Bella naked and writhing beneath me._

"Well, you skipped practice yesterday, man. Unless you want coach to get pissed, you need to get your head in the game. Stop thinking about Swan," Mike joked, hitting my arm with his elbow.

I blanched. "Swan? I don't know what you are talking about..." _How the fuck did he know that I was thinking about Bella? Am I that transparent? _

"Cut the shit, Cullen. You know _exactly _what I am talking about. I mean, I guess I can see it. Swan is pretty hot..."

I growled and shoved the football squarely into Mike's gut. He groaned as a gust of air left his lungs.

"You'd be smart to not talk about Bella in that way, Newton," I remarked, walking towards the water cooler and away from conflict.

"How could I _not_ talk about her that way? Shit, man, did you even _see _what she was wearing today? A shirt that was just aching to be taken off and thrown to the floor of my bedroom. God, her breasts looked fucking _fantastic_," Mike said, jogging up to Tyler, and coincidentally, closer to myself.

_Don't you dare talk about her breasts. Those breasts are _mine.

_Fucking MINE._

I felt my hands ball up into tight fists. _I'm gonna punch the bastard. I mean, fuck it; it's been awhile since I have gotten into a fight, and I am in the mood to fucking beat someone's face in right about now._

"Oh yeah, man. I don't think she wears any fucking underwear. Girls who wear underwear have _lines_ showing. This girl has no lines, ever." Tyler fist-bumped Mike, just as I ran and charged at them both.

_Goddamn bastards think that they can talk about my Bella that way? Fuck that, over my dead body._

I got a good couple of punches in on both Mike and Tyler before they both realized what was happening and were able to pin me down.

_Okay, so maybe I shouldn't have decided to punch two of my teammates at the same time. 'Cause two against one just...never works out to the one's advantage._

Because Tyler was so good at taking orders, he held me down while Mike pummelled the shit out of my face.

It wasn't long before some of my teammates noticed the commotion and ran over to the area where I was getting my ass kicked. Luckily for me, someone was able to pull Mike off me before the coach blew his whistle.

"Newton! Crowley! Cullen! What in the hell do you think you are doing? Get the fuck away from each other!" Coach yelled, speed-walking to the place where we had been fighting.

Mike and Tyler stood up immediately, whereas it took me a little while to get up after the beat-down I had just taken. Benjamin, a fellow teammate, reached down a hand to help me up.

_Why do I taste blood?_

"Cullen! Now why do I have a feeling that _you_ are the one behind this?" Coach growled, poking a finger into my chest pads.

I didn't answer the clearly rhetorical question, so I narrowed my eyes and looked at the ground in front of me.

"You know, Cullen, if you weren't fucking captain of this team, I would have your ass for this. Go...hit the showers or something. Get outta my sight so I don't have to deal with you and the fact that the better Cullen, your older brother, isn't here anymore."

This was the first I had heard that I was officially team captain, and as nice as the idea was, coach had to go and ruin it by reminding me that Emmett was a better player than I was and he would be sorely missed.

I jogged off the field and into the locker rooms. I paused and looked at myself in the mirror and noticed some slight swelling around my mouth, and a split lip with a formed scab was pretty prominent.

_No wonder I could fucking taste blood._

I punched the locker closest to me and felt my hand throb as soon as it made contact with the metal.

_I don't give a flying fuck about anything at this moment. Life is just...too fucked up for me to care._

I was in such a foul temper that I momentarily forgot that I was supposed to be meeting Bella at her house after practice.

_Fuckkkk. I can't go over to her place looking all fucking beat-up, now can I?_

I jumped into the shower quickly and washed my body and face off, even though the cuts on my face and hands stung. Fighting through the pain just made the shower that much more worth it, like I was actually working for my shower.

_You are gonna look like a meathead when you go over to Bella's. You better bring her something to take the focus off your ugly mug._

I frowned, immediately regretting the action as I felt my lip threaten to split open and start bleeding again.

_Okay, it's not like you can buy her roses or anything. She just doesn't seem like the kind of woman who would appreciate anything like that, Bella is anything but cliché._

I quickly formulated a plan and jumped out of the shower to towel off.

_Hopefully I don't get my ass kicked for the second time today when I go over to Bella's house, 'cause that would just be my luck._

I ran the few errands that I needed to run before I arrived at Bella's house with gifts in hand that would hopefully deflect attention from my face and the fact that Bella and I are on uneven ground at the moment.

Hopping out of my car, I straightened out my shirt before walking to Bella's front door. I was excited to see what Bella's house and bedroom looked like. _If I was lucky enough to see what her bedroom looked like, of course._

I walked up to the door and debated on knocking or ringing the door bell.

_Well, here goes nothing, _I thought as I knocked on the door.

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**E/N:** Reviewers get a teaser! Chapter 11 is the shit you guys...so leave us some love, and we will leave you some love too!


	11. Afterschool Shenanigans

**A/N: **Sorry this took so long! I don't know about you guys, but I have been drooling constantly since the release of "Remember Me". Pretty sure all that drooling isn't good for my computer keyboard...

A HUGE thank you to our Betas, imcarriej and TRDancer. You guys are pretty much AMAZING for cleaning up this story and making it "readable" :)

Holy shit! 100 reviews? You guys are freaking amazing! Thank you SO much to all of you who have put this story on alert/favorites/or reviewed. This chapter is for you guys!

Nahhh...Paige and I still don't own Twilight. But if we did, we would break off a little piece of Edward and share him with everyone. That is how much we love you all :)

* * *

**Bella POV  
**Shags was comin' over to Chez Fuzz! What was I brainin'?! I mean, close quarters and touchin' meant the tinglies were bound to jump my skin like a kid stuffin' a fork in a socket. How was I supposed to get anything done if there were tinglies, and good smellin' Shags, and his Velveta voice? How was I supposed to brain if my kitty was drownin' in a pool of wanting? How was I supposed to be strong, and not fall for his pretty words if his very presence made me wanna fall for them. Strong woman: deserves wicked cool dude to be free, not restrict. Right wicked cool with coppery bits hair and smouldery green peepers.

"Bells-a-bub, you are gunna wear a groove in the floor if you don't chill, kitten cat."

"Jazz, I invited him over. What was I thinkin'?"

"You weren't, but it's cool, kitten cat. Be strong, babes, do your project, and I'll be here if you need a knight in boxer shorts. Now com'ere and take some Myrtle."

I snuggled up against my Jazz and took a few long hits before putting my friend beside the bed and snuggling against my best friend.

"Feelin' better, Bells-a-bub?"

"Still nervous, I guess."

Jazz's hand slipped under my shirt to make lazy circles on my tummy.

"Why does Shags get me goin' so much? Why do I let him crawl under my skin? Like a case of scabies you can't get rid of, and don't wanna get rid of."

"I dunno, Bells-a-bub. Maybe he is just an itch you need to work out."

His hand slipped under my skirt and I unconsciously spread my legs for him ... as I had done for years. His fingers played their familiar game with my kitty.

"I think it is more, Jazz ... I think it is more. He makes my heart flutter."

We were silent as Jazz's talented fingers played and toyed and made my body writhe like a funnel cake in oil. His other hand gently pulled at my nipple. And then ... Jazzsplosion with guest star little scream. My body arced and I squeezed my legs around his fingers.

"Fuck, Bells-a-bub. Shags did have you worked up ... hopefully that will make you chill," he said, cupping my kitty gently.

"Thanks, Jazz. Needed sumthin'"

He kissed my hair. "No worries, kitten cat. May want to straighten up though. I think I heard his car."

"Oh fuck! You'll behave... right, Jazz?"

He gave me a pearly white display. "I always behave, Bells-a-bub."  
**  
Edward POV**  
Bella answered the door wearing the same delicious outfit that she was wearing earlier in the day, minus the sweater that had been covering her shoulders.

Her breasts were still teasing me, begging me to put them in my mouth, but I knew that I had to ignore them. _For the time being, of course. When Bella isn't looking, I am so totally going to ogle those fuckers like they have never been ogled before._

"Here," I said, holding my hand out. "These are for you."

I handed Bella the bag of gummy bears and Cheetos that I purchased for her, along with the wildflowers that I picked from the field behind my house.

"Oh! Hey! Thanks, Shags," she said, taking the food and flowers. "You didn't have to bring anything y'know. Lots of gummy and orange here." She lifted the flowers to her nose and inhaled. "Mmm ..late bloomers. They always smell different, not like spring, not like summer. They have their own smell. My sniffer likes."

"Yeah, I know you wouldn't ever run short of gummy or orange foods. Just wanted to..." _bring you something? Show you that I cared? _"Contribute, you know?"

_No, she doesn't know, you idiot. You brought her fucking food and flowers, and although you were trying not to be cliché, you basically just brought her chocolates and roses. But the thought counts, right? Keep telling yourself that, Sparky.  
_  
She stood there looking at me.

"Oh dude! Where are my manners? C'mon in, Shags."

"Thanks," I said, following Bella into her house.

I took a look around and immediately realized that Bella had nothing to do with the decor of the house.

_Yeah, 'cause somehow I doubt that Bella would ever have a trout mounted above the fireplace._

A little part of me was disappointed that I wasn't able to see more into Bella's psyche by observing the space that she lived in, but I reminded myself that Charlie had lived alone for many years, and I couldn't expect for his house to change in a matter of months just because his free-minded daughter moved in with him.

_At least there's still her bedroom, right?_

"Nice place you got here," I said, motioning towards the living room.

"Oh, yeah, well, this is the Fuzz's space, his man cave. I don't bug. All my shit is upstairs. You want me to bring it down or you wanna come up?"

_Fuck yes, I want to go upstairs. _"Whatever you prefer, I will work wherever you want me to." _But yeah, your bedroom is preferable._

"Mmm... let's go up. I don't wanna drag that stuff down. So, this way, grasshopper."

_It's like you read my mind._

Bella grabbed the gummy bears and lead me up the stairs to her bedroom. I, of course, couldn't help but look at her ass the entire trip up the stairs.

When I reached the bedroom, I was a little disappointed that the trip up was over. But as I looked around the room, my disappointment faded, because Bella's bedroom was exactly what I would expect it to be. Crazy colors, stuff scattered everywhere, it was a very "Bella and Jasper"-esque space. As soon as I thought his name, I caught sight of Jasper, sprawled across the bed and reading a magazine, wearing only his boxers.

_Of course the son of a bitch is wearing only boxers. Cocksucker needs to stake his territory somehow, right?_

My blood pressure rose when I noticed that his dreads were more messed up than usual, and Bella's sweater was twisted and hanging from the bed as though it was thrown haphazardly by its owner. I seriously thought that I was going to vomit when I contemplated what Bella and Jasper must have been up to before I got there.

_Fuck. Of course she is going to seek out Jasper to help her with her sexual needs, even though she said that she wasn't doing it before. But now she probably had to do something to calm down, considering the fact that I was coming over after school._

_I seriously hate my life.  
_  
"Hey, Jazz, Shags is here to work on that media project. You gunna hang here, or...?"

"Nah, Bells-a-bub. I'm gunna head down, go commune with nature for a bit, see what's on the idiot box."

He rolled off the bed, grabbing his jeans as he stood. He flung them over his shoulder and started walking out of the room, but stopped at the door and looked back at Bella.

"Call the crickets if you need me, Bells-a-bub."

"You gots it,Jazz."

I watched as Jasper disappeared and sighed in relief when I couldn't see him anymore. I turned back to face Bella, and before my face met hers once more, I caught a glimpse of my reflection in a mirror that had been placed in Bella's room.

_Holy shit, Cullen, you look like shit. Lucky for you, Bella hasn't seemed to notice your fucking beat up face._

"So," I said as I motioned around Bella's room. "This is your room, huh? Very...you. I can tell that this is your and Jasper's room."

_Jasper, the mother fucking cocksucking son of a bitch who I bet is touching something that should be mine..._

"Yeah, a little piece of sanity here at Chez Fuzz. Beats stuffed dead things and the everything-in-its-place kinda feel. This room is a discovery. We like it that way."

She grabbed her laptop and some paper from a desk piled high with random stuff and flopped down on the bed.

And because I was feeling ballsy, I sat down on the bed next to her. "I am glad that your room is very _you_. In a way, I am jealous of your bedroom."

"Jealous? Why?" Bella looked at me like I was crazy.

"I can't imagine having a space that feels like the essence of the person who occupies it. Must be one of the perks of being an artist." I smiled, and winced a little at the pain of having my lips pull from the scab that had formed.

Of course, Bella had to notice me wincing.

"Who danced a jig on your face, Shags?"

"Ummm...it's nothing." I tried to turn my face from Bella's eyes so she couldn't look at it anymore.

She reached out and gently turned my face back, her fingertips brushing over my lips.

"Doesn't look like nuthin'. Nuthin' usually doesn't jump up and kick your ass. Nuthin' hides behind trees and kicks rocks down the street."

"Yeah, well...it is what it is," I said, looking down at Bella's comforter.

"You don't wanna tell me, Shags, I won't pry."

_Thank God. Because I don't want to tell you the truth._

I gave Bella a weak smile since, I couldn't muster anything more because of the tightness in my face, and placed my hands on Bella's bed. "So, you do anything fun after school? Have a successful date with Myrtle?" _Have a successful fucking with Jasper?_

"Me? Nah, just ate some mini-trees, had a threesome - Myrtle, Jazz and I - and listened to some music. Just the typical. You had dude huggin' after school, right?"

My heart skipped like eighteen beats when Bella said that she had a threesome, until I realized that she meant that she had a threesome with her bong, which is not the same. At all.

"Ah, yeah, I had football practice. Apparently I am captain this year or something." I got up from the bed and made my way over to a wall that was covered in photos. One photo in particular caught my eye, and I couldn't help but reach out and touch it.

It was of Bella, and I think that it was taken sometime this summer. She was wearing a bikini top and a long flowy skirt that you could see through, and it was an unbelievably sexy sight. The sun was setting, and Bella was laughing and looked like she was dancing.

_My God, this woman is perfect._

"Captain of the dude huggin'? That's wicked awesome, I guess. Do you have to do something special?"

"Well, when you put it that way...dude huggin'...it's not really that great," I muttered, still entranced by the photograph on the wall.

"You don't like it?"

I turned back to face Bella. "Yeah, I guess it's fine. It's just...football isn't what it used to be. It doesn't mean what it used to mean for me, you know?"

"Then why continue?"

I shrugged. "Boredom? Afraid to not have anything else to do? Habit? Take your pick."

"Why not do somethin' different? I mean, what do you like to do?"

_Anything to do with you. I would truly love to do you, Bella. _"I don't know. There is just one thing that makes me happy right now." _And that is you, of course._

"What's that, Shags? 'Cause if dude huggin' isn't cuttin' it, maybe you should look at doin' this other thing. I mean, when I was little I did dance lessons, but I hated it and jumped right into art."

_Oh my God Bella, you have no idea how much I would love to..."do"...you. Please don't unwillingly give me permission to do something you don't want to do._

_Heh._

"I...I can't just...do this other thing. The ball isn't in my court right now, so this 'thing' is unattainable to me at this moment."

"Oh," she said looking confused. "Well maybe things will change. I hope it isn't dance lessons though. You don't strike me as the ballet type."

I laughed, and winced as my lip smarted once again. "No, no dancing." _Unless you count the horizontal mambo. _"And I hope that things change, too. I can't really handle the way things have been going lately." _Yeah, you are pretty much killing me here. _"If things keep up this way, I might fucking explode or something." _Or, you know, my pants might explode. Because the way things have been going? That's a completely plausible outcome._

"Well, hope it works out for you, Shags. Really do."

"Thanks, Bella." _It means a lot, really._

"So, our project .. any ideas?"

I was grateful for a subject change, but ungrateful for the new topic.

_Nope, been thinking about you this entire time; haven't had time to do much more than that. _"Um, I was kind of interested to hear what you were thinking?"

_Yeah, you don't sound like an idiot or anything for not having a clue what the project is really even about in the first place._

"So we have to do mixed media and Mr. M said we have to smoosh together some audio, visual, and have some sort of lit reference. And it has to be under ten. So I was braining' while doing' my threesome and I thought we could choose some poetry or an excerpt from a book, set to some music, and layover video or stills. Do some sort of commentary. I was also thinkin' black and white."

"Wow, uh," I ran a hand carefully over my face, "yeah. I like it, Bella. I like it a lot."

"You got a favorite poem? Or book?"

I looked around the room once more. "Not anything that I can think of that would work with what we are talking about." I spotted an interesting looking photo and stood up to look at it a little more closely.

It was a photograph of Bella and Jasper, where Jasper was for sure shirtless, and Bella appeared to be also. Their foreheads were touching, and they seemed to be smiling into each other. It was the kind of picture that couples take together. It was the kind of picture that _lovers_ take together. I felt my sore hand tense into a fist as I bit down on my cheek. _Fucking Jasper. Fucking Jasper, who was most likely fucking Bella._

"Maybe we should start with the music then? Help the creative faeries. You got favourite music?"

_The kind of music that you wouldn't be fucking Jasper to. _"Yeah, no. I like all types of music, actually," I said distractedly, still looking at the picture in front of me. "Hey, uh, when was this picture taken?" I asked, pointing to the offending photograph of Bella and Jasper.

Bella looked up to where I was pointing.

"Oh, this summer. That whole section was this summer."

"This...this summer?" I asked, my blood beginning to boil with outright jealousy and rage.

_This summer, which is after Bella told me that she and Jasper weren't having sex. Fuck, they obviously are having sex now._

_How did I ever think that Jasper was just a "friend"? I was fucking ridiculous to ever think that Jasper wasn't banging the shit out of Bella._

"Yeah. That one I think was from the desert. Fucking hot out there. Why so curious, Shags?"

I closed my eyes. "Because...you were naked? With Jasper? I thought you guys...didn't _do_ that kind of stuff, so...?"

"You thought we didn't get buck? Everybody does. What's the biggie?"

I clenched my fists. "For real, Bella? How would you react if I told you that I didn't wear a single article of clothing this summer. How would you react to that?"

"Uhm, I'd think that it probably made your job kinda dangerous. Frolicking buck in the desert is one thing, but using heavy machinery with your franks and beans all out... not a good idea."

I rolled my eyes. "Try not to think about me working nude. Think about me, say, hanging out with members of the opposite sex while buck ass naked."

_Why am I getting so jealous? Bella isn't even mine to be saying this to._

"I dunno, wicked awesome, I guess? I don't get your hang-up about clothes, Shags."

"So, if someone you knew I had been with sexually was sitting around naked with me, and it appeared that she was all up on my man meat, you don't think that you...er, someone who was interested in me, would care that I was in that situation?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Whoa, Shags. Hold the brontosaurus. When did this get to be 'bout feelings and sex? We were just talkin' 'bout bein' buck. If you were hintin' that Jazz and I fuck, we don't. He hides his pony in Pixie."

"Well, the captured moment here doesn't lie, Bella. I am just relaying what I am seeing. Maybe this picture was taken before Jasper decided to 'hide his pony' in Alice?"

"Well, you're wrong, Shags. Jazz and I don't play hide the pony and that pic is just Jazz and I communing. Same souls gotta do that to stay cool."

I resisted the urge to roll my eyes. "So, the picture. It wasn't two people, wrapped up in each other after sharing an intimate moment, but two souls, communing with each other?"

_I still want to fucking snap Jasper's neck for getting so close to Bella._

_Close to her, when I can't be._

I started lifting my shirt off in an irrational fit of...I don't know. Jealousy? "So, if you are all cool with being nude all the time, you'd be okay with me taking my clothes off right now, right?"

Bella looked at me, her eyes wide as saucers. Her breath hitched in her throat, and I was afraid that she was going to stop breathing.

But that didn't stop me. I pulled my shirt off and over my head and tossed it onto Bella's bed.

"Not two souls, same soul," she whispered, her skin flushing.

"Uh huh, sure," I stated, moving my hands down to my pants before unbuttoning them and kicking them off my legs. Bella just sat there, looking at me like I was fucking crazy or something.

_I'll show you crazy, baby._

I watched as Bella slipped off the bed and stood, her eyes moving over my body.

_If I didn't know better, I would think that she was ready to fucking jump me or something._

"Shags..." She closed her eyes, took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. Her eyes slowly opened and she bit her bottom lip. "This isn't fair," she whispered.

"What isn't fair, Bella? You and Jasper are friends, and it's okay for you guys to see each other naked. And, you know, you wouldn't mind having someone else look at my privates, so what's wrong with this?" I pulled my socks before I hooked my fingers in the waistband of my boxer briefs, threatening to pull them down. "We're _friends_, right? Isn't this what friends do?" I questioned, pulling my last article of clothing down just a little bit.

"Stop, please... Shags." She took several steps back until she hit the wall. Her breathing was ragged, and her eyes kept running over my body.

"Why should I stop, Bella? Nakedness isn't anything abnormal, right? I mean, we were born naked, why is it a problem that I am just embracing what I was at birth?"

"I just ..." She stopped and licked her lips, and then laughed nervously. "You test my control, Shags," she whispered.

I raised my eyebrow. "I test your control? How so?" I asked, pulling at my waistband once more.

"Because my body wants yours," she whispered, "but I can't do this."

I walked close to Bella, leaning in so close that my body was almost touching hers. "If it feels so right, then why deny it, Bella?"

She whimpered under her breath. "Please, don't, Shags." Her hands curled into fists as she tucked them between herself and the wall.

I bent down and pressed myself closer to Bella, until my mouth was mere inches away from her ear. I licked my lips. "Why?"

"Because you can't give me everything."

I backed up, feeling like I had been punched. Nothing that I could do would apparently show Bella that I am not just yanking her around, or anything like that.

_It's fucking getting on my nerves._

"Yes, I can, Bella. If you had been listening to me, you would know that I could -- and would -- give you everything."

"Pretty words, Shags, pretty words." Her eyes looked sad. "And as much as I enjoy the view ... could you ... you know. I just need to be able to brain."

My shoulders slumped in defeat. "Uh, yeah, I can get dressed." I hurriedly threw my pants and shirt back on and sat down on the bed to put my socks back on. "But so you know...I don't mean them as pretty words. I mean them as _truthful_ words." I stood up, and because my self control was apparently God-awful strong, I gave Bella a tender kiss on the forehead. "I mean it," I whispered, drawing myself away from the perfect woman in front of me.

"If you mean it, I mean really mean it. Then we start slow. Friends. Talk. Share. No secrets."

_Slow? Other than the raging boner in my pants right now, I can do slow. I think._

"Of course I mean it, _really mean it_." I reached up and ran my hand through Bella's hair. "Talk, share, no secrets. Of course." _But the "friends" thing? I don't know. Because I simply don't know if I can just be friends with you. And what the hell kind of secrets do you think I would hide from you? I mean, I don't have to tell you when I take a shit or anything like that, do I? Things like that should stay a secret, for crying out loud._

"And you can't hide me."

I closed my eyes and let out a deep breath, shaking my head. "I would never make that mistake again, Bella. I...fuck, that was incredibly stupid of me. And I know that, I really do."

"K, I believe you, Shags. We start over."

Bella stuck out her hand to shake mine and I placed my hand in hers, gripping firmly.

"I'm Isabella, but you, you can call me Bella. Nice to meet you," she said, smiling wide.

_But I don't want to start over. I like the way we met, the memories that we have shared together. _But as much as I don't want to "start over", I realize it's necessary.

"I'm Edward. If you call me Eddie, I will kill someone in a very inhumane way."

"A'ight, Shags. No Eddie," her smile turned into a grin. "So, No Eddie, we ready to think about this project?"

"Not quite yet, Bella," I stated, trying to conjure up my most believable smile. _I wasn't kidding when I said that being called Eddie frustrated me deeply._ "I think that, as friends, we should do a little more of 'getting to know each other.' Like, we should each answer a question. How's that sound?"

"Uhm, okay. So ask," she said, moving back to the bed. She opened the bag of gummies and popped one in her mouth.

_I'm not letting this go until I find out the truth. And it seems as though this is the perfect time to find out the truth, doesn't it?_

"You and Jasper...you claim to be just friends, but I see that there is something more there than what you are alluding to. You say that you guys don't have sex, but your room here, with items in disarray, says otherwise. Do you guys participate in... other activities?"

I noticed that I had grown nervous as to what her answer was going to be, and I nervously patted my hands on my legs.

"Whatya mean by other activities? Sometimes we wrestle like idiots, or headbang to hair metal."

I raised my eyebrow. "You know what I mean by other activities. Ones that... would be illegal for a brother and sister to do."

"Oh, that stuff," she paused and shrugged, "yeah, sometimes. Take the edge off. But there's no feelings attached."

_For fucking real? What the fuck does that mean??_

I swallowed thickly. "Take...take the edge off? What does that mean, Bella?"

"Like when you are stressin', or can't sleep... you know. To take the edge off. Sometimes Myrtle and her compatriots just aren't enough."

_Fuck, fuck, fuck. I fucking _knew _that something was going on between Bella and Jasper._

Just because I had my suspicions didn't make the situation any easier to swallow. In fact, I was downright pissed, to the point where I wanted to clock Jasper across the fucking face for touching something on a routine basis just because he was Bella's same soul, or whatever the fuck Jasper was to her.

"So, we are trying the honesty thing, right? If I was stressed out, it would be perfectly fine with to go to Lauren and have her help me get my rocks off?" I felt my voice start to rise at the end, and fought to keep it in check.

"I mean, I guess if you have that sort of friendship. I don't think you really get Jazz and I. He and I: the same soul. Not two different, the same. Peas in a pod, right? Just extensions of each other. The kinda thing you hint at? He does that with Pixie, not me. And before Pixie, he did that with other birds. He and I are just like an old pair of slippers. He's the right, I'm the left. Kinda useless without each other. Do you get it?"

_She is asking the king of shitty friends to understand the wonderful relationship that she shares with her best friend with benefits? Not going to easily happen, darling. _"I...no, Bella, I don't get it at all. I'm trying," _if I can get past all of the jealousy that is coursing through my veins,_ "but it's just not happening."

"C'mere, Shags," she said, reaching out for my hand.

I raised an eyebrow in question, but complied with Bella's request.

She cleared off the bed and pulled me down beside her. She flopped back, her head landing on a pillow and indicated that I should do the same. Again, I followed her command.

Of course the pillows smelled like Bella...and fucking Jasper.

_Did I mention that I hate that fucker? 'Cause I really, really do._

"What...? I'm confused right now, Bella. Why do you have me lying down next to you? I mean, not that I am complaining..." I trailed off, taking in Bella's beauty before the rage that knowing that Jasper has touched -- all of her -- consumed my mind once again.

"Close your eyes, Shags. Take a deep breath and let it out slow."

I rolled my eyes, but followed her instructions none the less.

"I want you to picture yourself, Shags. Not your physical self ... your bits and pieces, look at the gooey stuffs on the inside - the stuffs that sometimes don't make sense, the perfect and the imperfect. Can you see it, Shags?"

_Outside of me, outside of who I think I am, and into who I really am._

_The stuffs that sometimes don't make sense? That's all-consuming, Bella._

_Breathe in, breathe out. Breathe in, breathe out.  
_  
"Yes," I said, my eyes still closed. "I see it, I think."

"I want you to picture all of that, but picture two of that. Do you see it, Shags? Mirror image, the same, connected. Do you see?"

Bella was still holding my hand, so I squeezed it. Because as much as I didn't want to admit it, she was right. I could, for the first time, see what she was talking about when it came to Jasper.

_But only to a certain degree._

"I do see it, Bella. And I know what you mean when you say that you and Jasper are peas in a pod, and whatever." I sat up on the bed. "But I don't see how that means that you guys can give each other orgasms whenever you want. I...I think that act is something that is reserved for..." _Me. _"Someone else."

I ran my free hand through my hair when I realized what I had just said. _You've never had a problem with friends with benefits before, douchebag. You have gotten off many times before with girls you would have never considered your girlfriend, and yet here you are, chastising Bella for fooling around with her best friend._

_Bella is really fucking getting under your skin, isn't she? _

"Someone else?" she arched a brow.

I lay back down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling as I ignored the looks that Bella was giving me. "Yeah, someone else. You know what I am talking about."

_Please don't make me elaborate, Bella. Please._

"So s'not ok for Jazz, but someone else. Does that include me? I'm okay to flick the bean?" she grinned at me.

I'm pretty sure that my boner returned. I looked casually down at my pants. _Yep, it's back._

"Of course you can flick your own bean, Bella. But I'm not just saying that _anyone_ else can touch you. You know, just, like, the person that you, um, like, or something?" I looked at Bella, who looked amused still. "Does that, um, make sense?"

_My God, could you mumble anymore? You are such a fucking freak, I swear. It makes sense that you can't get Bella back, I wouldn't want you either. You can barely speak English._

"That's kinda funny comin' from you, Shags. I have pictures of you banging Stanley. Is that the person that 'you, um, like'?"

That left me reeling. I mean, yeah, that was completely true. Bella _did _catch me doing some unsavory acts with Jessica Stanley.

_But something has changed since then, and I am not quite sure what._

"Absolutely not. But that's, like, different." _My God, Cullen, your vocabulary and overall linguistics skills definitely leave something to be desired. _

"So lemme get this straight. It would be ok if Jazz and I played hide the pony, but not ok if he flicked me off - 'cause hiding the pony is different than a little mutual rub and tug."

_I absolutely do not want you and Jasper having sex _at all_. I don't even want him seeing you naked, if I am being honest. I want to be the only one seeing you naked._

"Fuck, Bella, you know that's different, too. It's just...shit." I took a deep breath and let it out slowly. "I don't want Jasper doing that shit to you because _I _want to be the one giving you orgasms. _I _want to be the one who takes your stress away. _I _want to be the one that is making you scream my name."

_I can't believe that you just admitted that. Edward Cullen talking about his feelings without the help of alcohol? I mean, what kind of world am I living in?_

Bella bolted up and stared at me hard. "Shags, you don't know what you're chit-chattering about."

"The fuck I don't, Bella." I ran my hand through my hair when I realized that may have been a little too harsh. "I just...we are trying honesty, right? Well, there you go. I am being fucking honest with you right now, and you can take it or leave it."

Bella continued to stare at me for many silently awkward moments before speaking. "Is it my turn now?"

I shook my head but decided to drop it. _She probably doesn't want to hear that kind of shit from you, Cullen, so shut your fucking mouth already._

"Uh, yeah. Sure, it's your turn."

"Have you ever had a genuine friendship? Not clouded by twisties you create?"

I smiled at Bella's word choice. "Yeah, my brother. My brother and I are really fucking close. I would throw myself in front of a bus for him."

She flopped back down on the bed. "Tell me more."

"About my brother?" I scratched the back of my neck. "Um, he is the most genuine person. Perfect in, like, everything, which really made growing up with him hard because he was so fucking perfect. Never failed in anything that he tried, which is a hard pill to swallow when you are talking about siblings. But he...he gets me, you know? He understands what makes me tick, what makes me happy, and so on. I don't know...maybe I don't have any other friends because he had set the standard so high. Of course, the fact that FHS students are fucking freaks for the most part really makes it hard to develop any more genuine relationships, but you get what I mean."

"What was it about your brother? What did you admire?"

"Have you met the guy? He doesn't have a bad bone in his body."

"Don't really know him. Jockus Popularis doesn't really travel outside its own species, dig?"

"Well, when he comes into town next, I will introduce him to you. Besides," I said, running my hands through Bella's hair once again, "I traveled outside of the jocks, or whatever you call them. Don't you know yet that Cullens are different? You can't stereotype us."

_You seriously offered to introduce Bella to Emmett? As what, the girl you want to fuck but are having no luck? Oh yeah, that's a _wonderful _idea. Best you've ever had._

"You traveled outside of the jocks, Shags?"

"No. And clearly you are a jock yourself, so I have no idea what I am talking about." I smiled and rolled my eyes.

"Have you ever actually hung out with some of the other peeps at school? Like Pixie? Or Jacob? Or Angela and Ben?"

"No, I haven't." I sighed. "But I am not opposed to hanging out with them, you know? If you think that they are worth your time, then...they are worth my time, right?"

_Are you just saying these things to get into her pants, or do you really mean them? I mean them, right? I think. I think that I mean them. Her crowd seems cool enough, minus Jacob Black, of course. So it's not like it would be that bad to hang out with them. Besides, your "friends" aren't that much better.  
_  
"Shags, if it weren't for me, would you have hung out with 'em?"

I bit the inside of my cheek and contemplated her question for a moment. "You know the answer to that, Bella. You know that if it hadn't been for you, I would have wasted my last year and a half at FHS floating aimlessly, doing what I have been doing my entire high school career. Getting drunk, having sex with people I don't even like, and hanging out with people that aren't really my friends."

"You should try hangin' with 'em. They are wicked cool peeps. Inspirational. Funny. Good apples."

"Good apples?" I laughed. "I like that. I wouldn't consider anyone that I know a good apple. Except for Emmett, of course."

"Well, Pixie is a bit of a naughty monkey, but still good shit," Bella said, grinning. "She's really good for my Jazz. She's the other half of his soul."

"Alice is the other half to Jasper's soul? While you and Jasper are the same soul, right?" I continued to stroke Bella's hair.

"So smart, young grasshoppah!"

"Ha, ha." The corner of my mouth turned up into a smile. I rolled to my side so I was looking directly at Bella. "So, what does that make me, Bella?"

Bella looked at me like she wanted to say something to me, but couldn't. Bella looked like she was warring with herself, and I couldn't stand seeing her like that. I traced a finger along her cheek and across her lips. "It's okay, Bella. Not a big deal if you can't answer that."

Bella gave me a small smile under my finger tip, and I longed so badly to lean into her and capture her lips with my own.

_I need a distraction, because I can't lean in and kiss Bella right now. She will never forgive me for it._

"So, I know that you hate my guts and stuff, but why were you so adamant to work with Jacob Black instead of me if you aren't dating him? I know that you think that I will stifle your creative flow, but I'm not _that_ bad, am I?"

_Way to just come out and say whatever you are thinking. My, my...you sure have gotten ballsy, haven't you?_

"I don't hate your guts at all, Shags. You... distract me. Make it hard to brain. Jacob doesn't shake my tree like that."

"How do I distract you? I don't understand." _Maybe it's because you are supposed to be working on a school project and you keep changing the subject and ignoring all things school, you douche._

"How? You really need to ask that, Shags? When you are close all I wanna do is stare at you. Examine all the coppery bits in your hair, look into your peepers, touch the stubble along your jaw line, wonder what's goin' on in that brain of yours, think about marshmallow eatin' contests, think about the tinglies ... that's how you distract. Jacob doesn't distract like that."

"If you want to know what's going on in my mind, all you have to do is ask. And I can wear a hat and sunglasses to hide my hair and my eyes if you need. And I can shave the stubble away, too. I don't want to distract you negatively, Bella."

Bella laughed. "Then I'd wonder what was behind the Carmen Sandiego disguise, and what smooth jaw felt like. Don't worry, Shags, I'll be a cool cucumber in this salad."

"You would wonder what my smooth jaw would feel like? That can be arranged," I replied, laughing.

"So we cool workin' together?"

_As long as you don't mind me wanting to jump your bones every second that we are in the same room. _"Oh yeah, of course. I'm not the one who had a problem with the two of us working together."

_Mental note: shave tomorrow morning. Find a way to accidentally brush against Bella with my stubble-free chin. _

"Like I said, Shags, cool cucumber here. So I guess we should talk about the project?"

_No, I just wanna lay here and look at you the entire time. Do we really have to talk about school? _"Whatever you want, Bella. Is there anything else that you want to ask me, or did you just want to get down to business?"

Bella silently studied my face.

"Why me?"

"Why you? What do you mean, Bella?"

"Of all the birds at school, why me?"

"Have you ever looked at yourself? Jesus, Bella, I would be a fool _not _to pick you. Are you kidding me right now?"

_Oh there's that, and the fact that you are the most interesting fucking person I have ever met.  
_  
Bella sat up a bit and looked down at herself. "It's your fetish for necklaces, right?"

I sat up a little bit and focused at the breasts that were being framed by Bella's necklaces. "Oh yeah, you caught me. Necklaces," I replied, smiling.

"No, seriously, Shags," she smiled, "why me? Look at the birds flockin' at school. Take Gothy Gert. She's hot as fuck. Why not her?"

"I'm assuming that Gothy Gert is Leah Clearwater, right?" Bella nodded her head. "Bella, Leah is a bitch. A huge, raging bitch. And because of it, I don't find her attractive. At all." I ran a hand down Bella's cheek and smiled. "But you? Since you have moved here, it's like...everything has gotten better. Forks isn't dull and unattractive anymore. Forks is light and downright fucking cheery sometimes, and it's all because of you. No one, not Leah or any other pretty bitch, has done that for me. Not like you have."

_Holy shit. When did you sprout a vagina? Hello, penis? You still there, or did you run away with my balls?_

"But you hardly know me, Shags."

"I beg to differ, Bella. I mean, I may not know what your favorite book is or what your favorite color is, but I know you. _You_, Bella Swan, same soul as Jasper, daughter of the Fuzz, lover of foods in the orange group, phenomenal artist."

_Hello?? Nope...looks like my penis and balls are gone. I must've traded them in for the new vagina I am now sporting around._

"What do you think you _know_ about me, Shags?"

"Jesus, Bella. What do you want me to know? I've seen you laid bare, Bella, through your art and through your actions and I know that I fucking love what I have seen."

"Oh, okay."

I sighed, pinching the bridge of my nose. "I mean, what do you know about me? Why are you actually agreeing to be in my presence right now? It goes both ways, Bella."

"I know that you struggle, Shags, and I know that you want to be who you really are and not live in the box marked "Eddie"."

_Hmmm...wasn't expecting that. _"So, that's why you are allowing me here right now, lying in bed with you, even after I screwed up the way I did?"

"We're starting over, 'member?"

"Hmm, right. How could I forget?" I questioned, looking into Bella's big, beautiful eyes.

_My God, I just...I...fuck. This woman has some kind of crazy fucking power over me._

Before I could even register what I was doing, I rolled over so I was hovering over Bella, our faces only inches apart. "Before I forget, I wanted to thank you for that."

Bella was looking into my eyes, her lips parting ever so slightly. I leaned in to kiss her mouth, but at the last minute, decided against it. And instead of catching her full lips, I kissed the corner of her mouth instead.

_This isn't right. I want to fucking kiss her on her lips, make her mine. Instead I have to pansy out and kiss the corner of her mouth? What the fuck??_

Bella drew in a breath and her body shuddered. I leaned in and kissed the corner of her mouth once more to see if her mouth would respond with my own. And she reacted, her lips moved with mine so I increased the intensity of the kiss and moved from the corner of her mouth to grab her lips fully with my own. I had to swallow the groan that built up in my throat, as all of Bella's and my playful bantering had served as fucking verbal foreplay. I was seriously ready to cum in my pants within about six seconds of making out with Bella.

Bella grabbed my hair and tried to angle herself for what I could only assume was a better angle. I reached down, moved my hand under her shirt and cupped her breast.

"Fuck, Bella. Just...fuck," I moaned, moving my mouth from her own for just a moment.

Bella attacked my lips again, kissing me hard. My lip smarted but I didn't care. She was arching into my body like a fucking sex kitten, and was driving me absolutely fucking nuts. Her pert nipples were so hard under my touch, and I couldn't take it anymore. I broke away from Bella and was just about to put one of her nipples in my mouth when someone knocked on the door frame.

"Uhm, sorry to crash the party in here, but, Bells-a-bub, the Fuzz will probably be home soon. Probably wouldn't dig you fuckin' Cullen up here."

Bella was breathing hard and grinding against me. I flicked her nipple, still aching to put it in my mouth. "Do we...do we have to stop?" I asked, dreading her answer.

"Don't wanna stop," she moaned breathlessly.

I looked over my shoulder and noticed that Jasper was still standing in the doorway, watching with a disapproving look on his face.

"I don't either," I replied, turning back to her before lowering my mouth onto hers again.

_Yeah, it should probably bother me that Jasper is watching me and Bella right now, but I really don't care. I am not letting that cockblocker block my fucking cock again. No way, no how._

"Fuzz would kill you," she mumbled against my lips.

"How painful a death?" I asked, not even wanting to know the answer. It dawned on me at this moment that my split lip was still tender. But I really did not give a shit, because I was fucking kissing _Bella._

"Bells-a-bub, if you're gunna hide the pony, make it snappy. Don't know how long I can hold him off - although, I doubt Zippy needs long," Jazz said as he pushed away from the door frame and headed back downstairs.

_Fuck you, Jasper. If I wasn't living my Goddamn dream right now, I'd kick your ass._

Bella wrapped her leg around my waist and arched up into me. I leaned down and finally took her nipple into my waiting mouth, her hands threaded in my hair pulling me closer against her.

_Yeah, I am willing to risk death for this. No question in my mind._

I moved my mouth back to hers, and ran my tongue along the outside of Bella's lips before devouring her mouth once more.

I heard a door downstairs slam, and Bella let out a moan before mumbling against my lips.

"He's got a gun."

I pulled back just a little and frowned. "Is it loaded?"

"He's the Police Chief."

"Fuck, Bella. Why do you have to be the Police Chief's daughter? The whole universe is against me, I swear," I sighed as I lifted myself off Bella.

Bella slid out from under me and adjusted her shirt and skirts.

_Why oh why did we have to stop what we were doing? Fucking parents ruining my life._

She smoothed her hair back and reached down for her laptop and paper. "So, uhm, project."

"Right. Um, project. What were your thoughts on the project again?"

"Need music, poem or book thingy. I can't brain."

I ran a hand through my ridiculously messy hair. "Yeah, and you think that _I _can brain? Shit, I can't think of anything but what would have happened if your dad didn't come home..."

_Yeah, my dick can't forget it either. It's straining so hard against my pants, I am actually afraid of it busting loose._

"Maybe we should work on this on the flip side. Let my kitty stop snafooing my think box."

"Or how about we take this to like, my house, and take care of your kitty problem."

_Oh my God, I can't believe you just said that. That wasn't even close to being smooth...you will be lucky if Bella doesn't slap you upside the head._

"As good as that sounds, Shags. I think we should take things like a caterpillar stuck in maple syrup. Be friends. Feel each other out."

_Feel each other out? I like the sound of that. _"I understand, I do. It's just...I'm not ready to leave, I guess." _Yeah, I sure as shit don't want to go home, miserable as fuck, and with a gigantic boner._

"Not kicking you out, Shags. Just ... need to keep hands to ourselves."

"Yeah, I can do that. Not too hard, right?" _Wrong. It's fucking impossible._

The Police Chief's heavy footsteps could be heard approaching Bella's room. He leaned against the door frame much like Jasper had done.

"Bells, what are you up to?"

"Hey Daddy-o, what's shakin' bacon? Shags and I are workin' on a project for Media class. You have a fun day fighting crime?"

"Shags? What sort of name is Shags? Aren't you Doc Cullen's boy?"

"Uhm, yes sir."

_Oh my God, I think I just pissed my pants._

"Well, what's your name son? I doubt your parents named you 'Shags'."

"Ed-Edward," I stumbled quickly. _My God, you are acting like a kindergartner. Get your act together, Cullen. _

"Why are you on my daughter's bed?"

"POPS! Don't embarrass Shaggy. We're working here."

"Keep the door open," he said, eyeing me before he turned and walked away. I could hear him mumbling something about Bella and boys.

"Sorry 'bout that, Shags."

"It's fine. I mean, can't blame him, right?" _Hell no, I can't blame him. His fuckhot daughter is sitting on her bed with me. On the bed that we just fooled around on. Yep, don't blame him one bit._

"He's an old hat. Lost his friggin' mind when I told him Jazz and I share a room. I think he just likes to cause a ruckus."

"Nah. I mean, it's good to know that you have a dad that cares about you, right?"

"Sure, I guess. Don't really know him; we don't really see eye to eye."

"The only reason why my mom and I see eye to eye is because my mom is a reasonable woman who has probably had one too many cocktails over the span of her life. But the Chief? You just moved home. I wouldn't blame him for being a little overprotective. But I do blame him for interrupting us earlier." _I seriously fucking blame him and will probably never forgive him for that._

"Tell me 'bout your Mom," Bella said, lying back on the bed.

I scratched the back of my head. "You know Emmett? She's the reason why he turned out like he did."

"What's she like?"

I furrowed my brow and looked towards Bella's picture wall again. "She lets me get away with murder but calls me out on my shit."

"But what is she like?"

"It's hard to explain, I guess. Have you ever read any of her books?" I asked, lying back on the bed next to Bella. _I don't care if lying in bed with her is a bad idea or not, I am doing it. Because I can't help myself._

"Read a few."

"Really?" Bella nodded her head. "Well, her personality shines through her writing. It's like...you get a look at her when you read what she writes, I guess."

"She must be wicked cool then."

"Really, would you doubt that she was? I mean, she is my mother," I joked, lightly elbowing Bella.

"What about your Pops?"

"You wanna know all the ins and outs of my family, eh?" I asked, chuckling. "Let's just say...my father and I don't get along. At all."

"Well, we're buds right? Gotta know 'bout your family and stuff. Why don't you and your Pops get along?"

"Yeah, we are friends. I guess I won't begrudge you the dirty details of my father because of that, huh?" I stared at the ceiling, unblinking. "Carlisle is a fucking pompous asshole who suffers from tiny dick syndrome. I mean, not that I know that at all, but...if you knew him, you would know what I am talking about."

"What makes him such a douche? Well, besides the tiny twig?"

"He's...not a nice man. I have no fucking idea how Esme is still married to the mother fucker."

"Is there something he does that is so bad?"

"He breathes. And anything that he does because of that -- which is everything, mind you -- is bad. I just...he's a terrible father and a miserable excuse for a human being. Emmett and I used to do things as children just to piss him off. That's how much we disliked him, pissing him off just for the sake of pissing him off, even though at the time, we were just children." I shook my head. "I can't believe that I am telling you all this. I am making my life out to be some sort of dramatic story, when in all reality, I just hate my dad. It's basically as simple as that."

"But he's a doc, so he must do some good shit."

"A terrible doc, at that. Think about it, Bella. If he was any good of a doctor, wouldn't he have been employed somewhere else? I mean, shit, his wife is 'Tanya Denali' for Christ's sake! If he was good at what he does, he could work somewhere other than this Podunk town."

"Well, he must have something good 'bout him. Maybe he is a devil in the sack," she said grinning.

"Bella, please don't ever mention anything like that. Again. 'Cause I mean, maybe Charlie's a devil in the sack, too. How does that feel, babe? Thinking about your dad like that?"

"Doesn't bother me none, Shags. I'm sure the Fuzz busts a nut somewhere with someone. Although, the only peep he spends a bunch of time with is Jacob's Pops. Maybe the Fuzz is gay." She thought about that for a moment. "Eh, regardless, I'm sure he rides someone."

"I can't believe you are so nonchalant about your father having sex."

"He's human."

I looked at Bella and couldn't help but touch her hair once again. "Touché."

We lay in Bella's bed for a few more moments of silence, before I decided that I needed to break the silence. "What are you thinking about, Bella?"

"Thinkin' 'bout my universe, how it's changed. What are you brainin' 'bout?"

"I don't think you want to know," I replied honestly.

"Try me."

"It's not innocent, and I don't think that you want to hear it."

_In fact, I know you don't want to hear it._

"Not innocent? You're not thinkin' of becoming a bunny slayer are you? Or one of those dudes that swindles wrinkly peeps outta their dough..."

"Oh, come on, Bella. You know that it's nothing like that. It's...more...sexual in nature." I cupped Bella's cheek with my palm. "And it's nothing good for me to be thinking about right now."

"I figured, Shags. 'Member ... hands to ourselves, feelin' each other out."

"Yeah, well....you asked what I was thinking about, so...truth, you know?"

"Guess I did. My bad. Do you ever stop thinkin' 'bout sex?" she grinned. She was silent a moment. "Tell me sumthin' no one else knows."

"Something no one else knows, huh? Well, I never stop thinking about sex. At least, not when it comes to you." I laughed. 

_Hey, it's the truth._

"Hope you see me as something more than a home for your twig and berries," she said, frowning.

"Oh, Jesus, Bella. After all that we have talked about today, I would sure hope that you know that is not the case. I mean, if that were the case, I would have fucked you in my car already."

_So obviously it's more than just wanting to fuck her, right?_

_Right.  
_  
"Okay, just makin' sure, Shags. I want it to be more than just hidin' the pony. I mean, I like fucking, but I just want it to be more than that. If it was just about gettin' off, well, got my Jazz for that."

"Bella," I sighed, "will you _please _stop reminding me that you and Jasper 'get off'? I don't know how much more of that I can handle."

"Sorry, Shags. Forgot you have issues with that."

"Yeah, well...please remember for next time. Unless you want me to flip out and give you a hickey to mark you as mine or something, which I could easily do."

"Nah, I'm good, Shags. No hickies required." She was silent for a moment. "Do you think we can be friends?"

_Friends with benefits? Yes. Anything else? I make no promises._

"It's not going to be easy..." I brushed some hair away from Bella's face. "But if it's what I have to do, then I will do it."

_Or I will die trying._

"Okay, so friends stuff, right?" I sighed. "Shit, Bella, I don't even know how to do this. I...I am terrible at being a good friend."

"Well, you were friends with Em right? So just transfer that shit over."

"Right. But I can't necessarily talk sports with you, or how much Carlisle pissed the fuck outta me today, now can I?" I sighed again, letting my melodramatic antics wash over me.

_You can talk to her about things that you know that you have in common, jackass._

_Right. Things in common._

"Why art, Bella? I mean, what got you started in it?"

"'Cause sometimes there are things to say that can't fit into words. You have to show it, capture it, make it yours. Then peeps can see what you had to say, or feel. Sometimes I'm not good with words, but I'm good with pictures. Make sense?"

"Yeah, it makes sense. But you know, I think that you are perfect with your words." _They can either lift me up or fucking slay me. More times than not, it's the latter of the two. _"When did you discover your talent? I mean, every kid glues macaroni to paper and calls it art, but when did you realize that this was more than that?"

"I don't know about talent. I just do what feels right. Sometimes it isn't so easy, Shags."

"Why not?" I asked, frowning.

"Some situations are beyond words."

"So what do you do when you find yourself faced with those kinds of situations?"

"I take pictures, or draw, or map it out like a story board."

I smiled. _So very Bella. _"Do you want to do something like that right now?"

"No, I'm down with right now," she said, smiling at me.

"Okay." I smiled back at Bella as I felt my cell phone in my pocket buzz, indicating that I had a new text. I sat up and fished my phone out of my pocket before I flipped it open and read what the text said.

_Dude, WTF you do to Rose? She is PISSED at you_

Of course Emmett would text me, letting me know that his precious bitch of a girlfriend was mad at me.

_Emmett, Rose was in the wrong to get in my face today. I'll talk to you about it later._

I finished texting and sent the message before I looked back up at Bella. Bella was looking at me, with an almost curious look on her face.

"Emmett texted me, asking me why Rosalie was mad at me. Kinda had to respond, you know?"

"Why is Rosalie mad at you?"

"I, uh, wasn't the nicest to her at lunch. I don't think that she liked that, so..." I rubbed the back of my neck, trying to relieve some of the stress that had built up.

"What did you say to get her panties in a twist?"

Bella sat up with me and started rubbing my neck, taking over where my fingers had been.

_Holy fuck, that feels so fucking amazing._

"I guess she didn't like it when I told her to mind her own fucking business when it came to me talking to you at lunch. She was in a fucking pissy mood and I wasn't about to admit to her that I wanted you more than anything I have ever wanted in my life when you didn't want anything to do with me. So...I may have yelled at her. I think."

"What makes you think I don't want anything to do with you?"

I reached back and grabbed Bella's hand. "You didn't call me back last night."

"I got in late, Shags. Didn't think you'd want to chitter chat that late. Practising some phone etiquette."

I squeezed Bella's hand. "I wouldn't have cared what time you called. I was up...all night."

"Well, I didn't know that. Normal peeps go to bed."

"Yeah, well." _Normal people aren't obsessed with the fact that they fucked up beyond words with you. Normal people can sleep when they haven't fucked around with their conscience. _"Look at me, Bella. Do I look like I have been sleeping at night?"

_Maybe you shouldn't have brought attention to your ugly, beat up face again. What the fuck, Cullen? _

"Looks like someone introduced their knuckles to your face. You gunna tell me about that or is it still hush hush?"

I looked at Bella, whose eyes seemed to be just begging to be trusted. I cleared my throat. "I want to tell you, because I want you to know that I trust you and that I intend on being open in this _friendship _of ours. But I honestly don't know how you will react."

_What the fuck would Bella do if she knew that I got into a fight because of some guys talking shit about her? I have no idea what the fuck she would do._

"Spill it, Shags."

_Looks like I am going to find out right now._

"A couple of guys were commenting on what you were, uhm, wearing today." _Or what you weren't wearing. _"And I didn't like what they were saying, so..."

Bella was silent a moment before she started laughing. "You got in a fight over my clothes?"

_Do I lie and let her think something completely harmless, or tell the truth? Truth. Always the truth._

"Not exactly, Bella."

"Then what?"

I closed my eyes and exhaled. "I just...I didn't like how they were talking about you. Objectifying you, you know? No one talks about you that way in front of me. Because you are..." _Mine. _"Because as fucking gorgeous as you are, the fuckers should really leave you alone."

_Okay, that made absolutely no sense, what so ever. But go with it, man. Maybe she understood what you were trying to say? I mean, it's not easy to say "Hey, Bella. They were talking about how fucking hot you are and I couldn't let them do that because you are mine?" Oh yeah, that sounds _perfect.

Bella started laughing harder. "Shags! Seriously? Everyone objectifies." Her laughter turned into a big grin as she cupped my face between her soft hands. "No need to get into a brawl over that. Promise me you won't do somethin' silly like that again."

"I wish I could, but I really can't promise that, Bella."

"Shags, no more fights 'cause of me. Bad karma."

"Bad karma? For wanting to stand up for you? I don't see it."

_If she thinks that I would just turn a blind eye for that kind of shit, she is dead wrong. I am done with letting people make fun of her in front of me; it's never going to happen again._

"People are gunna say shit, Shaggy. They always have, and always will." She brushed her fingers over my lips. "You can't fight them all. Let 'em flap their chops. It doesn't bother me. Don't let it work you up."

"But it does bother me. And frankly, I am sick of sitting by and just letting it happen. No more, Bella. No more." I replied as I kissed Bella's fingertips.

"You don't need to use your fists, Shags."

"I'll try not to use my fists. But it doesn't help that I really don't give a shit about whether or not I get hurt." _My God, you are a melodramatic idiot, aren't you? Jesus._

"I do, doesn't that matter?"

I grabbed Bella's hand and laced my fingers with hers. "Why do you care, Bella?"

"'Cause... I dunno. I do. You're takin' up residence in my ticker. I care 'bout the peeps that take up space in there."

"Your ticker, huh?" I leaned in closer to Bella. "How was I lucky enough to take up residence in there?"

"I think you wormed your way in."

I smiled and shook my head. "Of course. I mean, it's not like I deserve a place or anything. I think it's either that, or a fluke of some sort." I squeezed Bella's hand to show her that I was joking around with her.

_Holy crap. You, joking around with Bella? No fucking way. Since when did you shed your emotard skin?_

"Nah, I think there was always a spot there for you. I just didn't know it, or maybe I did and was just waitin'."

I raised my eyebrow. "Uh...I don't know how I am supposed to take that, honestly. I am an emotional retard, Bella. A mess, if you will."

"You don't hafta know. Just feel. Don't get all stuck in your brains, Shags. It fucks you up. You brainin' all the time."

"I know, Bella. Just so used to not feeling. Not really thinking, either, if I were honest with myself. I mean, you would be like me, too, if you had friends like I do. Or, did."

"Don't let 'em define you, Shags. Be your own dude."

"Definitely working on that, Bella," I said, squeezing her hand again.

"That's all the universe can ask for," she said, smiling.

My phone buzzed once and started ringing. Pulling it out of my pocket, I noticed that it was Emmett. "Hold on a second, I gotta get this." Bella nodded as I answered the call.

"Emmett, kind of doing homework. Can this wait until I am done?"

_Read: sitting in Bella's motherfucking bedroom and I don't want to waste one moment with her. Homework can go fuck itself for all I care._

"Fuck no, bro. What the hell are you doing? I am not kidding when I say that Rose is pissed at you."

"I get that, Emmett. Just...can we not talk about it now?" I sighed, running my hands through my thoroughly messy hair.

"Why? Homework? Give me a fucking break, Edward. Homework isn't that important." He paused. "Shit...what are you doing?" Emmett asked, laughing.

"Nothing. _God damnit_, Em. Can I call you back?" I closed my eyes and ground my jaw together in frustration.

"No, you fucking cannot. Who are you with right now?"

"I will kill you, Emmett. I am not kidding," I shouted, squeezing my eyes together even tighter. Bella started tracing her fingers along my back, which helped me calm down marginally.

"Did I interrupt you when you were in the middle of something?" My brother let out some kind of strangled cat call. "Oh yeahhhh! E's getting _bussyyy_!"

"Emmett!" I cried, gripping my cell phone even tighter. "Fuck! I am seriously doing homework right now!"

I looked over at Bella, who quirked a brow when I said I was doing homework. _Okay, so maybe I am not doing homework. But that was the original intention, right? Emmett doesn't need to know anything more right now._

Emmett's laughter started to die down. "Look, bro, I will leave you alone if you simply admit to me who it is that you are doing_ homework_ with right now. I like to be a cock blocker just as much as the other guy does."

_Tell him the truth and get him off the phone already._

"Yeah. Sure. I am doing homework with Bella Swan. So I will talk to you later, okay?" I replied hurriedly.

"B-Bella Swan?"

"Yeah."

"Let me talk to her."

"No fucking way, Emmett. Leave her alone."

"Nah, man. I have never talked to her. Just wanted to say 'hi', you know, since she is your new_ study buddy_ and all that now." I could tell that Emmett was smiling.

_This is Emmett, man. He is harmless and really means the best. Right?_

I looked over at Bella with pained eyes and cupped my hands over the phone mouthpiece. "He...he wants to talk to you. Is that...?"

"I'm down with that," she said, holding her hand out for the phone.

I reluctantly handed Bella the phone that I had been angrily clutching and let out a loud breath.

**Bella POV  
**Shags reluctantly handed me the phone. Dunno what the big dealio was for fucknugget's sake. Seriously, was just his brother.

"What's up, buttercup?" I said in greeting.

Emmett laughed. "You are a saucy one, aren't you?"

"More like mellowy goodness. What's shakin'? You ridin' Shag's balls 'bout sumthin'?"

I watched Shags acting all nervous like, twitchin' like a jonesing mofo. You'd think Em was tellin' me all his dirty secrets. _Hmmmm .. maybe I could get a filthy or two. _I gave Shags my best reassuring smile.

Emmett let out another rip-roaring guffaw. "Ridin' Shags balls? I am assuming Edward is Shags, right?"

"Well yeah, who else would I be chitter-chattin' about? Didn't think you'd call askin' 'bout the Fuzz."

"The fuzz? I like you, Bella. You are fucking funny, you know that?"

"Dude! I am a ball of fuckin' gigglesnorts. And you ain't too shabby yourself, Capt'n-T. So, what were you bustin' Shags 'bout? Thought he was gunna blow a vein or stroke out." Shag's brother was pretty cool soundin' on the phone. Maybe college made you free or some shit.

"Just inquiring about his after school activities. You know, he did something today to piss my girlfriend off, so I wanted to question him about it. But then when I found out that he was talking to you, I wanted to say hi."

"Your bird is Rosalie, yeah?"

"Oh yeah."

"Shags was tellin' me 'bout that. Seems she got her panties in a twist 'cause Shags came to talk to me at lunch while I was snakin' and he wouldn't tell Rosalie what he was talkin' to me 'bout. That 'bout right, Shags?" I looked at Shags who was still lookin' like a bag of guppies 'bout to be fed to a lobster. He nodded nervously at me. "That's the dealio, Capt'n!"

"Shit, Bella. You seem like a girl who knows her shit, you know? We need to sit down and have a drink or something when I am in town next. If E lets you out of his sights or something."

"Not a fan of wobbly pops, but I got this friend Myrtle. You will DIG her shit. She packs a punch but is wicked cool after. We can even invite Shags if he's a good boy." I grinned at Shags, who looked like he was poopin' his pantaloons.

"Bella..." Shags whispered.

"And who is this famous Myrtle?"

"DUDE! Myrtle is wicked awesome wrapped in swirly paint and rhinestones... hold up Capt'n T." I looked at Shags and mouthed 'what?'. Shags sat there, grindin' his chompers.

"Fuck, Bella. Myrtle sounds amazing. That is, as long as you just described a bong and not a ginormous dildo." Emmett let out another laugh.

"Oh hells no, Capt'n T. His name would be Buckin' Rogers, a far cry from Myrtle if you ask me. Although, the two could go hand in hand."

"Your dildo's name is Buckin' Rogers? You are telling my _brother _this? Good Christ," Edward faintly sighed, running a hand over his mug.

Capt'n T simply chortled some more and I'm pretty sure I heard him slap something on the other end of the line.

"Well ,Shags, he asked. Besides, I'm sure Capt'n T isn't naive to the names of dildos or vibes," I said, moving my gabber away from the mouthpiece.

"So Capt'n T, Shags said you were a good apple. When you comin' back to Sporks?"

"Fuck. Probably this weekend, I miss it there, believe it or not. And awww, little brother said that I was a 'good apple'? How nice of him."

"Shags, is a'ight, well, when he isn't brainin' all the time. I think he wants to chitter-chat with you. He's got this anxious look on his busted up mug."

"Busted up mug? Ha, another fucking thing to ask him about. It was nice to talk to you, Bella. And hey, keep my brother on his toes, okay? It's been awhile since he has seen some actual excitement."

"No worries, Capt'n T. I'll do my best to keep him hoppin'. Here's Shags ..." I tossed the phone back to Shags who looked uber relieved that I had finished talking to his frère.

Edward grabbed the phone and put it up to his ear. "Happy now, fuckface? Yeah, I'll call you when I get home." He closed the phone and stuffed it back into his pocket.

"You okay, Shags? Not mad 'bout what I said?"

"Seri

ously, Bella? I'm not mad at you. I _couldn't _be mad at you. I'm a little pissed at my brother, but that's a different story."

"Why you pissed at Capt'n T?"

"Seriously, B? He just...wouldn't take no for an answer, would he?" He ran a hand through his fucktastic hair. "Fuck it. It's not like I wasn't going to tell Emmett about you myself. I am kind of glad that you were able to talk to him a little before you had to meet him in person."

"He sounds like good shit, Shags."

"He is."

"You serious about me meetin' him?"

Shags sat on the bed and leaned in close. I could feel the heat from his body, smell his coppery bits hair, almost feel his skin.

"Of course I am, Bella. I know Jasper, kind of, so why wouldn't I want you to know Emmett?"

"'Cause of Rosalie," I whispered, closing my peepers and bringing my noggin' closer. I could feel his breath tickle my face.

"Fuck Rosalie. Fuck them all."

My sneaky tongue darted out and licked his bottom lip, split n' all. The tinglies shot through that simple touch and I felt a whimper whimpering in my throat. His lips met mine, moving and mimicking.

"Bella...fuck," Edward whispered between kisses.

I pulled away, my breath all soft gasps, and opened my eyes slowly.

"Gunna be hard to be friends, Shags."

He moaned. "Think I don't know that? Damnit."

I took in a deep breath to centre my inner gooey bits and to make sure the tinglies were well in order, and see if the pool my kitty fell in would dry a bit.

"Gotta try." I didn't sound very convincing. In fact tree frogs soliciting princesses were more convincing than I was. He just did things to my brains and my other non-braining bits.

"Mmhmmm. Try..."

Shag's hand slid under my skirt, startin' at my ankle and inchin' its slow, teasin' way up my leg. The tinglies shot straight to my kitty and I could feel my legs parting ever so slightly, invitin' him in, wantin' him to continue... to ease the pressure, extinguish the heat. His fingers caressed and traced promises along my inner thigh, and I could barely breathe - my lungs were clearly on vacation. Somewhere a brain cell was firing and I trapped his hand before it could pet the kitty.

"Shags ..."

His shoulders slumped. "I...I couldn't...I'm sorry."

"No sorry. It's just..." I stopped and took a deep breath. "just if you start that, I'll wanna finish. And I wanna but don't wanna be there yet. Dig?"

"Uh, yeah. Dig." He cleared a goblin from his throat. Maybe he was going to say something...

"What is it, Shags?"

"Nothing. It's stupid."

"No, tell me."

"It's just...I can't help but think about where we would be right now if I hadn't..."

"Hadn't what, Shags?"

His hand twitched on my thigh. "If I hadn't fucked up."

"Shags, can't live in the land of what ifs."

"Yeah, I know that." His hand started making lazy circles on my bare skin.

"So, uh, didn't you wanna come over tomorrow to work on the project?"

Horny bastid licked his lips. "Tomorrow? Yeah. Sure. Tomorrow works, I guess."

"But we gotta actually work on it, dig?"

"Gotcha."

"K. Deal."

"Listen," Shaggy said, looking at the ground. "I should probably get going. Otherwise, you know, Emmett will harass me even more, and I am pretty sure I am gonna get an earful as it is."

"You tell 'im I said not to ride yer balls."

He smiled, sliding his hand from beneath my skirts. "Will do, Bella."

Shags and I stood. "Guess I'll walk you to the Shag mobile."

We walked down stairs, past the Fuzz and Jazz who were watching Spaceballs, and out the front door to his shiny car. "On the flip side, Shags."

"Yeah, um, listen," he started nervously. "Can I just...will you come here?" He held out his arms like he wanted a hug or sumthin'.

I stepped into his arms and placed my noggin under his chin. I felt his arms wrap 'round me like a cozy sweater.

He buried his nose in my luscious locks. "Bella..."

"Mmmmm?" I didn't wanna stop feelin' his arms, or his chest, or my legs between his.

"Is it weird that I don't want to let you go?"

"Will make it awful hard to drive..." I made no attempt at moving. Shags smelled as good as he felt.

"No. See, I can just grab you here," he said, grabbing my ass, "and carry you to my car, keeping you on my lap the entire drive...it would work."

"Except my pops is the Fuzz. Somehow I doubt lap drivin' is legal ... much like lap dancin' and other lap activities in public."

"Then I will just...carry you? You could hop on my back and we could leave my car here."

"Carry me to where, Shags?"

He sighed into my hair. "My house. Fuck, anywhere."

I pulled away from him slightly and looked up into his fall-into-me eyes. "Self control, young grasshoppah. I'll see you on the flip side."

"Right." He ran a hand through his hair. "Self control."

I gave him a cheeky grin and leaned forward to whisper in his ear. "Besides, now you have enough material to go home and spank it." I laughed and danced away from him, just out of his reach.

His cheeks reddened like a tomato. "Since you have been in my life, I always have enough material," he whispered, barely loud enough for me to hear.

"Well, now you have the tactile to go with the visual and imagined."

I danced back up to the house.

"Tomorrow, Shags."

* * *

**E/N: **Reviews are like gummy worms. And although that may not mean a lot to you guys, gummies are what this pregnant woman craves (thanks a lot, Paige! :) )  
Reviewers get a teaser :)


	12. Stupidity and Kitties

**A/N: **It's Paige's birthday today!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY PAIGE!!!

Sorry for the delay you all! Paige has been busy moving, and I have been busy getting ready for the baby and planning a wedding. How freaking exhausting! LOL :)

As usual, neither of us own anything Twilight related. But after seeing some pics taken on the Bel Ami set, I think it's pretty safe to say that Robert Pattinson owns us!

**  
Edward POV**

"So, asshole, mind telling me why you felt it necessary to harass Bella?" I questioned as I walked into the house and headed up to my bedroom.

"You are a douchebag, Edward. I clearly didn't harass her. I mean, I was merely chatting with her, no harassment involved."

I took a deep breath and shook my head. "Didn't sound that way to me." I reached my bedroom and plopped down on my bed with my phone in hand.

"Bullshit, bro. I was the one on the other line, remember? Your beautiful Bella wasn't being harassed one bit. In fact, she was playing along. Seems like you have one chill woman there."

I smiled to myself. _Emmett has no idea just how fucking fantastic Bella really is. _"Regardless, asswipe. I don't know if she was ready..."

"Ready? Ready for what? What's going on between you two, E? Something I should know about?"

I squinted my eyes closed and paused. _Yes? No? Maybe? _"I don't know, Emmett."

"Holy fuck," Emmett exclaimed so loudly that I had to move the phone away from my ear. "That's all the answer I need."

I clenched my jaw shut. "Shut up, asstard."

"E's got a giiiiiirlfriend," Emmett playfully sang. "And her name is..."

"I said shut the fuck up, Emmett." My voice was hard, and Emmett realized that I was serious and stopped making cat-call sounds. "I mean, goddamnit, you have no idea what you are talking about."

There was a long pause on the other line. "Listen, Bro, if you need my help or advice or anything..."

I sarcastically laughed into my phone. "Your advice? You don't even know Bella. Or the situation, so..."

"Oh, I know I don't know what's going on, but I am willing to find out if you decide that you want my help."

"I know." I frowned, running my hand over my face. "It's just...I've been given so much advice, you know? But nothing is going to get me what I want because I fucked up so badly already."

"Uh..." Emmett mumbled, clearly confused.

"I know you have no idea what I am talking about. Just...go with it, okay?"

"Sure." Emmett let out a small chuckle. "I mean, who would have guessed it? Edward the emotard, being an emotard."

"Ha ha." _However true that may be._

"So, since we are avoiding the real topic at hand, when you gonna tap that?"

I shook my head and tried to smile. _Typical Emmett. _"I, uh..."

"So, you are trying, huh? And it's not working?"

_It's like he's a mind reader or something_. "Not exactly."

_What are you talking about? That's exactly what it is._

"Ummmhmmm, right." He let out a loud chuckle. "E, this is new territory, isn't it? You aren't used to girls not putting out." I could tell that Emmett was smiling over the phone, and it was irritating me.

"Bella's all new territory, man. So, sleeping together or not, it's all new."

"I would imagine that. Like I said, she seems chill...nothing like the other girls from FHS."

I pursed my lips. "Nope, not at all."

Emmett paused for a second. "Listen, about Rosalie..."

That got my attention. "Mind your own business, Em."

"No, I am not trying to fight with you on this. I just...fuck, E. I don't want my only brother to be fighting with my girlfriend, okay? It would mean a lot to me if you guys could get along."

"Hey, it's not my..."

"How would you feel if Bella and I didn't get along? What if we fought? How would that make you feel?"

_That's different though, Emmett. Bella wouldn't pick a fight with anyone. She's too good a person to do that kind of shit. But regardless...if the two most important people in my life didn't get along, I couldn't imagine how I would deal with myself. _"Not good, I guess."

"Right, man. Please, please, _please _try your hardest not to piss her off these next few days, okay?"

"Yeah, but..."

"I know that she has to work on it too. Just...don't be your normal asshole self. I know that you can bite your tongue, man. I have seen you do it for fucking years."

I tapped my foot on the floor before I leaned back onto my bed. "Rosalie doesn't like Bella, man."

"What? Why do you say that?" Emmett asked innocently. _A little _too_ innocently, wouldn't you say?_

I scratched the bottom of my chin for a moment, before a light bulb went off.

_Asshole knows something that I don't regarding Rosalie and Bella. And clearly I am not imagining Rosalie's distaste for Ms. Swan._

Emmett noticed my quietness and grew uneasy. "I...uh...listen, we don't have to talk about this right now."

"Bullshit," I spat into my phone, "we are gonna do exactly that. So spill, tell me what you know."

"I don't think that's a good idea. I mean, Rosie told me all of this confidentially, and I don't want to ruin her trust."

"Fuck that, Emmett. This is me you are talking to, okay? Need I say more?" _I better not have to say more. I fucking tell you _everything_, even though I may question it, because that is the kind of bond that we fucking have. If you break that bond, or the fucking trust that I hold in you, I will go apeshit._

He sighed. "No, of course not. I mean, it's nothing, you know? You know Rosalie and her grudges."

I hummed in response.

"She doesn't like Bella because she says she doesn't trust her. Says that she feels that she is trying to hide something by the facade she wears."

I clenched my fist, a habit I just now realized I had when I was frustrated. "That is fucking bullshit, man, and I..."

"Don't stress about it, E. Rose doesn't like a lot of people, you know?"

"Gee, big surprise, Emmett," I replied sarcastically. "I mean, slap me over with a feather."

"Shut the fuck up, man. I don't make fun of your girlfriend, and I expect the same respect."

"Yeah," I ran a hand through my hair once again. "But Bella isn't my girlfriend, so..."

"What?" Emmett questioned. "I mean, huh?"

"Articulate. Way to find your words, man."

"Sorry, I just...wow. The way you were getting all possessive over her, and...all of this fucking attitude change of yours...I would have thought that she was your girlfriend or something."

"Well, no, Em. We have kinda already discussed this. Bella isn't your normal kind of girl, and she doesn't put up with shit. And, well, I haven't been...perfect..."

"So what you are saying," Emmett chuckled, "is that Bella isn't easily swayed by your charms? That you can't just throw her a crooked smile and have her melt into a puddle at your feet?"

"Ha ha," I replied sarcastically. "You are such a jackass, Emmett."

"Whatever, girlfriendless fuckface."

I rolled my eyes. "You know, it's times like this when it royally pisses me off that you aren't here in person so I could slap you across the face."

"Like you could ever slap me across the face. My ninja skills and I are far too fast for you."

"Ninja skills?" I let out a laugh. "Emmett, watching _Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles_ does not make you a ninja."

"Whatever, you know you're just jealous."

"Right." I shook my head, smiling. "Listen, gotta let you go, man. Gotta get to bed, haven't been sleeping lately."

"Wait! I never got to ask you about what happened at football practice."

_Goddamn it! He is making me spill a lot to him tonight, isn't he? _"Got into a fight with Newton and Crowley because they were talking about Bella and how much they wanted to tap that."

Emmett let out a low whistle. "Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Seems like this Bella is really good for you. You actually stood up to those two idiots?"

"Yep."

"I like that woman."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Just wait until you meet her. She is fucking fantastic, man."

XXX

School was...monotonous. Worthless. I would have fucking skipped to catch up on the sleep that I so desperately needed, but it seemed a crying shame to skip a day of school when I would be able to sit right next to Bella for almost an hour of that day.

But I should have fucking skipped. Because our "in class activity" was a group activity...and Bella and I weren't in the same group.

_What the fuck? Talking to Bella was the only reason I fucking came to school, and I don't even get to do it? Bullshit, man, bullshit._

Luckily for me, I had successfully avoided just about everyone the entirety of the day by hanging around outside and smoking a cigarette every free chance I got. Honestly, I wasn't ready to "apologize" to Rosalie, and I didn't want to see the happy grins on Mike and Tyler's faces when they saw the busted up lip I was sporting.

Because practice the night before was considered an "anti-team building activity", coach decided to cancel practice for the night for all of us to "get our heads back in the game" and to "remember that we are all on the same team and fighting within the team is not acceptable."

_Blah blah fucking blah. I will kick anyone's ass if they ever talk about Bella in a way that is not appropriate. I don't care if I have to kick my entire roster of teammates' asses, I'll do it._

Finally, after what seemed like a fucking eternity, the school day ended. As I was walking out to my car, I noticed a small commotion near Rosalie's car. My gaze lingered for just a moment longer and I recognized the person who was standing next to the queen bitch herself.

I jogged over to the car with a smirk on my face. "Emmett! You mother fucker, I had no idea you were coming home today!"

I stopped right in front of him, and he reached over and punched my arm. "That's 'cause it was going to be a_ surprise_, dumbass."

"Whatever, dickweed."

Emmett wrapped his arm around Rosalie once more and pulled her close enough to place a kiss on her lips.

_Fucking gross. As much as I fucking miss Emmett, I don't miss his public displays of affection with Rosalie. One bit._

"Babe, when are we gonna head back to my house?" Rosalie whined, turning her face away from everyone and wrapping her arms around Emmett.

"Soon, Rose. Calm your horses, okay? I gotta say hi to my little brother and shit, you know?"

"Awww, but babe..."

"If I was just gonna hang out with you, I would have surprised you at home," Emmett said, attempting to tickle Rosalie's sides. The whole moment that I witnessed was making me sick to my stomach, and I wanted to vomit all over my brother and his bitch of a girlfriend.

"So, man, how you doing today?" Emmett asked, turning his attention away from his needy bitch.

I ran a hand through my hair. "Okay, I guess?"

"You look like shit, bro. Maybe your lady friend can take care of that for you."

Rosalie and the group around us, which was mainly comprised of jocks and cheerleaders, laughed.

"Lady friend?! Edward? Ha!" Rosalie giggled maniacally.

While I ignored her comment, Emmett questioned it. "Why is that so funny?" Emmett was looking between Rosalie and I, and I was reminded of our conversation the night before.

_Gotta try being nice to Rosalie. Even if it kills me._

"Edward and lady friends right now? I haven't seen him around a proper member of the opposite sex since...the fucking party that we threw, when he carried Jessica upstairs so he could fuck and duck."

_You have to be nice to Rosalie, you have to be nice to Rosalie..._

I shook my head and rolled my eyes, not wanting to remember the time at the party with Jessica. And Bella's camera.

_Why not? It's not the first -- or tenth -- time that you fucked that skank. Because it was the first time that I fucked someone and had the person that I liked take a fucking picture of it._

"Yeah, E, you can do so much better than what you have been doing. Why don't we hang out more?" Lauren, the whoreface whose favorite thing to do was give BJs, asked.

"Uhm, because..." _I have better things to do with my time than spend it with shallow people like you? Yeah, that pretty much sums it up._

"Yeah, Edward," Rosalie piped up. "Why don't you guys hang out more? Oooh! Why don't you guys go to the homecoming dance together! Lauren doesn't have a date, and you could come and join the real world for a moment instead of slumming it." _And Rosalie officially turned her suggestion into another way to diss me. Nice._

Lauren squealed and grabbed my arm. I fought the instinct to yank my arm back from her and instead gritted my fucking teeth and closed my eyes in annoyance.

"Puh-lease, Edward? Please go with me?"

I took one look at Whoren, who was still on my arm, and shook my head. "No, sorry." _Not happening._

"Oh, come on, E! It would be so much fun! We could hang out with Emmett and stuff; you know that he will be Rose's date."

I looked over at Emmett. _Shit. Lauren does have a point. Does this count as being nice to Rosalie? Do I have to do this to make her happy, and in turn, make Emmett happy? I feel like I am caught between a rock and a hard place. As much as I don't want to hang out with any of these people, Emmett had asked me to make an effort with Rosalie. And if I decline this idea of hers, will she be pissed off? Probably. Fuck. Me._

I started to shake my head "no" again, when Rosalie herself grabbed my arm.

"You can't have anything better to do that night. And if you go with Lauren, you get to see Em."

Rosalie almost looked sincere. The fact that she was pushing the fact made it..._impossible _to say no to her.

_'Cause I need to make nice with Rose, right? For Emmett?_

"Yeah, whatever," I said, looking at Emmett.

Emmett's jaw dropped open, and he looked speechless for a moment. "E...what the...fuck? Did you seriously just agree to that?"

Lauren jumped up and down. "Yes! He did just agree to that!" She wrapped her arms around my neck, and I quickly shrugged her off. "I can't wait, Eddie! We are going to have so much fun!"

_What the fuck did I just agree to? Emmett doesn't seem pleased at all._

"Edward," Emmett hissed, "what about Bella, you douchebag?"

"I, uh..." _FUCK! Holy mother fucker! Regardless of the fact that we are not even dating, I have got to be the DUMBEST fucking idiot to agree to going with Lauren without even thinking about consulting Bella first! How the fuck could I not have thought that Bella would be upset about this? I mean, yeah, dances don't seem to be Bella's thing. But that doesn't mean that she shouldn't be given the choice to go with you if she wants to!_

You are a world class fucktard. World class fucktard who will never deserve Bella Swan because you keep fucking up.

"Now I see what you are talking about when you say that it is complicated...because _you _keep complicating things! Really, Edward? I can't believe someone related to me could be so stupid...it looks like you inherited more of Carlisle's genes than we had originally thought."

_Okay, so Emmett is really pissed at me. And rightfully so._

"I don't even know, Emmett...I...I..._fuck_." I turned to walk away as I heard Lauren calling out to me.

"I will be the best date you have ever had, Edward! I swear!"

I slapped myself in the face...hard. _Did I seriously just agree to willingly subject myself to a night of torture from Lauren Mallory?_

Fuck me...I did.

I fucking hate my life.  


XXX

Pushing all other thoughts aside, I pulled my car into park and slipped out, practically bounding up to Bella's front door.

_I am not ashamed to admit that I am excited to see Bella. 'Cause quite frankly, I am a little past trying to avoid how this woman affects me._

I anxiously knocked on the door, and waited a moment or two before Jasper answered.

My excitement deflated substantially when I noticed that Jasper was only wearing a towel wrapped around his waist. A toothbrush in his mouth made the situation even more awkward.

"Ah...hi. Is, um, is Bella here?" I asked, keeping my eyes trained on Jasper's. _'Cause, like, what if the wind blew his towel down or something? Yeah, I have seen my fair share of ugly asses in the locker room, but none of them were _Jasper,_ Bella's pseudo fuck buddy. I am _not_ in the mood to see what he looks like under the towel and not artistically hidden behind anything._

"Cullen," he said, pulling the tooth brush out of his mouth. "Upstairs." He turned and walked into the house, heading upstairs himself to the bathroom.

"Thanks." I followed him up the stairs and stopped in front of Bella's room.

The door was open, and she was lying on her stomach on her bed, flipping through books while listening to music (which I think may have been Bob Marley).

Bella looked absolutely stunning just lying there, and I ached to roll her over and cover her body with my own.

"Fucking beautiful," I thought to myself. It didn't take long before I realized that I had actually muttered the sentence out loud.

"Hey, Shags!" Bella said, hearing me and smiling. "Ain't so bad yerself."

I couldn't help it. Bella's statement of at least _noticing _me made me instantly hard.

Before I was able to even enter the fucking room (yeah, I had to stall to adjust myself a little bit so I was at least a _little_ appropriate as I entered Bella's room and our so-called "friends zone"), Jasper bumped right past me and entered the room himself.

The motherfucker was wearing only his goddamn underwear; and as he buzzed around the fucking room, gathering clothes to wear, he leaned down and kissed Bella on the lips. It wasn't a searing kiss by any means, but it was enough to get my blood fucking _boiling. _

"I'm taking Landau to pick up Alice. You good with that, Bells-a-bub?"

"Yeah, Jazz. Give the Pixie a hug for me. And remember - no babies in the Landau."

"I got it, Bells-a-bub. You be good, kitten cat."

_Goddamn motherfucking son of a bitch fucking dickhead piece of worthless shit cocksucker..._

Bella and Jasper made these weird fish-faces to each other until Jasper brushed past me and walked out of the room.

I was standing in the doorway, hands clenched tightly after the fucking intimacy I had just witnessed (affection that I was not cool with, one bit), and Bella was looking at me like nothing had happened.

_Bullshit._

Before I even knew what I was doing, I had practically charged the bed and threw myself onto Bella, turning her in the process. I had my lips on Bella's in seconds flat, and it was as though I was begging her to return my kiss. She laid there for a few seconds, stunned, before her mouth reacted to mine. I revelled in her taste and the way her perfect lips felt against my own as I felt myself grow hard again.

_Fucking delicious._

After what seemed like hours, I broke the kiss and looked at Bella. I reached over and tucked a piece of stray hair behind her ear before placing one more quick kiss on her lips and lifting myself off her.

"UHm, hello to you too, Shaggy. What was that for?"

I smiled shyly for like, the first time in my life. "Yeah, uh, sorry about that. I just...couldn't help myself?"

"Not that I'm complainin'," she grinned. "Have dude huggin' after school or sumthin'?"

"Nah, not tonight. But, um, actually, Emmett stopped by after school and surprised everyone."

"Capt'n T?! Sad I missed meetin' him. Sounded like a good apple on the phone."

"Yeah, he is a good apple." _Who is possibly pissed at me for agreeing to take Lauren to the dance._

Rosalie sure seemed pleased with my decision. Why wasn't Emmett happy that I did what he asked of me? Jesus Christ, I can only do so much.

I scrubbed my hand along my face, the cut on my lip from football practice yesterday still healing. "So, uh, what did you do after school?"

"Just hung with Jazz, the usual. I was browsin' through some books and music for the project too."

"Right," I said distractedly, still thinking about Emmett. "Sounds fun."

"What's up, Shags?"

I looked up at Bella and furrowed my brow. "Um...nothing?"

"Thought we were past all this shit, Shags."

I took in a deep breath and let it out slowly. "What shit, Bella?" I ran my hand over my face again. "I'm just...frustrated, I guess? Had a shit day."

_Understatement, asshole. You somehow got convinced to take Lauren to the dance. What the fuck is that, dickhead? Well, Bella said that she wants to be friends, right? Friends can take others to dances, right? It's not like Bella is your girlfriend._

No shit, asshole. And with thoughts like that, you don't deserve to have her as a girlfriend.  
  
"You keepin' secrets..."

I leaned over and grabbed Bella's hands gently. "I'm sorry; I am honestly not trying to keep secrets from you. I just...fuck. Got myself into a stupid situation, and I am pissed about it. And you bringing up Emmett kind of reminded me of it."

"Did you wanna chitter chat 'bout it?"

"I guess. I mean, I need to tell you anyways, so..."

Bella looked up at me with her beautiful eyes. Beautiful, trusting, and hopeful eyes. _What in the fuck did I get myself into??_

"I agreed to go with Lauren to the homecoming dance. It wasn't intentional by any means, it just kind of...happened. And I wasn't sure if you would go anyways, and I...I hope you aren't upset." My sentences came out rushed, because I was worried about how she would respond and ashamed that I had to admit to the fucking situation in the first place. _This messed up Lauren shit was all a mistake that should have never fucking happened, assface._

Bella looked sad for a moment, but then hid her emotions.

"Oh... that's... that's good, Shags. Glad you found someone to go with. I mean, I wasn't sure if I was gunna go anyway. I mean, gotta keep your clothes on at those kinda dances."

Bella gave me a half-hearted smile, which I half-heartedly returned. "Right, no. Definitely gotta keep the clothes on." _Since Lauren is my date, there is no way in hell my clothes are going anywhere. But now, if Bella was my date...that would be a different story. Christ, her dad would probably get called to haul us away to jail for public indecency._

I reached my hand over and softly stroked Bella's hair, the idea of her not attending the dance at all tugging on my heart. "You gotta go to the dance, Bella. I mean, you are my friend, right? And I am the football captain, and I need your support that night in case I lose us the game or something." I leaned in to Bella a little closer. "Please come. Even though I am a shit head and have Lauren as a fucking 'date'. I just...I need you there."

_Way to be a vulnerable pussy. Jesus Christ, Cullen, Bella turns you into a blubbering woman._

"I dunno. Not really my kinda gig. I'll think about it. Do you wanna start workin' on the project?"

_Okay, so clearly Bella was trying to change the subject. _"Yeah, we can start working on the project...soon. But first, I kind of wanted to talk more about this dance."

I leaned in and ghosted my lips above Bella's ear. "Why are you being so evasive about this? Is there something you aren't telling me about the dance? I mean, you got me to spill the beans about what was bothering me, so...what's bothering you, beautiful Bella?"

"No... maybe, I dunno." She looked away from me. "Just thought maybe you'd ask me, even though I probably wouldn't have gone. Just thought... but you know, it's cool. I dig. 'Sides, it's not like I'm cut out for that kinda dancin'. Big poofy dresses n' stuff."

I drew Bella's earlobe into my mouth and sensually sucked on it before letting it go and placing a kiss right underneath her ear. "Trust me, Bella. I wanted to ask you, I just...I have no fucking idea why I agreed to go with Lauren. It was stupid and...not what I wanted, at all." I lay next to Bella still holding her hand. "I want to see you there; I want to see you dressed up all fucking sexy and...fuck, I wish you were mine to take in the first place."

"It's done. I get it. I'm not yours. How 'bout we talk 'bout sumthin' else?"

My eyes narrowed. "Woah, woah, woah. That is _absolutely _not the reason why any of this happened, Bella. And before you ask me to do it again, I will not drop it or talk about 'something else' until this, right here, this stupid situation I got myself into, is done being talked about. I don't want there to be any bad feelings between us, Bella. I have come too far," _and obsessed too much, _"to have anything like this be a problem between us."

"I get it, Shags. I dunno what there is to talk about."

"You get what, Bella?"

"That you asked Lauren. I'm cool. We're just friends. You can ask whoever you want."

"Yeah, but I _didn't_ ask her. _ Lauren_ asked _me_, Bella. If I would have asked anyone, it would have been you. It kills me that you would think otherwise."

"You could have said no."

"I know; I was so fucking stupid. I mean, I tried to, but...I gave in. I was talking to Emmett the night before, and he asked me to at least be civil to Rosalie, and...fuck...I don't know. Rosalie just gave me this look when I refused Lauren, and I didn't want to start another fight between her and I for Emmett's sake. It was stupid, and I know it, and...if you want me to call Lauren up and tell her that I am already going with Isabella Swan, I will do it."

_Operation pussified is complete.  
_  
"I'm not gunna tell you what to do, Shags."

"I know you aren't, but...would you prefer it if I cancelled with Lauren? Because quite frankly, I don't give a shit about Lauren. Or Rosalie, for that matter. I care about you, and what you think, and...I don't want you to be upset with me."

"It doesn't matter, Shags, 'cause I'm not going anyway."

I let out a long breath. "If I told you that it meant a lot to me, would you go? You know, for me?"

_Time to find out how much she really cares, huh?_

"I probably would, but it doesn't matter. You are going with Lauren and I'm not goin'."

"Bella," I said, giving her a small kiss on her forehead. "Will you please go to the homecoming dance? For me?"

"I'll think about it, Shags. No promises."

"No promises? Not even if I tell Whoren that I am going with you instead?"

"Why are we still talkin' 'bout this, Shags. I said I'll brain 'bout it."

"Because, I am clearly masochistic and enjoy being rejected? I don't know. I mean, it bothers me, a lot, so...I feel like I have to keep talking about it? I don't know."

"Listen, Shags. Those kinda big dances have never been my thing, dig? I like drums and dancin' in the desert. So I'll think 'bout going, but no promises."

"Makes sense." I tried to keep myself from feeling rejected, but I couldn't stop. It was just...getting rejected by Bella was all too familiar and fucking painful. "So, have you ever gone to a school dance? Something tells me you haven't."

"Nope. Jazz and I always did our own thing instead."

I smiled, imagining what antics they could have gotten themselves into. "Like what, Bella?"

"One year we got these ridiculous cow costumes and went to a theme park. Then there was a time we just chilled with Bernie - she came before Myrtle - and watched the stars."

I smiled, imagining Bella running around in a cow costume. _This woman really is ridiculously unique. _"What else?"

"Last year we dressed up as an 18th century Victorian couple, put on thick English accents and had tea at this fancy pants hotel. Jazz was hardcore funny: 'I do say, Bells-a-bub, this tea is smashing.' I nearly peed my bustle. Although, his dreads really didn't go with the time, but it was gigglesnorts anyway."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "That sounds...like you guys had a lot of fun. Definitely not anything that I have heard before."

"Yeah, well, we like to do different stuff."

_And that's why I adore you. _"Is it okay for me to say that I am jealous of you? Or is that too much of a recurring theme in our conversations?"

"Why are you jealous?"

"The freedom. The sheer uniqueness of it all. Sounds so much better than going to a school dance and trying to spike the punch, you know?"

"I guess it all depends on what you are used to. Jazz and I didn't have a traditional childhood."

"Tell me about it." I reclined on the bed and looked at the beautiful woman who was now lying right next to me.

"We travelled around a lot - Canada, the US, Mexico - and there weren't many rules. Jazz and I were free to do what we wanted... for the most part anyway."

"What weren't you allowed to do?"

"Skip too much school, murder peeps, do hard drugs, you know... the big stuff."

"Okay, so you couldn't murder people. I mean, I get that, right? But since you had such 'strict limitations'," I joked, lightly nudging Bella in the side, "what was it that you were allowed to do?"

"We were allowed to do anything we wanted, really. One time Jazz and I spent a month livin' at an artist's commune. We checked in and all that. There really were no curfews or havin' to clean this up or that up, or havin' to do chores. No one to say what kinda clothes you had to wear or how to do your hair or that sorta thing."

_The unique sense of style makes sense now, doesn't it? Since Bella was let wear whatever she wanted when she was little, her perfect flair carried on to when she got older. Esme made sure that Emmett and I dressed a certain way when we were little, which also reflects who we are today. But that makes me curious...if Esme was responsible for the way I dress, who was responsible for Bella? _"Who did you check in with, Bella?"

"Same as most kids," she said quickly.

Bella noticeably stiffened up, so I rolled over and started running my hands along her arms. "It's okay, babe. You can tell me if you want. Or...not, you know? I just want you to know that you can trust me to not press you if you don't want to tell me."

_But I would really love it if you told me._

"It's not important. We were just a bunch of crazy poppets allowed to run amuck. Guess it was different for you, huh? All rules and junk."

"Yeah, I suppose you could say that it was different. But you know, some of the same rules- no murdering anyone, no hard core drugs, etc." I ran my hand up Bella's arm again. "And just so you know, anything that has to do with you is important, which includes your childhood. Don't ever say otherwise."

"I know, Shags," she said smiling softly.

"Do you, though?" I asked, returning her smile.

"I do!"

"You do, huh?" I leaned closer to her and crushed her lips with my own. Bella, of course, returned the kiss, and before I could take it any farther, Bella spoke.

"Need to work on the project, Shags."

"Right, project." I lifted myself away from Bella once again but my hands remained in place on her arms.

"So, did you give any thought to it at all?"

"Truthfully?"

"You didn't brain about it at all, did you."

_Goddamn she can see right through me, can't she? _"Um, no, I didn't."

She grinned and shook her head slightly. "Well, we gotta get a move on then." She slid off the edge of the bed and walked over to a dresser covered with books and some camera equipment. "A'ight, we need music and some sorta poem or excerpt from a book. So you choose your poison, Shags, wordy bits or auditory bits?" She brought the camera up to her eye and snapped a photo of me.

A thrill shot through me when I realized that Bella was taking a picture of me. "Right, okay." A few moments went by, and I was useless and unable to come up with a solid opinion about how we should proceed with the project. "Listen...I just can't, like, focus right now. Can you give me a few seconds?"

Bella ignored me as she moved around the room, snapping pictures of me from different angles.

"Are you sure you want to take pictures of me? I kind of look like shit right now, Bella."

"Why can't you focus, Shags?"

_Because I am with you? _"I don't know. Mind's not on homework right now, I guess."

"So, what is your brain on? And don't tell me hidin' the pony."

I laughed. "Not necessarily..." I laughed again and shook my head. "I was thinking about you."

"What were you brainin' 'bout me for?" she said, snapping more photos.

"I just..." _I always think about you, _"realized that I need to know more about you." I slid off the bed and walked closer to her, trying to curb her picture-snapping. "Tell me something that no one else knows about you."

"I dunno, Shags. Pretty much everyone knows everything," she said, putting down her camera.

"Okay, well. Um, tell me something that isn't very well known about you."

Bella turned her back to me and was really quiet. She seemed to be fiddling with something on the dresser. It felt like hours went by.

"I never cried."

"You never cried? When? Like, your whole life, or...?"

"When my mom died."

My hand immediately traveled to my face, and I felt a lump start to fill in the pit of my stomach. "I'm so sorry, Bella. I had no idea."

"Yeah." She bent down and opened one of the bottom drawers. She rifled through the drawer and pulled out a package of pictures. She turned and held them out for me to take.

I looked at the photographs, and I only took one glance before I looked back at Bella. "Is this...is this your mother?"

"Yes," she whispered softly.

I nodded my head, and turned my attention back to the black and white photographs that I was now clutching.

A flood of emotions poured through me all at once, because I was looking at photographs of Bella's mom...postmortem. There were a few pictures of her hanging, and a few of her lying on the floor after the rope had been cut down.

I struggled to find words. "I...I don't think I knew that your mom...hung herself?"

_There were small clues, like in some of the drawings that I have see, but nothing more than that._

Bella simply nodded, and I continued to study the pictures.

They were...disturbing. Delicate. Beautiful. Taking these pictures was clearly Bella's way of immediately dealing with her mother's death, and as different as it was for her first reaction to be to grab a camera and document the situation, it was so very...Bella.

"It was spirit oppressed," she whispered. "Someone tried to make her something she wasn't, and she had to set herself free."

I immediately felt like shit, like I pressed Bella to share something with me, and out of obligation, she shared with me one of her deepest secrets. I reached my hand out to grab Bella's. "I am so sorry, Bella. I had no idea."

"I don't really chitter chat much 'bout it 'cause it's done and you can't change it. But now you know."

"Yeah, now I know," I sighed, handing the pictures back to Bella. "Listen, I know that I asked you to tell me something that isn't common knowledge about yourself, but I wasn't trying to...you know...pry, or anything..."

"No secrets... right, Shags?"

"Yeah," I slowly nodded. "No secrets." Bella reached for the photographs and put them back in the drawer that she had taken them out of.

"Anything else you wanna know?"

_Everything. Anything. _"Anything else that you want to tell me, Bella. I don't want to pry." _I don't want you to feel obligated to tell me something that you would have rather kept to yourself._

"My favourite cartoon is Ren and Stimpy. How 'bout that?" I could tell she was trying to lighten the mood.

"Ren and Stimpy?" I smiled. "You never cease to amaze me." I paused for a few moments, gathering my thoughts. "What's your favorite food?"

_A girl like Bella must have an interesting answer. Wait...a girl like Bella? There is no such thing...Bella is one of a kind._

"I like gummy worms that have been coated in that sour stuff."

I cocked an eyebrow, surprised (_and yet, not surprised at all) _over her food choice. "Gummy worms? Really? Not something like fillet minion or chicken marsala or...any other main dish? Your favorite food is seriously sour gummy worms?"

"Well, there are only four food groups: gummy, orange, green and chocolately-goodness. So if it doesn't fit, I don't eat it."

"Right, right," I stated, trying to keep a straight face. "So...no meat? Pasta? None of that? Ever?"

"No meat, and they make green pasta - spinach pasta."

"And they make orange pasta, too - tomato flavored, I think? I don't know...Esme has used it in a meal that she cooked us before." I smiled again, amused and yet awestruck by the amount of restraint Bella's specific diet must be for her. _I can't imagine life without a big, juicy steak with a baked potato on the side._ "What's your favorite drink, then? Orange juice?"

"Orange Crush, of course."

"Right. Of course." Another long, awkward pause. "Tell me something else about yourself. Anything...any small detail."

She flounced down on the bed, pulling me with her. "I didn't wanna come to Sporks, but I'm glad I did."

"You are glad?" I reached a hand over and ran it through her hair. "Why? This town is shit."

"You're here," she said softly.

"Yeah, I am." I ran a hand through my hair. "But...it's not like I am anything special or anything. Why else do you like Forks?"

She went to say something but stopped. There was a pause. "I like the trees n' stuff. Earthy. Natural."

"What were you gonna say just now? It looked like you wanted to say something." I placed my hand on her arm for like, the billionth time that day. "You can tell me the truth, Bella. No secrets."

"Why don't you think you're special, Shags?"

"Ha, you are funny. That's what you were thinking about?"

"You are the first dude that has ever given me the tinglies. That's gotta be special."

_And I want to be the last. _"I was the first? Really? I have a hard time believing that."

"S'true. Never got the tinglies before."

"How is that true?" _You know how that could be true...you yourself have never felt about anyone the way you feel about Bella. _"Haven't you ever...had a boyfriend before? Or a fuck buddy that wasn't Jasper?"

"Well yea, I've dated dudes and banged them... but I never got the tinglies. I never felt like my skin was all crazy on fire and my insides were a super melty mass of liquid hot magma."

I had to control the feeling of jealousy that was coursing through my veins. _Stop it, motherfucker. It's not like you yourself are a virgin, so you have no room to talk. _

But I couldn't help but feel proud...proud that, even though Bella and I haven't had sex, I have given her a feeling that no one else has succeeded in doing. "Why do you think that is?"

"Maybe lots of different things."

"Care to venture a guess?" _I can think of hundreds of reasons why I feel "tinglies" when I am with Bella._

"My mom said it's cause you're the other half of my soul," she whispered, looking into my eyes.

_The other half of her soul? That's...a little deeper than what I had been thinking. _"That's what your mom thinks...is that what you think?" _Wait... your mom?_

_Other half of her soul. But wouldn't that make us...soul mates? Isn't that a little deep?_

"I dunno, Shags."

_Okay, ease up, buddy. Maybe your line of questioning has gotten a little unfair, huh? I mean, if Bella had asked you the same thing, what would you say? Probably nothing. You would piss your pants and run out of Bella's house, completely embarrassed, stunned, and unable to speak._

"I'm prying again, aren't I?"

"No, I just dunno, Shags. I've never found another half of my soul. So I got nuthin' to compare it to. I just know how I feel."

"So how do you feel then?" _You are such an asshole, who is completely and totally prying, even though he claims that he "doesn't want to pry." Bullshit. You are such an asshole._

"There's sumthin' 'bout you, Shags. Like a pull of some kind, and I told myself that I was gunna be strong and stay away and hold my ground, but you storm my walls."

_So maybe she does like me. Just a little bit._

"Hmmm. Well, as depressing as it is that you wanted to stay away from me, I am glad that I 'storm your walls', I guess."

"It all sounds pretty cheese balls doesn't it ... Sorry if I'm freakin' you out. Jazz says I'm too intense with peeps at times."  
_  
You are no one to judge "cheese balls". Shit, I doubt that you have any balls left, anyways. _"Why would you be freaking me out...?"

"Cause that was an awful lot to come out with."

"Yeah, I get that. But don't you think that is something that is nice to hear? Instead of hearing over and over again that you don't want anything to do with me...to get a little inkling that all of this is not completely one sided? It's pretty amazing."

"It's never been one sided, Shags."

"I find that hard to believe, Bella." I turned my face away from hers and stared straight ahead.

"Why?"

"Seriously? I am sure that you took those pictures of me fucking Jessica and refused to give me the copy because you liked me so much. Oh, and you agreed to go on the date with Jacob Black because you just adored me." I continued staring straight ahead, avoiding eye contact with Bella as much as possible.

Was it childish? Yes. But I was still a little hurt by it all._ So what if it was deserved?_

Okay, so it definitely was deserved. You are a huge douche who constantly got himself into situations that were more fucked up than they should be if your head was on straight. Shit, you are still _getting yourself into shitty situations. Taking Lauren to the homecoming dance? What the fuck, Cullen?  
_  
"Dude! I was high as a kite at your party. Just so you know, I deleted those pics. And I didn't go on a date with Jake. We just went to the movies."

_Wait, what?? _"You deleted the pictures?" I turned and looked into her beautiful eyes. "Why?? I thought they were 'captured moments'?"

"'Cause I knew it upset you. So I altered my universe for you."

My brow furrowed in confusion. "You...you altered your universe for me?" Bella nodded. "But why? Why would you do that for me?"

"'Cause you are important."

My mind was reeling. _I am important? To Bella?_

I became skeptical. _Nah. No fucking way is that the case. Bella must be laying it on thick right now. Either that, or I stepped right into the Twilight zone or something._

My face fell. "I know that I was upset, but...I...that makes me feel bad that you changed things for me."

I felt terrible knowing that not only had I fucked around and trampled on Bella's feelings, but I did so when she was bending over backwards, trying to make things better for me.

_You are a selfish dick, Cullen._

I closed my eyes and shook my head. "My God, Bella. I am such an asshole. I mean..._fuck._"

"Why do you say that, Shags? Sure, you've done some really fucktarded shit, but... dude... you are really hard on yourself."

"No, I am really not. Whenever I criticize myself? It's all completely deserved." I grasped Bella's hand with my own. "Especially now."

"So change. Don't be an arsehole."

"Right. Don't be an asshole. Gotcha."

Bella rolled her eyes. "Seriously, Shags. When you feel the arsehole comin' on, you just stop. Do sumthin' different."

"Like drink? I find that I am a much smaller asshole when I am drinking."

"You fuck Stanley when you drink."

I let out a low, almost menacing chuckle. "That's only because I was so...frustrated. Hell, I don't even think that begins to cover it. Ready to explode? That's a little better."

"You're not an arsehole now, Shags."

_I would sure as fuck hope not. I am trying like you wouldn't believe._

"I am glad you think so, Bella."

"Is there anything else you wanna know, or is 20 questions over?" she said smiling.

I cupped Bella's cheek. "I will never know enough about you, Bella. Even if we played a game of 20 questions every day, for the rest of our lives." _Hello, cheeseball factory! It's as though you lost your balls and decided to replace them with cheeseballs. What the fuck, man?_

"That was fromage, Shags. You could sell that to Kraft."

I laughed as I let go of Bella's cheek and ran my hand through my hair. "I know, that was pretty bad, wasn't it?"

"It was ... use all those pretty words on the girls?"

"Do I look like the kind of guy who uses pretty words on girls?" _Totally a rhetorical question. _"Only you, Bella. You are the only one who gets ridiculous fucking responses like that from me. Only you."

"And why am I so lucky, Shags?"

_...? And there is the million dollar question._

But wait! You know this, right? At least parts of the puzzle. Just try not to piss yourself while you are relaying your answer to Bella.

"You are different, Bella. Surely I have told you this before, right?" _Yes, I am pretty sure you have. You normally break out things like that when you are trying to get into her pants or trying to let her give you a chance._

Or trying to show her that you really care. Because I think that you really do.  
  
"Sure, but I don't know how. I'm no different than Gothy Gert, or Pixie or Capt'n-T's Rosalie."

"You can't compare yourself to those women, Bella. You are...compassionate. Unbelievably gorgeous. Unique. Fuck, you are the best woman that I have ever met."

"And they aren't?"

"Not to me, no." I closed my eyes. Again. _Because I am an emotard._ "Bella, why is it that I give you tinglies and no one else gives them to you?"

"You're the other half."

_The othe...the other half?_

That sounds serious, doesn't it? Like, really fucking serious. Like, soul mate serious. Serious like we just touched on, except...more. Much, much more.

Okay, Cullen, don't freak out.

Don't freak out.

I mean, this is a good thing, right?

Right. A good thing.

It's a good thing that Bella likes you, right?

Right.

So don't freak out that she said you are her other half.

Don't...don't freak out.

Take deep breaths.

I listened to my inner voice and took deep breaths, trying to hide my mini-panic from Bella.

_Man the fuck up, Cullen. Why is this making you panic? You guys were just talking about this, asswipe. So...why are you freaking out now?_

I have no idea.

"Right, I get it. Other half. Don't you think that this feels the same for me?"

_That's more like it._

"It does? You feel that too? Or you just sayin' it?"

_Does it? You aren't just saying all of this to impress Bella, are you?_

No. You truthfully care about her. You truthfully want to spend time with her...and you truthfully don't want to spend time with any other girl other than her. So show her that you care about her, dickhead. Making out with her and trying to get into her panties doesn't scream "I care about you", you have to tell her details like that yourself.

"No, I am not just saying it. I really mean it."

"Nice to hear, Shags." She reached over and held my hand.

"Is it?" I squeezed her hand. "Well, I am glad that you heard it, then."

"We really need to work on the project."

"Right." _Fucking miserable Goddamn project that I apparently can only hold off on for so long._

"So, music or writing thing?"

"What were your creative bunnies telling you?"

"The creative _faeries _tell me you're the music dude."

I let out a small chuckle. "Faeries, bunnies, same thing. Right?" _That's it...get her mind off the project. Get her mind off the project. Get her...wait. _"Music? You know that I am into music?"

"Are you, Shags? Whatcha like?"

"So it was a lucky guess then?" I shot Bella a smile. "Yeah, I am basically into everything that isn't polka. I don't listen to too much Reggae, either."

"So what is your favorite?"

I shrugged my shoulders. "Music that actually _means _something, you know? I am all for the mind-numbing idiocy of shit that is mass-produced nowadays, but when it comes down to it, I enjoy when an album can truly touch you."

"So what do you wanna use for this? Somethin' in mind?"

"My creative bunnies aren't really bringing anything to mind right now." I gave Bella my best crooked, panty-dropping grin. _Sometimes I wish shit like that would actually work on her._

"Mmmm... okay. I was thinking of pullin' some words from my man Hunter."

"Your man Hunter?"

"Hunter S Thompson. Awesomest dude ever."

"Okay. I mean, if you like him, he has to be pretty awesome, right?" _My God Cullen, what the fuck, man?_

"You've never read him?!"

"No? I don't think so?"

Bella sat up and leaped off the bed. She moved to a bookcase and rummaged through the stacks of books, occasionally tossing one onto the bed. "Pick one and read it. Wicked awesome."

I picked up a book and studied it carefully. "Thanks, I guess. I mean, I should have something to do during the day instead of pining away for you, right?" _Queue the panty-dropping smirk again._

"Pine away my arse!"

_Wannabe panty-dropping smirk._ "Why do you find that so hard to believe?"

"'Cause the Great Shaggy has other shit to do than pine away for girls," Bella said laughing.

"'The Great Shaggy'? Bella, you are fucking hilarious. And if I have better things to do, pray tell, what are they?"

"You know, dude huggin', knittin', drinking tea, watercolours, circle jerks... clearly the list is endless," she said, grinning at me.

"What is it with you and insisting that I participate in circle jerks? I promise you, it will never happen." I licked my lips and drew myself closer to Bella. "Besides, pining away over you sounds substantially more fun than any of the other activities you mentioned."

"I dunno, Shags ... you and other dudes. Could be really, really, hot."

"Not my kind of thing, Bella. I am more interested in artsy, brunette women."

"Oh, and do you know any?"

"Hmmm, maybe." I inched closer to Bella and licked my lips again.

"Oh yeah?" she said, watching me advance.

"Mmmhmmm," I whispered, mere millimeters away from Bella's lips.

"Have one in mind?" she whispered, her breath fanning over my lips.

"Of course I do. But I don't know how she feels about me, you know? She still wants to be friends, which isn't what I want." It took all my strength not to maul Bella's mouth with my own, but I kept the small amount of distance that was there intact.

"And what do you want?"

"More."

"Like?"

"Are you giving me permission to show you what else I want? 'Cause I can do that, no problem." My mouth curled up into a smile, and our lips barely touched each other.

"Maybe an example. I'm a tactile learner."

_For real? Bella just wants to give me blue-balls, doesn't she? Fuck it, who cares? Just go with it, man. You can always get a release later, like the perverted teenager that you are._

I raised my eyebrow in question as I reached under her shirt and cupped her breast. "How's this?" I asked, flicking her nipple with my thumb.

Her breath caught in her throat as her nipple started to tighten from my touch. "Maybe another example, Shags. I'm a slow learner."

_She wants to play that game, huh? _I shifted my attention from her breasts and concentrated on her lower half. "Like this?" I questioned, my fingers dancing around the top of her underwear.

"And whattya gunna do there, Shags?"

"What do you want me to do there, Bella?" I shifted my gaze to her eyes. "I don't want to do anything that you don't want."

_Please want it. Please want it. Please want it. Please..._

"Hard to stay friends with your hands so near my kitty," she whispered breathlessly.

"I thought you wanted me to show you what I wanted. 'Cause it sure as hell isn't to stay friends." My hands inched lower still, aching to make contact with Bella's "kitty".

"You aren't showin'..." Her hips pressed forward.

My fingers went even lower, until I gently brushed over her sex, resting above her clit, itching to make Bella scream my name. _Holy fuck, she is fucking wet and waiting for you._

I think that I am going to explode if I don't do something.

"Is this...is this okay?"

_Please say yes. Please say yes. Please..._

A soft sigh escaped from her. "Shaggy ..." she whimpered.

"Yes?" I groaned, but my fingers stopped their movements. "I gotta make sure you are okay with this, Bella. I can't go any further without some kind of confirmation from you."

"Don't stop... please..."

Well, she didn't have to tell me twice. I pushed her onto the bed as I tumbled down on top of her before I sat up, unzipped her jeans, and pulled them off her. I didn't care where they landed as I threw them to the ground. I stared at the barely-there underwear that I was now salivating over for a moment before I leaned over, hooked my thumbs around the top of the thong, and slowly but sensually lowered it off her body.

"Fuck, Bella, you are going to kill me." I looked down at the half naked woman lying on the bed before me, and had to actually will myself not to pounce on her.

"Shut your pie hole and touch me."

I leaned forward and kissed Bella. I fucking kissed her with all that I had, while she enthusiastically returned each kiss. And because I had partially disrobed her, I couldn't help but let my fingers wander down the length of her perfect body.

_I have wanted this for so long...it seems fucking surreal to actually have Bella beneath me right now. I want to fucking worship Bella the way she deserves to be worshiped, which means that the actual act of sex is off the table tonight._

My fingers danced on the soft skin of Bella's stomach. _So fucking soft, so fucking perfect._ But something felt wrong, something felt off. I broke my mouth away from hers, which earned me a well-deserved groan.

I tugged on the corner of the shirt that she was still wearing. Bella lifted her torso from the bed and ripped the shirt away from her body, carelessly tossing it across her room.

I couldn't help but stare at the sight of the fully nude woman in front of me. _Most beautiful sight I have ever seen in my entire goddamn life. _ "Holy fuck, Bella. You are so fucking gorgeous."

"Shhhhh," she said, wrapping her fingers in my hair and bringing my lips to hers.

My lips moved in sync with Bella's as my hand found its way to her perfectly pert nipple. I couldn't help the groan that escaped my mouth as I rolled it between my forefinger and thumb, revelling in the feel of her body entwined with mine. _I also couldn't help that I practically came in my pants right then and there, either._

Bella's hips moved just a little bit, reminding me of the task at hand.

I trailed my hand down her breast, past her stomach, and right above her "kitty". Bella made these sexy little sounds, telling me that she needed me to just fucking _touch_ her already, even though I wanted to take my time.

_I truly want to worship this woman._

My fingers slowly slipped between her already wet folds to massage the area around her clit before descending the short distance inside of her. Her 'kitty' was already hot, and wet and wanting.

_My God...yep, I think I just came. Seriously._

I curled two fingers inside of her as my thumb played with her clit. It was a fucking sensory overload for me... hot, wet, tight...I couldn't help but wonder what it was like for Bella. __

Probably nothing special...she probably just got something like this from Jasper.

Fuck.

My mouth moved its way from her lips down to her nipple.

_Stop thinking about other people pleasing Bella...focus on what you are doing right now. You have been waiting too long to do this, man! Seriously, get your head in the game!_

As soon as my mouth made contact with Bella's nipple, she arched up, closing the distance between my body and hers.

I couldn't help it...her response caused me to speed up my fingers, my thumb providing friction on her clit and my other two fingers pumping and caressing her inside. Bella tried to wrap her legs around me and let out the sexiest fucking moan I have ever heard in my entire life. _This woman is driving me absolutely crazy with fucking desire._

My erection was prominent, and the more Bella tried to touch me, the worse it got. _Focus on her, man. Focus on her gloriously naked body. _I brought my lips back to her nipple, and lapped at the pebbled skin that was beneath my mouth.

_You don't want to come in your pants. You don't want to come in your pants. You definitely do _not _want to come in your pants._

Fighting the instinct to fucking come in my underwear, I moved my mouth's focus back to Bella's mouth and continued my ministrations on Bella's heated sex.

"Shaggy, please..." she moaned as her hips pumped, thrusting against my hand- forcing my fingers deeper, my thumb faster against her clit. She brought her hands over her head to press her palms flat against the headboard. She threw her head back, lips parted, breath coming in short pants.

_Heaven. I am in fucking heaven._

"MMmm Bella...so fucking perfect." _Shut up, you idiot! If you don't keep concentrating on Bella, you are going to explode. And, like, get spooge all over yourself. And Bella. And Bella's entire fucking bedroom. And half of Forks._

Her legs vibrated around me as she held on tight and I could feel her kitty tightening around my fingers. With a soft moan she shattered around my fingers, a flood of wet soaking my hand, her kitty pulsing around me, her torso shooting up off the bed as she came hard. Her body shook from the effort.

I licked my lips and looked at the woman beneath me. "Did I give you enough of an example?"

I leaned in to kiss Bella once more when I heard a door downstairs slam shut.

"Shit, Shaggy," she said flopping back down, trying to catch her breath.

Registering the door slamming, Bella pushed me off her and scrambled around the room, first grabbing her shirt and throwing it on, then her pants. _Sans underwear? As if my boner could get any harder._

"Bells, you home?" Chief Swan called out.

"Fuck!" Bella gasped.

_Cockblocked by her fucking dad? Well, that's just fucking wonderful. 'Cause I was not ready to let Bella get dressed._

"What do you want me to do?" I whisper-yelled, hoping that I could calm Bella down somehow.

"Yeah, Pops. Just workin' on some homework with Shags."

"Is that door open?"

"Yeah, Pops. Geeze. Whatya think I am? Some sorta horny teenager?"

"I'm not going to answer that, Bells. You two behave up there. Oh, hi, Edward."

"Hi?" I yelled back, feeling my voice crack.

_Your voice cracked? For fucking real? How old are you, twelve?_

"Fuck, Bella. Is he gonna come up here?"

"I don't think so, Shags," she said as she realized her shirt was on backwards. "Fucksticks," she muttered as she worked to correct it.

"I'll be watchin' the game down here, Bells."

"Okay, Pops."

I sighed and ran a hand over my face, belatedly realizing that it was the hand that was just playing with Bella. _How is it possible for this woman to smell so good? _I shook my head of those thoughts, because they were going to do me no good right now. "I'm sorry...if I went too far. I didn't know that your dad was going to come home..."

"Hey, Shags, no sorries. I wasn't exactly sayin' no."

_Wasn't exactly saying no? That feels like an insult to me. _I felt myself subconsciously frown. "You...you didn't want that?"

"Shags, if I didn't want it I would have said so."

_Right. See? You worry over nothing._

Except...except you just fucking gave her an orgasm and she...doesn't seem to care. That's 'cause you guys are "friends", remember? What did you expect? Her to throw herself into your arms and tell you that she wanted you?

"Okay, well...I am glad you wanted that then." _What the hell, Cullen? You are such a weirdo. I mean, what was she going to do? "Please don't touch my kitty"? Puh-lease. She is a red-blooded American, who lets her best friend touch her like that too. It's not like it was...holy or anything, to let you touch her._

"Don't beat yerself up 'bout it, Shags." She grinned. "It was really good. If you ever wanna give up dude huggin'... you could switch careers."

"Dude hugging? Why do you seem to hate me playing football so much?"

"Yer the one who said you weren't into dude huggin' anymore."

"Yeah, still on the team. Although I really don't care to be..." I scratched my head and smiled. "I think that I would much prefer to do what we just did than play football, no question."

"I'll have to return the favour for you sometime," she said, licking her lips.

_Yes please. _"That's not why I did that, Bella." _Honestly, it was more for me than for you. Seeing you naked, sprawled out before me? Fucking beautiful. Fucking perfect. So much better than the black and white picture of you that I still haven't hung up.  
_  
"Then why? Not that I'm complainin'"

_How do I answer that? "I did it for my own sick pleasure, 'cause I wanted to see you writhe beneath me? Hear you scream _my _name, and no one else's? I wanted to claim you in one way that I knew I would be able to?" None of those sounded right._

"I, uh, wanted to show you that I wanted more?" _Yeah, that works, I guess, because it is still true._

"Show me more, or just make me cum?"

If I would have had something in my mouth, I would have choked on it. _Pretty sure I choked on the spit in my mouth, anyways. _"I wanted, still want, more. You told me to show you, so I...did."

_Yeah, there's nothing more to the situation than that. Ha ha, yeah right._

I totally wanted to fucking make you come. And next time it will have to be in my mouth.

"More physical or other?"

_Gahhhhhh, how terrible is it that I don't know the answer to that? I mean, I fucking want her body, preferably impaled by my cock. But, fuck, I think it's more than that._

It is more than that, isn't it?

"Both. Um, both."

"A'ight, Shaggy. No need to look like yer on the firing line."

"That's not it, at all, Bella. I just feel that I am constantly being asked about how I feel...when I am not the one whose feelings are a mystery." I shook my head. "I mean, Christ Bella, look at me!" I motioned to my cock, which was still straining against my pants. "You question if it is physical, or more? What do you think?"

"'Cause, Shags. You can do an awful lot of physical without feelin' anythin', dig?"

"Oh yeah, Bella. I know that more than anyone, you know?" _Lauren, Jessica, other nameless whores from school._ "I know all about fucking without feelings. But if it was fucking without feelings, do you think that I would have initiated what I just did? Without intentions of getting off myself? And would I still be here, if that was the case?"

"I just don't wanna be put through the slicer," she said softly.

"I get that. And I get that you must think that I am some kind of shady motherfucker who is just millimeters from ripping your heart out, but..." _I hope that will never happen. _"That's not my intention. I'm going to try my hardest not to hurt you, Bella."

"Just don't want it to end badly."

_And you think that I do? _"I don't either, Bella."

"As long as we're on the same page, Shags."

**Bella POV  
**  
Great. Fucking. Goats. Of. Guinnea. I thought Jazzgasms were good, but jumpin' pandas... that man knew how to press the right buttons. You'd think that he read the Bella play book or sumthin'. Set me on fire so I couldn't brain. That Shags was trouble with a capital TRUUUUUUUUUUU. If the Fuzz hadn't come home I woulda ridden him like the Kentucky Derby. Shown him the super special Bella hold that wasn't even legal in the WWE. My kitty was still crazy emotional. My body told me to feel, feel, feel ... my think box reminded me that the Fuzz had a gun.

"So, what ya wanna do now, Shags?"

He shrugged. "Nothing that we should be doing, I am sure."

"Tell me what the Great Shags is gunna do after high school. College? Farmin'? Pimpin'?"

"Uh...after high school?"

"Yeah, you know, when we graduate there will be an after bit. Whatcha gunna do?"

"Ummm...? Not necessarily a topic of conversation that I like to talk about, so..."

"Why not? You gotta know what you are thinkin' of doin'."

He shifted uncomfortably. "Nope...nothing." Shags let out a loud sigh. "I really don't know what I want to do with myself. So...this conversation? Is one that I thoroughly like to shy away from."

"How do you picture yourself, Shags? What kinda life do you want?"

"Not what I have."

"How is it gunna be different?"

"Hopefully everything is completely different. Change of scenery, change of...life."

"But what do you see? What do you want? If you close your eyes, how do you picture it all?"

He briefly shut his peepers. "I...I don't know what I picture." He opened his jolly rancher greens and looked at me. "Kind of a fun position I am in, right? Being a senior in high school, who should know what he wants but doesn't?"

"No sweat, Shags. Just thought you might have some idea of what you wanna do and where you wanna go. I get the not knowin'."

"Do you? What are you going to do after high school?"

I flopped onto my cocoon and closed my eyes.

"I'm gunna be a photographer, or maybe a director. Something to do with capturing moments. I've been thinkin' 'bout college ... Berkeley .. Emily Carr ... Ontario College of Art and Design .."

"Wow. Just...wow."

"What?"

"Nothing. I mean, you sound like you know what you want to do, right?"

"Just doin' what my heart feels like doin'. I mean, it's what I like to do. I couldn't imagine myself as some whacked out doc or stuff law head. I need to be free, unrestricted."

Shaggy looked upset, like something more was on his mind. "Yeah, I get it."

"What is it, Shags?" I held out my hand for him.

He grabbed my hand and shook his head. "It's nothing, really."

"Spill it!"

"Seriously...don't worry about it, Bella." He threw me a half-assed smile.

"Too late, Shaggymon. Gots to spill the monkeys now."

He laughed bitterly at the nickname I gave him. "How the fuck can I have no idea what I want to do? I have lived in this fucking town my entire life; you would think that I would have spent my days wishing myself somewhere else. It's just...so fucking _frustrating _to not have a clue."

"Don't beat your bones 'bout it, Shags. It's cool to just not know. Just be open to whatever calls at ya."

He nodded and closed his eyes. "So easy for someone who has everything all mapped out to say."

"But it isn't all mapped out, Shags. That's the best part. On the flip side, I might decide to become a bean counter or a vet."

"A bean counter?" He smiled genuinely. "What...how...? Bean counter?"

"I could be an accountant. Point is, Shags, what I wanna do today I might not wanna do tomorrow."

"So there is hope for me? You don't think that I will end up homeless and in a gutter because of my indecision?"

"Nah, but there's no knockin' bein' homeless or in a gutter."

"Right. 'Cause...? Homeless people are less fortunate than we? Or they know how to live free...literally?"

"They don't all caught up in material stuff and can do what they want. Gypsies of the modern age."

"Makes sense."

"Don't feel so bad, Shags."

"Bad about what?" He scratched his head.

"Not knowin'. You are too hard on yourself."

"Is being hard on yourself bad? I tend to think that not being hard _enough _on yourself would be bad, not the other way around."

"You just beat yourself up, Shags. There's a difference." I traced his palm with my fingers and felt the warm tinglies shoot over my skins.

"I don't beat myself up...and if I do, then I deserve it."

"No you don't, Shags." I touched the side of his mug, admiring the lines and angles.

"I do."

"Well, I'm not gunna listen to your shit anymore, Shags." I gave him a silly smile.

"You aren't, huh?" He smiled back. "What do you plan on doing, then?"

"This." I slowly closed the distance between our mugs and brushed my lips against his. "Every time you talk shit, Shags, I'm gunna knee you in the berries," I mumbled against him.

"You have to knee me in the berries? You can't do anything nicer? 'Cause I think that I need those berries. At least, someday I might."

"Well then, Shags. Guess you can't talk shit no more."

"What if it's deserved?"

"Doesn't matter."

He raised an eyebrow. "Really? 'Cause I think it does. Do I need to start wearing a nut cup around you? I mean, it pains me to think about..._restraining..._myself like that. But if I have to do it, I will do it."

"Nope! Just pick yer words wisely, Grasshoppah."

"Well then, fuck me."

I chortled like a hyena. "You really itchin' for a bullet in your arse?"

"A bullet in my ass?" He seemed genuinely confused.

"My Pops? The Fuzz? Man with the gun? The one sittin' downstairs?"

"Annnnnd...? Why are we talking about your dad?"

"You said you wanted to fuck me."

"Well, I mean, that goes without saying," he chitter chatted, shifting in place.

"You can do what you want, but first we gotta get this project finished. Deal?"

"I can do what I want, as long as this project is finished?" He inched closer to me. "How about before the project is finished?"

"Nope, after. Think of it as your reward."

He goggled at me like I had grown a second head and a third ear. "What? You can't be serious."

"Serious as soda, Shaggy."

"But soda doesn't_ have_ to be serious, does it?"

"All the time. Soda is the most serious of beverages."

"Oh yeah," he stated with a straight face. "Soda is quite serious, isn't it? But you know, by nature, since it's got so many bubbles and what-not...I feel like it doesn't _want _to be serious."

"But that is totally the reason it has to be so serious." I mean, seriously! Soda with all its bubbles havin' to fight its nature all the time. Bubbles are fun and whimsical, but you can't let that spoil the structure of soda. What was he thinking?!

"But why is that the reason that it has to be serious?"

"Cause the structure is serious, Shags. And the bubbles are the army. I mean, look at Orange Crush. Even the name signifies seriousness ... ORANGE CRUSH ... and then the bubbles come as a relentless army. Soda is some serious shit, Shags." I don't think he was gettin' my meanin's.

"But what about a name like 'Mountain Dew'? It sounds so...docile. So laid back."

"Dude! Mountains are mighty!!"

"But the mountain's dew? Sounds more like breast sweat to me." He paused for a moment. "Never mind. I mean, if it was _your _breast sweat that I was talking about? Well, that shit is powerful."

"Shags, that's kinda gross. You're a kinky frog, Grasshoppah."

"Nah, I don't think it's gross. Nothing about you could ever be gross."

"Might not wanna come round here after lima bean day."

"Lima bean?" He shook his head. "I don't think that I want to know."

"Ask Jazz 'bout it sometime. So. Project. I want this reward as much as you do." Dude who seemed to wanna get in my kitty was doin' an awful lot of dancing 'bout.

"What kind of actions are prohibited until the completion of our project? Because, fuck, Bella, I think I will fucking explode if you take everything away."

"No playin' with the kitty."

He closed his eyes. "None? Seriously?"

"None, or the ladies either."

Who was really bein' punished now ...

"The...the ladies? Fuck, Bella. How fucking long is this project going to take? We can still kiss, right?" He seriously looked distraught.

"Quicker we get it done ...."

"You are mean. I hope you know that." He ran a hand through his coppery bits. "So, I guess that we should get to work, huh?"

"Yup ... you pick the tunes, Shags, and I'll keep on gettin' on with the words."

**E/N: **Leave us some love, please! (Do it for Paige, being that it's her birthday!)  
PS…sorry for being so fail about responding to reviews…can I blame it on the 21-week old baby that is growing inside of me? I am so epically spacey, it hurts! We adore EVERY review that we get, honestly! You guys are amazing!!!


	13. Homecoming and Dresses

**A/N: Hello all! So, we realize that it has been a long time since we have updated, but it seems like Paige is always traveling, and Michelle is so spaced out all the time that writing takes longer than it should (baby M.M.M. has taken all of her brains).**

**A HUGE thank you to our Betas, imcarriej and TRDancer.**** Without them, Paige would go crazy trying to correct Michelle's mistakes on her own :)**

**As always, we don't own anything.**

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****Edward POV**

The days of football practice since the "anti-team building experience" passed by really quickly, and before I knew it, the homecoming game was only hours away.

_Yippee fucking skippy for being team captain of a fucking football team that I didn't give a shit about._

I was pretty sure that I should have been more excited about the impending game, but I wasn't. I honestly had other things on my mind.

_Like, Bella. And... Bella. Oh, and possibly Bella._

And I was still going to the fucking homecoming game with Lauren Mallory. The idea of having to wrap my arm around her and escort her into the dance made my fucking skin crawl.

_This is something that you could have avoided entirely, you stupid dumbass._

I contemplated getting completely fucking shitfaced before the homecoming dance, just to be able to handle the fucking shit situation that I got myself into, but decided against it. _Because you know what you tend to do when you are drunk and have some kind of stupid whore wrapped around your arm. The Jessica Stanley drunken fuck wasn't the first one of its kind..._

_But it was the first one - and last one - of its kind since you met Bella._

I couldn't deny the influence Bella had on me, considering the fact that since I had met her, emotionally I had started to resemble a normal human being. _Versus some kind of douche bag poser who doesn't care that he is a douche bag poser. Now I may still be a douche, at least I care that I am a douche, and am trying to do something about it._

The fact that I was still going to go to the fucking dance with Lauren was eating away at me. I tried to get out of it the day after I agreed, but Lauren pretended that she didn't hear me when I confronted her, and Rosalie glared at me for even suggesting that I not go with Lauren.

_God, I fucking hate you, Rosalie. I wish with all my being that you and my brother would just fucking break up already so I wouldn't have to worry about what you, the stupid bitch that you are, think about me._

I honestly wanted to go to the dance about as badly as I wanted to shoot myself in the head. I would rather skip it and hang out with Bella and do...something. Anything. Fuck, I would rather do anything than go to the fucking dance with someone that I disliked as much as I dislike Lauren.

_Who are you trying to fool, Cullen? You only want to go to the dance with Bella, and no one else but her._

All of this wallowing and moping that I was doing regarding a situation that I put myself into was doing me no good. I decided to try to get Esme's advice as to what I should do about my idiotic moment when I agreed to go to the dance with Lauren, even though I have been pursuing Bella. She just smiled sadly and shook her head. "While I appreciate you coming to me for advice and not trying to hide stuff from me like you were doing," she said, closing her eyes. "There is nothing that I can help you with here, Edward. I mean, baby, I want to, but you make it just so hard to help you out! You really, really like to fuck yourself over, don't you?"

_Understatement of the century, Mom. _

I shook my head. _Get your act together, Cullen. You are supposed to be thinking about the game that you are going to be playing in a matter of moments, remember? So stop thinking about how much you keep fucking up with Bella. All of those negative thoughts are going to give you an unnecessary headache, you idiot._

Shrugging my shoulders and sighing, I surveyed my bedroom and made sure that I hadn't forgotten anything that I needed for the game. Satisfied that everything should be at school in my locker, I grabbed my cell phone and my keys and headed out the door to get ready to play my senior year Homecoming game.

XXX

After I had a wonderful game (one in which we kicked ass), it was hard to remember why I was acting so morose about the football game beforehand. _Oh wait, that's right...it's 'cause you remembered what happens after the game - the homecoming dance - and the fact that you are going to the dance with Lauren and not Bella._

_Bella. _Just the thought of her name made me hard. _I want to talk to her...wait, fuck. I _need _to talk to her._

_I need to tell her that we won the football game, and even as I was playing my last homecoming game ever, I was thinking about her. Thinking about her long, brown hair, and how soft it felt to the touch. Thinking about her laugh, how light and airy it was, even when she was having a full-belly chuckle. Thinking about how badly I wanted to take her to the homecoming dance with me.  
_  
XXX

I waited impatiently as the phone rang, tapping my hands on the steering wheel to the sound of the phone.

_Please pick up, Bella, please pick up, Bella, please pick up..._

"Yo Shagity, Shags! What's up the bean pole today, Sprout?"

"I just had to call...I got done with the game just now, and...uh..." I stopped, suddenly nervous. _Seriously, nervous? What the hell?_

"Well? Win or epic fail?"

I smiled to the sound of Bella's voice. "What do you think?" I asked with a smile in my voice.

"Ooooo! Congrats, Shags on winnin' the dude huggin'! You must be super stoked?"

_Yeah, super stoked since I am talking to you now. _"Sure, I mean, it was a good game, I guess..." _Understatement! What the fuck, Cullen! Why would you doubt your talents now? Tell her that you had an excellent game, and that it was because of you that they won the game!_

I shook my head. _Nope, Bella wouldn't be impressed by that, at all. Keep your cool._

"Well, musta been good if you won! Did you get a trophy or sumthin'? Did they give out trophies? Or is it cups? Rings, maybe?"

I smiled and shook my head, regardless of the fact that Bella wouldn't be able to see me over the phone. "Nope, nothing like that. Just bragging rights, I guess, and the fact that we don't have to go to our homecoming dance as losers."

"Not even some doughnuts? Man .. that sucks. Doughnuts ... mmmm. Right. Dude huggin'. Dancin'. You got some cool threads to bust a move in?"

_Why the hang-up on doughnuts? Hmmm...she must be high right now._ "Nothing special. You know, button-up shirt, pants. I mean, I hate my date, and I don't want to put any kind of special effort into getting ready, so..."

"Wearin' a bow tie? Smokin' jacket?"

"Probably a jacket. A bow tie? Are you serious, Bella? Could you ever picture me wearing one of those to a school dance?"

"I dunno what male dudes wear to dances. Did you get flowers for your date?"

"Bella, I greatly dislike my date. Why the fuck would I get her flowers? Flowers are like, things you give to people who are special..." _Like you. _"Not to people you don't like."

"I thought that's what you were supposed to do though? Won't she be all tears?"

"I tried to get out of going to the dance with Lauren in the first place, Bella. I mean, I really don't want to go anywhere with Lauren Mallory, let alone a fucking school dance where she assumes that we are 'dating' because she is my date? Would it be rude to tell you that I wouldn't care if she were to be 'all tears'? 'Cause there is no way in hell that I am giving her anything. Tonight or ever."

"Well, s'not fair to make her all tears, Shags. She's probably pretty excited to go to the dance."

_Yeah, well, it's not fair for me to have to take her when I really just want to take Bella. _"I'm sure she is, but," I roughly ran a hand over my face before turning my focus back to the road, "I just...am not looking forward to tonight at all...so I don't see a reason to fucking celebrate it with flowers."_ Is that mean of me? I am sure it is. But I can't risk getting her flowers. _"Plus, I mean, I don't want to give her the wrong idea if I bought her flowers. What if they happened to be her favorite ones or something? And she thought that the flowers meant something when I gave them to her?"

"Well, whatever you think is best, Shags. I don't know much 'bout flower buyin' anyway. Or flower growin' or keepin' them breathin' in general. Plants and I ... not so good. But tree ... wait ... why aren't you lookin' forward to the dance?"

Her question took me by surprise. "Seriously, Bella? You are seriously asking me that?"

"But dances are supposed to be 'bout fun, and you celebrating your dude huggin' win."

"But...it's not fun when you are spending your time with people that you don't like. So..." My brow furrowed. _Did Bella not see why I didn't want to go to this dance?_

_Does it not bother her that I am supposed to be going with another girl?_

_Of course it doesn't bother her. Why would it bother her? She isn't yours, and you aren't hers, no matter how much you want otherwise.  
_  
"Capt'n T will be there, right?"

"Sure. But that is neither here nor there, Bella."

"But you like him ... "

"...But I don't like Lauren. I am not taking the person that I really wanted to take." This conversation was starting to upset me. _Does Bella really not see what I am trying to say here?_

"But you gotta, Shags. Cause you said yes," she said softly.

"I know I said yes. I am so fucking stupid." _Yes, you are. I can't believe that you just said that out loud, too._

"Nah, Shags. No beatin' yourself up. Remember what happens when you talk shit."

"Right, right. But I mean, when would you be able to get to me to kick me in the balls? It's the weekend...you won't see me until school on Monday."

"My ninja kung-fu skills are legendary, Grasshoppah! You wouldn't see me comin'"

I let out a laugh. "Uh huh, I am sure you would sneak up on me and take me by _complete _surprise."

"You laugh now, Grasshoppah, until you're holdin' your beans and tryin' not to cry like a smacked up bitch."

"Awwww..." I whined. "Why would you want to cause that part of me pain?" _I wouldn't want to knowingly cause Bella any amount of pain, let alone in that area._

"'Cause you talk shit 'bout yourself, Shags."

_And it's deserved. _"But...you would want to kick me in my most sensitive spot because of it? You want your first contact with my penis to leave me with painful memories?"

"Then don't talk shit, Shags. And besides, we're talkin' bout the berries, not the twig," she snickered.

"You don't think that I associate the twig and berries with each other? They are a complete package, B. Can't get one without the other, really." _Why is she laughing? My manhood is no joking matter._

"I'm pretty sure I felt the package the other afternoon, Shags. So you don't need to school me."

I think I blushed at her comment. "What do you mean...?" _She did not touch you. Seriously, I would have fucking remembered that if she had, because I would have exploded all over the fucking place the second she made contact with me._

"Shags, you may have been wearin' your pants, but it was kinda obvious that you were into it."

_Oh yeah, that's not embarrassing or anything. Fuck. My. Life. _"Ah...um...I'm sorry?" _What the fuck do I say to that? _

She laughed. "Shags, don't be sorry for that. Dude, be sorry if that didn't happen."

"Right."

"So whatcha doin' now?"

I looked around me as I slowed to a stop at a stop sign. "Driving home. Almost there, actually."

"I hope you have it on hands-free, Mister."

"Pssshh I like living on the wild side, woman." I shook my head. _It's not my fault that I couldn't wait until I got home to call you._

"That's dangerous, Shags."

"Yeah, well. I'm sorry that I am so impatient then?" _Like I said, I couldn't wait to talk to you._

"Need to keep Shaggy bits all together ya know?"

_'Cause I don't fall apart when I talk to you anyways. _"Oh, yeah. Makes sense, I guess. But you don't have anything to worry about, Bella; I am an amazing driver."

"So you say, Shags."

I shook my head. "Oh hell no, Bella. You can make fun of everything else about me. Hell, I may even agree with you on parts. But my driving? Leave that alone; it's perfection."

"But you drive a stupid car. You need a fine gentleman like Landau."

"So I am a bad driver unless I have a hearse?" I smiled at Bella's logic. _Only Bella._

"Dude, you don't know unless you've driven a fine older gentleman."

I pursed my lips to stop the laughter that was threatening to spill out. "I don't think that I want to drive a fine, older gentleman. Ever." _In fact, I don't want Bella "driving" anyone but me._

"You are so missin' out, Shags. Maybe one day, if you are behavin', I'll let you take my Landau out for a spin."

"_If_ I am behaving? I behave all the time!" _Lies. You taking Lauren to the dance is not behaving...it's being an asshole to Bella._

"Why do I find that hard to believe, Shags?" she said laughing.

"I don't know...it's completely believable, if you ask me." I teased, unable to keep back my smile.

"Fibber! I'm surprised Dog herself doesn't throw milkbones from the sky!"

"I am not fibbing! And besides, if I am ever _naughty_, it's because I am around you and can't help myself."

"You, Grasshoppah, need a smidge of self-control. Now aren't you supposed to be gettin' ready to go cut a rug or sumthing?"

_There is no such thing as self control when I am around Bella. _"Are you hinting that you want me to let you go? By using 'getting ready for the dance' as a guise?" I felt my heart drop.

"No, Shags. I like chitter chattin' with you."

I heard Alice in the back ground talking to Bella. I think I heard her mumble something like, "sit still Bella," or something along those lines, and I felt my heart get even heavier.

_You are such a baby, Cullen._

"Huh," I said, frowning. "Are you sure you don't just want to talk to Alice?"

"Pixie? Nah, I've been talking to Pixie most of today, well, when she wasn't all over Jazz. Those two bang like bunnies."

_They bang like bunnies? Ew. Don't need to know about Jasper's sexual conquests. _"So...your needs have been neglected, then?" _Good way to change the subject to what you really want to know about._

"Shags, how many times do I gotta tell you that Jazz and I don't do that."

"Nah, not talking about that. Just talking about you...not getting your...release." I felt myself start getting hard just thinking about it. "Did you want me to come over and help you out with that?"

_Yes, please say yes. I will be there in a matter of moments to "help" you out._

"As tempting as that is, Shags, you got somewhere to be soon."

"I can be late," I said hurriedly. "Besides, I am the winning quarterback. No one will question why I was late."

"You'd be performin' in front of an audience. You good with that?"

"An audience? Like who? I don't want to get performance anxiety." _If she says Jasper, deal is off. Other than that? I think I can handle it._

"Well, Jazz is here somewhere, Pixie, and the Fuzz."

I heard Alice pipe up in an angry-type voice and say, "I am not watching you and Edward Cullen have sex!"

I laughed at Alice's outburst and shook my head. "How about I take you over to my place? That way we don't have to burn Alice's eyeballs with our...activities."

"You're good with blindin' Capt'n T and Rosalie?"

"Who said we have to do something in front of them? I have my ways, Bella, and my ways include a shit ton of privacy."

"You know the deal, Shags."

I let out a loud sigh. "I know. But you can't blame me for trying, can you?"

"You're a dude with franks and beans, well, I guess that should be 'FRANK' and beans. I'd think there might be sumthin' wrong if you didn't try." Alice was laughing, and I felt my cheeks warm once again.

"Bella, did you tell Alice about..erm...what we did the other day?"

"No, did you want me to?"

I shook my head furiously, regardless of the fact that Bella couldn't see me. "Absolutely not. Why the fuck would I want you repeating how stupid I am?"

"That was you bein' stupid? I can't wait to feel you not bein' stupid."

"Fuck, Bella," I breathed out. "I want...shit....I want to show you me being 'not stupid' more than you know."

"Wait. We talking about the same thing? 'Cause I was talking about you and my kitty." I could hear Alice make a strangled cat sound in the background.

"And I wasn't?" _Shit, I think about you and your kitty more than I should._

"Oh, guess Pixie knows now. Sorry, Pixie."

"Yeah, but she doesn't know any specifics. And that's all that matters."

I heard Alice sigh in the back ground. "It's done now," she said, "don't touch it."

My eyebrow furrowed in question. "What's done now, Bella? What shouldn't you touch?"

"None of your beeswax, Mistah."

"Nuh-uh. No fair, Bella. No secrets, remember?"

"Nuthin' important. Pixie is just playin' doll with me. Apparently I have 'RIDICULOUS' cheek bones."

_Why would she play "doll" with her?_ "Why is she doing that, Bella? And I think that you have perfect cheek bones." _My God, are you listening to yourself? You sound like such a girl, seriously._

"Pixie wondered what I would look like with makeup on. She said it is sumthin' girls are supposed to do together. But I dunno ... I've seen movies about what girls do together and it wasn't puttin' on makeup."

_Bella doesn't need makeup. She is perfect the way she is, and is honestly the first woman I have ever met that is actually like that._

_Except my mother, of course._

"I really don't understand why you guys would do that. You are perfect without makeup, Bella."

"That's what I said! I am, like, wicked awesome with naked skins. And now my cells are screamin' for air."

_Naked...Bella...naked...Bella...naked...and writhing beneath me... _I looked around and noticed that I was right outside of my house. _How long have I been parked out here? Oh well, at least you are parked now, considering the fact that you are now picturing yourself fucking the shit out of Bella. Picturing things like that while driving has to be considered a road hazard of some kind._

I waited a few moments, and the images of a naked Bella were not easily leaving me. "Bella, why did you have to associate yourself with nudity? Now I don't think that I can leave my car...ever..."

Bella laughed. "Shags, you need some self control."

I grinned to myself. "Ah, I think that self control is overrated."

"You have much to learn, Grasshoppah!" she said laughing.

"I still don't feel that self control is one of them."

"What time you gunna go to the shin dig?"

_Why is she asking what time I am going to be there? What does it matter? _"Uh...I am not sure, actually. Whenever I get ready and head out, I guess? There is a pre-party at Rosalie's, and I am expected to go, but I think that I am going to skip it."

"Bet yer mom is gunna want to take pictures 'n' all that. Or do they just do that in the movies? Or is that just at prom? Definitely at weddings .... Jazz, bring me some gummies ... bet yer house is full of pictures."

"Our house, full of pictures? I mean, I guess it is...Emmett and I have had some accomplishments that Esme has felt worthy of documenting. But not tonight, Bella. Es knows how I feel about tonight." _I wish I was there to bring her some gummies. Being anywhere with Bella would be better than what I am doing right now._

"You should still capture the moment, Shags."

"I don't like capturing moments that remind me of how much I fuck up, Bella. I don't need any more reminders." _Way to be emo again. You are such a fucktard, Edward._

"Well, if you don't capture the moment you'll never be able to look back when you are an old dusty and say: 'That's the day I was a bucket of tard.'" Her old man voice made me chuckle.

"Yeah, but I am pretty sure I won't need pictures to remind myself that I was a bucket of tard, Bella. Got the disappointed look on your face ingrained in my mind for the rest of my life."

"Dude, I'm not disappointed. You did what you felt you had to. No worries here."

"So you weren't disappointed that I am going to a dance with someone other than you? When I have been actively been pursuing you? I call bullshit." _Either it's bullshit, or this...thing...that we have between us, that is struggling to live, doesn't mean as much to her as it means to me._

"Would I have rather hung out with you tonight? Sure. Am I all green-eyed dragon about you going to the rug-cuttin' with some other bird? Not so much. I know it doesn't mean anything to you. We'll have our day, Shags."

"Well...I mean...I am glad that you know that this Lauren thing means nothing to me."

"Like I said, Shags. No worries."

_Yeah, no worries for you. 'Cause you aren't the one that is going to a dance with someone else as your date. _"I, uh...I really wish I was going with you, Bella. It pisses me off that I am not, that I am such a worthless piece of shit that I have to go with Lauren."

"DUDE! Go with Lauren and have fun. You ain't gunna have fun if you are mopey-moe 'bout it. Maybe I'll borrow the Fuzz's wheels and stop by for a bit."

_She's right...you have to stop feeling sorry for yourself...it's not going to change anything. _"I would really like to see you tomorrow, Bella." _Of course you would, you dickless pansy. You are such a damn vagina lately, aren't you?_

"That sounds like a plan, Shags. I will be here with chocolatey goodness ready."

I smiled to myself. "That sounds...fantastic, Bella."

"'Aight, Shags, you go get fancy. Ima gunna go have a serious chat with Myrtle, and you and I will hook up on the flip side, yeah?"

"Right. Yeah. I mean, okay."

_It's time to get your man pants on, buddy. Gotta stop acting so damn pussy-whipped, you hear me?_

"Check ya later, Sprout."

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Yeah, I'll talk to you later, Beautiful."

XXXXX

It didn't take long for me to get ready for the dance. You know, after I whacked off in the shower like, six times to the image of Bella.

_Yeah, pretty sure I am getting raw from all of my "self loving"._

I quickly threw on the Esme approved outfit for the night...black pants, a green button-up shirt, and a black jacket-thing (I think was called a blazer or something? I don't really have any idea what the fucking thing was called, to be honest). Struggling with my hair, I realized that it really didn't matter for shit what my hair looked like at the dance. In fact, none of my "getting ready" mattered at all, because the only person that I would want to impress at Forks High wouldn't even be there.

_I wonder if Bella would have gone to the dance with you if you had asked her like you should have._

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone clearing their throat from the entrance to my bedroom.

"You look lovely, Edward," Esme cooed, sipping from the champagne flute that she was holding in her hand.

"Yeah, well..."

"I know that tonight is less than ideal for you, sweetheart. But please remember that tonight is your senior homecoming dance, okay? You only get to do this once, baby."

"I know, Mom. I get to do it once and I am going with Lauren and not Bella..."

Esme shook her head and held her champagne-free hand out to stop me. "Enough, Edward. I get it, okay? You aren't going to the dance with the person that you really wanted to go with. But honey, there is nothing that you can do about it now. So why don't you just make the best of your situation?"

"But..."

"No 'buts', Edward. You won't be doing Bella a disservice if you are at least civil to all of those around you." My mother raised a finger to me, signalling that she needed a moment. "I will be right back, honey. Hold on one second."

I watched curiously as my mother slipped into the hallway and returned only moments later, holding another champagne flute in her free hand. "Here," she said, handing me the new glass. "This is for you."

I grabbed it, but raised an eyebrow in question. "Uhhh...not that I don't enjoy alcohol. But Es, what is this for?"

"To celebrate," she said with a half smile. "You are the winning quarterback from your high school homecoming game. You are a senior, and good Christ, Edward, you have a decent amount of stuff going for you. I mean, least of all, you clean up well." Esme smiled again and ruffed up my hair. "So have a drink, and smile a little. I talked to Emmett a little bit ago, and he is going to be by in about half an hour with Rosalie and your date."

I let out a small groan, but took a drink of the glass of champagne that my mother had handed me.

"Hey, don't groan at me. You made your bed, mister, now lay in it."  
**  
Bella POV**

"Bells-a-bub! You .. you look ... fucking amazing," Jazz said, his chops gaping a bit.

I looked at my ugly mug in the full length mirror. Pixie had done my hair up in an Audrey Hepburn-esqe Breakfast at Tiffany's do - all twisty up in the back with side swept bangs in the front. The makeup wasn't so bad either - nothing heavy, just emphasizing my eyes, cheeks and lips. The dress she had brought for me was nuthin' I would have picked, which is probably why she insisted on shoppin' for me. I would have selected sumthin' from the vintage section at the thrift store, come home to consult Myrtle, and then spiced it up Bella style. There were no crazy colours or sparkles or sequins or tulle or safety pins anywhere. It was a strapless white, floor length fitted dress with a an overlay of delicately embroidered black designs .... like someone did a pattern in black henna over the dress. Pixie had given me a matching shawl, black opera length gloves and a delicate black choker to finish the look off. I added a long cigarette holder with a Popeye cig jammed in the end. If I was gunna be all Audrey like, might as well get all in.

"Not that you don't look amazing all the time .. I mean .." His words dried up.

"You think, Jazz? I mean, guess I'm the dope n' shit, but doesn't really feel like me, dig? Dude ... she even made me wear undies. What kinda super hero can I be now?"

I turned and looked at him all dressed up in his zoot suit.

I hadn't planned on goin' to the shin dig at Sporks High, but Jazz and Pixie begged me to go. So I gave my yes'm. Despite what I told Shags, I was a little green-eyed dragon over his date with the virginally impaired (not to say that I was all chaste, but that girl could run laps 'round me). I kinda hoped he was gunna ask me, but part of my brains told me it couldn't be. Shags had appearances to maintain and peeps to make happy. We were still two different flip slides away.

Still didn't mean I wasn't green-eyed ... and nervous. Whoa great gazelles! Nervous? Oh yea, the nervous worms were wigglin'. I looked back in the mirror. What if he didn't like the hair? Or the dress? What if he didn't like this Hollywood Bella?

_Bella! What the hells noodles pizone! When was the last time you gave two cherry blasters over what some dude thought? Be your wicked awesome self!_

"Bells-a-bub, eyes will fall out of heads. Trust me," my Jazz said, givin' me his goofiest grin.

"We got time for the magic dragon?"

"YOU WILL NOT, BELLA!" Pixie's voice shouted out from the bathroom. "If you get all loosey goosey and trip and fall in that dress, I'll kill you!"

"Dude," I whispered, "think I got told." I gave Jazz my big-eyes-in-trouble face and he grinned.

"Here," he said handing me a small purse. "Under the worms you will find your treasure - for later."

Pixie exited the bathroom all ready to go. She was all cute and spunky in her retro flapper dress and matched with Jazz to a T. They made such an uber cool couple.

"Okay, if we don't leave now we'll be late," Pixie said shuffling us off toward the stairs.

At the bottom of the staircase I could see the Fuzz all ready with his old school camera to take pictures. As Jazz and Pixie went down the stairs his camera happy trigger finger went wild. I slowly descended after them being careful not to kill myself ... long dresses and heels do not make for the stablest Bellas.

I could see the Fuzz takin' his pictures, capturing his moments. When I got to the bottom of the stairs he made to say somethin' but stopped.

"You're beautiful, Bella, absolutely beautiful. So much like your mother ..." Tears welled in his eyes.

"Oh Pops! Big eyes! No cryin'! Captured moments get all washed out with the tears."

"I missed so much of your growing up. So much time." He reached out to touch my cheek.

"Awww Pops, you missed the boring parts. Never you worry. You get to see me in a dress. That's gotta be sumthin' right?"

The Fuzz smiled and choked back his emotions.

"Alright you kids. Get going, and no funny business. Behave while you're out there!"

"We always behave, Pops!"

"Yes, Sir!" Jazz sounded.

The Pixie just giggled as she shooed us to our chariot.

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**E/N: Leave us some love, please? Each review is like crack…or gummyworms to the six months pregnant Michelle!**


	14. Dancing the Night Away

**A/N: Hope this hasn't taken us TOO long! Paige and I have been busy! (Edit: Paige has been incredibly ill, and Michelle has been busy…sleeping. Baby is taking a lot outta her! Heh.)**

**Now, you guys have been reading this story for long enough to know that neither Michelle nor Paige own anything Twilight. But if Ms. Meyer is looking to get rid of the Twilight Empire, we would happily take over for her (and give her Bella some backbone, damnit!)!**

**If you guys get bored, Paige and I have both joined Twitter. You can follow us at PaigeParkker and MichelleMMarie (we both have our own accounts). Foul mouth heads-up: we are vulgar. And maybe that's putting it lightly?**

**Huge thanks to Twitarded for rec'ing us. Wayyyyy too friggin cool, guys!**

**And lastly, but certainly not least, a HUGE THANK-YOU to our betas, ****imcarriej and TRDancer. YOU GUYS ARE SAINTS. SERIOUSLY.**

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****Bella POV**

"Jazz, peeps are eyein' me."

"S'ok, Bells-a-bub; they just haven't seen you like this before."

"I feel dumb. This isn't me."

"Listen, Bella. You are beautiful. Let them stare."

Seriously. Eyes were all over me, lookin' at my hair and my dress. I felt like sea monkeys on display. Was it really that bad? I mean, there were no sparkles or tulle or knee high boots. And to make matters worse, no hats... no sunglasses... no necklaces... no bracelets... no pin on buttons. I was practically buck. Who designed these dresses? Sadists - that's who... with their itchy bits and everything having to be in the right place. _"Stand up straight! Don't slouch! Blahty blah blah blah." _ This dress was so not me. But it wasn't for me... it was for Shags. I was modifying my universe for him. I wanted to show him that I could meet him half way. Whatever my brainin' though, I was nervous.

"Really should have consulted Myrtle."

Jazz stopped and held my face in his palms, looking down at my made-up mug. "Bells-a-bub, you are beautiful... no matter what you wear. Same soul, don't let their stares bother you." He gave me a quick kiss on the lips and another on my forehead. He stared into my eyes for a long moment and then smiled.

"You look fantastic, Bella. Don't worry!" Pixie piped.

"C'mon my two most favourite girls. Dudes will be hatin'; no one else has two seriously hot babes accompanying them!"

I smiled as Jazz led us from the parking lot toward the school gym in his mad cool pimp-like manner. I guess if a dude is gunna have two smokin' bitches, might as well make the most of it.

Just before the gym entrance, a photo stop was set up with some dusty old takin' pictures of couples as they entered. Jazz and Pixie walked up to get their pic taken.

"C'mon, Bells-a-bub, you too!"

"Nah, this should be you and the Pixie."

"I'm fine if you want to be in the picture, Bella."

"Nah, you two crazy kids go for it."

I watched as they posed all cotton candy. Tiny chariots of disappointment crossed my heart as I remembered that through those doors Shags would be in there with Lauren. The girl _he _had asked instead of me. I mean, Shags had his reasons and stuff, but it still gave ya the ole one two to the blood squisher. He made his choice. And really, Bella equals kick ass, strong woman who can cut a rug all by her sexy ass self! Yeah! And I had my Jazz, and Pixie was pretty good herself.

I marched up to dusty old and posed in front of the backdrop. Score 18 for Bella on the drama.

"I'm ready for my close up, Mr. DeMille ..." I said in my best Gloria Swanson voice. Dusty old got his smile on and snapped my moment.

"Well, there you go, Norma Desmond. Enjoy the dance."

I grinned and high-tailed it up to Jazz and Pixie, who were waiting by the doors.

"Well, here goes nuthin'," I said before taking in a big gulp of air and slipping inside.  
**  
**

**Edward POV**

I let the chatter of the students around me drown out the sound of Lauren's annoying voice.

_Nah, I am not eavesdropping on my fellow students...just trying to keep myself occupied so I don't commit homicide. Because if I listen to one more fucking word come out of that stupid bitch's mouth, I will kill her._

The group of students to the left of me were talking about ditching the dance to go drink the bottles of Boonesfarm that one of the girls stole from her parents.

_Boonesfarm? Seriously? Fucking amateurs._

Shaking my head, I switched my concentration from the people to my left to the people standing to the right of me. After a few moments, I recognized them as kids a grade younger than me. And, judging by their close proximity to my "friends", I could tell that they were the popular kids in their grade. _Kids that I never gave a shit about because I really didn't socialize with anyone younger than me._

The kids were swaying a little bit as they were standing and looked a little worse for wear. _They have probably been drinking since earlier...much earlier._

"Damn," one of the juniors said under his breath. "Check out that fine piece of ass over there."

"Dude, where is this fine piece that you are talking about?" his friend slurred.

_These two guys are definitely drunk right now. And seriously worth listening to, because drunk people can be seriously entertaining._

"Seriously? Fuck, just look by the photo booth. She is the hottest bitch over there," the kid, Kyle, I think his name is, replied.

"Uhhhhh..." his friend trailed off. "That girl? With the white dress? 'Cause if that is who you are talking about, then, _dayum."_

"Shut the fuck up, you idiots. She isn't that hot," one of the girls said with a huff.

"Oh yes, she is," Kyle-kid retorted. "She is smoking fuck-hot."

_Probably some popular cookie-cutter Barbie bitch that they are talking about. God, members of my fellow male race are so fucking stupid. Between our stupid tastes in stupid woman and our stupid ways in showing said woman how they make us feel, males are...cringe-worthy._

"She is not smoking fuck-hot. I think that she looks a bit like the Police Chief's daughter, but like, prettier or something. Yeah, Isabel or something? Fuck if I know. And you know what? Fuck if I care," one of the more sober junior girls replied, biting her lip in a way to look coy.

_Whoa, wait...what? Bella? Someone here looks like Bella?_  
_  
_I let my eyes wander over to the place where Kyle-kid and his cronies were motioning toward, before they landed on the most stunning sight that my eyes have ever seen.

_That can't really be Bella, can it? Because she wouldn't come here. I begged her, and she flat-out refused to come. Said dances basically weren't her "thing."_

_But those eyes. Underneath all of that makeup, those eyes are definitely Bella's. And her lips, even though they were stained the most delicious shade of red, belonged to the woman that I had been lusting over since she moved here._

I slowly and uneasily walked up to the girl that looked like Bella.

_This isn't my Bella, is it? It...I...maybe? It doesn't hurt to find out._

The closer I got to the Bella look-alike, the more I realized that it was, indeed, my Bella. Her mannerisms, like the way her mouth twitched up into a smile, and the shaky way that she was touching her wrists gave her away as being the same woman that I had lusted over since the moment that she moved to Forks.

I could hear Lauren screaming my name behind me, but I ignored her whiny voice. Because this creature standing in front of me, the one that was giving all of the guys in the room a hard-on and making all of the girls envious, was Bella Swan.

"Bella, is that...is that you?" I questioned in an uneasy voice. _'Cause there was nothing appearance-wise that was pointing to this being Bella. Her outfit, as fucking beautiful as it is, did not scream "Bella". In fact, none of this did. _

"Hey, Shags..." she said smiling, and looking me over. "You clean up pretty good."

The sound of her voice, combined with the perfect color of her lips, made me shaky in the knees. "I...I clean up pretty good? Me? Fuck, Bella, look at...look at you."

_Yeah, I sound like a pussy. So the fuck what?_

"Pixie did it all. It's, uh, different," she said, not looking too sure of herself.

"Hey," I reached out a hand and touched her cheek. "Yeah, it's different. But it's got me thinking...is there anything that you can't wear? Because you look fucking amazing Bella." _It's no tutu, but it is fucking hot. This woman has got to be the most amazing specimen known to mankind._

"Thanks, Shags. Jazz and the Fuzz said similar stuff, but it is good to hear. I really don't know about all this fancy dress wearing. Not even a single button, Shags, or a safety pin! But whatever. Just for a night, right?"

"Right," I said, barely able to swallow. _This is seriously Bella? Bella is seriously here? At the Homecoming dance? Seriously? _"Bella, if it made you so uncomfortable, why didn't you add a button. Or even a safety pin? One wouldn't hurt." _Or a hundred wouldn't hurt. Fuck, make a dress outta buttons and I would be happy, as long as I could see Bella's beautiful face and not-so-innocent doe eyes._

"'Cause Pixie said it would spoil the look. She nearly flipped when I insisted on the Popeye cigs." She held up the long cigarette filter with the candy cigarette shoved in the end. "You surprised to see me? I wanted to tell you, but I wanted to surprise you too. Couldn't let you celebrate your dude huggin' victory without me."

"So...so some of this has to do with me?"

"It all has to do with you, Shags. Well, Jazz wanted me to come with him and Pixie too, but I wouldn't have come if you weren't gunna be here. Silly sprout."

_Wait...what? This seriously can't be happening to me; I must be laying in a gutter, dead right now. Bella isn't standing in front of me, dressed in a formal dress for Homecoming, telling me that she is here because I am here. No. Fucking. Way._

I pinched my arm, and regardless of the small amount of alcohol that I had drank with Esme earlier in the evening, I winced at the pain that I caused myself. "But I...I thought that, like, dances weren't your thing?"

She shrugged. "They aren't really, but I figured I could suck it up for one night. Besides, I'm a wicked awesome dancer. I like gettin' my groove on. Seemed kinda silly to get all fancied up and do that at home by myself."

I leaned in and smelled Bella like the fucking pervert that I was. "I am really glad you came, Bella. Really."

"Self control, Shags. 'Member, you gotta keep Captn' T's bird happy."

I rolled my eyes. "I came here with Lauren. That should keep her happy enough, I don't owe her anything else." I reached out to grab Bella's hand.

"So, you surprised, Shags?"

"What? To see you? Do you even have to ask that?" I squeezed Bella's hand, happy to be in contact with her in some way. "Even when I basically begged for you to come, you seemed like you would rather be doing something - anything - other than be here at this dance with me. And, yet, here you are."

"Pixie was putting pins in my hair when you called. I didn't wanna give up the goose, ya know? Isn't Lauren gunna be mad that you are over here talkin' to me?"

I shook my head. "When I was talking to you, did I ever give you the impression that I gave a shit about what Lauren thought?"

"No, but you did come with her."

I closed my eyes tightly. "I know. I tried to get out of it, remember." I opened my eyes and looked at Bella again, taking her other hand with my open one. "I thought this was a non-issue, Bella? Are you a little 'green eyed' about this?"

"Nah, nah, Shags. Just don't wanna cause problems, dig? Don't need no chick fight tonight. I don't think Pixie would be happy if I ripped the dress or anything."

"I wouldn't let anyone lay a hand on you. So even if Lauren is pissed and Rosalie is pissed and fuck, the whole _school _is pissed I would not give a flying shit; no one is touching you or your dress." _If Bella only knew how much the idea of Rosalie fucking with her scares me._

Just for good measure, I looked around to see if I could catch a glimpse of Rosalie or Lauren - to keep them in my sights - and realized that just about every student was looking at the interaction that was happening between Bella and I.

_I suggest you little fuckers take a picture of this captured moment, because it would last longer._

Lauren and Rosalie were both staring at me with wide eyes. I threw a huge smile in their direction before I turned my attention back to Bella.

"You gunna show me your best moves, Shags?"

"I'd rather watch your best moves, Bella. I don't really dance, unless it is a slow dance. And there is only one person that I would slow dance with, to be honest."

"C'mon, Shags. I'm not dancin' here by myself." She took my arm and led me out onto the dance floor.

I struggled against Bella's grip for just a moment before I gave into her actions. _Aw, fuck it. You have danced with Bella to a non-slow song before. Yeah, you were wasted out of your mind, but how hard can this dancing stuff be? Besides, it is an excuse to get her body right up to yours._

Satisfied with our spot on the dance floor, Bella stopped and turned to me, breaking her hands away from mine.

"Why do you want to dance so badly, Bella?" _Are you that uncomfortable around me that you don't want to be anywhere near me by yourself?_

"It's a dance, Shags. You're supposed to cut a rug. I mean, you don't go to a dude huggin' game and not dude hug." She smiled and started moving her body to the music, her eyes never leaving mine.

_My God, the sight in front of me is fucking erotic. How have I not came in my pants yet?_

Bella swayed to the music in a much looser manner than the other students around us. _Must be one of those things that you pick up when you are dancing naked in the desert, huh? _I watched her move for a few moments more before I walked up to her and put my hands on her hips. "You are driving me fucking nuts, Bella. Seriously, this? This is too much for me. And my practically non-existent self control."

"Shhhhhhhh, Shags. Listen to the music. Just move." She closed her eyes, lips parting slightly as she moved to the beat of the music... her hips moving, her body moving closer to mine. There was nothing nervous or embarrassing about the way she moved, not like the other kids who just shuffled their feet.

"Mmmhmm," I hummed. "You are telling me to listen to the music? To just move? I am dancing with the most beautiful woman in the room, and you expect me to basically ignore that fact? It's not possible." I couldn't help but let my body move closer to hers. She placed her hands on my hips, guiding my movements to match her own.

She opened her eyes and looked up at me. "Every woman in the room is beautiful, Shags. Now stop making excuses." She grinned and continued dancing.

"That may be. But none of them - not a single one of them - can hold a candle to you."

"You're just sayin' that to get into my panties, Shags. Dude. Pixie made me wear some."

I couldn't help the smile that played on my lips. "Well, I have been inside your panties...and...I can't wait to be back." I leaned in closer to whisper in her ear. "And panties won't stop me, Bella. They are just a small piece of unoffending fabric that can be easily removed."

"You know the rules 'bout that, Shags," she whispered back, her breath tickling my skin, her lips lightly brushing my ear.

"Aren't rules, like, made to be broken?" I brushed the back of her neck with my hand before I trailed it down her back and grabbed her ass.

_Yes, I am a crude son of a bitch._

"Not these ones, Shags," she said, pressing herself against my body.

"You sure about that?" I questioned, lowering my lips to her neck and placing a small kiss underneath her ear. "Because all you have to do is say the word, and I will ditch the dance and my date and take off with you. Hell, you don't even have to say the word and I will be willing to leave; as long as I am with you."

"Control, Grasshoppah!" she said, tilting her head to the side so I could access her neck better.

"Remember what I told you? Control is overrated," I breathed, nipping at her slender neck and perfect skin that was just screaming for me to take into my mouth.

"Shags, peeps are staring..."

My mouth broke away from Bella's neck for just a moment as I glanced around the room.

_Yeah, so everyone in the room is watching you molest Bella._

_And right now? I could give a fuck less. Bella just feels so perfect in my arms and her skin tastes too damn sweet to care even a little bit._

"Yeah, so?" I lowered my lips to her skin again. "Let them stare."

"Mmmm, Shags, that feels good," she murmured.

Bella's pelvis came in contact with my hard-on and I let out a low hiss. "It could feel better if we...weren't surrounded by students and fucking chaperones." I continued grinding my erection into Bella. _Yeah, it doesn't feel the best, but it is something._

_My God, Cullen; you are a Goddamn pervert. Attacking Bella in front of the entire school will surely be frowned upon on Monday morning.  
_  
"Oh? And what would you do, Shags? Hmmm?"

_At this rate, I am going to have to go and whack off in the bathroom before I even leave the dance. _"Everything. I would do everything." _Let her read into that whatever she wants. _

Bella carefully started dancing with me in the most erotic, playful way possible. _She is just playing with me, isn't she?_

"If I wanted to watch you get off?" she smiled, her body brushing my erection.

_Yep, definitely just playing with me. _"That depends." _Two can play at this game. _I brushed my lips against her neck once again, earning a small groan from Bella.

"On?"

"If I was doing it myself, or if you were...helping me."

Bella deliberately brushed her hand against me, and I bucked into her hand before I let out another low hiss.

"Are you trying to kill me, Bella?"

"Just testing control, Shags ... "

"It's not very nice. I mean, I am starting to think that you don't like me at all." I smirked and rubbed myself into Bella once more.

"Maybe it is my control we are testing, Shags." She bit her bottom lip gently as she discreetly cupped my cock in her hand.

"Oh my fuck, Bella. No, this isn't your control that we are testing." I leaned in and caressed her ear with my lips. "It is taking all of the control in the world for me to not rip your dress off you right now."

Suddenly, Bella pressed herself into me more, and I responded by smiling from ear to ear and preparing to grind myself into her even more.

Until I realized that the reason why she was being pushed into me was because Emmett was standing right behind her and pushing her forward, into my raging hard-on of massive proportions.

_Mother fucking cock block. My own flesh and blood is fucking with me...how fair is that?_

"Emmett, what the fuck?" I hissed under my breath.

"Dude, had to introduce myself to the infamous Bella Swan." Bella gracefully turned in the Cullen sandwich to face Emmett, likely brushing both of us in the process. Emmett held out his hand to Bella. "It is so nice to meet the woman who finally has my brother's panties in a twist, instead of the other way around."

I scowled at Emmett as I watched Bella place her delicate hand in his monkey paw.

"Well howdy, Capt'n t! What's goin' down, my friend?" she said smiling, her ass pressed firmly against me.

I squeezed my eyes tightly shut, trying to imagine something - anything - to control my raging boner.

But I couldn't think of anything repulsive enough to calm little Eddie. Nothing, not even an image of a naked Lauren Mallory, was helping me out.

_I gotta get away from Bella. Being in direct contact with her is fucking killing me and giving me the worst case of blue balls the town of Forks has ever seen._

I placed a small amount of distance between Bella and I while rubbing her shoulders. It's like I wanted to say, "It's not you, baby. It's my cock. I gotta get away before he explodes and blinds us all."

"Just watching my little brother molest the shit out of you," Emmett replied with a smirk. _Okay, so I don't think that he is my best friend anymore. I am pretty sure that I want to kick his ass right now._

"Yeah, think he wants in my panties pretty bad," she said grinning. "So what do you think of this shin-dig? Peeps round here aren't much for dancin' are they. You like to dance, Capt'n?"

I growled and narrowed my eyes at my brother, daring him to say something more.

"Yeah, I love to dance! Actually, mind if I cut in?" Emmett asked, ignoring the look I was giving him and pushing me aside with his big ass.

"Actually, I fucking do," I answered, giving him my best "I mean business" glare.

"Shags, it's only for one dance. Besides, I bet the good Capt'n will be on his best behaviour. Now, Capt'n T, hope you are a better dancer than Shags here," she gave me a teasing smile.

"Still not cool with this," I murmured under my breath.

I watched as my brother reached out for Bella's hand just as the song transitioned into a slow one. _The only kind of damn song that I can dance to._

"Hey," I patted my brother on his shoulder, "can I have this one and you have the next? I have been waiting for a slow song."

Emmett grimly shook his head. "No can do, little bro. Rose would let me have one song before she started getting jealous or something. Hey, why don't you go talk to her? You have barely said two words to her the entire night."

_Why would I talk to her? She is the reason why I am at the dance with Lauren and not with Bella._

I pursed my lips, pissed as fuck at Emmett and my missed-opportunity to dance with Bella. Grumbling a little under my breath, I decided to head back to where my fucking date was standing.

As I got a little closer to Lauren, I realized that both she and Rosalie were pissed.

_At least, I think that they were pissed? They were both looking at me with narrowed eyes and their lips were pressed into straight lines. That kind of body language usually spells out "pissed" with a capital "P"._

"Hey," I flatly said, not making eye contact with either of the woman who were now standing in front of me.

"What the fuck was that, Edward? Seriously, do you not have a brain? I could fucking slap you, I am serious."

I turned and glared at Rosalie, who was now absolutely scowling at me.

"Don't frown," I made a gesture with my hand towards her face. "Not only is it unbecoming, but I hear that it causes wrinkles. And someone like you," I motioned toward Rosalie again, "and you," I motioned towards Lauren, "would be vain enough to care about wrinkles when you are 18."

Rosalie's eyes squeezed into tight slits. "Don't change the subject, Edward. Your date here has been lonely all night because you have been off gallivanting around, associating with the likes of _Bella Swan_." Rosalie spit out Bella's name like there was venom in her mouth.

"All night? Bella just fucking got here." I leaned in close to Rosalie, trying my best to control the urge to slap her. _Remember, Esme taught you better than to slap a girl. _"I have spent more than enough time with my date."

Apparently Lauren did not like my answer. "You have not! I have been here all alone this entire time, Eddie!" Lauren exclaimed, stomping her foot on the ground.

I raised an eyebrow and frowned. "Really, Lauren? Did you really just stomp your foot?"

She looked back at me with false doe-eyes, and I shook my head again. "You know what? It doesn't matter, Lauren. You knew from the beginning of this all that I wasn't really keen on the idea of going with you." _Edit: I wanted more than anything to get out of this "date". _"But you wouldn't hear any of that, would you? You still wanted to believe that I was here because of you. And you know, it's not my fault that you are fucking delusional."

Rosalie wasted no time as she walked over to me and slapped me, hard, across the face. "You will not talk to her like that," she spit out angrily.

My hand instinctively reached up and rubbed my cheek where her hand had come in contact with my face. I was speechless; I had no idea what to say in response to Rosalie's actions. _Actually, I didn't know what to say to her without making her hate my guts forever. And because she was my brother's girlfriend, I still had to watch what I said to her._

_Is it unfair that I need to practically walk on eggshells around this woman because I need her to "like" me, and she is free to fucking verbally and physically assault me whenever she wants? Yeah, this is bullshit._

_You gotta calm down. You can't hit a woman, Cullen, let alone your brother's girlfriend._

_But how the fuck am I gonna calm down?_

I took deep breaths, and focused on my inhaling and exhaling.

_This is not working._

I closed my eyes so tightly that I saw stars behind my eyelids. 

_Still not working. I need to do something, or I swear to God, I am gonna punch a bitch._  
_  
_And suddenly, I had an idea. I let my eyes seek out where Emmett and Bella were still dancing, and I focused on Bella's beautiful form.

_Bella. Bella with Emmett. Two very huge reasons to not hit the girl that is standing in front of me. _I focused on them as I felt myself zone out completely.

_Bella. Beautiful Bella, naked in a field, taking pictures and capturing moments._  
_  
_I could hear Rosalie bitching still, but I honestly did not give a shit about whatever was coming out of her mouth as I watched Bella's graceful form dancing with my brother. For the first time in my life, I wished that Emmett would come over here and stick his dick in Rosalie's mouth if it meant that she would just _shut the fuck up_ already.

_Dude, that is gross. And wholly inappropriate. But I still wish it. _

I was still zoned out as I held up my hand in attempts to silence Rosalie. My actions only pissed off Rosalie more, as she swatted at my hand while swearing a line of expletives.

_Seriously, how does this woman have any friends? She is seriously the biggest bitch known to mankind._

_And poor Emmett. He could do so much better than this woman._

I watched in wonderment as her face started turning red; and I mean, really, really red. _I think that she is pissed that you still haven't said anything to her since she slapped you._

_As if her actions dignified some sort of a response. Rosalie Hale is not my boss...and after the stunt that she just pulled, I don't give a shit about what she has to say about anything._

_I mean, what kind of person thinks that they can just slap someone for disagreeing with them? Seriously?_

I tuned back to the sound of fingers being snapped in front of my face. "Hello? Assface? Are you even fucking listening to me?" Rosalie huffed, her face still beet-red.

I frowned. "Uh, I thought that it was pretty obvious that I wasn't listening."

"Oh my God! You are such an asshole!"

_Speak for yourself, Rosalie._

I simply shrugged, indifferent to her reaction to me.

_Huh...indifference. You should have thought of that a long time ago._

"You know what, Edward? You can go fuck yourself. I am seriously done with you." Rosalie crossed her arms in front of her chest and let out another huff.

I didn't take my eyes off Bella and Emmett as I shrugged once more.

_Goddamnit, this is like, the world's longest slow song. Is it almost over? I really want to get away from Rosalie and back to Bella._

The song died down, and Bella broke away from Emmett. _Thank fucking God._ Still ignoring Rosalie and Lauren, I started to make my way back over to Bella when the sound of a screeching microphone halted everyone in their tracks.

"Can I please get everyone's attention?" Principal Meyers asked, clearing her throat into the microphone.

The chatter of students died down as focus shifted from individual conversations to the stout principal that was standing on the makeshift stage that had been set up in the front of the room.

"Thank you," she said to the students who were now watching her with curious eyes. "I just wanted welcome you all to the dance, and to congratulate the football team on an excellent win at their game today."

The now-bored students clapped their hands with fading interest.

Principal Meyers smiled and nodded her head at Ms. Cope, who was standing off to the side of the stage. "And now, ladies and gentlemen, I would like to announce this year's winners of Forks High homecoming king and queen, as chosen by you!"

Excited chatter swept across the crowd, and Principal Meyers "shushed" the crowd.

I continued slowly making my way back to Bella from across the room. _Just a little bit farther, just a little bit farther, just a little bit farther..._

"First off, I would like to announce this year's homecoming king." 

_Good, great, get it fucking over with. _I continued inching my way back to Bella.

"And it is no surprise that this gentleman is following in his big brother's shoes. Congratulations to our new homecoming king, Mr. Edward Cullen!"

I stopped dead in my tracks. _Shit, I am homecoming king? Fuck._

_What the fuck am I supposed to do now? Can I just ignore all of this and run off with Bella?_

_Nah. Esme would be slightly disappointed with you if she found out that you blatantly ignored something like this and ran away.  
_  
I plastered on my most genuine smile as I painfully walked away from Bella and toward the stage. _You should be happy about this, man. I mean, you are homecoming king!_

_...So the fuck what. Who gives a shit about any of this? None of this matters outside of high school. And high school is a fucking joke. Wait...even my inner voice couldn't care less about all of this? Ha._

I reached the stage and bent over as the principal placed the cheap plastic crown on my head.

_A cheap, plastic crown? How fucking cliche._

"Congrats, Mr. Cullen," she said, before stepping away from me and grabbing another craptastic crown from Ms. Cope.  
_  
_"And now, I would like to announce this year's homecoming queen!"

Students around the stage clapped again. They seemed marginally interested to find out who the homecoming queen was going to be.

_When the fuck did all of this get voted on, anyways? Did I miss the "vote for whoever you want to torture with a fake plastic crown" ballot box?_

"Congratulations to your homecoming queen, Miss Rosalie Hale."

_Fuck. Really? You guys voted for Rosalie? How is it possible that anyone even _likes_ Rosalie?_

Rosalie reached the stage with a prideful smile on her face. She bent down gracefully as the crown was placed on her head and as she was given "congratulations," the look on her face that made it seem like she felt like this was deserved.

_Yeah, you deserved homecoming queen. What does that even mean?_

"And now, if the homecoming king and queen would please take to the dance floor and have their first dance, we can get this homecoming dance show on the road!" Ms. Meyers exclaimed excitedly.

_My God, this school is run by a bunch of tools. Seriously._

Rosalie looked at me like I was infected by a flesh-eating virus, and I couldn't help but smile. _What, you are too good to dance with me but not to slap me?_

We reached the center of the dance floor, and I reluctantly placed my arms around Rosalie's waist.

"Just...fucking...pretend," she muttered under her breath. "And don't say a fucking word."

_Pretend that I can tolerate you? Welcome to my daily fucking world._

I danced in silence with Rosalie, praying the entire time that the goddamn dance would be over so I could go dance with Bella.

_Before you didn't want to dance with her, and now all you want to do is dance with her? How funny._

_How ridiculous._

_How cheesy._

The excruciatingly long song ended, and I located Bella in the crowd as soon as I let go of Rosalie.

"Eddie!" Lauren called to me as soon as I stepped away from Rosalie. "Dance with me, baby!"

_Uh, gross. I think that I just vomited in my mouth. Does she seriously not know that I am ignoring her?_

I ignored Lauren's comment completely as I made my way through the crowd to find Bella.

As soon as my hand reached out for hers, I felt myself sigh in relief. _Finally. Fucking finally I have her in my arms again._

I felt like a man dying of thirst who was just handed a glass of water.

"Come here," I whispered, pulling her close to me. "Dance with me, Bella."

"A'ight, King Shags. _Now_ you wanna dance," she said smiling, her body moving in time with mine.

"In theory, I have wanted to be _close _to you all night. But dance? I haven't wanted to do that since Emmett stole you away from me." I leaned in and placed a small kiss on her forehead. "Would it be ridiculous for me to tell you that all I have been thinking about since I watched my brother dance with you was dancing with you myself?"

"Awwww, Shags, you gotta crown and turned all fromage like."

I raised my eyebrows, suddenly self-conscious about the crown on my head. "This piece of shit crown means nothing to me. Honestly, I think that what's gotten me all cheesy is you. Yeah, you. You, in that dress, here, at the fucking Homecoming dance."

"I wanted to be here with you."

"I am so glad that you wanted to be here. Because if you weren't...I...I have no fucking idea."

_Ever the eloquent one, aren't you, Cullen? You always say just the right words to make Bella uncomfortable. Jackass._

I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts a little bit. "And since we are on the topic of cheesy, I feel I need to say this to you. Thank you, Bella, for coming to this shitty dance. It means a lot that you are here."

_That little confession right there? Just made like, every man in the world sick to his stomach._

"Wouldn't have missed it for the world."

I pulled myself away from Bella to look her directly in the eyes. "Really? 'Cause, uh...why?" _Why wouldn't she miss it for the world? When I asked, no, _begged, _for her to come, she made it seem like she would rather watch paint dry that to come to something like this dance._

"It's important to you."

I didn't know what to say to that. _Fuck, I didn't even know what to think after that. _Instead, I reached over and placed a small kiss on her neck. "Thank you. Seriously."

"No need to thank me, Shags. 'Sides, I wanted to see what you looked like all dressed up."

I grinned at her. "I am nothing special dressed up, Bella. I look pretty much the same as I always do..."

"Nah, you're pretty sexy there, Shags. Something 'bout these dress shirts..." She flicked a button open.

"Sexy, huh?" I raised an eyebrow. "A dress shirt is sexy?"

"When it is on you it is ... or my floor." She was clearly flirting with me.

"I could say the same about your dress, Ms. Swan."

"Shame we don't have that project done, Shags."

I shook my head, still smiling. "Shame you decided to come up with those rules."

_Hey, so in all seriousness, how about you undo the rest of my buttons? I promise I could show you what my shirt - and the rest of my clothes - would look like on the floor of your bedroom._

Like she read my mind, Bella unbuttoned a few more buttons and ran her fingers up and down the exposed flesh of my chest.

_I have to get away from here before I get in trouble for behaving inappropriately at school._

"Only way to get things done."

"We could think of other ways to get things done, Bella." As the song transitioned to a slow one, I pulled Bella closer to me. _Finally, a fucking slow song.  
_  
I could feel every little detail of her body pressed against my skin, and I was feeling torn between being in my own personal heaven and my own personal hell.

Heaven, because having Bella in my arms was the most amazing feeling ever; nothing compared to it.

Hell, because although having this perfect creature with me right now was perfection in and of itself, she wasn't mine to keep. And although the thought of me claiming someone as "mine" scared the shit out of me, it almost pained me to know that Bella was not coming home with me tonight.

_Look at you, you over dramatic pussy. Even if she was yours, she probably wouldn't go home with you tonight because you are in fucking high school. Seriously, dude, pull your head out of your ass._

"I'm glad I'm here tonight, Shags. May not have a camera to capture this moment, but I won't forget it."

"I could always be a mama's boy and call Esme. You know that she would rush over here just to take pictures of us together."

Bella smiled and wrapped her arms around my neck as she wove her hands through my hair. The feeling was fucking divine, and I had to resist the urge to groan in delight.

_I could die right now and die a happy man._

Bella looked right into my eyes and swayed against my now-prominent erection. _I swear, she does that shit to me on purpose._

"Bella...oh fuck, Bella. You are driving me fucking crazy. As usual. I am starting to think that you are trying to kill me. You know, 'death by blue balls'."

"You shouldn't get so excited then, Shags_," _she said, smiling slyly.

"'Cause it's not easy to be excited or anything, considering the fact that you keep coming into contact with what is keeping me at full attention." I bent down and sucked some skin from her neck into my mouth for a moment before letting it go.

_I hope that makes a mark...because she is mine, fuckers. _Mine.

Bella let out a small whimper, which only spurred me to suck on her neck again. Her whimpers got louder.

"Either we take this somewhere else, B, or I keep going like this on the dance floor. Seriously, I can't keep my hands off you." I switched my mouth to the other side of her neck, and started gingerly sucking on her soft flesh.

"Kiss me, Shags... please."

Her request almost took my breath away. _I seriously thought she would never ask._

I crushed my lips onto hers with such force, that I was afraid for a moment that I had drawn blood. When she returned my kisses with fervor, I knew that not only had neither of us been hurt, but that she wanted this as badly as I did. And then she moaned into my mouth...

"Bella," I groaned between kisses. "So perfect." I ran my hands up and down her back, pausing for a moment to cup her ass.

I let my tongue dance into Bella's mouth and she responded to my tongue by flicking it with her own. Her fingers tightened in my hair and pulled my head down even more. I complied, and ran my tongue around her lips before capturing them by my own once again. Her hips were gently thrusting and grinding against me.

And then suddenly, without notice, the music that was pumping through the speakers stopped playing. Looking up from Bella, I glanced around the room to see what had happened to cause the abrupt sound change.

And I immediately noticed that every kid in the room was looking at us.

Fucking _staring _at us.

The room was completely silent now, except for the sobs that were permeating from Lauren Mallory's shaking body.

_Oh my God, Lauren, get a life. Yeah, I agreed to go to this Godforsaken dance with you, but there is nothing more that is going to happen between us. Ever. So fucking get over it already._ I couldn't help but roll my eyes as tears poured freely down her cheeks.

Lauren's cries were promptly followed up by the screams of Rosalie, of course, which caused everyone in the room to stop breathing and practically cower in fear.

_This is the woman you all elected as your Homecoming Queen? Really?_

"Edward! How fucking _dare_ you!" Rosalie spit as she made her way across the room towards Bella and me. She seriously looked like her head was going to explode, and I felt my arm tighten around Bella's waist instinctively, as if to protect Bella from the fury that was radiating off Rosalie.

_She's mine, bitch. You can't touch her. And you know what? If you are gonna hit someone, it may as well be me. Again._

But before I could stand up to Rosalie, Bella panicked.

"Oh, Shags, what have I done?" Bella said, her eyes going wide. She wiggled out of my arms, stepped back, looked around and took off toward the table where Jasper and Alice were sitting. I watched as she grabbed her purse and ran out of the gym.

"Bella!" I tried yelling after her, but I was too late. She didn't even give me a moment to stop her, to tell her that it doesn't matter to me. She took off running like a bat out of hell.

I watched, defeated, as Bella ran away from the dance. I turned to Rosalie and shook my head furiously.

"You...you are a stupid _cunt_, Rosalie." Murmurs flew around the room as the cuss word escaped my lips. Before I could do anymore damage to FHS or FHS's fucking homecoming queen, I turned on my heel to leave the dance.

I had successfully walked out of the building before Emmett caught up to me.

"E, man, where are you going?" he questioned, panting to catch his breath.

"Home."

"But...?" Emmett questioned, clearly confused.

"Bella left, Emmett. And I have no wants or needs to stay at the dance anymore. So, I am walking home."

He scratched the side of his head. "You don't want to wait for me to give you a ride?"

"Nope. I don't want to inconvenience your bitch of a girlfriend any more than I already have. So I'll walk."

_Yeah, I called Rosalie a bitch to Emmett's face. Which is a lot less worse than what I called her in front of the entire school, so he should be able to handle it._

Emmett tensed up, his hands balling into fists at his side. After a few moments, he opened his mouth to speak. "Okay, well...you and I gotta talk later on, don't think that we won't be discussing what just happened back there." He spoke softly, letting his features relax a little bit before deciding to talk again. "Walk home safe, little brother."

"I'll try."

**Bella POV**

I yanked the pins outta my hair as I hightailed it from Sporks High. What had I been brainin'? Seriously. I mean, going to the shin-dig in the first place was probably a mistake. I didn't fit; it's all round-peg-triangle-hole. But I put on the dress, got fancied up. I wanted to be with him, see him, do something that was normal in his universe... expand my universe. And then I let my whore-moans get in the way - should not have been making out on the dance floor. What was I brainin'? Well, it was clear I was not brainin', but my kitty sure was. Shags was probably back there having to deal with Jockus Populairs, and I bailed on Jazz and Pixie. But poop on a stick... Shags made me all wobble kneed and tingly - like electricity jumping over my skin. Screw solar panels, just need Shags touching me and I could feed a grid. I just wanted it to be easy, like a dream. The Cinderella of Sporks gettin' her Prince Charming. I travelled my universe and found the other half and now it was proving difficult to stick it all together. Maybe the glue wasn't strong enough ... maybe I needed different glue. Maybe there was a reason they told you not to eat the paste in little due and dudette school.

It was all fucked .. like Wilbur sitting down to bacon and eggs.

I wobbled along the road home on the heels of death and popped into the trees where there was a good spot. Rooting through my purse, I found the surprise Jazz had left. My friend was HUGE, and much needed. I sparked that bitch, sat on a fallen tree and inhaled peace and calm. Mary J seemed to make everything feel all right. She brought the stars closer to the tree tops, made leaves chitter-chat in whispers, made the spinnin' of the earth slow for a while. Problems seemed to vanish.

A good woman.

Taking the edge off.

Ahhh, Shags, why does it have to be so hard?

My purse started vibrating and I dug out my phone, dropping a few worms in the process. The caller ID came up 'Shags'. My blood squisher wanted to chitter chat with him, but my nerves were too raw. The universe was just too fragile and sensitive at the moment. I dropped Shags back into my purse, hoping that he would understand.

I pushed myself to my feet, brushed off some bark and sauntered to Chez Fuzz, munchin' on my worms as I went.

_What's gunna happen to my universe now?_

_

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__**E/N: Leave us some love, please? Every review makes the impending childbirth that Michelle is gonna have to suffer through in just a few months time just a little bit easier. Seriously.**_


	15. Little White Fish

**A/N: This is a joint production between Paige Parkker (who writes B) and Michelle M Marie (who writes E).**

**Neither of us own anything Twilight related…but we are owned by our crazy awesome Betas, imcarriej and ****TRDancer.**

**Both Paige and I are on Twitter, so if you want to follow us, we would love you forever! PaigeParkker, MichelleMMarie**

**THANK YOU TO ALL OF YOU WHO LEFT REVIEWS! I try REALLY HARD to respond to all of them but I am crazy and never remember who I respond to (gotta love "pregnancy brain, huh?) So if I didn't respond to any of your last reviews…THANK YOU! We appreciate and adore each and every one that we get!**

**

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****Edward POV**

High school drama was driving me fucking nuts.

I avoided the shit out of Emmett all weekend long, which was the first time that I had ever done anything like that in my entire life. He was my best friend, right? So why was I hiding from him?

_Because you called his girlfriend a "cunt" in front of the entire school. That is a seriously damning black mark on your friendship, for sure._

So _maybe_I avoided Emmett for the duration of his stay because I wasn't in the mood to get my ass kicked. _Because seriously, Emmett's bitch of a girlfriend knocked me around enough for one weekend, thank you very much._

I tried relentlessly to contact Bella, but to no avail. I probably called her cell phone a hundred times, like the good little stalker that I am, but she didn't answer.

_Why is she avoiding me? I...I want to know how to fix what is bothering her._

I knew that showing up at her house unannounced could end with me getting shot by the police chief, so I steered clear of that option, and kept calling Bella's phone.  
_  
But I mean, without her answering, I don't even know where to start to fix things. Is she mad at me? Or is she mad at what happened at the dance?_

_Or is she high as a kite, not giving a shit about answering her phone either way?_

Esme was concerned with my behavior, asking me where her "lesser emo" son went. After figuring out how the hell she even knew what emo meant, I assured her that everything was fine and that I was just "having one of those days."

"'Having one of those days'? You aren't a pubescent girl, Edward. You don't have a period to mope over," Esme said, shaking her head as she walked away.

_Great. First I get called emo, and then my mom makes a comment about me having a period. Fuck my life completely._

Finally, the weekend from hell was over, and it was time for school on Monday morning.

So what did I do that Monday morning? I acted like no high school senior has ever acted and rushed to school faster than fucking Mighty Mouse or some shit in an attempt to see Bella before class started.

_Dude, I should have just, like, stalked her at home when the chief wouldn't have expected it. Like at night, when everyone was sleeping. You know, I could have climbed into her window while she was sleeping, and watched her sleep like the little pervert that I am. 'Cause that wouldn't have been the most fucking creepy thing ever._

I scanned the crowds of students as they milled into FHS, but did not catch a glance of Bella. I did, of course, see everyone that I would have rather avoided.

"Hey, Cullen!" Tyler called to me. "You wouldn't have won homecoming king if people knew that you liked to make out with Swan Spawn!"

_Fuck you, Tyler. Wasn't it just a little bit ago that you and Mike were talking about how hot Bella was? _

"Are you kidding me, Tyler? Did you not _see_Bella at the dance?" I replied as I watched the look of amusement slide off Tyler's face.

_Yeah, that's what I thought. Don't like being called out on shit, do you? You know that Swan is hot, so don't even try to deny it._

"Yeah, well, I wouldn't want to tap that after her best friend has clearly tapped it...over and over and over again." Mike laughed as he high-fived Tyler.

I ignored Mike's comment as I felt my hands ball into fists at my side. _You can't punch him, man. You promised Bella, remember? No fighting over her. Besides, if you fight Mike at school, you will probably be suspended or something. Then who the fuck knows when you would be able to talk to Bella? You would have to seriously resort to stalking her. And stalking the police Chief's daughter probably isn't in your best interests. Or your balls' best interests. _

"Shut the fuck up, Newton," I threatened through my clenched teeth without making a move either away from Mike or towards him.

"Or what, Cullen? You gonna get a punch in before I kick your ass this time? Or you gonna lay down and take it again like the little bitch you are?" Mike asked, turning to Tyler to fist-bump.

I saw red for a moment, before the logical side of me started thinking about Bella again, and all of the repercussions that would happen if I decided to act on my aggressions.

There were two factors that made it quite easy to not punch the shit out of Mike at that moment. One, he clearly thought that Tyler holding me down while he punched the shit out of me equalled me laying down and taking it like a little bitch, instead of what it really was, which was an unfair fight. Anyone who thought that was cool was clearly missing some brain cells and could not be reasoned with. Two, the fist bump. _The fucking fist bump. _Mike was going to get his ass kicked enough times in the real world, outside of high school, for me to even waste my time on him. _Because everyone knows that the fist bump is pretty much only used by douche bags. Douche bags who need their asses kicked, to boot._

_Fucking idiots. Fucking no-brain idiots who are not worth wasting my time over._

I simply ignored the snide comments escaping from Mike and Tyler as I walked away and headed in the direction of my first class.

_Seeing Bella was going to have to wait. Because if I stand in that hallway looking for her again, I would have to kick some douche bag ass._

XXX

My day completely dragged by, and, while I looked forward to each class ending so I could go find Bella, I was unsuccessful in my attempts of tracking her down between class periods.

Finally it was lunch period.

And I knew that I had to find Bella during lunch, because there was nowhere she could eat her lunch that I couldn't find.

_I had already found all the hiding places while I hid during lunch from my so-called friends._

But, as was my luck all day long, Bella was missing from her table. And, quite unusually, Bella was the only one missing. Jasper and Alice and even the fuckface Jacob Black were sitting at the table, but Bella was missing.

_Fuck it,_I thought. _I am going to go and ask where the fuck Bella is. Because I am sick and tired of avoidance._

I casually walked up to the table, regardless of the fact that everyone there was looking at me like I had a flesh-eating virus or something.

Jasper ignored me, but Alice was staring at me with a bizarre look.

"Hey, Alice. Can I ask you a question?" I nervously rolled my sleeves up to my elbows as I caught Jasper's glare.

_Hey, man, don't be hating. I didn't do anything wrong...this time._

"Sure, Edward," she said, looking at me warily.

"Listen, I know that...I know that things are a little weird right now. But I really need to find Bella. Do you...do you know where she is?"

_I think Jasper is seriously gonna kick my ass. Or bust a cap in it. Either way, he looks pissed at me. But why? I didn't do anything this time, Goddamn it!_

"What the fuck do you need to talk to her about?" Jasper spit out as he stood. "Don't you think you've done enough?"

I put my arms up. "Hey, man, not trying to fuck with anything right now. I just need to talk to her, to straighten some things out. Because after the dance, my universe needs some clarifying, man. I am not looking to cause any trouble, I swear." _Please don't kill me, please don't kill me, please don't kill me..._

"Yeah, right. Looking to finish what you started? Want to completely humiliate her in front of the school?" His anger was almost tangible.

Alice reached up and placed a hand on Jasper's arm.

"Jasper, sit. Bella and Edward need to figure out their own issues." She looked at me. "Bella is likely in the darkroom."

"The darkroom...okay. Thank you, Alice, thank you so very much." I ran out of the lunch room and into the hallway before I could hear if Alice responded, and before Jasper could kick my ass.

_The darkroom? Why didn't I think of her being in there earlier? We talked about utilizing this classroom a few days ago in our media class. Bella loves her photography, so obviously she would be in there._

I approached the door quietly, regardless of the fact that I had ran the entire way to the room and calmed my breathing before letting myself into the front corridor of the darkroom. Before I thought twice about it, I turned around and pressed the lock in place that was installed for after-hours safety.

_Okay, so we are gonna talk about this, whether Bella wants to do it or not; because I am not letting her run away from me again._

My eyes adjusting to the dimming light, I walked down the narrow corridor until I reached the main part of the darkroom.

Bella was standing at the developing trays with her back to me, and because of the low, red light in the room, I gently cleared my throat to alert her to the fact that I was now watching her.

_Watching her and imagining what it would be like to taste her again._

She let out a small gasp as she turned. "Shags!"

I watched her from the doorway of the room before I approached. _The sight of a woman who has been running from me since she kissed me at the homecoming dance._

In the low glow of red light bulbs, I could see that Bella was wearing some sort of gypsy skirt paired with a tunic shirt that had a t-shirt over top. Her beautiful hair was down and partially covered by a toque. She looked like herself - free and eccentric and beautiful.

The sight of her was making me crazy.

_How is it possible that Bella gives me an insta-boner? Even when I am slightly miffed about the fact that she has been avoiding me for a few days. Miffed, but fucking turned on beyond belief.__  
_  
"You ran from me, Bella," I said in a low voice, stalking forward towards her. 

_I have to touch her. I have to feel her._

She moved away from the developing trays and started backing up against the wall.

"Everyone was peepin'... I mean, your rep..." Her voice faltered and faded.

I continued moving closer to her and she continued walking backwards. It wasn't long before I had her pinned against the wall, looking down into her eyes. _Now she really isn't going anywhere, is she?__  
_  
I smiled at how the situation had unfolded better than I ever could have asked for it to. I reached a hand up and ran my fingers down the side of Bella's cheek. "Never again, Bella...never again will you run from me like that."

**Bella POV**  
**  
**Giant. Bags. Of. Fucksticks. He was all liony and I was the tasty lamb ribs all wrapped in mint waitin' on a silver platter. I licked my suddenly dry lips as my body vibrated under his touch. Did I want him to eat me? Do fat kids like happy meals?

"I, uh ... Shags." Fuckity, fuck, fuck. BRAIN. BRAIN. "What are you doin' here?"

"Developing an art project." He shook his head and squeezed his peepers shut. "What the hell do you think I am doing here? Jesus, Bella, you had to have seen the million missed calls from me this weekend. You had to know I would be looking for you."

"I just... I..." I opened my eyes to stare right into his Jolly Rancher Greens. "I'm sorry I messed up the dance for you."

Kissing in front of all those peeps. Seriously bad move. Now they would all rag on Shags.

"What?" He frowned. "You didn't ruin anything, Bella. Why would you think that?"

"I made it hard for you, you know, with your peeps around n' stuff."

"Don't you understand? They don't matter. I could give a fuck less about what anyone in this school thinks about me. Well, I mean, almost anyone. I care about what _you_think."

There were moments of delicious silence while I processed his words.

"Sorry for not answerin' your calls. I needed to brain."

His brow wrinkled up. "About what?"

"About what happened, about the kiss... about how universes collided."

I brought my hands to his waist - really just couldn't help myself. His body so warm near mine, I needed to touch.

"What was the result of your brainin', B?" He pulled me back from the wall a little bit and wrapped his arms around my waist while my hands slipped up his chest on a walkin' tour.

"I can't hide, Shags. I can't be worried. I can't be a half-way girl."

"Who is asking you to hide? Why the fuck would you be worried? And what in the hell is a half-way girl?"

"At the dance, I mean, even before... why is this so hard? I mean, I pimped myself, wore that fancy dress that really wasn't me. I hid parts away, and I can't do that again. I gotta be able to express myself and be who I am and I can't be worried that you won't like that or your friends will harsh on your parade. I can't be worried that you'll be fightin' everyone because of me. And I can't be worried that one fuck hot kiss will stop the show. And I can't do anything half-way. All or nuthin', Shags."

I stopped to take a breath and feel the hard lines of his muscles beneath my fingers.

"No...no one asked you to change, B. I like you just the way you are, can't you see that? Fuck, Bella, the things you fucking do to me." He ground himself into me, rubbing his erection on my leg. "And haven't I told you enough that the other people don't matter? _You_ are what matters, and I wouldn't ask you to do anything half-way. I learned my fucking lesson, remember?"

"But they do matter, Shags. The insults, the taunts. I'm the new bird here. I expect a certain amount of shit dumping, but you are old school. These are your peeps, however douche bag they may be. I heard the whispers and jabs in the halls today."

Dude huggin' certainly did make a body fine. Ohhhhh, so very fine. My fingers found a nice line of abs, working their way along, lower and lower.

Shags sucked in a quick breath. I was getting close, very close. He moved his hands from my sides up to my face and he cupped my cheeks. "How many times do I have to say this to you, Bella? I. Don't. Care. They can whisper and they can jab as much as they fucking want, and it won't make a difference. I want you, you fucking beautiful girl. You, and no one else."

My peepers went from his to those very snog-able lips.

"Wanting is one thing, Shags, but what 'bout after? When the want has been satisfied?"

"How could the want be satisfied? I can't imagine a day when I wouldn't want you, Bella."

"Think about it, Shags. After we've banged each other's stuffin' out, what then? You take me to your digs for the Sunday night buffet with your 'rents? Hold hands and meander through the halls here at Sporks? Droppin' everything to go on a random trip to the Yukon but end up in Manitoba instead? Can you imagine any of that?"

I wanted him to imagine that, more than anything. I wanted. There, said... I wanted. I never really set myself up to want, just let the universe provide what it would, but here and now I wanted the other half of my soul. However, with that sort of wanting came the itsy bitsy spider of doubt and worry. Shags was from a different world. His Egg momma and Sperm papa would expect big and wonderful things from him. They wouldn't expect me; no one ever did really.

"I can't imagine anything without you. So if that is where things take me, then yeah. I can imagine it."

"You say that now, Shags," I whispered. My hands roamed his chest, gentle touches and caresses.

"I say that always." His hands joined mine in roamin', cept his hands were roamin' on my bod.

"Shags, good gourds," I whimpered, "I want you."

"Feeling's mutual, Bella." He leaned in and licked my ear. My head nearly fell off as it rolled back, granting him more access to my neck.

"You make my skins tingle ... mmmm ... kitty wet."

"Want me to help you out with that, Bella?" he murmured before his lips met my neck once again.

"Need to touch you, Shags. Please." My hands fought to get under his shirt, to touch his skins, to feel his warmth.

"Fuck, Bella. I need to touch you too." He tried to take off my t-shirt leaving my tunic in place.

"No, Shags!" With the element of 'what-the-fuck!' I turned him around and pushed him against the wall, unbuttoning his shirt as quick as possible. My palms flattened on his chest, lips pressing against the salty skin. Gods, he smelled so good... and tasted even better. I licked my way up his neck and across his jaw.

"Kiss me, Shags."

He brought his melon down to mine and brushed my lips with his twice before devouring them. Tongues duelled as my fingers tangled themselves in his hair, pulling him closer to me. One of his hands held the back of my head while the other snaked down to press my pelvis against his. Even the weight of his hand on my ass drove me crazy.

"Why can't I touch you?" he asked between kisses. "You're killing me, Bella," he whispered as he re-pinned me to the wall.

The hand squeezing my ass snaked upward, under the tunic, caressing my back and sides; soon his other hand joined, making a play across the ladies. His fingers found my nipples and his touch hardened their peaks and shot tinglies straight down to where tinglies end up. Whimpers in his mouth, my pelvis grinding against his. I slipped my hand between our bodies, cupping his hard cock, feeling the rush of his desire ... hearing him growl deep in his chest.

I needed him.

To touch, to feel, to taste.

I parted our lips, and started to kiss and lick my way down his jaw... his neck... biting gently... nibbling... all the while rocking my kitty against him. My fingertips traveled down his chest, memorizing every line, every texture and then my lips and tongue followed along. I closed my peepers and just immersed myself in the essence of Shags - his strength, his vulnerability, his soul.

I slid in the space between Shags and the wall, fingers trailing down his abdomen until I rested on my knees before him. I looked up into his Jolly Rancher Greens.

"Bella, oh fuck...what...Bella?"

My fingers rested on the button of his jeans, my peepers asking even if I couldn't vocalize my request.

"I, just...Bella, what? What are you doing?" he questioned with a husky voice.

I popped the first button... and then the second... and the third. The sound of bullets being fired mixed with our soft panting.

The fourth button hardly needed any encouragement at all.

I traced along the edge of his boxer briefs, traced the hard line of his cock ... being oppressed and restrained. And then ever so gently and achingly slow, I hooked my fingers into the waist of his jeans and boxer briefs and pulled them down.

I licked my lips as I stared up; I could barely breathe.

"Fuck, Bella."

I dragged my fingers up the back of his legs, my hands gently massaging his ass before moving closer to lick him from base to head.

I closed my peepers, taking in the smooth skin over hard muscle beneath my hands, the musky scent that was my Shags, the salty warmth of his frank and beans. My tongue swept across his head twice before I devoured him, holding him firmly between my lips in my hot little mouth.

"Fuck, Bella, oh fuck," Shags moaned.

I pulled back, swirling and sucking as I moved. First munchin's were always a bit difficult 'cause you didn't know what the other person liked; usually it took time to figure it out. This time it was about what I wanted, how I wanted Shags to feel. I tongued the underside of his head and then descended again, finding a rhythm and pattern that made him tense and growl.

I needed him to feel how I felt when he was near, when he was touchin' me, that time he played with my kitty. I dug my nails into his ass, eliciting another moan and growl from him.

I encircled one hand around his shaft and pumped while I continued to work him with my mouth. It was making me hotter than hell and my kitty was drippin' down my legs. Always a way to work with that ... I slid my other hand down the front of my skirt and started to flick in purposeful circles 'round my clit. I moaned round Shags which made his body tremble.

"Bella...shit, I'm gonna...Bella, I'm gonna..."

I whimpered and felt his fingers tangle and pull my hair. My kitty work stopped as I focused entirely on him, taking him deeper and deeper, tongue swirling and sucking. I felt his cock throb and twitch in my mouth and then moments later he groaned loudly as hot streams of cum hit the back of my throat. I swallowed as fast as I could, greedy for him.

I didn't stop as he started to soften, licking and sucking gently. My own fingers resumed their kitty play and I was rewarded with a slow, but intense nut bustin'.

I turned my head and rested my cheek against his lower abdomen.

**Edward POV**  
**  
**_...What the fuck?_

_Have I seriously just died and gone to heaven? Because I think that I have._

_This unbelievably sexy creature, who is still on her knees, playing with herself, just gave me the best release that I have ever gotten in my entire life. No way is this my life right now._

I reached down and gently pulled Bella up from her knees. "Did...did you want me to help you with that?"

_Did that come out of my mouth right? You are so very eloquent right now, aren't you? You dumb fuck._

I mean, I wanted to kiss her; I wanted to maul her...but I didn't want to cross any boundaries that she didn't want to cross with me.

_Because she didn't just give you a blow job or anything. What the fuck, Cullen? You are such an idiot._

She slipped her hand from beneath her skirt and pressed two wet fingers to my lips.

"I think I took care of it okay," she said, giving me a lazy smile.

_Oh my fuck. I think I just came. Again. _

I stared at Bella with a dumbstruck look on my face. I don't think I would have been able to formulate an actual sentence even if I tried.

"I've wanted to do that for a while," she whispered, licking her lips.

_Wait...what? I am seriously dreaming._

"Can...can you repeat that?" I asked, unbelieving this dream. _'Cause this has to be a dream._

"You heard me, Shags. Since that stupid party, well, before the Jazz stuff. I thought about it then anyway."

I shook my head disbelievingly. "Since...since the party? You have thought about that since the party?"

_Damn, this dream is good! Although, for the life of me, I can't figure out when it was that I fell asleep._

"Wondered what it would be like." She paused a moment. "Might want to pull your stuff up, Shags... in case someone comes in."

It took me a moment before I realized that my pants were still down at my ankles. I reached down, pulled them up, and buttoned them back up. "Yeah, no one is coming in here. I locked the door as soon as I came in."

"Why?"

I reached a hand over to play with a piece of hair that was peeking out from under her hat. _Dream Bella's hair feels just like real Bella's hair does...hmmm..._

"Because I wasn't going to have you run away from me again, Bella. And if I had to resort to locking you in a room to have you talk to me, then I was gonna do it."

_This...this doesn't seem like a dream. The chemicals in the photo baths sure as hell_smell _real..._

"Guess it worked out well for you then."

"In the respect that I finally got to talk to you, and didn't have to resort to stalking you? Yeah, it did work out for me." I brought my hands over to Bella's face, angling it up so she was looking me in the eyes. "The other part? Quite a surprise. One that I am having a hard time waking up from."

"Well," she smiled, "consider us even. 'Though, I think I got the better deal."

"You? _You_ got the better deal?" _Yeah, now I am definitely dreaming. What's next? Bella's gonna strip down and let me worship her body, while a clone of Bella comes out and performs fellatio on me again? Ha. Ha. Ha._

"I think so. You're beautiful, Shags, and you don't taste half bad either," she grinned.

"Wish I could say that I knew that same about you. Even though I am sure you would be the best fucking thing that I ever would taste. Ever."

"Maybe you'll find out one day."

_Yep, I just came in my pants. Again. Dream Bella has a way with making me come, doesn't she?_

"How about today? Door is locked, and since I am clearly dreaming, time is endless." My hands slid down Bella's sides and I grabbed her waist, rubbing myself against her. "I can make you feel good, Bella. Almost as good as you made me feel."

"I dunno, Shags..."

"Ummhmm," I started sucking on the sweet skin under her ear. "That doesn't sound like a 'no', Bella." I paid careful attention to the soft skin at the base of her neck. "That seems like a yes."

"Someone will need the room, Shags."

"We can fix that." I looked up from Bella's skin. "We can go to my house." I moved my hands to lift Bella's shirt over her head, and as I did so, my elbow bumped the tray of water that was next to the tray of stop. It spilled all over me before the rest of it hit the floor.

"Fuck!"

_My God, that water was cold!_

_And I am not having a dream right now. If I was dreaming, that would have woken me up..._

"Shit! Shags!" she laughed.

_Bella laughed at me. This is not a dream...not at all._

"That was just water, right? But I should probably shower as soon as I get this cleaned up?" I questioned, my eyes scanning the room for something to mop up the mess than i had just made.

"Just water, Shags."

"You sure? Nothing that's gonna, like, eat away at my skin or anything?" I asked, only half kidding. I spotted a mop in the back corner of the darkroom and walked over to it.

"No, Shags. No death by photography today."

"Glad that photography won't kill me. You know, today."

I looked down at the mop in my hands and realized that _holy shit, I am seriously going to mop something up myself? Our housekeeper would be so proud of me!_

I made quick work of the job, thankful that it was just water, as it would not require more cleaning. I picked up the tray that I had tipped and worked to get it filled back up with water before I noticed how wet my clothes really were.

_This is really fucking uncomfortable. Shit._

"I, uh, I gotta go home and change. No way can I walk around like this for the rest of the day."

"Lemme get this stuff cleaned up and then we can go, okay?"

_She is gonna come home with me?_

_Seriously._

_My life is fucking complete. That tray of water that I had spilled over could have been deadly acid, and I would have died a happy man._

"Yeah, uh, sure," I said, scratching my neck. "Is there anything that you want help with?"

"Nope," she said. "I got it, Shags."

I leaned back against the wall, crossing my arms as I watched Bella work to clean up her workspace. "What were you working on in here before I disrupted you?"

"Just some personal stuff. Don't have darkroom space at home."

_Personal stuff? What does that even mean?_

"Anything you wanna share with me? Or are you gonna just call it 'personal stuff'?"

She shrugged. "Go look if you want. The pics are drying over there."

I carefully walked over to where the pictures were hanging and studied the photographs. Bella had developed some pictures of Alice, some pictures of Jasper, some pictures of Alice with Jasper...

..._Fucking Jasper. Always has to be the focus with Bella, doesn't he?..._

_..._And some pictures of me, laying on Bella's bed.

"When?" I pursed my lips, trying to remember. "When did you take these pictures of me?"

"One time when you were over. Does it matter?"

_Fuck yeah, it matters. I don't remember you ever having a camera around me. I do, however, remember trying to get into your pants..._

I shrugged my shoulders. "Nah, I guess it doesn't. Just kind of surreal to see a picture of me as one of your captured moments."

"Why? You're part of my universe, Shags."

"It's kind of surreal to hear that," I replied honestly.

_I mean, shit, think about how different everything is now, compared to before Bella. Not only are you a part of this wonderful creature's universe, but she is part of yours, too. You don't let anyone - your father or your fellow classmates - have any kind of say in your life like before. You hardly smoke anymore, which was your old stand-by before, and you would be completely happy being monogamous with Bella._

_Really? Are you thinking about being monogamous with Bella? You guys aren't even...yeah. You aren't dating or anything._

_True. But I don't want anyone but Bella.  
_  
"I captured you for the student art show. Why is this any different? My universe includes Shags," she said smiling.

"Because the picture at the student art show was not...intimate. This photo here? This...this shows that we have some sort of relationship."

_Dude, did you just use the "r" word? Fuck. You are pussy whipped. Like a little bitch._

"Well, we do... or am I totally space bonkers?"

I frowned. "Space bonkers? Not sure I am following you here."

"I mean, I guess I thought there was somethin' there... 'cause of the tinglies and being the other half, but if you're not..." she watched me carefully, hopefully.

"I came in here looking for you and I locked the door behind me so you wouldn't run away from me. What does that mean to you, Bella? And what should it mean for me, what, with having you avoid me for days, to the point where I had to lock you in a room so you would finally talk to me?"

_Ehhhh, when you put it that way, you sound like a creep._

"I want so desperately for you to be my Pixie," she said quietly.

"And you don't think that I can be," I stated, touching the wet spot in my clothes, wishing that I wasn't wearing something wet.

_Cause maybe this convo was getting a little deep for me...and I wasn't sure how to handle it. So my best bet is to focus my attention on something else, right?_

"I dunno, Shags. Can you?"

_Shit. Shit. Shit._

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck!  
_  
"I'm here, Bella. Doesn't that mean anything? I mean, you avoid me, and...and I am here, regardless."

_Good answer. You know that every word you just said is the truth._

"I want you to say it..."

"You want me to say what?"

"That you can be _my_ Pixie, that you can put us out there like that."

"You are questioning whether or not I will put us out there like that? Bella, I am not the one who ran away after the school caught us kissing."

_Way to avoid the question, Cullen._

"That could have been an oops, a piece of freshly chewed gum under the movie seat. I need to know if you are into this, Shags... my Pixie... boyfriend-girlfriend... whatever you wanna call it."

_Fuck. And there is the million dollar question._

_

* * *

_**E/N: Leave a review and MAYBE this ending won't be such a cliff-hanger. MAYBE the teaser that I will send out will answer some questions for you. (Chuckles evilly while patting pregnant, kicking belly.) .**

**Seriously though…leave a review and I will reward you with a teaser for chapter 16 (which is already over half written because we love you guys so much).**


	16. Casa De Cullen

**A/N: I am pretty sure that you guys all know that this is a joint production between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV) and that neither of them own anything Twilight (but Robert Pattinson owns them…short haircut or not).**

**HUGE props to our Betas, imcarriej and TRDancer. Without them, this would be garbage (this is Michelle speaking for herself…)**

**And one last random side-note…so sorry this is posting after the Twilighted version! I (Michelle) had my baby shower from my BFFS this weekend, so my weekend was filled with balloons, "pin the sperm on the egg game", and mountains of "girl talk". Needless to say, I was away from my computer all weekend!**

**So, without further ado, here is chapter 16!**

**

* * *

****Edward POV**

I scratched the back of my neck. "Uh, can we, uh, talk about this at my house? I am kind of wet right now. And, like, really uncomfortable."

She eyed me cautiously. "Sure, Shags, but no avoiding."

_I think this woman may know me really well. _"No avoiding, Bella." _Even though it would be taking a page from your book, B._

Bella quickly finished packing up the rest of her materials, and I motioned her towards the door.

"OK, well, I'm done. Let's go."

"Did you want to drive separately? Or do you want me to drive us?" I questioned, envisioning Bella driving to my house and then driving away. _I don't want that._ "Wait...I mean, I think that I should drive us. I will get you home whenever you need me to."

"Jazz has the keys to Landau anyway."

_Whew. What a fucking relief. _"You are fine with skipping the rest of the day, right? Esme can always come up with some sort of excuse if you need one."

"I'm good. Not like my attendance record is spotless, ya know. I can handle the school peeps and the Fuzz."

"Just making sure," I said, lazily draping my arm around her shoulder before I realized that I was still wet. I quickly moved away from Bella in hopes of keeping her dry. "Sorry," I muttered, "still wet."

"S'ok, Shags," she said, grinning. "Me too."

_Oh fuck. Oh, mother fuck fuck fuck fuck._

"I can take care of that at my house, too, Bella."

"I'll hold you to that, Shags."

_Oh, fuck me._

XXX

We reached my house in possibly record timing, and I ran around the other side of my car to open Bella's door before she even had a chance to get her seat belt off.

She laughed at me, and I shrugged my shoulders. "Hey, I am in a hurry. To get out of wet clothes, you know?"

"I get it, Shags. You'd think you were made of sugar or sumethin'. Now you lead, Grasshoppah. These be your digs, dawg."

We started walking towards the main entrance to Casa de Cullen. "Did you, uh, want a tour or something? I am not used to bringing people over here that haven't been here a million times before with Emmett."

"Yeah, sure. I only saw your digs at the party, and I wasn't really... uhm... well, in this universe."

I let out a laugh. "Sure, sounds great. Mind if I change real quick, though? I mean, we can start the tour in my bedroom, and end it in my bedroom..."

_And I would like for you to just, you know, stay in my bedroom. Forever. That way I wouldn't have to look at my picture of you, which is now proudly displayed on my wall..._

_...Shit. I have a half-naked picture of Bella hanging up on my bedroom wall. This is going to be embarrassing, isn't it?  
_

"Lead on, Skipper!"

I reached out and grabbed Bella's hand before I lead her up the stairs to my room. When we reached the room, Bella and I walked in, and I closed and locked the door behind us.

Bella made quick work of my bedroom, walking around, touching things. I felt a little embarrassed about my bedroom. I mean, my room was never as personalized as Bella's bedroom...in fact, I would go as far as saying that it is sterile compared to Bella's room.

"So, yeah. Uh, I am gonna quickly change." I pointed to my walk in closet. "I'll be right back."

"Yeah... okay. Your room is massive, Shags. You could have, like, five roomies in here," she said as I entered my closet.

"I wouldn't want five roomies," I called from my closet as I pulled my pants and shirt off. I walked back into the room wearing only my underwear, letting my body air off a little bit before I put new clothes back on. Her back was to me. "I can barely stand living with my parents."

"Your room is... you," she said turning. Her breath hitched, and eyes darkened as she noted my semi-nudity.

"It's me? Cold and sterile? I'm cold and sterile?" I walked up to Bella and grabbed her hand. "That's kind of sad."

"You aren't cold or sterile, Shags. You know what I mean. You keep lots of things hidden on the inside, and your digs here reflects... wait... is that... you bought my pictures?"

_Annnnnddd...there it is. _"Uhm, yeah?" I scratched the back of my neck.

She walked over to where her picture was hanging, bringing me with her. "Why, Shags? And where did you get that kinda dough?"  
_  
_I scoffed at her reaction. "Have you looked around, Bella? You know my mom is Tanya Denali. Money wasn't an issue."

"That was a lot of money, Shags. Why did you buy them?"

"I... my mom bought them, B. Because she saw how I was fascinated by your picture. And, because I am pretty sure that she has a crush on Jasper." I squeezed her hand. "I told you that it was okay that someone bought a piece of your universe."

"But you have me... in your bedroom, Shags."

_Fuck yes, I do. I fucking cherish that picture..._

"And that bothers you?" I ran a hand through my hair. "Bella, what were you gonna do with the pictures of me that you developed today? Store them in your room somewhere, maybe?"

"This is different, Shags. I mean, here I am half buck up on your wall. What if you invite your friends over? I mean, I don't think Jazz will give a donkey's if your pic is up on the moment wall."

"Oh yeah? You should ask him about that." _Jasper fucking hates my guts, man. _"Besides, Bella, your picture is art. And you don't have to worry about anyone seeing it...no one comes in my room anymore. Kind of one of the perks of shutting out people that don't matter."

"So you're tellin' me that I've been the only peep in here since the gallery?"

"You and my maid, and maybe Esme?" I frowned. "What does it matter? You had this displayed in front of an art gallery, Bella. Many people saw it, so why does it bother you that it's in my room?"

"I dunno; it's just different. Have you really not had anyone else in here? Like Lauren or Jess?"

"No, no one. Bella, I haven't been with anyone for quite a while. Not since..."

_How long has it been? Shit, it's been a fucking long time._

"Why?"

I frowned. Again. Like the little emo bastard that I was. "Seriously? You're asking that?"

"I just. You surprise me, Shags."

"Why does that surprise you? I don't want to do stuff just to do it. Not when..."

"Not when what, Shags?"

"Not when there is someone like you out there."

_Oh my fuck, Edward! You get a hummer and suddenly you are like, professing your love to this woman. You don't love her! Seriously, man up and pull your head out of your ass. Yeah, she is amazing, but this isn't... love._

I am pretty sure that I blushed from head to toe when I said that. _Jesus Christ, you even blush like a girl. God help you._

"So, what does that make us, Shags? Can you be my Pixie?"

_Stall. Stall. Stall. _ "Can we talk after I get dressed?"

"Yup, yup. Go put some threads on."

"Great." I ran back to my closet and took my time choosing another outfit. I put it on slowly and exited the closet once again. Bella was laying on my bed, _where she belongs._

"Comfortable, isn't it?" _Nice stall tactic, buddy._

"It's a bed, Shags. They all tend to be comfortable. Your sheets though, everything is too neat."

"Too neat? What the heck does that mean?"

"Guess I'm just used to chaos."

"I don't think neat is a bad thing. For instance, neat sheets feel fucking amazing against bare skin." I paused for a second, looked at Bella, and licked my lips. "Want to see what I am talking about?"

"You haven't answered my question, Shags. I just need to know... 'cause then I know what to expect."

_Shit. This is gonna come back to me, no matter how much I stall, isn't it?_ "I understand that. I want to know what to expect, too, I guess."

"So?"

I raised my eyebrow. "So, what?"

"So, what are we, Shags? Boyfriend/girlfriend? Other halves? Fuck buddies minus the bangin'? I'm not usually stuck so much on labels, but I just need to know. Do I hold your hand in public or no? Do I need to prep myself to see you make out with other birds? What is it?" she asked, worrying on her bottom lip.

"I've never had a label before, Bella. So...this is all..." I took a deep breath. "What do you want, Bella?"

_You are an asstard for not immediately saying that you want Bella to be your girlfriend... But maybe the term "girlfriend" is a little scary? Okay, it's a lot scary.  
_

"I want all of it, Shags. I want to hold your hand walkin' down the street. I want to stand in the middle of Sporks High and lay one on you without you worryin' 'bout the rest of the peeps. I wanna hear you say 'That's my girl.' I want us to be like all meltin' into each other. I can't be half-way 'bout this; all or nuthin', Shags. But I don't wanna push you. If you aren't up to it, we just chill, say Hola in the halls and play out our own gigs. Dig?"

My heart dropped at the mention of us playing out our own gigs. _ No way, no how._ I've worked my ass off getting to where I am now with Bella, and I will not go back to square one.

_Because I don't want to be at square one._

I ran a hand through my messy hair.  
_  
Besides, how hard can it be to do this "boyfriend" shit? You already want to take Bella aside and claim her... this is just a different way of claiming her, man._

"You _are_ my girl," I said, trying to conjure up some conviction. "I want all of it, too, Bella."

_Dude, eighteen and having your first girlfriend. This shit is like, serious. Esme is gonna flip balls._

"So, no flippin' your stack if I walk up to you like this," she asked, slowly rising from my bed and stalking toward me, "and wrap my arms 'round you and do this?" She brought a hand up and pulled my head to hers before kissing me softly. "In the middle of Sporks High?"

"Flippin' my stack? Shit, Bella. I fucking _want _that." I leaned in and gave her another kiss. "How many times do I have to tell you? I don't give a shit about what people in this town say."

"Just makin' sure, Shags."

I heard my phone's text message alert sound from my closet. "Left my phone in my pants, hold on a sec."

I walked back to my closet, picked up my pants, and fished my phone out.

The message was from Emmett.

_**We need to talk. Now. I know you aren't at school.**_

I ignored the text and walked back to Bella, grabbed her, and pulled her body close to mine.

_I am not in the fucking mood to deal with Emmett. I swear to fucking god, I need to focus on just me and Bella._

I plastered on a smile. "I'm sorry, Bella. Where were we?"

"You were just sayin' you want to be my boyfriend," she said grinning, putting emphasis on the _boyfriend _bit.

"Mmmm, yes, that's right." I quickly kissed Bella's lips, savoring her taste. "What does that entail? Other than public displays of affection?"

"Well, Shags, now you'll have to write me poetry and play me pretty songs and tattoo my name on your arm," she said grinning. The grin soon fell and she looked thoughtful.

"Yes. I was thinking getting your full name tatooed in big, gothic letters across both of my arms. What do you think about that?" I questioned, smiling. The thoughtful look on Bella's face had me curious. "Hey, what are you thinking about?"

"I've never had a boyfriend before. I'm not exactly sure what you do."

"Well, this is new territory for me, too. So..."

_Damn straight this is new. You never thought it would happen...and still can't believe that it has happened, to be truthful._

"Never had a boyfriend, Shags?" She smiled.

_Smartass. Way to lighten things up in my head for me, Bella._

"That too. But I was pretty sure that I was talking about you, and since I know that your kitty doesn't have a sausage companion, the term 'boyfriend' doesn't apply right now."

Just the mention of Bella's kitty made me hard. _Who am I fooling? Being around Bella makes me hard no matter what._

"So we take it one day at a time then?"  
_  
_"One day at a time is fine by me." A thought flashed into my mind, and I realized that I couldn't ignore it. "But, I do have one kind of stipulation for this relationship."

I swallowed hard. _What if she doesn't agree to this?_

_It would be a deal breaker.  
_

"What's that?"

_Please agree, Bella. Because we can't do this... relationship thing... if you don't agree to this stipulation._

"You are not allowed to have Jasper help you out with anything. _Anything_. You are mine, Bella, and I am the only one who is allowed to touch you like that." Her brows furrowed as she processed my request.

"Okay, no Jazzgasms. We can still sleep in the same bed right? I mean, it's just sleepin'."

_She wouldn't be okay if I was sharing a bed with another girl... But you don't have a "Jazz". You aren't two peas in a pod with anyone, so sleeping in bed with someone else would mean something different to you._

"You guys don't have another bed, do you? And you have been sharing a bed for a really long time, haven't you?" _I have to make sure._

"There's a cot in the basement, but I just... I need my Jazz there. Some peeps got a teddy bear, or a blankie; I have a Jazz."

I shook my head. "I won't have you sleeping on a cot, and I can't believe you seriously suggested that. Either way, Bella, I don't want to take your security blanket away. When I am not with you, I understand that you share a bed with Jasper. But if I am there..."

"S'ok, I get it. 'Sides, I don't think Jazz would wanna share a bed with you. Or you, him. He snores."

"Bella, there is no way in hell I would ever share a bed with Jasper. I am sorry, but it ain't happening."

_Fucking wrong on so many levels. I am not having a slumber party with Jasper and Alice and Bella. Never._

"I'm just kiddin', Shags. Lighten up."

I smiled a weak smile, but it was all that I could muster up. "I thought you were kidding, but I had to make sure."

"Okay, so no Jazzgasms, but he and I can still sleep in our bed. Anything else?"

"Is there_ supposed_ to be anything else?"

"I dunno, you were the one with the limits placing."

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I just didn't feel right with other people touching you, Bella. I would probably think that you would want limits like that on me, right?"

"I guess I'd be pretty ticked if I waltzed in here and found you playin' two headed dawg with Stanley."

"Stanley would piss you off?" I smirked. "Just Stanley?" She didn't look amused, and I didn't blame her. "Look, I am not trying to tell you what to do and what not to do. But Bella, I can't have a girlfriend who gets her orgasms with someone else other than me. I don't know much about relationships, but that just doesn't seem right. At all."

"Okay. It's a deal. No Jazzgasms for me, and you no anygasms with anyone else but me."

_I really, really like the idea of Bella giving me orgasms, but something about that sentence nagged on my mind. _"You... you won't get anygasms from anyone else but me, right?"

"They are all yours, Shags. Well, unless I'm flicking the bean."

I felt my entire body relax when she said that. "You know, Bella, all of this talk about anygasms and you flicking the bean is really... fuck. It's really hot."

"Guess you should take me on a tour before you combust," she said smiling.

"Are you sure? Because the tour can wait," I replied as I placed another kiss over Bella's mouth.

"Mmmmmmm, you taste good, Shags." She licked my lips. "Tour first."

"You taste better," I licked back. "Tour later."

"I wanna see your shack before my legs won't wanna walk."

_Yeah, once I get you into my bed, I don't want you leaving it. _"That makes sense, I guess." I stood up and grabbed Bella's hand with mine, leading her around my room. "Okay, so this is my room. Obviously."

"Obviously..."

"Are you sure you want to see other parts of the house? Nothing else is really... shit, I feel like I am bragging about my parents stuff when I give a tour. I mean, none of this is mine, it's all Esme and Carlisle's."

"I wanna see it, Shags; I wanna see your environment."

"Are you sure? I mean, there is nothing special about it. It's all superficial, you know?"

"It influences you. Where does Shags eat breakfast? Where does Shags go to kick it with friends? Where did Shags and Captn' T do shit together? I never really had a permanent home; Chez Fuzz is pretty much the longest Jazz and I have stayed in a place. So I wanna see what permanent looks like."

"Permanent homes aren't all what they are cracked up to be."

"Sometimes I thought they might be cool," she said, shrugging. "You gunna show me or not?"

"Of course, Bella."

I lead her around my house, stopping at the kitchen (so she can see where I eat), the pool room (because I think that visit was long overdue), and the downstairs rec room (where Emmett and I would hang out).

We came to a stop outside of Esme's closed office door. From the sounds coming from inside the room, I could tell that she was listening to some music as she was brainstorming. "And this is Esme's office," I said, pointing to the closed door. "Uh, did you want to go inside?"

_Please say no, please say no, please say no..._

"I wouldn't wanna bug your Mom if she's working."

The music inside suddenly stopped, and it didn't take long before Esme was standing in front of Bella and I, holding the door open so we could walk into her office.

_How does she do that? She has freaking mind-reading skills or something. I mean, shit, we didn't announce that we were in front of her office. How does she know things like this?_

"Edward! I take it you are skipping school today?" Esme asked, eying her watch.

I raised my eyebrows and eyed the door. "Well, all knowing Esme, you tell me?"

"Don't be a smart ass in front of your company, young man." Esme reached out and pulled Bella into a hug. "And you must be Bella," she said, letting her go for a moment before pulling her into a hug once again.

"Hey, Momma Shags. What's cookin'? You give a good squeeze there!"

"Oh, Bella. I gotta give a good squeeze to the girl that straightens my mopey son out!" Esme reached over and hugged Bella again.

_I am officially embarrassed._

"Mom, shit. Let the poor girl go, why don't you?" I chided, trying to pull my mother off Bella.

"Shags? Mopey? Well I never..." Bella said grinning, trying to put on her best Southern accent. "I'm a little star-thumped. I mean, _the_ Tanya Denali! Holy Shit! You are wicked famous and a bitchin' author."

It's so weird to hear someone talk about my mom, the woman who birthed me and wiped my ass when I couldn't, like that.

"You are a fan, then?" Esme asked, smoothing out her shirt.

"A fan? Dude! Your last book was fuckin'... I mean... really friggen good. The way you played with social contract theory amongst the vampire clans... and then not to mention that hot scene between Demetri and Siobhan! Enough to make a girl all hot and bothered."

Esme smiled a genuine smile. "I am glad you enjoyed the books. You know, I am quite a fan of yours myself."

"What? Seriously? No. You are the artist, creatin' universes with your words."

"And you are an artist, creating universes with your photographs. You are quite the talented young lady, if I do say so myself."

"The camera does all the work. Uhm, Shags told me you bought my captured moments. You really shouldn't have spent all that money. If you liked 'em I would have given 'em to you for free."

"Nonsense," Esme shook her head. "You deserved every penny that I spent on your work."

"Which one did you like the best?"

"It's like having to pick a favorite child, Bella. I can't pick one." She turned and grinned at me. "But my son, here, he had a clear favorite. And I am sure you know which one that is."

"Yeah... pervy puppy there likes to look at the ladies." She grinned and winked at me.

"Esme! What the fuck!" I yelled, pulling at my hair.

"Have to embarrass you when I can, honey," she smiled and patted me on the back. "I don't have this chance often. Besides, I don't think that it has to do with the fact that there was a lady who had partially bared herself to the camera, but the actual subject herself that got his panties in a bunch."

_Really, Esme? Really? You had to do this to me? I should have never introduced the two of you. Fucking seriously._

"Awww, Shags, no need to worry. I'm pretty sure your mom knows what boys get up to. I mean ... did you read that scene in the book? Your Pops must be one lucky dude. Imagination in action."

"Ew, ew, ew! Seriously, Bella? That is the most fucking disgusting... shit... I can't even... I think I am going to puke."

"What?" She looked at me with wide eyes. "Don't tell me you're under the assumption that your parents don't play hide the pony. Geez, Shags."

_Doesn't she know about the terribly strained relationship that you have with your father? How you despise him with every inch of your being while Esme is your savior? And the thought of the two of them even touching makes you sick to your stomach?_

"He doesn't like to talk about his pops," Esme said, saving me. "It's a touchy subject, I guess you could say."

_Mama's boy much? My God, I want to dig myself into a hole and disappear forever. _

"Sorry, Shags. Don't wanna make you uncomfortable," she said before quickly kissing my cheek.

"Nah, talking about sex with my mom and girlfriend wouldn't be uncomfortable at all."

As soon as I realized my slip-up, I looked over to Esme, who was grinning from ear to ear. I let out a long groan, and covered my face with my hands.

"So, girlfriend, huh?" Esme questioned in a sing-song voice. "I am assuming this is a new development, yes?"

I shrugged my shoulders.

"So I guess you are going to be less emo now, huh?"

"Not funny, Esme," I said through gritted teeth.

"Whatcha been emo 'bout, Shags?"

Esme gave Bella a look. "Really, honey, do you really have to ask that?"

"I mean, there was the whole cuttin' a rug thing, but no reason to be emo 'bout that. 'Specially after we made out in front of the entire school."

My mom let out a full, hearty chuckle. "Made out in front of the school, eh? Maybe that's what had Rosalie's panties in a twist, huh?"

_How does Bella not know that my being "emo" is for more reasons than just the dance? How does it not register with her that I have been moody over not being with her?_

"Yeah, most likely," I replied, staring at Bella. _Good God, she is beautiful._

"Kissin' gets her panties in a twist? Does Captn' T know?"

I let out a laugh. "I think that my mother is talking about something else, Bella."

"Oh?"

"Rosalie isn't a very nice person, Bella. I would assume that Rose wasn't too pleased about Edward not fawning over her best friend and falling all over you instead," Esme said, frowning.

"Guess not. I mean, wasn't very fair to Lauren. I could see why she was all tears, and why Rose was mad. Kinda an ass thing for us to do," she said frowning.

"No, it wasn't," I said quickly. "I tried to get out of it, Bella, I really did..."

Esme cut me off. "Lauren took advantage of the situation, Bella. Don't worry about it," Esme, the overly loving mother, assured Bella and I. But mostly Bella.

"The universe always comes back though. I'll pay her when she settles my debt."

"Settles your debt?" I wondered aloud.

"Dude, you always have to pay off your bad karma."

I shrugged. "I feel like I have been paying off bad karma my entire life."

"Well, you musta done somethin' good, Shags, 'cause now you got me." She smiled.

I smiled back. _She has no idea how fucking lucky I am._

Esme cleared her throat, obviously uncomfortable with the sappy situation in front of her.

_Right. My mom is here. Huh._

"We should get workin' on our project, Shags."

"Project. Yes, the project. Well, uh, I will talk to you later then, Esme."

I grabbed Bella's hand and started leading her out the door as Esme frowned at me. I stopped and let Bella say goodbye to my mother before I whisked her out the door.

"Nice to meet you, Mamma Shags!"

"Nice to meet you too, Bella!" my mother called after us.

I made quick work of getting her back to my room. I rushed us in, closed the door behind me, and threw Bella on the bed.

I attacked her mouth with my own. "You are driving me crazy, Bella." I whispered between kisses. "I don't think I could ever get enough of you."

_All of this, right after you leave your mom's office? You are a sick bastard, Cullen._

"Shags... mmmm..." she moaned, "we do have to work on that... oh Dog!" she whimpered as I gently bit her neck.

"We don't have to work on anything right now." I bit and sucked a little harder.

_Mine. All mine._

"Shags, touch me... please."

"I have wanted to all day, Bella." I pushed off her Uggs and grabbed the bottom of her gypsy skirt, inching it up her calves and caressing the sensitive skin as I went. I slid down the bed, moving between her legs and kissed the inside of her leg from ankle to inner thigh. Goose bumps erupted over her skin and she made a soft whimpering noise. I looked up to see her watching me avidly with lips parted. I smiled and returned to kissing her other leg.

"Shaggy..." she moaned as my lips and tongue came closer to her core.

I pushed her skirt up higher and kissed along the top of her pubic bone. Her fingers found my hair and tangled themselves as she tried to push my head exactly where she wanted it to go. I placed a soft kiss right above her clit before slipping my tongue between her velvety wet folds, licking upwards and circling her clit.

Bella hissed and jackknifed beneath me, writhing. I pinned her hips, and spread her legs further while I licked and sucked at her 'kitty'. She moaned and pulled my hair as her hips pumped under my hold.

I slowly slid a finger and then a second inside of her, curling them and rubbing against the front wall of her vagina while my tongue played with and circled her clit. Bella sobbed beneath me, her hips trying to come up off the bed.

"Please, Shags... please!" she begged as her fingers tightened in my hair.

I growled deep in my chest and increased my pressure and speed. Her legs, vibrating, threatened to strangle me.

And then she shattered; her inner walls gripped at my fingers, milking them. Her body shook as I drew out her climax, softly lapping at her wetness. She tasted like heaven... like Bella. I smiled against her mound and then slid up her body. She attacked my lips, licking herself off of them.

_That is the hottest thing I have ever seen in my entire life._

"Fuck, Bella, I have to have you. More, I need more." I moved Bella so I was positioned right between her legs. I looked down at her, questioning if we could take this further.

Bella responded by desperately yanking at my pants, trying to pull them off.

"Hold on, hold on..." I rolled off her and reached over to my bedside table to grab a condom from the drawer.

_Oh good God, she is so fucking beautiful._

"You are so perfect, Bella. This is just... so fucking hot." I leaned forward and kissed her hard, as she took the condom away from me.

_Okay, I know that I got the most fucking wonderful blow job in the entire universe earlier today, but I swear to God I am going to come all over myself just by looking at Bella right now, holding a condom in her hand, getting ready to roll it on my mini me._

Bella successfully pulled my pants off. Getting a devilish look in her eyes (_holy fuck, this woman is going to kill me_) she flipped me over so she straddled me.

She was rubbing her soaking wet pussy all over my now naked skin, preparing to bury me inside of her, when I heard a gentle knock on the door.

_Mother fucker! Are you fucking serious?_

The gentle knocking turned into some not so gentle knocking, and I growled as Bella rolled off me and start to straighten herself up.

_No! No! No! Come back! _

"You'd better answer that, Shags," she said with a shaky voice.

I scrubbed a hand roughly over my face and let out a frustrated groan. _Because Bella is right, and we can't ignore the knocking. _I sat up off the bed, took the _perfectly fine _condom off my cock, pulled my pants up, and opened the door to my cock-blocker of a mother.

"What?" I snapped, squinting my eyes shut and pinching the bridge of my nose. _Anything to keep the boner at bay, man._ "What did you need, Esme?"

"Well, first off, I would appreciate if you didn't take that kind of tone with me, Edward." She eyed me carefully. "I don't ask for much, except your respect, and I do expect that."

"Right. Okay. Fine."

Esme looked at me warily before taking a step back from me.

_Oh my God. Did I zip my pants up? Throw the unused condom away? Wipe my face off after devouring Bella? I bet that I am standing in front of my mother with the condom still on, pants unzipped, sex hair, and a face that smells of Bella's pussy._

I quickly looked down and took note that my pants were zipped, and there was no condom in plain sight.

_But the sex hair and over-all "I was just tongue fucking my girlfriend" look is still there. Hey, at least she isn't going to question whether or not I am gay again, right?_

My mother shifted uncomfortably from one foot to the next before she spoke up again.

_My mom is a smart cookie. She knows that she interrupted something, that's for sure._

"I was just checking to see if Bella wanted to stay for dinner?" my mom asked, looking into my bedroom but averting her eyes from where Bella was sitting on my bed, assuring that she didn't see anything that she didn't want to.

"I'd love to, Mamma Shags. Although, I have some... well, I guess dietary restrictions. I don't wanna put you out or anythin'"

"That's fine, dear. We can work around your restrictions, it's not a problem! I am not cooking tonight anyways."

_Great. Carlisle will probably be there. Maybe I can convince my mom to let us eat in my room? That way when we are done with dinner, I can have Bella for desert. _

"Sounds good to me then!"

"Okay! See you guys in a few minutes?" Esme lowered her voice. "So you can make yourself presentable, Edward?"

I shot my mother an evil look but nodded anyways.

"And you will be responsible for what Bella wants to eat, yes? I assume, being that you are her _boyfriend, _you know what her dietary restrictions are, am I correct?"

I nodded again, giving her another evil look. She simply smirked at me and turned away. I watched my mother walk down the hallway and then down the stairs before I turned and went back into my bedroom. Shutting the door behind me, I walked over to where Bella was sitting on the bed and sat down next to her.

"Listen, Bella, I am sorry about that."

_Yeah, I am sorry that we got interrupted. _

"No sorries, Shags. It's probably good that your Momma Egg came up for the save... 'fore I took advantage of you. I get carried away sometimes."

"I still don't understand why it's a good thing that we were interrupted, Bella."

"'Cause it's like fire. It's hotter than hell and burns hard and fast, but then consumes itself. I want it to last, to burn slow. Dig?"

"Burn slow? I don't think that I am following you, Bella."

_You are talking about matters of my penis, and I don't think that I like where you are headed with this._

"I don't want to set on fire all at once, Shags."

"What would set on fire, Bella?"

"Us, Shags. I don't want us to set on fire."

I frowned, still trying to decipher what Bella was saying to me. "So, let me get this straight. You think that our relationship would be over if we had sex?"

"Well, no. I just don't want it to consume us."

"So you don't want us to become just about sex?" I smirked, grabbing her hand.

"I don't want it to be just about sex."

I squeezed her hand before I lifted it up to my mouth and placed a kiss on it. "When has this ever been about sex?"

_Man oh man, I wish that there was some sex involved. But I can't ignore that, due to the lack of sex, this isn't about sex._

_...But what is it about?_

_I have no fucking idea. All I know is the thought of being away from Bella makes me physically ill._

"Just need to make sure, Shags. I don't wanna fuck this shit up."

"And you think I do?" I let out a deep breath. "Shit, Bella, we haven't even been anything official for a little more than a couple of hours, and you're already thinking about our demise?"

"No, no, no. I want this so bad, Shags, that I am scared that I'll do something to mess it all up. I don't want my chaos to pop this out the pooper."

"I want this so bad, too," _I want you so bad, _"and I think that your chaos makes this perfect."

Bella simply smiled, and I took that as my cue to get up off the bed. "I gotta make sure that I am presentable for dinner. I'll be right back, okay?" Bella nodded as I let go of her hand.

I walked over to my en suite bathroom and checked out my reflection. _Damn, Cullen, you are lucky you didn't give your mother a heart attack. _I quickly fixed my hair and made sure that the rest of my appearance wasn't very...wrinkled.

"Are you ready, Bella?" I walked back over to the bed and drew her to her feet.

"I'm good to go, Shags."

XXX

"So _who is this_?" Carlisle rudely asked as he swirled his brandy in his brandy glass, motioning with his eyes towards Bella.

_Oh my God. I seriously fucking hate you more than words can even explain._

"Carlisle, dear, were you not listening? This is Bella, Edward's wonderful girlfriend."

Bella and I were awkwardly seated at the dinner table with my parents, and I felt beyond sorry for her. The meal was tense, to say the least.

Carlisle was eating a slab of prime rib (because he was a fucking snob like that and made our cook work her ass off) while Esme, Bella and I were enjoying our "Bella cuisine": Spinach pasta served with cheddar cheese sauce and a side of Sour Patch Kids.

_Yep, we hit three food groups there. I am pretty proud of myself._

"Isn't she lovely, Carlisle? I wasn't sure if I would ever see the day that Edward had a girlfriend."

I tensed up, realizing that Esme was right. _I didn't think that I would see a day like this one, either._

I looked over at my beautiful girlfriend (_I still had a hard time with that word) _and frowned. She was eating her pasta, one piece at a time, and she looked like she would rather be somewhere else. _Anywhere else. _I reached over and squeezed her knee before I picked up my own fork and continued eating.

"Nice to meet you, Dr. Pops. You and Momma Shags have a wicked awesome home." Bella turned to my mother. "Why didn't you think Shags would have a girlfriend?"

"Momma Shags? Dr. Pops? Are you on drugs, child?" Carlisle asked snidely.

"Shut the fuck up, _Dad_," I said before I shoveled some more food in my mouth. _Must...get...out...of...here...before...I...kill...parents..._

"Hey, Shags. It's okay. No, Dr. Pops, not on any right now. I always feel dinner should be as drug free as possible. I mean, you wouldn't wanna be all out of it and choke on a pea or somethin'."

Carlisle sneered, and Esme giggled at Bella's response before she tried to change the subject. "I never pictured him with a girlfriend because, dear, Edward is... he is my Edward. I don't know if I can explain it."

"I'm sure Mommas picture all sorts of stuff. Hopefully I'm okay in the girlfriend department."

"Yeah, mommas picture girls who aren't on drugs." Carlisle sipped his drink before putting it back on the table.

"And boys picture dads that aren't alcoholics," I finished, glaring at my father. _I am going to punch him, so help me God._  
_  
_"So, yeah. This grub is good, Shags. Thank you."  
_  
_"No problem, Bella. I thought we should be able to work within your restrictions."

"Mmmm, and it is delicious, Bella. Such a wonderful idea," Esme added.

"Green and orange are a good combination."

Carlisle let out a bitter laugh. "If you like that sort of thing." Carlisle took a bite of his food and leaned back in his chair.

"Okay," I said, standing up from my chair. "You really gotta shut the fuck up."

"Shags! Sit! S'okay, really." Bella looked at Carlisle. "I quite like spinach pasta and cheese sauce. You know, spinach is very high in antioxidants and lots of vitamins and minerals."

"Really? You don't say? I am so glad that you assume that I, being a doctor, am a dumbass and don't know anything about vitamins or minerals."

"I imagine it's been a while since you were in doc school. Just givin' you a refresher, Dr. Pops. No harm done."

I inwardly growled. _Yeah, no harm done right now. But soon? Soon I am going to kick your ass, you stupid ass fuck jerkoff._

"It has been quite a while, Carlisle. Don't deny it. Bella made a really good point."

Carlisle just huffed and stared at the plate in front of him. "Regardless, I don't appreciate being talked down to."

"Dude, no offense intended. I admire Docs. You do a lot of good most of the time."

"He does! He is a wonderful doctor. Esme snickered into her wine glass.

Carlisle glared at Bella, causing the vein in my forehead to stick out at an alarming rate. _I think it may pop and start spewing blood unless I punch this man right now._

"When you aren't insulting your elders, what do you do in your free time? Other than experiment with drugs?"

"Oh, I don't experiment with drugs anymore. I'm good at them now. But when I'm not expanding my consciousness I take pictures, an amateur photographer I guess you would say."

"Photographer?" Carlisle paused and took a drink from his glass. "Thought I recognized you."

_Motherfucker saw the portrait in my room? Are you serious? _I stood up from my chair, and Esme cast a glance in my direction before mouthing the words "sit down."

So I sat down. But felt the vein in my forehead throb more and more as each second ticked by.

"Yeah, Shags told me that Momma C bought some of my work from the gallery gig in Seattle." She looked at Esme. "You really shouldn't have done that! Seriously!"

"Yes. And I found it quite bizarre that my son was so attached to that series of photographs. But now," he said, looking Bella up and down, "it makes sense."

"I doubt he liked the Jazz one. Did you get to see 'em, Dr. Pops?"

"I saw the one that was inappropriately hanging in my son's room."

I gritted my teeth. "When the FUCK were you in my room?"

"Doesn't matter, it's my house."

"Inappropriately hangin'?" Bella shrugged. "Why was it inappropriate?"

"I do not feel that nudity is something that should be displayed in my son's bedroom."

"Right," I seethed. "You don't seem to have a problem with nudity in Emmett's room. What with the Playboy posters that he hung up before he started dating Rosalie."

Esme tisked my father. "Edward's got a point, dear. And I would hardly call Bella's work pornographic."

Carlisle lazily smirked. "I guess it's different with Edward because I always thought he was gay."

"Trust me, Dr. Pops, Shags ain't gay."

Carlisle choked on air while my mother let out a keening laugh. I simply sat in my seat and turned red in the face, avoiding eye contact with either of my family members.

_Blushing like a little girl again, Edward?_

"Just sayin'. Not that bein' gay is bad, but your Shags is all hetero." Bella popped some pasta into her mouth and began to chew thoughtfully.

"Glad that's cleared up. Thanks, Bella, for reaffirming what I have been telling my parents _all along_," I snapped, still avoiding eye contact with my parents.

"Well, I mean, you were moody. All the time, Edward. Thought it was something along those lines, you know? But here it turns out that you were moody over Ms. Swan, here," my mother stated, clearing her throat.

_Someone, please kill me now. Between the embarrassing things that my mother says and the fucking shitty things my father says, this dinner couldn't get any more awkward._

"Moody over me? That's just silly. There are better things to be moody over."

"Not for this boy," my mom said, pointing at me with her fork. "Besides, dear, what would my sweet Edward be moody over other than you? Have you been around town? This place is a dump. Nothing much more to care about enough to get moody."

"Sporks ain't that bad. There are worse places." Bella smiled, clearly trying to comfort me. _It's not helping. Take away the last fifteen minutes from my life and make it so my mom had never interrupted Bella and I, and then I will be in a happy place._

"Worse places? Like where, dear?" Esme questioned, taking a drink from her glass.

"There are some pretty shithole... uhm... I mean, terrible places in New Mexico."

My father raised his eyebrow at Bella's cuss, and I threw an "I fucking hate you" glare in his direction before I took a drink of water. He then coughed and cleared his throat before glaring at me and turning his attention back to Bella.

"So, young lady, are you on the pill?"

I spit the water that I had just taken a large gulp of all over the table.

"Sure as hell am, Dr. Pops. This baby makin' factory is on a chemical hiatus."

_Thanks, Dad. At least I know that as soon as Bella and I get checked out, we can have non-condom sex. _I tried my hardest to smirk at my father, but I failed miserably.

_I just can't even pretend to brush off how fucking embarrassing this all is._

"That's nice, dear. Good to be proactive about your future."

"A girl hasta take control of her own reproductive future. Can't have sperm and eggs meetin' willy nilly all over the place. 'Sides, you look too young to be a Gramps, and the Fuzz would shit bricks. Bad enough he thinks Jazz is gunna whip up some of the baby batter for me. "

I shook my head, finally able to conjure up a smile. _Such a very Bella response, isn't it?_

"I didn't understand a word you just said, young lady." Carlisle looked at Bella with both of his eyebrows raised, trying to make heads or tails of her.

_At least he isn't looking at her like she is something to eat. She is MINE._

"Just sayin' that a girl has to be responsible for her eggs and all that."

"Responsible, huh? That's a word that my son here doesn't know. I would ask you to teach it to him, but I'm not quite sure that you would be the person that I would want teaching my son anything..."

_Red. I only see red._

I cut in before my father could insult my girlfriend any more. "Okay, thanks for that, Carlisle." I looked at Bella and grabbed her hand, absolutely done with being around my disrespectful father. "Are you done with dinner? I am, and I am ready to be excused from the table."

"I'm good. Uhm, can I take the Sour Patch Kids with me?"

"Of course, dear." Esme looked up from the table with sad eyes. "Make sure to say goodbye before you leave?"

"Sure thing, Mamma Shags," Bella said, smiling.

I didn't look at either of my parents as I dragged Bella out of the dining room, up the stairs, and into my bedroom. Walking us over to my bed and practically throwing Bella down onto the bed, I ran my hands through my hair before clenching them into fists and gritting my teeth.

"Shags... what's wrong?"

"For real, Bella? Were you just at the same dinner that I was at?"

"Yeah. So your Pop's a bit of a douche. No biggie."

"No biggie? The way he talked to you, I... he... fuck!" I pulled at my hair. "He shouldn't get away with it. He _can't _get away with it."

Bella laughed. "Shags, don't stress! It was nothin', really. Peeps have talked like that to me before. I don't know if you have noticed, but I don't always fit into the mainstream river of the universe. Mainstream fish always got somethin' to flap their gums about when they meet up with fish of a different color. Dig?"

"I don't want people talking to you like that; not when I am around. And especially not people who are fucking_ related _to me, Bella."

Bella crawled into my lap and placed her palms on either side of my face. "Shags, don't worry 'bout it. It's not like I'm datin' your Pops or anythin'. He doesn't have to be cool with me. All that matters is you and me."

"So you would be 100% okay with your dad talking to me the way my father just talked to you?"

"I don't think the Fuzz could say the words 'the pill'; any mention of girl junk has him runnin'. The Fuzz is different though. He wouldn't chitter chat like that to begin with."

"What would you do if he openly insulted me?"

"I'd give him the what's what, but ultimately, it wouldn't matter much 'cause you are all that matters."

_Did my heart just melt at her words? I think that it did. _"Regardless," I moved my head to kiss Bella's hands. "You mean..." _a lot to me... _"I mean, I don't want... I don't want someone disrespecting you like that."

"Shags, I'm a big girl. I can handle my own shit. I thought I did pretty well with your Pops."

"You did." I kissed Bella again, this time on the lips. "But still..."

"Doesn't matter..." she kissed me, "Shags. Already..." another kiss, "forgotten."

My phone buzzed in my pocket, I ignored it and kissed Bella back. It wasn't until Bella's phone started ringing that we broke apart again.

I raised my eyebrow. "'Baby Got Back'? That's your ringtone? Seriously?"

"Jazz and I .. nevermind." She scrambled to open the phone. "What's up, pumpkin?... Yeah... Sorry... At Shag's shack...UHmm... hold on." Bella looked at me. "Jazz and Pixie aren't too far away. Did you want Jazz to come pick me up or did you wanna drop me off at Chez Fuzz?"

_What? She has to leave? Already? _"I'll take you home." _Because I want to spend as much time with her as possible._

Bella smiled. "S'ok Jazz, Shags will bring me home when we are ready... Yup... S'all coooool cucumber... Yeah squidgy... Love ya too. Later." Bella hung up.

"Squidgy?"

"Just a Jazz and me thing," she said grinning and shaking her head.

"A Jazz and you thing that you don't want to share with me?"

"Just silly shit, Shags."

"But I like silly shit, Bella." I raised my hands to tickle her sides. "I love that I can't predict anything about you."

"No tickles, Shags!" She moved back on the bed, trying to get away from me.

"You realize that you can't get away from me, right?"

"Shags! Don't!"

I smiled and shook my head. "Uh uh. No can do." I lunged forward and grabbed Bella, tickling her sides.

Bella squealed with giggles, and I couldn't help but smile the biggest smile I think I have ever had in my life.

_I am so utterly happy right now._

Bella leaned forward and tried to kiss me.

_Little punk is trying a new tactic to get me to stop tickling her._

_...And it's working._

Our lips met, and the kiss was long, sensual and sweet.

_Sweet? Is that seriously a word in your vocabulary? I don't even know who you are anymore._

"Mmmmmm, Shags. You taste like happy."

_It's because I am happy. _"I do? What do I normally taste like?"

"It depends on the day, Shags. Today you taste like happy."

I stroked her cheek. "I am happy, Bella. So fucking happy."

* * *

**E/N: Awww, Edward! That was so sweet it made my teeth hurt. LOL. **

**Before I forget again, a HUGE thank you to kitkat681 for rec'cing our story. You are amazing honey, thank you so very much for the shout-out!  
**

**Leave us some love, please? Each and every reviewer will get a teaser for chapter 17 sent back to them (as long as you have a valid fanfiction account or send me your email address so I have somewhere I can send the teaser to!). We got like, 25 reviews last chapter. Think that we can get that number again? BECAUSE THAT WOULD BE AMAZINGGGGGGGG**


	17. Early Reflections on High

**A/N: Ya'll know that this is a collab project between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Miche****lle M Marie (EPOV) and that neither of them own what SM owns, right?**

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**Bella POV**

I rested my head in Jazz's lap, letting the woodsy smoke curl outta my lungs. He played with my hair while we smoked Filomena under the stars in the forest by Chez Fuzz. A good joint always needed a name and this one... this one deserved the finest of names; it took Jazz half a day to craft and roll it. Filomena meant beloved or somethin' like that, and our Mary Jane was certainly beloved. I could feel myself sinking deep, watchin' the tree tops dance above and the stars swell and shimmer. Made me smile. Sporks had good tree, and sky, and Jazz.

"Whatcha brainin' 'bout, Jazz?"

"Was just thinking about how I miss this, the simple stuff, you and I together. We don't do this enough anymore, Bells-a-bub. I feel like we've been apart for a long time."

"You got your Pixie now. I get that you wanna chill with her, hide the pony, play checkers."

"I love Alice, don't get me wrong, but you're my girl, Bells-a-bub. You've always been my girl. I still need to spend alone time with you."

I smiled up at my Jazz. He looked like a lion with his dreads falling around his face. I reached up and fingered the dreads that reflected us - part his hair and part mine. Would it always be like this? No matter what happened? Would Jazz and I have these moments? When he got all up and serious with some girl and had mini humans, would he still be there... like this? The thought made me sad. Graduation would be comin'. Would we stick together? Could same souls live apart happily or would they wither and fade away? Were these the last happy years we would have left?

"You wanna finish Filomena?"

"Nah, Bells-a-bub, you finish her."

I drew the smoke deep into my lungs, letting Filomena fill my body. And soon Filomena was no more.

"Jazz, what's gunna happen when McEducation finishes?"

"Why are you thinking 'bout that, baby girl?"

"Things are gunna change, Jazz. I wanted to capture a glimpse of the universe unfoldin'."

"It doesn't matter what happens, Bells-a-bub, as long as you, me, and Alice are together."

"Is Pixie cool with that? I mean, one day she will want you to herself without your sidekick."

"What makes you say that?"

"Just a feelin' I get. One day you'll get hitched and have little Jazzabies. You won't need me the same."

"I'll always need you, Bells-a-bub. Jazzabies will need a fantastic aunt to help guide them through the universe."

There was silence. Jazz readjusted us so that my back was snuggled against his chest. He wrapped the sleeping bag around our bodies and kissed the top of my head. Our breathin' started to match up as we came into sync: peas in a pod.

"Shags and I are officially datin': boyfriend and girlfriend."

I felt him stiffen slightly behind me.

"Bells-a-bub, is that such a good idea? The guy is a bit of a douche bag, and his friends are idiots."

"He's not a douche. He's just... mmm... spiritually constipated. No one let him open his wings, but he's tryin' now. You don't see him like I do, Jazz. There's more to him than peeps see."

"I see a guy that just wants down your pants."

"'S'not like that, not at all. I mean, I like gettin' all wet and squidgy, but there is so much more."

"Like what? Do you even know much about him?"

"Sure, I know junk. But none of that hardly matters."

"Oh?"

"He's the other half, Jazz."

Silence.

"When he looks at me my blood squisher drops its drummer, and I want nothing more than to stay locked in his Jolly Rancher greens. If he looked away I might poof-be-gone. And then when he comes close he is the sun drawin' me in; I can feel the heat and everything, but I don't wanna move away. I just wanna bask in his universe."

"Probably just hormones, Bells-a-bub. It's lust."

"No, Jazz, he touches me... a brush of his fingers across my skins... and tinglies race like webs throughout my body and my moments become still. The universe doses happy. I've never felt like that before. Ever. It is like he sees my soul, knows where he fits and stitched himself in; our jaggedy edges fittin' together perfect."

Jazz wrapped his arms tighter around me.

"He's my other half, Jazz. He is my Pixie."

"He's only going to hurt you, Bells-a-bub."

"Your other half can't hurt you. That would be like hurtin' yourself."

"He's an asshole, Bella."

"Why do you have a hate on for him, Jazz?"

"I don't like the guy. He's not genuine, he's suspect. I don't think he has your best interests at heart and I don't think he really gets you." He paused. "He doesn't get you like I do."

"That's not really fair, Jazz. We are the same soul, so of course you are gunna get me."

"He doesn't try, Bells-a-bub. I wish you'd just ditch him."

"That's not gunna happen, Jazz. I'd really like if the two of you could get along."

His hands slid under my hoodie and rubbed small, comforting circles on my abdomen.

"I mean, you don't have to be best buds or anything, but just accept that he is my Pixie. I'm going to invite him to Gothy Gert's party next weekend, so maybe you could try then. Just a "Hey, yo" or somethin'. Just be nice 'n stuff."

"Have you asked Leah?"

"Well, I sorta brought it up, and she didn't say no, exactly. It will be cool. They just don't know Shags like I do. You'll see his inner bits and they are wicked good and cool. Cross my blood squisher and hope to fly."

Jazz's hands drifted up to my breasts, his fingers expertly caressing my nipples like he had done hundreds of times before. Was this what Shags was talkin' about? Was this one of those things that were out? Oh, poop sticks! I really should have figured out all the sticky little details before he dropped me off. Bed sleepin' was ok ... Jazzgasms were out, but boobie massages? Surely they were okay? This girlfriend business was confusin'. It didn't make my kitty wet or squidgy so it must be okay.

"I'll have to trust you, Bells-a-bub. It will just rip my heart out if you get hurt."

"I know, Jazz."

We sat in silence, communin' with nature and with each other. With Jazz you didn't need to gab all the time. It was cool to just be, livin' in the moment.

"Jazz, you glad we came here?"

"I am, baby girl."

One hand slid from its hold on my breast and traveled back down to my abdomen before slippin' under my waist band toward my kitty. I placed my hand over his before he could start circling my clit with his talented fingers.

"We can't, Jazz."

"Whaddya mean?"

"No more Jazzgasms."

His hand cupped me.

"Bells-a-bub?"

"I, uh ... I promised Shags. I won't get kitty quivers from anyone other than him, and he won't play hide the pony with anyone but me. But I can still flick the bean."

Jazz's hand slid from beneath my clothes. I could tell he wasn't very happy as he flipped the sleeping bag from around us and slipped out from behind me. He stood and stared down at me.

"You've known this asshole for how long, Bells-a-bub? A year or so? And you are letting him alter our universe? Changing the way _we_ are? What's next? Separate beds? Separate places to live? What the fuck?"

"Jazz! Please! Don't ... please don't be gruff balls 'bout this. You know I love you. Nothing changes. I just, I don't wanna fuck this shit up."

"But you will fuck shit up between us?"

"It's not asking much is it? I mean, you have Pixie now for Bellgasms .. and I have Shags. I know it's different. I know. But I have to try... please, Jazz. Please give me the space to try."

He stared down at me long and hard.

"I hope you don't get your heart crushed, Bella," he said, shaking his head.

I reached out for him, but he turned and walked back to the house. I didn't wanna follow 'cause I could feel the tears fillin' up my peepers. Instead I rewrapped the sleeping bag around me and let the tears fall among the trees, the stars and the moon.

_Dear Universe, I sure hope you know what you're doin' cause my blood squisher is happy and sad at the same time. Love, Bella._

**Edward POV**

_You have a girlfriend. A fucking girlfriend. You. A tied down man._

I shook my head. _Yeah, so what? Is it really that bad to have a girlfriend? I mean, shit, this isn't just any woman that is "tying you down"; this is Bella. Bella, for crying out loud. Stop being such a pussy about this because you want this._

Don't you?

I closed my eyes tightly and rolled over in bed.

_Yes, I think that you want this. I mean, you want Bella, and this was the natural step to take, so this is what you wanted._

"Ahhhhhhhhggg!" I opened my eyes and sat up.

_Who wakes up randomly on a Tuesday at five in the fucking am? Oh, that's right...you. Because you have to over think everything. Always. Stop being so emo about this, you fuckface. If this was the wrong decision, you can break up eventually. It's not like you are married or anything. And even then, there is always divorce._

I slapped myself on the forehead. _For real? Did you seriously just think about marriage and divorce? Maybe Esme is right, maybe you are getting your period._

My phone beeped, thankfully bringing me out of my thoughts and back to reality.

_**E, you can't ignore your brother forever.**_

I scowled at Emmett's text message, turned my phone off, and put it on my bedside table.

_Watch me ignore you, Emmett. I am going to ignore you for as long as I fucking can; I don't want to know what you have to say._

A knock on the door brought my attention to whoever was standing outside of my room.

I groaned as I got out of bed. _Why can't people just understand that I am brooding and needed to be left alone?_ I stopped in my closet and grabbed a hoodie before padding over to the door.

_I swear to God, if it's my dad, I am going to belt him across the face without even thinking about it first. He deserves a good old-fashioned beat down for the stunt that he pulled last night._

I threw the door open and swore under my breath.

"Thought you could ignore me forever, huh, assface?"

I opened the door just wide enough to let my brother into my bedroom. "Thought I could ignore you for long enough."

"Why, Edward? Why the fuck did I have to fucking skip class today so I could drive home this morning and surprise my little brother so he had to talk to me?"

_Wow. And here I thought that this kid was smart. Obviously he forgets things really easily._

I raised an eyebrow and scratched the back of my neck. "Really, Emmett? You are gonna ask that?"

_Are you quick to forget how I insulted your girlfriend at the homecoming dance?_

"Yeah, I am gonna ask that." He crossed his massive arms in front of his chest, and I couldn't help but laugh.

_He looks like a petulant child._

"What the fuck is so funny?" he questioned, flexing his arms.

_He is clearly getting pissed. Maybe I should talk to him before he throws me to the ground and beats it out of me._

"Dude, you show up at the house at what, five in the morning? To talk to me? Seriously?" I tried to be scared, I tried to be pissed, but all I could come up with was amused.

_I feel like I am in some crappy movie or something. _

"Yeah, well, you ignore me and skip football practice...what am I supposed to do?"

I scrubbed my hand over my face. "Oh, yeah. I forgot about football yesterday."

"You...you...forgot about it?" Emmett questioned incredulously.

I shrugged. "I guess? I had more important things on my mind than football practice."

"Like Bella."

"Yeah," I replied, trying to get a read on Emmett's tone. "Like Bella."

A few moments of silence passed between us, and Emmett grew uneasy. "Okay, I'll bite. What is going on between you two?"

I shrugged and tried to hold back the smile that was threatening to overtake my face.

_What the fuck, Cullen? Hold yourself together for a second, why don't you? I mean, yeah, she is your girlfriend. But you don't need to be a pussy about it._

I kept the smile at bay as I walked out of my bedroom and down the hall to the rec room.

"Are you ignoring me?" Emmett asked, following me out of my room.

_Has he always been this dense?_

"No, Emmett. It's just...it's really fucking early in the morning, okay?"

"Well, stop pussy footing around my questions and you can go back to bed, douchebag."

I narrowed my eyes at him but kept my mouth shut.

"You are finally fucking her, aren't you?"

_Ha. I fucking wish._

"Nah, it's more than that, isn't it?"

I continued to keep my mouth shut. This did not please Emmett, and he swung a fist, landing it directly in the middle of my arm.

"Goddamn it, asshole!" I rubbed the now-sore spot on my arm and glared at Emmett.

"Stop being an ass and just tell me what is going on. You know, before I throw you to the ground and kick your ass."

_This shouldn't be hard to admit to Emmett. It really, really shouldn't...you know, considering the fact that the whole school will probably know about it as soon as you walk into FHS with Bella on your arm._

"Fine. Not like you wouldn't find out from Rosalie or anything," I sighed. "Bella and I are...sorta dating." _Sorta dating? She is your fucking girlfriend, man. _

"Sorta dating? _You?_ _You_ are sorta dating?" He reached over to ruffle my hair. "Dude, you have a girlfriend?"

I sat down on the couch and closed my eyes. I nodded in response as Emmett sat down on the couch next to me.

"Bella. Bella Swan. Swan Spawn. Bella Swan Spawn is your _girlfriend_."

I opened my eyes, looked at Emmett, and gritted my teeth. "Call her that again, and so help me God..."

He held up his hands in defense. "Bro, it's fine. I mean no disrespect, I like that girl. I just can't believe that _she _likes _you_, man. No offense or anything."

"Coming from the guy that I grew up with? Who shares my genes? How could you think that you saying that would offend me?" I sarcastically bit back.

_Where is a cigarette when I need one? I haven't thought about smoking in a long time, but fuck. I need a smoke._

"I am not trying to offend you, man. Just...she seems like a pretty cool girl, and I don't want to see you screw it up."

I ran my hands through my hair and stopped to rub my temples. "Yeah, I kinda know that." _Kinda? Ha. Understatement._

"You know, I had a pretty good talk with her the other day."

I stopped massaging my temples and looked at Emmett. "When you were dancing with her?"

He let out a low chuckle. "Of course, when I was dancing with her, you fucking idiot. It's not like I have her on my speed dial."

"And...?"

"And, she is pretty cool."

"Nice, fuckface. Tell me what she said."

He shook his head. "Insults will get you nowhere, Edward."

I smiled and shook my head. "Good God, man, you sound like Esme."

"Well, you know, the lady did kind of raise us."

"Right." I paused for a moment, looking over my brother. He did look rather disheveled, given the early hour. "Stop beating around the bush yourself, asshole. Tell me what Bella said...'cause seriously, you look like you need some sleep yourself."

"Nah, I am skipping class today. I fully intend on catching up on my sleep here."

I narrowed my tired eyes at my brother. "Two can play at this game, asshole. I am not talking anymore until you do. So...either waste your trip back home, or not. It's up to you whether or not we continue playing this immature, stupid fucking game."

He narrowed his eyes back at me, producing the same effect. _We just had to share that damn trait, didn't we?_

I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes, ignoring his childish behavior.

Right before I was going to fall asleep, _'cause God knows I wasn't even sleeping before Emmett showed up_, he spoke up. "Fine, asshole. Not that it was a big deal or anything, but she said something like, 'I'm really into Shags. I so know it will be wicked awesome when we hump,' or something like that. You know how her vocab is different."

I opened my eyes and glared at Emmett. "Why was that so hard to say?"

_It wasn't vulgar or upsetting in any way...it was, in short, a very Bella thing to say. A very hot, very truthful thing to say, at that._

"I dunno? Why is it so hard for you to talk about Rosalie with me?"

In the spirit of not beating around the bush, I cleared my throat. "Em, it's not exactly easy to tell you that I'm not sorry that I called your girlfriend a 'cunt' in front of the school. Because I meant every word of it. How could you not see that I wouldn't want to talk about this?"

He sighed and ran a hand through his short hair. "The only reason I am not beating your ass right now is because I know that Rosalie hasn't made this easy on you."

"Easy on me?" I let out a low chuckle. "Is that what you call this? Her attitude towards me, and the fact that she feels that it is okay to hit me...that 'isn't being easy on me'? Fuck, I don't want to know what you would consider 'being hard on me'."

"I'm not condoning any of that behavior..."

"Christ," I interrupted. "Just listen to you! You sound like you are defending your child or something right now. But you aren't, Emmett. This is your fucking girlfriend!"

Emmett shook his head. "No, it's not that, it's..."

"I don't care what you are going to say, Emmett. You are my brother, and I know that you are smarter than all of this, but if you aren't going to do anything about it, I have to stand behind what you want. Just...just please understand why I am not happily prancing around you and Rosalie as if there wasn't anything wrong. Because there is something insanely wrong with all of this, and, well..." I angrily ran a hand through my hair, pulling at the ends of it.

"I love her, E. I will talk with her, and tell her why it's not okay..."

_She shouldn't need you to tell her why this all isn't okay. _Instead of saying that, or arguing with my brother any further, I just shrugged. _I mean, what else is there to say to him? He isn't going to listen, and he is my brother; it's not like I can just walk away from all of this. I will see Emmett (and possibly Rosalie) for the rest of my life; at least at holidays._

Emmett frowned at my reaction and balled his hands into fists. "E, it bothers me so fucking much that you don't like Rosalie."

_And the fact that she doesn't like me doesn't bother you? Whatever. _"It definitely makes things a little more difficult when family members don't like your significant other, doesn't it?"

"What...? What do you mean? Someone else doesn't like Rosie? Or someone doesn't like Bella?"

_Ha. You are completely dense, aren't you? Esme abhors Rosalie, while Carlisle wants to fuck her silly. How can you not see that? _"Carlisle doesn't like Bella."

"What? Are you serious? How do you know that?"

"Yes, I am serious. And we had dinner last night together. The things that he said to her, and the way he was talking to her..." I gritted my teeth. "It wasn't...nice."

_Nice? You went with the word "nice"? Seriously?_

"Dude," Emmett laughed. "Don't worry about Carlisle. You know he has a stick up his ass."

I narrowed my eyes at him. _Him having a stick up his ass doesn't excuse what he did to Bella._

"You know Carlisle, you know how he is. Why is this bothering you so much?"

I ignored the question and stared straight ahead.

"Edward. FUCK. You really like this girl, don't you? I mean, really, really like her. Like, you...this isn't about sex, it isn't about how hot she looks when she is wearing her funky ass clothing, it's about...her being her."

As hard as it was to admit it out loud, I swallowed loudly before looking Emmett in the eyes. "No, Emmett, it isn't just about sex. Or how attractive she is. Or the things she does to me...It's...much more than that."__

You admitted it out loud. To your brother, none the less.

Now, that wasn't so hard, was it?

Was it?

The smallest, most pathetic part of me wasn't quite sure.

**E/N: So…that may have been a little short.  
BUT Chapter 18 is friggin amazing. Just saying. So…if you are awesome enough to leave us a review…Michelle will send you some love back in the form of a teaser for chapter 18. And trust us when we say that it is SO WORTH IT, because chapter 18 is the tits. (Make sure that you leave a signed review or leave an email address to send the review to…because Michelle can't send a teaser when she has no way to get a hold of you!).  
Thanks for all your support you guys! Each and every review and favourite and alert this story gets means the world to Michelle and Paige!**


	18. Arty Party

**A/N: Paige (BPOV) and Michelle (EPOV) own nothing. BUT Robert Pattinson AND their ridiculously awesome Betas (TRDancer and imcarriej) own them, completely and totally.**

**We are trying our hardest to get the first half of LFBF done before Michelle pops out her baby (exactly one month from today is her due date!). Fingers crossed, huh? :)**

**On with the show! Hope you like this chapter…it's one of my favorites!**

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****Bella POV**  
I saw his car come up the road and felt my blood squisher start beatin' furiously. This was really happenin'; Shags was really comin' to pick me up for McEducation. I couldn't help but giggle like a loon. It was a sign from the universe that he was serious, that he wanted this to be ties that bind. We'd get to Sporks High and we'd hold hands and it wouldn't matter what anyone said 'cause it would just be the two of us. It was Bellerella and her Prince Sharming.

I gave him a saucy smile as he stopped and exited the car to get the door for me. Gallant too!

"Morning, Shags," I said, raisin' on tip toes to brush my lips against his.

"Mmmm. Morning." He smiled back.

"Wasn't sure if you were really gunna show," I said as I brushed my fingers over his chest.

"You didn't think that I would show up?" He frowned, running his hands through my hair. "Why not?"

"Thought maybe this was all a dream." I smiled.

"Not a dream," he sighed with another smile, snoggin' me again.

"Guess we should get to McEducation before we get our asses fried by the machine."

"Ah ha. The machine being what, exactly?"

"Dictator Meyers, everyone's favourite princiPAL! I wish Meyers and The Fuzz would hook up and then maybe I wouldn't get in so much trouble. The Fuzz could grease the wheels ... feed the angry beaver ... so to speak."

"Right. Machine. Wouldn't want to piss her off. But, you know, we could always not go to school at all..." He snogged me long and good. "'Dr. Pops' and the missus are out today. All day. No one to scold us for staying in bed and not going to school."

"The Fuzz still has a gun and he isn't entirely impressed with my McEducation attendance as is. He'd bust a vessel if I told him I ditched school to fuck you all day."

"Aw...now who said we would fuck _all _day?" he grinned. "I mean, I'd have to stop sometime to feed you. Gotta keep your stamina up somehow, right?"

"Who said anything about stoppin'? If you're gunna ride this ride, ya gotta be a wicked awesome endurance athlete," I said, grinnin'.

"Good thing my parents had me participating in sports from a very young age. Endurance athlete is my middle name," he winced, realizing that it sounded like fromage from a can. "Or something like that," he corrected.

I laughed. "Well, as soon as we finish the project, I expect you to live up to your middle name. Get in the car." I gave him a little shove and slid into the passenger seat.

I could see Shags snickering as he walked back over to his side, got in and set us off in the direction of Sporks High.

"You got any plans this weekend, Shags?"

"Maybe a football game? I don't know. Why, what's up?"

"Well, Gothy Gert is havin' a party up at her shack, and I wanted to know if you would go with me?"

He reached over with the hand that wasn't steering the car and grabbed one of my hands. "These are your good friends, right?"

"Yeah, they are super good apples and I really want then to meet you and see that you aren't a douc... uhm... that you aren't a jock jerk."

"That I'm not a what, Bella? What do your friends think that I am?"

"Uhm, most of them think you're, well, the peeps you hang with are douche bags. But I told 'em you aren't."

"They think I am a douche bag," he repeated. "Fun! This should be fun, huh? I mean, now you'll have to justify me to your friends. Didn't really think of that before..." He grabbed his hand back from mine and scratched his neck.

"I'm not justifyin' anything. You aren't a douche bag and they will see that."

"Right. They'll see that." He got quiet for a moment before clearing his throat. "Well, count me in for this weekend. Even if I have a game or whatever... I'll skip it. I'm all yours to introduce to your good apples."

"I don't want you to have to skip dude huggin'. The party won't start until later anyway." I took his hand back in mine. "If you are uncomfortable with goin', you don't have to."

"Nah, dude hugging is overrated. And it's not like you haven't done something that made you uncomfortable to be around me before, Bella," he said, squeezing my hand.

"I want you to come and have a good time and maybe see that us "freaks" aren't such bad shits after all." I grinned.

"Freaks?"

"I know that's what some of your peeps call us. I think I'm, what is it they call me... Swan Spawn?"

His face flushed all double bubble before he uncomfortably cleared his throat. "You...you've heard that?"

"I'm not deaf, Shags. Of course I've heard that."

He frowned like the emo bastid that he was. "Shit, Bella. I'm so sorry."

"Why are you sorry, Shags? Wouldn't be the first time I was called names, and I imagine it won't be the last. Swan Spawn is better than some of the names, trust me."

"Still."

"Don't worry 'bout it, Shags." I paused a sec or two. "Listen, I'll need you to meet me up at the party. Gothy Gert needs me to help her set some stuffs up, but then I'll let you drive me home. S'cool?"

"You...want me to drive there by myself?" He sucked in a breath and blew it out noisily. "Yeah. Sure."

"I mean, if you don't wanna come up by yourself I can figure out how to get to your digs or somethin'."

"Nah, that's fine. Don't want to inconvenience you at all, B. I have my own car and what-not, I don't need an escort." He plastered on a half-hearted smile.

I frowned slightly. Maybe this wasn't a good time for him to meet my peeps, or maybe I shouldn't ask him to come alone. He clearly was not snugs with the idea. I didn't want this to become some big hooplah.

"If yer sure, Shags. I can always meet you..."

"I am sure, Bella. I'll just...call you when I get near? And we can meet?"

"That sounds like a plan, Shags!" I leaned over and smooched his cheek as we pulled into Sporks High.

**Edward POV**

"Glad to see that you getting some extreme strange hasn't changed your playing, Cullen," Mike razzed, throwing his disgustingly sweaty jersey into his locker and slamming the door shut.

_Yeah, go ahead and leave that there. Not like it needs to be washed or anything..._

"Could we even classify Swan Spawn as 'extreme strange'? She is so... strange... seems as though she would need her own fucking category."

I wasn't sure who had said that, but I ignored them and continued undressing. Honestly, I was so fucking sick of all of the comments that had been flung my way since Bella and I walked into school hand in hand on Tuesday morning, and I was glad that it was finally the fucking weekend. _Thank God it's fucking Friday._ I had my fill of people this week... no matter what I said in response to defend Bella or I, it made no difference; the shallow minded idiots kept saying what they were going to say about our relationship.

_Say what you are gonna say, fuckers. You aren't changing my mind about Bella._

"Hey, Cullen!" one of my teammates, Drew, shouted across the locker room. "Party at my house this weekend. If you leave your, uh, woman home, you are free to come."

I shook my head and didn't even look at Drew as I packed my bag together with the items that Maria needed to clean when I got home. "Nope. Already got plans."

Jayson, another teammate, walked up to me and playfully punched me in the shoulder. "Oh, yeah? What kind of plans?"

I zipped up my bag and slung it over my shoulder. "None of your business, that's what kind of plans."

"OOooh! He got defensive! Looks like he gots plans with _Swan Spawn_, huh?" Jayson chuckled, sneering at me.

"I don't know why that would matter to you, Jayson."

"Concern for his teammate," Tyler said, brushing past Jayson and staring me down. "Doesn't want to see his friend make a bigger mistake than he already has."

"Right." I _accidentally _hit my shoulder into Tyler's as I made my way to the exit.

_Accidentally, my ass. Just like if you were to reach out and punch him in his smartass mouth, it would be an accident. _

_Yep._

"Does this have anything to do with Leah Clearwater's party tomorrow?" Mike questioned just as I was exiting the room.

I paused in the doorway, surprised that he even knew about the gathering, before I pushed my way through the door. _Why in the world would Mike even give a shit about Leah having people over? It's not like he gave a shit before Bella came along._ I kept good care not to look at anyone as I made my way to my car and drove home.

As soon as I walked through the doors of Casa de Cullen, I picked up my phone and dialed the only phone number that I had called in the last week. I waited patiently as the phone rang; I wasn't sure what she was doing tonight, but I wanted to find out.

"Hannah's house of whores and horrors. How can I help you?"

"House of whores, eh? I think I dialed the wrong number then..." I smiled, switching the phone to my other ear.

"Vhat? You no vant whores?" Bella giggled.

"Nah. Got my sights set on one girl in particular, and I wouldn't call her a whore by any means."

_Shit, if she were a whore, and had given me what I wanted right away...this would be different. _

And for the first time, I realized that it was a good thing.

_If Bella had given in right away, would I have taken the time to pursue her more, learning more about her in the process? Probably not._

"She's a lucky girl. So you vant horrors then?"

"She's lucky? Nah, I don't think so."

"I think she is lucky."

I rolled my eyes. "Sure ya do. So lucky. Everyone's chomping at the bit to be with an emotional fucktard."

"OH, ze horror!" I could tell she was grinning on the other end. "What's up, Shags?"

I smiled and closed my eyes. "Just got home from my game. Wondering what you were up to."

"Well, I painted my nails, chatted with Myrtle, watched a movie that wasn't in English, flicked the bean, and now I'm chitter-chattin' with you. You win your dude huggin'?"

"Flicked the bean?" _Why does she have to say that kind of stuff to me? I have no fucking idea what else she said after that... she could have told me that she cured cancer and all I would be focused on is Bella touching herself._

"Yup. Flicked the bean. Thought of you if it helps. So dude huggin'? Win or fail?"

I swallowed thickly. _What the fuck, man! You aren't thirteen; you should be able to handle yourself when you find out that your girlfriend fucks herself to thoughts of you. Jesus Christ!_

"Yeah, huh, what?"

_It's been too long since you have been properly fucked, dude. You aren't even coherent right now._

"What's got you so distracted, Shags?"

"Dis... distracted?" I asked, my voice cracking. I quickly cleared my throat. "Why do you, uh, think I'm distracted?"

_Naked Bella... touching herself... Stop thinking about this! You are one step away from saying the word "boobies" and giggling. Jesus._

"I asked you twice about dude huggin' and you never said. Epic win or fail?"

"Oh, uh." _Boobies! Bella's naked boobies!_

_Holy fuck, you have regressed to a child. You should probably hang up the phone now before Bella realizes that she is dating a twelve year old._

"Win. We won."

_Nice save, jackass._

"Congrats, Shags! If I was there I'd give you a big smooch."

_Yes, I wish that you were here too._ "Wanna come over, Bella? I, uh, can come pick you up?" _And maybe I can stop thinking about your fucking boobies. _

"Are you brainin' 'bout me flickin' the bean? Is that why you want me to come over?" She laughed.

"No, that's not why I want you to come over." _Yes, it is why I want you to come over._

"Oh, so why do you want me to come over? Play twister? Chess? Beer pong with your mom and pops?"

_Naked twister sounds fantastic. _"Who said we have to do anything like that? We could just chill, watch a movie."

"It's kinda late, Shags. I don't think the Fuzz would be so hippity-happity to let me out. You wanna come here instead?"

I felt the excitement that was bubbling up in my stomach fizzle out. "The gun-toting chief would be okay with me coming over?"

"Probably not, but I could give him the what's what. I'd be more worried about Jazz. You're not really high on his peeps to like list."

"I've known that for awhile." _She had to talk about her dad and Jasper, didn't she? My boner is gone now. _

It took a moment for Bella's statement to fully set in. "But... has his distaste for me gotten worse?"

"Uhm, yeah..."

"What-? How is that even possible? I didn't... I didn't do anything to make him hate me more, did I?"

"I, uh, told him about our agreement. The no Jazzgasms thing."

"And...?" _I don't see the problem here. I mean, she is my fucking girlfriend._

"He wasn't too happy. Thinks you are messin' shit up between him and I. Changin' the universe."

"I am not trying to mess up your universe, Bella. But shit, you are my girlfriend."

"I know that. It's just, things have been a certain way between Jazz and I for a long time. It will take some adjusting. He'll come around."

"Alice was cool with you giving him 'Bellagasms' when they started dating?"

"I dunno. I never asked."

"But you kept doing them?" _Why, Cullen, why do you ask questions that you don't want the answers to?"_

"Yeah..." I could tell she didn't think there was anything wrong with that.

I slapped my palm to my forehead. "What if I continued to get orgasms from someone else after we became official? Wouldn't that...cheapen our relationship?"

"But we have rules. Maybe they don't?"

"We, as in you and me?" I scrubbed my hand over my face in frustration.

"Yeah, you and I have rules, remember? Maybe they don't. Maybe Pixie is down with it all."

"It's not meant to look at like 'rules', B. Do you think it's fine for Jasper to keep touching you like that when we are together?"

"Well no, cause it makes you uncomfortable. So no Jazzgasms."

"You don't feel forced to stop or anything, right?"

"No. You asked and I said okay."

I nodded my head, regardless of the fact that she couldn't see me over the phone. "Just don't want you to resent me or anything. I mean, if Jasper is mad, you might be mad. Peas in a pod, right?"

"Jasper will come around. Once you spend some time together you'll see that the other isn't a bag of arseholes."

"I never said that he was a bag of arseholes." _Yeah, out loud._

"I'm not an idiot, Shags. I know the two of you aren't best spuds."

"I never said that you were an idiot, Bella. I want to like Jasper... I mean, he is your best friend. It is kind of important for me to do so, right?"

"I'd like you two to get along. I was hopin' you could hang a bit tomorrow."

_I was hoping that we, meaning you and I, could hang a bit tomorrow. Like, in a secluded area. Naked._

"I am sure we can arrange that, Bella. I mean, we are hanging with your friends, right? And Jasper is your number one best bud."

"Good! I'm lookin' forward to this shin-dig tomorrow. It's gunna be a bunch of fun!"

"Yeah, I am looking forward to seeing you." _Because you are a vag and you are suffering through Bella withdrawals already? What the fuck, Cullen?_

"You're still cool with comin' up to Gothy Gert's on yer own?"

_Would rather not drive there by myself in case your friends, who think I am a douche bag, are planning on ambushing me or something._

"Yeah, I should be fine." _I mean, what could they do to me, even if they decided to attack me like my "friends" attacked Jasper? They could shave my head and I would be fine. Embarrassed, sure, but fine._

"You know where she lives, right?"

"On the reservation, right?"

"That's right. By the rock that is painted like flowers in May."

I smiled and took a deep breath. "The flowers in May, huh?" _Good God, this woman is wonderful. _"Very descriptive. I don't think I will have a hard time finding it."

"You can't miss it at all. There is a big tree shaped like a ballerina behind it too."

"A ballerina? Would I have to be high to be able to see that?" I laughed at her description.

"No! It looks like a ballerina." She was completely serious.

"I trust you." I smiled, shaking my head. "So, uh, should I bring anything? What kind of, uhm, party is this?"

"Bring whatever you want: wobbly pops, Mary J, Lucy Loos, E. Just no dust; Gothy Gert isn't big on that."

"Yeah, I am not big on anything but alcohol, I guess; so you don't have to worry about me bringing cocaine. That's something that Rosalie got into, not me."

"Seriously? Rosalie powders her nose? Never would have guessed! Does Captn' T know?"

Just then I heard Jasper pipe up from the back ground, "Who powders their nose?"

"How long has Jasper been there, B? And yes, Emmett does know that she does coke. But he doesn't make any moves to stop her."

"He just came in." I could hear her tell him that Rosalie snorts. "Seriously? Wow. Huh."

"Does that really surprise you?" I cringed as I heard the squeaking of bed springs. _Jasper must have just gotten onto the bed with Bella._

_That's my spot, damnit. I should be there, right now._

"I guess it does and it doesn't. Guess I know what to get her for Jebus Day."

"Jebus Day?" I sucked in a hearty breath and blew it out. "You would actually get something for her for Christmas? Even after the hell that she has put you through?"

"Everybody deserves something for Jebus Day. Those are the rules."

"Bella Swan, you are fucking amazing. Because I don't think that even I will be able to get her anything for Christmas this year. Or any year following this one, for that matter."

"She's kinda bitchy and stuff, but I bet there's a good person in there somewhere."

"You've said that before. And I can't believe that you still believe it, regardless of all that she has put you through. Your attitude towards others is one of the things I love about you."

There was silence. "Say that again, Shags."

_What did I say? Fuckkkk... _"What? I don't know what I said."

"The last bit ..."

_Huh? _"Uhm, you have a great attitude?"

"The other part."

_Am I brain dead? _"What other part?"

"Nevermind, Shags," she said.

I scratched my head. _I seriously have no idea what she is getting at here. What in the world could have I said that she wanted to have me repeat? I mean, I just hinted that her attitude is one of the things that I liked about her. But so what? Why would that matter?_

_Wait._

_But I didn't use the word "like", did I?_

_I used the other word. The other one that starts with an "L"._

_That's what I said._

_I said that I loved something about her._

_I used the "L" word._

_I said that? Out loud?_

_Fuck. _

_Fuck._

_Fuck!_

_I have never fucking said anything like that out loud. Nor have I really even thought that about someone. I mean, how ridiculous. I don't "love" anything, or anyone for that matter. Isabella is amazing, yes, but love? I don't want anything to do with love. If it's what Carlisle and Esme and Emmett and Rosalie have...keep me far, far away from it._

I suddenly became very uncomfortable with the fact that I was talking on the phone with Bella.

"Um," I started shakily, "Did you want me to let you go now that Jasper is home?"

"Yeah, Jazz is tired and wants to go to bed. But I'll see you on the flip side, Shags. You stay cool 'till then."

"Flip side, right."

"Later, Shags."

XXX

I woke up on Saturday morning still freaking out about the fact that I said the "L" word in any way, shape or form.

_And the fact that Bella caught me saying it really fucking fucks me over, doesn't it?_

_Whatever. It is what it is, right?_

Regardless, I spent most of the day brooding. Swam in the pool while brooding, masturbated while brooding, showered while brooding, watched Sports Center while brooding, ate while brooding.

I took a shot of vodka before I decided that I was going to take off to go to Leah's party to hang out with Bella and her "good apples", hoping that it would tame the brooding just a bit. _The last thing that I needed was for them to think of me as an even bigger douchebag, right? _

I couldn't even feel the vodka. The burn in my throat was my only evidence that I had imbibed in alcohol.

_Whatever._

Quickly grabbing a flask, I filled it with Jack. _This will have to do...you can't get wasted tonight, remember? You can't just pass out in a place that you don't know._

I finished getting ready and drove myself to the reservation, trying to remember where Leah lived. I had visited there, a couple of years ago, because Esme was friends with Leah's neighbor; and because our town was so small, I knew who lived next door to the house that I visited as a child. _Go figure. _

It turned out that my memory wasn't as good as I thought it was, and I was having a hard time finding the house. I called Bella a couple of times, but she wasn't answering her phone.

_Fuck. Just my luck._

I was about to turn around and head to a gas station to get some kind of directions, when I turned onto a street that looked kind of familiar. Going by gut instinct, I found the house that I was looking for.

I parked my vehicle and tried to call Bella's cell phone again.

The line picked up but there was fumbling. "Shags?"

"Bella? Are you there? Because I think that I am at the right place. Wanna meet me?"

"Yeah, yeah ... lemme ... ooops!" She laughed at something. "I'm comin', I'm... good gourds! It is like oceans of fish in here."

_High as a kite? Probably. Good thing I have my bottle of Jack with me..._

I saw Bella emerge from the house that I was standing in front of, and I couldn't help but smile and get turned on at the same time. _The outfit that she is wearing...holy shit. _

_I swear to goodness, even though she is fully clothed, it looks like all she is wearing is a black exercise bra with a purple and black tutu and hoodie. The bare spaces between are covered with very see-through fishnet and a thin t-shirt...and the fact that I could easily make out the bra made me hard as fuck. _

"Bella, fuck. Look at you," I said, pulling her into my arms.

"And look at you, Shags!" She brought my head down to hers and kissed me.

"Me? Who gives a shit about what I look like?"

"I do, 'cause I like to think 'bout me taking all those things off."

"Mmmm..." I moaned into her kiss. "Wanna skip this party? We can arrange you taking my clothes off."

"Nice try, Shags. I want you to meet my peeps."

I broke away from Bella and shrugged. "Can't blame me for trying, can you?"

"You wouldn't be you if you didn't! Now come on!" She dragged me up the steps. "Watch out for the drop bears."

"The drop bears?" I asked as I followed Bella.

"They drop down and mess up your dooooo. Bastids."

"Yeah, I'm sorry. I still don't know what you are talking about." _What is she on? And why did she do it, knowing that I was going to be showing up sober?_

"S'ok, Shags. I will protect you. Now c'mon."

"Right." I frowned, starting to get a little worried. "What are you protecting me from?"

"Drop bears."

We walk into the living room of the house and I notice that just about all of Bella's "good apples" are hanging out in there. Jasper, Alice, Jacob, Leah, and a bunch of other people that I couldn't remember names for looked up at me... and stared at me like I had the plague or something.

"Uhm, hi," I said, my voice practically cracking. _You scared, Edward? You probably should be. You still have no fucking idea what "drop bears" are._

"Everyone, this is Shags. Shags, this is everyone!"

I shifted uncomfortably in my spot as I noticed that everyone's glares intensified after Bella introduced me. "Thanks for, uh, letting me come over."

_Really? You just said that, like the social 'tard that you are. My God, you are... you are a freak. If any of these people ever talk to you again - Bella included - you will be a lucky man._

"Yeah, well, that was your girlfriend's doing," Leah said rather indifferently.

I nodded, swallowing thickly. "Well, it is appreciated, nonetheless."

"Everyone looks like they have pineapples up their vaginas. Turn those frowns into woot woos! Turn the music up," Bella laughed, jumping up onto one of the sofas in the living room.

Jasper grinned at Bella, and I couldn't help but smile either. _Not that I have ever seen anyone with a pineapple up their vagina, but I am pretty sure that Bella hit the nail on the head with her observation._

One of the kids whose name I never really cared to know before walked up to Bella and told her to stick her tongue out.

_What a strange thing to ask someone._

When Bella complied with his request, the kid placed a pill on Bella's tongue. I didn't have very long to question what was going on before a bunch more kids who I didn't know piled into the room.

The gathering in the living room turned into a party within seconds, and suddenly I was surrounded by kids drinking and dancing and doing more drugs.

_Yeah, I am definitely not in Kansas anymore. I mean, I have been around drugs at a party, obviously...but nothing done so openly before. Most of the time it's something that's considered "hush hush" while it's being done in a back room with the door locked or something._

I was jolted out of my thoughts as someone pressed their body against my back, grinding into me, and started running their hands down my front.

_What the fuck...?_

"Relax, Shags. You look like a banana out of water. Keep that up and the drop bears will get ya," Bella whispered in my ear.

"I am a banana out of water, Bella. I am completely fucking sober, and everyone in this room looks like they want to murder me!" I yelled/whispered back.

"So have a drink, and not everyone wants to murder you. There's some stuff over there if you want to mix."

"No mix. Straight is fine, I think..." _But remember, maybe you shouldn't get fucked up and be in a place wholly unfamiliar to you when Bella herself, the only person here who cares about you, is fucked up. _"On second thought, mix is good." Bella's hands were dancing all over my body, and as hard as it was to break away from that, it also reminded me of how fucked up she was right now and how much of a game of "catch up" I had to play.

I walked over to the table that Bella had motioned to, grabbed the closest thing they had to coke, and poured it in a red cup before reaching in my jacket for the flask of Jack that I brought with me. Jasper sidled up next to me and started pouring himself a beer.

_Time to try to start burying the hatchet, right? _"Hey, man." I nodded my head in Jasper's direction and made sure that he noticed that I was talking to him.

"You and I need to talk," Jasper said, looking forward.

"Okay...?" I frowned, taking a drink from my glass. "What did you want to talk about?"

Jasper nodded toward the kitchen and headed to a quieter area. "We need to chat about my Bella," he said, turning to face me.

_His Bella. Right. _"Peas in a pod, yeah?" I replied.

"You're going to break up with her."

I frowned again, this time in extreme confusion. "No, I am not." _What is that supposed to mean?_

"You _are_ going to break up with her before this shit goes too far and you break her heart."

"I have no intentions of breaking her heart, so..."

"Yeah, right. And I'm supposed to believe an asshole like you? Listen," he paused to take a sip of his beer, "Bella is a good girl. She is open, and free and throws herself into things. I will not let you fuck her up. I will not let you fuck her and toss her away."

I shook my head. "I don't know what to tell you, man, but I honestly am not in this to hurt Bella. I... I don't want to fuck her up at all." I took another sip of my drink. "That being said, I can't walk away from her. I have tried to ignore Bella, to ignore whatever kind of pull that I feel towards her. And it isn't happening. I won't leave... because frankly, I can't."

_Holy shit; isn't that the truth? What are you drinking right now, dude? Truth serum?_

"You're already fucking things up, changing things between her and I. When you fuck off to wherever it is douche bags go, I'll be the one there holding all the pieces. And it will be me who has to glue her back together. So it will be better for all those concerned if you just quit now before the damage is hardcore."

I shook my head, fully expecting Jasper to punch me in the jaw because I was not about to give in to his pleas. _I'm not walking away from Bella... because there is no fucking way that I could right now. And that is the honest to God truth._

"While I do understand your point, Jasper, and believe me when I say that I don't want to hurt her at all... I just... I can't walk away from Bella." _I'm in too deep as it is._

"Why?" he asked, staring at me.

"Are you fucking kidding me? If someone were to tell _you _to walk away from Bella, would you be able to?"

"What Bella and I have is completely different, not even on the same level as what you _think _you have. So don't play that horse shit with me."

"I know that you guys are 'peas in a pod' and all that jazz. And I get that... but fuck. Bella is fucking special to me too, Jasper. We may not be what you are, but we are... something."

"Oh yeah? And what is that 'something'?"

"I think you know what we are." I frowned a little and cocked my head. "You know what? Come to think of it, Bella mentioned to me that she told you and you didn't approve. And I can't help but wonder why, Jasper. Is there more to your relationship with Bella than what you are leading on? I mean, why would it bother you so much that Bella is my girlfriend? Is it because you don't like how I wanted to be exclusive when it came to our fucking orgasms?" I felt my face flush with the pure anger that was starting to course through my veins.

Jasper took a step closer to me, his eyes filled with anger. "Listen here, asshole. I don't want you sticking your diseased man meat or anything else inside her. She is too good for you. And you will never, ever make her cum like I do."

My fists balled up at my side, like they fucking always do when I get pissed. "Now I know that she may be better than me, and I am not denying that fact. But if there is one thing that I can give her, one thing, it is the best fuck. Of. Her. Life."

_Really? This asswipe thinks that he can compare? To me? Does he even know what I did for fun before Bella came along?_

"I don't think she would be thrilled with your two minute adventure..."

"What's going on here?" I hadn't heard Alice approach and apparently Jasper hadn't either.

"Eddie and I were just finishing a conversation." He was still pissed off at me.

"Yeah. A conversation regarding Bella's orgasms. Which I feel should really only be mine, now that she is my girlfriend and what-not." _Yeah, you want to play dirty? Well, I can too, fuckface._

"Why would you be discussing Bella's orgasms? That... seems like an odd conversation to be having," Alice said, clearly confused and somewhat uncomfortable.

I just shrugged and stared at Jasper. When it seemed that Jasper wasn't going to say anything to his girlfriend, his "Pixie", I decided that I needed to help the conversation along for him. "Jasper, here, seems to believe that he still owns Bella's orgasms. And that he can make her cum better than I can."

Alice whipped her head to look at Jasper. "What is he talking about, Jasper?"

Jasper looked at Alice. "Nothing. He doesn't know what he is talking about."

I raised my eyebrows in response. _Oh hell no, he did NOT just say that!_

Alice looked between the two of us and then her eyes rested on Jasper. Her face crumbled ever so slightly. "Do you and Bella..." she paused as though she couldn't get the words out, "do you and Bella have sex?"

"No, Alice, Eddie here is just trying to cause problems where none existed." He shot me a dirty look before looking down into Alice's eyes. He smiled at her and lifted a hand to touch her cheek.

"I don't know if I want you to touch me right now, Jasper." She turned quickly and walked into the mass of people in the living room.

Jasper looked at me. "You're a dead man," he said as he moved quickly, trying to catch up with Alice.

_Fantastic, dickhead. I think that the goal for you coming here tonight was not to cause problems, and to try to show Bella's friends that you aren't a douche bag. Pretty sure you just proved the exact opposite of that just now. What the fuck is your problem?_

I groaned in frustration and tried to find Bella once again. _You are such an asshole. Whatever was going on between Bella and Jasper before was not your business, man. And Jasper is totally gonna kick the shit out of you for causing him problems, isn't he?_

Instead of running into Bella, I ran head-on into Tyler Crowley.

I couldn't contain the look of confusion that was surely displayed on my face. "What the fuck...?"

Tyler tipped an empty red cup towards me. "Heard there was a party on the res with free alcohol and lots of tits. Couldn't help myself. Or, we couldn't help ourselves, for that matter."

_Ourselves? What the fuck does that mean? _"Whatever you heard is wrong, Tyler. You shouldn't be here..." I trailed off, suddenly terrified as to why these people, the self-proclaimed "populars", were here at Leah's.

_They have never given a fuck about this crowd. Not until... Not until now._

_I have to find Bella._

I walked away from Tyler without another word and wandered through the large crowd that was now filling Leah's house. I recognized quite a few guys from the football team and their girlfriends milling about the room.

_They wouldn't be here if it weren't for me. I pretty much ruin everything that I touch, don't I? I mean, these people were having a good time until I showed up..._

_...Maybe Jasper was right. Maybe I am "diseased man meat" when it comes to Bella. Maybe she would be better off without me._

I finally spotted her on the far side of the room. She was obviously drunk and very, very high. _No, man. She isn't better without you. Look how her face lit up when she spotted you. And maybe if you were at her side the entire time tonight, she wouldn't be in the absolutely wasted state that she is in now._

"Bella! There you are," I said, gliding up next to her and grabbing her arm.

"Shhhagy, is that you? Schmells like you, but there are sharks in the water." Her eyes were wide and fearful.

"Bella, babe. It's me. Did you... did you want to get out of here?"

_Why didn't you say what you wanted to say? That there are sharks in the water but that you will try your hardest to protect her?_

"They took the boat! Don't!" She looked around frantically and then shied away from something only she seemed to be able to see.

"Don't worry about the boat, Bella. You have me, and I can... I can take care of you."

"No, Shhhhaggy, they will eat you alive! They have no souls. They want yours. They stole it. I'll get it back. I'll get it." Tears welled in her eyes and streamed down her cheeks. She pulled from my grasp and wove through the mass of bodies.

"Bella, wait!" I yelled after her, trying to keep up. "Wait!"

It was no use. She escaped the room before I was able to move from my spot.

Seems the crowd that was now surrounding me consisted of my former "friends"; people that I had no wants or needs to talk to anymore. _All I want is Bella...I have to fucking find Bella._

I began trying to push my way through the people, who seemed to not want me to get through them; I felt a tap on my shoulder. I turned around, and was not surprised when I saw Mike Newton standing behind me.

"Where you going, Cullen? Trying to find your lady friend?" Newton smiled and took a sip of his drink.

"None of your fucking business." I tried to maneuver my way through the crowd more, but couldn't. "So yeah, nice talking to you and stuff."

"What makes you think that our conversation is over?"

"The fact that I said it's over makes it over." I turned from Mike and thrust my shoulder into the guy standing in front of me, who ended up being the JV quarterback for FHS this year. Apparently he wasn't into causing trouble tonight, because he finally moved.

_All it took was a little violence to get these asswipes to move? Bring it on._

I kept shoving my shoulder into the kids in front of me, until I had crossed the room and was standing in the doorway out. _Fucking finally. _I didn't hesitate before I ran in the direction that I thought I saw Bella run off to. I saw someone I recognized from media class, and quickly righted myself before trying to calm my voice enough to talk.

"Hey, do you know where Bella Swan ran off to?" I asked frantically.

_I think that my heart is going to explode out of my chest with worry. _

"No, man. I think she went outside, maybe? She was really fucking out of it when she came blasting through here."

The kid from class pointed in the direction that he thought Bella went, and I thanked him before taking off running in that direction.

_Where did you go, Bella?_

**Bella POV**  
It was all going so swimmingly before the sharks came. How did they know where we would be? Swimmingly. Fantastic word. SSssss Wwwwww Iiiiiiii mmmmmmmmm ingly. Ingly. It feels like bugs on my tongue. Bugs! Save them, save them!

The moon was all glowy faced with a smile of despair. I had to find his soul. I know they took it and hid it away somewhere. I just had to figure it out, look in all the hidey holes. They would put it in a tree, cause that is where all the souls get put. Trees. Sporks had lots of trees. I had a lot of work.

This tree here, this tree is breathin' and whisperin'. Shhhhhhh Bella. What did it say? Eight doors down, two spins, five steps to the right. I hugged the tree for givin' me the secret. One... two... threeeee... Oh look! Tiny frogs with swirly backs! There was a story 'bout a frog and a princess.

There was sumethin' I was 'spossed to do.

Souls! Right. One... two... three... four... Is it 'spossed to be so cold? Glowy face moon was stealin' all the heat. Turn up the heat glowy face!

Five... six... BEAR! OooOOooo! I think he wants me to touch him. Just some steps. What do bears wear under their fur? Nekkid bears! Lemme tell you a story, bear! I know a story 'bout three of you and this little girl named Goldielockers. Oh, don't go... not finished.

Seven... Eight... Where did all the souls go? Who forgots to bring the worms? How will we live without the gummies? Don't you leave me too, glowy face. Who will sparkle in your place?

Spin wide... spin wide... this is the way the earth moves. It just doesn't stop. Never stopping. Please just a bit of stop, you're making my tummy spin too.

Five steps... one... two... three... four ... five ... gettin' kinda sleepy and 's-cold. Hello, tree. Other tree said you kept his soul safe. Can I have it? I'll keep it from breakin'. I'll return it clean and spiffy. Oh? There is a price? What does it cost? My heart? It is his.

Think I could share some space with you, tree? Spinning earth made my tummy spin and tiny frog wants to sing and bear wants to bellow and the sharks might find me.

I'll just dream here for a bit.

**Edward POV**

I ran from the house, searching the road for Bella. I don't know how long I walked before I started losing hope that I was going to find her.

_She has to be somewhere here. It's not like she jumped behind the wheel of a vehicle and drove home... she was wayyyyyy too fucked up to be able to do anything like that. Don't freak out, Edward, remember that she got a good head start on you, so obviously she was going to be ahead of you somewhere._

_She should be somewhere here...hopefully she didn't get into some stranger's vehicle._ _Fuck! What if she did?_ _You can't think of that. You have to keep walking._

I shivered, realizing for the first time that it was fucking freezing outside. _I hope that she is still wearing that hoodie that she was wearing earlier..._

A small lump lying on the side of the road in the ditch caught my attention, and I ran over to it.

_Fuck, it's Bella, isn't it? Fuck, fuck, fuck._

I walked closer, and realized that it was, indeed, Bella. Her eyes were closed and she appeared to be sleeping. She was covered in leaves and debris, and I was immediately scared about what could have happened to her before I found her. "Bella!" I called, running up to her still form. "Shit, Bella! Wake up! Open your fucking beautiful eyes!"

_Girl, unconscious on the side of the road? Doesn't look good. _

Bella mumbled a few incoherent words, causing relief to flood through my body. _She is breathing and at least able to understand that someone is talking to her._

The fact that my dad was a doctor finally paid off as my brain switched to its "being the rational son of a doctor" mode.

"Bella, are you hurt at all?"

"Sh-sh-shagy. Got y-your s-s-s-oul," she stuttered. Her eyes didn't open.

"Bella, I am fine. I am only worried about you, right now. Are you okay?"

"Ss-ssaid I had'ta p-pay with m-my heart, b-bb-but that yours anyway. S'cold, Sh-sh-ags."

_Fuck. She is freezing her ass off._

"Bella, can I pick you up? I need to get you out of here, I need to get you warm," I asked, pulling some of the leaves and debris off her tiny body.

Instead of answering me, Bella mumbled something about sharks and bears before she became really still. Even her shivering stopped.

_Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

_You have to get her warm, Edward. You have to get her home._

I didn't have a very thick jacket on, but I hoped that what I was wearing would help. I peeled it off my body and wrapped it around Bella before picking her up. And then I began the long walk back to my car.

XXX

By the time I had reached my car, I thought that my arms were going to fall off. Not because Bella was heavy by any means, but because I had been carrying Bella for so damn long. I mean, putting Bella down and running to my car to return to her was not an option, so my stubborn ass carried her the couple of miles back.

"Bella, we are at my car, baby. Bella, can you wake up?"

Bella's eyes fluttered open, but they stayed glassy. _Not normal Bella eyes at all. She still isn't okay, and there is no way in fucking hell I am leaving her side. _"Bella, I need to know what you want me to do. I want to take you home and take care of you, but I won't take you against your will. Tell me it's okay to take you to my home."

_I may hate Carlisle's guts, but there is a definite positive to him being a doctor and living under the same roof as me. If I monitor Bella while she is trying to sleep this off, and things take a turn for the worse, at least I know that I can turn to him to help Bella._

"Home," she whispered.

_I highly doubt that I can take her to her own house and stay by her side...considering how much Jasper hates my fucking guts right now. I am pretty sure that instead of caring for Bella at her house as I want to, I would have to fend off Jasper from kicking my ass or worse._

"My home or yours, Bella? Can I take you to my home?"

"Sha'home," she slurred.

"I am assuming that you mean, 'Shaggy's home'... so I am taking you with me."

Counting my blessings that I for some reason had left my car unlocked, I carefully shuffled Bella so I could open the car door. Once the door was open, I maneuvered her inside before bucking her up and walking around to the driver's side.

_Thank fucking God she is in my car, safe._

I did some arm stretches before I got into my car and drove me and my girlfriend home.

XXX

I slid into Casa de Cullen completely undetected. Once in my room, I debated for awhile over what I should do about Bella's clothing situation before settling on the most logical idea.

_Bella is still freezing cold. The best way to get her warm is to get her out of her clothes and use my body warmth to heat her._

I striped my beautiful girl down before stripping myself down and laid next to her, pulling the covers over us to keep us warm.

Part of me really wished that there were perverted thoughts running through my head as I was lying naked in bed next to Bella, but honestly, all I could think about was her well-being and how scary it was for her to be in the situation she was currently in. I folded her body into mine, trying to cover as much of her as possible with my thick blankets.

_She hadn't OD-ed on anything, had she? Was I stupid to not bring her to a hospital? I mean, you aren't around drugs often. You never see anyone get high enough to possibly OD on anything. Did what she take harm her in any way?_

I was about two seconds away from getting out of bed and dressing both myself and Bella and finding Carlisle before she started talking.

"Jazz..."

My heart sank, and for the first time, ever, I felt like I was going to cry.

_She talks about him in her sleep? How unfair is that? _

I felt myself start to pout. _I'm her fucking boyfriend, not him._

_Maybe she enjoys his company more. Maybe she really should just be with Jasper and she hasn't realized it yet._

"Jazz ... don't feel so good," she whispered before her body started to shake and heave.

_Shit, she is going to vomit!_

I got out of bed and grabbed the bucket that I kept in my closet for such occasions. _Yeah, I had a lot of sex before Bella came along. And to make that shit bearable, I had to drink a lot of fucking alcohol. Thus the hangover puke bucket._

I placed the bucket on the floor next to Bella and started rubbing her back while I held her hair back with my other hand.

Her vomit came out immediately, and what I saw horrified me. It was all kinds of different colors, and it was nothing like I had ever seen before.

_Oh Bella, what did you do tonight?_

She was heaving to the point where her entire body was shaking.

"It's okay, Bella. I've got you, baby."

Bella finally stopped puking and heaving, and I wiped my hand across her face before I rolled her back into a more comfortable position on the bed.

_Her forehead feels clammy. Maybe you should run a damp cloth over it?_

Once I returned from my en-suite bathroom with washcloth in hand, I heard some more noise coming from where Bella was lying.

She was crying.

_Oh, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck!_

I raced to her side and brushed some more hair off her forehead. "Baby, shhhh. What's wrong?"

"Shags, want Shags."

My heart swelled at that simple request. "I'm here, Bella. Shags is here."

Bella reached for me, and once she had me, she pulled me close. _This girl is surprisingly strong. Especially for being in her state right now._

I reached a hand out and caressed her face before placing a kiss on her forehead.

_Fuck me. This girl is... everything to me right now._

"Don't leave me, Shags. Don't leave," she whispered. Her tears trickled down her cheeks.

"I'm not leaving you, Bella." _Yeah, not now you aren't. Right now, there is nowhere else you would rather be._

"Can't feel you."

"I'm right here, baby. I am right here." _Painfully so, it seems. My non-existent, "I am afraid for Bella's health" boner just turned into a "Bella is asking for me in her sleep" boner. _I couldn't help but rub my penis onto Bella just a little.

_Just a little? You just raped her leg, dude._

But instead of being repulsed, or anything of that nature, Bella just snuggled into my side a little bit more.

Instead of being comforted that Bella was comfortable enough at my house to withstand my erection, I was brutally reminded that she normally had sleepovers with a man who may or may not grind his junk into her while they are sleeping.

_She probably thinks that you are Jasper, you idiot._

"Mmmmm... Shags... chased away all the sharks," she murmured.

_Okay, so maybe she knows that she is with you. _"I'm glad, B." I gently wrapped my arms around her and gave her a light hug. _I wish I could squeeze her and let her know that even though she is sleeping, she makes me the happiest I have ever been, ever, when I am with her._

"On flip side, Shags."

Since I had no idea what that meant, I snuggled into Bella and placed a gentle kiss on her forehead. She turned in her sleep so her head was on my chest and her leg was draped over my thigh. I could feel Bella's beautiful fucking kitty pressed up against my body.

_Must. Fight. Ejaculation. _

And then Bella mumbled something that, because I over-think everything, immediately shrunk my growing boner.

Because what she mumbled sounded a fucking lot like "I love you, Shags."

* * *

**E/N:**

**So, whaddya thing? Good? Bad? Ugly? Leave us a review, and Michelle will answer with a teaser for the amazing chapter 19! And trust us when we say…these chapters are getting intense, and the teasers are friggin amazing :)**

**Thank you SO much for reading! The little baby that is brewing in Michelle right now kicks out his thanks to you all!**


	19. On the Flip Side

**A/N: Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV) would like to thank their ridiculously amazing betas, imcarriej and TRDancer, for being saints and getting this little piece of hot mess edited and looking purdy enough to post.**

**We still own nothing (sadly). But the good news is that Paige and Michelle are posting like lunatics, trying to get to the point that they want to be before Michelle pops out her kid in (HOPEFULLY!) less than a month. So enjoy the ride, all! These next few chapters will be up soon! **

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* * *

****Bella POV**

Breathe in, breath out. Who put feather pillows in my mouth? What is that gourd awful taste? Did I call the dinosaurs last night? Why did I feel like flamin' bags of horse poop left out in the desert? When did my bed get so big?

I yawned and curled into the nekkid furnace that was keepin' me warm.

Whoa... Hold the show, llama lords. Somethin' ain't quite right here in the land of eye opening. I feel all nekkid. Why would I be nekkid with Jazz? Ruh roh... did I, did Jazz and I... No, we couldn't... could we?

Breathe in, breath out. Calm Bella. That was no Jazz smell. Jazz didn't smell like sexy happy. Jazz smelled like comfy slipper happy. Safe for a second.

"Fuck me," I whispered.

I was too fraidy the cat to open my eyes. What the fuck had I done? I remember going to Gothy Gert's, we set up some noms and pop, the pretty colour fairy came, Shags came, and then... and then... ooops. Was there an adventure? Brain Bella! BRAIN! There were trees, somethin' 'bout a frog, and there might have been a bear. Get a grip, Bella!

I opened one eye and waited for the cloudy mornin' to focus. Arms held me to a nekkid chest. I peeped up a smidge further and stared into the face of my Shags. His features were all soft in sleep and he had a half smile pullin' at his lips. I just wanted to watch him, to see his peepers move under his delicate eyelids as he was lost in dreams. I wanted my camera; I wanted to capture his peace. I gawked at him for a long time.

But another thought dawned on me...

JEBUS ON A TALK SHOW!

I'm nekkid in bed with a nekkid Shags. Oh good gourd! Why did it have to be under these conditions? Dinosaurs running amok in my yapper and my hair was probably all putzed up and then...

My eyes widened.

Shags lookin' after me last night while I spewed a rainbow and then cried in his arms. Probably thought I was turning Joplin on him. I groaned silently. Just what a new relationship needs, a wild woman who can't keep her shit together.

But he did look after me... saved me from the sharks and the frogs and the bears.

I watched him sleep so soundly, his arms protectin' me even though he was catchin' zzzzz's.

Despite how much I wanted to stay and wait for his Jolly Greens to open, I thought it best to sneaky pete out 'fore his parents got up and found me nekkid with their son. And before he saw Bellzilla.

I carefully extricated myself from his arms and slipped off the bed. I immediately found my lack of nearness to him disheartening. I wanted to be pressed up close to his warm skins, I wanted to kiss and touch all his bits. I wanted him to smile and whisper my name.

Instead I was huntin' for my clothes. I dressed as quick as I could, trying to brush off the leaves and junk without makin' a huge mess. I didn't have my phone, but I spotted Shags' phone on his desk. I scooped it up and bee-lined it to the potty room, ringin' up my Jazz as I went.

"Bells-a-bub, that better be you," he said sounding all gruffly balls.

"Yeah, Jazz, it's me."

"You ok, baby? I was worried about you when you didn't come home."

"Yeah, Shags took care of me. Listen, think you could come pick me up?"

"Where are you, Bells-a-bub?"

"Shags' shack. I'll wait for you outside. Just, just come quick, k?"

"Be there in two shakes, Bells-a-bub."

I pressed the button to end the call and poked my head back into the room. Shags was all sprawled out on the bed looking even better than when I had left. I seriously wished I had my camera, he was so beautiful. I stalked forward till I was inches from his bed and squatted down.

When you ain't in Rome, you gotta make do. I used his phone to snap a picture of him and then sent it to myself. There, moment captured. I brushed my lips over his temple, replaced his phone and left the room as silently as I could.

I quietly crept down the stairs, hopin' my ninja skills would kick in and the elephants runnin' through my brains wouldn't holler at anyone and give me away. I had only been to Shags' shack twice before, so I was hopin' I could remember my way out. It would be my luck to get stuck in this massive labyrinth of a house and get caught up by Momma C or Dr. Pops. Ugh, especially Dr. Pops. I don't think I could battle him this mornin'.

If I wasn't mistaken, ahead of me would be the kitchen, and then FREEDOM! Ok, lookin' good... lookin' good. Just a few more steps...

"Well, good morning, Ms. Bella."

Uht oh .. "Uhm mornin', Momma C." I had no idea what to expect. I mean, I knew Momma C was cool and all, but I also knew she was a wicked smart cookie and probably knew I didn't sleep on the sofa or somethin'. So I waited... was either gunna be a lecture or somethin' my brain couldn't quite brain yet.

She shook her head and smiled. "Did you want breakfast, dear?"

"Oh, breakfast. Yeah. See, my tummy is kinda squirmy right now. I don't think the orange group would go down so well, or really any of the groups." In fact, if I ate anything right now I might spew chunks and my tummy was still hurting from last night's barf-a-rama.

"Something to drink, then? I know that when Edward is hungover, he needs his fluids. A Gatorade, perhaps? I know that we have one that is orange flavored."

"That would be the shi.. uhm... good. Thanks, Momma C."

Momma C rooted through the fridge and handed me an orange coloured Gatorade. I smiled my thanks, opened it and took small sips. There was no way I was gunna spew in front of Momma C. No way at all.

"I was just gunna wait outside for Jazz..."

"Nonsense, dear. You can wait in here, with me." She motioned to the kitchen island and pulled out a stool for me.

"I just didn't wanna interrupt your breakfast or anything," I said sitting hesitantly.

"You are interrupting nothing." She took a sip from her coffee mug. "Now, I hate to be blunt...but what has you here at the house this fine Sunday morning?"

"Well, I guess that's a bit of a story. Shags and I were at a party last night, and I kinda over indulged as it were. So I guess he brought me back here. Don't worry though, Momma C, no hanky panky went on ... I think."

She laughed and shook her head. "I'm not worried, Ms. Bella. I know you are on the pill, remember?" She let out another laugh and took another drink from her cup. "Well, I am glad that Edward brought you back here, then. Is he in as rough of shape as you?"

"I dunno. He's..." I paused, "still kinda sleepin'."

"Aww, you left while he was sleeping?" She teasingly tisked me.

"Well, I... I'm not looking too fucktastic at the moment and at some point a dinosaur died in my mouth. I just don't want him to see me all freak show."

"I'm sure he wouldn't have cared." She reached out and stroked my arm.

"I dunno if he would wanna see me this mornin' ... some silly twit who got high and drunk and barfed all over."

"Barfed all over, huh? Edward has been there himself many times. I mean, I can't even begin to tell you about all of the mornings I have walked into his room and had to check if he still had a pulse," she said, shaking her head. "But Bella, I know that he would want to see you this morning, even if you puked all over him _and _all of his prized possessions last night. Which I am sure you did not do."

"I just dunno if I can do it this mornin'." I was scared, scared that my universe had turned him off. I knew the party was outside his normal, but then the populars had shown up - sharks in the tank. Everything was supposed to have been good, but it didn't turn out that way. The lotus got fucked.

"Well, it's up to you, hon. All I know is that I have a son up there that thinks the world of you. Don't forget that, okay? I know that he has his stupid moments...which are understandable, because he _is _a man. Can't expect him to be perfect, can we? Because then he would be a woman." Esme laughed to herself, twirling her coffee cup around the island's granite slab.

"Your Shags... my Shags, he's..." I stopped and smiled. "He's my other half - souls knitted together."

Momma C smiled and leaned across the island to hug me. "Oh, Bella. I am so glad that he has you."

I could hear Landau comin' up the drive which meant that my Jazz was here.

"Could you tell Shags that I lo...uhm... that I'll chitter chat with him later?" Whoa monkeys. Love him. Yeah, I knew I loved him, but that... that was the heavy and we were too soon into this for the lurve word. I gave Momma C a smile and a silent thanks for the Gatorade.

"I will do that, Bella." She gave me another hug, squeezing me extra tight.

"Thanks, Momma C."

I exited the kitchen and popped around the side of Shags' shack to where Jazz was waitin' for me. He didn't look none too happy, but at the same time relieved that I was okay. I crawled into the familiar comfort of Landau and waited for my Jazz to take me home.

**Edward POV**

_My dream was simple, really. It starred a very naked and beautiful Bella, and she and I were lying on a blanket in the meadow behind my house. Just as I was going to brush a piece of hair from her eyes, she grabbed my hand. _

_"I love you, Edward," she said._

_"I...I don't believe in love, Bella," I replied._

_I watched as she got up and stared down at me. "Then you can't be a part of my universe, Shags."_

_And I watched in horror as she walked away, not looking back once._

I opened my eyes with a start, trying to remember where I was. It was then that I realized that I was lying on my side, facing the wall opposite of where Bella would be sleeping.

I rolled over in bed, fully expecting to be met by my beautiful girlfriend's gorgeous body. But instead of feeling any part of Bella, I was met by empty space.

I frantically sat up in bed, scanning my empty bedroom for any trace of Bella.

There was not a trace of Bella left in the room; she was gone, along with her clothes.

_Of course she is gone, you idiot. You probably humped her in her sleep and freaked her the fuck out._ _Or maybe she heard you mumble "I don't believe in love" in your sleep and she ran away from you._

I ran to my closet to put on clothes, hoping the entire time that Bella had just left my bedroom and that I would be able to catch her before she left my house.

_Aren't you the king of wishful thinking?_

I ran into the hallway and down the stairs, keeping my eyes peeled for Bella. I frantically jogged around my house for a few moments before I realized that Bella was, indeed, gone.

_Bella left. Without saying goodbye, too, which...hurts. A lot._

"Oh, fuck!" I exclaimed as I turned to walk back to my room and grab my phone and call Bella.

"Edward, is that you?" Esme called from the kitchen.

"Yeah, um." _I would really like to chat right now, mom, but I need to get upstairs, find my phone, and call my girlfriend to see what made her mumble "I love you" one moment and bolt from my bed the next._

"If you are looking for Bella, darling, she already left. About, uh, an hour or so ago?"

I felt my heart sink. _Not only did Bella leave, but your mom got to see her before she took off? Not fair. Not fair at all._

"Judging by your silence, I am assuming that you were doing exactly that. Why don't you come into the kitchen and help me make you some breakfast and we can talk about it?"

I scrubbed a hand over my face but stayed rooted to my spot in the hallway as I yelled back to my mom, who was still in the kitchen. "I am not in the mood to be bitched at for Bella spending the night last night, Es."

"I know, Edward. And I wasn't planning on yelling at you." She paused, and I could hear the clinking of dishes. "Now, come on. If you look anything like what your poor Bella looked like this morning, you definitely need some food in your stomach."

I sighed, and acquiesced to my mother's pleas as I walked into the kitchen. _That woman definitely knows that the way to a man's heart is food, doesn't she?_

"Good morning, sweetheart." Esme leaned in for a hug and kiss on the cheek. "You definitely don't look as rough as your beautiful girlfriend did this morning."

"No, I would imagine not."

"And why is that, Edward? From what I know about your partying ways - and don't think that I turn a complete blind eye to that - you are what is considered a borderline binge drinker, am I right?"

I shrugged and walked over to the coffee pot. I grabbed a mug, filled it up, and took a big gulp of black coffee. "I guess? I don't know. Last night was about Bella, and, well, she overdid it, maybe?" I took another sip of coffee as Esme looked at me expectantly.

_Damnnnn...this coffee is good. Seriously good._

"And I guess that instead of getting wasted," _because I don't feel the need to get wasted to be in Bella's company the way I did when I was around others, _"I felt the need to take care of Bella last night, okay?" I finished, looking at my mom with weary eyes.

"You. You took care of Bella last night?" Esme shook her head. "Okay, so that explains why she looked so rough this morning."

"Not funny, Mom." I walked over to the kitchen island and sat down at one of the chairs.

"You know what is funny, baby?"

I shook my head and quirked an eyebrow.

"That Bella sat in that exact seat this morning."

I put my coffee mug down on the counter top. "How was Bella this morning, Esme? Was she okay? Did she look okay? Or did she look like she was, like, in pain?"

"In pain, Edward? Don't be so dramatic. She looked...well, she looked like she has seen better days. But I bribed her with an orange Gatorade, she drank the whole thing, and I am pretty sure that she looked _a little_ better before she left."

"Really?"

"Really." My mom reached across the island to grab my hand. "It's okay, baby. She's fine."

My mom moved around the kitchen, grabbing the ingredients to make biscuits and gravy. _The Esme Cullen hangover cure._

"You know, Edward, I have never seen you get so...worried about someone before."

I drank the last of the coffee in my cup before I got up to refill my mug again. "Bella's my girlfriend, Esme. What did you expect?"

"Girlfriend. Yeah, that's still different, coming from your mouth."

"Tell me about it."

Esme grabbed a frying pan. "It's good though, don't you think? It's like...you are maturing or something. Finally outgrowing the vile population of Forks, and coming into your own."

"Maturing? You think that because I can finally find myself with a girlfriend, that I am maturing?" I shook my head. "Esme, I am not dating Bella because I think it's 'time' to date or something. I am dating her because she is...Bella. Smart, beautiful, 'marches to the beat of her own drum' Bella."

My mom started baking up some biscuits before tilting her head and looking at me. She finally smiled and bit her lip. "My goodness, Edward. You sound like..." she trailed off.

I raised my eyebrows. "I sound like...?" I questioned, taking a sip of my coffee.

She smiled again. "You sound like you are in love."

What she said took me by surprise, and I abruptly spit out the coffee that I had in my mouth. Wiping my face with the back of my hand, I glared at my mom. "Yeah, uh, I don't believe in love, Esme. Pretty sure you know this."

"Oh, don't give me that bullshit, Edward. You just didn't believe before because you never found someone - other than your family, of course - that was worthy of any kind of love."

"I don't want to talk about this right now."

"Oh really? When do you think is a good time, Edward? When you freak the girl out by telling her that you don't love her after she spills her heart to you? When you feed her a line of bullshit by telling her that you don't believe in love?"

_What the fuck. Seriously. Is she like, reading my mind? How could she...?_

"That's not going to happen."

"Like hell it's not."

"What do you even know, Esme?"

"I have two eyes, baby. And I know what I see when I look at the two of you. Bella wears her heart on her sleeve; she has nothing to hide. Surely you see this, Edward?"

_Yes, I do. And I heard it last night, too. I think. _"No."

"Bullshit!"

"Bullshit, my ass, Esme! You know what? There is nothing like that going on between the two of us. We are just...having a fling of some sort."

"A fling?" She laughed humorlessly. "This is anything but that, for either of you, Edward."

"You have no idea what you are talking about."

"Yes, I do. And baby, I love you; I really do., but you are such a fucking dumbass right now."

"Stop spouting out shit about something that you have no clue about."

"No clue? Can you seriously not see that Bella looks at you like I look at your father?"

I shook my head furiously. "And this is what I am talking about. Because if she looks at me the way you look at Carlisle, I don't want anything to do with it. Love isn't real, Esme. It's a fucking chemical imbalance that causes people to marry fucking asshole douchebags who don't deserve them."

_...Kinda like what would happen if you married Bella. Some day she would realize that she made the worst mistake in her life ever having you in her universe, and she would leave your ass the way Esme should leave Carlisle. Plain and simple._

"You are so bitter, Edward. It would be best for you to knock that fucking attitude off and to stop comparing yourself to your father. You aren't him, baby. And you do have the capability to love, because you love Bella. You will see some day that your relationship with Bella isn't you just wanting to get your rocks off, and it isn't just you enjoying the time that you have with her. It is love, Edward. And it's love for her too, baby."

"I've...I've got to go." I pushed myself away from the kitchen island and ignored Esme's pleas to come back as I ran away from my mother.

I ran upstairs, having not eaten breakfast. _I just couldn't listen to Esme's "all-knowing" voice anymore, because this was one time she didn't know what she was talking about._

Even after all of the bullshit that Esme had told me, I was still curious as to how Bella was doing. I rushed up to my room and grabbed my cell phone, immediately dialing Bella.

"'ullo?" a groggy sounding Bella answered.

"Bella," I breathed out, relieved to finally hear her voice again. "How...how are you?"

"Much better after banishin' the dinosaurs and showerin'. Must have been catchin' some zzzz's. How 'bouts you, Shags?"

"Better now that I have had some time to digest the fact that you left my place this morning without saying goodbye." _My God, you are such a baby! You would think that your convo with your mother would have tamed your punk ass down._

"You were sleepin', Shags, and I didn't wanna wake you up."

_That's not an excuse. _"Oh, I didn't know that sleep was so important. I just woke you up, right? Should I let you go so you can get back to bed?"

_And now Mr. Crankypants is coming out to play. Regardless, that was a low blow, Edward, and even you know that._

"No, no, Shags. I just... ok honest?"

"What do you mean, Bella?"

"I left 'cause I felt like bags of arseholes and I looked like bags of arseholes and I didn't want Momma C or Dr. Pops to know I was there; and most of all I was red cheeked that you had to take care of me like that. I mean, I totally appreciate that you did, but I should have been better for you."

"That is...what the hell, Bella? I don't care what you looked like, okay? And who the fuck gives a shit about the fact that I took care of you? Isn't that what boyfriends do, or something?"

"I've never had a boyfriend before, Shags, but I don't think they are supposed to hold your hair while you have a hurl an' sob fest. I wasn't brainin'. I should have been a better guide."

"Why did you get so wasted last night, B?"

"Expanding my consciousness was nuthin' new, and maybe nerves expanded it more than it should. I don't really know where the booze came in. I was thirsty and one of the sharks gave it to me. I'm so sorry, Shags."

I frowned. "I really don't give a shit, Bella. I am just glad that I was there to help you when you needed it." I frowned again, letting Bella's words settle in a bit more. "Why were you nervous?"

"I was nervous that you wouldn't like my peeps, that you didn't think our universes could mesh."

"I think that it is your peeps that don't like me, to be honest."

"They just don't know you like I do. I'm sure the more you hang, the more they will see and like. This was just one shin-dig." She was silent a moment. "Why did the sharks come?"

_She keeps saying that she knows me, but does she really? I mean, _I _know me...and I don't think that there is much to like, let alone love. I am the son of Carlisle, after all. Why is she so naive? I can't say that it bothers me that she is naive right now, because I fucking benefit from it, I guess...but still._

I took a deep breath, trying to banish the thoughts that were swimming around my head. "You mean the football players? Those who the sharks are? I have no fucking idea why they came last night."

"I thought maybe you might have invited them."

"Seriously?" My brow furrowed in confusion. "Why would I do that?"

"I dunno. Jazz seems to think that you did. A few of the sharks apparently mentioned your name. Guess they busted up Gothy Gert's shack somewhat."

I felt my head begin to pound. "They busted up her house? Seriously? What happened, Bella? Do I need to...I don't know...give her some money or something? God damn assholes, I should have known that they were up to something. And I can't believe that you would think that I invited them over to bust her shit up."

I wanted to simultaneously beat someone up and cry. _Since when did you become such a pussy, Edward? For fucking real?_

"Jazz just said that they busted up some stuff and put some holes in the walls. I'd never think that you'd invite them over to bust up her house, but maybe you wanted some of your peeps there to be more comfortable; that I would get."

"I had nothing to do with anyone coming over last night..."

"Okay, I believe you, Shags."

_I wish you believed without me having to plead with you to believe me. _A few moments of silence passed between us as I silently pouted for absolutely no reason.

_Can you honestly blame Bella for not automatically thinking that you were innocent as far as the mayhem that happened last night? You yourself keep reminding yourself that you aren't worth it, right?_

"I really am sorry for bailin' on you this mornin'. And I owe you an orange Gatorade."

"You don't owe me anything, Bella."

"I feel like I do."

"But you don't. Seriously. Just, uh, promise me that you won't leave like that again, huh? That was seriously an ego deflator, and I don't know how many more of those I can take." _I mean, I can only take being a pussy for so long, right?_

"I promise, Shags. I won't ever leave you like that again. Ever."

Something about that statement made me melt. _Made you melt? Seriously?_

_But truthfully, there is no other way to explain it. Something about Bella promising that she won't leave me just...melts me._

"I think that we could have spent a nice morning in bed, Bella. You deprived both of us of that."

_...And there we go. The sentimental side was just shut off in lieu of my ever present horny side._

"You were feelin' mighty good too..." I could tell she was smiling on the other end.

"Wish I was able to remember what you felt like pressed up against my body." _I spent the majority of my time scared shitless about your health versus relishing in our naked skin being pressed together._

"Mmmmm... you know the rules, Shags. Get that project done and you can get all the memories you want."

"Why do you keep putting rules down regarding the project? It seems to me that you just...don't want to have sex with me, and it has nothing to do with the project."

_These God damn rules are really fucking getting to me, especially when they seem to be made for no reason._

"Oh, Shags, I wanna ride you 'till you are broken, but I know that if we start, nothin' else will get done."

"I'm not thirteen, Bella. I know how to balance my life with sex."

_Okay, so maybe that may be a little fib...because I have never had sex with someone like you before. It is quite easy to blow Lauren Mallory off because she is Lauren Mallory; it's a totally different story when it is someone who I actually find attractive enough to get a boner over._

"But I don't. You'll be my addiction, Shags."

_Melt. I just melted again. How is it that one person is able to make me feel something I have never felt before? I mean, what the fuck is melting, anyways? _

_I don't know, but I just did it. For the second time today._

_Start thinking about something else, Edward. Sex. Think about sex. Again. That gets your mind off things for a second, doesn't it?_

"Have you been addicted to sex before, Bella?"

"No, but no one has given me the tinglies before or made my blood squisher squish quite like you have."

_I want to think about how fucking amazing that made me just feel, but instead, I will just think about sex. And naked Bella. And naked Bella's fucking fantastic breasts. And sex._

"I think we could find a balance, B. And I think that you should come over right now and make up for the time that I missed out on this morning."

"Oh no you don't, Shags! No playin' the tempter."

I could hear her shifting around on her bed. The squeaking of the bed springs was driving me absolutely crazy with want. "Tempter? Me? You are the one rolling around on your bed, provoking me."

"Oh? And what do you think I'm doin' shiftin' around on my bed?"

"Begging me to come over."

"Guess again."

_Do I even want to know? _"I have no idea, Bella." _It better have nothing to do with Jasper. Swear to fucking God._

"You aren't very imaginative, Shags."

"On the contrary, I am quite imaginative...I just don't want to imagine what you are doing to yourself when it should clearly be me doing it for you. I mean, you can flick the bean...I can lick it for you."

"Well, Shags, I'm gunna go continue what I've just started and you should put some serious thought into our project 'cause I'd rather you be doin' somethin' other than lickin'."

Before I was able to respond in any way, Bella let out a breathy moan and hung up.

_Fuck me._

I immediately ran over to my backpack and riffled through it, looking for my media class paperwork. Finding the class syllabus, I scanned the sheet until I hit the section on the media project.

_Bingo._

_I am gonna make sure that we finish this project as soon as fucking possible. Because honestly, I don't think that mini-Eddie can handle another day like today.

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**E/N: Review if you liked it! Review if you hated it! Review if you want a teaser! Because every wonderful and perfect little reviewer gets a teaser****…and we all want one of those, right?**

**Right?**

**Hehe.**

**(****Yeah, Michelle is a review whore. But you guys gotta understand…it's the only kind of whoring that she is allowed to do right now! :P)**


	20. And It Isn't Even Wednesday

**A/N: Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV) don't own a darn thing related to Twilight. But their amazingly awesome Betas, TRDancer and imcarriej, own them. Seriously.**

**IMPORTANT: To all of you who reviewed last chapter, and I was not able to respond with a teaser…I AM SO SORRY! Life has been so crazy, and I was busy working on chapter 22…and I didn't know that chapter 20 would be beta-d and up on Twi so fast…SO, because I clearly suck at life, I am going to dedicate this chapter's posting on fanfiction to all of you who didn't get your teaser. Thank you so much for your reviews, **TexasTwilight77, Fanoffiction247, whiplashes, , savannavansmutsmut, katmiles77, westernem, kitkat681, EverlastingMuse, flyrbrd, redbella, PatchsFallenAngel, ladyglaukopis, Detochkina, and Siko187! **You all are amazing for leaving us feedback here. We 3 you hard, each and every one of you!**

**And on another note…because of my advanced baby-building, Paige and I have been kicking these chapters out so we are able to get to the point in the story that we want to be before my little son joins this world! So be warned… :)**

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****E****dward POV**

I pulled up in front of Bella's house on Monday and waited patiently for her to emerge from the house.

When she finally walked out of the house looking absolutely amazing, I practically had to hold my breath to stop myself from going crazy.

_Calm yourself down, Cullen. Remember what she did last night? Got you all fucking hard and then hung up on you? Because that was fun._

_Or not._

"Morning," I said to her as she got into the car. I made sure not to make direct eye contact with her, instead focusing on my car's windshield.

_Because what you did last night was dirty. And mean. And fucking hot. But I am still kinda peeved over it._

"Mornin', Shags," she said, leaning over to kiss my cheek. "Mmmmm... you smell good." Her lips trailed from my cheek to my ear to that tender spot just under my jaw.

_Don't fall for it, man. She is just playing with you to see how hard you get. _"Yeah, uh, you smell good too. Make sure to buckle up."

Bella looked at me, her features falling a bit, showing me that she was hurt by my brush-off. _Can you blame me, Bella? I mean, shit, I may tease; but I at least have the intention to follow through._

_But you could stop acting like a petulant child. I mean seriously, act a little bit more mature, Edward._

"Just want my beautiful," I leaned in and placed a kiss on Bella's mouth, "girlfriend," kiss, "to be safe is all." She moaned into my mouth, trying to make each kiss deeper.

_You don't want to be hard for class, man. Especially when you are walking in with Bella; there will be no time to get it down. _

_Fuck!_

"Uhm, Bella? Isn't the Chief or Jasper home?"

"Jazz went to pick up Pixie and the Fuzz is already at work."

_Well there goes that excuse. _"Ah, okay then." I desperately looked at the clock, hoping that there wasn't enough time for me to ravish Bella the way that I wanted to. Luckily (or unluckily) for me, I needed to drive Bella and I to school before we were late.

_Since when do we give a fuck about being late? Especially when it comes to Bella?_

"Look at the time! Gotta get us to school, huh?" _Yes, I am a vagina. I freely admit it._

"Yeah, McEducation. Good thing you're drivin', Shags, 'cause I don't think I could keep my hands to myself today." To prove her point she shifted her body toward me and ran her hands over my shoulder and chest and then up the side of my neck, massaging gently.

_Gulp. _"Wh-why, Bella? Why can't you keep your hands to yourself?"

"Good dreams last night," she murmured as her hand slid from my neck, down my side and landed on my thigh.

"Really? I had shit dreams last night." I pulled onto the road, trying to focus on something other than my cock tease of a girlfriend who was currently rubbing my thigh and was getting dangerously close to my cock.

_Pussy! You are a Goddamn idiot for not pulling over the car and taking advantage of Bella right now! What the fucking fuck, Edward?_

Bella started kissing my neck now, unbuttoning my jeans with each kiss.

_Fuck me. I am seriously going to fucking crash this car._

She unbuckled her seat belt and fully turned, positioning herself over the center console. She gently pulled my cock out of my boxer briefs and smiled up at me before licking the head.

"Fuuuuck, Bella. What the...? Are you trying to kill me? Kill us?"

"Relax, Shags," she whispered. Her lips slid further down on my cock, taking more of me into her mouth as her tongue kept up a swirly motion.

"Re-re-relax? I...?"

"Mmmmmm..." she moaned as she licked and sucked me. Her head bobbed as she found a steady rhythm.

After yesterday's pent up aggression and Bella's totally fucking hot display this morning, I couldn't help but feel my release come only mere moments into the fucking fantastically amazing blowjob.

_Thank God. You can't drive when you have Bella's mouth attached to your cock, man. It just...is a road hazard._

"Baby, I...ung, I...I'm gonna cum."

She moaned again and the pressure of her mouth and tongue increased, teasing me, swallowing me. My knuckles turned white as I gripped the steering wheel with all the strength I had.

_Need to focus on the road._

Her tongue pressed hard against the underside of my head and I growled as I ejaculated into her mouth. My entire body shook with the effort to maintain focus. She licked me clean with little kitten licks and then tucked me back away, buttoning my jeans.

She sat back in her seat smiling, put her seatbelt on, and looked at me while licking her lips.

"I love the taste of Shags in the morning."

I didn't have anything that I could say to that, so I kept my eyes on the road until we were pulling into the school parking lot. "I...fuck, that was dangerous, Bella. Amazing, but really, really dangerous. I don't know what I would have done if something happened and you were hurt..."

_WOW! You just get a fucking fantastic blowjob and that is how you thank her? For fucking real?_

"You're really kinda uptight today, Shags. Need me to do that again? Loosen you up?"

_Yes. Again, and again, and again. _I ran a hand over my face and sighed. "No, Bella." _Yes. Yes! I want it again! What the fuck is your fucking problem? _"I just didn't sleep very well, and I am kind of on edge. I'm sorry for being 'gruff balls'."

"S'okay. Sorry you didn't sleep so good. Hopefully that helped make you relax a bit."

"Relax? After getting dangerous road head? Uhm, yeah."

"Dangerous? You did fine, Shags. Besides, I thought your drivin' skills were incredible and not to be faulted? Isn't that what you told me once?" She was teasing me.

"It is true," I said, cracking a smile for the first time this morning. "But having my fuck-hot girlfriend blow me while I am driving is a little different of a situation that could affect even my amazing fucking driving skills."

"Good to know! Ready for classes?"

I smiled, appreciating Bella's flawless execution of changing subjects. "Yeah, I guess." I reached out and brushed aside some hair that had fallen into her face. "I am especially ready for our media class."

"You start brainin' 'bout that?"

"I don't have a choice, now do I?"

"Nope!" she grinned.

"I don't know why you are grinning. I mean, it isn't a funny situation to leave your poor boyfriend that you not only abandoned without a word in the morning but also hung up on him when you started talking about...masturbating." _Stop talking, Edward! You are not only going to give yourself a boner again, but you are going to make yourself look like a moody jackass._

"I needed to give you some sort of motivation to work, Shags."

"But that wasn't motivation. That was cruel and unusual punishment, B."

"But did you work on it at all?"

"I told you that I was prepared for class, didn't I?"

"Well then, mission accomplished!"

"Ha, ha. Don't sound so smug about it. Do you know what had to happen to get that mission accomplished?" _My poor, mini Eddie. Poor little deprived guy. I mean, yeah, he got attention today. But yesterday? Yesterday he was very, very sad._

"Blue balls?" She smiled mischievously.

"I don't know how you can smile about that. Don't you care about me, at all? I mean, I am kind of your boyfriend...I would hope that you would care about my balls."

"Mmm, I do, Shags. Didn't I just help you out?"

"Yes, you did." _But it doesn't matter. It mattered yesterday, but today...just felt like a cheap peace offering or something._

_Maybe, despite my male anatomy, I am a woman with her period. Because why else would I feel like this right now?_

"A'ight. Let's go, Shags. If I bail on algebra one more time I'ma gunna get my arse whopped." She kissed me and got out of the car, grabbing her bag at the same time. She waited for me, smiling and entwined our fingers when I was close.

_I still don't know why I am so upset right now. I mean, road head should have left me seriously satisfied._

_But it didn't. There was something more to it that I just couldn't put my finger on. _

XXX

The school day was taking it's sweet ass time passing by. Finally, _thankfully_, it was lunch time.

_At least my emo ass can see Bella now._

But I couldn't find Bella anywhere. She wasn't in the lunchroom, wasn't in the woods right outside the door, wasn't in the darkroom, wasn't...anywhere.

_She didn't go home, did she? She would have contacted me somehow and told me, right?_

_Is she okay? Did something happen to her? Where could she be? Should I skip the rest of school and drive to her house to see if she is there? What if she isn't there? What if she is at the hospital or something?_

_Dude, Edward, relax. Just because you can't find her on campus doesn't mean that she was gang raped and left for dead in a gutter or something. Calm the fuck down, man. Just walk calmly around campus, and I am sure you will find her eventually._

I walked aimlessly throughout campus, looking for my Bella, before I remembered that there was one place that I hadn't checked on yet - the little patch of woods that we smoked weed in last year.

Deciding that was the last place that I was going to look for Bella, I headed over there. I reached the spot right before the little patch of woods right before the bell was set to ring.

And out stumbled Bella and Jasper.

My heart started beating furiously. Bella and Jasper were walking, hand in hand, looking very affectionate with each other.

Bella's hair was mussed up and she looked very disheveled. _Kind of like she does when she gets a good orgasm from you._

I swallowed thickly as I watched the two of them, who were still unaware that I was fucking spying. Quickly hiding behind a tree so they wouldn't see me (_like the creepy spy that I am_), I watched in absolute fucking horror as Jasper leaned in, caressed Bella's cheek with his free hand, and kissed Bella on the lips.

_Those lips. The ones that had been wrapped around my dick only hours before...he kissed those lips._

_My lips. Those are my fucking lips._

I ground my teeth together so hard that my jaw immediately hurt as soon as I stopped tensing up.

_Why would she do that to me? She knows how I feel about her and Jasper, does she not?_

I felt betrayed; I felt fucking angrier than I could ever remember being.

_I have to get out of here; I have to get to class._

I walked the halls of FHS, fucking seething.

_How could she? How could Bella do this to me?_

I sat at my desk in media class, waiting for Bella to show up.

_Maybe she won't even show. Maybe her and Jasper are just going to skip class today and go home and fuck instead. You know how fucking touchy-feely she was this morning...maybe Jasper just took advantage of the fact._

_And made her cum like there was no tomorrow._

_Gah! _I ran a hand through my hair in frustration and stared at the board in front of me.

Bella strolled into class just as the bell was about to ring. She was clearly high as a kite and smelled like patchouli and pot.

Normally the smell would have comforted me, but all I could think of was Jasper's lips on my property.

_Bella's lips - and body - are fucking mine._

"Hey, Shags. Sorry 'bout lunch. Totally forgot that Jazz wanted to chitter-chat 'bout somethin'." Her voice held the same mellow tone it always did when she had smoked a joint.

"Chitter-chat? Is that what you call it?" I felt my jaw tense up in anger once again.

"Yeah, he chittered and I chatted. Easier than writin' notes back 'n forth."

I pinched the bridge of my nose and squinted my eyes. "Why, Bella? Why did you do it?" _Why wasn't I enough for you? Why did you have to go to Jasper when you said you wouldn't?_

"Do what, Shags? I'm confused." Her brows furrowed as she thought. "Why did I chitter-chat? Not write notes? I don't get it. I do want some gummies though."

_Why is she acting so innocent? _

_Well, smartass. You didn't see anything, really, so you technically don't know that she did something with Jasper. Except for that mother fucking kiss. _

"I saw you kiss Jasper," I said, as calmly as I possibly could.

_Why does my chest hurt? Why does it feel like there is a thousand pounds of bricks piled up on top of it?_

She looked as though she were replaying the event over. "Yeah, he was sayin' bye. He and Pixie are goin' somewhere after school and he won't be back 'til late."

"And a kiss - on the lips - was the way you decided to say good bye. How do you guys say hello? A boob grab?"

"Don't you kiss to say 'bye in your family?" She waited a moment for me to respond. "Or wait, is this 'cause it is my Jazz?"

"It's cause I don't kiss anyone on the mouth, to say goodbye or not. The only person I do that to is...you, Bella. You are the only person I kiss on the lips. The only person that I want to kiss on the lips."

It was at that moment that our incredibly late teacher walked into the classroom and shushed us all, calling our attention to the front of the room before starting class.

_Good. I don't want to talk to Bella anymore, anyways. Not if she is going to do...that to me. Not if she is going to go back on her word and make me share her with Jasper._

From the corner of my eye I could see her writing something on a piece of paper. She shoved it on my desk. I looked at the pizza menu she had written on.

**Why are you so mad 'bout this. Was just a kiss. No makin' out. How we say bye. ~ B**

**So let's say that Lauren and I say "bye" with a quick little handjob. How would that make you feel? - E**

**Kissin' and handjobs are not even the same. -B**

She stood up, plunked the note on my desk, and grabbed her bag.

"Fuck this shit," she said, shaking her head as she stormed out of class.

"Ms. Swan?" Mr. Marcus called out after her.

"I, uh, don't feel so great. Gotta go to the nurse," I called out to Mr. Marcus, grabbing my things together quickly. I stood up and headed to the front of the classroom, following Bella.

"OOOohh! Cullen's got his period; he must be cramping!" someone in the back of the class called out. I ignored the comment, the responding laughter in the classroom, and the calls of Mr. Marcus as I ran out the door to find Bella.

"Bella!" I yelled out to an empty hallway. "Bella, where are you?"

I looked around school before quickly giving up, deciding that she most likely had walked home. _Maybe I could intercept her on the road or something._

Except she wasn't on the road. By the time I had driven to her house, I still hadn't spotted her.

_You know what? She shouldn't be angry at you. It's not like you are the one that got caught kissing someone on the mouth. You're going to wait for her to come home to confront her, because this is fucking bullshit._

I tapped my hands on my steering wheel, looking absently out of my windshield.

Time went by, I'm not too sure how much did, actually; when finally I saw Bella's form emerge from the woods.

_Walked through the woods, huh Bella? You didn't want me to find you, did you?_

She stopped a moment seeing me in the car, shook her head and stomped up her front porch and into the Chief's house. She left the front door open. _An invitation?_

I followed her before even questioning my actions. _What if she didn't want me to follow her? What if she left the door open just so she could slam it in my face?_

But she didn't slam the door in my face. In fact, she walked into the house and up to her bedroom. After I shut the front door behind me, I followed her like a little lost puppy dog, unsure of what all of this meant, but still mad as hell about what had transpired. Once I reached her room, Bella dropped her book bag on her bed before turning to face me.

"What the fuck, Shags! I don't get this." She was clearly frustrated and ticked off.

"What the fuck is right, Bella. You ditch on me during lunch for Jasper, whom you kiss on the lips and think it is okay? What else have you been doing, Bella?"

"I told you he wanted to chitter-chat with me. And that else do you think we were doin'? Hmmm? Why can't you trust me? Why can't you take my word?"

"It's not that I don't...trust you," _you kinda don't though, dude, _"it's that I don't trust _him_." I took a step closer to Bella.

"Don't trust him to what, Shags? I told Jazz the rules and he is respectin' them. I can't have you freakin' out every time he touches me innocently."

"Innocently? Kissing on the lips is not innocent, and I highly doubt that he hasn't tried more."

"It was innocent! That's how we do things ... how we have always done things - Jazz, my mom, me." In a heartbeat she was in front of me. "This is an innocent kiss." She brushed my lips quickly, giving me the same sort of kiss I had seen her give Jasper. "And this is not." She pressed her mouth hard to mine, forcing her tongue between my lips and then withdrawing... my bottom lip between her teeth. "That's the fuckin' difference."

I was awestruck, completely unexpecting of the new developments.

_Okay, that was fucking hot. So now, along with me being utterly pissed off, I am hard as fucking hell._

Bella's actions, combined with the sheer fucking rage that was coursing through my veins, caused me to attack her mouth with my own. "See, this?" I broke away from her, growling, "This would be so much better knowing that I am the only one who touches you there."

"Well, you aren't, Shags. And you'll need to get used to it."

Bella was breathing pretty heavily, which was just making me harder.

And yet, her words rebutting my pseudo-request kind of stung. Somewhere, deep inside of me, I wanted to be the only person who kissed Bella on her lips.

_What is with you, Edward? Why is this such a big deal?_

_You gotta let it go, Cullen. Shake it off, okay? Get used to the fact that you basically have to share Bella with another man._

Regardless of the fact that Bella had Jasper in her life, and that Jasper was a horny bastard who would always compete with you for Bella, I had to mark her somehow. _I had to show that she was mine._

"This is fucking mine, Bella," I grunted, grabbing her ass and pulling her tight against me. "You are mine, don't fucking forget it."

"I am your other half, not some piece of property. I can make my own choices - let our universes collide or not," she spat out, her darkened eyes staring into my own. Her breath was still coming in heavy pants and she had tilted her pelvis slightly to fit against me.

"You can make your own choices. But that doesn't mean that this," I said, sucking on her neck and bringing the blood close to the surface of her skin, "Isn't mine." I couldn't help but grind a little bit against her.

She angled her head, granting me access to her neck. A small whimper escaped from her throat.

"Fine, just lay off Jazz. The way you talk, you'd think he was tryin' to fuck me all the time."

"He is." I moved my mouth to the other side of her neck, biting and leaving another red mark right below her ear.

"You are just green-eyed dragons. You hate him for spending time with me." Her hands found the hem of my shirt and slipped under, running up the expanse of my chest and then down before slipping to my back. Her nails dug into my flesh as though she were trying to channel her anger into me physically.

"Green eyed? I am not the one who is, ahhhhh...green eyed."

_Driving me nuts. This girl is fucking driving me nuts._

"Oh no? Then what is this, Shags?" She was trying to take my shirt off.

I shrugged myself out of my shirt, and hissed as Bella ran her fingernails up and down my chest. "This is..."

_This is me wanting you. This is me needing you. This is me..._

_Being out of control._

_This is out of control._

_And I don't want this to be the way it is right now._

_I don't want our first time to be hate sex._

_And I can really see this progressing to sex. There is no one else here, nothing to stop us...nothing holding us back._

She started to lick and suck my neck, her teeth nibbling between harder bites. There was no slow, or soft or gentle from her.

"Bellaaaa," I moaned, "Bella, wait."

"For what, Shags?" She took half a step away from me before pushing me down on the bed. "So you can accuse me of doin' somethin' else with Jazz? Hmm?" She climbed onto the bed and stalked forward, straddling my waist. She bent forward, continuing her exploration of my chest.

"No, nothing. Uh, nothing like that." _Hold yourself together, man. This is sex. Why does it matter what it is like? Rough is always good, isn't it? _"It's just..."

"Just what?" she asked, unbuttoning my jeans.

"Just...I don't want this to be..." I held my breath as Bella pulled my pants down. "Angry. I don't want this to be something that you...regret."

_Jesus Christ, this woman is making it hard to complete sentences._

"Shut up, Shags." Her lips followed the path of my pants, her tongue licking my cock over my boxer briefs.

"Fuuuck, Bella," I moaned.

_Thank God you got head - any kind of release, really - this morning. Because if you hadn't, you would have came right then and there. Seriously._

In one smooth movement, Bella sat up and took off her shirt, tossing it into the corner. She wasn't wearing a bra and her beautiful breasts came entirely into my view.

_Okay, so the moment that you have been waiting for... for fucking ever is finally here. You have protection with you, right?_

_...I think so. But you are clean, and so is Bella, and she is on the pill..._

She settled herself over my cock and ground hard into me. All thoughts vanished as I felt the heat of her kitty through the layers of clothes that remained. She brought her hands up to cup her breasts and pinched her already hard nipples. Her gaze never once broke with mine.

She was teasing me.

_And I fucking liked it._

I growled deep in my chest and flipped us over so that she was pinned beneath me. I kissed her hard as I removed her pants and the tiny scrap of material she called underwear. My mouth moved to her breast, licking her nipple gently before sucking it between my lips and catching it with the edges of my teeth. She arched into me and moaned.

"Shaggy, please," she said, panting.

_My God, she is beautiful. So fucking perfect, so fucking MINE._

Her breath kept catching in her throat as I sucked on her nipples and it was driving me crazy. I wasn't going to let her off easy. I needed to make sure she knew that she was mine. I easily parted her thighs and without much warning thrust two fingers deep inside of her, curling to press and stroke against her wet inner walls. My palm rubbed against her clit. She bucked hard beneath me, her hands running along my back ... nails digging into my ass as she pumped herself against my hand.

"Shaggy, Shaggy, Shaggy .." she moaned in a chant.

I increased my pace as I bit down on her nipple. I could hear swearing under her breath as she spread wider, her heels pushing into the mattress in order to meet the thrust of my fingers harder.

The swearing turned into begging pleas. I let her nipple slip from my lips and watched her face. Her head was thrown back, lips parted. Her hands had moved from my flesh to hold onto the slats of the headboard.

"Cum, Bella. Now."

Her pants stopped as her breath caught in her chest. Bella's entire body tightened and then contracted hard as she orgasmed. Her vaginal walls gripped me hard and a rush of fluid drenched my hand. Her body shook hard... tears collected in the corners of her eyes.

I slid my fingers out of her tight, warm pussy and kissed her gently as she recovered, but it didn't seem as though she wanted much of a recovery. She reached for the hand that had been buried in her kitty and brought it to her mouth, licking herself off of my fingers. _That is seriously the fucking hottest thing that I have ever seen in my entire fucking existence._ Her hips kept up a slow circular grinding motion. With her other hand she started pushing down my boxer briefs.

And then we were completely naked together.

_I swear, I hear angels in the distance singing a perverted version of "Hallelujah"._

She cupped my ass and pressed me down against her wet heat as she arched up. My hard cock slipped between her folds. Bella moved her hips up and down, sliding my shaft along her slit, but not letting me enter her. Her breathing started to get heavier and her eyes darkened almost to black.

_Stop...teasing...going to cum...all over..._

She pushed at my hips, silently instructing me to turn over. She straddled my waist once more, leaned forward to kiss me and then lowered herself onto my cock. Her tight, hot walls wrapped around me like they were made just for me.

"Fuck..." she whispered.

"Oh my God, Bella."

_It has never felt like this before. Sex has never been so...mind-blowingly perfect._

_It's like there is something more to this than having sex. It's as if..._

She began to move slowly, lifting herself up and then dropping back down. Her eyes never left mine as she let herself go entirely to sensation. My hands settled on her hips, driving her down while I thrust up into her. She placed her hands on my shoulders, leaning forward as she continued to ride me.

We moved in unison, her hips rotating as she came down creating the friction she desired on her clit. Bella's fingers tangled in my hair, our noses touching, staring into each other's eyes.

_It's almost as if...we are making love._

_Stop thinking like that, you asshole! __ You can't be in love._

I thrust harder forcing a sexy whimper out of her. I could feel her body begin to tremble and tighten around me.

_But you do love her, Edward. Don't tell me that you can look at that face right now and say that you aren't head over heels fucking in love with that._

"Oh, God..." she said breathlessly. "I'm, I'm ... Edward!"

_Edward? Has she ever called me Edward before?_

I could feel every muscle around my cock contracting, milking me, holding me in place. _Christ!_ I held onto her hips harder and continued thrusting. I could feel my balls tighten and my cock getting even harder. _Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! _ With one last thrust I came deep inside of her.

_But it doesn't matter that you love her. Believe in the theory or not, you can't ever admit it. You, son of asshole Carlisle, can't love someone without tainting them._

She collapsed against my chest, burying her face against my shoulder as we fought to catch our breath.

"I love you, Shags," she whispered.

_Oh my God...how the fuck do I answer that?_

_I...I...I have no fucking idea._

"That was...that was amazing, Bella."

_Because it was amazing. Perfect, actually, until you had to ruin it with your confession of fucking love. Goddamn it! __You are supposed to keep that kind of fucking shit to yourself, Bella!_

"I think you are my new addiction."

_What the fuck have I done? Addiction...she is addicted to me now? _I could feel myself start to hyperventilate.

_I don't...I don't...I don't know what to do. Oh my fuck, I am so fucking screwed._

_She loves me. _

_She loves me?_

_How the fuck can she love me?__ ME? I am fucking worthless. Now, it is completely understandable that I could love her, because she is...Bella._

I swallowed thickly and closed my eyes.

"You ok, Shags?"

"Hmmmm? Oh yeah, I'm, ah, I'm fine."

_Yeah, you are fine. Hyperventilating right after sex? That sounds like the epitome of fine._

She lifted up and smiled down at me. "So, when are you going to be ready to go... again?"

"Oh, uhm, don't we have to work on our project or something?"

I could feel my heart sinking. _That was sex, Edward. Just sex. Only sex. It wasn't making love, because you don't know how to make love. Love, no matter what Bella wants to tell you, does not exist. __ Love, no matter what you want to tell yourself, is not something that you are meant to even attempt to experience._

_You can't get addicted to someone that "loves you" when you don't believe in the idea._

_Keep telling yourself that._

"Project?" she asked, confused.

"Yeah, uh, weren't we supposed to work on the project before we did anything?"

_You are still naked, Edward. You, bringing up this project right now, has got to be the biggest dickhead move ever. You don't deserve Bella. Not for one minute._

"I... well... I guess. If you want."

_No, not the project! You can't think about that shit right now!_

"Or, I mean, we don't have to. We can, uh, talk about something else?"

"Are you always like this?" She brushed my hair away from my face.

"Always like what?" _No, Bella, I have never been close enough to someone to have them admit that they love me right after we had sex. It was always about me getting my rocks off before...always. This is new territory._

"So unsettled ..."

"Unsettled? I'm not unsettled."

Silence.

"It's never felt like that for me before." She lifted up slightly, my cock sliding out of her body. She repositioned herself between my legs and rested her head on my chest.

"Me either," I sighed. _Balls fuck shitsticks. You just admitted that out loud._

Silence.

"I'm yours, Edward."

"You_ are_ mine." _But I don't know anything else outside of that right now, Bella. And I wish that I could tell you something cheesy like, "I am yours, Bella"...but I can't. I just can't, especially knowing that you think that you love me. _

A few moments of silence passed between us until something dawned on me. "Why are you calling me Edward, Bella?"

"'Cause it's your name, Shags."

"Yeah, but you don't use it. You only call me Shags. Like, I think you have only ever called me Shags."

She moved her head slightly so that her cheek was over my heart, her hair spread across my chest.

"Some vows in the universe need real names, Shags. Souls stitched: Isabella and Edward."

_Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. _

_You have really fucked yourself over._

_How in fucking hell did you allow yourself to fall in love with someone who fell in love with you too?_

_You can't do this._

_You can't put Bella through this. You are going to break her heart beyond fucking words if you don't make this right, Edward._

I ran my fingers through her beautiful hair.

_But honestly, I wish it was true, Bella, I really do. I wish that our souls really were stitched. But they aren't; you can't be stitched to me, because I will ruin you._

I did the only thing that I could do: I hummed in response.

And I felt my heart breaking as I held Bella to my chest. Because it was likely that I wouldn't hold her like this again if I did what I needed to do.

"You'll have to tell Captn' T that I was right," she said with a little smile.

I frowned. "Right about what, B?"

"He'll know." She was silent for some time. "We should probably get dressed. I dunno when the Fuzz will be home and I doubt he wants to see us nekkid together." She made no effort to move, draped across my body.

I felt like I was going to cry. Seriously. _I am not ready to let go of her yet._

"Can we just lay here for a little while longer?"

"Yeah, Shags, we can." She kissed the spot over my heart and then settled her head. I twisted my legs with hers and played with her hair.

_You will not cry, Edward; you will not cry. Seriously. This is what is best, you can't have Bella. You will fuck her up; and the woman that you love will not only be gone, but she will resent you._

_What is that saying? "If you love something, set it free"?_

_You are going to do what you have to do. No matter how much it hurts._

_

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_**E/N: Love it? Hate it? Want to kill me, Michelle? Let us know! And seriously, all of you who review will get a little taste of chapter 21. And I am thinking that you may, just maybe, want to have that.**

**Thank you all for reading!**


	21. No One Here Gets Out Alive

**A/N: **

**Since we posted yesterday, we (Paige Parkker, BOV; and Michelle M Marie, EPOV) have not magically gained ownership of the Twilight enterprise. But…our betas, TRDancer and imcarriej, are still the best out there. Seriously. **

**Okay, so…Kleenex warning. That's all I am allowed to say. **

**

* * *

****Bella POV**

I was uber excited to see Shags today and got up a little early to style my coif and pick out the best post-fucking outfit a girl could wear. Did you wear a polka dot skirt over jeans or a tattered kilt? Arm warmers? Decisions, decisions!

I had some grapes and gummies for breakfast, grabbed my bag and waited out on the porch for Shags to swoosh me away to McEducation.

I was hopin' there would be time for some Shags and Bella nookie before class. I needed to feel him inside of my girl bits again. Mmmm how he had felt. If I thought his fingers could cause tinglies, the feel of his man bits moving in and out of my kitty nearly did me in.

I waited and then waited a little more, but there was no Shags. Maybe he was runnin' late. Somethin' was probably up; it was weird that he didn't call though.

Ah well, shit happens, as they say. Two feet and a bloodsquisher beat would get me to McEducation, even if I was late. Better late than never! Ha! Must be cliche day!

Every thought of Shags was makin' me smile today. I could still feel that delicious ache in my kitty and that bitch was hungry for more. Greedy kitty, always wanted to be pet. Not seein' him this mornin' had only made it worse. Soon, kitty, soon.

I got to McEducation late, but had a smile as I was chastised about my attendance. As soon as mornin' classes were over, I hippity hopped to the McEducation restaurant of questionable nutrition and looked for my Shags. He was easy to pick out, his coppery bitted hair and his Jolly Rancher greens and his muscley chest and his tight ass and fantastic man bi... WHOA X-ray specs! Reel it in or you'll be humpin' your other half on the table. Geeze, womans!

I watched him with Jockus Popularis. He seemed strained, forced. He had that stressed look. Maybe I could lure him into another darkroom session. Bella, you are such a hussy. Wicked on you!

I walked through the doors and headed in his direction, my smile growin' wider. His soul was so beautiful, his universe so bright. I came up behind him, crouched down, ran my fingers through his hair and snogged his neck.

"Missed you this mornin'," I whispered.

He shrugged away from my touch, pulling away from me. "Swan," he addressed, not a hint of amusement to his voice.

"Shags?" I stared at the back of his coppery bits, waitin' for him to turn his head and smile. Instead, he ignored me calling his name and continued listenin' to the group of populars.

I placed my hand on his shoulder. "Is everything okay, Shags? You mad at me?" I furiously brained about all the things I had done between last night and this mornin'. After the humpin', we lay in bed together and only got up to scramble into clothes when the Fuzz came home. He had kissed me hard... and then left, promisin' to see me the next day. And now it was the flip side.

"Don't you get it, you damn idiot? He doesn't want to talk to you," Lauren spat, grabbing his arm tenderly.

I looked at Lauren. "Dude. I know I smoke a lot of pot, but I'm pretty fricken unexpanded right now and I was clearly talkin' to Shags and not you. So hush-a-bye, birdy." I looked around the table at the populars before settlin' on Shags.

"Go away, Swan Spawn," Shags growled, his jaw tightening. "Listen to Lauren."

_Swan Spawn..._ Ha, ha! Funny, funny. "So I'm not gettin' the joke, Shags. Maybe you could fill me in?"

"There is no joke, Isabella. I don't want you anymore, got it? You mean nothing to me." His eyes narrowed and he turned in his chair to face me. "You were nothing to me other than a quick fuck."

"That's... that's not funny, Shags," I said quietly, rising up. I wasn't exactly sure I could trust my own voice.

"I didn't mean for it to be, Swan Spawn."

"Edward?" My voice was barely a whisper. This ... this ... he wasn't .. no. This was a joke, some sort of sick prank.

I could feel my bloodsquisher sinking.

"Did you honestly think that it could work between us? Come on, Spawn. I am too good for you. And you? My dad was right about you. You are too...weird."

I didn't know what to say. My brain was stutterin' and my airbags were bein' compressed by his words.

"But all those words, Shags ..."

"Just pretty words to get into your panties – when you were wearing some, that is." He sounded robotic and cold and not like Shags at all.

"I don't believe you." The entire McEducation restaurant of questionable nutrition was silent - at least I didn't hear a peep... coulda been a circus goin' on and I wouldn't have known. All I could see was his face and feel his words cut me.

"Well, it's true. I got what I wanted, which was to fuck the weirdest chick to ever walk the halls of FHS, and now I am done with you." He leaned forward and glared up at me. "Listen, babe, you are a decent lay and you suck good cock. I'm sure one of the freaks over there will take you." He looked over to a table in the corner. "Hey Jacob, you need a blow job? Swan's free. She even swallows."

I stared at him.

"Or you can keep getting off with Jasper. I really don't care."

I could feel the tears well and fall, but I couldn't bring myself to wipe them away; it was hard enough tryin' to get oxygen into my airbags. Could you die from words? Could words steal away everything? I always put my faith in pictures 'cause words eluded me at times. Maybe it was 'cause they could hurt so much.

"But, I love you. Other half..." I barely managed to squeak out.

"No, you aren't my other half."

My blood squisher stopped squishing. One ... two ... nothin'. And then I heard it crack and crumble into pieces. Pain spread from all the itty bitty parts and I couldn't think or see straight.

My soul bled where the stitches tore.

I needed out. I needed to breathe and I needed the nightmare to end and I needed my blood squisher to be ok. I needed the walls to stop spinnin'.

"By the way, you're on your own for that stupid media project. Get us a good grade."

I stared blindly at him, pleading with my legs to move me and not collapse. When I thought that someone was goin' to have to carry me, my feet moved. I turned and walked slowly toward the exit.

The sob that escaped was my universe crashin' down around me.

**EPOV**

The world around me blurred, and I was having a hard time standing up.

I couldn't believe that I was able to do that, to lie like that. The sick, sad mission that I decided that I had to go on after Bella told me that she loved me last night was now accomplished.

_...And I successfully made it so you can't love me anymore, Bella. Because you couldn't love me again; not after I broke your heart and my own heart, a million times over._

I watched as Bella walked out of the room, and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I've never been much of a crier, in fact, I was hard pressed to remember a day when I actually cried...but I felt like I could cry my eyes out.

The entire cafeteria was silent. I couldn't handle it, but the silence didn't last for long. Lauren started to laugh, followed by Jessica. And then Jasper threw a chair across the room as he stormed toward me.

"I warned you, douche bag," he spat in my face. Bodies from all over, including some of the teachers rushed to hold Jasper back. Within minutes he flung off their hold and jogged out of the cafeteria to track down Bella.

_I deserve to get my ass kicked._

_And it won't be long before I let Jasper kick the shit out of me. I just hope that we are in a secluded enough area so he can properly beat me down...I don't want someone to be close enough to interrupt the extreme ass kicking that I deserve._

I took a deep breath and focused on my breathing.

_I just ruined my life with one fell swoop. What would a confrontation from Jasper add to the shit story that is my life?_

_Especially when I deserved every second of it._

_Because I had told Jasper just days before that I wasn't going to leave Bella...because I couldn't. And yet, I just did._

I felt myself starting to get dizzy.

_You left her for her own good, though. You don't want to ruin her life the way you know that you would._

_Left her for her own good? Isn't that something that she should be able to choose for herself? I mean, if you were poison to her, wouldn't she eventually see it for herself?_

_Yeah, she would. But not before it was too late, and not before you killed the essence of the woman that you love._

_And always will love._

_Until the day that you die._

XXX

I didn't see Bella at school for the rest of the week, which was good, because I knew that I would not be able to handle seeing her. But it still tore me up inside... I knew that I had caused her an extreme amount of pain if she hadn't been back to school yet.

But it was pain that would pass quickly, right? It was pain that needed to happen, because I knew that if I hadn't hurt her the way that I did, she would not have believed me and we never would have broken up.

_She wouldn't have believed that she meant nothing, and rightfully so. I still wanted her, more than anything._

_If I saw her right now, I would want to grab her and hold her tight and tell her that I made a mistake. Tell her that I loved her, and that even though I had a hard time with love, I would love her the shitty way that I was able to love her - forever._

_But I couldn't do that. I had to do Bella right and stick to my guns, and remember why I did this in the first place. _

_Bella deserved someone better than me. Me, who has a hard time with the idea of love, who would ruin her and her universe, who didn't hold a candle to her potential. _

I somehow managed to attend all of my classes, but I had no idea what happened in a single one of them. I was too busy moping over the mess that I myself made.

I skipped football practice all week, but decided that once Friday came, I was going to go to it. Maybe a change in the monotony that living in my head was causing would be good for me.

But that Friday, football practice did nothing for me. I was kind of hoping that it would make me feel something other than the extreme fucking depression that I was suffering from. In the past, sports have made me feel pretty good; you know, got the endorphins running and what-not.

_Yeah, there must be no more endorphins left in my brain, because I still want to crawl into a hole and die._

It didn't surprise me one bit when I was met by Jasper just as I was walking back to my car after practice. I had been waiting for him all week long.

Jasper was definitely walking up to me with purpose, so I steeled myself when he reached me and punched me square in the face. I didn't try to defend myself, or to deflect his punch, I let it come to me.

"You broke her, asshole. You didn't listen to me when I told you this would happen." Jasper pushed me backwards into Mike's truck.

"Jasper, I'm... sorry." _You're sorry? Sorry? Shut up and just let him kick your ass. There is nothing that you can say to make what you did right in any way, jackass._

_Besides, it's no one's fault other than your own that you are afraid of love._

_You are such a piece of shit._

"Sorry? You're fucking sorry? Sorry doesn't mean shit! Do you know what she does all day?"

_No, and I don't want to know. _I swallowed thickly and shook my head. I could taste blood, and I welcomed the God-awful taste.

"Nothing! She doesn't do anything. She lays in a ball on the floor with her arms wrapped around herself. I can't get her to sleep on the bed ... I can't even get her to eat. Her dad is worried fucking sick about her. Does that make you happy?"

"No." _It fucking kills me; tears me up inside. But it's what's best for her future...for her universe. _

"No? You are an arrogant fucking asshole. You knew exactly what would happen. You'd fuck her then ditch her." He shoved me again and I felt the blow of another punch- this one to the stomach - followed by a knee to the balls. I immediately dropped to the ground.

_Mother fucker! The pain...the pain...!_

_Man up. You deserve this, asshole. Fight through the pain so he can kick you down again._

"This...this is what you wanted," I managed to wheeze out before I attempted to stand up once again.

"To see her fall into a million pieces? You think I want that? You crushed her fucking universe." He shifted his position and kicked me in the ribs to emphasize the point.

_Her universe will heal without me in it. She is better off without me, no matter how hard it hurts right now. It's better to have me fail her now rather than later, when she has formed her whole life around me._

_It's a cleaner break._

People had started to file out to their cars and a few I was sure could see the commotion. I was afraid that Jasper was going to get beat up, to be truthful. "Jasper," I wheezed. "People are coming."

"So?" Jasper stood over top of me.

_So? I want you to keep beating the shit out of me, like I deserve. And I don't want you to get your ass kicked in the process._

My team mates stopped when they saw what was going on.

"Here's the deal: you don't look at her, touch her, speak to her, sit near her, breathe the same air that she does. You make any attempt to hurt her more and I will cut off your balls and make you eat them. Got it?"

"I have class with her, Jasper." _Class that will kill me to see her in. To be that close to her and not be able to touch her and breathe her perfect scent in and touch her soft, beautiful and sensual skin..._

"I guess you are going to figure something out, Cullen. Aren't you?"

"I guess."

"You are a useless sack of shit, Cullen. And you..." He pointed to the guys who had stopped to watch. "Any of you come near Bella, or say anything to her, and I'll cut off your balls off too."

_I _am_ a useless sack of shit. That is for fucking sure._

_Regardless of the fact that I did this for Bella. I am not good enough for her...I never will be. She is blind to the fact that this was all for her own good, but she won't be forever._

_She will thank me for this in the future, when she is a successful artist and I am a miserable piece of shit that resembles my father more than anything._

Jasper looked down at me, spat on me, and then kicked dirt in my face.

"Oh and here, she doesn't need these anymore." I could feel something hit my face. Through my pain filled vision I could see that they were pictures - pictures of me, pictures of me and her. Jasper ground his heel into one as he spun and left me lying there.

My heart, which I thought was already shattered, somehow found a way to break even more when I looked at the pictures.

_I was so happy. She was so happy. Her universe wasn't tainted yet. _

Mike ran up to me and extended a hand down as he tried to pick me up off the ground. My weight was too much for him, and Tyler had to come over, grab my other side, and pull me to my feet.

It hurt to breathe.

"Dude, we gotta get him home. E, your dad home? Or do we need to bring you to the hospital?"

"Dad's home," I managed to breathe out. "Can someone...can someone grab those for me?" I motioned to the pictures that were lying on the ground.

Another teammate, Jayson, bent over and picked up the pictures of Bella and I. He tucked them into my bag with a remorseful look on his face.

_Don't feel bad for me; I deserved every minute of this._

Mike and Tyler managed to load me up in Tyler's van and haul me to Casa de Cullen.

_I miss her so fucking much. If she was here, she would know how to calm me, how to touch me and soothe me and make the pain be more bearable. She would make some kind of snide remark to put my dad into place, and make me smile even though it hurt to do so._

The taste of blood was making me dizzy, and the extreme loss that I felt whenever I thought of Bella was making me sick to my stomach.

_Don't puke...you will hurt so much worse if you do._

_So the fuck what? You heard what Jasper said...you deserve to hurt. You deserve every fucking ounce of pain._

Before I knew it, my father was running down to the van and helping Tyler and Mike lift me out.

_Don't be gentle, I don't need it, I don't deserve it._

My father had me settled in his study before he glared at me. _Gotta put on a facade for everyone around us, don't we, daddy dear? _

"What the fuck did you do, Edward? Did you piss off someone on your team again?"

_You live with me, jackass. How could you not see that I have been fucking miserable all fucking week long? Obviously this is so much more than a disagreement between teammates._

_I fucking hate you._

"No, Dr Cullen. He actually got beat up by a fellow student. One of Swan's friends."

Carlisle poked and prodded my body. "Isabella Swan? As in your _girlfriend_?" he spat out, rolling over Bella's name with extreme distaste.

"Heh. Not his fucking girlfriend anymore," Mike laughed, fist pounding with Tyler.

_I officially hate my life and everything in it. From the two idiots who insist on giving each other fist bumps, to the asshole who is trying to clean me up, to the fact that the most perfect woman in the world is no longer my girlfriend...at my own doing._

"Good. She was bad news, Edward. And to be truthful, she looked like she had been around the block a few hundred times."

I was in an extreme amount of pain, and I could barely function, but I gathered every bit of strength that I had and reached over and punched my father in the face.

I hit his nose, dead on, and blood immediately began streaming down his face, hitting his perfectly white doctor's coat and tainting it with his crimson colored blood.

"What the fuck, Edward?"

Carlisle was seething, and Tyler and Mike were gingerly trying to hold me back so I didn't lash out at my father again.

"Don't. _ Ever._ Talk. About. Her. Like. That. Again," I yelled, clutching my side as pain started to radiate through my body. "Got it?"

It took a little while for Carlisle to quit glaring at me. He must have been able to see that no matter what kind of shape I was in, I was not going to relent. If he had kept talking, I would have fought back with my fist until I was unconscious.

My mother came running in a few moments later, a look of panic on her face. "What is going on? I heard yelling, and..." She ran over to my father and touched his arm tenderly before running over to me and stroking my swelled up face.

"Oh baby," she cooed, "What did you do?"

It took all of my strength to not start crying like the little pussy that I was. I was just... in so much pain and beyond fucking depressed; and I wanted my mom to make everything better.

_Even though I knew that she couldn't, even if she wanted to. And she wouldn't want to, she would hit me herself if she really knew what I did to Bella._

Carlisle cleaned me up after cleaning himself up. When it was all said and done, he assessed the damage that Jasper had caused. Fractured ribs, bruised something, maybe a concussion? I honestly wasn't listening, because I didn't give a flying fuck.

_Whatever Jasper did, it wasn't enough. I still have a hole in my heart that hurts more than any pain that he caused._

Mike and Tyler helped my mom get me back into my room before they took off. My mom decided to leave me be for a little while so I could strip myself down and try to lay in the comfort of my own bed.

I asked my mom to bring me my backpack before she turned to leave the room. She complied, and placed it on top of my bed.

I undressed slowly before sliding between my sheets, wincing because my body was sore as all fuck.

_Not sore enough, jackass. You caused more pain than you are in right now._

I carefully reached into my backpack and pulled out the pictures of Bella and I that Jasper so kindly returned to me.

I flipped through them, memorizing Bella's happy features and feeling the hole in my heart crack and spread throughout my entire body. My breathing became erratic, and I thought that I was hyperventilating before I realized that there was moisture pooling in my eyes and that I wasn't hyperventilating, I was actually crying. Pain filled sobs that wracked my injured body.

_I was crying over the biggest mistake I have ever made in my entire life, and I didn't want to stop. Ever._

More time passed, more tears were shed, and I don't know how long my mother had been standing in my doorway. She finally cleared her throat to get my attention, and I looked up at her with tears in my eyes.

"I fucked up, Esme," I whispered. "I love her."

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**E/N: Okay, so…coming from the writer of EPOV: I am sorry. Seriously. This was the hardest f-ing chapter ever to write. And Paige and I cried practically the entire time that we wrote it.**

**So…please be kind, and leave us a review. The hole in my heart is huge…and the only way to fix it is by reviews. And each reviewer does get a teaser, because we love each and every review.**

**Oh, and one last thing…have faith in us.**


	22. Presentation Notes

**A/N:**

**Paige (BPOV) and Michelle (EPOV) don't own anything Twi related- but their Betas are still the best out there. Seriously. Thank you, imcarriej and TRDancer for being so ridiculously awesome.**

**Sorry for the tear-jerker last time, folks. Judging by the response we got over on Twi, you may need a Kleenex or two for this one, too.**

**

* * *

****E****dward POV**

"Your brother is worried about you, you know."

I rolled my eyes and continued sipping my coffee, enjoying how bitter it tasted as it slid down my throat.

"I would be worried about you too, you know, if I didn't know that all of this," Esme used her hands to make a big, circular motion in my direction, "was self-inflicted. You are pretty lucky that Jasper kicked your butt...because if he hadn't, Emmett would have. And I think that the damage that he would cause would far surpass that which Jasper caused."

_Thanks for being there for me, Mom. Really, your support means the world to me._

"I know what you are doing right now, baby. Your self-pity act isn't working on me. Honestly, I wish that it was, but..." she trailed off, looking out the window that was positioned over the kitchen sink. "I liked her, Edward, I really did. And I wanted to keep her."

_I wanted to keep her too, Esme. But you can't always get what you want, right?_

This semester, which had started out to be the best one of my life, ended up being the worst one ever. _And yeah, it was all my own doing...thanks, for pointing that out yet _again, _Esme._

I couldn't stand doing anything that I used to like before Bella came along. I mean, it's not like I could even pretend to be the person that I was before Bella.

Because once I was with Bella, I realized that my "friends" really weren't friends at all, and I couldn't even pretend that I wanted to hang out with them anymore.

I used to randomly hook up with girls all the time. But after making love to Bella, I just...couldn't stomach the thought of being with someone again.

Football was worthless. I felt no camaraderie with any of my team mates...and I just couldn't find it in me to give a shit about it. I found myself skipping practice more than attending it, which had to make me the worst team captain known to mankind.

_It's okay, just add that to the list of how much I fuck up._

I hated just about everything that used to make me happy now. And on top of it all, I missed the shit out of Bella. I missed her so much that it fucking hurt. Every day, every time I would even think of her name, my heart would rip open.

_I know that breaking up with her was the right thing to do for her...but why does it have to hurt so much?_

_Oh, that's right. It's because you actually fucking loved her._

When Bella returned to school after her week-long hiatus, it fucking killed me to not be able to talk to her. I mean, I wanted to, more than anything; but I knew that I couldn't and shouldn't.

Do you know what it was like to stop talking with someone that you had realized had become your best friend?

It killed me. Just like everything Bella-related: it slayed me alive.

And then one day, I couldn't handle it anymore. I had to try to talk to Bella; I couldn't sit back and watch her without saying _something _to her.

_Because I missed everything about her. Everything._

But she ignored me. Of course. Didn't even look in my direction. _Not that I could blame her._

Bella walked the halls of FHS like a fucking ghost of what she was before. It killed me, knowing that she wasn't healing as fast as I had anticipated. I just wanted Bella to be the Bella that I knew. The Bella that I knew didn't come to school every day completely stoned. The Bella that I knew had some kind of fucking life to her - this Bella, however, did not. This Bella looked like she was missing out on sleep and didn't give a flying fuck about it.

_You did that to her, you asshole. This is all your fault._

To make matters worse, she was clearly not eating, at all.

_Not that I could blame her, really. I had a hard time eating anything myself and all of this is of my own doing._

I wanted to bring her buckets of gummy worms, to get some kind of calories into her (even if they were empty calories), but I knew there wasn't a chance in hell that she would eat anything that I gave her.

_God, Bella. I miss you so fucking much. I miss everything about you: your smell, your voice, the way you laughed, the way you touched me, the way you...loved me._

_In short, I miss my best friend._

The only thing that made it so I could sleep at night (_not that I deserved to_) was the fact that Bella's friends, the "freaks", had banded together to take care of her. I had never loved these people more than I did at that time. To me, it was as if I owed them my life for them taking care of my Bella when I couldn't.

Interestingly enough, Jayson, fellow football player extraordinaire, had taken a liking to Bella in the past few weeks. He would show up and walk her to class, sit by her at lunch sometimes, and try to bring a smile to her face every once in a while. Which, of course, seemed a little weird to me, but Jayson always seemed to be a pretty down to earth guy. And since he had been there when Jasper had thrown the pictures of Bella and I into my face, I wasn't he would be somewhat concerned about the situation.

The little jealous part of me wanted to accuse him of trying to hone in on Bella while she was weak, but I knew that wasn't true. Jayson really was a nice guy, and he didn't deserve my wrath for trying to take care of my ex-girlfriend.

_Ouch. That hurts to even admit to myself that Bella is my ex-girlfriend._

_...Remember, asshole! This is what you wanted, right? _

_You did this, and now you have to live with it._

Time crawled by, impossibly slow, the way it always seems to do when you hate life and everything about it. Time flies when you are having fun, right? Well, it fucking slows to almost a stop when you are miserable and self-loathing.

As the semester progressed, I lost count of the amount of times that Esme and Emmett had confronted me on my moody behavior, the amount of times that any of Bella's friends had given me death glares, and the amount of pounds that my beautiful Bella had most likely lost. I wasn't doing well in any of my classes, and I hoped that daddy dearest was getting out his pocket book to pay for my grades, because I didn't give a flying fuck if I passed my senior year or not.

_Edward Cullen, high school dropout? Kind of has a ring to it, don't you think? And at this point, it's much more believable than Edward Cullen, college graduate. _

And before I knew it, it was presentation day in media class. I was, of course, anticipating failing. I mean, of course I would fail: I did nothing, deserved nothing, and was getting ready to have to pay for my grade. _Again, like all of my other grades in all of my other classes._

Bella walked into the classroom, clearly stoned off her ass. She was wearing lots of layers, regardless of the fact that it was kind of warm outside, and her clothes hung from her small frame.

_She keeps losing weight. All the time that has passed...she is still not eating the way she should. _

I felt a little bit of bile rise in my throat.

_This is your doing. Bella not eating? It is all your doing. She was fine before you came along..._

_You are an asshole. In fact, you are worse than Rosalie and Carlisle combined._

Bella took her seat and looked towards the front of the class, clearly waiting for the presentations to begin. But I couldn't tear my eyes away from her face. Her cheeks were sunken in, evidence that she truly had lost too much weight. Her eyes...held no sparkle. She was stoned, sure, but her eyes looked beyond tired and restless at the same time.

I wanted to help her...somehow...but I knew that wasn't a possibility.

_This is all a phase, Bella. You may be miserable right now, but you will be better off without me, mark my words. Just... weather through it as best you can. And in 20 years, when you are insanely famous and I am stuck here, overweight with high blood pressure and miserable, you will know how lucky you were to get away from me._

_Oh God. I am fucking pathetic._

I rubbed my eyes and focused on the presentations that were being delivered at the front of the room.

The presentations were, to say the least, amateur. They looked a bit sloppy, whether it be because of poor production of the films (choppy, terribly filmed), bad use of materials (some people used paper puppets), or just overall lack of effort (a few of them looked rushed).

_These projects are simply horrendous. They are, however, better than what your stupid ass did...which is nothing._

_It's not like I could work with Bella on a project now. Not after what I did to her._

And before I knew it, it was "our" turn.

"Bella and Edward, you're up," Mr. Marcus called out.

Bella fished through her bag and extracted a DVD before making her way slowly to the front of the class. She popped the disc into the tray and then turned to face the class.

_A DVD? Of course she made a DVD. The rest of the class makes shitty little videotaped pieces of crap...and Bella makes a DVD._

"So Bella, tell us a bit about your piece."

"I guess it is a short film about living life," she mumbled.

"Your sources?" Mr. Marcus asked.

"Used Morrison's poem _The Movie_, some music from this cellist dude, Adam Hurst, I know in Canada, and the video clips and photography are Swan originals."

Mr. Marcus nodded and smiled. Bella pressed play and stood blankly beside the TV. She stared at the back wall, her eyes empty of their usual lust for living.

The screen went from static to black with no indication that the movie had started until the haunting strains of the cello could be heard.

_The movie will begin in five moments_

_The mindless voice announced_

_All those unseated will await the next show._

Each line was read by a different person, but was edited so that the lines and voices flowed into one another.

_We filed slowly, languidly into the hall_

_The auditorium was vast and silent_

_As we seated and were darkened, the voice continued._

Photographs of theatres and mobs of people flashed by in quick succession, giving the piece a very disjointed, panicked feel.

_The program for this evening is not new_

_You've seen this entertainment through and through_

_You've seen your birth your life and death_

_you might recall all of the rest_

_Did you have a good world when you died?_

_Enough to base a movie on?_

As the voice over continued, a clip of the birth of a baby goat played ... a birthday party ... a wedding ... the goat having its throat slashed ... the goat rotting into nothing. The screen went to black suddenly as the cello came in strong ... and then quieted.

_I'm getting out of here_

_Where are you going?_

_To the other side of morning_

_Please don't chase the clouds, pagodas_

Images of abandoned theatres and buildings rolled from one into another and then faded into black.

_Her cunt gripped him like a warm, friendly hand._

It was Bella's voice, and Bella sitting naked in a tub of water, her knees up to her chest and her hair pinned in a messy knot on top of her head.

_It's alright, all your friends are here_

_When can I meet them?_

_After you've eaten_

_I'm not hungry_

_Uh, we meant beaten_

The tub was lifted by two faceless men and placed over a fire. The very next shot showed the tub full of stew and panned out to see the faceless men and their faceless friends enjoying a bowl of the stew. One of the men seemed to notice that he was being filmed and approached the camera. The screen cut to static.

_Silver stream, silvery scream_

_Oooooh, impossible concentration._

The screen faded to black and the cello music petered out. There was silence and nothing on screen for a few seconds until some credits rolled.

Bella pressed stop and just stood there.

And I just stared at her, in complete awe of her...talent, her vision, her execution.

"That ... that was very impressive, Bella and Edward. Fantastic!" He looked around the room. "Any thoughts or questions?"

Someone in the back raised their hand. "What's up with killing the goat, man? What did it ever do to you?"

"I needed a death, and they frown when you slit the throats of humans," she answered in monotone.

_So maybe that was a little dark and morbid._

_But maybe she should have just slit my throat instead of the goat's. Then I could have at least contributed to the project, and the ache that you feel every day would have gone away for just a moment._

"So, it looked like the creation process was pretty intensive. What part did you do and what part did Edward do?" Jacob asked with a snide grin on his face. He stared right at me.

_Asswipe. There he goes, calling out the obvious. Though I can't blame him._

I could see Bella take a minute.

"Edward helped choose the music and photographs. We collaborated on everything."

_Lies, all lies. Make that shit right, Edward, give credit where credit should be given. _"I can't take credit for Bella, er, Isabella's work. That creative genius you just witnessed was all her."

Bella just stared at me. As empty as her eyes looked, I couldn't help but revel in the fact that she was looking at me again.

"What do you mean, Edward?" Mr. Marcus asked.

I cleared my throat. "I mean that I had nothing to do with this project. Bella did it herself, Mr. Marcus." _And hello, F as final grade for this class. Do I need it to graduate? I sure as fuck hope not. Eh, fuck graduating, right?_

Mr. Marcus looked at Bella. "Is that true, Bella?"

She reached down to remove the DVD and slid it back in its case before handing it to Mr. Marcus. "Whatever Edward wants."

_Whatever I want? I want you to know that I miss you, Bella. More than anything. And I wish that was enough._

She walked back to her desk and sat, staring forward.

"Well, I think we will need to have a chat about this later." He put the DVD on his desk. "Ok, who's next?"

I turned my attention back to my desk and pulled a piece of paper out of my notebook. I knew that it was a piss poor idea, but I didn't give a flying fuck at that moment, and I wrote a note to Bella and placed it on her desk.

**Bella, please talk to me. Something, anything. -E**

**Sorry, I'm all out of fucking and cock sucking today. **

She left the note on her desk, in the corner where I would have to reach to get it.

_She hasn't said anything to me in fucking months, and that is what she says? _

_The part that sucks the most about her response is that I deserve that, every bit of it._

I grabbed the paper and wrote on it before I placed it back on her desk.

_What I wanted to say was, "I love you, please forgive me."_

But what I really said was, **You are more than that, Bella. Please know that. -E**

_Because you will always be more than that._

My facade was crumbling, and I couldn't keep pretending, over and over again, that Bella didn't mean anything to me. Because she meant everything...she meant the world to me.

**Why change your tune now?**

She left the paper in the same place. I picked it up, and struggled with not writing what I wanted to say.

_I wanted to say - because I miss you._

_Because I love you._

_Because I want you back._

_...But I can't._

**Because you deserve more than you think you do. -E **

**Funny coming from you, Edward.**

_God! Stop calling me Edward! It is fucking tripping me out!_

**Why is that, Bella? -E**

**You ****told me**** showed me how worthless I am, Edward. Don't try to be nice now.**

_You aren't worthless, in fact, you mean everything to me._

**Clearly you aren't worthless, Bella. You have more talent in your baby toe than I do in my entire body. -E**

**Why now, Edward?**

_Because...I can't stay away from you anymore? I need to talk to you before I explode, even if it is through a note._

**Why not, Bella? -E **

**It is too late, Edward.**

_I know it is, Bella. I designed it to be too late. All of this heartbreak needs to have happened for a reason, don't you think? _

**Why do you keep calling me Edward? What happened to Shags? -E**

**Shags is dead.**

My heart clenched. **What do you mean, Shags is dead? -E**

**Shags is dead. Gone. Ceases to exist. **

_Is it just me, or did it suddenly get really hot in here? _**Shags isn't gone, Bella. I am right here...clearly not dead. -E **

_Even though, just moments ago, I wished to be dead._

**No, you are Edward. Shags is dead.**

My heart dropped.

**What's the difference? -E**

**One was the person I loved. One is someone I don't really know and don't really like.**

My vision went slightly glossy, and I realized that it was because my eyes were starting to water.

_Stop it, Edward. You can't cry in class, okay? I mean, you have cried like three times in your entire life, one over Bella already, so now is not the time to start crying._

**You know me, Bella. You do. -E**

**I could no more wish Shags back than I could wish my Mom back. Spirit crushed, spirit set free.**

For the first time since we started writing back and forth, I regretted my decision to talk to Bella. It just...hurt so fucking much.

_The truth really hurts, doesn't it?_

I felt like there was a ton of bricks on my chest as I wrote out a reply.

**You don't mean that. You can't. -E**

Bella started drawing on the page. It appeared that she was drawing two people that were being torn apart, but the image was so abstract that I could barely tell what the image was. On the bottom of the drawing she wrote something that I couldn't make out.

_Fine, not gonna respond? I'll grab out another piece of paper._

**So I take it that you do mean it then? Does that mean that I am dead to you, Bella? That I could get in an accident on the way home and die and you couldn't care less? -E**

Tears filled her eyes and her breathing became somewhat erratic - as though she might have a panic attack. She crumpled up the paper and shoved it off her desk.

I brazenly grabbed out another piece of paper and wrote on it, gingerly placing it on her desk once more.

**I am not trying to upset you, Bella. Please don't read this action as one meant to hurt you. It just...never mind. -E**

**Why are you doing this?**

_Because I am a masochist? Because I enjoy torturing myself? Because I miss you so much that any interaction is worth it...even if you tell me that you wish that I were dead?_

My chest was tight as I dared to look over at Bella. _Goddamn it, I fucking love her so much. Sleep deprived and malnourished aside, she is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen._

**Because...I couldn't live with myself if I didn't tell you how talented I think you are. Because I don't think that I ever told you that...before. -E**

**Why are you doing this?**

**I...I thought that I answered that, Bella? -E**

_What, you want the truth? You want me to tell you that the night that we made love was the best night of my life, once I stopped living inside of my head?_

_I wish I could. But it wouldn't do either of us any good for me to be truthful right now._

**Well, thanks.**

**You are so much better than Forks, Bella. I just...good luck, I guess. -E**

She looked at me, her eyes full of tears and then stared forward.

_Don't cry, Bella. I can't handle it when you cry._

She reached forward and passed the notes back to my desk, and I quickly grabbed them up before anyone was able to see them.

Figuring that I was going to fail the class anyways (and, rightfully so...I didn't do the project. Didn't care to do the project), I got up from my chair and walked out of the classroom.

I walked straight to my car, ignoring everything else. I just...needed to get away. To be by myself so I could mope.

It was there that I cracked and crumbled completely.

Because on the note that Bella was drawing on, she wrote a little something underneath her drawing.

The note said, "souls parted, universes divided ... on the flip side, Shags"

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**E/N:**

**Leave us some love, please? I (Michelle) am posting this before I go to the hospital today (suffering from some REALLY terrible pains that are hopefully not pre-labor pains) and I, the eternal review whore, need your reviews to take my mind off this ridiculous pain that I am having.**

**If I am not going into labor, all of the reviewers will get a teaser for the next chapter lickety split. But if it is labor…all of you wonderful people will have to wait just a bit. You know, so I can, uh, have the baby. And get him home. :)**


	23. The End of McEducation

**A/N: Little Fish, Big Fish is a joint production between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV). Neither of these ladies own the Twilight Franchise, BUT they DO have the best Betas known to mankind (THANK YOU imcarriej and TRDancer!).**

**Hello my lovelies! I (Michelle) am still with child…but shit, I should be shooting this kid out any day now (considering my due date is in four days!). Fret not, the next chapter is up and ready, and Paige has my account info on here so if she needs to, she can update for me :)**

**A HUGE THANK YOU to all of our wonderful readers who have been sending me kind words of support regarding the birth of my child. You are all so very, very, very wonderful!**

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****B****ella POV**  
"Do you think she would've been proud, Jazz?"

"Fo' sure, Bells-a-bub. Who wouldn't be? All grown up and wicked awesome. Smart, beautiful - inside and out- funny, one boob bigger than the other, able to capture the essence of moments... you're a super hero."

"You're a dork, Jazz, but I love you anyway."

"Someone has to love this fine specimen of manhood."

"Manhood. The only man I know who still wears footie pjs."

"No raggin' on my manly lingerie."

Jazz stood behind me and brushed out my hair like _she_ used to do. Today was time served from McEducation; get your dead tree document and skedaddle away to a future of unknowns. It was a day of things fallin' apart and new things risin'.

It was a day I didn't want to face ... at least not all parts.

"Do we have to go? I mean, can't they mail dead tree documents?"

"You gots ta, Bells-a-bub. It would kill the Fuzz if he didn't see you mosey across that stage. He's your Pops, and he cares 'bout you. Give him a good memory before you go."

"Guess you're right, Jazz."

The woman in the mirror stared back at me. Her eyes were dull and somewhat sunken. Her cheeks weren't as full, making her facial bones and jaw line look that much more sharp. Her skin was super pale and even her hair looked like it had lost its happy.

The woman in the mirror was just some faded copy of something that once sparkled. That's what happened when your blood squisher was squished and your soul was torn.

Jazz finished with my locks of unhappy and kissed the top of my head. Even he had been different since the universe collapsed. The close bond we had shared before didn't feel like old slippers. Change was on the horizon.

"Well, Jazz, if we gotta do this, let's go do it."

XXX

My bug-like sunglasses covered my eyes, and I made sure my fedora sat low enough to shield my mug. This fedora was my lucky fedora. Jazz and I had stuck our feather collection into the red band surrounding the hat and a few beads were jauntily pinned to the sides. I needed it to bring me luck and comfort today.

We all sat in some sort of regimented order, waitin' for the dead tree documents that would set us free. It was hot, boring, and I would rather have been hangin' in the forest smokin' a big fatty and chattin' up whatever came to chitter chat. But here we were. At least I was somewhat cool. All the other kids had fancy pants clothes under the dusty old gowns, but I was the wise and opted for cargo shorts and a wife beater. This chick of freedom was not gunna get boob sweat.

The hardest part about the whole hoopla was knowin' that I would see Shags ... Edward. Finishin' out the rest of the school year had been tough. It hurt. Almost more than _she_ swinging. I had begged Jazz to pack up our shit and drive somewhere new, but he had only held me tighter while the tears waterfalled.

Jazz said that it would hurt less in time, but the moment was captured. So every time that moment was looked at, the pain would still be as intense. The whole experience taught me somethin' though. It hardened me. It whispered that I shouldn't go out on that limb and offer out my blood squisher like that. Don't take the plunge until you've thoroughly inspected the waters below.

I saw Shags ... Edward... standin' with Jockus Popularis. And there he was again walkin' across the stage to get his piece of dead tree. And I saw him starin' at me with misery colourin' his Jolly Rancher greens. Dunno what he had to be so miserable about - he's the one that ditched me.

I loved him.

Despite the pain.

But he didn't want me. I was a game - a quick fuck.

The faster I got outta Sporks, the better it would be.

And that was exactly what was happenin' after this hoopla. Landau was already packed and I would be headed back to Toronto to try my hand at some learning at the Ontario College of Art and Design. If that didn't work out, the open road was there like welcoming arms.

Me and the open road.

A new life and a new start.

**EPOV**

"Edward, it's your graduation from high school. Smile, baby, this is something to smile about," Esme said, fussing with the hair that was peeking out of my graduation cap.

_Yeah, it is my graduation, isn't it? A huge fucking surprise that I actually got to this point._

"I am smiling, Esme. Can't you tell?" I plastered on what I could only imagine was the most fake smile I had ever conjured up.

She poked my cheeks, frowning. "What I wouldn't give to see you actually _smile. _None of this fake bullshit, baby, but a real smile."

I looked my mom in the eyes, and it upset me to see the amount of sadness that reflected back at me. "If I could, Mom, I would. For you."

She reached down and grabbed my hand, squeezing it. "I am so proud of you. I know that you will go on and do great things after graduating from this Goddamn shithole of a town."

_Yeah, at least you have faith in me._

As if my mother could read my mind, she grabbed my face with her two hands. "I do have faith in you, Edward. You will not fail; you are my child, and it's not in you to fail." She shook my face. "Do you want to fail me, your mother? Your own flesh and blood? You know what? Don't answer that." She let go of my face and placed a hand over my heart.

"Do it for the man that you don't think that you are, Edward. Succeed, even though you don't think that you can, even though you feel, for some stupid fucking reason, that you are pre-destined to fail." Esme leaned in close and whispered in my ear. "Do it for _her_, baby."

I leaned away from her and frowned. "What makes you think that she gives a flying fuck about what I do with my life? Bella hates me, Esme, and rightfully so."

_I'm not an idiot, I can see the utter disdain that she carries for me. I mean, I can't blame her one bit...I have publicly humiliated her in the worst way, the day after we made love. She confessed her love to me, and I stampeded all over her beautiful heart by telling her that all she was good for was a quick fuck._

_Which, of course, was a complete and utter lie. But she has no idea that it's a lie, and she never will. Because once we graduate, she will never see me again._

_The only way to actually get over her would be to move away. Far, far away._

_Ha. Keep telling yourself that. It doesn't matter if you move to Florida or not; you will never get over Bella._

"Bella doesn't hate you. She's just...hurt. You hurt her badly, Edward. What do you expect her to do? Run up into your arms and tell you that she misses you and forgives you?"

"No, Esme. I expect her to hate me - which she does." I let out a long, exasperated sigh. "She wishes me dead, and I deserve it. I deserve for Bella to wish me dead."

My mom shook her head. "Oh good God, Edward. Maybe the move to Florida really will do you some good. I mean, good Christ, child...this depressive mood is really freaking getting to me! Go to Florida, get some sun, and realize that life is worth living for once! You may regret some of your decisions, but seriously...enough is enough. What's done is done."

_She's right, you know. You need to go to Florida, and find something that you like to do. _

_And get your mind off Bella Swan for the first time since she moved here - if that is even possible._

_Which it isn't. But it's worth a try...because you made your bed, and you can lay in it for the rest of your life._

"Come on, Edward. Get outta that head of yours, baby, and let's get to your graduation. What do you say? And remember, this is a joyous occasion, not a forlorn one."

"Do I have choice?" I joked, a half smile tugging at the corner of my lips.

"No, you do not," Esme replied, a smile mirroring mine playing across her face.

XXX

I wished that Esme had allowed me to skip the graduation ceremony...because it was not worth a single second of my time, or anyone else's, for that matter.

_At least you get to see Bella again._

The ceremony was as cliché as they get. Everyone dressed to the nines in FHS's stock of musty graduation gowns. Jessica Stanley got up at the podium and gave some lame "This is the best time of our lives" blah blah bullshit...and I wanted to pound my head against something hard.

_A wall, a rock, a desk...anything hard, really._

I couldn't help but glance back at Bella during the entire speech. Dressed in the shitty gowns that we were required to wear, she looked...

Tired, strained...lost.

_She doesn't seem to be very happy about graduation, either._

I wanted to talk to her so badly. Ask her what her plans were after graduation, ask her what kind of road trips she would be on this summer, ask her if her work was to be featured in any more shows around the Washington area. But I had burned the bridge that was between Bella and I, which made it completely impossible to be able to ask a single question of her and have her actually answer it.

Besides, it didn't help that since presentation day in media class, Bella refused to look in my direction. I had written her note after note and left them on her desk, not getting a single response back from her.

_Writing notes is such a pussy cop-out, wouldn't you say, Edward? No wonder she wouldn't respond to your notes. I wouldn't either if I were in her position, notes are such a fucking retarded way of communicating because it's trying to talk but not really committing to the conversation._

Regardless of how tired my Bella looked, she was still the most beautiful woman in the world. Not a single other graduation attendee could even hold a candle to Bella.

_How long will you feel this way about Bella? Comparing her to every single person that you see?_

_Probably forever. And ever. And ever._

I shook my head and turned back to look at Esme, who was grinning proudly from the sea of douchebag parents.

_Who is surprised that Carlisle didn't make it to my graduation? Not me - I should have known that he would be too busy to be interrupted to come to something as stupid as seeing his youngest son graduate from high school. It's not like a mile-marker or anything._

_See, Bella? Do you see the crappy life that I spared you from? I am such a miserable piece of shit that my own father couldn't care less if he attends my high school graduation._

Emmett was somewhere in the audience, too; but instead of sitting with my mom, he chose to sit with Rosalie's family.

_I feel so loved. Even my "best friend" hates me right now. Well, I mean, the other person I consider my best friend hates me too...but I don't blame Bella for that for one moment._

Emmett and I had been on shaky ground ever since I had publicly humiliated Bella. While we still talked every once and awhile, I didn't have the close relationship with him that I once had.

A part of me missed my brother, where the other part of me just missed my life before I ruined it in general.

_The key part to remember is that _you _ruined your life for yourself. You have no one else to blame for that._

I decided to stop thinking about my shitty fucking family life and chanced another glance at Bella. _My God, she is so fucking beautiful._

_So fucking perfect for me._

_Why am I doing this to myself? Why the fuck did I have to sabotage my only possible chance at happiness?_

The rest of the graduation passed without any real significance. Even though I didn't feel an ounce of pride for myself as I walked up and shook Principal Meyers' hand and grabbed my diploma, I internally beamed as my Bella walked across the stage and received the same honors I did.

_Not that I didn't think that Bella could graduate, but I was so proud and so happy for her being able to be free of Sporks once and for all._

_Now, she was free to pursue an artistic career, and I couldn't be happier for her._

We tossed our fucking graduation caps (even though we weren't supposed to, due to "safety reasons") and the ceremony was over.

_Thank fucking God._

_Dear FHS: I won't miss you, I won't miss our times together, I won't miss any of your students, save for one._

I watched as Esme tried to make her way over to me to congratulate me on actually passing my classes, but was instead intercepted by a few other mothers that Esme had to pretend to be nice to. She threw me a very panicked smile, and I shrugged my shoulders, knowing that there was nothing that I could do to free her from the gossiping women who were now surrounding her.

_Poor Esme; I know how she hates those Stepford bitches._

Noting the fact that my mother wouldn't be joining me any time soon, I turned my attention to finding Emmett, and it took a while to spot him. As soon as I noticed him, I watched as my brother did something that I wanted to do but knew there was no way in hell that I could have the guts to do. He walked up to Bella and pulled her into a tight embrace.

_Out of all of the "friends" that Emmett has within my graduating class, Emmett chooses to go say hi to Bella?_

_Even he knows that she is worth more than anyone else around this shithole of a town. _

I inched closer to them so I could hear what they were saying.

_I am a creep, a complete and total creep._

"Bella," I heard him say. "Congrats."

"Oh, hey, Captn' T. Thanks. You here with Rosalie?"

_She is talking to him? Oh my fuck, what I wouldn't give to be Emmett right now._

"Oh, yeah, I am. She's...she's over there, taking pictures with her family."

"You enjoyin' college?"

"Of course I am! I have loved being away from this craphole, even though I'm back for the summer now." _Ask her where she is going, Emmett! Please, for the love of God, ask her where she is going to go. "_Any big plans for you now that you are a high school graduate yourself?"

_Thank you so much for somehow reading my mind._

"Whatcha takin' again? Dunno if you told me." She was clearly deflecting the conversation from herself.

_Don't fall for it. Ask her what her plans are, Emmett. Please, for the love of God, change the topic back to her. "_I don't think that I did tell you, Bella. I am actually still undecided right now. What about you?"

"I'm brainin' that I will go study photography. That's the plan, unless I figure somethin' else out by the time I get there."

My heart swelled as I thought of Bella pursuing her dreams. I pictured her and Jasper and Alice having a wonderful summer taking pictures and being free and expanding their consciousness before they all headed to college together with Bella as a photography major.

"Photography, eh? Good for you. You know, I love a girl who knows what she wants and goes after it."

"But who knows? Once I get there, I may wanna just chill and do my own thing."

"It would be a shame if you did that," Emmett said, smiling. "The pictures of yours that I have seen are fucking amazing. I hope that you pursue it if it truly interests you - you could have a great future in that."

"Maybe. I'll let the universe decide. Rose goin' to the same college as you?"

_Stop switching the topic to Emmett and Rosalie. I don't want to hear about them, I want to hear about you, Bella. I want to know that you are going to do well for yourself and that you are going to be happy._

"Of course. And thank God she is...I need her familiar face there because a lot of the friends that I made this year have either dropped out or transferred to another college."

_Huh. I didn't know that. I guess I must have been too fucking self-absorbed to even ask my brother how he was doing this semester. _

_I really am a piece of shit. _

"That's the shit balls. Well, you'll have Rosalie now. Hopefully it will be better."

"It will be, I'm sure." He scratched the back of his neck. "Your best friend, uhm, what's his name? Oh, right, Jasper. Is he coming with you?"

"Uhm, nope. Jazz is gunna stay here with Pixie and go to some school close by."

_Wait. What? Bella...is going...alone? Without her best friend? How are they going to stay peas in a pod? How are they going to be able to sleep without each other? _

My mind was racing a mile a minute.

"Oh, really? Where are you going then? I kind of figured that you were going to probably stay around here yourself."

"Jazz and Pixie wanna make a go of it together and I'm all 18th wheel. There is a good arts school in Toronto holdin' a spot for me. So... yeah, see how it goes."

_Toronto? I want to cry. That is far, too far away from Jasper and Alice and the police chief and all parts of Bella's unique support system._

"Well, I will miss you, Bella. Kinda wished you would be staying around here for selfish reasons. You know, it's nice being around someone who is real every once and a while."

_Real? Emmett, Bella is...perfection. The description of "real" doesn't do her justice._

"Thanks Captn' T. You're a good apple. You take good care of yourself."

"You too, Bella. You take care, and, uhm, I'm, uh, really sorry. And I think I need to tell you that Esme misses you too, she'd kill me if I talked to you and didn't tell you that."

"Yeah... no sorries. Um, just... see you all on the flip side."

_No! Don't leave! I am not ready to see you leave._

"Bella, wait!" my brother yelled to Bella just as she was walking away. "I didn't mean to upset you at all."

Bella stopped and turned around, a smile playing on her lips. She wrapped her arms around my brother briefly before heading over to her hearse.

My heart beat plummeted as jealousy coursed through my veins. I wanted so badly to be the person that she was able to hug, but I knew that I couldn't be that person anymore.

_Ever again. May as well accept the fact that it is your brother that is able to hug her instead of you and get over the fact that you can't touch her yourself._

I quietly made my way through the crowd, getting closer to Bella with each silent step.

_Yeah, I am feeling like a stalker as I am following her out to her vehicle. So the fuck what? Esme is still tied up and I have to see her one last time._

Her family also followed her to her vehicle, and Bella paused to shake Charlie's hand before turning and hugging Jasper in the tightest hug I have ever seen her give anyone. I wasn't able to see her face before she got into her hearse alone, and I kept trying to see what kind of expression she was wearing before she left Forks for good.

But I didn't get to see her beautiful face one last time. Instead, it was the image of Bella's hearse as it drove farther away from me that haunted me in my dreams for the next decade or so.

Because I didn't see Bella again for another fourteen years.

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**E/N:**

**Leave us some love…please? I promise that as long as I am not in the hospital, I will leave you a teaser for the next chapter. AND I kinda think that this may be the kind of chapter that you guys are going to want a teaser for. A lot can happen in fourteen years...  
**

**Oh, and if you guys are looking for something wonderful to read, check out "Sinnerman****" by Detochkina (www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5816837/1/Sinnerman ). ****This story is beyond amazing…seriously. Check it out! Detochkina is also my hero...just sayin... **


	24. Time Flies

**A/N: This is a joint production between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie. And although neither of them own anything Twilight, they don't care; because they would rather own Robert Pattinson. (Yeah, that might just be my hormones talking…whatever.)**

**A huge THANK YOU to our betas, imcarriej and TRDancer. They would rock my socks off…if I wore any. So I guess it's that they rock my sandals off?**

**This chapter is my and Paige's "you are so lucky that Michelle hasn't had her baby yet" present to you guys. Hope you enjoy!**

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****E****dward POV**

"Edward, you have a phone call holding for you on line two. Did you want to take it, or did you want me to take a message?"

I looked down at my watch. "I'll take it, Gianna. I have some time before I need to leave the office anyway."

I walked over to my desk and picked up the phone. Tucking it between my ear and my shoulders, I rolled my sleeves as I answered. "Edward Cullen speaking."

"You sound like such a douchebag when you answer the phone like that, bro."

I smiled to myself. _Typical Emmett._

"Didn't know it was you, asswipe. Besides, how would you prefer that I answer the phone?"

"A simple 'hello' would probably do you just fine."

I smirked again. "But then the caller wouldn't know who they are speaking with."

"They called you, E, of course they know who the fuck they are talking to."

"It's a professional front, big brother. Nothing more than that." I ran a hand through my hair and sighed. "But yeah, I do sound like a douche when I answer the phone. Maybe I should just answer the phone with a simple, 'sup?'"

Emmett let out a hearty laugh. "You are what, thirty...two? I don't think that you are allowed to say 'sup' anymore."

"Eh," I shrugged, "age ain't nothing but a number."

"You just aged yourself with that phrase, my friend."

_He had a point there. "_Well, at least I don't have kids to age me like you do."

Emmett laughed again. _It's nice to hear that sound, especially after the stress that he has gone through over these last few years._

You see, my brother was living "the good life"; the kind of life that most Americans dream about- the wife, three kids, dog and a white picket fence. My brother's "ideal" fell apart about four years ago, when his charming wife, whom I have been able to see through since the day that she stepped foot into Forks, showed my brother her true colors.

By cheating on him.

With our father.

Yes, my mother caught Carlisle fucking the shit out of Rosalie (quite literally, apparently she is quite fond of anal) on top of the pool table in my family's rec room.

Needless to say, our family lawyer has never been as busy as he was the day after Esme made that discovery, because Emmett and Esme immediately filed for divorces from their spouses.

Not that a single person could blame them.

_Can't say I didn't see something terrible like that coming from the scum that Rosalie and Carlisle are, though. How either of those marriages lasted as long as they did is beyond me._

The part of me that loves my mother and brother felt bad over the situation. Neither one of them deserved what was dealt to them by their significant others; in fact, what Carlisle and Rosalie did was downright shameful.

However, there was a part of me that was not upset over what had happened, and that was the part of me that had always known that my brother and mother deserved more than what they had.

I spent most of my time during those years picking up the shattered pieces that my father and ex-sister-in-law left behind. Emmett and Esme were both the kind of people who loved with their whole heart (_much like me, once I realized that what I was feeling was love_), and they did not heal quickly or easily.

It added extra insult to injury when Rosalie started questioning the paternity of Emmett's three children: Chelsea, Carmen, and Felix. Through extensive testing, that Emmett paid for with money that Esme gave him, our family was both shocked and appalled to find out that Emmett's youngest, his only son, was actually not his son, but our father's.

The fact that Emmett had been raising his half-brother as his own son for two years killed him. It also very nearly killed my father, as Emmett went over to the shit apartment that he had been living in with a shot gun, and... attempted to use it. Thank God I had no life and spent a large majority of my practically non-existent free time at the gym, because there would have been no way that I would've been able to take down an ex-NFL player if I hadn't.

I couldn't imagine that would I ever try and stop someone from killing my piece of shit father, as I had wanted to kill him myself for so many years. But I could not handle the idea of my big brother, _my best friend_, going to jail and spending any amount of time away from his kids, even though one of them wasn't even his.

Parting with some particularly painful words aimed at both my father and his new live-in girlfriend, Rosalie, Emmett vowed to become the best dad in the world to his three young children.

And he has never done anything short of that.

"Esme was asking when you were going to come home next. She really misses you, you know."

I frowned, looking at the pictures of my beautiful nieces and nephew that I had proudly displayed on my desk. "I know. I miss everyone too, Emmett. It's just...you know how work is right now. I work late nights, and the kids are in bed by the time I am done."

I could hear Emmett sigh on the other end of the line.

_Truthfully, my brother was the best dad I have ever had the honor to watch, and Esme...well, it was as if she was born to be a grandmother._ _How Emmett grew up to be a wonderful father when he had the worst role model known to mankind is absolutely no mystery to me. "Old Edward", the Edward of 14 years ago, would have been bitter and disbelieving to the fact that someone could pull themselves up from the influence of an ill-natured father figure and prove themselves to be better than what they were taught._

_But old Edward died when Shaggy died. _

_Now I know that I need to be better than the man who loved - and lost - the most amazing woman he had ever met. That was a lifetime ago, a lifetime of lessons have been learned since then; and I am a better person after having learned from my stupid, immature mistakes._

"Take some time off, bro. It's not like things will fall apart without you."

_He has a point. But what Emmett doesn't get is the fact that while he has a beautiful family, work and all of the people that I have working for me is the family that I have built for myself. Still, I miss my family, and the kids are growing up way too fast. I don't want to be the deadbeat uncle, do I? _

_Not at all. If I can't have a family of my own, I may as well live vicariously through my brother's, right?_

_"_I'll stop by this weekend. I'll take the kids out to dinner, maybe take the girls shopping? Take Felix to a game or something?"

"You don't need to 'buy their love', E. They love you no matter what. I mean, you _are _their favorite uncle."

I laughed and shook my head. "I'm their _only _uncle, Emmett."

"My point exactly."

"Right." I thumbed through some paper on my desk making sure that the documents that I needed were in order. "You call for a reason, other than to guilt me into spending time with the family?"

"Ouch, man; I need a reason to call my baby brother?"

I raised an eyebrow and pursed my lips and stayed silent.

"Okay, so maybe I had a reason to call you. Whatever."

"Right. So...?"

"You have to do something for me, E."

"Emmett, just ask. If my schedule allows it, you know I will be there for you."

_Have I ever done anything to prove otherwise? Over the past decade, I have tried my hardest to be the best person that I could be. Even if it's something that I don't want to do, or something that I would rather skip..._

"You have to come to a charity event with me, Edward. Please? I mean, I don't have a date or anything, and it's not that I really need a date, I just hate going alone because I used to go with..." Emmett babbled, not even stopping to take a breath.

_Spazzing out, huh? This must mean a lot to him._

"Emmett, it's fine. When is this event?"

"In a couple of weeks. I can message Gianna and give her the date to make sure that your schedule allows it."

"If I can go, I..." I scrubbed my hand over my face before taking a deep breath. "But you know what? If it means a lot to you, then...I will come. No matter what."

_Work, regardless of how prevalent it is in my life, is never more important than family, right? Besides, there has to be an upside to the fact that I own my own business. Maybe I will finally take advantage of that idea that technically, there is no one who can tell me "no." _

"Thanks, bro, I fucking owe you big time."

"Nah, think nothing of it."

We exchanged a few more pleasantries and I hung up the phone, feeling satisfied and stressed at the same time.

_How is it that Emmett knows how to turn my normally boring life into something else? That man has a talent._

XXX

I walked into the two bedroom house that I owned and started unbuttoning my shirt. I laid the shirt on the couch and started looking around.

"Mr. Pattinson, I'm home."

Silence.

"Hey, Mr. Pattinson, where the fuck are you?"

I heard the jingling of dog tags as my lazy English Bulldog trotted out of the kitchen and plopped himself onto the ottoman beside me.

_Yep. Esme's cure for me being lonely was to get me a dog. I mean, it makes sense, right? I refuse to ever be in another relationship after..._

_...Her..._

_...And it's not like I would ever want a roommate or anything. So, pet it would be, I guess._

I patted Mr. Pattinson's head and pushed him over to make room as I sat down.

My thoughts drifted to my conversation with Emmett earlier on today. _The fact that I thought about her for the first time in a while didn't help, either._

_I wonder what she is doing right now. Wonder if she ever thinks about me, or questions herself about what it is that I could have possibly ended up doing with my life._

_Bet she wouldn't imagine me doing what I do._

Mr. Pattinson looked up at me and drooled. _Ewww, dog drool. Thanks, Esme, could have done without a dog that has huge ass jowls and shit._

Even though I knew it was pointless, I thought about her again.

_Is she happily married?_

_Does she have a family?_

_I am sure she isn't alone. She just...is too good to be alone. Too good to not be married, in fact. _

My mind flashed to my senior year of high school.

_What if I hadn't broken up with her? Would she be here with me now?_

_Jesus Christ, Cullen. There are no "what-ifs" in this world. Get over it._

I leaned forward and grabbed the newspaper that I had on the end table next to me. Not that it particularly interested me, I started reading the front page.

**Economy on Upswing, Housing Market Still Suffering.**

_Fuck that. The housing market is fine...as long as you look in the right places. I know what I am talking about; I have been personally involved with the housing market since I graduated high school. Believe me when I say that I made sure that the suffering economy didn't affect my businesses in every way possible._

Once I had graduated from FHS, I had decided that I wanted to move down to Florida to, in short, put everything behind me.

But putting distance between me and the problems that I had created for myself didn't do anything for healing my then-pathetic psyche. So I did the only thing that I could think of doing: I threw myself into working. Since the only thing that I had ever done for a job was work in construction, I started working as a grunt at a small, family-owned construction company.

Working as a "grunt" at another construction company proved to be a character builder. Always being stuck with the difficult jobs that no one else wanted to do and getting paid minimum wage while doing said shitty jobs made me...humble. And it made me appreciate the day that I was promoted. Which didn't take too long (it happened before the first summer was over) because I didn't have a social life and was able to work from sunrise to sunset without a complaint_._

Once school started up (and the building season was winding down anyways) I attended classes at FSU as a business major. I wasn't too sure what I wanted to do with my life yet, so I figured that majoring in business was a good starting point.

It turned out to be a perfect starting point. Because when the business that I was working for decided to sell (the patriarch of the family passed away, leaving the business to his sons. They didn't want the company, so they were selling it), I decided to purchase it right away.

_Thank you, Esme, for the start-up capital that I needed._

My mom hadn't been able to do much for me once I left for college immediately after my graduation from Forks, but she had been constantly funnelling money into my account, regardless of the fact that I told her I was working and didn't need it. My famous author of a mother insisted that the only thing she wanted to use her money for was to take care of her babies.

_Her babies being grown-ass men who were both living outside of the house that she had raised them in._

Honestly, I felt guilty taking the money that my mom had given me to help me purchase the construction company. But the business savvy part of me knew that I wanted to keep the company that I was working for intact, and purchasing it was the only way to guarantee that, so Esme became a silent partner in my business, EA Platt Construction.

She didn't stay a silent partner for long. I was able to take the company, and with a few tweaks to the already-existent staff, made it terribly profitable and buy her out.

Taking a chance, I purchased a second company and added to what Emmett jokingly called the "EA Platt Empire". It wasn't long before the second company that I purchased was successfully running on its own, making a very handsome profit, and... boring me to death.

As my brother was at home in Seattle, making babies with his slut of a wife and focusing on his mildly successful NFL career, I contemplated purchasing a third company, this one in Georgia. I did purchase it, and of course, made it very successful, and... promptly got bored again.

Striving toward excellence in my professional life made my personal life blend into the background even more than it already had.

_As if I wanted a personal life anyways. Working my ass off was incredibly fulfilling, I didn't need anything else._

_Whenever a "need" would arise, I would find a way to fulfill that need._

My policy of "one night stands only" arose in my junior year in college. I had been celibate since..._that night_. Add in the fact that I had been drinking, one thing lead to another, and...

I realized that I missed sex. Not sex that meant anything, because I had only had it as a meaningful experience that one time, but sex. Fucking. Using something that wasn't my hand.

With that, I never let it get past just being an easy fuck. Through everything, I still had my good looks, and I used that to my advantage, getting anything that I wanted. _Which was usually the exact opposite of _her_; blond hair and blue eyes were my specialty._ Every woman that I bedded knew that I wasn't in it for anything other than just the fuck, so that worked out for me, I guess.

I realized that no relationship equalled no hurt. So the fucking would always happen outside of my house, because I didn't want someone getting clingy. I didn't even want anyone to know where I lived, to be honest. No numbers were ever exchanged, and I didn't go on dates or even pretend that I wanted anything other than needing to fulfill my sexual needs.

_Yeah, it's sleazy, I freely admit it. But I am 100% okay with that._

_I mean, it's not like it happened all the time. Just whenever I got that...itch to be around a woman. An itch that I could not satisfy any other way._

_The other way, a relationship, was not an option for me. Never again._

_None of the women that I was ever with could ever hold a candle to _her. _No matter how hot she was, how kinky her role playing was, or how drunk I was, nothing ever compared to that one night that I shared all of those years ago._

_And I am fine with that. I convinced myself that I don't need any more of that in my life, I could function without it._

So, for simple companionship, Es got me a dog. My adorable niece named it Mr. Pattinson, after some guy that she saw on television that was English ("Duh, uncle E. English. English BULLDOG. It makes sense!"), and we have been sharing my house for the last three years.

I had moved back to Seattle from Florida four years ago, right after everything that had blown up between my father, my brother, and my skank sister-in-law. I needed to be close to my family, who was also living in Seattle, and I needed to be there for the two people who helped me through the massive amount of hurt that I had caused myself over a decade ago.

I didn't miss Florida one bit. Well, I missed the automatic tan that I would get just from walking out my front door, but other than that? I was able to easily walk away from the companies that I had built into successful businesses. All in all, I had accumulated seven "EA Platt Construction" companies, and was able to sell them off for quite a pretty penny.

Let's just say that my initial investment had multiplied itself by...a lot. I was going to be able to live happily and worry free for the rest of my life.

And my nieces and nephew would be able to, too.

And their kids. And their kids kids, too.

Of course, I got bored once I got up to Seattle. So I started my own company from the ground up, the first project being the house that I currently lived in. It was the first house that I had completely designed by myself and worked with a very small crew because I wanted the majority of the work to be done with my own hands. I was proud that I had seen a project through from its inception; from the dirt work, framing, carpentry, and finishing trim work.

My house, as small as it was (I mean, I didn't need a mansion for my dog and I; just a spare bedroom for when my nieces and nephew visited), I received very high praises when it was displayed in Seattle's Parade of Homes. Couple that with my past experience in the south, and it didn't take long for my business to be "the company to build with" in Washington.

My clientele consisted of Seattle's elite, so while there may not be many houses being built at once, the ones that were being built were large and extravagant and enough to keep my employees busy at all times of the year, regardless of the economic climate being as it was at the moment.

But truth be told, I was...stuck. I felt like there was something out there that was just out of my reach and I kept missing it, that maybe I was meant to be doing something else with my free time, other than cater to rich snobs who have no idea what house design is until my crew helped them out.

_Maybe I need a hobby._

Either way, every time my assistant Gianna would joke that her husband (my yard foreman and number one go-to guy) wanted to buy the company from me, a little part of me wanted to actually get rid of it and sell it to them.

_I think you need a drink, man._

I nudged Mr. Pattinson, who was now laying on my upper leg, and forced him to move over a little bit so I could grab my cellphone.

_Eh, it's early enough. May as well go out and grab a beer by myself._

_And maybe relieve a little bit of this "itch" that just arose. Nothing like thinking about how lonely I am to remind me that this is a lifestyle that I have chosen for myself. Time to get rid of those feelings, right?_

_A beer will do me good._

I got up from my chair and dressed quickly in my standard "one night stand" get-up, which consisted of a black button up and some dark jeans. _Nothing memorable, nothing that stands out, nothing special._

I made sure that my hair was laying decently and that I didn't have any residual dog hair on my clothing (nothing says "fuck me" like dog hair on a black shirt) before I walked out the door and to my vehicle.

I normally liked to drive my beat-up work truck to the bar when I know that I am looking for "companionship" because I wasn't looking to impress anyone, so I hopped into it without questioning a thing about the mud that was caked on the side of the truck.

_I like to think that I send off a vibe of "unavailable". Maybe make the woman that I'm fucking think that I am cheating on my wife or something, that's why everything has to be the way it is. I am unavailable, so it wouldn't bother me if they thought that I was cheating when they hooked up with me. Whatever makes them feel better, I guess..._

I got to the bar, parked my truck, and headed into the club.

_The women here were caught up in how they looked - they dyed their hair blonde, wore far too much makeup, spent far too much money on their ridiculous designer wardrobe._

And they were that much more different than her.

I walked in and immediately headed over to the bar to get myself a drink. I spotted a blonde with shoulder-length hair sitting across the room, and she immediately started in with the traditional "drunk girl" way of flirting: biting her lip and playing with her hair.

Regardless of the fact that she was sitting with a group of women (whom I assumed to be her friends), I made my way over to her as soon as I had my beer in my hand. It didn't take long to assess the fact that yes, she was interested in going "home" with me.

_"Home", being the shitty little hotel that I would be taking her to. Like the bars that I frequented, I switched off from various hotels when I when I would bring...a...distraction...back with me._

I bought her a few drinks, said some pretty words (but not such pretty words where she would think that any of what I was doing would mean anything), and lead her out of the club to satisfy the need that had been building in my gut.

_This girl isn't the brunette that I loved. _

_No other girl ever would be, and I was fine with that._

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_**E/N:**

**That wasn't so bad, was it?  
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**Leave us some love? Please? It's my due date today and there is no sign that this little kid is coming out anytime soon. I think that I really need your reviews…getting them is 100% better than getting the "have you had your baby yet?" messages that my friends/family keep sending me!**

**(Which is, by the way, making me want to shut my damn phone off. Seriously.)**

**Oh, and each reviewer gets a teaser; and chapter 25 is a pretty exciting one! (B/E interaction, perhaps? :) )**


	25. The Notion of Charity

**Paige here with another exciting chappy of LFBF. I'm terribly sorry if the formatting is all wonky ... I'm an idiot when it comes to . **

**In exciting news ... Michelle had her baby! She and the little one are doing well (baby is UBER CUTE!). Sooooo ... bad news ... LFBF will be on a bit of a vacation until Michelle has some time to write again. But until then, enjoy the chapter and leave us some lurve at the end!**

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**Edward POV**

"Uncle E, since you are going to the charity ball with Daddy, does that make you Daddy's date?"

_Astute little one, isn't she?_

I ruffled up Carmen's hair, causing her to wrinkle her nose at me. "I guess it would make me his man date, Carm. But you know what? It's what you do for your siblings. When they need you, you are there for them, even if you have to be their date."

"But I won't ever be a man date. 'Cause I am a woman."

_Smartass eight year old has her grandmother's logic. Fuck, this kid is amazing._

"Touché." I smiled and ran a hand through my hair.

"That means that you don't have anything else to add to the conversation, doesn't it?"

_How the hell did she get so smart? I remember when Emmett was having a hard time getting her to potty train because she kept reverting to the diaper once her baby brother was born. When did she grow up into this miniature intellectual?_

"Yep," I said as I watched my brother walk into the room and grab Carmen into a big hug, causing her to burst into giggles.

"Baby, are you giving your uncle a hard time?" Emmett questioned, squeezing his giggling daughter.

"Of course I am, Daddy."

Emmett smiled and kissed his daughter on the cheek. "That's my little princess."

My brother placed his daughter back on the ground and turned to me. "Guess you clean up well, huh?"

I scowled at him. "I guess the same could be said about you."

He smiled. "Yeah, but normally I don't have to clean up. You, on the other hand, like to roll around in the dirt all day."

"Smartass. You know I only get dirty when I have to."

"That's what she said," Emmett quipped.

"What does that mean, Daddy?" a curious Carmen questioned.

_Shit. I am pretty sure that Emmett forgot that we were around his impressionable daughter._

"It means...well, it means..." Emmett replied, struggling to find the right words.

"It's something that you will understand when you are old and grey, baby girl. Your daddy has no idea what he is talking about," I offered, trying to save my brother from himself.

_I mean, honestly, he is with these children all the fucking time. How has he not learned to censor himself yet? He must have some pretty crazy conversations with his kids, trying to cover his tracks from all of the ridiculous and unnecessary things that he says._

_My brother is amazing, and truthfully my best friend, because he is so fucking crazy. His family makes life worth living._

"Yeah, so, uhm, we should get going." Emmett started inching towards the door, hoping that his daughter would drop the subject.

"That's what she said!" Carmen happily exclaimed, ignoring my earlier explanation.

I tried not to smile as I shook my head. _Hold the smile in, Edward. You can't let her see that you are amused when you are reprimanding her._ "You aren't old and gray, baby, so you are far too young to use that phrase. Got it?"

She nodded. "Yes, Uncle E."

"Good, honey." I leaned down and kissed the top of her forehead.

Emmett said his goodbyes to his children and the babysitter, and I gave my nieces and nephew big hugs before we walked out the front door to the limo that was waiting for us.

"A limo? Really, Emmett?"

"What?" my brother questioned before punching me in the arm. "Okay, so I am a fucking loser and I am taking my brother to a Goddamn fundraiser. Might as well revel in the fact that I don't have a real date, huh?"

"Whatever floats your boat, Emmett. Don't forget the fact that I never have a real date to these kinds of things either. If it were me, I would end up taking Gianna, who is a paid employee."

"You must pay her a good amount of money for her to be able to put up with your ass."

I smirked. "Oh, I do."

_No, you really don't, though. That poor woman has to deal with the fact that other than the female family members that you have in your life, she is the only woman that you associate with on a regular basis._

_That has to be a lot of pressure, doesn't it?_

We arrived at the fundraiser, and Emmett immediately took off to see some of his other former NFL teammates.

Completely left alone, I walked up to the bar and surveyed the room. I was pleasantly surprised to see Esme's best friend, Bree Tanner, mingling among the attendees of the fundraiser. I grabbed my drink from the bartender as soon as it was placed in front of me and quickly made my way over to her.

"Bree, so great to see you." I reached out and grabbed her hand, bringing it up to my lips to give it a kiss.

"Edward! I'm surprised to see you here! How are you?"

"I am fine. Here with Emmett, of course." I paused and smiled. "What have you been up to? I am equally surprised to see you myself."

"Oh, I keep myself busy in this and that. They wanted my money tonight, so here I am."

"Of course, of course." I squeezed her hand and let it go. "Anything interesting keeping you busy lately?" I knew that Bree was involved quite often with some pretty interesting projects, and I was genuinely interested in what she was up to.

"Nothing extremely interesting, but I did just hear something that piqued my curiosity."

I raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

"There is this little film studio based in Seattle that produces indie movies. They used to be quite good, but in the past few years their films have gone downhill. A little birdie told me that the studio is floundering and looking for a cash infusion."

_Interesting. This sounds like...something new. Something different. Something...that would break the monotony of my life. "_Have they been successful at all in finding anyone who would be able to help out with their...monetary issues?"

_I wonder what kind of projects they are looking into doing..._

"It didn't sound like they have found anyone interested."

"Hmmm." I swirled the liquid in my drink glass for a moment before looking Bree in the eyes. "Does this project have the potential to be successful, or does it sound like it would be something that someone would lose their back on?" _Not like it matters, you could afford to lose your back on something. A few times over, in fact._

"I don't know all the details, but I imagine that with careful planning and some hard work it could be successful."

I licked my lips. "How would one go about getting the details about this business venture?"

"Well, if one were interested, I think I might be able to acquire those details. Do you know an interested party, Edward?"

"Perhaps, Bree." I smiled at the woman in front of me again, relishing in her presence. Bree reminded me so much of my mother, so much of the happy times that we shared together - moments that weren't marred by unhappy memories of my father.

"Give me a call this week, Edward, and I will pass along my findings. I think it might be an interesting project."

"Will do, Bree. It was absolutely wonderful to see you."

"You too, Edward. I have a feeling we will be seeing a lot more of each other in the near future."

I gave Bree a quick, tight hug before I released her to go look for Emmett again.

I wandered through the crowd of beautiful and rich people (you know, the only kind of people that they invite to events like this), before I spotted what appeared to by my former football teammate, and now NFL superstar, Jayson.

_Nah, it couldn't be...could it?_

I walked closer, and sure enough it was him. Other than seeing him on TV, I hadn't seen Jayson since our high school days on the football team. And tonight he wasn't alone. His very female companion stood beside him wearing a backless dress that hugged her hourglass curves perfectly. From behind, she was exquisite. My dick got hard just looking at her back.

_Yeah, she's got brunette hair, but I think that I could forget that fact for just one night. Maybe I could convince her to pull all of her hair back in a tight ponytail or something..._

Before I was able to open my mouth to greet him, he walked away from the woman, leaving her alone.

It was at that moment that she turned around and I was able to see her face.

_It's...her._

My mouth went dry instantly as I took in the sight of _her_...of..._my Bella._

_She is still the most beautiful woman I have ever seen in my entire life._

"B-Bella?" I questioned, having a hard time speaking. It was the first time that I had said her name out loud in well over a decade.

_Obviously you are having a hard time speaking, Cullen. The woman who has completely owned your heart for the last fourteen fucking years is standing right in front of you, looking beyond perfect._

"Mr. Cullen... I'm ... Surprised to see you here."

_"Mr. Cullen"? Right. The formal title makes sense. She doesn't know you anymore, and you don't know her anymore either. "_Same could be said about you, Ms...? I'm sorry, I know it is rude to ask, but...I am not quite sure what your last name is now, Bella."

"You can call me Isabella, or Ms. Swan. I haven't gone by Bella in a long time."

_Her still using her last name doesn't mean anything. Many women out there still go by their maiden name, even after marriage._

"Well, Isabella, please call me Edward. I try not to go by 'Mr. Cullen'. Too formal, you know?" I tried to smile my confident smile, but I am sure that I fell flat.

_Fucking snap out of it! You don't need to feel like the teenage boy that you were when you last saw this woman. A lot has happened, and you aren't that teenager anymore._

"I'll try to remember that, Mr. Cullen."

_Still not gonna call me Edward? Right. Hardball it is, huh? Makes sense, I guess. "_So, Ms. Swan, what have you been up to all of these years? It's been what... almost fifteen years since I saw you last, hasn't it?" I tried to keep myself in check as I studied her eyes, which were lined with smoky makeup that made her irises fucking smoulder.

This Bella looked so different from my Bella...the eye makeup and pouty lips made her look...

Beyond fucking hot.

_Time has done Bella well, hasn't it? And here I was thinking that she couldn't get any more attractive than she did when we were teenagers. What a fucking joke!_

"I've been working, Mr. Cullen, and living - what most people do when they leave high school."

I couldn't help the twinge of pain that made my heart stutter once Bella said that; once she talked to me like the idiot that I was in high school.

_Hold it together, Edward. She has a point, doesn't she? "_Glad to hear it, Isabella. Although, I figured as much, considering that you are standing right here." _Here, at a charity ball of all places._ I walked a little bit closer to her, but resisted the urge to touch her in anyway. "What, exactly, do you do for a living?"

"I work in the film industry, and you, Mr. Cullen? What have you been doing with your days?"

_Entrepreneur? No, you sound like a dick when you call yourself that. Tell Bella the truth, there is no reason not to. "_I work in construction," I replied simply, taking a sip from my drink.

"Construction? Interesting. How are your family? Emmett? Your mother?"

I raised an eyebrow. _Don't want to know how I am, huh? Doesn't surprise me, but still..._

"I enjoy what I do, and construction has proven to be a successful venture for me." I paused and looked around the room, seeing if I could spot Emmett anywhere nearby. "My family is...well. Uhm. The calm _after_ the storm has been fine, I guess you could say. Esme is doing wonderful with her new husband, Mr. Marcus; and Emmett, well, Emmett is Emmett."

"Your mother divorced?"

"Yes, and so did Emmett. One big happy family we are, to be honest. At least Rosalie gave Emmett three of the most beautiful children ever before she..."

_Funny how you are spilling your guts, and your painful family history, to Bella after not seeing her once since high school._

"Before she?" Bella arched a brow.

I shook my head and drank from my drink again. "Before she...ruined her family." _Good save! Don't need to air your brother's dirty laundry out for Bella after talking to her for two minutes. Jesus, it's not even your fucking story to tell. _

"I could always see Emmett as a father. I'm glad he's enjoying fatherhood."

"Of course he is, he lives for his children. Do you have any kids yourself, Bella?"

_And she is going to correct me calling her Bella in three, two, one..._

"It's Isabella, and no. You?"

I laughed at the idea of me having children. Actually laughed. "No, not...a possibility for me, I guess." I couldn't help the second laugh that came out, and I tried to stifle it by taking another sip from my drink.

_Lookie here, my drink is gone._

"Don't like children?"

"No, I love children. I don't know what I would do without my nieces and nephew, actually." I looked around the room again, this time hoping to spot a waiter carrying some drinks.

_Not that I necessarily need another drink, I just..._

_...Yeah, I need another drink. Who am I trying to fool?_

A waiter walked by with a tray of champagne and I reached for a flute, internally laughing that I was drinking champagne by myself.

In front of Isabella Swan, no less. How emasculating.

"Sounds like you are doing well, and are happy. I'm glad."

"Ah, yes. Well and happy." _Lonely, too, on my own accord - but whatever. "_And yourself in the film industry. How is that treating you?"

"No complaints. It keeps me busy."

_Keeps her busy? That doesn't sound very...promising. Not in the least. _

_What can I ask her that isn't prying...but kind of is? Something that can get me the information that I want to know without coming right out and saying it?_

"How is Jasper?" _Good choice. You always assumed that they would get married, right? _I took a sip of my champagne and congratulated myself on forming that question.

"Jasper is fine. He and Alice have a couple of kids, live in Vancouver."

I choked on the little bit of alcohol that I still hadn't swallowed yet. "I'm sorry, I always assumed that you and Jasper would have gotten married. But he lives with Alice in Canada? And you live here, in Seattle?"

_Duh, of course she didn't marry Jasper; she is at this fundraiser with Jayson._

_Wait. She is with Jayson. Why didn't I think of that earlier?_

"Jasper and I parted ways after high school. I talk to him once in a while. They have a lovely home in Vancouver and I'm in L.A."

"But...peas in a pod? How...how can you live so far away from each other, Bella?" _I may have been a dense fucking idiot in high school, but what Bella and Jasper had - that was real friendship. They were like fucking family, and shared a bond like none other than I had ever seen before. _

"People grow up, Mr. Cullen."

I almost stuttered on my words before they died in my throat. _Just because they grow up doesn't mean that things have to change like that. Change as in stop being as good of friends as they used to be. Change as in grow completely apart._

_Clearly this is a sensitive subject. So...moving on._

"So how long have you and Jayson been together?"

"We've been in touch since high school."

"Are you purposely being evasive, or do you really not want to tell me anything about yourself, Bella?"

"It's Isabella, Mr. Cullen. I'd appreciate it if you addressed me as such. I'm not being evasive. I've escorted Jayson here at his request... enjoying a nice evening with a good friend."

"My apologies, IsaBELLA. Even your phrasing of you 'escorting' Jayson is evasive. Here you could be implying many things, one of which is completely unsavory." I shook my head as I realized how immature and invasive I was acting. "So sorry, that was terribly rude of me. If you don't want to share details of your life with me, who am I to say anything about it?"

"My, my, Mr. Cullen. Some things never change, and yet here you are a changed man."

"Please, Isabella, it's Edward. I am sure you can tell that 'Mr Cullen' holds negative connotations unless used in a strictly business environment. And since neither you nor I are talking business, per se..."

"Fine, Edward..."

I ran a hand through my hair and admired Isabella again. Her style in clothes had definitely changed a bit, but it was still unique. _And still utterly gorgeous. _

"You said that you live in LA. How long are you here for?"

"I'm only here for another week or so. I was visiting my father and Jayson."

_Okay, so...she probably isn't dating Jayson if she is just visiting for a week then. They are probably just good friends. Right. Keep telling yourself that. As if it even matters, anyways. Bella shouldn't be alone like you, she deserves the best life can give her._

"Any fun plans, or...?"

"Not really. One of the galleries here is showing some of my photography, but other than that this has just been a little vacation."

"A gallery is showing some of your work? Congratulations, B...Isabella, though I can't say that I am surprised. Which gallery? Is it here is Seattle, or elsewhere in Washington?"

_Not like it matters. I would totally fucking hunt down her work no matter where it is located._

"In Seattle, at Platform."

"Again, congrats. That's a very prolific gallery. Charlie must be proud." I took another sip of my champagne and realized that I had drained another glass. _Damnit._

_Doesn't surprise me that I am done with this drink, too. Here Bella is, beyond beautiful and successful, like I always knew she would be..._

_I mean, Platform is one of the top galleries in Seattle._

_All of the doubts that I had held over the years regarding my breakup with Bella were for nothing. She really did become the woman that she was meant to be, and I don't need to worry about her for one moment._

_I am so happy for her._

_...Doesn't change the fact that I still want her more than anything, but still..._

"Charlie doesn't really understand my art. He enjoys his fishing."

I wish that I knew what her art looked like now, so I had something to compare it to... but I had resigned myself to not stalk Bella after we parted ways in high school.

_Because not only would that be fucking creepy, but keeping tabs on Bella would've hurt too much._

"I know it means nothing to you, but I am proud of you. It must be amazing if it has gotten into Platform."

_Would it be wrong to tell her that I still have her art in my house? That once I moved out of the house, Esme shipped Bella's entire collection to me? That the picture of Bella was hanging above the fireplace in my formal den, because I couldn't hide it away but I couldn't look at it every day, so I placed it in a room that I rarely visited._

"Thank you."

"Of course. Have you had your opening yet?"

"Two nights ago. It went really well. A number of the pieces have already sold."

_Well, that fucking sucks that I missed the opening. _

"That's too bad, I would have liked to attend. What name are the pieces under? Do you go by Isabella Swan in the 'art world'?"

"I go by Isabella. No point in having a pseudonym."

I didn't have time to stop the word vomit that was coming out of my mouth. "Are you free anytime before you leave? I would love to take a look at your work with you."

"I don't think so, Edward."

Jayson walked up and wrapped his arm around Bella, clearly not recognizing me. I couldn't help but feel as though I was kicked in the gut, both by Jayson's sudden presence and Bella's refusal to go to the art gallery with me.

"I'm sorry, you are right. It was a bad idea."

"It was nice to see you, Edward."

_She's leaving? Already?_

_No._

_No!_

I straightened up and smiled. The smile was faker than fake, but I tried my best to make it look genuine. "It was wonderful seeing you, Isabella. Take care, okay?"

She took Jayson's arm and smiled. "I always do."

I watched with an extremely heavy heart as Bella and Jayson walked away from me. I knew I was supposed to be happy for her, because this is what I had wanted, but...

_What I wanted was her. It's always been her._

_And I am not going to watch her walk out of my life again - I have to get Isabella Swan back._

**Bella POV**

As soon as I got into my hotel room I kicked off my impossibly high heels and shimmied out of the dress that had been held up all evening by a wish and a prayer. Sulpicia, who designed most of my wardrobe, had said "Bella, your ass an' breasts is beautiful. Ze dress is ze frame!" Well, now this ass and these breasts were going to be framed by boy shorts and a tank top.

I grabbed an Orange Crush and plopped down on the nest chair thatI had pulled to the window earlier to watch the city below.

Seattle.

I hadn't been back to these parts in a long time. There was the occasional visit with Charlie, but after a while he would just come see me in L. A. or wherever I happened to be filming and then that faded to phone calls every few months, and now we hardly ever spoke.

Jasper rarely called. Family life kept him busy, and Alice wasn't too fond of me - even after all these years. I was unofficially unwelcome in their home. Alice was just too polite to come out and say it. Jasper sent things the kids made, or articles about this achievement or that, but that was all I really heard. We met for coffee a few times a year. He seemed happy with Alice and the two kids, and that was all that mattered to me. I wanted him to be happy; it was all I ever wanted.

I watched the ant-like cars dance their way along the streets below. Washington was filled with the ghosts of past unhappiness. Painful lessons learnt, but everyone was the better for it. Despite what Disney spouted, everyone grows up at some point and all that is there to guide you are the experiences, the past moments of your life shaping your future.

The ring of my cell shook me out of my reflective state. I jumped out of the chair and snatched my purse from across the room, fumbling around with the contents before finding the phone. I answered on the last ring with a breathy "Hello?"

"Bella... did I catch you doing something naughty?" Irina purred.

"Did you want me to be doing something naughty, pumpkin?"

"Maybe you have that big muscly man in there with you, riding his cock? Making my Bella cum. Hmmm? What is his name... Jayson? Rich and famous!" I could tell Irina was pouting; it made me smile.

"My jealous baby! You know I am alone, missing you. And you know Jayson isn't like that. He's always a gentleman."

"Humph!" Irina snorted.

Irina placed the phone on speaker and I could hear the distinct sound of coke being snorted. I could also hear that she wasn't alone.

"All the boys want my Bella's cunt, but they can't have it. Now tell Irina, how was your little party, darling?"

"It was okay, pumpkin. Lots of rich people and lots of poor people trying to get the rich people to open the locks on their wallets. Nothing new really. You should have seen the dress Sulpicia made for me. One wrong move and everyone would have seen the ladies. It was almost indecent."

"Hasn't everyone already seen the goods, darling?"

"Are you calling me a slut, pumpkin?"

"Only my slut, darling," Irina laughed.

"There was one interesting thing."

"Oh?"

"Edward Cullen was there with his brother Emmett."

"Edward Cullen... I am drawing a blank, darling."

"He was from long ago; the guy from high school I told you about. We dated briefly."

"Oh HIM! Is he fat, bald and ugly now? You know how men get. They age so poorly and have to go on the Viagra to get their cock to do anything useful. Not to mention the midlife crisis!"

"Actually... he... he looked pretty good, seems pretty successful."

"Looked pretty good? Do I need to come down there and rescue you, darling? Remember what the cock brings you - nothing but tears and heartache. Now enough of these boys and their testosterone! When are you coming home to me?"

"Soon, pumpkin, a couple more days."

"Good! And when you get home I will give you a surprise, so no peeking."

"Do I get a hint?"

"Mmmmmm ... there will be lots of wine ... and cheese ... and French things," Irina giggled.

I could hear a faint female voice in the background. "She's going to know it is France, Irina." She must be entertaining one of her girlfriends.

"I'm sure it will be a lovely surprise."

"You will love it, darling! But I do have to go now. My company needs to be licked. Love you, darling."

"Love you too, pumpkin."

I smiled as I hung up the phone. Irina, for all her crazy ways, always knew how to make me feel better.

Edward Cullen.

As much as I didn't want to admit it, seeing him at the charity event had startled me. The last time I had seen him was in my rear view mirror as I drove away from Forks and everything that ever mattered to me. That was the day that Bells-a-bub died and Isabella was born.

I did manage to make it to Toronto and attend classes at The Ontario College of Art & Design. I majored in photography and minored in on-screen media. My ability to capture specific moments in time became high in demand and I was always booked for various shoots. And then I moved into film – cinematography. Vacations were few and far between. I immersed myself in the creative flow of the universe.

I stopped thinking about Edward, but I knew that his words, his lesson taught had stayed with me.

I didn't have intimate relationships with men.

I didn't put myself out there.

I surrounded myself with divas who formed impenetrable walls.

And then here he was, all grown up and successful and beautiful. I didn't want to remember - years had turned hurt to grief and then to hate - but my kitty sure remembered. She was such a traitorous bitch.

Only two more days until I was back home in L. A. with Irina, and the rest of my divas.

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**Tell us what you think! Michelle thrives on reviews!**


	26. Google Said What?

**A/N: Yes, you CAN believe your eyes…it's LFBF, a collab project between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV)!**

**It's been a LONG time…too long, in fact! But maternity leave time is up, so it is back to writing for both Paige and Michelle! However, no matter how much time passes, they still don't own Twilight (if they did, Edward would be a hell of a lot more naughty!).**

**HUGE thanks to Rags88 and TRDancer for cleaning up Michelle's mess. Oh, and Detochkina…you are Michelle's hero. Just so you know.**

**And THANK YOU to all of you who have kept me company while I was on maternity leave. YOU ARE AMAZING.  
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EPOV**

The limo dropped me off after Emmett, and Mr. Pattinson greeted me at the door, lazily barking.

"It's me, you idiot," I said, bending down to pat him on the head. "You know it's me. It's always just me."

I gave my dog a meager smile before turning and looking at my lonely, empty house.

I took a deep breath and realized that I hadn't fed Mr. Pattinson yet. I whistled for him to follow, and once I was in the kitchen, I grabbed the standard dry dog food I usually fed him. I paused for a moment before I filled his bowl half way with his regular food and topped it off with the steak in the fridge which I had been saving for my dinner tomorrow night.

_At least that almost makes up for the fact that he's been home all alone for the last couple of days._

I walked back into the living room and took my suit coat off, throwing it onto the love seat, before I laid down on the couch.

As hard as I tried, I couldn't get Bella out of my mind, and it was making me sick to my stomach.

_I wish that I could have somehow convinced her to spend some time with me while she was here._

_Not that I blame her for not wanting to - given our past - but it would have been nice to know how she was doing. Talking to her for a few minutes tonight gave me little to no background on her current state of affairs._

I pinched the bridge of my nose and squinted my eyes. _Yeah, you aren't going to find out any more on Isabella Swan than you did tonight. She clearly wanted nothing to do with you, and really wasn't willing to open up to you more than she did._

_You aren't going to find out more about her unless..._

_...Unless you become a creepy stalker ex-boyfriend and stalk her via background checks and the internet. Which isn't going to happen, because that is beyond creepy._

I sat up from the couch and called Mr. Pattinson to me. I was going to bed, because I couldn't afford to keep thinking the way I was thinking; I was going to drive myself nuts.

_Maybe you would have been better off not seeing Bella tonight? Maybe, just maybe, you seeing her in that backless dress that accentuated her gorgeous..._

_Stop it, Edward. You aren't seventeen anymore, and thinking about Bella - your Bella - that way is only going to lead to you masturbating like a fucking fiend. You don't need to do that to yourself._

"Fuck all of this shit," I said out loud before turning to Mr. Pattinson.

My drooling dog just looked up at me and started wagging his tail as he always did when he knew that I was talking directly to him.

I shook my head and let out a sigh. "Let's get to bed."

The dog eagerly followed me to my bedroom and propped himself on the dog bed that Esme bought him as I undressed and slipped between the covers of my own Esme-purchased bed.

Closing my eyes, I knew that I would dream of Isabella Swan all night long.

And I did.

XXX

That Monday, I contacted Bree and set up a lunch date for the following day so we could discuss the film company that she had talked to me about at the fundraiser.

We planned on meeting at the fanciest, swankiest place I could find that was open for lunch. _Hey, if I can't wine and dine other women, may as well wine and dine my mother's best friend, right? I mean, she is a little older for me and totally not my taste. _

I arrived at the restaurant about fifteen minutes early, because Bree was not the kind of woman that you would want to keep waiting for you. _Not that any woman likes to be kept waiting._

I was painstakingly writing an email on my iPhone when Bree strolled into the restaurant, fashionably late. I rose from my chair to greet her in a hug.

"Bree, so wonderful to see you again," I said, backing away just slightly from our embrace.

"Edward! Such a charmer. I'm surprised you haven't been scooped up by some lovely lady."

"You know that there isn't a woman out there for me," _other than one, who is clearly unattainable, "_so I must instead surround myself with perfect women such as yourself. Besides, with women like you and Esme out there, who can compare?"

_Isabella Swan, but that's beside the point._

"With pretty words like that, I'd think you were buttering me up for something, Edward."

I laughed. "You know why I asked you to lunch, Bree. It was just to pick your brain, nothing more."

"Yes, Volturi Studios. I had my people do some investigating, and it seems that the studio could be purchased."

I motioned for Bree to sit down in the seat across from me. "And do your people see this as a 'smart' investment, perhaps?"

"Not at all!" Bree laughed as she graciously sat across from me. "This would be an investment of love - love of the arts, love of creativity."

I smiled as I reached for the water glass in front of me. "That sounds amazing, Bree."

"This is far from construction, Edward. Why the interest, if I might ask."

I took a sip of water. "Because I want something more, Bree. Construction is my life's work...and I am fucking bored of it. Ever since high school," _ever since Bella Swan, "_I have taken an interest in the arts. And now that I am financially stable, I would like to...take a risk. One that, at the end of the day, I don't regret."

"Well, Edward, there are no guarantees, of course. My little birdies have informed me that there is much unrest at the studio - so it would be tough going."

"There are no guarantees in life, Bree." I reached across the table and patted her hand. "I trust you as much as I trust my mother. And if you think that this project will be worth it in the end, than I am in. And by 'worth it', I don't mean that it will make money or anything along those lines. But 'worth it', as in worth every second of experience I hope to gain from it."

"I think this project would be very interesting. It's far from my normal interests, and it turns out that I have a few million to spare this year," Bree said, grinning.

"Do you now?" I questioned, returning her smile. "So, Ms. Tanner, is this something that you were looking to go into with another investor?"

"I would be willing to take a chance. My sources tell me that Volturi Studios could be purchased for $28.5 million. The current owners want more of course, but with some of the trouble they have been dealing with I think they will be happy with $28.5."

Thethought of me missing a few million was almost laughable. _ That kind of investment is chump change for me right now. "_Bree, not to sound like a snob or anything, but...whatever you don't want to put up for this business, I would be more than happy to cover the rest. I'm, um, not kidding when I say that I want something different for myself right now...I want something new, something creative. Something outside of my current...universe."

_The universe that I have right now is missing something. Sure, maybe that "something" is a certain brunette, but regardless. I'd be happy to take something that, in a way, reminds me of Bella._

"How about this, Edward... I will put up half and you put up the other half. If that is acceptable, I will have my lawyers draw up a contract between us in case the studio folds. I'll also have my legal team draw up a proposal for the heads of Volturi. How does that sound?"

"That sounds perfect, Bree." _It's a lot less than I was thinking about spending, which would leave my funds a little more open in case I need to throw some more of my money into this project once we get into the swing of things._

"Wonderful! I will have my team get started, and then I think it would be prudent to have a meeting with the studio heads to see where we are on projects."

"I am available whenever I am needed...I can just pass the lead for my current building projects to my head foreman for the time being. You know, until we get everything ironed out." _Or for forever...I would have no problems selling my company and getting out of construction permanently..._

"I'll set things in motion and give you call."

"Fantastic."

XXX

I walked into my house, threw my keys on the coffee table, and plopped myself down onto the couch. I moaned and stretched my feet out before me, listening for the jingling of dog tags as I absently looked around the room for my bulldog. Mr. Pattinson slowly strolled in from the kitchen and looked up at me as if to say, "Oh, you're home? Already?" I patted the cushion next to me and watched as my overweight dog attempted to jump up before failing once, giving up, and lying down on the floor instead.

_Lazy fucking dog._

I rolled my eyes and lifted the dog up before I reached for my laptop, which was conveniently left on the table to the side of the couch.

_Isabella Swan. How the mere idea of you has haunted me for the past couple of weeks._

I knew that I promised myself a few weeks ago, after I saw Bella again, that I wasn't going to look, _because it is fucking stalker-ish, _but I couldn't help myself. I couldn't get Bella out of my head, and I was willing to try anything. _Clearing up the questions that I have about Bella is going to do that for me, right? And this is the best way for me to do it. _ So before I could stop myself again, I opened my browser, navigated myself to Google, and typed in "Isabella Swan" before hitting "search".

Before I was really even able to see what results came up, my phone rang.

_It's as if my guardian angel is trying to stop me from being a creep. Well, where were you, guardian angel, when I needed you the most? Like, oh, I don't know...when I was making the biggest mistake of my life and breaking up with Bella?_

I looked at the screen of my phone and realized that while it wasn't an angel trying to stop me from googling my ex, it was the person in my life who was as close to an angel as any one person could be. My mother was calling me.

I slid my finger across my iPhone and pressed it up to my ear.

I was immediately greeted by my mother's voice. "Your brother tells me that you saw Bella Swan at a fundraiser a few weeks ago."

I groaned and ran a hand over my face.

_Emmett must have seen Bella. Didn't know that he saw her there, to be honest. I wonder why he didn't talk to me about it?_

"It took you two long enough to tell me about this. Please tell me your reunion was not a sour one, Edward..."

"Thanks for the confidence, Mom, but you know that you have nothing to worry about."

"I know that."

"I know you know that," I replied, shutting my computer and placing it onto the coffee table. "And I appreciate you being worried about Bella, but..."

"But?"

"But that was ages ago, mom. What I did to her was ages ago."

"So? She is still your first love, baby. And trust me, I know what pain seeing your, uhm, first love again can cause. I worry about you. You know that, right? You know that this phone call isn't about Bella, Edward. It's about you."

_My mom is putting herself in my shoes. Comparing herself to me, imagining what she would feel like if she ran into my father at some kind of charity event._

I closed my eyes and leaned back on the couch. "I know."

"So, how are you?"

"I'm fine, Mom." _Other than the fact that I just googled her like a fucking creep, regardless of the fact that I told myself I wasn't going to do it. "_Bella was just my high school crush. Seeing her again was...nice."

"Nice? I highly doubt it was 'nice'. I think I know my own son a little bit, enough to know that seeing Bella with another man probably wasn't 'nice'."

I shook my head sadly, not surprised one bit by how intuitive my mother was. "I couldn't have expected anything else, Esme. When I last saw her in high school...in fucking _high school_...I knew something like this would happen one day."

There was a pause on the other end of the line before I heard a huge sigh. "I know, baby."

I shook my head again and glanced at the computer once more. _Jayson might not be anything to Bella, right? The answer to whether or not Bella is dating Jayson could be, like, right in front of me..._

"Mom, you know me better than anyone. You have proved this time and time again, right?" I hid a chuckle under my breath, knowing that Esme didn't appreciate being mocked, while at the same time, trying to keep things light hearted. "So I am sure that you know that it was difficult for me, and that I am trying not to dwell on it."

_You are trying not to dwell on it 'cause you are a creepy stalker and have googled the love of your life. Now you are just waiting to see what Google has come up with, so you can dwell on that - the results - instead of the fact that Bella may or may not have a boyfriend._

_My God! Just look already...clearly the anticipation is regressing you to your high school self, and that shit needs to be stopped before you become the emo bitch that even your mother disliked._

"No, baby, I understand that. I just...oh, I don't know, wanted to make sure that you were okay. And not blowing the ordeal out of proportion."

I laughed bitterly. "Blowing out of proportion? Like how? Hiring a prostitute? Getting piss drunk? Slitting my wrists? Ordering a mail-order bride to cure my loneliness?"

"Edward, get serious."

"I am. In fact, the mail order bride sounds like a good idea."

"Edward."

"Esme."

"You are acting like a child."

I had to overwhelming urge to say "nuh-uh!" but I held my tongue. _Proving yourself to be immature does no good for this situation. "_I'm sorry, Mom."

"I mean, geesh, it's like you are trying to make your mom feel bad for being concerned about you."

"No, it's not that..." _It's the fact that I really want to look at pictures of Bella, and you are preventing me from doing so._

"What is it then?" Esme paused for a moment, and before I could come up with a valid excuse, she raised her voice. "Wait...did I, uh, interrupt something?"

_Yeah. And at the rate I am going, I just might explode by the time I am finally able to look at my computer. "_Not at all."

"You seem too nonchalant about this. I _did_ interrupt something, didn't I?"

"No, Esme. I just walked in the door and you called." _And I googled Isabella Swan and am anxiously awaiting you getting off the phone so I can drool helplessly over images of what I lost._

"Cut the bullshit, Edward. I know when you are trying to cover up something. Is someone there with you? Has Mr. Pattinson not kept you enough company?"

"No, Esme..."

"Is there are girl there?"

"Es, no..."

"A boy, perhaps?"

"Mother! _God dammit!_ Will you stop asking me questions about who is here? No, I do not have a woman over, and I most certainly do not have another man here! I know that for some sick reason you are concerned about my sex life, but you know that I never bring anyone home with me. And even if I were to bring someone home with me, it would definitely not be a man!"

"Geeze, no need to rip my head off or anything. After all, I was just wondering."

"I'm sorry, Mom. It's just...I keep telling you this shit, over and over again, but it's like you don't hear me."

"What shit, baby?"

"I have no interest in bringing someone home with me, Mother. No matter how many times you call me at home, you will never be interrupting me with a woman. And you sure as hell won't be interrupting me with another man; I just don't swing that way."

"I just want you to be happy, Edward. I want you to meet someone; I know how hard it is when you are alone."

I ran my hand over my face and sighed. "I _am_ happy."

"No, you aren't. But it's okay that you aren't able to admit that out loud, baby. Just know that the day that you are able to say, 'Gee mom, I wish I had something to come home to at night other than my dog,' I will be here for you."

"Okay, mother. Or should I say, 'Ms. Know-It-All'?"

"Smartass."

"Yeah, yeah." I paused, knowing that Esme was just seconds away from telling me goodnight. _And then I can finally look at my computer! Oh my goodness, I can't believe that this uncomfortable conversation is almost over. It's the most awkward one we have had in a while...my mom hasn't accused me of being gay in a long time._

"Well, I should let you go."

_Yes! Finally! "_Okay mom, talk to you later."

"You will come and visit soon?"

_? "_Yes, Mom, within the next few days."

"Okay, Edward. I love you, baby."

And with that, she hung up the phone.

With a huge sigh, I threw my phone onto the couch and grabbed my laptop, opening it up in record time before setting it on my lap. Taking a huge breath, I moved my finger around the mouse sensor and the screen hummed to life.

The first thing I saw was a news article making reference to her art show in Seattle at the Platform gallery.

_I mustn't forget to go to that before the exhibit closes down._

As I made a mental note to keep that in my calendar, I continued scrolling down the results.

Of course, the next section that I saw was the Google Images section. Pictures of a very beautiful - and very grown up - Bella stared back at me.

I tried not to get transfixed on the images staring back at me, because I knew that if I did, I would be useless.

_After all, I need answers, not spank material. Though having some of that helps, too..._

I was brought out of my perverted musings by my phone ringing.

_Seriously, mom? Again?_

Although, when I picked up my phone, I noticed that it was not my mother calling, but Bree Tanner. It had been about a week since the sale of the company had gone through, so Bree calling me was a little concerning yet not unwelcome.

_Must...not...think...about...Bella..._

"Hello, Bree," I said into my phone, closing my laptop before reluctantly placing it on the coffee table once more.

"We have problems, Edward!"

_Okay, that got my attention. "_Why? What's wrong?"

"They are all children is what's wrong! It was so bad that the director quit. I couldn't even bribe him back with extra percentages! We have no director, and two leads that are about to walk. Edward, I'm too old to deal with this."

I sat up straight in my chair. "Don't worry. I am here to take care of these kind of problems, okay? That's why I am not really working in the construction business anymore, I want to treat our little project as my full-time job. So what did you need me to do? I will take care of anything you want me to."

"Well, Edward, it looks like we need a director, possibly two new leads, and a crew that can work together and not against each other!"

"If we find a new director, will the leads stay?"

"Possibly. I imagine it depends on who the director is. Where do we find a director?"

_Ha ha. Good question, Bree. Where do we find a director? "_Maybe find a crew member that we like, one that we trust, and see if they have anyone that they would suggest and go from there?"

"Come to think of it, I might know someone who would fit the bill. A friend of a friend as it were. If I give you the contact information, would you be able to follow up?"

"Of course I would be able to do that for you, Bree."

"I'll email you the details as soon as I get them." She was silent a moment. "I think we may have bitten off more than we can chew."

_Have some faith, woman! "_It may be difficult at times...but I think that we can handle this, Bree. I really do. Please know that you can count on me to make this a successful venture for both of us."

"I hope you have a great deal of patience, child. Good night, Edward."

I said my good nights and hung up the phone.

_I am not getting in over my head, am I?_

_Nah. If you can build a "construction empire" from the ground up, you can do this. Or you will die trying; hopefully the former is what happens instead of the latter._

I sighed and ran a hand through my hair. _I need to clear my mind right now. Clear my mind and channel my creative side, to be exact._

_Googling Bella won't do that, and sitting at home, stewing about the film project won't do that, either._

I got up, patted my dog on the head, and grabbed my coat. _I need to go look at Bella's show, right? I think that right now, under these circumstances, would be a great time to do so._

_Thinking about Bella's personal life - and Jayson - can wait for another time._

XXX

I had never been to Platform before, so I wasn't quite sure of what to expect. What kind of work was on display, what kind of artists are featured, etc._ It has, after all, been a very long time since I have seen any of Bella's work. I am not sure what a person would categorize her pieces as._

_Please, dear God, let me not stand out like a sore thumb while I go look at Bella's work. _

As soon as I walked in the door, I was blown away by the quality of contemporary art that was displayed. _This work is...inspiring. Unique. Artistically beautiful._ The gallery was on the smaller side, and because Bella was the featured artist, it took no time for me to locate her artwork.

Huge black and white photos graced the walls of her exhibition space. The pictures were elegant and very vogue in both the way they were taken and in subject matter.

_So very unlike the woman I once knew. Bella was everything - my world in one person - but I never knew her to be particularly elegant or vogue in style._

There were many featured pictures of a woman - _who was not my taste because she wasn't Bella_ - but I still leaned in closer to get a better look the work this woman appeared in.

It was at that moment that I realized that I recognized her from somewhere.

_Where the fuck do I recognize her from?_

I squinted my eyes, trying to remember how I knew this woman.

_Ah, that's right! I remember briefly seeing her in some of the publicity photos of Bella that I saw on the Internet._

_Who is she?_

I grabbed out my iPhone and typed in "Isabella Swan" into my safari app before I could second guess myself. _Or chastising myself once more for being a creepy stalker._ An IMDB page came up, and I took a quick look at it. The page listed a few film projects that she had worked on, along with a brief mention of her photography career, but nothing more than that.

I scrolled through a few pictures of Bella, taken at random charity events and art film releases until I located a picture of the woman featured in Bella's art show.

_Irina? Her name is Irina?_

_The last time that I saw something of Bella's so...intimate, so personal, was with Jasper. _

_Which leads me to ask again...who the fuck is Irina?_

_

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_**E/N:**

**Okay, so I hope that you remember the drill…leave us some love (in the form of a review) and I, Michelle, will send you guys a teaser for chapter 27(yep, it's almost done being written. So is chapter 28!).**

**I am SO sorry that I was not able to respond to messages and reviews on the last chapter…Paige posted the chapter when I was still in the hospital, and everything after the hospital was chaotic and I don't even remember taking a break from the baby until he was like 6 weeks old. SO, for all of you who left us love on the last chapter…you guys are amazing. And I love you. Seriously.**

**I also want to address some concerns that I am sure will happen once the next few chapters come out. Remember, this is an EDWARD and BELLA story; and you guys need to trust us. Things aren't always as they seem, so just take it with stride. And PLEASE don't flame us regarding your thoughts on sexuality and the like…I'm still too hormonal to deal with that right now. So, like I said, just trust us, and (if you can, I guess) watch this story unfold in all of it's crazy glory.**

**THANK YOU to all of you who are still reading. It makes me so unbelievably happy that someone wants to read this story…it's the best part of my day, writing with Paige, and you guys are amazing for sticking around!**


	27. The Swan Returns

**A/N: Here it is! Chapter 27 of LFBF, a collab between Paige Parkker (the wonderful BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (the annoying EPOV). By now, I am sure that you all know what neither Paige nor Michelle own anything Twilight related...though Michelle is super excited to own the DVD of Eclipse (she only saw Eclipse ONCE in the theaters...her formally pregnant ass was super lame-o and had a hard time staying awake in movie theaters. Thank goodness her pregnancy is done! She couldn't take much more of being lame.)**

**HUGE THANKS to Sarahsumbrella and Mel for beta-ing this chapter. They make our words readable.**

**Detochkina...you are still Michelle's hero. Seriously and truly.**

**Fair warning...this chapter is kind of a transition chapter, so it's kind of short. :)**

**

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Edward POV**

I had moved myself into the office space that had been vacated by the previous owners of the studio, and in no time, I hit the ground running with the project.

_In short, I haven't had any time to dwell on Isabella Swan, or anything related to her._

Heidi came to work with me part-time, to make sure that I was able to handle everything myself, regardless of the fact that she knew nothing about the film industry. She knew me and my habits, and the fact that I'd had her as my assistant since I moved to Seattle kind of made her a shoo-in for the position.

Bree had found a new director for the film – Caius. While his brilliance could not be disputed, his manner made him a challenge to work with.

_I know Bree and I have to trust her judgement. Now, that being said...what the fuck was I thinking getting into this?_

"I will not work with that dimwitted art school reject! He couldn't light a set to save his life. Do you want this film to look like a steaming piece of dinosaur shit? Yes? Then continue with that jerkoff. If no I will bring in my own cinematographer, and make a masterpiece!" Caius screamed, pounding his fist on my desk.

_Okay, so...other than your love for the arts, you don't really know too much more about cinematography. So, maybe you should listen to someone who knows what they are talking about?_

"Caius, I..." I shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "Can we afford this person that you want to bring in? Is this something that I would have to clear with Bree beforehand?"

"AFFORD? How can you not afford? This other buffoon you have will cost you money. You need genius. I will only work with the best," Caius huffed and crossed his arms over his chest.

_You want this to be something good, not some mediocre piece of shit._

"Although I am truly concerned with your lack of worry for the budget...this person that you are talking about. Would they be interested in our project?"

"She would come because I ask."

_Wow. This guy is a cocky asshole. I think I like it. _I wiped all emotions from my face before responding, not wanting Caius to know that I respected his tirade. _I don't want him to think that he can walk all over me. "_Bring this...woman...in, and let me decide. Bree and I have the final say in this, Caius."

"I cannot agree! She comes and stays or we both walk."

"Well, it's hard for me to hire someone without seeing them. Or their credentials. I haven't known you long enough to just take your word on it. While Bree may have been the one to hire you, I didn't get to where I am now by letting people walk all over me."

"And I haven't won two Oscars by working with subpar talent!"

_He kind of has me there. "_Fine, Caius. But I do have the executive choice to fire this woman if she does not live up to the standards of this film."

"She will be perfect. You will see."

XXX

The week went by in an extraordinarily slow fashion, especially with Caius acting like a bitchy diva around everyone.

_Yes, Caius, we all know that you are an Oscar winner and that we are all so far below you. But Jesus Christ, pull your fucking head out of your ass!_

Finally, the day that we had all been waiting for was upon us.

I was sitting in my office, eagerly anticipating the arrival of Caius' savior and apparent director of photography genius. _This woman better be worth it, or I am going to be really fucking pissed..._

I heard a brisk knock on the door and I yelled, "Come in!" before I looked over from Caius and laid my eyes on the new director of photography.

The woman who Caius just _had _to have me hire, the person that he would not work without, was none other than Bella Swan.

I felt the air leave my lungs as I struggled to keep myself upright.

"My Bella!" Caius exclaimed, rising from his seat to embrace her.

"Caius!" She smiled softly. "I've missed you so."

_She hasn't noticed me. Funny how, when she walks into a room, all I see is her, and she doesn't even notice me._

I cleared my throat. "Ms. Swan, how strange it is that we meet again." I got up from my desk and thrust my hand out, practically begging for her to shake it.

"M..." She put her hand out to meet mine.

_Just touching her skin again...my fucking God, I think that I..._

I had to look down at my pants to make sure that I was appropriate. _Not in the least, my erection was prominent. At least I didn't cum in my pants, right? _

"Excuse me for sounding stupid, but... what are you doing here?"

I stared blankly at her. _What was I doing here?_

_Uhm, Bella. You see, when I was trying to woo you in high school, I gained an appreciation of the arts that never really went away. And when I saw you again at the fundraiser, I was grasping at anything and everything that reminded me of you. Then this project landed in my lap... _

"I wanted to be involved in something that _meant_ something...construction just wasn't doing it for me anymore."

"So what exactly is your purpose here?"

I grasped her hand even tighter, not willing to let it go. "I own the studio."

She pulled her hand out of my grasp. "You... _you..._ own the studio?"

My eyebrows knitted together. "Yes, _I _own the studio."

"What the hell do you know about making movies? Caius... what is this?"

"This is what happens when a wealthy man gets bored with his life and wants to be a part of a new project," I answered, resisting the urge to cross my arms over my chest.

_Yeah, she bruised your ego; but she's right. _

"Caius, I don't think I am the right person for this film. Why not Siobhan? Or Peter?"

Caius stood quickly and drew Bella to him in an embrace that suggested a relationship that may have been friendlier than I thought. "Bella, Bella. I would not have called Siobhan or Peter if I wanted the best. There is none like you. Together we make magic."

_Together they make magic? What does that even mean?_ I shifted uneasily in place.

"Caius..."

"You will see my Bella. You will see."

Bella seemed to weigh the situation, looking from Caius to me and then back to Caius.

"Okay, but I am only doing this as a favor to you, Caius. Everything will be the same as always?"

"Yes, my Bella, of course! We have a wonderful story to tell!"

Caius held her hand firmly. I couldn't tear my eyes off their hands, and it made my head pound as I thought about the fact that Bella would tenderly hold _his _hand, but not mine.

_The fact that Bella is only working on this project as a "favor to Caius" doesn't make this sit any easier with you, either. I mean, Jayson may not even be a factor in her life compared to this guy._

I cleared my throat, afraid that if I didn't, my voice would break and show how uncomfortable I was with the situation. "So, Ms. Swan, can I count on you working on this project with us?"

"Yes, I'll join the team."

_What do I say to that? "Fantastic, now please don't fuck Caius in front of me, because it's obvious that you two have already done it. Oh, and while you are at it, tell me who Irina is?" Yeah, that sounds good._

_Then after I say that, I can tell her that I still love her and want her. Then I could sweep her up in my arms, and we could ride off into the sunset together on my pet unicorn._

_Ha ha. Yeah, it's best to keep your mouth shut, wouldn't you think? _

"Caius knows all my usual demands. I'm sure he will work it out with you."

"Demands?" _Who is this woman? Demanding stuff? Bella Swan grew some balls._

"Contract riders and the like. You'd know if you had experience in the industry."

_Ouch. "_I know that I don't have experience...but I am trying. And I have clearly surrounded myself with incredibly talented and wonderful people..." _ Who have possibly fucked the love of my life, but whatever. "_I know that I am new to this, Bella. Which is why I am glad to have someone like you, who I can trust to be a part of the project."

She nodded briefly.

"So Caius, shall we go and look over this script?"

"Anything you want, my Bella."

_Enough with the "my Bella" bullshit. I get it, okay? Either you have caught on to my immediate attraction to her and are basically pissing on her leg and claiming her, or you are actually involved with her. Neither of which is a good option._

"I guess I'll be chatting with you later, Mr. Cullen."

"Yes. Later." I reached my hand out again. "It has been...a pleasure, Bella. I can't wait to work with you."

She took my hand, and I thought I saw her suppress a shiver. She let go and nodded before turning and leaving the room.

While part of me was rejoicing that she didn't correct me when I called her Bella, the other part of me remembered that she also let Caius call her Bella.

I felt myself start to develop a strong distaste for Caius that had nothing to do with his talent and everything to do with the gorgeous and talented Bella Swan. _Much like the fact that I held a distaste for Jayson for no other reason other than his possible involvement with my Bella._

I ignored the fact that I had Caius to thank for bringing Bella onto our project, instead stewing in my new, super charged dislike for the man and started straightening out my desk.

_I was going to be as prepared as possible so the next time I saw Bella, I wouldn't look like an idiot. Because step one in making Bella realize that I am not a completely insufferable human being is proving to her that I have changed._

_Right?_

**Bella POV**

_He owned the fucking studio!_

I flopped back on the king bed in my hotel room and massaged my temples. The massive headache that threatened to split my head open was not relenting in any way.

Caius and I had spent the better part of the afternoon and evening going over the script and sketching out our ideas. We worked well together, knew how our artistic directions knit, knew how to work with our eccentricities. Everything we had ever worked on together was golden. But he didn't have my full attention; there was a part of me that kept thinking of Edward all afternoon and evening.

Fucking Edward Cullen.

What bothered me wasn't that he owned the studio, although that was shocking, it was the handshake. He had touched me twice and his touch had made my skin tingle - just the way it had when we were stupid teenagers. After all these years...

I didn't need this sort of distraction at this point in my life or career.

I didn't need him.

Yet here he was, taunting me, making me wonder how things might be now that we were all grown up and successful in our own rights. But no matter what direction my thoughts took there was still that sting, the sting that came from anguish. There were some things in life that we never forget; that day in the cafeteria was one of them.

Hurt. I would gather it like a shield, gather my friends around me and keep him out. He did a favor in dumping me that day. He taught me a valuable lesson: don't let a man negotiate your self-worth - they always set high prices and then watch with delight as you fall.

It would be okay. Caius was here and Irina would soon be here plus Sulpicia was only a phone call away. My protectors surrounded me.

I would survive.

I would be strong.

I don't need any man.

I don't need Edward Cullen.

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**E/N: Let us know what you think! Each review gets a teaser for the next chapter...and trust me, it's worth it. Paige is nothing short of amazing next chapter!**

**I know that some people are frustrated with how things are going in LFBF right now. And all I have to say to you guys is...just wait! Good stuff is coming, I swear! There is a reason to the madness...we created these characters to be a certain way, and we need to see some things through. I promise that, if you can wait, it will be worth it. The Bella that you all know and love won't be hiding forever ;)**


	28. Complications

**A/N: What is this you are seeing? Yes, it is another chapter of Little Fish Big Fish, a collab between the lovely Paige Parkker(BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV)!**

**They still don't own the Twilight franchise…though Michelle is ITCHING to get her hands on the Eclipse DVD…**

**HUGE thanks to TRDancer and SqueakyZorro for looking over this chapter and making it all pretty like. Michelle thanks you for correcting her terrible grammar. :)**

**And another big thank you to all of you who review! You guys made this story's reviews surpass the ones for LFBF on Twilighted! You guys are pretty much the best. Ever.**

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Edward POV**

Jayson? Irina? Caius? I couldn't even keep my head straight with all of these people who not only knew Bella better than I do right now, but the added thought that all of these people might _know_ Bella in a biblical sense, too, completely blew my mind.

When I left Bella, I became emotionally shut off and worthless, and Bella...what did Bella do? It looked like Bella became more trusting and decided to love everyone, perhaps?

_Huh._

I shook my head, trying to clear the thoughts. Having Bella in my life again was turning my world upside down... and not in a good way. The more I studied the situation, the more I realized that the odds of Bella wanting me back were basically nonexistent.

_She has a life outside of anything that I have ever known about her... it's as though the Bella that I knew had disappeared and was replaced by this amazingly strong and confident woman. A strong and confident woman who did her best to avoid me in every way, shape and form._

While I didn't know much about the grown-up Bella, my heart told me that gummies and Myrtle - two things that were quite familiar to me while I was chasing after Bella as a high schooler - were things long gone in this Bella's world.

Seeing Bella on a regular basis and knowing that she didn't want anything to do with me was like a knife to my heart, every day.

_A knife I have to live with. This is a decision that you made a long time ago, Edward...you need to live with it._

The "_you need to live with it" _phrase seemed to be my new mantra.

My office phone rang, bringing me back to the present.

"Edward!" Gianna yelled into the phone. "You have to come out here, now. Another one of your staff is complaining about Caius, and I have had it up to here with this asshole! I am this close to walking away with the rest of the damn staff!"

I opened my mouth to reply to Gianna, but she had already hung up the phone.

_Mother fucking Caius. Not only does that son of a bitch have to flaunt his possible relationship with Bella in front of my face, but he has to piss off at least one person a day._

I quickly rose from my desk chair and made my way out of my office and into the tiny space that was Gianna's part-time office.

Much to my surprise, Bree was standing next to Gianna's desk, and she appeared to also be upset.

"Bree," I said, frowning. "I didn't know that you were planning on stopping by." _This can't be good; she looks terribly stressed. I must not be doing my job right if Bree needs to come down here unannounced._

_It's okay. I am kind of still new to this, right? I just need to know what is bothering her and fix it as soon as I can. _

"We need to talk, Edward," Bree said with a mixture of anger and frustration.

I nodded my head. "Of course. Did you want to talk here or in my office?"

"It doesn't matter where, Edward. We need to do something about Caius before I or someone else on set murders him!"

"Okay," I sighed. "Let's bring this to my office so we can sit down."

I led Bree to the desk and pulled out a chair for her. "Now, Caius is the person that you hired for the job. Is he completely essential to the project?" _Give me a reason to fire him. Or wait...if I did, would he take Bella with him? Probably. Fuck. "_He seems like an asset," I quickly added, purely for selfish reasons.

"He was a friend of a friend. They said he was an excellent director, and he is; his work is outstanding. They didn't tell me he is a misogynistic asshole! He won't listen to me, and in fact, after every request I make, he tells me no. And the reason? Because I am a woman! The gall of that man, Edward! I am too old to deal with men who think they are all high and mighty!"

"You aren't too old, Bree... But remember what I told you, I am here to help make sure that you don't get overloaded." I let out a loud sigh. "I know firsthand that this guy is a piece of shit. But, that being said, maybe I can try to reason with him? Or...find someone that can reason with him?"

_Someone like Bella, perhaps?_

"That Swan woman is the _only_ person he does seem to respond to. Regardless, Edward, I think I'm going to take a back seat on this. I'm handing you the reins."

I gulped. "Bree, are you... are you sure?"

"Yes, Edward. I didn't retire so that I could be disrespected by disturbed little men."

I fought the urge to laugh at her description of Caius and instead kept my face stoic. I felt a wave of sadness wash over me as I thought about not having Bree directly involved in everything anymore. "I will miss you, Bree. But I understand your needs, and I hope that I don't disappoint you."

"If you can tame that egocentric asshole, excuse my French, then you will be my hero."

"I am going to try my hardest to make that asshole, excuse _my _French, listen to his superior. Whether he likes me as his superior or not."

"Good luck to you, Edward. You have far more patience than I do."

_Maybe I don't need patience if I can get Bella to help me._

I escorted Bree out of the office, sad to see her leave. As I watched her walk away, I turned to Gianna and sadly smiled. "Gianna, I need you to get me Isabella Swan's phone number."

XXX

I sat at my desk again, looking uneasily at the phone number that Gianna had scrawled on a piece of scratch paper.

_This is Bella's phone number? These seven little digits - which I obtained like a little pansy from my secretary - are Bella's? _

I remembered the last time I got her phone number, how easy it was.

Turning the paper around in my hand, I sat up and grabbed my phone.

_It's now or never. The business depends on you, Edward. You have to call her now._

I quickly dialed the number before I was able to chicken out again.

"Isabella."

My voice caught in my throat as I heard her beautiful voice. I quickly cleared my throat, afraid that she would think that I was prank calling her and hang up if I didn't greet her soon. "Ms. Swan?"

_Duh, of course it's "Ms. Swan", you bumbling fool. She did answer the phone by saying her name, right? Good God._

"Mr. Cullen. What can I do for you?" she asked, cutting right to the point.

"Are you free to meet me anytime soon? I have a problem that I would really like your help with." _No, really...an actual problem. Not a problem, like, a boner that only you can take care of; but a _problem_ problem._

_Ha ha. Thank goodness you have a verbal filter...you are hilarious when you are nervous, aren't you?_

"What kind of problem, Edward? I'm a little busy right now trying to fish this picture out of the trash."

"Problems that directly have to do with this picture. Um, this picture and the, uh, unrest that is happening right now within the crew."

"What unrest?"

_For real, Bella? You don't see how much everyone despises your friend?_

"Let's just say that not everyone is as big a fan of Caius as you are, Bella. And because of your bond with him, I need your help."

"What's wrong with Caius? He's a genius. He only expects the best. Tell people to work harder. They must be slacking."

I pinched the bridge of my nose in frustration. "I understand that he is a genius, Bella. Which is why I am asking for your help instead of firing him right now."

I couldn't help but notice that I had called her "Bella" two times so far, without being corrected.

"Why would you fire him?"

"Please don't jump to any conclusions or anything. I am telling you this because I trust you, okay?"

"Get on with it, Mr. Cullen," she said with a sigh.

"He comes off as a pretentious asshole." _How you can't see that is beyond me, to be honest._ "He bosses everyone around, probably more than he should. My partner decided that she has had enough of his attitude, and she has all but walked away from the project. Now, it is up to me to make sure that we don't completely sink this film before it even gets a chance to get off the ground. Please, Bella...I know that I don't have a right to ask anything of you, but please. Help this project not only because you are working on it now, but also for your, uh, friend."

"Really, Mr. Cullen? You need me to ask Caius to 'play nice'?"

"It's more than that, and I think that you know that. Bella, he only listens to you. You are the only woman that he treats like a human being, and that means something." I paused for a moment, gathering my bearings, before opening my mouth again. "And please, call me Edward. I know that other people around here have to call me 'Mr. Cullen' out of respect...but Bella, you know who my father is. You know what being called that name means. So please...it's Edward."

She sighed. "I'll talk to him, Edward, but don't expect miracles. Caius is the way Caius is. He produces movies that win Oscars. Sometimes you have to put up with the eccentricities."

"Is there any chance that I can have a meeting with you before you talk to him? A meeting in person, not over the phone?"

"We start re-shooting next week. I'll be on set. It's probably better if you come there."

I let out a quiet sigh, disappointed that Bella didn't want to meet outside of working on the film but not surprised that she felt that way. "I'm planning on being there, anyways, Bella. Any chance that you would want to meet before that?"

"I have other obligations, Edward. I'll see you on set. Stop by my trailer."

"Right, uh, other obligations. Of course." I squeezed my eyes shut and shook my head, trying to clear my thoughts. "Before I forget, I wanted to tell you that I saw your show at Platform. You are..." _Amazingly talented and perfect. "_Still so very good at what you do."

"Oh ... um... thanks. I'm surprised you went to see it."

"Surprised? Why?"

"I didn't think that it would be your type of thing."

"What, exactly, would qualify as 'my type of thing'?"

"I don't know, just not couture fashion."

_If it has to do with you, nothing could have stopped me from seeing it. "_Well, it wasn't necessarily something that I would have gone to see on my own, but there was a driving force behind me going to look at your show."

"And that was?"

"You. The show was yours, and I wanted to see more of your work. After all, the other stuff that I, uh..." _Probably not a good idea to tell her that you still have some of her work hanging up at your house. "_Never mind."

There was an awkward silence. "Never mind what?"

I cleared my throat. "It's nothing. I'm sorry I brought it up." _You are so fucked. Bella doesn't drop a subject when it is clear that there is something being held back from her._

I could hear her sigh. "So, we'll meet on set then?"

"Yeah, sure."

I felt my skin tingle as regret coursed through my body. _I guess I don't know Bella as well as I used to, huh? She used to pry and pry until I told her every last little idea I had in my head, but now she drops the topic as soon as she can._

_Because she doesn't want to talk to me, and I can't blame her for that._

_Fuck. All these years later, and I am sick of reminding myself that I made my bed so now I have to lay in it._

_Fuck you, bed, _I found myself bitterly thinking._ I am sick of laying in you and knowing that I did this to myself._

"See you then, Edward," she said and then hung up.

"Yeah, then," I said into dead silence.

XXX

I found myself looking forward to seeing Bella again.

_As if that should surprise you. She is all you think about nowadays._

What did surprise me, however, is how bleak my life seemed when I wasn't thinking of her. It was like nothing else mattered, nothing else was important enough to occupy my thoughts. Honestly, it was easy to think of Bella and _only_ Bella.

_And the film. Then Caius, who seemed to be determined to piss off every woman who was involved with the project, other than Bella, of course. That thought would just bring me back, full circle, to Bella again._

_Bella._

_Bella. _

_Bella._

The morning that I was finally going to see Bella again, I was the perkiest I had been in a while. I skipped coffee, and before I left the house, I generously gave Mr. Pattinson a rawhide bone, even though he had torn through my favorite pair of shoes the night before.

_Whatever. I am in too good a mood this morning to even care._

I rounded the corner, dead set on making my way over to Bella's trailer with no further interruptions.

Finding the trailer in a hurry, I quickly knocked on the door. Instead of coming face to face with Bella, I was met by one of the people who had been haunting my thoughts for the last few days.

_Irina._

"Who are you?" she asked with a moderately thick accent.

_What title do I go with? Do I approach her personally or professionally? "_Mr. Cullen. Is...is Isabella here?" _Yeah, I probably sound like a stupid dick right now...but I can't find it in me to care._

"Mr. Cullen?" she asked, squinting her eyes. "What you want with my Bella?"

I couldn't help the word vomit that spewed from my mouth. "Your...your Bella?" I coughed out.

"Yes, my Bella. You have something wrong with that?"

Her forwardness took me by surprise. "No, nothing wrong with that. I was just...questioning it. She's...uh...you...you are one of her good friends, then?"

Irinia cocked her head and leaned in the doorway of the trailer. "Very 'good friends,' life partners, my Bella and I."

I choked on the spit in my mouth as I listened to my worst fears being confirmed. _Okay, so what? You ruined peen for her? Wait. If she and Irina are life partners, what does that make Caius? Jayson?_

_What the fuck is going on here? _

"Life...life partners?" I found myself stupidly asking. "What...what does that even mean?" The wheels in my head were turning at a rapid pace, regardless of how stupid I was sounding. I was trying to figure out the logistics of it all...and although I wanted to be incredibly turned on by the confirmation of Bella and Irina being "life partners," I couldn't help but feel my heart turn to stone in my chest.

_Lesbians aren't hot when the love of your life is supposedly one. Especially since I am missing something very key to a lesbian...a vagina._

Irina gave me a sly smile, like the fox who lived in the hen house. "Why does Mr. Cullen want to know? You after my Bella?"

_Mr. Cullen has _always _been after your Bella. _I wanted so badly to say what I was thinking, but instead, I found myself sadly staring at the ground, trying to avoid eye contact. "I was just curious, I guess. I don't know if, um, your," I stammered, my voice dying out. "Your Bella told you this, but I have known Bella for many years."

_And been in love with her for just as long. Whatever._

"Are you the Edward?" she asked, her eyes widening and her smile becoming more foxy.

My heart sputtered at the idea that Bella had at least mentioned me to Irina. "Edward Cullen," I said, reaching my hand out to shake Irina's. "I don't know if that makes me 'the Edward' or not..."

"The Edward, crushed my Bella's childhood spirit. Let me guess... you want my Bella's pussy again? Yes?" The words purred from her lips.

_Yes!_ I found myself inwardly screaming. _But I don't just want her pussy. I want all of her! _I looked up at Irina with wide eyes. "I...I crushed her childhood spirit?"

_Avoid a question that you don't want to answer by asking a question that she most likely won't want to answer. I like your style, kid._

_Though, since she figured out that you might still want Bella, you basically answered her question by avoiding the topic anyway._

She looked me over, blatantly checking me out. "Irina doesn't see the appeal."

I tried not to take her statement personally as I tried to remind myself that this woman clearly preferred pussy to my poor little mini Edward. "I'm sorry?"

_Ha ha. Apologize to a woman because she doesn't find you attractive? Classy move. Way to show Irina - and Bella by association - that you have grown up. "_There isn't much appeal, I am sure," I followed up, feeling even more like an idiot as time passed by.

"What do you want my Bella for?"

"She isn't expecting me?" I heard myself say. My voice sounded so alien to me. _Must be all the strain to keep from telling Irina that you want Bella for everything and anything that she would give you._

"She makes movie!" she exclaimed, motioning to the world outside of the trailer.

"Yes, I know this. I was going to meet with her regarding this movie." _Because I am kind of her boss and can make her talk to me. _

"She's making movie right now. Tell my Bella's wife what you want and Irina passes it along." She smiled, watching my discomfort.

"I'd much rather just talk to her myself, Irina. I don't mean to take up much of your wife's time" - the word _wife _burned my mouth as I said it - "but I really need to speak with her. In person."

"Well, she is out doing work with Caius. She is not home."

"Do you know where she is, then? Or when she will be back?" For the first time since I found out that Caius knew Bella, I was glad that Bella was with him. _'Cause it is better than her being in this trailer, naked and waiting for "her Irina" to stop talking to me and come back to her or something. _

"On set somewhere."

"Right. Well then, I'll just wait for her."

"You may wait long time."

I smiled. "Oh, that's fine. I'd much rather sit here and learn more about her _wife _than to chase her around the set." I moved closer to Irina and motioned to the door. "Mind if I come in?"

"Fine, fine!" Irinia said, somewhat annoyed and flustered. She moved into the trailer.

Smiling to myself once more, I followed her into the trailer.

While I remembered Bella's room at Chief Swan's house like the back of my hand - as I thought about the time that I spent there quite often - this room looked very foreign to me, with just touches of Bella here and there. Gone was the smell of patchouli; Bella's things now smelled like expensive perfume. Beautiful, and most likely expensive, clothes littered the trailer and gave it a very messy feel, which was different than the room that she had shared with Jasper.

The one thing in the room that reminded me of the Bella that I knew when I was a kid was the presence of pictures on the wall.

I leaned in closer to get a look, knowing that it would look like I was snooping. I didn't care, because I _was _snooping.

Pictures of other photo shoots lined the walls. A few pictures of Caius and Irina and even Jasper and his kids were proudly displayed. It was all so perfect, and for a moment, I felt like I was out of place and that I shouldn't be in Bella's trailer, harassing Irina.

Irina moved some clothing off a chair and indicated to me that I should sit. "You want anything to drink?"

"I'm fine. Thank you very much for asking." I took a seat and looked around the space a little more. The number of pictures of people that I didn't even know that were up on Bella's walls made me morose.

I wanted so badly to be a part of Bella's life. _I want to have my picture on her walls again. I want to know everyone that she finds important enough to have them be a part of her universe. _

Irina opened the door to the small fridge and took out a vodka cooler. She opened it and then flopped back on the bed. "What is so important you have to wait for my Bella?"

"I own the studio, and I wanted to talk to her about a problem that had arisen that she may have an answer to."

"What problem?"

"It's more along the lines of official studio business. I don't want to get you involved, only to have someone find out later. You know what I mean?" _Read: I am not trying to be mean to you, because you obviously mean a lot to Bella, but I don't want to go around trash talking Caius when he could trample all over me for doing so._

"She will tell me anyway. My Bella tells me everything."

I smiled sadly. "How did you meet your Bella?"

"In Toronto... fashion week... many years ago."

"How long have you been...together?" _Maybe I should have taken her up on a drink. My throat is suddenly dry. I mean, fuck! I didn't even know that Bella was into fashion, let alone so crazy about fashion that she would go to fucking fashion week!_

_Though, you didn't know she was a lesbian, either. Tomayto, tomahto._

"Time? Oh, I don't know ... six ... seven... eight years?"

I frowned. "You don't know how long you have been married? Or civil unioned? Or whatever they called the ceremony when you had it?"

"Does it matter? All that matters is my Bella here."

"No, I guess not. I just didn't picture her with someone who doesn't even know how long they have been married to the most per...um, I mean Bella." I nervously ran my hand through my hair, frustrated that I made that slip. "Is she...is Bella...is she happy?"

I could see Irina eyeing me. A beautiful smile broke across her lips. "I make my Bella very happy."

"Then you are right. That is all that matters." I closed my mouth quickly. I became so overwhelmed by so many different emotions all at once: happy that Bella was happy, but sad that she had that without me. I was scared that if I didn't close my mouth immediately, I would start crying or something.

At that moment, I realized that all these years, I had somehow held out hope that Bella was meant for me, no matter how much I had fucked up in the past. But now, with Irina sitting in front of me, I knew that it wasn't meant to be, after all. _Bella is happy, and you should be happy for her, too. Even if it means that she is completely happy without you in her life._

"She doesn't need any boys."

"No, I guess not," I replied sadly. "Though, I remember that Bella said she wasn't married. You guys must call it something else...?"

"Does it need a name?"

"No, it doesn't. I'm sorry, you just threw me for a loop, you know? Like I said, all that matters is that Bella is happy." I nervously clenched my hands together.

_Oh, who are you fooling? Bella has always and will always have your heart. The pain that you feel in your chest right now? That is just phantom pain from your non-existent heart breaking. _

The sound of someone entering the trailer made me turn my head.

"Edward! What are you doing in here?"

I stood immediately, shocked to suddenly see Bella standing in front of me. "I need to talk to you, remember?"

"I thought we were going to meet on set?"

"Yes, baby, the Edward came to look for you." Irina slid off the bed with the grace of a cat and moved to stand just behind Bella who had moved further into the space. Irina slid a hand around Bella, letting it rest on her abdomen. "But I told him you make movie."

I nodded my head dumbly, trying to pry my eyes from where Irina's hands rested, but finding it impossible to do so. "Yeah, I am sorry to barge in on your wife. I thought that finding you at your trailer was the easiest. Especially considering what I need to talk to you about. I don't want word of that floating around the set, if that makes sense."

_This was a mistake. I can't handle looking at Bella with Irina right now. This is...just...far, far too much for my phantom heart to handle._

"My wife?" Bella questioned as Irina kissed the side of her neck. "Oh, yes ... well, do you want to step outside?"

I swallowed thickly. "Whatever is easiest for you."

_Kill me now, seriously. I feel...like I am dying. Something that I haven't felt since I left Bella last time, and I don't think I can take anymore of it._

_I need to be at home with Mr. Pattinson. Maybe have my nieces and nephew come over, too. Something - anything - to remind me that there is something other than this shit mess that I made for myself. I thought that the pain that I suffered as an idiot high schooler was the worst it could be. _

_I was wrong. _

Bella led me outside. She wrapped her arms around herself. "So what is it, Edward?"

I paused, trying to gather my thoughts. "Um," I said, running a hand through my hair. "Caius. I need..." _to not be here. "_I need..." _to get rid of my shares like Bree did. "_I need help."

_Damn straight you need help. Bella is happy...so pull your head out of your ass! You are making even more of a fool of yourself because you are falling apart in front of Bella. Pull yourself together, man. Stop feeling so much pain from her happiness; it's selfish and very unbecoming. _

I squared my shoulders, trying to get myself together, but to no avail. I quickly pictured my family - sans my father and Rosalie - and was able to at least stand up straight on my own.

"What do you need help with?"

I cleared my throat for what felt like the hundredth time. "I'm sorry. I need help with Caius. I called you the other day, remember? Or hell, maybe you don't remember. Regardless, I need help with Caius." _Must. Stop. Babbling. "_Look. I'm sorry, I am having a hard time getting myself together. I mean, you are married? I thought you said that you weren't, Bella. Why would you lie to me about that?" I clamped my mouth shut, mortified that those words came out of my mouth.

"What's wrong with Caius?" She didn't look like she was going to answer my second question.

The words were already out in the air, and I needed answers. "No, Bella. Please...please tell me why you lied to me, first. Please. For my sanity."

"I'm not discussing my personal life with you, Edward. What help do you want with Caius?"

_She still believes everything that you said to her in the lunchroom all those years ago. Why would she share a single detail with you about her life? As far as she knows, you are an asshole who doesn't give a fuck about her._

_Even though that couldn't be further from the truth._

The pain in my chest started spreading, causing me to ache all over.

"I'm sorry. I was just asking because..." I let out a loud, sad sigh. "It's none of my business. I am sorry that I thought that what we shared in high school made us more than strangers, Bella. I'm sorry that I was wrong about that. And fuck, I'm sorry for a whole fucking lot more."

"High school was a long time ago, Edward. Just because we fucked as teenagers doesn't mean you have all access rights to my personal life."

_'Just because we fucked'? That's all it was to her...fucking?_

I sighed and squeezed my eyes shut, hoping that I could calm the pain in my chest for just a moment. "You are right, Bella, of course you are right. I am sorry for prying."

_And I am sorry that you felt like I was just a fuck, because that's not what it was for me._

My head was spinning so quickly with all of the thoughts running through my head that I had to close my eyes to ground myself. No matter how much I pitied myself, no matter how much I regretted my previous actions...nothing was going to change. Bella was married and happy and wanted nothing to do with me, and I was going to have to get used to that fact.

"So Caius, what kind of help do you want?" Bella's words pulled me back to the conversation.

I couldn't help but reach up a hand and massage my forehead. "I need your help getting him to respect his other co-workers. His co-workers that aren't _you_, since you are the only one that he apparently gets along with."

"Caius is just... Caius. How am I supposed to change how he is?"

"I don't know, Bella. How did you get him to respect you when you first met him?"

"I kneed him in the balls."

"You...you...what? You kneed him in the balls?" _Ouch. _

"He said something offensive, so I kneed him in the balls. We became fast friends after that."

"Yeah, makes sense. Sounds like something that I would bond with a woman over," I replied sarcastically.

_As neglected as the balls are, they do _not _welcome being kicked. Ever._

"Well, you just don't know Caius."

"No, I don't. But you do, which is why I am asking for your help. Thinking about it, though, it probably wouldn't be a good idea for every person that Caius pissed off to stand up to him and kick him in the balls. Any other ideas?"

"I'll talk to him, but I can't guarantee that anything will change. Caius is just Caius. You learn to make nice."

"Please try, Bella. I know that I am new to this all, but I am pretty sure that I shouldn't have to deal with half my staff threatening to quit on a daily basis."

_I shouldn't have to deal with the love of my life flaunting her lesbian relationship in front of me, either...but that's life. Or my life, what I made of it anyway._

"I'll see what I can do, Edward."

"Thank you, Bella." I paused, clenching my fists at my side. _Time to really torture yourself, huh? "_How long is your wife staying in town? Maybe we could grab a bite to eat?" _What are you doing to yourself? Are you fucking kidding me?_

"My wife..." she paused - as though she had a hard time saying the words. "I don't know how long she will be around. She just comes and goes."

Bella bit her bottom lip.

"I, I guess I might be able to do dinner sometime."

I swallowed thickly in disbelief. "You will? Be able to do dinner sometime?"

She shrugged. "Yes. I'll let you know when."

"When...? When your wife would be able to join us? Or would it just be you and I?"

"I don't know, Edward. I'll figure it out and let you know."

_Wow. "_Yeah, sure. Okay." _Did I sound overeager to have dinner with a married woman? Yep. I am a completely masochistic idiot fuckface._

"If you gave me your number it might be easier."

"Oh, my number. Right. You need that." I reached into my pocket and grabbed out one of my business cards, along with a pen. Quickly writing my cell number on the back of the card, I handed it to Bella. "I included my cell number, too. Call it whenever you want... or if you figure out something that I could do about Caius."

_Please feel free to call me if you get lonely, too. You know, when the wife is away and what-not. I can help out with loneliness. Oh, who am I fooling? I am so lonely that if she ever called me, I would smother her to death with my own loneliness. I am such a fucking tool...I think I need to get laid. _

"I'll let you know." She slipped the card into her pocket.

"Bella! Bella! Are you finished?" Irina called from inside the trailer.

I looked sadly at Bella. _No. I don't want to leave yet. I want to sit here, surround myself with all things you, and torture myself._

"I guess … I ... Talk to you later, Edward." She gave me a small smile and then went back into the trailer. Not long after she left, giggles could be heard from inside.

_Giggling? That's...strange. Why would they be giggling? They are laughing as my world falls around me, aren't they?_

_Yeah, it is kind of funny that Edward Cullen ruined his life when he was seventeen years old._

Except I didn't really think so. In fact, I didn't find it funny at all that my life was the way it was. Successful, with no one to share the success with? What's the point in living a life so unfulfilled? When all was said and done, what the fuck would my headstone read? "He loved a girl and then trampled on her feelings so he led a solitary life when he realized that there was nobody who could even hold a candle to her"? Sounds like a really happy life, right?

Pushing the thoughts of my lonely mortality aside, all I wanted to do was crawl home and hide until Bella called me. _If she ever called me._

**Bella POV**

"Hi Sulpicia. This a good time to talk about the shoot?" I put the phone on hands free and took a long hit off Penelope. As the sweet smoke entered my lungs and the smell of friendly Mary filled the air, I could feel my body relaxing. All of Caius's eccentric energy, Irina's clinginess, and Edward … Edward … it all seeped away. Now I could focus on my energy, on the universe surrounding me, on the creativity that the universe births. In this instance of creativity, it was a photo shoot of Sulpicia's new line.

"Yes, it is a good time to talk. I got an interesting call from Irina."

"Oh yeah? What did she have to say?"

"Oh, a little of this and a little of that."

"Oh really..."

"Congratulations on your marriage," she said with a laugh.

I echoed her laugh and nearly choked, exhaling. I took another hit before I answered. "Yes, it was one of those drive-through Elvis events. I was completely shocked, but there was so much love."

Sulpicia chuckled. "She certainly knows how to push strings and pull buttons."

"I think that's push buttons and pull strings."

"Yes, yes. You know what I mean. I think the interesting part is the Edward. What's going on with the boy?"

"Nothing is going on. Irina scared him off, and he likely thinks I'm a lesbian now. Besides, I'm married now, don't ya know!" I couldn't help but giggle. The thought of being married to Irina the supermodel was almost too much.

"Something tells Sulpicia that there is more than nothing." Sulpicia always had this sixth sense. Or, rather, she could just call out my BS. She always could pick up on the words left unsaid.

"I may have agreed to go to dinner with him."

"Dinner? And then what? Breakfast in bed?"

"I didn't say I was gunna fuck him!" But maybe I wanted to. Why did he have to look so good? Why did he have to grow up and become a man? Why did his touch have to make my skin tingle? "He's just... what am I doing? He's the past, 'cia. I need to move forward, focus on my career."

"Are you sure your past can't come with you into the future?"

"He'll just be a complication."

"Sometimes you need complication in your life, Bella. Without complication, where would all the fun be? Where would you learn anything? When was the last time you had a complication? Hmmm? That nice boy Jayson follows you around and I doubt you have done more than kissed the poor thing. You fuck them once and toss them away. When was the last time you had a long-term complication?"

"I get it. But I'm just not sure he's the complication I need right now."

"Then when?"

"I don't know when, if ever. I mean, I'm sure I'll find myself in a relationship. I'm just not sure that it will be with him."

"Just remember your philosophy."

"I'll see what the universe brings. Now, can we stop talkin' penis and talk about the shoot?"

XXX

'Cia was right. Edward was a complication. I needed to decide how much of a complication I wanted him to be. I wasn't a teenager anymore; I didn't let everyone in anymore. The universe had taught me a certain amount of caution. It was dangerous to wear your heart on your sleeve, or anywhere else for that matter.

I laid back among the numerous cushions crowding the compact bed in the trailer. Irina was out doing a someone or two. Her sexual appetite was almost as great as her appetite for coke. It left me space and quiet to think and commune with Penelope. It left me with Edward.

What made him so special? What made him stick out so much in my thoughts? Why didn't I think about Jayson like this? Why... but I knew why. I was just shittin' myself, hiding behind all those trees hoping my secrets didn't pop out of any rabbit holes.

The soul never forgets its other half... even if that other half is torn away. It waits, bloody and raw until its companion returns, and if the meeting never comes, it withers away and dies. But in such close proximity, it strengthens and hopes.

And there it was, shining through his beautiful green eyes.

Shags had never died. I buried him. Locked him away. Tried to forget. He had stomped on my heart.

But now a man had stood in front of me. I could see pieces of the boy I had once loved, but they were now wrapped in confidence and raw magnetism. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't thinking about how his hands would feel, how his lips would feel.

Maybe that was all I needed... just a touch, just one feel.

My fingers drew lazy circles along my tummy, moving lower and lower before slipping under the band of my yoga pants. I spread my legs, slowly closed my eyes and pictured Edward staring up at me as his hands swept from my ankles to my inner thighs, opening me for his appraisal … consumption … anything. He placed soft kisses along my inner thighs. His talented tongue teased my clit at the same time as my fingers rubbed circles around the swelling bundle of nerves.

I couldn't help but moan.

My hips pressed upward to meet his tongue; my fingers picked up speed. I needed more, wanted more. I slipped two fingers into my vagina which was growing increasingly wetter. With curled fingers he pressed and thrust against the tight walls. My palm provided the friction my clit was seeking … it was his tongue, flattened … attacking … devouring.

Each thrust and press of his fingers drew out the wetness from within, trickling between my ass cheeks, soaking the bed beneath. One finger softly brushed over my anus, making me whimper. As he slowly slid a finger beyond the tight ring of muscle, I orgasmed hard, my abs contracting, pulling my torso off the bed.

When they say you can see stars, I saw every star in the universe.

I flopped back down onto the cushions to catch my breath. My hands were still in my pants, gently caressing.

A voice interrupted my post-orgasm high.

"That looked good. And you didn't wait for Irina." She stalked to the bed and crawled into position beside me.

I smiled, my eyes still closed.

"Took the edge off." Pot and orgasms - best combination known to man and woman kind.

Irina slid my hand, the hand I had used to finger fuck myself, out of my pants and started licking my fingers. "Why you won't let Irina do this for you, I don't understand." She hmmmmed as her tongue cleaned off my fingers. "Hope you were thinking about your Irina."

The smile faded from my lips. No, it wasn't my Irina. It was my Edward, Shags.

Maybe 'Cia was right. I did need a complication, but maybe it wasn't in the way she expected. I could let him complicate my fantasies, star in every masturbatory session henceforth.

I just couldn't let him complicate my reality.

* * *

**E/N: Pretty sure you guys know the drill. Review, and I (Michelle M Marie) will send you a teaser for the next chapter (which is already almost done, with chapter 30 started now, too).**

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www (dot) fanfiction (dot) net/s/5816837/1/Sinnerman


	29. The Captain and the Wench

**A/N:**

**Welcome back to LFBF, a joint production between Paige Parkker (BPOV) and Michelle M Marie (EPOV)! Neither woman own any of the Twilight characters, but they still like to play with them and make them do OOC things (like drink. And play with Mary Jane. Whatevs.)**

**HUGE THANKS to TRDancer and SqueakyZorro for beta-ing our mistakes (which are mostly Michelle's mistakes, but WHATEVER…patayto, patahto).**

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**A big thank you to whoever is rec'cing us. You guys are amazing…thank you so very much for your support!**

**Sorry for the wait, you guys. Hopefully we don't disappoint!**

**

* * *

Bella POV**

A nap, all I wanted was a nap. We'd spent a good part of the night filming a battle scene and were filming again early in the morning. Now it was sometime between late afternoon and early evening, and I was beat. Filming was always exhausting, and filming with Caius was even more so. The man demanded perfection, which wasn't necessarily a bad thing, but it could be frustrating.

I was seconds away from snoozeville when Irina bounded into the trailer and pounced on me, tickling my sides. I batted her away and pulled the pillow over my face.

"C'mon, lazy bug. Irina is bored and wants to see the night life. We go out tonight."

"No, Irina, I'm tired."

"Irina does not care! I picked you out sexy dress and we all go to this new club called Status."

I sighed. You could never sway Irina when her mind was made up.

"Fine, I'll go. When are we leaving?"

"Late, late. Not 'til eleven."

"What? Why are you bothering me now? I have time for a nap." I knew my tone was short and full of irritation. Quite frankly, I was full of short and irritation.

I turned on my side and felt Irina spoon herself behind me. Maybe a night out would do us all good, work out all the negative energy that had been building . The cast and crew had been working hard to shoot and re-shoot scenes. An incredible amount of work had been done in a short time. Maybe it was time to shake loose. I couldn't remember the last time I went out and set myself free.

And then I had a thought.

"Irina, pass me my phone."

"Why phone? Nap!"

"Irina, just pass me my phone."

"Who are you going to call?"

Irina handed me my mobile and I quickly thumbed through my contact list. I stopped at his name and pressed the button that would dial the number. I was glad that I had gotten his number at the charity event and remembered that he was living in Seattle, and it would be nice to catch up for an evening. Besides, Irina would find some dyke or macho blowhard at the club to fuck and snort coke with. I'd be left alone.

I waited for someone to answer…

"Hello?"

"Hey Capt'n T, it's Bella."

"Capt'n T, now I haven't heard that name in a long time. What can I do for you, Bella?"

"Well, I remembered that you lived in Seattle and thought we could do some catching up. Think you could get a babysitter for tonight? A bunch of us are going to some new nightclub called Status. I thought maybe you'd like to come, a group date of sorts."

"Uhm, babysitters are pretty hard to find last minute, but lemme see if my mom can look after the rugrats. Can I give you a call back?"

"Yeah, sure. Talk to you soon."

I hung up and put the phone on the pillow beside me.

"Who did you invite?" Irina asked.

"Just an old friend."

"Old friend that wants my Bella?" She slipped an arm around my waist and pulled me into her body.

"No, Irina, just an old friend. A good apple."

XXXXX

I arranged with Emmett to meet me at the club, and I'd given the security staff at the door his name. It would be nice to have someone to talk to, to hang out with. Caius had begged off, citing a headache as his excuse not to join us. And as much as I worked with the cast and crew, I didn't really know them. Irina, true to her nature, had gone off in search of a sex toy for the evening.

I stood against the bar sipping a White Russian, people watching and keeping an eye on the doors. It wasn't long before I saw Emmett enter. He smiled as he spotted me at the bar.

"Hey, Capt'n T." I gave him a quick kiss on the cheek. "What's your poison tonight?"

He laughed. "In light of the nickname, how about we say Captain and coke?"

"Captain and coke it is!" I placed the order and minutes later Emmett had his drink.

I sipped my drink and checked him out. "God, when did you grow up?"

"I could say the same thing to you," he said, taking a drink from his own glass. "Next drink is on me, by the way. I don't get out often, and because of that, I'm going to spend some money on the person who was gracious enough to invite me out."

"You don't have to do that, Emmett. I really can't remember the last time I went out and let my hair down, so to speak." I grinned, finishing my drink.

"Why has it been so long, B? Do you have a little rugrat of your own at home?" Emmett tipped his drink back, finishing it quickly.

"Me? Kids? Oh, fuck no. I can't even keep a cactus alive. It would be cruel to give me a kid. How 'bout you? Got a flock of little Capt'ns?"

"A flock," he guffawed. "Sure, you could call it that." He raised his hand to the bartender, gaining his attention, before he ordered us two more drinks.

"So, how many in your flock?"

"Three. Two girls and one boy." He cast his eyes down at his new drink before he took another sip.

"Three! Holy shit! I guess I could always picture you as a Pops. What about their mom? She see 'em much?"

"Honestly? She doesn't care to see them much. And Carlisle doesn't care to see them, either. Which is good, because it would make family gatherings really fucked up if the two of them wanted to stay involved in the kids' lives."

"I'm sorry. And to think at one point I actually felt sorry for her. Better off without her." I gave him a cheeky smile. "To dumping baggage!" We clinked glasses and I downed my drink, slamming the glass on the bar top.

"So what are you doin' with your life, Capt'n?"

"Working. And being the best dad that I can be. How about you? What the fuck have you been up to? You are the one who got out of this Godforsaken state. Looks like you did pretty well for yourself, too." His eyes roamed my body, obviously checking me out.

"Just listened to the universe and went where it sent me." I ordered two more drinks. "How's your mom?"

"She's fine. Kind of accepted what happened with my dad, you know? Now I think that her only problem in life is that Edward doesn't visit her as much as she would like him to."

"No talking about him." I passed Emmett a fresh drink and sipped my own.

He quirked an eyebrow before sipping from his own drink. "Oh...kay?"

"Remember, dumping baggage." I finished my drink in one long swallow. "So how come no MILF has picked you up?"

"I guess I haven't been interested." He finished his drink, placing his empty glass on the bar next to my empty glass. "Drinking kinda fast tonight, huh?"

"It's been a long few weeks. Ever made a movie before? Don't, it'll frustrate the shit out of you." I was certainly feeling tipsy.

"No, no movies. My brother is the one who pays attention to the arts." He stopped at looked me in the eyes. "Fuck, Bella. I didn't mean to bring him up again."

"Hey, whatever. So seriously, why no hot girlfriend?"

"No time. Between my children and work and my mom and brother and fucked up mixed family that my father and Rosalie caused...I don't date." He paused for a second, running a hand through his short hair. "Or, I _haven't_ dated. It could be considered something that is a work in progress, though."

"I'm sorry shit got all fucked up for you. You're a good apple, Capt'n T. A good apple."

"A good apple, eh?" He chuckled. "You seem to be a good apple yourself, B. An apple. Or maybe a pear? Pears are sexier. Oh! I got it! A peach...you're a peach."

"I do think, good sir, that the Captain is starting to affect your brains." I laughed. I didn't know about Emmett, but the booze was unwinding me... making me feel undone.

"It's been awhile. Must be gettin' to me real quick, huh? I forgot how fucking good it feels, you know?"

"Booze isn't usually my thing."

"What is your thing, then? I used to drink quite a bit after I walked in and caught Rose fucking my dad. But honestly, I haven't had one in...dude, you know, Edward was the one who made me stop drinking so much. I called him earlier tonight to see what he was up to, and to see if he wanted to join. I think that he would get a kick out of this right now."

He'd invited Edward. Fuck.

"Bet he was too busy, off with some chick." I changed the subject as quick as my tipsy brain would allow. "I like my good friend Mary J. She never lets a girl down."

"Edward doesn't have any chicks. Hasn't really, since...oh fuck! He hasn't really dated anyone that I know of since you!" Emmett smiled a little bit before taking a sip from his drink. "Mary Jane, huh? I can't touch the stuff...shows up on my drug test that the league makes me take."

Hasn't had anyone since me? Bullshit.

"That's a shame. I'd be fucked if they did drug testing in my profession. Fucked." I laughed. "Got any dirty locker room secrets?"

"Nothing that you want to know. Trust me."

"C'mon, all those big naked men... gotta be somethin'."

"Bella, I have a really good buzz going here. Can we please not talk about naked men right now?" His eyes scanned my body once again. "Talking about naked women, though, that's fine by me."

"Do ya get a lotta naked women in your locker room?"

"I fucking wish."

I laughed loudly, finishing my drink. I slapped the glass on the bar and grabbed his shirt. "Let's go dance."

"I'm not so good at dancing, B. The horizontal mambo, now, I'm pretty fucking good at that," Emmett joked, nearly stumbling from his bar stool.

"I'll teach you. It's real easy, c'mon."

I pulled him from the bar stool and stopped in the middle of the dance floor. "Now, jus' put your hands on my hips and feel the rhythm." I placed his big hands on my hips, closed my eyes and moved to the music.

"It's been so long. So long since I've done this, Bella," he sighed, bringing his face closer to my own. "This okay? I don't...I don't want to do something weird."

"Shuttup Emmett and jus' dance."

He nodded his head, his hands starting to wander around my body. Slowly making their way up my back, his hands wrapped around my hair as he pulled my face to his... and then he kissed me.

**Edward POV**

I arrived at the bar a little more than an hour after Emmett said he was going to get there. He hadn't been answering his phone, so I was a little worried that I wouldn't be able to find him and end up by myself at the bar, but I was past the point of caring.

_I need a drink, with or without Emmett. The game that I constantly have to play during the day called "let's see how much Bella can torture Edward by prancing around the set all sexy-like while being married to a woman" was really wearing on me._

I dialed his cell again, only to get his voicemail once more.

_Fuck it. I'll find him on my own._

I moved through the throngs of people, keeping my eyes peeled for my brother. It wasn't as though he would be hard to miss anyways; his frame tended to make him stick out like a sore thumb.

After walking past the bar, I headed out towards the dance floor. I saw his head above the sea of people who appeared to be grinding on each other to a song, then it suddenly changed and people started clearing from the dance floor, leaving a few people and my brother.

But Emmett wasn't dancing by himself. In fact...

My jaw dropped, and I prayed to God that what I was seeing was a cruel illusion. I blinked a few more times, but nothing changed. Bella and Emmett were still standing in the middle of the dance floor, making out.

What. The. _Fuck._

_Emmett, my brother, my fucking only friend in this shit life, is fucking...kissing..._

I couldn't even think it.

_Just..._

_Just the idea of him laying his hands on Bella like that...and Bella...reciprocating..._

Led by blind rage and intense distress, I approached Emmett and Bella and pushed Emmett's shoulder, breaking the two of them apart. "What the fuck is going on here?" I cried.

"Edward. Dude. Where did you come from?" Emmett asked, placing a hand on my shoulder. I quickly shrugged it off, catching a quick whiff of Emmett and the air around him.

Quite frankly, he smelled like he had been fucking bathing in alcohol. _Of course he is drunk. Asshole better be fucking drunk or I am disowning his ass, no questions asked. I don't care if he doesn't know that I am still head over heels in love with this woman; it's the principle of the thing. She was mine. Bella was my girlfriend.I don't care if I last kissed her over a decade ago. She is MINE._

"I just got here, Emmett. You invited me, remember? I tried calling your cell," I growled out before turning to Bella. I tried - unsuccessfully - to hide my anguish. "Why, Bella? My brother? Are you serious? My fucking _brother_?"

"What is your problem, Edward?" she asked.

"Are you kidding me? What..." I ran a hand angrily through my hair. "What is my problem? With you making out with Em...Emmett?" I choked out.

A burning pain coursed through my chest. _Why does it feel like I am having a heart attack? Fuck, maybe I am having a heart attack. Maybe then they can add "died because his asshole brother started making out with the love of his life" on my pathetic tombstone. _

"I've fucking had it, Edward. Since when did you get to decide who I kiss and who I don't? If I want to kiss your brother - hell, if I want to fuck your brother - it's none of your business!"

"Like hell, it isn't my business! He is my fucking brother, Bella. My _brother_." I stepped closer to her, pushing Emmett away from her completely. "There will be no more kissing, and the two of you will _definitely _not be fucking."

"That isn't for you to decide!"

"The fuck it isn't," I said as I pushed closer to her, which caused her to stumble backwards a little. "You aren't going to be kissing my brother anymore, Bella."

"I can kiss whoever the fuck I want, Edward. I'm a big girl. I can make my own goddamn decisions!"

"You won't be kissing Emmett, Bella. Never again." I pressed closer to her, causing her to fall back a few more steps. "My brother is off limits." _Fuck, I want everyone but me to be off limits! "_What would your wife think, Bella? Does she appreciate you making out with your ex-boyfriend's brother?"

"Why the fuck are you bringing Irina into this? I doubt she gives a rat's ass. She's probably in the bathroom blowing some guy. We aren't fucking married, Edward. She was pushing you to see how you would react. No one fucking tells me what I can and can't do. No one!" she yelled.

"You...you aren't married?" I asked, lowering my face to hers and pushing her farther back until her back hit the wall. I raised my hands up and placed them on the wall, effectively caging her in place as I leaned closer. After I saw Bella make out with my brother and learned that she wasn't actually married...something sparked inside of me - something chauvinistic, something that wanted to claim someone that used to be mine.

"No, Edward. I'm not married. I never have been and never will be." She put a hand between us, creating more room and moving my hands from the wall.

My heart was singing at the idea of Bella not being married, and I couldn't control the overwhelming relief that shot through my body. I was so happy, happier than I could remember being in a really long time. So I did the only thing that I could think of doing; I closed the distance between us, placing my hands on the wall again, and kissed Bella.

Well, not just... kissed.

...More like attacked. Being apart for fourteen years and doing something that I had wanted to do for just as long did not help with my patience.

Bella didn't respond at first, which made me question what I was doing. _I don't want to be "that asshole" that attacked her..._

But then she kiss me back, matching my intensity. Her hands slid up my chest, clutching at my shirt.

My hands moved from the wall to Bella's beautiful hair. _Fuck, I missed this more than I can even admit. _Bella responded to my movement with a moan, which spurred me on.

_As if I could get anymore turned on right now._

She started grinding her pelvis against mine, as if to relieve some building pressure, and I internally rejoiced.

I broke my lips away from hers for a moment, intending to kiss down her neck and mark her somewhere. _Preferably everywhere._ "Fuck, Bella. I've fucking missed this. So much," I sighed.

My statement seemed to startle her. She stopped grinding against me and started pushing me away.

"What...wait. What are you doing?" I asked, unable to understand what was happening.

"What have I done?" she asked, looking horrified.

"What? Bella, what do you mean?" _Why is she so upset? She was willing, I know she was. I felt it in her kiss for fucks sake..._

"God, I never should have..." She pushed away from me completely and started walking toward the bathroom.

My heart dropped to the pit of my stomach. "No, Bella. Stop! Please don't walk away!"

_She regretted kissing me? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck._

"No, Edward, that never should have happened."

_Are you kidding me? It never should have stopped! How could she feel like it never should have happened? Did she seriously not feel how perfect we are together?_

"Yes, Bella, it should have! How the hell can you say that?" I shouted, following Bella as she continued to walk away from me.

"No, Edward. It should never have happened, and it won't happen again!"

Defeated, I stopped following Bella and sat at the bar by myself instead. As much as I wanted to argue with her, I knew that it would do us no good; Bella wasn't changing her mind about the kiss. I watched in anguish as Bella walked into the woman's restroom...the one room I couldn't follow her into.

A few minutes ticked by, and I watched as Bella dragged Irina out of the restroom, Irina's clothes not fully on, as though they had been thrown on haphazardly.

"Bella, please wait!" I called out after her.

She wiped at her eyes with one hand and dragged Irina with the other. She didn't even acknowledge that I had called her name.

"Bella! What are you doing? Where are you going?" Emmett yelled after Bella, appearing out of nowhere and jogging to catch up with her. I watched as Emmett once again was able to talk to Bella when I was not able to.

It felt like complete deja vu.

"Emmett, you're drunk and I'm going home," Bella choked out.

"Yeah, I am drunk. But you are upset, so...stay. The night is still fucking young!"

"No, Emmett. I'll see you around." She pulled Irina closer as she headed toward the exit.

Emmett, the drunk and persistent ass that he was, continued following Bella and Irina. "Why are you running away? Why won't you stay and talk about what just happened? Come on, girl! You invited me out; are you going to just leave like that?" he yelled after her.

She said nothing as she walked out of the club.

Thankfully for me, the bar had huge windows, so I was able to see Emmett swayed side to side, walking out the door after her.

Bella pushed Irina into the car before getting into the car herself, slamming the car door in Emmett's face. I couldn't tell if any words were exchanged or not, and I watched in sadness as she drove away from the bar, my brother, and...me.

_I guess the silver lining in this must be that Emmett didn't go home with her, right?_

Emmett walked back into the bar and sat down on the bar stool next to me. I couldn't even turn to look my best friend in the face, but I sure as hell could smell the alcohol on him.

"Listen, Edward..." he slurred out.

"Fuck you," I replied. "I don't want to talk to you."

"Why are you being so fucking pissy right now? I didn't..."

I turned to him, noticing that in addition to his slurred speech, his eyes were drooping. Emmett was beyond wasted. "You didn't what, Emmett? You didn't mean to do the one thing that as a brother you shouldn't do?"

"What are you talking about?" he asked, trying to steady himself by grabbing onto the bar.

"Are you fucking serious? You don't know what you did?"

He licked his lips. "Maybe?"

I angrily shook my head. "You know what? I don't have the patience to deal with this right now, Emmett."

"Why?"

I gritted my teeth, forcing myself not to swear at my brother. "Because," I spit out. "I don't want to say something that I will regret. Something like, 'I don't ever want to speak with you again.'"

"What? Why would you say that?" I glared at Emmett, and he wet his lips nervously again. "All I did was kiss Bella."

"Bingo. Hit the nail on the head, regardless of your inebriation. Glad to know that you realize what you did wrong."

Emmett rolled his eyes, which made me want to hit him. _He's drunk, right? He would be easy to take down._

_...Maybe you shouldn't do something like that, Cullen. Technically, there are still some of your Volturi Studio employees roaming around this bar right now. They already saw the studio head making out with another employee - in a manner that made it seem like it was forced - so they don't need to see their boss beat up someone also..._

_Fuck._

_You made out with Bella._

_Bella is a studio employee._

_Bella wasn't happy that you kissed her._

_Could Bella file a sexual harassment suit against you?_

_Probably._

_That would really fuck over Volturi Studios, and Bree would be really pissed at me for failing her and the company that I said I would take care of. Then I wouldn't have anything. No family, no job...just a fucking dog that drools all over the place and a house filled with photographs that were taken by the woman that I love more than life itself – who can't stand me._

"You know what? We should seriously talk about this later. Call me tomorrow, Emmett. I have bigger things to deal with right now," I growled to my brother as I quickly got up from my bar stool.

"I, uh...okay," he said with a bewildered look on his face. He obviously didn't understand why I was so mad at him one second and rushing out the door the next.

I started to walk to the door before my brotherly instincts kicked in. _No matter how pissed off I am at my brother, he is still my sibling, my own flesh and blood, and the father to my amazing nieces and nephew. "_Are you okay to get home, Em?" I called back to him.

"Cab," he said, holding up his phone. "I'm calling myself a cab. Right now."

I nodded my head curtly, acknowledging what he said as I walked out of the bar. As soon as I readed the night air, I pulled my cell phone out of my pocket. I quickly found Bella's number and typed up a quick text.

_**Are you okay? -E**_

It quickly dawned on me that Bella may not know who "E" was, so I typed out another message.

_**It's Edward, by the way.**_

_**I'm fine. - B**_

_**Are you sure? You didn't look fine when you left -E**_

_Oh my God...she responded? _Part of me was jumping for joy while the other part of me was thinking rationally, knowing that she most likely responded because I was technically her boss.

**I said I'm fine. -B**

_Wow. I have clearly pissed her off, haven't I?_

**I'm sorry for whatever I did to upset you. -E**

_You are so full of it. You know what upset her, and you are not sorry. At all._

**Drop it, Edward. - B**

Bella's short text message responses left me with a sour taste in my mouth. Because I was not in the mood to push her buttons any more than I clearly had, I shoved my phone deep into my pocket and finished walking the rest of the way to my car.

_Tonight was a complete and utter failure. _No matter how much I tried to focus on the good things - mainly, the kiss that I shared with Bella and the fact that she isn't actually married - I couldn't help but dwell on the way that Bella had reacted to my attempts.

_No matter how much she has changed, she is still my Bella. It wasn't easy to get her in the first place, and she is proving that it won't be easy this time, either._

_But I am not giving up. Ever._

_If she was married, if she didn't want me, then that would be a different story. But she isn't married, and when she returned my kiss..._

_It was as if my soul found its other half again._

**Bella POV**

What the fuck did I do?

His kiss.

His touch.

I let him complicate my reality.

Fuck.

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**E/N:**

**As always, reviews get review replies with TEASERS (because Michelle is a review whore and thrives on them). Any review replies that didn't get sent out last chapter….Michelle apologizes for (but to her credit…her darn email box is full with wedding stuff, as her wedding is a little less than 6 months away).**

**Reviews take Michelle's mind off the wedding hell that has turned into her life. Just saying!**

**Next chapter is ½ way finished-thank you all for still reading, and we hope to get chapter 30 out soon!**


	30. Confessions and Invitations

**A/N: Onward to chapter thirty of Little Fish, Big Fish! This is a joint production between Paige Parker (writing Bella) and Michelle M. Marie (writing Edward).**

**So, the story is progressing quite nicely now, and Paige and Michelle have gotten into a pretty good groove with LFBF now. That being said…there aren't many chapters left. Sad, isn't it? Michelle has tried to convince Paige to keep writing until chapter 100 at least…but Paige wasn't really digging the idea.**

**HUGE thanks to our amazing betas, TRDancer and SqueakyZorro ... words cannot describe how amazing you are. And even if we had words, ya'll would have to beta them. (Or we would have to have EMERGENCY BETA SERVICE look at it…right, detochkina? Let me repeat that again, folks: EMERGENCY BETA SERVICE. That's in case you didn't see it the first time :).)**

**Okay, here we go! Last time we saw these guys, Bella was making out with Emmett. And then Edward. Wonder how that will be received after the alcohol wears off...?  
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Edward POV**

The sound of my ringing phone woke me up. Blindly hitting my nightstand for my cell, I successfully found it before I flipped the toggle on the side, turning it onto "silent mode" and threw it onto the wood floor before I turned over and tried to go back to sleep.

That, of course, didn't happen, because the phone started vibrating across the floor, practically dancing atop the hardwood.

"Mother fucker," I moaned, leaning off my bed to grab the discarded phone. "What?" I yelled into it as I reached for the alarm clock. "It isn't even seven in the morning. What the fuck is so important that you need to call me before seven in the fucking am?"

"Edward?" The voice questioned.

"Who the fuck else would it be?" I pulled my phone away from my ear to glance at who was calling me, and the name and picture on the screen sent my blood boiling. "Emmett, I was sleeping. Leave me alone."

"Open your door, jackass. I don't have much time to beat around the bush; I need to get home before the nanny gets pissed at me."

"You just _had_ to throw the kids into this, didn't you? Well, guess what? They weren't there last night when you pissed me the fuck off, so they don't belong in this conversation either. Goodbye." I shut off my phone before I threw it back down on my bed.

About two minutes ticked by before I felt my bedspread being yanked off my nearly naked body. I sat up in alarm and was greeted by my asshole brother, who was standing at the foot of my bed, clutching my bed linens.

"I knew that I never should have given you my spare key and access to my alarm codes," I growled at Emmett, reaching for the blanket that he had so rudely pulled away from me. He moved it away from my hands, so when I reached for it, I came up empty-handed. "Seriously, asshole, I am not in the fucking mood right now."

"I know you aren't. And trust me when I say that I am not either. Fuck, I have a headache like you wouldn't believe."

I glared at my brother before catching him off guard and snatching my blanket away from him. "You have a headache? Maybe you should go make out with Bella more? That should get rid of it real fast."

"What the fuck, Edward? That doesn't even make sense."

I sat up in bed and roughly scrubbed a hand over my face. "You think I don't know that? Fuck, it's way too early to be talking right now. I stayed up too late last night and drank far too much once I got home. Needless to say, I don't want to look at your ugly face right now."

"I'm not going anywhere until we talk about what the fuck happened last night. I have wasted too much of my life not cutting to the chase like I should have, and I think that you have, too. So fucking spill."

"Wasted your life?" Hah. If only he knew how much of _my_ pathetic life I truly had wasted. _"_I don't know what you are talking about."

"You are about as mature right now as you were when we were in high school"

"Speak for yourself, fuckface. You are the one who broke into my house and fucking stole the blankets off my bed. What if I had someone in here with me, Emmett? What would have you done then?"

"You wouldn't have had anyone here, Edward," Emmett said matter-of-factly. "You were alone, like you always are."

"Yeah, well, today could have been different."

"No, it couldn't have."

I scoffed at him as I rolled out of bed to get dressed. _He isn't leaving, so there is no use in delaying the inevitable and having this talk with him while I am sitting in bed in my fucking underwear._

_Though, it would be nice to make him uncomfortable, much like he made me feel last night when he was kissing Bella._

_Fuck! He fucking kissed Bella, and I fucking kissed her right after he did. I should have drank some bleach or something last night before bed, regardless of the fact that I didn't want to lose the taste of Bella from my lips._

I shook my head, trying to clear the disgusting thoughts that were running through it at that moment. "You never know, Emmett. Maybe I decided that someone was worth bringing home with me. You know, to introduce them to my fucking dog or something. Speaking of which, where the hell is he? Why the fuck didn't he alert me that you were breaking into my house?"

"Your lazy dog was sitting on the couch when I came in. He looked relieved to see me."

"Glad at least he was relieved to see you. I mean, after last night, I could go without seeing you for a while and I wouldn't mind in the least."

Emmett glared at me. "You need to ease up a little bit. You are playing the 'asshole' card a little too much right now."

I returned Emmett's glare and ground my teeth together, unable to respond to him. True, I was being an asshole, but I felt that he deserved every moment of it.

"Look, I didn't see the harm in kissing Bella, okay? I thought that what you felt for her was over..."

"Never," I growled. "It will never be over, Emmett. I will...fuck, I will love Bella forever. I don't give a flying fuck if we are one hundred years old, I will never be okay with you kissing her. That's just...Jesus Christ, how can you not see how wrong this is?

"Didn't you ever wonder why I never dated anyone after Bella?" I threw my hands up angrily, unsure where to go from there, before leaning forward and placing my head in my hands.

Silence followed my outburst. Then Emmett said hesitantly, "Listen, E, I'm sorry. I didn't..."

"I know you didn't," I started. "You can't fucking read my mind or anything, so there was no way for you to know how I still felt about Bella." I dropped my hand from my face and looked at my brother. "I love her, Emmett. I fucking love her so much still, even after all these years, that it hurts."

Emmett stared at me for awhile before walking out of my bedroom, leaving me completely alone with my thoughts. Before I could question what he was doing, he returned; a bottle of Jack tucked under his arm and two glasses in his right hand. He handed me a glass and poured some alcohol in it before pouring some liquor in his own glass.

I raised my eyebrow as my brother took a drink from his glass. "Jack?" I questioned, motioning to my glass. "Isn't this...a little strong for seven am?"

Emmett shrugged his shoulders. "After the night that we had last night and the stuff you're telling me now...I think that Jack's timing in this equation is perfect."

I eyed my brother warily before taking a swig from the glass in my hand. "I think you're right. I'm truly fucked, and there is no way around it."

"Why do you think that?"

"For fucking real, Emmett? I love a woman who would rather make out with my brother than me. Do you not see how fucked up that is?" I took another drink and welcomed the burn of the liquid as it slid down my throat.

"No, don't get me wrong. This is a very fucked up situation, Edward. Especially since she referred to you as her 'baggage' last night. But that kind of stuff is pretty par for the course with you, you know? Nothing you have ever done with this girl happened very easily."

I let out a bitter laugh. "You sound like Esme."

Emmett smiled. "Maybe we should invite her over?"

"No. Somehow I don't think she would approve of what happened last night between you and Bella and, minutes later, me and Bella."

"Right. She would probably frown on that." Emmett took another drink before he looked up at me questioningly. "The thing that I really don't understand is why you waited until _after _I kissed Bella to make a move on her? I mean, you haven't said anything about trying to get back with her until now."

I swirled the liquid in my glass before raising it up to my lips, taking another drink. "I didn't say anything earlier, because I was trying to nurse my fucking shattered heart. Not like I could have really made a move on her anyways, because Bella, well. She told me she was married."

"What? She...what?"

"No, wait. Bella didn't tell me she was married, her best friend Irina told me that she was married." I couldn't help the laugh that burst from my lips. "Irina told me that she and Bella were married to each other."

Emmett choked before laughing heartily. "You fell for that? Jesus Christ, Edward, you're an idiot."

I scoffed at him. "Why the hell would I not believe what she was saying?"

"Dude, if raising two girls has taught me anything...it's that girls are vicious, brutal, and fucking ferocious when it comes to protecting something that they care about. And this Irina...she had you pegged as a predator, so she was going to protect B by doing any and all things possible - including pretending to be married to her."

"Huh. Well, I..."

"So, then what? You thought that you turned Bella into a lesbian?" Emmett laughed again. "You aren't _that _good, man."

"Shut the fuck up," I said sourly. "I honestly didn't know what to think, you know? Bella is...not the Bella that I knew in high school. She is..."

"I know, she definitely has grown up. She's so different, and you know this, yet you are still in love with her?"

"I never stopped loving her, Emmett. To be fucking truthful, I don't think I _could _ever stop loving her. Even if she had turned into a lesbian puppy-killing sadist, she would still be..." I let my voice trail off.

"Still be...?" Emmett asked with a curious look on his face.

"Nah, it's stupid."

"No, it's not. I have two young girls, E. I fucking watch chick flicks every time we turn the TV on, so trust me when I say that there is nothing you could tell me that I haven't already heard coming from the sappy mouth of a cheesy character in a fucking movie."

As much as it comforted me that my brother was used to cornball sappiness, I was still afraid to speak my mind completely. _Because I know how crazy I sound._

Regardless of my insecurities I knew that I needed to come clean and continued. "When I was dating Bella all those years ago, she constantly talked about soul mates. You know, people who are meant to be with each other? And as fucking corny as it sounds, Em, I think that's what she is. I think Bella was, and always will be...my soul mate."

Emmett's face went blank as he poured himself another drink. He sat down on the bed and stared straight ahead, not saying anything as I anxiously watched him.

A few minutes went by before I cleared my throat. "You have to say something, man. You can't let me tell you something like that and then...not say anything. You have to have some kind of opinion, especially since you fucking made out with her last night. I mean, fuck, you are the chattiest bastard I know. Say something - anything."

Emmett paused, taking a sip of his Jack. "I'm sorry, bro. You just...wow. I expected something like that, just not...that."

"What do you mean by that? How did you not expect something like that after the life that I have had after high school? After Bella?"

"I don't know, E. I guess I was too wrapped up in my own bullshit then to realize the kind of crap that my brother has been dealing with. Not to mention the fact that I didn't think you believed in soul mates. I mean, you have never talked about that kind of crap with me before."

"Crap? That's the word that you come up with there?"

"You are still in love with your_ very _short term high school sweetheart of fourteen years ago, Edward. That seems like the definition of _crap_."

I angrily scrubbed a hand over my face. "I know. I am basically fucked."

"Nah, man. Sounds to me that for the last fourteen years, you have been fucked. Now that Bella is back in your life and you are having a hard time getting back into her good graces - this is much, much worse than that."

I closed my eyes tightly as I nodded in agreement. "It is worse - she seems like she hates me. But I mean, what do I do, Emmett? I won't let her walk away from me this time, regardless of how much she hates me. You talked with her a little bit last night, right? What did she say?"

"She referred to you as baggage, bro. I am not implying this to be true or anything, but have you ever thought that - maybe - she doesn't want anything to do with you anymore?"

"I have thought about that before, Emmett. And really...I mean...I still feel it. I still feel _her. _I know that probably doesn't make sense, but..."

Emmett shook off my comment, ran a hand through his short hair and scratched the top of his head. "Let's see," he said, raising his eyebrows. "You kissed Bella last night, too, right?"

"Yeah. I kind of attacked her."

"So, it was a short kiss?"

"Not...exactly. She really got into it for a second before pushing me away, saying that it 'never should have happened,' and running out of the club. You witnessed the rest of it, because you ran out of the bar after her."

Emmett closed his eyes and opened one up, squinting. "Now, I am not just saying this because of the conversations that we had last night, where she would avoid any kind of personal question that I would ask her. Or the fact that she kissed me. But bro, I think you have a long road ahead of you, man."

"You aren't making me feel any better, Emmett."

"I am just telling you the truth." Emmett reached over and clapped me on the back with his free hand. "Though, on the plus side...she had an intense reaction after she kissed you. She was upset to the point where she ran out of the club...at least you know that she is still passionate about you."

"Passionate enough to run away from me? Yeah, somehow that still doesn't make me feel any better."

"It should, man. It shows that you mean something to her, good or bad. I know I was wasted last night, but I'm pretty sure that she didn't react like that after kissing me. At all. It's as if she could have kissed me or not kissed me, it didn't make a difference to her."

"That's a fucking relief."

"What, you mean you don't want your brother dating the love of your life?" Emmett snorted before continuing, a bitter undertone in his voice. "Wouldn't have made me much better than Dad."

I looked at Emmett and narrowed my eyes. "Are you serious, Emmett? Last night may not have been your best night ever, but man, you are nothing like Dad. Nothing."

"Yeah, I know. Just...it was still shitty of me to do that with Bella. I'm sorry, E, I didn't mean to do anything like that to you. I can't believe how stupid I acted last night, I am so sorry. I think I need to retire Captain and never touch it again."

I smirked at Emmett before I took another drink from my glass, emptying it. "I'm glad that last night was a mistake, because, _fuck,_ I love Bella. No matter what, she is the one for me."

Emmett and I stared off into space for a moment before I broke the silence that was surrounding us. "I realized something last night, as I watched Bella kiss you. And that is that I'm going to stop at nothing to get her back. I don't care how hard it is this time, I'm not going to walk away." I took a deep breath, grounding myself. "I think I have a plan, and I need your help with it."

**Bella POV**

I had been arguing with Caius over lunch regarding the setup of the next scene when Security approached.

"Ms. Swan, there is someone to see you - an Emmett Cullen. Should we send him away?"

Emmett was here to see me? The whole shit storm from Status walloped me in the side of the head. I had kissed the man. And then I practically dry humped his brother ... and furiously masturbated while Irina prayed to the porcelain gods.

Where the fuck had my life gone? Straight down to crazy town, that's where.

"I'll see him."

I walked with the security guard to the temporary gates that had been set up. Sure enough Emmett was standing there. I nodded at the guard who let Emmett through.

"Hey, Emmett, what can I do for you?"

"Do you have a minute to talk, B?"

"Yeah, I do. Let's go over there." I led us to a spot near the trailers that was semi-private. "So..." I crossed my arms under my chest and waited for him to start.

He scratched the back of his neck nervously. "Listen, I'm really sorry about last night. I was way out of line."

"No, no apologies. Listen, it was a weird night, too much alcohol, crazy vibe. No one is to blame."

"It was wrong of me to kiss you. Wrong on so many levels, so please, let me make it up to you."

"Hey, it happened, I don't blame you. I've kissed lots of people. You don't have to make anything up to me, Emmett."

"Lots of people, huh?" he laughed nervously. "See, I don't kiss lots of people, Bella. Which makes me feel even worse about what I did to you and to my brother."

"If anything, Emmett, your brother was the one who was out of line."

He smiled sadly before he took a deep breath. "I was wondering if you were free tonight. Ever since Ma found out that you were back in town, she has been bugging Edward and me to have you come over. Would you be able to make it to our family dinner? It's over at my house this week."

"Edward is going to be there?" I wasn't sure I was up to seeing him tonight.

"Yeah, he is. Esme would shit bricks if he wasn't, you know? Anyway, my kids will be there, too, and I think that you would really get along with them. Besides, they want to finally meet the 'famous Bella.' It would make their night, B."

"I dunno, Emmett. Edward ..." I trailed off. I bit my bottom lip as I thought about the invitation. I'd love to see Momma C again, and it would be neat to see what the mini-Emmetts looked like.

"Edward wants to see you too, Bella. More than you probably know."

"I don't know if I want to see Edward."

"You work with him, so you don't want things to be awkward forever, do you? Besides, Esme will have my head if she comes over and you aren't there. Please, Bella?"

I stared up into his puppy dog eyes. "Okay, Emmett, I'll go."

"Fantastic. Look, I'll text you my address, okay? Be at my place at seven, and don't bring anything but yourself."

"A'ight, Emmett." I gave him a small smile. "I have to get back to Hell now. You know your way out?"

"I'm sure I can figure it out." He reached his arms out and motioned for me to come to him. I did, and he wrapped me in a hug. "Nothing is going to be weird between us, right?"

"Nah, nothin' is weird." I broke the hug before he did and watched as he made his way out.

Dinner with Emmett, Mrs Cullen, and Edward.

What was I getting myself into?

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**E/N: So, here's the thing: The next chapter is pretty darn amazing. Review this chapter, and Michelle will send you out a teaser for chapter 31….and it's worth it. Seriously.**

**Lastly, LFBF has a page on the Twilighted forums, and Michelle and Paige both have twitter accounts. Check them out if you wanna – teasers and random LFBF ramblings (along with other incredibly random ramblings) make it worth it. I think.**


	31. Dinner Reservations

**A/N: Onward to chapter thirty one of Little Fish, Big Fish! This is a joint production between Paige Parker (writing Bella) and Michelle M. Marie (writing Edward).**

**HUGE thanks, as always, to our amazing betas, TRDancer and SqueakyZorro. You girls are so very amazing, and know how to keep Michelle and her commas (and plot issues) in check.**

**Thanks to Detochkina – for making sure that Michelle keeps her E as masculine as possible. Heh heh…**

**And a big 'ol THANK YOU to all of you who are still reading and reviewing and rec'cing. You guys are so very amazing – and make writing this story so much more fun (as if that was even possible!)!**

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Edward POV**

"Calm down, Edward. You're making me nervous right now, and I have no reason to be nervous."

I switched my phone to my other ear and wiped my now free hand on my jeans. I was so worked up over having Bella over for dinner with the family that my palms were sweating.

_Get it together, Edward._

"I'm sorry, Esme..."

"Edward, baby. Stop, okay? No apologies to me tonight. It seems that you'll have to save all of your apologies for Bella."

I let out an anguished groan. "That's what's fucking stressing me out, Ma."

"You have owed it to her since high school. Both of you need to have this conversation, honey. Just speak what's in your heart, and you should be fine."

"'Speak what's in my heart?' What kind of bullshit line is that?"

"The kind of bullshit line that you need to hear right now, baby. You overthink everything. Maybe just this time you don't overthink things, and go with what your heart tells you."

I bit the inside of my cheek, feeling my insides twist. "What if it isn't enough?"

"What if, what if, what if? You can't worry yourself about the what ifs. You sure as hell didn't worry about the proper 'what ifs' when you were dating Bella last time, right?"

"Right." _All I thought about was other people's reactions, and I completely disregarded what Bella would want._

_I was such a fucking tool. Thinking that Bella would be better off without me? Because I was afraid of love, using my father as an example of why love couldn't exist? Fucking ridiculous._

"So just man up and grab the bull by the horns, Edward. Make this right. Or so help me, child, I will throw you over my knee and spank you."

My mother successfully made me laugh, breaking my tense stance. "Spank me? What...Es, have you ever done anything remotely close to punishing me like that? Or Emmett?"

"It's time to prove that I raised you right, and you can start by officially apologizing to Bella. Now, for the love of all that is holy, stop worrying about this and focus on bringing some really good wine with you to dinner."

"Always worrying about the important stuff, right, Mom?"

"Oh baby, you know that I worry about you. Honestly though, for the first time in years, I feel that you are heading down the right path with trying to talk to Bella and make this right."

"Is that you saying that you like Bella still?" I asked with a laugh.

"Silly boy - I never stopped liking her."

XXX

The plan for tonight was simple: Emmett was to invite Bella to dinner (since we knew that she wouldn't come if I were the one to invite her), we would spend time with my family (for Esme's sake) and I would take Bella for a walk and apologize for the last fourteen years. No big deal, right?

No pressure. None. At. All.

Needless to say, I was still beyond fucking nervous about tonight. And if talking to Esme didn't help me prepare for the night, then I had no idea what was gonna calm me down.

_May as well just get this over with, right? It's a fucking long time coming, Edward, and it needs to be done. It's time to man up and admit that you were wrong._

Arriving at the fashionably late time that I had aimed for, I opened the door to Emmett's house with clammy hands and stepped inside.

I didn't even have to notice the shoes that were carefully discarded by the side of the door to know that Bella was there already. I could feel _her_, the essence of _her_ and it was making the blood pump furiously through my veins.

Of course, the sight of the boots did nothing for my calm facade...which was now slowly crumbling.

Closing my eyes tightly in an attempt to center myself once more, I walked towards the voices that were coming from the dining room. I could hear my nieces and nephew playing in the living room, but I decided to bite the bullet and see Bella first - which was obviously what I wanted to do anyways.

I rounded the corner and focused my attention on the two women in front of me.

"Edward!" my mother exclaimed, and looked pointedly at her watch. "You're late, baby. Here, give me that wine - Bella and I need a drink."

I walked over to Esme and embraced her in a hug before passing her the bottle that I was holding on to for dear life and turned to look at Bella.

Seeing her dressed down in jeans for the first time since high school, she looked...

Bella looked...

Perfect. Absolutely fucking perfect. Calm, relaxed, happy even.

_Of course, it doesn't help that Bella is sitting here, talking to your mother, casual as all hell. It is as though she was meant to be doing this, meant to fit in with your family as perfectly as she is right now._

"Bella," I said in the smoothest voice that I could conjure up. "It's so good to see you again. Outside of work, of course." _And not drunk. And not where you are making out with my brother in a club._

I walked over to her and wanted so badly to hug her or...more...but instead I chickened out and reached my hand out for her to shake.

"Hi, Edward," she responded. She shook my hand, but it just seemed awkward.

I watched as Esme left the room, probably to grab some wine glasses. _Of course my mother has to take this sober gathering and introduce alcohol. Fuck._

"Catching up with my mother, huh? She has missed you."

_Really, Edward? You get Bella alone and you talk about your mother? You wanted this opportunity, so use it, man._

"She's just as I remembered her. Funny how some things change, but others remain the same."

"My mother has always been amazing. One of the things that my dad didn't destroy was her...spirit."

_Her spirit? Where the fuck did that come from?_

I was brought back to reality as I heard a crash come from the kitchen. Esme yelled out a few curses as I heard what sounded like broken glass being swept up.

"Everything okay, Mom? Did you need help?" I asked, raising my voice so she could hear me in the kitchen.

"Fine. Everything is fine. Just caused myself a mess. Keep talking without me, honey."

Bella gave me a tight smile. "Spirit can be easily crushed. Your mom's a strong woman. You're very lucky."

I felt my chest tighten as I struggled to keep smiling. "Lucky. Sure." I swallowed uneasily and scratched the back of my neck. "Listen, Bella. I know that you are here for my family dinner tonight. But do you think that maybe you would be able to go for a walk with me afterwards or something? It's so beautiful outside - I'd really like to commune with nature after our meal."

_Ha. Didn't sound like a pompous asshole there at all._

"Commune with nature?" she asked, a grin spreading across her lips. "I'm thinking we don't commune in the same way, but I'll take that walk."

"You still commune the same way you did when we were at FHS, behind the school?" I couldn't help but smile at the memory of how relaxed Bella was when she was smoking pot.

"And tell you something that might incriminate me?"

"Incriminate you? Now why would I do something like that?" I asked with a cheeky grin.

She replied with a soft smile and an easy laugh.

I smirked at her, happy that she seemed like she was relaxing a little bit. "It's just been so long, you know? It's been so long since I have talked to you like this, and I realized that the last time we talked, I knew how much you loved smoking up. And smoking up with Jasper. Now...I have no idea what you are like..."

Her smile faded as she went silent, studying me with brows furrowed. "Are you nervous?"

I let out a deep breath. "I'm trying not to be," I answered.

"Why? Why are you nervous?"

"Honestly?"

"I wouldn't have asked if I didn't want to hear the answer."

I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips. "See, that right there. That's what I missed, Bella."

"What? You've missed people being direct? Who are your friends, Edward?"

_People being direct don't matter to me. Bella being direct? That's what I have missed._

"I don't get close enough to people to make good friends, outside of work associates and family. It's just...there is no point in it."

"Why? Surely you have someone you're close to?" she asked, looking a little confused.

"You're right, Bella. After all these years, I am still close with Esme and Emmett. And my nieces and nephew, but I am sure you can understand that my relationship with them is a little different than with any adult."

"Why no adult friendships? No guy friends? No girlfriends?"

"I was too focused on working to make any good guy friends; every free moment that I had, I put into my construction company. And no, no girlfriends." _Never any girlfriends._

"Sounds like it was lonely," she said softly with an undertone of sadness.

"Yeah, well..." _I did it to myself, so I can't complain now, can I? _"I have my dog," I said with a shrug of my shoulders. "But I don't want to talk about me, Bella. Tell me about you; tell me what you do with your free time. I noticed a while back that you obviously still take pictures, and that there seem to be some amazing people in your life right now. Tell me about them."

She shrugged. "I guess I'm a bit of a people collector. You've met Irina and Caius. I suppose I'm closest with them. I have a tight family, and as daft as they can be sometimes, they are all supportive."

"You have a tight family and all, so why is it that you never settled down? Or is that something that was for Jasper and not you?"

"I never felt the urge. Jasper was different, he wanted roots. Who was I to deny him that?"

"You would never deny anyone anything, Bella." _Even if it is something that hurts you beyond words, you would never say no. Never stand up for yourself. Never badmouth anyone the way they should have been badmouthed, because they deserved it._ "Are you guys...are you still close?"

"No, not really. He calls once in a while, sends pictures of the kids. I haven't seen him in a few years."

"Are you fucking kidding me? How is that possible? You guys were so close. Peas in a pod and all of that..." My foot started nervously tapping and my hands started wringing themselves.

"People change, Edward. He's happy. That's all I ever wanted for him."

"So he is happy at the expense of your feelings, right?" My fists balled up at my sides and I fought against clenching my teeth. "You are better than that, Bella. I know how much he meant to you, how much you had invested in his friendship. And, after everything...all of the fights...fuck. I never should have let him kick my ass. I should have fucking fought back. If I had known that he was going to leave you..."

"He had to leave, Edward. If he'd gone with me he would have passed up on the best thing in his life. He wouldn't have been happy sticking around."

"Leaving you and not keeping in touch is completely different than just...moving." I raked a hand through my hair and started tugging on the ends... "Is this about Alice? Did Alice have a hard time with how close you and Jasper were?"

"That was part of it. I don't blame her though. It's hard to understand."

"No, no. I remember all too well - your situation with Jasper was quite unique. Which is why I'm having such a hard time grasping that you aren't close with him anymore."

_Please, Bella. Please explain this to me. Please explain why someone who you would walk to the ends of the earth for is no longer part of your "family."_

"Things change," she said with a shrug.

I tried to calm myself down, calm the anger that I was holding towards Jasper and turn it into sheer concern for Bella.

"I know that things change," I said, reaching my hand out to Bella. I grabbed her arm and gently squeezed it, trying to show her that I really wanted to hear what she would be willing to tell me. "And I know that I don't deserve to press you on this, but it bothers me a lot, because I remember how close you guys were. What happened, Bella? What happened between you and Jasper?"

"He found the other half of his soul in Alice. He needed to go with her, to be with her. He wouldn't have been complete without her. I understood that so I let him go. I'm happy for him. Sure, it hurts sometimes to not have him around, and I miss our closeness, but knowing he made the right decision makes me happy."

"I'm so sorry, Bella. I'm sorry that Jasper wasn't able to understand how important you are, and that he was able to let you go."

_Hypocrite! Motherfucking hypocrite!_

"It's not that he didn't think I was important. He and I were the same soul … eventually we would have to part. We both had to grow."

"But you guys had to grow apart? I guess that when we were in high school, and I...I..." _Broke up with you. _"I thought that you would always have Jasper. That's what...why...fuck. I mean..."

I took a deep breath and cleared my head, trying to pull myself together. "I don't know what I am saying anymore, other than the fact that I can't believe that Jasper was able to live with himself after 'growing apart from you.'"

"I told him to."

"So? You sacrificed your happiness for his? Fuck, Bella, that's bullshit."

"And what should I have done? Let him sacrifice his own if he came with me? I couldn't live with that," she said, resolute in the decision she had made all those years ago.

"Don't you ever regret it? I'm sure that losing your other half was the hardest thing you've ever had to go through. Do you ever wish that you hadn't made that decision? Wish that things had turned out differently?"

"Sometimes I think about it." She paused a moment in reflection. "But you can't change the past."

"But you can regret it. Every moment of every day, you can regret decisions that you have made regarding the people in your life." I thought of my own regrets – the ones that ate at me constantly.

"You can, but Jasper is in a good spot. He has a wife who loves him and kids he adores. What's to regret?"

I wasn't talking about Bella and Jasper anymore, and I wasn't sure if she knew that or not. "Are you happy, Bella? Or is it just Jasper that's happy?"

She looked at me for a long time before answering. "I do the things I love."

"But does that make you happy? I do the things that I love, too, but that doesn't...doesn't...it means nothing."

"It makes life interesting. That makes me happy." She didn't sound all that convincing.

"My dog makes life interesting, Bella. He greets me when I get home, chews on my shoes when I'm not looking, and helps keep my bed warm at night. But try as he might, he doesn't make me happy. Not even close."

"I'm happy, Edward." I could tell that she wasn't being entirely truthful.

I narrowed my eyes at her but decided to drop the subject. "Then I'm glad that you're happy. That's all I ever wanted for you."

"Didn't think you would have thought of me much."

_Every day. I thought of you every day. _"I did think about you a lot, Bella. I still do," I admitted.

"Why?"

"Because someone like you isn't easy to forget."

"Edward, that was pure fromage." She shook her head, chuckling.

"I know it was, but you know me...always fromage. Can't stay away from it."

Before Bella even had a chance to respond to me, Carmen, my niece, came bounding into the dining room. "Uncle E! Uncle E! I didn't know that you were here!" She ran up to me and wrapped her arms around my legs before turning her attention to Bella. "Who are you?"

"I'm Bella, a friend of Uncle E. What's your name?"

My heart did crazy things in my chest when Bella chose to introduce herself as a friend of mine over all other descriptions she could have gone with. _Family friend would have worked just as well...but I am so glad that she went with being mine first and foremost._

Carmen, suddenly becoming very shy, decided to attempt to hide behind me. "Carm, what's up?" I questioned. " Introduce yourself to my Bella, silly girl."

"I'm Carmen," she said, still using me as a shield of sorts between her and Bella. "How come I never met you before? Uncle E never brings friends to family dinners."

"I've been living far away," she said, crouching down to be at Carmen's level. "When Uncle E knew I was going to be close by, he thought I should come and meet you."

"Wait a sec," Carmen said, reaching her hands out to touch Bella's hair. "I seen you before."

"Oh? From where?"

"Uncle E's house."

"I've never been to Uncle E's house. Maybe you saw me somewhere else?"

"No. It was Uncle E's house. In the room that he doesn't let us go into."

"Carmen?" I swallowed thickly. "That's not anything you should really be talking about with other people, baby. They're going to get the wrong idea."

"Secret room?" Bella asked, looking up at me. She looked back at Carmen. "Did you go into the room?"

"It isn't really a secret room..." I started out, before my niece interrupted me.

"It's Uncle's private room," Carmen said, enunciating the word _private_.

"What does he keep in his private room?" she asked with a grin.

_No no no no no..._

"Pictures." She leaned in towards Bella and whispered in her ear, just loud enough for me to hear. "I shouldn't say any more. Uncle E doesn't know that Chelsea and I were snooping."

"What kind of pictures? I won't tell Uncle E that I know."

"There was a _naked_ one of you. Hanging over the fireplace."

_Fuuuuck. How the hell is it possible that she recognized Bella after only seeing that picture once? Not to mention the fact that Bella was practically a child in that picture..._

"Oh really?" she said, more of a statement than a question. She stood back up and looked me in the eye, a brow raised.

"Yeah, uhm...about that..."

Her arms crossed under her chest. "Is this something we need to talk about later, Uncle E?"

"Ahhh...Carmen, baby, mind giving me and Bella a second alone?" I asked, massaging her shoulders.

"Are you in trouble?" she questioned, her eyes going wide. "I didn't mean to get you in trouble..."

"I'm not in trouble-" _yet- _"I just need to talk to Bella for a little bit. Give us a few minutes, okay?"

She gingerly nodded and left the room, leaving just Bella and me by ourselves.

"I'm sorry, I tried to keep the kids out of that room..." I started, rubbing the back of my neck and waiting for Bella to respond.

"Have you been stalking me?"

"What the...are you serious, Bella? Stalking? You think I am stalking you?"

"A naked picture?"

"From _high school_, Bella. The pictures that I have of you are the ones from high school. Carmen was a little mistaken - the 'naked' picture of you is the one from your art show all of those years ago."

"Oh God, you have those?"

I frowned. "Why wouldn't I have them?"

"That picture is probably considered child porn," she said with an embarrassed laugh.

I shook my head. "It never seemed pornographic to me, B."

"I wasn't even 18. Doesn't that make it one of those barely legal shots?"

"Your art has taste to it, and you know it, so don't even try to make me sound like some kind of pervert with pictures of naked kids hanging in his house. It didn't matter that you weren't even 18, because...it was...you. You, pictured the way I remembered you."

"I think the police would say otherwise." I could tell she was trying to get a reaction.

"You calling the police on me?" I smirked uneasily. "Over a picture that was purchased, fair and square?"

"I'm sure a lot of barely legal gets purchased 'fair and square'."

I narrowed my eyes at her and let out a huff. "You want me to take it down, Bella? Does it bother you that much?"

"Well, it is kinda creepy. Flattered, but creepy."

"It's so much more to me than a picture," I admitted, before I looked at Bella sadly. "Never mind, forget that my niece said anything to you. I'll take care of it when I get home."

My mother, who most likely had been eavesdropping for a moment or two, decided to dip into the room to announce that dinner was done and that we needed to take our seats. Esme ushered Bella into a chair at the dining room table as I disappeared into the kitchen, where Bella couldn't see me.

Emmett made his way into the kitchen and clapped a hand on my shoulder. "How's it going out there, little bro?"

"Terrible," I answered, gripping onto the kitchen counter. "Motherfucking terrible."

"Carmen told me that she accidentally spilled the beans about the picture that you still have hanging up in your office of Bella. Dude, I had no idea you still had that."

"I don't want to talk about it right now, because I'm going to lose my nerve to finish talking with her tonight."

"I'm sorry, Edward," Emmett said remorsefully.

"Hey, at least I know that it can't get any worse from here on out, right?"

He nodded, and I followed him back into the dining room as I took my seat next to my nephew.

Chelsea, being the oldest, started questioning Bella immediately.

"Dad said you're famous. How come I've never really heard of you if you're famous?"

"I'm not famous like an actor or actress. I guess I'm famous for taking pictures and working in movies."

"So you don't know Robert Pattinson? Why do you work in movies if you don't know him? He is the only reason why I'd ever want to make a movie."

"I've worked with Robert Pattinson."

"No way. No WAY. Was he, like, amazing? And hot? Did you shake his hand? Can I shake your hand? Ohmigosh, ohmigosh, ohmigosh!" Chelsea was practically bouncing in her seat with excitement. "Do you have his phone number? Are you guys friends? Did you go out on a date? Is he your secret boyfriend?"

Bella laughed. "I did shake his hand, I don't have his number, we are acquaintances, we didn't go out on a date, and no, he isn't my secret boyfriend. Sorry it's not more exciting."

"Do you like him more than you like my dad?" Carmen questioned. "Chelsea always talks about how much she loves him more than any other man in the world. Do you like him more than you like my dad? Or uncle E?"

"I think it is safe to say that your dad and Uncle E are much, much better than Robert Pattinson."

"Nuh uh. No way," Chelsea said.

"You are just jealous that she shook his hand and you haven't," Carmen piped up. "And I think she is right. Daddy and Uncle E are much better."

"Have you met Spiderman?" Felix asked, taking us all my surprise. I couldn't contain the laughter that bubbled up after his question.

_Only Felix._

"You know what? I did meet Spiderman."

Felix nodded his head excitedly. "Uncle E took me to meet him once, too. We had so much fun."

"Spiderman is a great guy. I'm not surprised that you had fun."

Felix cocked his head and stared at Bella for a moment. "Is it true that Uncle E loves you? I heard Gramma tell Daddy that he loves you. Does that mean that you guys are gonna get married and have babies?"

I almost choked. Emmett got up from his seat and slapped me hard on the back.

My mother spoke before I was able to find my voice again. "You misheard me, baby. I was talking about the special kind of love that friends have. Why don't we talk about that?"

Carmen and Chelsea, not as easily fooled as their younger brother, shared a look with me before looking over at Bella.

As my family let the subject drop, the rest of dinner passed by in a flurry of laughter and reminiscing. The kids were interested to hear about what their dad was like in high school - outside of their mom, of course, and outside of the stories that I had already told them.

As dinner wound down, I found myself picking up the dishes as my nephew was regaling Bella with a story about his best friend. Bella was listening with rapt attention, and I was again amazed by how well she seemed to fit in with my family.

_It's not fazing her one bit that she is sitting with people that she isn't familiar with - half of them she really hasn't seen much in the last fourteen years, the other half, kids that she had never met before tonight._

_And she doesn't seem to be the least bit affected by what Felix said earlier. Thank fucking God._

Emmett cleared his throat after his son finished talking Bella's ear off. "So, B...still into photography, yeah?"

"Yes, I'm still into photography."

"I had a question for you, then," he said, leaning back into his chair.

"Sure …"

"What would you think about having a family shoot? You know, take pictures of my wonderful family?"

"Yeah, I could do that. Have a location in mind?"

"Nothing in particular. Just spit-balling ideas right now, you know?"

"Maybe somewhere here, around the house. We can figure it out."

"Sounds good, B. Keep in touch, okay? Let me know if you get any more ideas. We can set up a time that works out for all of us later."

"Yeah, sure. I'll have to schedule it around filming, so it might be short notice."

"That sounds great. I'm sure our schedules aren't as busy as yours is." Emmett motioned to the kids before standing from the table. "Kids, mind helping me pick up? Uncle Edward can clean up next week, when we have dinner at his house." Emmett gave me a pointed glance, and I turned to look at Bella.

"Mind if we take that walk right now?" I asked her, taking advantage of the lull in conversation to get her attention.

"Sure, let me just grab my purse," she responded.

_It's now or never, asshole. _My heart started pumping faster in anticipation of the conversation that I was getting ready to have with Bella.

I waited for her to grab her stuff and walked with her to put our shoes on.

Once we were ready to go, I opened the door for Bella and followed her out of the house. Pointing to the nature trail that was conveniently located to the side of Emmett's house, we headed towards the woods. It was a beautiful night out - not too hot, not too cool. The sun had started to set, and the lighting was perfect for our walk.

It gave everything this amazingly ethereal feel. As beautiful as our surroundings were, my anxiety slowly reared its ugly head once again.

"Thanks for going on this walk with me," I said, feeling my voice start to shake with the adrenaline that was coursing through my veins.

"No problem, it's nice out here."

"Not as nice as the company," I said, before stopping and hitting myself on the forehead. "I'm so sorry...being around you makes me say just the fucking stupidest things."

"Just relax, Edward."

"Relax. Right." _How the fuck can I relax when I am close to doing something that should have been done fourteen fucking years ago?_

Now, far away from the house, Bella reached into her purse and pulled out a joint.

"I was wondering why you were carrying your purse. Guess that," I motioned to the pot, "answers my question."

"Don't mind, do you?"

"Absolutely not. It's good to know that at least something about you is the same as I remember."

We continued walking in silence, Bella smoking and me watching her, before we came upon a small clearing that overlooked a small pond.

"Hold up, Bella," I said, reaching out and grabbing Bella's arm. "Can we stop here for a second?"

"Mmmm, sure."

"Listen, I have been thinking about things a lot lately."

"About what?"

"About you. About what I did to you."

"Sorry, maybe I shouldn't have smoked. I don't follow."

Like a coward, I looked down at my feet instead of looking at Bella. "These past few weeks that I've been able to get to know you again, fuck. They've been the best days that I can remember."

"Where are you going with this?" she asked. I could sense that she was nervous.

I brought my eyes back up to Bella's face before I started again. I took a moment to admire how beautiful she looked in the natural light, and I remembered just how much I loved this woman.

_She deserves the truth. Every fucking bit of it._

"It's made me realize that I never apologized like I should have." I started to pace, back and forth. The look of bewilderment on Bella's face prompted me to continue.

"And all of the talk earlier about 'happiness 'and what it means, well, it had my head spinning." Bella stood there, allowing me to continue without interruption, even though she clearly was not completely following my train of thought yet.

The buildup was killing me, until it all came out, like word vomit. "The truth is, Bella, I haven't been happy since I broke up with you. By doing what I thought was right, by leaving you, I thought that I was sparing you from a miserable existence with me. You remember my dad, right? The asshole that degraded you every chance that he got? Well when I was a sophomore in high school, he told me that he was always hardest on me because he felt that he and I were alike. Me… like my father, the asshole. He had me convinced that I was like him, the person I most despised, and it fucking killed me inside. You deserved so much better than that, so much more than what I thought I could give you. I was so sure that you could go out and fulfill all of your dreams, and that your life would be better off without me.

"Breaking up with you, well, it was a moment that defined who I was...and I don't like what I've been shaped into, what I allowed myself to become. I broke up with you to save you, and what the fuck did I succeed in doing? Nothing. I succeeded in nothing but making my life as miserable of an existence as you could ever imagine. You didn't go out there and find someone amazing, Bella; instead, you left everything that you loved when I knew you. Sure, you are beyond fucking successful - which was never a question in my mind, given how talented you are, you would have been successful no matter what.

"I miss you so much, Bella. I miss what we had; I miss the love that you showed me. I miss being with my fucking soul mate."

I felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders as I watched what I said to Bella settle in. She was silent for a long while and then looked from me out over the pond.

"You crushed me. I put everything out for you, everything, and you..." She shook her head and wrapped her arms around herself. "I loved you, and you took it and threw it away."

"It was the biggest mistake of my life, Bella." I wanted to walk over to her, to hug her, but her body language was telling me to keep my distance. "I am so fucking sorry for what I did. If I could go back and take it all back, every fucking stupid lie that I told that day in the lunchroom, I would. In a Goddamn heartbeat."

"No, you don't get to just say sorry and make it all better." She turned to look at me, her eyes full of hurt. "Do you have any idea what those words did? It wasn't just school, it was everything. I couldn't get out of Forks fast enough because I thought that if I left, the hurt would stop, but it didn't. It followed. Everywhere I went your voice was all I heard. Any guy I tried to date, all I could think was that I was some sort of cheap whore. That's what you did." She turned away, but I could see the tears filling her eyes.

"Oh Bella, I am..." I tried to swallow, but found that it was impossible. "I didn't...I am so fucking...shit." I barely whispered, raking my hands through my hair. "You were - and still are - my world, and I...all I ever wanted was what was best for you. I had no idea, none...I just, I did what I thought was right because you deserved better than what I thought I could give you. I didn't think that I could love you the way you deserved – until it was too late. Until I realized that I did love you, more than anything, but it was too late to do anything about it. I had lied through my teeth in the worst way possible, because I knew that any other way, I wouldn't have gone through with it. I would have broken down and told you that it was a lie, and that I loved you, and that I always would love you. And I wanted you to get away from me. I wanted you to be away from how shitty my stupid fucking life was."

"This doesn't get to be about you."

"You are right, Bella. Please, just...please let me apologize to you and show you how truly sorry I am. Even if I am not worth the apology."

"It doesn't matter how many sorries you spout out. It doesn't change things."

I nodded, but found myself unable to look Bella in the eyes. The pain that was radiating off her was unbearable, and by keeping my eyes averted, I was able to keep breathing.

"I understand, Bella. But it doesn't mean that I am going to stop trying. Unless..."

I stopped, feeling my voice break. "Unless you want me to stop. Unless you are able to look me in the eyes and tell me that I mean nothing. And that I will never mean anything, ever again, and that you want me to stop because it's making you uncomfortable. But if there is any chance, that you could ever...then I won't stop. Until the day I die, I will continue apologizing."

"I tried to hate you," she whispered, tears rolling down her cheeks. "I tried."

"I hate myself enough for the both of us for doing this to you."

"Then why did you... No, I don't want to know, it doesn't matter." She wiped the tears from her face.

I itched to wipe the tears off her cheeks, but kept my hands to myself. "Why did I? It does matter, Bella. I did it...because I knew, even as a child, that I didn't deserve you, and that I never would. I felt like I was some kind of rotten person who was destined to be like my father, destined to make my significant other as miserable as my mother was when she was with my father. I was an idiotic fool, who wanted to prove that he wasn't selfish enough to try to keep something that should never have been his in the first place. So…I let you go before I destroyed you, before I destroyed what I loved."

"Then why are you doing this?"

I started pacing, my nervous energy getting the best of me once again. "Because...because you needed to hear the truth. You needed to know that what I said was a lie, Bella. The worst lie I have ever told...It made me sick to my stomach when I said it, and that feeling never went away."

"Well, now I know," she said, her voice little more than a whisper. I could see her emotions dance across her features… sadness, understanding, hurt.

I nodded and looked at the pond as I stuffed my hands into my pockets. After a few tense, silent minutes, I looked up at Bella and attempted to hold her gaze.

"Listen," I said, taking my hands out of my pockets. "Is there any way that we can start over again?"

"How do we start over?"

"Let's just try this. Hi," I said, reaching my hand out. "I'm Edward. If you call me Eddie, I will kill someone in a very inhumane way."

I remembered the words as though I had only said them yesterday.

"I'm Isabella, but you, you can call me Bella. Nice to meet you," she said, sniffing back tears, a small smile pulling at her lips as she placed her hand briefly in my own.

She had remembered too.

"It is very nice to meet you, Bella."

"And you as well, Edward, not Eddie."

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**E/N:**

**Not to worry, our**** little friends…the story isn't even close to being a HEA yet. I mean, you guys don't think that Bells-a-bub would forgive Shaggy THAT easily, do you? She still has some things up her sleeves, trust us.**

**Hope that this chapter lives up to your expectations! As usual, ****every review that we get for this chapter, a teaser will be sent out for chapter 32. If Michelle could think of one way to describe chapter 32…it would be steamy.**

**Yum.**

**Let us know what you think!**


	32. Anger is the Monkey on My Back

**A/N: Welcome to another chapter of LFBF, a collab between Paige Parkker (writing Bella) and Michelle M Marie (writing Edward). Neither of these ladies own anything Twilight, though Michelle did get a glimpse of the infamous leaked Breaking Dawn photos (shhhh! Don't tell anyone, but that headboard shot was HOT!).  
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**HUUUUUUUUGE thank you to SqueekyZorro and TRDancer for shining this chapter up and making it readable. You guys are the best Betas out there…thank you for making sure that everything flows the way it should.**

**And, as always, THANK YOU to Detochkina for helping Michelle with awkward phrases. And for making sure that E didn't come across as a little bitch. And for like a million other things (as per usual). If you guys haven't read her story "Sinnerman", WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU WAITING FOR? (Link in Michelle's favorites…go check it out! Seriously. SERIOUSLY!)  
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**It's been awhile, so here is a re-cap if you all need one: last chapter left off with Edward FINALLY apologizing to Bella, and the two of them shaking hands, agreeing to start over. Here is the chapter that took Paige and Michelle almost TWO FRIGGIN MONTHS to write! Hope you all enjoy! See you at the end.**

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**Edward POV**

I don't know what I was expecting when Bella and I decided to "start over," but it sure as hell wasn't this.

The delicate dance that we had been doing around each other was now...intensified, and it crackled with the kind of sexual tension that I hadn't felt since I was in high school.

But all of that being said, no matter how much our bodies were drawn to each other, Bella tried to avoid me as much as possible. If she saw me approaching her on set, she suddenly needed to take a break. When I would follow her to her trailer (hey, she already accused me of stalking, so I didn't feel bad about following her), she would magically be needed for an emergency on set.

It's not like I could blame her for ignoring me, but I thought that by us starting over, things would be a little different.

Guess I was wrong. _As usual._

Getting the runaround for a few days was enough to drive me fucking mad. I mean, she had agreed to start over again, right? I'd been so happy she was giving me a second chance…until her avoidance showed me she meant "start over" as in "act like total strangers who'd never met, never loved". The high followed by the crash devastated me. Finally deciding to take matters into my own hands, and unable to bear any more, I followed Bella closely to the one place that she couldn't outrun me again: her trailer.

I gently rapped on her door.

Bella opened the door. "What can I do for you, Edward?"

"Can I come in?"

"Yeah, I guess." She moved into the trailer, allowing me through the door.

It was obvious that she was reluctant to see me, and I frowned to myself before deciding to step into the trailer.

_We are going to talk, whether she likes it or not. We are starting over, and there is no room for miscommunication anymore; I am not wasting any more of my life wondering what is going on inside of her head._

I took a seat and watched as Bella continued standing, placing herself a short distance away.

"Look, Bella. I can tell that you are distancing yourself from me right now, and I get that. But...why does this have to be so weird?"

"What's weird?"

"You're avoiding me. And it feels like you are avoiding me more than before I apologized to you."

"I've just been busy, Edward."

I shook my head. "I know you've been busy, but...I have seen you busy before. That isn't it."

"Well, what is it?"

"I just...I thought that we were starting over. Trying to build a friendship, perhaps?"

"Yes. What are you getting at?"

I looked her square in the eyes and struggled to hold her gaze. "We can't build a friendship if you avoid me at all costs."

"I'm not avoiding, I've been busy. I can't just drop everything because you want to build a friendship."

The energy between us crackled, and I felt the urge to touch her in some way. Giving in to the temptation, I grabbed her hand and held it tightly. "I'm not asking you to drop everything to build a friendship with me..."

"Then what is all this?"

"I'm asking for something. Something that is...not less than what you gave me before." I ran my free hand through my hair, as I tended to do when I was frustrated. "Do you not feel like you are ignoring me a lot lately? Now that we have finally talked?"

"I don't know, Edward."

_You do know, you just aren't comfortable saying anything to me. Either that, or you don't want to say anything to me...I'm not sure which is better. Or which is worse, for that matter._

"I just don't...you know what? Never mind. Are you available for dinner tomorrow night? Or the night after? Or the night after that?"

_Not that I'm desperate or anything. Oh, who the fuck am I fooling? I'm totally bat shit crazy desperate._

"Yeah, we can do dinner. Can I get back to you on the date? I just need to see where the filming schedule is at."

"Yeah, sure. Filming schedule. That's...understandable," I said, not able to mask my disappointment.

"I'll call you."

I took that as my cue to leave, and I reluctantly stood up to go. "Okay. Sounds good."

XXX

I wanted to believe that Bella wasn't intentionally ignoring me, but as time went on, it was obvious that she wanted nothing to do with me. It seemed her idea of "starting over" meant starting over as complete strangers.

I kept telling myself that it was okay, that she was just busy and wasn't intending to hurt my feelings by seeing less of me than ever before...

But it wasn't working. I was hurt, and lonely...and unbearably depressed.

Since I had no right to wallow in self-pity as I normally did over anything I had done to Bella - I deserved everything she threw at me - I decided to take my mother out to dinner that Friday night.

We arrived at this incredibly swanky place located in downtown Seattle and were seated right away.

"Thank you so much for taking me out tonight, Edward. It's really nice getting out every once in a while, isn't it?"

"If this is a stab towards my lack of a social life, I will have you know that I am still working on it, Mother."

My mother raised a brow at me before picking up her menu. "So, my fears of you dying alone surrounded by dogs...?"

"I screwed up with Bella big time, Esme; it's gonna take a lot more than apologizing and baring my soul to get her to even think about forgiving me. So...yeah, at this point, it's just me and Mr. Pattinson. But who knows what the universe has in store for me? Maybe I'll die alone with my dog...or maybe I won't."

We ordered a few drinks before placing our order for dinner. It was nice just sitting and talking to my mom when we had no real agenda, or anything we needed to talk about.

My eyes drifted across the busy restaurant and landed on a familiar face, a face that I knew better than my own, the face that I saw when I closed my eyes at night, the face that I had dreamed about since I was seventeen.

Bella. Bella was here. Bella was here with...Caius.

_You've got to be fucking kidding me._

Without thinking, I stood up and started towards Bella's table, leaving a thoroughly confused Esme behind me.

I was shaking with jealousy at seeing Bella out on a fucking _date_. A date...when she couldn't commit to going to dinner with me.

She was sitting very close to Caius, and it was obvious that she was having a very intimate conversation with him.

Unable to control my shaky voice, I opened my mouth to address the scene in front of me. "Bella..."

"Oh, Edward." She seemed surprised to see me.

"Do you have..." I swallowed, trying to keep my emotions at bay. "Do you have a second?"

She looked to Caius, who was giving her a smug smile, and then back to me. "I guess so," she said, rising.

I led her across the dining area to the corner of the bar that had just been vacated.

"Seriously," I started. "You couldn't find time to do anything with me this week. Because you're, what? Busy with Caius? Are you dating him? What the fuck, Bella? Why would...why...?"

"Not that it's any of your business, but we're having a working dinner."

"That's not what it fucking looked like." My heart was pounding so hard that I could hear it beat in my ears over the sound of the busy restaurant.

"Where the fuck do you get off questioning me like this? I'm having dinner with Caius, just like I do most nights."

"The nights that you were too busy to do anything with me? You were too busy because you were having dinner. With him." I pointed at Caius accusingly. "Are you fucking him, Bella?"

"Fucking Caius?" she questioned with disbelief. "Edward, you'd have a better chance of fucking Caius than I would," she said, crossing her arms under her breasts.

"Wha...what?" I stepped back, my brain refusing to process what Bella had just said.

"You heard me, and I'm not going to repeat myself."

"Caius, the man that you were having dinner with, the man that you were sitting quite close with, having a seemingly intimate conversation with, is gay," I stated. "Is that what you're telling me?"

"Did you want to go ask him?"

"Would you lie to me about that?"

"Why would I lie, Edward?"

"I don't know, Bella. Why would you ignore me for weeks and insist that you're simply too busy to give me the time of day? When you're clearly out having dinner with...him?"

"Have I ever lied to you, Edward?"

_No, that's my thing. Obviously. _"No."

"So why would I lie about this?"

"You just..." I said, leaning in closer to her. "It isn't the possibility of you lying, Bella. You just fucking get under my skin. Frustrate me beyond words."

"That's not my problem!" she exclaimed, her voice rising. "Don't project your issues onto me. I told you I'd get back to you about dinner and I will!"

"Don't you see? Bella, all of my issues stem from you!" I looked around the room. "Any of these people here - shit, anyone in the state of Washington could avoid me like you have, and I wouldn't care. But you? You ignoring me, claiming that you aren't doing it on purpose? It fucking makes my blood boil. Maybe it's jealousy, maybe it's more..." _It's definitely much, much more. _"But it's something. And that something is driving me fucking nuts."

"Maybe you should get some help, Edward," she huffed.

"What, and admit that my happiness hinges on one person? Well, maybe you should stop avoiding me. Avoiding this." I reached my arm around her and pulled her closer to me before I tilted my head down next to hers.

_Her lips are so close to mine...so close, all I have to do is move a few inches and I can...I can..._

Unable to hold myself back any more, I captured Bella's lips without further hesitation. She seemed startled at first, until her lips parted, inviting me inside. And despite the drone of background noise from the restaurant, I could hear her breathy moan.

She broke off the kiss and pushed at me. She looked into my eyes, anger clouding hers. "I'm not doing this." She turned and walked away, weaving back through the tables to Caius.

I watched in disbelief as she returned to her table as if nothing had happened. _As if we hadn't shared one of the best kisses that I have had in my life, simply because of the person that I had shared it with._

_This is...this is fucking bullshit._

I stood at the bar for a moment, still shocked that Bella walked away from me after kissing me _again._

_What the fuck do I have to do to keep her from leaving as soon as she kisses me?_

_...Maybe it doesn't help that you basically walked away from her the first - and only - time that you guys were intimate._

Running my hand through my hair in frustration for the umpteenth time tonight, I turned around and noticed for the first time that one of the bartenders in the bar that I was standing next to was looking at me. The short and sassy looking bartender was staring at me like...she felt sorry for me.

"Hey," she said, sliding a shot across the bar, landing it a few inches away from me. "That looked...rough."

"Yeah..." I stopped, not wanting to talk about it with a perfect stranger. Instead, I focused my attention on the shot in front of me. "I didn't order that," I said, nudging it back towards the bartender.

"Oh, I know." She smiled. "You look like you need it, though. Take it, hon; don't let it go to waste."

Without further prodding, I grabbed the alcohol and poured it into my mouth, swallowing quickly. I tried my best not to cough, but the potency of the shot caught me by surprise. "That was..."

"I know, right? Three wise men. Oh, and you are welcome."

I nodded in appreciation before tapping my hand on the bar. "Could I get another one of those?"

The bartender raised her eyebrow in question before turning and making me another shot.

"So, you are either a glutton for punishment, or you are really, really stupid," she said, sliding the now-refilled shot glass back toward me.

I took the shot and nodded my head, wincing as the alcohol hit my raw throat. "I'd say that I am a little bit of both, actually."

Grabbing the empty glass from me, she smirked at me and used her bar rag to wipe up the residual alcohol that had splashed onto the counter top. "She's looking at you, you know."

"What?"

"The girl. You know, the one that you practically dry humped in the corner there? She's sneaking looks at you. Kinda looks like she's really pissed off at you, yet she wants to rip your clothes off at the same time."

"That sounds about right, actually." I massaged my temple before bringing my hand back to grab my wallet out of my pants. "How much do I owe you here?"

"Oh no, sweetheart. I think that I owe _you _after giving me that show there." She tilted her head and smiled a little. "Damn, if I could get my girlfriend to show me that kind of passion that your girl just showed you..." She bit her lip playfully. "That was hot, let's just leave it at that."

My face burned, knowing that this person was basically objectifying Bella. If anyone knew how hot Bella was, it was me. And I didn't like having someone talking about her like she was some kind of...sexual exhibitionist or something.

I didn't answer the bartender as I grabbed a twenty out of my wallet, placed it on the bar, and walked back to the table that I was sharing with my mother.

Esme took one look at me and frowned. "I don't even want to know, Edward."

"Know about...?" I questioned, unsure if my mother caught me attacking Bella.

"Why you were talking with that less than savory looking bartender."

I pursed my lips for a moment. "You are off your rocker if you are implying that I would flirt with someone when I am obviously interested in Bella."

Esme ran her hands over her napkin before grabbing her wine glass and taking a sip from it. "Like I said, I don't want to know."

"Off your rocker. I knew it!" I joked. "Besides, she was clearly more interested in Bella than she was in me."

"Regardless, Edward," Esme threw back, pretending to swat at me.

"Aw, Ma. You know that's just the alcohol talking."

My mom licked her lips before motioning with her head back over in Bella's direction. "Yeah, it's the alcohol...and the fact that Bella is looking over here like she wants to rip your head off."

I chanced a quick glance over to Bella's table, and my mom was right...Bella still didn't look too happy with me.

_Maybe...maybe I shouldn't hold my breath on having her take me up on that dinner invitation any time soon._

"You didn't see what happened before I took a shot at the bar, did you?" I questioned, looking back at my mother.

I could seriously can feel Bella's angry gaze burning the entire side of my body that was facing away from her, as though she was shooting daggers with her eyes onto my face. It didn't take a genius to know that she was clearly still very upset with me. Not that I could really blame her. I mean, I did kiss her without her permission. That would make tonight's kiss the second one that I had forced on her_._

_Fuck._

"No, I was too busy trying to figure out this thing you all call 'text messaging' - I didn't even see you leave, baby. Marcus had texted me, asking me when I was going to be done with dinner, and I was trying to figure out how to reply to him. That was, until I looked up and realized that Bella was here, too. I noticed her just as she was making her way to her seat. I waved to her, and followed the direction that she was looking in - which was right at you, standing at the bar. What the hell, Edward? Is that why we are here...so you can stalk Bella?"

"Goddamnit, Esme! What the fuck is with everyone asking me if I am stalking Bella?" I cried in frustration, trying to keep my voice at a normal volume.

"Well, are you?"

"Abso-fucking-lutely not, Mom. I had no fucking idea that she was going to be here tonight when I asked you to come to dinner." I leaned across the table towards my mother. "Besides, if I were going to stalk her, don't you think that I would have started doing so a long ass time ago? And not wasted fourteen fucking years of my life?"

"Testy, testy. Calm yourself, son, you are in public." She took another drink of her wine. "I just had to make sure."

"Just like you had to ask me if I was gay one million times when I was a kid? Thanks, Mom. Glad to know that you think that you raised a stalking creep who has a problem coming out of the closet."

"I don't think that you are gay anymore, Edward. Your obvious interest in Bella has cleared that up for me once and for all."

I drummed my fingertips on the tabletop. "I'm not forgetting that you thought that anytime soon, Esme. So, when you question me again in five years, I can remind you once again that it is a non-issue."

Esme's smile slowly slid off her face. "You think that you and I will still be having this kind of conversation in five years? You don't see yourself in a committed relationship by then, honey?"

I reached for my water, suddenly desperate to wash the taste of the hard liquor out of my mouth. "What, giving up on the dream of me living with a dog all my life?"

Esme didn't look pleased with my answer, so I continued. "At this rate? Probably not."

"Why not?"

"I can't make someone care about me when they don't have interest in being around me for any extended period of time."

She shook her head. "You are reading too much into this, Edward."

"No, I'm not." I took a deep breath. "Look at her, Esme. She would rather spend time with the gay director of the movie than with me."

"That's not..." Esme started, putting her hand up.

"No," I interrupted. "That's exactly what is happening right now."

Esme started wringing her hands on top of the table. "Please, baby, don't give up on her just yet. Please - just give her some time. Your apology was a lot for her to process right away..." She trailed off.

I placed my elbows on top of the table and closed my eyes. Leaning forward a little more, I placed my head in my hands. "I'm not going to give up on her, I just...I can't win. Do you know what it feels like knowing that you can't win over the one thing that matters to you?"

"You made it impossible to win the game when you broke her heart fourteen years ago."

"_Fuck_, I know that. I feel like I am going to be paying penance forever on a mistake that I made when I was seventeen."

"Edward, Bella has spent almost half of her life thinking that you actually meant the insults that you threw at her. Considering that, you can understand where she is coming from, right? Obviously she isn't going to be chomping at the bit to talk to you when you decide to give her the time of day again."

I was silent for a moment, before Esme reached her hand across the table and squeezed my arm. "Didn't think of it that way, did you?" she asked.

"Goddamn it, mom, I am such a fucking fool."

She gave me a weak smile before releasing my arm. "You are a Cullen, a male Cullen to boot. No one can blame you, baby."

"That's not funny."

"I didn't say it to be funny." My mom squinted her eyes at me before pursing her lips. "You know that it's true, so stop avoiding it. Stop running from what you are, from what you did. Man up and own up to it, for God's sakes, and show Bella that you are the man that I raised. You may have apologized, but you need to show her that you are worth the trouble of starting over."

"Es, it's kind of hard to show her that I am worth the trouble when she ignores me all the time."

"Admittedly, yes, that will prove to be a bit difficult," my mom said, throwing me a smile. "But good thing for you, you have half of me in you, too, and that half is smart and determined. And charming...don't forget charming."

XXX

I woke up the next morning restless, having dreamed of Bella the entire night before. I rolled out of bed and quickly grabbed my phone, determined to do something right for once.

After some researching, I got what could be considered Bella's temporary address and ordered some flowers to be delivered to her.

I deliberated for quite a bit over what to write on the card, until I finally settled on a poem by an unknown author that seemed pretty perfect for the situation.

_"It is impossible to fall out of love. Love is such a powerful emotion, that once it envelops you it does not depart. True love is eternal. If you think that you were once in love, but fell out of it, then it wasn't love that you were in. There are no 'exit' signs in love, there is only an 'on' ramp."_

I followed the poem up with a simple "_I'm sorry, Bella. XXX,"_opting not to sign my name.

Feeling a small sense of accomplishment, I jumped into the shower and got ready for the day. Since I had no plans - other than make sure that my asshole of a dog didn't destroy my house - I took my sweet ass time doing absolutely nothing.

I daydreamed about Bella a lot that day. Because I was a complete glutton for punishment, I imagined what my life could have been had I not broken up with Bella in high school.

I imagined us living in a big city apartment - one part of it dedicated to a photo studio that Bella would have set up in our house. I imagined a room set aside for Jasper and Alice and their kids - because I would have never allowed Jasper to cut himself out of Bella's life the way that he had if I had been given the chance to stay with her forever.

All of the imagining that I did regarding the "could-have-been-house" revolved around Bella. In fact, I wouldn't have cared if I had a single space in the whole apartment; as long as I had Bella, nothing else would have mattered.

Weird, pathetic, and fromage-y be damned; it was the truth. If I had Bella...

...I wouldn't need anything else.

_I told Bella that my happiness hinged on her, didn't I? Well, it was the truth._

My phone ringing brought me back to the here and now. _The here and now where Bella hates that she knows me, the here and now where Bella wants nothing to do with me._

_I fucking _hate _the here and now._

Grinding my jaw in frustration, I answered the phone with a simple, "Yes?"

"Edward?" the feminine voice questioned.

"Yeah?"

"What are you doing tonight, Mr. Boss-man?"

I looked at the clock, surprised to find that it was already almost seven in the evening. "I have no plans, Gianna."

"You do now! I'll be over in a few, so get ready to open your door for me."

"Gia, I don't think..." I started out.

"...That it's a good idea to go out tonight? Bullshit, Edward. You are too tightly wound, and don't pretend like you don't know what I mean."

_What the fuck...?_

"I know what you are thinking, Edward. You don't pay me to be your assistant for God knows how many years and expect me to not take care of you when you are clearly wallowing over something, right?"

I laughed uneasily. "I guess..."

"Alright! Be there in a few, and for God's sakes, have some suitable clothes on before I get there."

I scrubbed a hand over my face before her words sunk in. "Suitable clothing for what kind of occasion, Gianna?"

"We are going clubbing tonight, my young, hot, and single boss!"

XXX

I didn't put up any resistance to Gianna dragging me out to the bar. In fact, I welcomed the distraction; there was only so much thinking of Bella that I could do during the day before I wanted to rip my hair out in desperation.

We arrived at the club and as I watched the hours tick by, I felt myself grow a little more comfortable with my surroundings. Sure, Gianna and I had never gone out to the bars like this before, so it was a little crazy trying to get comfortable around Gianna outside of work, and sure, she set me up with one of her single friends who was apparently "just my type" - but the alcohol was good, and it was going down easily. Basically, I had no real complaints, as long as I was able to keep Gianna's friend at arm's length, which I was able to do; no problem.

I was having a good night, enjoying the fact that I wasn't in the sole presence of my dog, until I spotted Bella and Irina dancing with each other on the dance floor.

I couldn't help the first thought that flew through my mind. _Holy fuck, those two have definitely been intimate with each other in the past._

That thought was quickly followed up with a very bitter _Are you fucking kidding me? I run into her AGAIN? When she is out with someone who is not me? AGAIN?_

_...Is this a joke? It has to be a joke. Bella and Irina dancing must be a figment of my imagination._

_A very perverted figment of my imagination, because holy shit, those girls are gonna kiss each other._

I watched as Irina nipped at Bella's throat, teasing her. _This is fucking bullshit! I can't believe they are doing this in public!_

_Especially after...after..._

_It hurts to even think about it._

Not able to control my emotions any longer, I propelled myself from my seat and started stalking towards Bella and Irina, who were being very touchy-feely while dancing with each other.

_Where is Irina's other hand? Is it...is it...is it...? Oh fuck, I think it's up her skirt._

I walked right up to Bella and put my hand roughly on her shoulder, drawing her attention to me immediately.

"Bella," I said, trying to get my voice under control. "What are the fucking odds?"

"Edward," she said, seeming surprised. "What are you doing here?" When she looked up into my eyes I could immediately tell that she was stoned.

"I could ask the same of you, Bella," I replied, trying to not act as petulant as I was feeling.

"Well, I'm dancing and you are here looking angry," she said with a grin.

"Dancing? You call that dancing? Fuck, Bella...look around. What you were doing with your _friend _Irina wasn't dancing."

"Oh? Then whatta ya call it? Hmmm?" She turned her back to me and resumed dancing … grinding her ass against me, Irina moving in to sandwich Bella between us.

"Fuuuuuck..." With Bella moving around in front of me, touching me exactly where I wanted her to touch me, I felt my resolve to not attack her disappear. "This isn't dancing, Bella," I growled out before attacking her neck with my lips.

_It's torture...and exactly what I want at the same time._

Bella groaned and tilted her head to the side. As I closed my eyes I could see Irina give me a cheeky grin, and then moments later it was her fingers under my lips and not Bella's neck …. fingers that tasted and smelled like...Bella.

"Mmmm..." I said, reveling in the essence of Bella that I hadn't had the pleasure of experiencing since I was in high school. "Beautiful...but." I stopped dancing and trailed my hands along Bella's arms. "I don't share," I whispered roughly in Bella's ear.

Bella laughed seductively as she arched her neck back toward me. "Who said anythin' 'bout sharin'?"

I took that as my cue and leaned forward, pressing Bella to me as I started to suck on her neck. "Are you trying to kill me?"

"No, I think you are tryin' to kill me... make me feel what I don't wanna."

"Do you think I want to feel like this? Do you think it's enjoyable being absolutely crazy about someone who doesn't want anything to do with me?" I moved my lips to suck on Bella's ear before I placed a kiss on the side of her neck. "But I don't have a choice - the soul wants what it wants. _I _want what I want."

_And my soul wants you to stop ignoring me and ditching me for your friend who clearly wants to fuck you silly right now._

Bella turned slowly to face me. "You make it all come back."

"I want it to come back...I wish it never," _kiss._ "Left," _kiss. _"In the first place." I felt my eyes start to drift closed in drunken contentment.

She stepped back, pushing Irina with her. "You'll break my heart. Again."

_No no no come back..._

My eyes snapped open. "No, Bella. I won't."

"It hurt," she said, moving further away.

"I'm sorry, Bella...I'll do my best to make the hurt go away," I replied, following Bella step for step as if bound to her.

She shook her head, turned, and stumbled away from me, using Irina for support.

"Stop running away from me, Goddamnit. This isn't solving anything!" I cried, compelled yet again to follow her.

"You ran, when you tore the stitches. Souls parted, universes divided ... "

"The stitches can be sewn up again, the universes don't need to be divided anymore. Don't you see that? I'm not running away from you, Bella - I am chasing after you. I'll never stop chasing you." I took a step closer and tried to reach out for Bella. She ducked out of my grasp, pulling away from me even farther.

"You will when you find something better."

"Come, my Bella," Irina said, pulling at Bella.

"I won't find better, ever. Why won't you listen to me? There is no one else, there will never be anyone else!"

"Leave my Bella alone tonight," Irina said, stepping in between Bella and me. The girls Bella and Irina must have come with tonight surrounded Bella. "She will give her heart when she is ready."

My eyes swept across the women in front of me. "I understand that you all feel the need to protect Bella...but why can't she speak for herself?" My gaze moved over as I looked Bella directly in the eyes, pleading with her. "Please, don't leave, Bella. Talk with me, don't avoid me forever."

"Not tonight.. Sha- Edward. Maybe tomorrow."

"Why not tonight? Why prolong this more? I know you enjoy torturing me, but fuck! Is it worth it?"

There was no answer as the women shuffled Bella out of the club.

I whipped my phone out and texted Gianna, telling her to use the company card that she still had to settle my bar tab before I followed Bella and her group of friends out the door.

Bella and a few of her friends decided to take a cab that was parked outside of the club. Luckily for me, there was an open cab right next to the one that they got into, so I was able to stealthily hop into a cab of my own.

Leaning forward to talk to the cab driver, I ran a hand nervously through my hair. "So, I know that this sounds really fucking cliche...but I need you to follow that cab right there."

"But sir..." the driver replied, looking skeptical.

"I know how it sounds, man. But, uhm...that's my girlfriend. We just got in a really big fight, and I have no idea where her and her friends are driving to. I can't let her leave like that, so...please. Just follow that car."

_Amazing how easily that lie came, huh? Maybe stalking Bella would be easier than I had originally thought..._

The driver silently nodded and pulled into traffic. Winding through traffic and bringing me somewhere I had never been before, Bella's taxi cab brought us to someone's house - one of the friends that she was with lived here, I was sure.

Tossing a wad of cash at the driver - I wasn't sure how much, but certainly enough to pay for my cab fare - I flew out the door, my eyes trained on Bella the second she stepped out of her own cab.

"Bella!" I yelled, running toward her. "Bella, wait!"

Irina stepped in front of me. "Leave her alone."

"Please, let me talk with Bella," I begged.

"Tomorrow," she said firmly.

"Please...please, don't do this. Talk to me now, Bella...please."

"Tomorrow, the Edward," Irina said as Bella and the other women disappeared into a large house.

I wanted to follow her, I wanted to bang the door to her friend's house down...but I couldn't.

_She doesn't want to see me. When the fuck am I going to learn my lesson?_

"Shit," I cried, slumping down onto the curb. Both taxis were long gone by now, so I was now all alone on a street that I was not even vaguely familiar with. Coupled with the fact that I had given the majority of the cash that I had to the cab driver who had driven me out to the middle of nowhere...I was completely fucked.

I grabbed my phone and called Gianna. She didn't ask any questions - I think that she was able to catch on to my morose mood - and she was able to find me a cab that took credit cards.

So with a heavy heart, I left Bella behind at her friend's house and walked to the nearest street corner and called myself a cab.

XXX

Another week went by. Another week where Bella played the avoiding game, another week where I moped around and threw myself into my work at the studio.

The "tomorrow" that Irina had promised me never seemed to come, and I couldn't stand it. Of course, immersing myself in work wasn't as effective as it used to be, because now I was busy with my studio responsibilities instead of throwing myself into the construction business. Somehow, crunching numbers and signing papers didn't let off as much steam as, say, using heavy machinery to reconstruct land or using a hammer to pound down framing nails.

Using work as a distraction wasn't working as well as it used to. In fact, going to the gym or running an hour and a half each morning wasn't working, either. Because I didn't have a proper outlet to channel my pent-up frustration, I was starting to get ornery.

Cranky.

...And downright fucking pissed at the world. I couldn't stop the bitter thoughts that were running on a loop through my head. There was no such thing as redemption when the person who you wanted to forgive you didn't even want to glance in your direction.

I knew that I didn't deserve a chance and I was disheartened, no matter how hard I tried not to be.

I knew that I had always said that I was not going to give up on Bella, and I still stood by that, I would stand by that forever. Though, when she finally decided to talk to me...I didn't know what shape I would be in by that time.

I picked up my phone and dialed Bella's number with newfound determination.

"Hello, Edward."

"Bella," I said coolly, unable to keep my frustration hidden.

"What can I do for you?" she asked. I could hear irritation color her tone.

"Is there anywhere that we can go to talk?" _Somewhere you won't run away from me?_

"Your office? At the studio?"

_Funny. She won't run from me while I am at my office at the studio? Where I have been all week anyways? Somehow I don't believe it._

"Fine by me. What time are you available? I know your schedule is quite _busy,_" I said, trying again to keep my voice calm but again failing.

"Tonight. We wrap up around eight o'clock. Does that work for you?"

"Will you be there at eight? Be in my office, at eight?"

"I can be at the studio by nine. Good enough?"

"You will be here by nine? Or will something more..._important _come up in the meantime?"

"No, Edward. I'll be there." There was a moment of silence. "You know, you can be very irritating."

She hung up.

I sat in my house, my mouth hanging open in shock.

_She hung up on me? You have got to be fucking kidding me!_

Frustrated beyond words, I grabbed the glass tumbler that I had just drained and threw it against the wall. I watched bitterly as the glass shattered and scattered around my office.

Of course, the sound alerted Mr. Pattinson, who came trotting into the room to see what the ruckus was. Before my stupid dog was able to walk into the glass that now littered the floor, I picked him up and walked us out of the room, shutting the door behind me.

_Fuck my life._

XXX

I arrived at my studio office at a quarter to eight, early but not too early for me to dwell on Bella's imminent arrival (or imminent dismissal of me...either one was possible at this moment). I dove right back into the work that I had been doing yesterday, knowing that I should be able to keep myself busy before Bella came to my office at nine.

_If she showed up at all,_I bitterly thought to myself.

Once I dug my head into my work, the time flew by. I tried not to look at the clock at all, but once nine o'clock came and went, I found myself beginning to get nervous.

_How long should I stay here and wait for Bella to show? She was supposed to be here at nine, but obviously she isn't going to be on time. For all I know, "9:00" could mean "Sometime next month."_

I internally debated the pros and cons of leaving at that moment.

_Fuck it. I'll stay an hour or so...and if she can't find the courtesy to call me if she is running later than that, then, well..._

_She should at least call me. I am, for all intents and purposes, her boss at the very least, so expecting a courtesy call isn't that lofty of an idea._

I chanced a glance at my clock again. _9:05. _

I paced around the office angrily, grinding my jaw together.

_9:08. Is this a joke? She is still trying to prove something to me, isn't she?_

I stopped pacing. _Maybe I will just busy myself with some more work. Yeah, that's it...I won't stop working until Bella shows up._

I sat at my desk and started sorting through papers again. Finally, after what seemed like hours later, I couldn't help myself as I looked at the clock again.

_9:13? You have got to be shitting me! I could have fucking swore that it was midnight at least._

"Fuck!" I exclaimed, throwing the drawer to my desk open, and started looking for a bottle of alcohol. Something, _anything, _would have sufficed.

_Rum. Brandy. Tequila. Vodka. Motherfucking cognac! I don't give a shit what it is, as long as it gives me something to think about other than _her_. Other than the fact that she is standing me up right now._

But of course, because I made a rule a long time ago to never drink on the job, I found nothing.

I heard my name followed by a knock on the door. I jumped at the noise and cleared my throat. "Come in," I croaked out.

Bella opened the door and stepped inside, closing the door behind her. "Sorry I'm late. We had some technical difficulties."

"Technical difficulties," I repeated. "Why didn't you let me know about them before? A warning text or something would have been nice." I willed my voice to be light...but it wasn't working. I was still frustrated at Bella's tardiness, and I was sure she could tell.

_She's here, man. Calm the fuck down._

"I'm here. So what do you want?" Her voice was full of irritation.

I narrowed my eyes at her. "What have I wanted the whole time, Isabella? I've wanted you to talk to me, be truthful with me. And now you are finally here, and, and..."

"Well, Edward, what is it you want to talk about?"

I started pacing, back and forth. "How is it that you don't know what I want to talk about?"

"Because I can't read your fucking mind, Edward! What is it? Me not inviting you out for dinner? My busy schedule? My friends you seem to hate? What?"

"I wanted to talk about the fact that you seem receptive to me one minute and the next you want nothing to do with me. How are we supposed to start over when you keep running away from me?" I yelled back, unable to stop myself from snapping at her again.

"Why would I want to have anything to do with you when you act like this? If I wanted to yell and scream I would have just stayed with Caius!"

"Stayed with Caius?" My jaw clenched together. "What the fuck does that mean?"

"It means he and I were fighting. That's why I was late."

"Why were you fighting, Isabella? Were you lying to me when you said that you weren't fucking him?" I stopped pacing and took a step closer to her. "Was he mad that you were coming here to talk to me?"

"He is mad that I was coming here. He doesn't think you are good enough for me."

"You don't think I know that I'm not good enough for you?" My hands balled up into tight fists and I ached to punch something.

"All this self-pitty, Edward? Really not attractive."

I shook my head, disregarding her comment. "So your friends don't want you here, _you_sure as fuck don't want to be here..." I trailed off, taking one more step closer and angling my head down to Bella's. "Why are you here now?"

"I don't know why I'm here, Edward!" she shouted. "They tell me you're no good for me, that you'll crush me again. And yet here I am. Because the universe whispers, because every time I fucking touch you or kiss you, it feels like home. I can't do this anymore!" she yelled at me.

"Can't do what, Bella? Why won't you listen to me instead of your friends? They don't know me. They know about the kid who was afraid of breaking you and the kid who didn't know what he had until he stupidly thought he had to give it up, but they don't know the man who would do anything for you. I'm here, Bella, standing in front of you. Just...stop trying to protect yourself from something that you don't need protection from."

She stepped forward. "How am I supposed to fucking know I don't need to be protected? You destroyed me the last time when you said you wouldn't! How do I know you won't destroy me again? Pretty words, Edward. That's all they are."

"What can I do to show you that what I am saying isn't just pretty words? Jesus Christ, Bella!"

"I don't know!"

"You have to give me something here, Bella; this can't be one-sided. I mean, I try to talk to you, you push me away." I reached out for Bella, pressing myself against her. "I kiss you, and amazing as it always is, you fucking push me away. Every Goddamn time."

"Because you make me feel amazing." She reached up and pulled my head down to hers, her lips pressed against mine. I roughly kissed her back. "And scared." I almost lost her voice between kisses, her tongue sweeping into my mouth, mating with mine.

I was still so angry, I returned her kiss passionately, leaning down against her, wrapping my arms around her waist as I pushed her backward toward the desk. When we weren't moving fast enough, I picked her up and, never once breaking the kiss, carried her to the desk and sat her down upon it.

Her passion was energizing but did nothing to help my temper. I moved between her legs, grabbed her hips and pulled her against my throbbing cock. She whimpered in my mouth as I leaned her back, swiping everything off the desk.

"There is no more running away now, Bella." My voice was a low rumble in her ear.

I stood between her legs and stared down into her passion-darkened eyes. My fingers found their way to the edges of her tailored shirt and I ripped it open, buttons scattering. Her breasts were encased in black lace, her nipples hard and trying to poke through. I leaned down and took a hard peak into my mouth as my fingers danced over the crotch of her pants.

Her fingers dug into my scalp, pulling at my hair as she pulled my head closer. "No running," she whispered and then cried out as I bit her nipple through the lace.

I kissed my way over to her other breast while my fingers made quick work of opening her jeans. I stepped back and yanked the material over her ass and hips and then dropped to my knees, pulling her pussy toward my face.

I wanted to hear her scream, to be breathless, to finally surrender to me. I wanted her to stop being afraid. Each time I forced her legs farther apart, brought her closer, teased her clit with my tongue only to suck the sensitive tissue between my teeth, she cried out, calling my name.

_Calling my name_.

She came with a scream.

But there was no reprieve.

In seconds I had my pants down and my cock in hand. I stared into her eyes as I teased her sensitive clit with the head of my cock. Without warning I buried myself inside her. Her body arched off the desk with a groan.

"Edward!"

I pushed her torso down and grabbed her hips, pulling her, pushing her, fucking her.

"Mine," I grunted.

I could already feel my balls tighten, threatening release … but I didn't care; her hot, wet pussy was driving me crazy. I pulled her body up, wrapped my arms around her, and came deep inside her.

We both panted, struggling to catch our breath. Before I was able to sensor what I was saying, my mouth opened up and I uttered the words I had been dying to say since Bella walked into my life again.

"I love you, Bella. I always have."

* * *

**E/N:**

**So, whaddya think? Paige and Michelle have a feeling that you guys might have liked the last scene - it was one of the original scenes that Paige thought of when she was first brainstorming for LFBF. It feels AWESOME to finally get that out there! **

**Remember, we only have two more chapters left of this bad boy…so tell us what you thought about the chapter! Reviewers always get a teaser for the next chapter (as long as Michelle doesn't suck at life and forget about it, which sadly sometimes happens after the first batch of reviews trickle through. Every review is CHERISHED though, and all of you who have left one are the best).**

**We have the best readers ever – leave us some love! (Please? PUHHHHLEASEEEE?)**


	33. Right In Front Of My Face

**A/N:**

**Where to start? Oh yeah – SORRY FOR TAKING A BAZILLION MONTHS TO FINISH THIS CHAPTER. Does that work?**

**Since we last saw you, Paige was busy with work and life in general, while Michelle got married, celebrated her babe's 1****st**** birthday, and moved into a new house. How time flies by!**

**If you are reading this, please know that we appreciate you sticking with the story. There isn't much left, so please trust us and don't flounce us yet (or ever … just saying ;)).**

**Hmmmm… where did we leave off? Oh yeah, that's right. Bella agreed to go on a date with Edward after listening to his pathetic self apologize to her for what happened in high school for the millionth time. And obviously more happened, but that's the general gist of it all.**

**Wonder what's gonna happen on that date? Let's find out!**

**PS Regina owns me. Seriously. If it wasn't for her, this wouldn't be published. (I'm not kidding - FF hates me. She assisted me so I'm able to bring this all to you guys today!)**

* * *

**Bella POV**  
Smoke swirled in the safety of reflection, creating a barrier between thought and the universe. One simple movement could poke a hole in the sweet, pot-smelling sanctuary, but that would let the universe rush in and I wasn't quite ready for that, not right now, not while I was riding the high.

Seeing Edward after all these years, I had promised myself that I would be strong. And I was, for a time. But then I let him complicate my fantasies, and then I let him complicate my reality. And now he complicated my soul. This isn't what I wanted. Or was it? I spent so much time creating walls and surrounding myself with larger than life personalities so that new hurt couldn't seep in and old hurt couldn't seep out. Hurt was the mortar between the bricks, and it was strong, except when it came to him. He seemed to know how to chip it away. I hated him for that. I hated myself for that.

All those years ago, I was determined to never again let a man make me feel as worthless as Edward had. I would never again feel that crushing blow. It worked for a long time. I never let anyone that close, I never felt heartache or disappointment. But here, now, was the spark of my determination on his knees before me, laying his soul bare, humbly begging my forgiveness.

With my eyes closed I could still feel him between my legs, his hands on my body, breathing in his unique scent, hearing the words he whispered …. "_I love you, Bella. I always have._" My body responded to every string he pulled; it remembered, my soul remembered. And even though the storming of the walls began in anger, there was a transformation, and a thread of desperation. It was souls fighting to come back together, to mend the jagged pieces, to become whole again. Happiness was knocking at the door, and I had no idea what to do with it.

I hadn't known what to say after the sex. Every time he touched me, I felt … There were no thoughts, just the feeling that everything was perfect, but now my brain was at odds with my heart, my body was vibrating and my soul was rejoicing. We had kissed and promised to talk in the morning. Leaving Edward was hard, but at the same time I couldn't get out of that office fast enough. He took everything and turned it upside down.

I opened my eyes to the hazy, smoke-filled emptiness of the trailer and knew that I would need to make a decision, take the road to the left or the path to the right. The universe brought many things, but it also demanded - there was no passivity - the lived life had to be lived. I closed my eyes tight and took a deep breath. For the first time in many years, I wished for the one person who truly understood my soul.

"Momma," I whispered into the darkness, "I've made such a mess of things... I've tried to hate him, but, but … I still love him."

I could feel the tears fall as I spilled my heart to the universe.

**Edward POV **

I woke up Saturday morning feeling the best that I had ever felt...ever. The birth of my nieces and nephew, which had previously been the best days of my life, didn't hold a candle to the moments that I had shared with Bella last night.

_Holy shit - it's like having sex with Bella yesterday turned me into some kind of emotional sap or something. Or maybe it wasn't the act of having sex at all. Maybe it was the fact that I finally told Bella that, after all of these years, I've always loved her._

That probably had a bit more to do with my good mood than just blowing my load. Most likely. Probably. I don't think that it had anything to do with the angry sex. Because angry sex is, by definition, angry.

Sure, we had angry sex. And yeah, it wasn't ideal in any way. But that didn't matter...what we had last night, angry or not, was perfect regardless. Let's face it - it's not like we are (or ever were, for that matter) the sappy "let me make sure to have candles lit while making love" kind of couple, anyways. Sex on top of my desk at work was more our style.

_Like fellacio in the photo lab. Or almost-sex in a car. Or angry sex in the house of our small town's police chief. _

All that mattered to me was that we were a couple of some sort - I would take whatever Bella was willing to give me.

While I knew that I needed to keep my cool today, the needy and scared part of me was anxious to talk to her. Once I got Bella on the phone, I had planned to ask her to go on a "date" with me tonight, and I wasn't sure how to approach that without being shot down immediately. "High school" Bella would go on a date with me, no questions asked. "Professional, 'Edward Cullen broke my heart'" Bella would flat out refuse to go out anywhere with me without putting up a fight first. Which Bella would I be talking to today? Would it be a combination of the two? Or will it be a battle to get her to open up to me again?

I decided that while I could hope for the best, I needed to plan for the worst. So, trying to put my fears aside, I started planning the kind of date that I wanted to take Bella on, even if she refused to go on a date with me anyways.

Having some plans put together, I manned up and called Bella. The phone rang once before it was picked up.

"Hi, Edward." I could hear the sound of her moving around. "How are you?"

I closed my eyes in contentment, happy beyond words that she answered my phone call. _This is a good sign, right?_"I'm perfect. How are you doing? Did I get you at a bad time?"

"Relaxed." I could hear the smile in her voice. "No, this is a good time. We are taking a break."

"Taking a break?" I smiled, knowing that not only was Bella talking to me, but she seemed to be happy to be doing so.

"Filming. Caius wants to check some scenes that were already shot."

"Oh, uhm...do you need me to, uh, let you go or something?" I said, quickly shaking my head. "Or would you rather call me back?"

"No, no. I'm good. I have some time."

"Do you have any free time later on tonight, by any chance?"

"We're set to finish tonight around eight o'clock. I'm free after that. Did you have something in mind?"

Eight was kind of late, but I could make the date that I was planning fit around her schedule. I smiled to myself like the crazy person I was, happy beyond words that I was actually talking to Bella.

"Yeah, I kind of did. Would you be up for going out with me? Nothing related to the film, but on a date?"

"A real date?" She sounded a little wary.

"Yeah, a real date." I paused, holding my breath. "Unless...unless you didn't want that."

"I think we can try a real date. Always a first time for everything."

I was so happy that I felt like my heart was going to explode out of my chest. "Yeah? I guess we never went on a date before, huh? God, I was such an idiot as a kid..." I paused, smacking myself on the forehead. _Gotta stop dwelling on the past if this is gonna go anywhere, dumbass._

I cleared my throat before continuing. "Where did you want me to pick you up?"

"I'm going to be at the Red Lion on 5th. Did you want to meet me in the lobby?"

"That sounds perfect. Should I be there at eight, or should I plan for a little later?"

"How 'bout nine?"

"Nine is fine. Just...don't eat dinner, okay?"

"A'ight. No eating. So I'll see you at nine?"

"Nine," I said, not able to hide the smile from my voice.

"Gotta go, break is over... I'm really looking forward to tonight. Bye, Edward." She hung up.

I felt more excited about this date tonight than I had ever felt for anything in my life. Throwing my phone down on my bed, I rushed to the bathroom to jump in the shower.

I had a lot of stuff I had to get done before my date. _Date. _The word felt wrong as I let it bounce around my head. I had never been the kind of guy to "date."

_You never dated because you didn't see the point in dating another woman, because no one else was Bella. But a date with Bella? _The _Bella, the woman you have been in love with for fourteen years? I can't think of anything that I would rather do._

XXX

I was waiting in the lobby of the Red Lion at five minutes to nine, nervous as all hell. I had grabbed my phone out of my pocket and scrolled through some pictures of Emmett's kids in an attempt to channel the nervous energy that was making my palms sweat.

A smile stretched my face when Bella showed up, promptly at nine. She was wearing knee-high boots and a filmy, earthy dress. I couldn't help the excitement that warmed my body..._this is the hippie Bella that I remember._

"Hey, Edward," she said with a smile. She stepped close and gave me a soft, sweet kiss. "I have to admit that I'm a little nervous," she continued with a bit of a laugh.

_Bella's nervous? Oh my fuck, this woman is beyond perfect. It's like we are on the same page right now. Or maybe she's just saying that because she saw me nervously wipe my palms on my jeans and knew that I was nervous myself? Nah...she looks genuinely nervous herself._

I smirked before grabbing her hand, trying to play cool and ease her nerves at the same time. "Nervous? Why are you nervous?"

"We're going on a real date." She paused. "I really want to have this work."

"I know. I really want to have this work, too." I bent in and gave her a quick kiss on the cheek. "Come on, we have a schedule to stick to." I squeezed her hand and lead her to the door, opening it and pulling us outside.

"A schedule? Do I get a hint?"

"It's nothing big, Bella. I just...I wanted to do something special for you."

"Thank you," she said with a smile.

"Good." I smiled. We walked until we reached my truck, and I let go of her hand before opening the passenger door for her. "Hop in."

"Where are we going for dinner?" she asked, getting into the truck.

I closed the door behind Bella and walked around to the driver's side and slid in. I chanced a look at her before slipping the key into the ignition. "I was actually thinking that I'd make dinner for you. If that's okay. Otherwise, I made reservations at a restaurant downtown, if you'd rather that we be in a public place instead of my house."

"You cook?" Her brow arched in surprise.

"Yeah, I do. Not very well, though. I'm not used to cooking for someone other than myself. Thought it'd be worth a try, unless you'd rather have me leave it up to a professional? I've never really cooked for anyone before, and even Esme is scared when I offer to cook, so the restaurant suggestion is always on the table."

"No, no. I need to see this … Chef Edward," she said with a cheeky grin.

"Yeah, I'm sure to be a failure. But if I suck at it, I thought I'd give you this first." I tossed a bag of gummy worms on her lap. "Figured you still liked them...I mean, I...I hope you do? I haven't seen you eat any in a really long time, so I wasn't sure..."

"You remembered!" She opened the bag and popped a worm between her lips.

"Of course I remembered, Bella." I drummed my fingers on the wheel, trying to concentrate on the road when all I wanted to do was grab Bella's hand again.

"You'll be happy to know that my nutritional requirements have expanded past my original food group choices. I really was a bit of a crazy kid."

"You weren't a crazy kid, you just knew what you wanted." I concentrated on the road for a bit before stopping the car at a traffic light and sneaking a look at Bella. "Besides, I figured that your food tastes have changed a little bit. I mean, the night that we had you over for dinner at Emmett's, we weren't exactly serving orange pasta with cheese sauce. And yet, you ate the food all the same."

"So what's on the menu for tonight?" As if on cue her stomach growled and she grinned.

I smiled. "Orange pasta and cheese sauce." I couldn't contain the laughter that bubbled up. "And wine. You know, the good kind...the kind that goes well with cheese sauce."

Bella laughed. "Only you, Edward … only you."

"I hope that's a good thing."

"It's a good thing."

"Great. Well, you know, I didn't want to push my luck on anything. It shouldn't be too hard boiling water and not burning the house down." I cleared my throat. "I'd love to make you a real, gourmet meal, but I'm afraid you'd distract me too much to actually have it turn out successfully."

"I distract you?"

"With you in my presence, there is nothing else that I can focus on." I shook my head. "Good God, that was cheesy."

"Going to use some of that fromage in the sauce?" she teased.

I smiled again. "I'll make my own sauce, but I'll leave out the cheesy words that I always seem to spout out when I'm around you."

I made the last few turns to get to my house and pulled into the driveway. I got out of the vehicle and ran over to Bella's door to open it for her before she had a chance to open it herself. "This is it," I said, holding my hand out for her to hold.

"Your home looks beautiful," she said, taking my hand and sliding out of the truck.

"I'm glad you like it." I lead us through the front door and gestured for her to step inside. We were immediately assaulted with Mr. Pattinson's loud barks, which sounded like they were coming from my bedroom. _That little fucker knows he's not supposed to be in my bedroom. Oh well, serves me right for not shutting the door in my hurry to leave the house._"Don't worry about the barking; it's my dog, Mr. Pattinson. He's completely harmless, and to be honest, really fucking lazy, so don't be offended if he doesn't pay us any attention."

"No worries. I'm okay with animals."

I ran my free hand through my hair. "Of course you're okay with animals," I said under my breath.

"So, do I get a tour?"

"You want a tour?"

"Only if that's okay with you. I don't want to pry into anything private."

"No secrets this time, Bella. I'm not going to hide anything from you, okay? So if you wanna see the house, that's fine. Though...uhm...I didn't get rid of the picture that you asked me to get rid of, so..."

She didn't say anything, but indicated with her hands that I should start.

"Right, uhm, so..." I started leading her through my house, making sure to stop in every room so Bella was able to take a look.

_But it's so much more than just the place that I live...it's the place that I built with my own hands, the place that was my refuge before Bella came back into my life..._

"Everything is beautiful. Did you have someone come in to do the decorating? The design work?"

"I basically did everything myself. And if I ever needed a second opinion, Esme was always there to offer me advice - whether I wanted it or not."

"You did all this yourself?" she asked, her brows raising in surprise.

"I had a lot of free time on my hands after high school, Bella."

"You're very gifted," she said, surveying the living room.

"_I'm _gifted? This is nothing compared to what you do." I looked around the room. "I mean, it's simple if you think about it. Do what you need to do, or the walls will fall down, you know? Very cut and dry, black and white, creative boundaries everywhere you look. You, Bella. You are the gifted one."

"You create, I just capture images of the created. It's you who holds a part of the universe in your hands."

"I don't hold anything, Bella. These walls were resurrected by a man who lived to work, not the other way around. If anything, this place is suffocating..."

"You created a home, Edward. Not many could say that. Take pride in it."

"I created a house. You know there's a difference." I let out a long sigh. "And I do take pride in it. I mean, if my company hadn't been successful, I wouldn't have had the money to buy into the studio, and...I wouldn't have seen you after the fundraiser. This, right now? This wouldn't be happening."

"So … be happy. You have too much self-pity."

"I _am_happy." I wrapped my arm around Bella's waist and led her into the kitchen so I could start preparing dinner. "And I can't remember the last time I said that and actually meant it. But I do mean it; I'm happy." I leaned in and kissed her temple. "So fucking happy."

"Are you really though, Edward? If I hadn't come around, could you say that you were happy?"

"What would have there been to be happy about, Bella?"

"Your happiness can't stem from me, Edward. It has to come from within."

"It couldn't come from within. Not when I knew that I did what I did to my other half. Can you imagine living with that, Bella?"

She didn't say anything for a long time. "You could have moved on."

"That was never an option for me." I frowned, my brow creasing. "Sounds stupid, right? Fell in love with someone in high school and couldn't move on? But no one compared...I didn't even look because I knew that there was no way that I would settle for anything less..."

"That's a lot to hold onto."

"I learned to live with it. I didn't really know what I was missing until I saw you at the benefit. And then at the studio? Fuck, I thought I was going to die when I saw you again."

"You're so dramatic, Edward," she said, raising her right brow and shaking her head with a bit of a soft laugh.

"I've always been dramatic. You know this."

She laughed. "I do know this."

I motioned for her to sit down at one of the chairs at the kitchen island and walked over to the fridge to grab the ingredients for dinner. "Can I get you something to drink?"

"Just some water, for now. That'd be great, thanks."

I grabbed a bottled water out of the fridge and placed it on the countertop in front of Bella. "No orange soda?"

"It makes me extra burpy." She grinned as she opened the bottle and took a sip.

"Right," I laughed. I grabbed the ingredients for the cheese sauce and started mixing them together before starting a pot of water to boil for the noodles. "Can I get anything else for you before dinner is finished? I have some Cheetos and gummy bears and something else that was gummy, I think? I wanted to play it safe tonight and make sure that there was an extraordinary amount of food that I knew you liked when you were seventeen..."

"I'm fine, Chef. Cook away. Besides, I'm not seventeen anymore."

"I know you aren't," I smiled sadly. "So, we've established that your taste in food is different. What else is different, Bella? Anything you want to share?"

"Mmmmmmm... food has changed, still smoke pot on occasion, work like a dog. I don't know what else there is to say."

I stirred the pot with the sauce in it. "Why are you unattached, Bella? The truth?"

"I never found someone I wanted to hold onto. I didn't want to be hurt again."

I opened my mouth to apologize to Bella for the millionth time, but was interrupted when Mr. Pattinson decided to grace us with his presence, his dog tags jingling and causing me to lose my train of thought. Instead of ignoring Bella like I thought he would, he ran right up to her and rubbed against her leg before rolling to his back, exposing his belly.

"Of course, Mr. Pattinson, the dog that doesn't even really like _me,_adores Bella." I said to myself.

She leaned down to scratch the dog's belly. "I told you I was good with animals."

Mr. Pattinson let out a loud groan before stretching and proudly displaying his balls. "A little too good with animals, perhaps?" I joked.

"Animals are easy. They just want affection. They don't make demands or play games."

I let out a low chuckle. "Mr. Pattinson most definitely makes demands and plays games. And if he doesn't get his way, he pisses all over the house. He's actually quite an asshole, if I do say so myself. Though, can't really blame him, he does live with me..." I felt the corner of my mouth turn up into a small smile as I tried to keep the mood light, regardless of the heavy things that we were talking about.

"You know what I mean, Edward," she said, rolling her eyes. "Animals are simple."

"Simple, yes. Feed them, give them water, rub their tummy, and give them a treat every now and then, and they are happy. It's the simplicity in having a dog, along with his undying devotion, that has allowed our relationship to stay strong through the years." I returned to the pot and stirred it again. "Ehhh...I'm laying it on thick now, aren't I?"

"Just a little," she said with a smile.

"Old habits die hard," I replied with a smirk of my own. "Are you going to want anything else to go with dinner? I think I have some bread."

"Nope! This looks great, Edward. Almost ready? I'm starving," she said, smiling.

"Just about done," I replied as I stirred the pasta and the cheese sauce together. "If you want to sit at the table, I can serve you." I motioned for Bella to take a seat in the dining room as I followed behind with our meal.

"You know, it's surreal to see you sitting at my dining room table," I said, taking a bite of my food.

"Why? Because you never thought we would make it this far?"

"After we broke up in high school, I promised myself that I would leave you alone so you could succeed without me poisoning your life. I'm so glad that I broke that promise."

"I never thought I would say the words, but I'm glad you did, too."

_Can I grab her hand right now? No, that would be too...lame. I just want to kiss her. I want to kiss her so hard that she sees stars._

Deciding that was a good idea, I got up and walked over to where she was seated. Gently grabbing her face in my hands, I bent down and lightly kissed her.

Moaning a little, Bella slipped her tongue into my mouth, which spurred me to deepen our kiss.

Kissing Bella meant everything to me - all of the pent up emotions that I felt bubbled to the surface as soon as my tongue caressed hers. It was too much for me, far too much to handle at my dining room table. I lifted Bella to her feet before picking her up and carrying her to the living room, intent on finding a better, more comfortable position.

_So lucky. I am so fucking lucky._

XXX

Bella and I spent the rest of the night talking, kissing and touching. For the first time in my life, I felt like I could _breathe _again. I didn't have a sinking feeling in my stomach, a heavy heart, or a weight sitting on my chest. I just...

I was happy. For the first time that I could remember, I was truly happy.

As I drove Bella back to the Red Lion, I felt incredibly reluctant to let her leave. I wanted to ask her to stay with me, to have her lie with me in bed, but I knew that it was too soon to do something like that. I didn't want to set Bella on edge or make her think that I needed her at my place for reasons other than her company. As I watched her walk away, I felt something tug in my chest.

Yeah, I was man enough to admit that my heart was walking away from me and that, as long as Bella was away, my heart would be with her.

_The first step is admitting that there is a problem. The second step is doing something about it._

XXX

We - my family and Bella - had decided to meet at 1pm the next day in the park a couple of miles away from my house. Fortunately for us, the weather was pretty fair - no rain, no wind, some cloud coverage. From what I know about photography, outdoor portraits work best when there were some clouds in the sky, so we lucked out in that aspect.

I arrived a little early, with the hunch that Bella would be early herself. I smiled as I spotted her walking around the park, most likely scouting out the areas that would work best for the photographs that she would be taking.

I watched her work a little bit before I couldn't help but walk up to her. I had to touch her somehow before the watchful eyes on my family were upon us, so I strode up to her and pulled her into my arms, placing a quick kiss on her lips.

"Mmm... hi, Edward," she said, smiling softly at me.

"Hi, Bella. I tried not to interrupt you, but I've wanted to kiss you since I got here, and I couldn't hold back anymore. Hope I didn't piss off your creative faeries."

"No worries. Creative faeries are hard to piss off," she said with a laugh before stepping out of the circle of my arms. Bella bent down to remove props from a box then looked up at me. "I'm looking forward to this, Edward."

"I am, too. More than you know." _More than my masculinity would care for you to understand. _"What's our timeline going to look like? Do you have any plans...after, perhaps?"

"I figure we'd spend a good part of the afternoon here, and then I have a dinner date with Caius. Looks like we may finish shooting early."

"Dinner with Caius? Oh, okay. Any chance that would finish up early?" I was grasping at straws here, but I had to try, right?

"I don't think it will. Caius is rather long-winded."

"Oh, okay," I replied, trying to keep the disappointment out of my voice. "Guess we will have to make the best of our time before your dinner date, huh?" I finished up with a smile.

"It will be a good afternoon," she said with a smile. "I think that's the rest of your family coming now."

I knew it was selfish of me to want a few more moments alone with Bella, but it wasn't going to be a possibility today. Bella was right, the rest of my family had shown up, and they were dressed impeccably and ready for Bella to take pictures of us all.

"Where do you want us, Bella?" my mom asked after she greeted us with a couple hugs.

"I don't want you anywhere really. I just want everyone to do what they normally would do at the park. I brought a few things - some rackets, a beach ball, things for a picnic. Just relax, have a good time and pretend I'm not here."

Pretend she's not there? All I could do as I watched her around my family, taking what could only be described as some amazing candid shots, was focus on her.

I didn't think that she appreciated my attention being directed towards her, but I couldn't help it. I just...couldn't look away. She finally gave me a look that said, "do what I say, or else," and I forced myself to tear my gaze from her, instead focusing on my nieces and nephews.

_I have a truly amazing family._

My mom made her way over to where I was sitting and sat right across from me.

"This was a great idea, Edward."

"Yeah, it really was, wasn't it?"

She smiled and turned her attention to Emmett, who was now using the beach ball to play catch with his son. "You know," she said, looking over to me, "through all of the heartbreak and bullshit that this family as gone through, I still think we are the luckiest family ever."

I looked at the ground, so tempted to look over to Bella but so determined not to. "I agree."

We both continued to look at our family until Chelsea rushed up to my side, holding out a racket. "Uncle E, play with me...please?"

Of course there was no way I could say no to her, so I grabbed the racket and tossed a ball between us to hit.

Chelsea, being a Cullen, was amazingly talented at sports. She kept me working, and it wasn't until I heard the snapping of Bella's camera that I remembered that other people were around us.

Carmen walked over to me and tapped me on the shoulder. "Mind if I play with Chelsea for a little bit? She kicked my butt earlier, and I wanted to prove to her that I'm just as good as she is."

I chuckled at the sibling rivalry, but handed over my racket regardless. "Of course."

I sat down in the grass, a few feet away from where the girls were playing. It was funny watching Chelsea and Carmen battle it out...the two of them reminded me of Emmett and me so much, it was scary.

Felix ran over to me and crashed into the grass next to me. "Uncle E, why is Miss Bella taking pictures of us?"

I looked at Bella and smiled. "Because she wanted to get a couple family portraits for us."

"Oh," he replied. He looked at Bella for a moment before turning back to me. "But why isn't she in the pictures with us?"

"What do you mean, Felix?"

"Well, I mean, you love her, right? Then she's family. So she should be in the family pictures with us."

I tousled Felix's hair. "I like the way you think, buddy. Maybe next time?"

I was pretty sure that Bella would freak out if I asked her to jump in and take some pictures of herself with us all, regardless of how much I agreed with my nephew.

"Yes. Next time for sure!"

My family and I continued playing and talking until my mom took out some food that she had packed for the afternoon. She summoned us to a nearby picnic table and pulled out just about every kind of picnic food one could imagine from a basket.

As I sat on the picnic table bench, I reflected on everything that had happened to my life up to this point. It was a journey, to say the least, and as rough and bumpy the ride was, I was glad that it had gotten me to this point.

This was where I was supposed to be. The only difference between this life and the one that I should have had with Bella was that Bella shouldn't be roaming around right now, taking pictures of us. Felix was right...she should have been in the pictures with us, too. She should be family.

With that thought on my mind, the rest of the afternoon flew by, and before I knew it, Bella was packing up her camera gear.

I walked over to where she was. "Thanks again for coming today. It...meant everything to us."

"It was fun. I really should be thanking your family."

"That's silly. Why would you want to thank us?"

"It was nice to see a family be a family, if that makes any sense."

_You should have been a part of this family. _"Yeah, I guess that makes sense."

"I'll process these photos and get them to you by next week. Is that okay?"

"Uh, yeah," I said, rubbing the back of my neck. "What are you doing before then? Like, other than your dinner date with Caius tonight?"

"I really don't know. I'll have a better idea of my schedule after talking to Caius tonight. Did you have something in mind?"

"Not really," I admitted. "I just want to see you as much as I can. I don't care how pathetic that sounds, either."

Bella laughed softly and then smiled. "I'll see what I can do. Thanks again, Edward."

"You don't have to leave right now, do you?"

"I need to get back and get ready. Caius has chosen some pompous restaurant that likely has some stupid dress code."

My heart dropped. "Oh, okay."

"I should get going. I'll give you a call."

"Sounds good." I tried to tell myself that she must have really needed to go. Sadly, the insecure idiot that I had been for the last decade tried to tell me otherwise. I smiled at Bella, but I was pretty sure that it looked more like a grimace.

**Bella POV**

It took a few days before I could upload and spend time with the photos from the Cullen Family shoot. This was partly due to Caius and his schedule, but partly because I wasn't sure I was prepared to see the moments I had captured. I never really thought of myself as a coward, but I had mixed emotions at the thought of poring through those moments, the moments of a family that obviously loved each other. I wasn't sure if it was because I hadn't experienced that specific sort of closeness in a long time and convinced myself I didn't need it … or maybe because it was something I really wanted for myself.

I sorted the pictures without looking at the content: good shots, shots that needed some retouching and those that were immediately trashed. I wanted to remain objective, professional, but I found myself grinning like an idiot as I scrolled through shots of Emmett playing with the kids, the kids playing with each other, Emmett and Esme …. and Edward.

When Edward didn't know that the camera was watching, his features were a perfect study of calm, of confidence, of admiration and of love: the way his eyes shone and his lips quirked into a smile when he tossed his nephew in the air, the smirk he gave Emmett when he stole the ball, the gentle expression when he spoke with Esme, and the charming grace he showed his nieces. And when he did know the camera was watching, the seductive spark in his eye drew me in. This was Edward.

I sat back and stared at the monitor. Somehow, somewhere, at some point, Edward had become a man. In my thoughts he had always been a mix of my notion of him as an adult and the kid from the cafeteria - truthfully more kid than adult. And although he had changed physically, I never truly allowed him to grow up. Now, as I looked at him captured on my screen, I could clearly see the change - the years of experience, the son, the brother, the uncle, the lover. I could see the man that Edward had become.

In that instant, my idea of Edward was shattered and the reality was staring at me with deep, green eyes.

In that instant the universe spoke, and my soul knew where to find home.

* * *

**E/N: Only one chapter left (we may split it into two chapters, depending on the flow). Leave us some love and get a teaser of sorts.**

**THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR STILL READING. You guys are the best. Seriously. Best. Ever.**


	34. Little Fish in a Big Pond

**A/N: Welcome to the chapter that was seven months in the making! Paige Parkker is still in charge of BPOV, Michelle M Marie is still in charge of EPOV.**

**We'd come up with many, MANY reasons why this took so long, but I doubt any of them would even matter, right? The good news is that the chapter is HERE! YESSS! The even better news? This is only part one of the two-part final chapter. So expect the second part (and final chapter) of this story sometime this next week. :)**

**Huge thank yous to our beta goddesses, SqueakyZorro and TRDancer. These women were able to polish this chapter up well enough for you all to see, and for that, we are eternally grateful.**

**Michelle wants to also thank Detochkina for being the best. Ever.**

**Enough stalling, right? I'll save the last rambling A/N for the last chapter. So, that being said, ON WITH THE SHOW!**

* * *

**Bella POV**

I had known for nine days, but I didn't have the words or the right space.

Since the family photo shoot, everything had been different. I allowed my soul to find its partner once more, and the jagged pieces lined up and magically stitched back together. It was like watching a wilted flower come back to life after the rain. There were shared moments of laughter, silliness, misunderstandings, arguments, and silent wonder as Edward and I connected and reconnected on so many different levels. They were small steps, but we worked on letting our battered baggage go and focused on the present.

We spent most of our free time together - playing cards, listening to music, walking through beautiful parks, romantic dinners, picnics on the floor, talking about everything under the sun and moon, including a hurtful past, a stronger present, and the whispery beginnings of a future. Being apart made my heart hurt, and I counted the minutes until I could see his crooked smile and insightful eyes once more.

I felt complete.

Tonight was movie night, the theme being "favorites". Each of us chose a movie that we loved. Donnie Darko was my choice, but I wasn't really watching as I lay in his arms, his strong body behind mine.

"I'm going home." As soon as I said the words, I winced. It didn't sound right, but I knew that whatever words I chose, it would never sound right. Nor would it make my heart not ache.

"Home? What do you mean by that?"

"Filming wrapped. I'm … I'm going back to L.A."

His arms stopped cocooning me, and I felt him withdraw. "I … what are you talking about?"

"We're finished shooting. I have to go home eventually. As much as I love my trailer digs, I've gotta place of my own, work, friends..." I had a life, or what I thought was a life, back in L.A.

"No, you don't have to go home eventually, Bella! Christ, I thought …"

"That I would live in a trailer or a hotel?" There was a long period of silence. I could barely breathe. I didn't want to leave, but I couldn't stay. Simple heartache. "I don't want to lose this," I whispered, squeezing my eyes shut. I could feel the tears well, threatening to spill down my cheeks.

"You don't have to. You can stay here; my house is as much yours as it is mine."

"What about my life in L.A.? Come with me."

"And leave my family behind?" His voice was strained. It was breaking my heart. How could I ask him to leave Esme or Emmett behind?

"They may not be related by blood, but I have my family, too."

"So what? You have to leave me now, but you don't want to lose this? I'm almost forty, I'm too fucking old for long distance. I know what I want, and I don't want to spend more of my life missing out on it."

"I don't want to miss out either. I want this, I want you, I want … I want so many things. I want to come home from work and know you will be there. I want to be in your arms. I want to wake up to your smile. I never knew I would want this. But I have responsibilities, obligations, contracts …" My voice faded out.

"This is about contracts? How many do you have? How long are you contractually obligated to someone else? How long are you going to be away from me?"

"A year at most," I whispered.

He scrubbed a hand over his face. I'd memorized the sound the stubble of his beard made. "A year?"

"A year," I repeated.

"A year … isn't bad. Right?"

"It will be over before we know it. And I could come visit you and you could come see me. I'll show you around." It sounded desperate.

"Right. And after that year, we can see how things are and figure out a middle ground for the both of us. Somewhere that we can both agree on." He sounded equally as desperate, as though he was fighting to pretend that this was all okay. We both knew it wasn't okay.

I turned over as best I could on the sofa so that I could look at his face. I touched the hollow of his cheek, the hard line of his jaw.

"We will make this work," I whispered against his lips.

Soft kisses turned to a frenzy. It was either kiss or cry.

**Edward POV**

Retirement. Retirement seemed like such a good idea at this point.

_Why was it that I just found her again and we have to be separated once more? _

_Oh yeah. We both have professional lives._

It took everything in me to not say "Fuck my professional life." The little angel perched on my shoulder who was pushing me to stay with my job looked alarmingly like Bree, so I opted to stay working and not run away from my responsibilities just so I could hole up in Bella's apartment with her and never leave her side again.

It said a lot that I cared so much about Bella that I even contemplated leaving my family behind. Because, truth be told, I wanted _Bella _to be my family.

The thought scared me and excited me at the same time.

Even though we'd talked on the phone every day for the last month and a half, it wasn't enough for me. I physically ached to hold her, to have her in my arms, to kiss her, to be with her. I knew that she didn't have any work obligations this weekend, so I set into motion plans to visit her.

_No more excuses. This is happening this weekend, whether she likes it or not._

_Though, not gonna lie, I hope that she likes it. I hope she's excited to see me._

The plane touched down, and I waited until I collected my luggage to call Bella. I didn't really have a plan outside of getting into L.A., because my plans were completely dependent on what she had planned for herself that weekend.

It didn't matter to me what we did, as long as we did it together.

Bella's phone rang and she picked up on the second ring.

"Bella?"

"Hi, Edward."

I could hear the smile in her voice.

"Hey. Hi. Yeah. What're you, uh, up to?"

"Just finishing up some touch-ups from a shoot and thinking about dinner. What about you?"

_Shit! How did I not think through this before I called her! I have no idea how to tell her that I wanna see her. What if she doesn't have time for me? What if she doesn't actually want to see me?_

"Oh, uhm." _ Think Edward, think. And do it fucking fast. _"I was thinking about getting some dinner, too. Have any suggestions?"

"I was thinking Chinese, or maybe Thai. There is this great Thai place not too far from me."

"Really? Where would that be?"

"About three blocks down from my place. I think I'll get them to deliver though."

"Hmm, Thai sounds good, actually." I cleared my throat, trying to keep myself from smiling. "How far do you think they are from the airport?"

"What? The Thai place? Why does that matter?"

"I just wanted to know if I had you order for me, if they'd beat me to your apartment."

There was silence on the other end of the line, and then I could hear her breath hitch.

"You're here?" She sounded hopeful, as though she wasn't sure I meant what I said.

"Yeah, I am. See, there's this crazy amazing woman that I just can't seem to live without, and it's been too long since I've seen her. I had to come visit before I went fucking nuts." My heart was beating erratically; I was scared to death that she didn't want to see me.

"How long until you get here?" My fears were set aside; the excitement in her voice was palpable.

"Not sure. I, uh, don't really know my way around very well. Should it be hard for me to get a cab? If it isn't, I'll be there as fast as a cab can take me."

"There should be tons of cabs at the airport. Just hurry …"

She didn't have to tell me twice. I found a cab, gave him Bella's address, and before I knew it, I was on my way to her house.

_To Bella._

I could barely contain my excitement. Traffic be damned, I was going to be with Bella in a matter of moments.

We pulled up in front of her apartment, a really posh looking triplex. I got out of the cab, paid the driver, and walked up to her door. I wasn't even able to knock on it before it opened, and Bella threw herself into my arms, causing me to drop my suitcase.

"Oh God, Bella. I missed you so fucking much." I snuggled my head into her neck, breathing in her scent. She held me tight. I could feel every part of her.

"I didn't think this would be so hard," she whispered.

"Oh, baby, I _knew_it would be this hard." I placed a kiss on her neck, sucking on her pulse point and reveling in the fact that I had Bella in my arms once more, and I had a good few days before I had to think about letting her go.

She kissed me hard and pulled me into her entryway, closing the door behind us. I was immediately surrounded by everything that was so insanely _Bella _that I could hardly contain my excitement to explore.

What I could tell right away was that her apartment was open concept and every bit as eclectic as her bedroom in Forks was. I couldn't help my smile when I realized that now the things making Bella's space her own were a little more grown up in theme than the items that once resided in the room she shared with Jasper.

Her walls were brightly colored; pictures adorned every space my eyes landed on.

"Wanna show me around?"

"Oh, yeah! I'm just so glad you're here. I forgot you've never been here."

I chuckled. "Probably doesn't help that I invited myself over without giving you any kind of heads up, huh?"

"Well, it is kind of a mess in here … it doesn't matter."

"It's not a mess. I think it's perfect."

She beamed, grabbed my hand, and then started the tour.

"Well, here's the living room, dining room, and kitchen. It's all pretty open, as you can see." She led him to a set of stairs off the back of the kitchen. "Up here are a couple of spare bedrooms - one is my office slash studio." She stopped in front of a closed door and paused. "And this is my bedroom." She opened the door to let me step inside.

"It's remarkable, Bella. I really love it."

"It's nothing like your place; this is just thrown together."

"My place?" I looked around her bedroom, taking in the huge bed that was framed with pieces of fabric hanging from the ceiling, almost making the bed look like a Sultan's tent. Pillows filled the space on her bed, and more pictures hung on her walls. "You're right; our places are nothing alike. Yours actually has some character."

"Don't knock your place. It's beautiful, and you made it with your own two hands."

"That means nothing to me, Bella. But this place? God, it fucking _screams _your personality. And honestly, it's gonna take all that's in me to leave it to go back to my own place."

"You could just stay here," she said coyly as she pulled me further into her room.

I took a deep breath, wishing with all my might that I really could. But my work obligations and family wouldn't appreciate me moving away without any kind of notice. "Oh, Bella, I wish …" I trailed off, unable to continue my sentence.

Truthfully, I wished for so many things.

_… To take back the last fourteen years._

_… To never let you think anything other than the fact that I love you more than life itself._

_… To have you be mine, forever._

"Shhhhh..." she whispered, pulling me closer. Her lips met mine in an achingly sweet kiss. "No wishes, let's just have now."

I returned her kiss, reveling in her taste. My body reacted immediately. I wanted to be with Bella, but I didn't want us to be aggressive in any way. No more angry sex.

I wrapped my arms around her, one hand sliding up her back to wrap in her hair and the other cupping her ass. I ground my erection against her stomach. "You drive me crazy," I whispered against her lips. Bella moaned in response.

"Don't make me wait," she said breathlessly.

I pulled back from her, tracing my fingers along her cheek. She looked up into my eyes, questioning, aroused. With slow, deliberate movements, I slid my hands under her shirt and carefully pulled it over her head, throwing it to the floor. I sucked a breath through my teeth; Bella wasn't wearing a bra. I cupped a breast, brushing my thumb across the hardening nipple.

Her eyes darkened.

I walked Bella backwards until her knees hit the edge of the mattress. I eased her down amongst the pillows, spreading her legs with my body. She was so beautiful. Leaning forward I kissed a path from her navel up to her neck. She arched her torso, offering me her breasts.

"Please, Edward," she begged.

I took a nipple into my mouth and teased, sucking and gently biting. Her groan made my cock throb. I wanted this to be slow, to be sweet and sensual, but I wasn't going to last. I needed her.

Reaching between us, I undid her pants and pushed at them. Bella arched her hips, making it easier to remove them. Denim and lacy panties fell to the floor.

"You're wearing too many clothes," she whispered.

I grazed her nipple with my teeth once before pushing away from the bed. I took my time unbuttoning my shirt, my pants. I couldn't look away from her, naked and spread out before me. This was my life giving herself to me.

"Edward..." She ran her hands over her body, cupping her breasts, moving lower and lower, palming her bare mound.

I dropped to my knees, putting her legs over my shoulders, pulling her closer to me.

"You smell so good and taste even better."

Bella whimpered as I nuzzled her labia with my nose. Her thighs tried to close around my head as I licked away the wetness, my tongue sliding between her folds and circling her clit lazily. I could feel her fingers winding through my hair, trying to push my head where she wanted me, but this was my moment to give back to her.

I could feel the tension building in her body, her hips arching to meet my mouth, kitten-like whimpers escaping her lips. I teased and taunted until the tension reached a peak and she fell apart with my name as a gasping breath. I smiled to myself as Bella tried to catch her breath, but I didn't want her to come down from her orgasmic high.

Rising, I pushed her back on the bed and positioned myself between her legs, my cock nudging the warm, wet opening of her vagina. In one swift motion I thrust into her, sliding deep within her tight walls. Her legs immediately wrapped around my waist as I thrust into her body, slow and steady.

Our eyes locked as our breathing quickened. It was a perfect connection, body, mind, spirit.

"Edward," she whispered, "you are the other half of my soul."

Her words shattered my control.

"God, I love you, Bella."

Her legs tightened around me as I thrust harder.

"Edward!" she gasped, and I could feel the walls of her vagina contract, pulling me deeper, caressing me.

It was my undoing, and I came shortly after her.

I opened my eyes to see her looking up at me with a cheeky smile.

"Think we could do that again?"

I laughed softly and kissed her beautiful lips. "Give me a minute. I'm not as young as I once was." I rolled off her and pulled her into my arms.

"I'm glad you're here."

"Me too, baby, me too."

XXX

Bella excused herself to go use the bathroom, and I took advantage of the fact that she wasn't in the room anymore to study some of the pictures hanging on the walls.

The photos were scattered around; some were pinned to the wall, some hanging down from a line strung across the wall. It looked as though she'd set out to put up a few pictures, and a few became a lot, causing them to overflow.

To be honest, it was perfectly Bella.

I leaned in closer, desperate to get a good view of the pictures.

Some pictures were old, taken by a high-school aged Bella. Those featured her and Jasper primarily, with a few snuck in of Bella's father. A couple of a very wild Irina were interspersed throughout the sea of Bella and Charlie and Jasper pictures, and I was focusing on a picture of Bella with Irina when a new picture caught my eye.

It was a recent one of me and Bella, and to be honest, I was completely surprised that I'd "made the cut" of being on her wall. Along with the picture of us, I'd noticed that she had a few of me and my family up, too.

It seemed final. It seemed perfect. It seemed … right, like I was meant to be up there, among pictures of the other people that she'd cared about enough to capture their images and display them for anyone in her house to see.

"Whatcha looking at?" she asked softly, wrapping her arms around me.

"These pictures. You have pictures of me? I feel … honored, I guess?"

"Why wouldn't I have pictures of you?"

"I don't know. It just seems surreal, especially since you gave me all of our old pictures back before, when … yeah. Those pictures tormented me. I remember thinking that you'd removed me from your captured images, and I never thought that I'd be able to right that wrong."

"I tried to remove you from my universe, gave the pictures back, but I learnt that once something is captured, it can never truly be destroyed." She paused a moment, her lips pressing against my back. "That was a long time ago. The universe unfolds continuously, and now is for capturing where we are and where we will go."

As I listened to her, all I could think was that my visit was temporary, and in a couple of days, I was going to be leaving her again. Obviously, we'd still be able to talk every day, but it was different.

I never wanted to be without her, ever again.

I had to do something. And sooner rather than later.

**Bella POV**

"Don't be fucking snappy with me, darling!" Irina huffed.

I moved the phone to my other ear and sighed. I didn't mean to take it out on Irina. I was frustrated and burnt out and frustrated some more.

"I'm sorry. I'm just in a funk."

"A funk? Did you have a fight with the Edward? Do I need to defend my Bella?" Despite her flakiness, Irina could be fiercely loyal and protective.

"No, pumpkin. We didn't have a fight."

"So what is it, darling? Tell Irina."

"I'm just tired and frustrated, pumpkin. I want Edward here. I want to be with Edward in Seattle. I'm just … I'm just tired of the distance."

"What is that thing they say? Absence makes the heart grow fonder?"

"Absence makes Bella a grumpy guts. Why is this so hard, Irina? Why have I let a man twist me up and make me feel incomplete when he isn't around? I used to be a whole person, at least one that didn't mope or become so easily frustrated."

"It is hard because you are in love, darling. Love turns us into pretzels. If you weren't frustrated and sad and lonely, I would be worried."

"I do love him, pumpkin. More than I think he knows."

"He knows, darling. He only needs to look into your eyes to figure it out."

"Do you think so?"

"Darling, you glow when you are with him and talk about him and think about him."

"I just wish we could be together all the time. I miss him. I miss his touch, the sound of his voice when he laughs, the way he looks at me when he thinks I'm not looking, the way -"

Irina laughed. "I understand, darling. You miss the Edward and everything about him. Listen, the distance will only bring you together, and in time there won't even be distance. You will leave Irina and be in the arms of your Edward."

"How could I leave you?"

"Oh, you will, darling and I will be happy for you. You need him and he needs you. It is easy enough to see. Just be patient, my little lamb."

"Thanks, Irina."

"You listen to Irina. I know things, but now I've got to go, darling. Boxes to lick!"

"Bye, pumpkin." I hung up the phone.

The visits weren't enough; they were a tease. A weekend together, maybe a week if we were lucky, but then it would all end. Each time we separated, he would take a piece of my heart and a morsel of my sanity. The line where our souls stitched together ached. It was as though we weren't complete unless we revolved around each other, and that required being in closer proximity.

The distance was killing me. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. It makes the heart ache for the one you can't be with. Whoever came up with that phrase clearly didn't have a soul mate.

**Edward POV  
**  
I wasn't sure how to approach the topic, but I was at my wits' end. I couldn't go much longer without having Bella live with me. I'd spent far too much time living without her, and I wasn't going to waste a moment longer.

As long as living with me was what she wanted, that is. There was always a chance that she'd say that she'd rather not live with me, that she'd rather do her own thing in her own place, and that thought fucking gutted me.

Bella had flown to Seattle as soon as her last contract was fulfilled. We hadn't really talked about what was going to happen now that she wasn't legally tied to anything, and the suspense had been killing me.

I was done with the uncertainty. I decided to make my wants known because I couldn't stand wondering "what if" anymore.

Since Bella had come back to town, I'd done my best to wine and dine her. Well, as much as she could be wined and dined in Seattle. My plan tonight was to bring her to my favorite restaurant and lay it all on the line.

As soon as we were seated at the restaurant, I watched Bella as she scanned the menu. I already knew what I wanted, so I took the time to watch her and study her movements instead of browsing the food selections.

She seemed normal - not antsy, flustered, or upset. I took a deep breath and placed my menu down, set in the fact that I was going to ask her to move in with me. There were no alarm bells going off, telling me to stop, so I figured that there was no better time than the present.

After we ordered our food, that is. I didn't want to be interrupted once we started talking about cohabitation.

Once we'd ordered our meals, I watched as Bella took a sip from her drink. I took a sip of my scotch, hoping for a little bit of liquid courage.

_Here goes nothing …_

"So, Seattle. How're you liking it so far?"

"I've been here before, Edward. I like Seattle," she said, smiling at me.

"Right, yeah, I know that." I took another sip of my drink. "I'm just wondering about how much you like … the idea of living here."

"Is that your round-about way of asking me to move here?"

"I'm really fucking nervous right now … I'm sorry. But yeah, that's what I'm trying to say." I ran a hand through my hair and tugged on the ends, knowing that I was fucking this whole thing up. This wasn't romantic; it wasn't what Bella deserved - it was my idiot self, stumbling through life like a high schooler again.

"Why are you so nervous?"

"Because I can't think of anything I've ever wanted more than you, and if you don't want to live here with me … then I don't know what I would do. I'd follow you anywhere, but my home is here. I mean, wherever you are is where my home is, but my family is here, and they're all I've had for the last decade …"

_I'm babbling. What the fuck is wrong with me?_

"Wait," her breath hitched. "You want me to live with you?"

"Of course. Why? Is that moving too fast? Is that too much for you?"

"No, I'm just..." She looked down at the table for a few long moments before looking up into my eyes. "I mean, I have, there are things... Yes, I'll move in with you."

"Things? What - what kind of things?" I swallowed, my mouth already numb from the alcohol. "You don't have to move in with me. I mean, I just … fuck, I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying. I want you, regardless of whatever things you need me to work on or do to get you to move in with me."

_I reek of desperation right now. It'd be pathetic if I didn't love Bella so fucking much._

"I have a life and friends and complications back in L.A., but it doesn't matter. I want to be with you, and that means making changes, good changes. I'd still need to travel, but home would be with you, wherever you are."

"Complications? What kind of complications?" I could feel my heart start to beat faster - I was so fucking scared as to what her answer might be.

"I'd need to get out of my lease, make arrangements to have my things moved. Nothing that I couldn't handle. It just might take me a bit."

"That's it?" I cleared my throat. "There isn't anything else that's 'complicating' things?"

"I may have to pry Irina off of me, but that's it."

"Pry Irina?" I smiled, thinking about how feisty that woman was. "Remind her that she's always welcome at our place, no matter where we live."

"I won't tell her that! She'll move in and take over!" Bella laughed.

"Your family is my family, Bella. Don't forget that."

"You wouldn't want Irina living with us, trust me. She'd sit on the edge of the bed and have a conversation with me while you and I fucked. I love her, but she's a bit of a strange pumpkin."

"Yeah, not sure I want an audience while we're having sex, but I don't want you to think that you have to give anything away to be with me. To live with me."

"I'm not giving anything up, just changing things." She took my hand in both of hers. "I want to live with you. I want to share space, see what the universe brings us. It's too frustrating living apart."

I took a deep breath and decided to talk about the next point of business.

"Did you want to share my home? Did you want to look for a new one together? Or did you want me to design and build you a new place? I want you to be as comfortable as possible."

"Your home is beautiful. Do you think you could handle my eclectic mess?" she asked with a cheeky grin.

"My home has been waiting for your eclectic mess since I built it."

* * *

**E/N: Reviews, as always, get teasers. And you wanna get a teaser for the last chapter, right?**

**The last chapter is, honestly, my favorite. Just sayin'.**

**So, whatcha think? Love it? Hate it? Don't even remember what the story is about anymore? Let us know! **

**We're on twitter, come say hi! PaigeParkker and MichelleMMarie (separate accounts, obviously. Heh heh).**

**And, if any of you care and for some miracle reason are still reading this ridiculous A/N, Michelle has a new story that she's already written and posts it every Wednesday. The story is called "At Last" - check it out … if you want. I guess? I don't know, I'm not gonna force you to do anything. Except for let us know what you thought about this chapter! DOOOO ITTTTT! (Muwahahaha!)**


	35. A Promise Made is a Promise Kept

**A/N: This is it, folks! The last chapter for the story that was almost three years in the making. To say it is surreal … that would be an understatement.**

**I honestly feel like crying. In fact, I think I'm gonna! PAIGE, HOLD MEEEEEEEE!**

**Thanks, as always, to SqueakyZorro and TRDancer for their mad beta skills. Without you guys, this would look like poop (hey, I can say that! I'm TERRIBLE with grammar. JS).**

**And now, because I feel like I have to, I'm gonna write a pseudo love-letter to my co-author, PaigeParkker. Paige, the phrase "thank you" doesn't even come close to covering the gratefulness I feel because you let me go into this endeavor with you. The day you came up with this concept was one of the most creative and fun days ever. Thank you SO SO SO SO SO much for allowing me to write your Edward. I heart you big time. For serious. You're the best co-author a girl could ask for!  
**

**And now, for the last time, on with the show.**

* * *

**Edward POV**

I felt like a sneaky asshole as I stole Bella's phone without her knowledge.

_Hey, you needed her dad's phone number and Jasper's phone number … if you came right out and asked for it, she'd suspect something. You gotta do what you gotta do._

I was over at Bella's place, helping her pack up some of her stuff. A month had passed since I'd asked her to move in with me, and the process was slow - she had a lease to break and her belongings to pack up.

And this woman had a lot of belongings. Thank God my house was pretty empty.

I must've known when I was building it that I was just waiting for Bella's stuff to fill the place up and make the house into a home. I wasn't lying when I told her that I was ready for her clutter. I was anticipating it.

Bella was talking with Irina and packing up another box when I excused myself. I'd decided to try my luck with arranging a meeting with Charlie first.

The phone rang a few times before Charlie picked up.

"Hello?" a gruff sounding Charlie answered.

"Mr. Swan? It's Edward Cullen. I was wondering if you had a moment to speak with me?"

"Edward." There was a long pause. "What can I do ya for, Edward?"

"I was hoping that you'd be able to meet me within the next week or so. I'd come to you, of course. You'd just have to decide where you'd want to meet."

"What's this about, Edward? Is my Bells okay?"

"She's fine, Mr. Swan. There's just something that I wanted to talk to you about, and I figured it would be best to do it in person."

"All right. Well, other than fishin' I got plenty of time. How about Friday?"

_Friday … I'd be back in Washington by then. I'd be able to cancel the one meeting I had for that morning and drive up to Forks, no problem._

"Friday works just fine, Mr. Swan."

"I'll be 'round all day," he said before hanging up.

I had one person down and one to go.

As comforting as that was, I felt a quick bout of panic spread through my veins.

_Shoulda gotten Jasper done with first since he's obviously going to be the hardest one to talk to._

I peeked inside the door and noticed that Bella was still tied up with Irina. _Thank you, Irina, for unknowingly keeping Bella busy for me. _I pulled the piece of paper that had the other phone number written down on it and dialed the number before shoving the paper back into my pocket.

"Jasper speaking,"

"Jasper. Hi. It's Edward Cullen. Do you, uh, have a moment to talk?"

"Edward Cullen. That's a blast from the past. What's up?"

"I was wondering if I could come visit you?" I took a deep breath. "I know that it's seemingly random for me to ask that, but I promise you that I have a reason for it."

"Visit? Sorry if this seems a bit, well, rude, but what possible reason would you want to visit me for? If I remember correctly, we weren't exactly friends in high school. I mean, time passes, what could you possibly wanna see me about?"

"Bella. I want to talk to you about Bella."

"Bella? Is she okay?"

"Of course she's okay. I just … I wanted to talk to you about something, and I'd rather do it in person. But if you truly aren't okay with that, I get it, and if we need to, we can have this conversation over the phone."

"Uhm, okay, sure, I guess we could meet up. I'm in Vancouver these days with Alice and the kids. Maybe we could meet up at a coffee shop or something."

"When would work best for you?"

"Sometime this weekend. Alice is taking the kids to her parents'. Say, Saturday? There is a cafe not far from me. Gimme a call and I'll give you directions."

_A trip to Forks on Friday and a trip to Vancouver on Saturday? Well, looks like I'll be getting this all done in one straight shot, won't I?_

"That sounds great. I'll fly out either late Friday or early Saturday then."

"Okay, Edward. I guess I'll see you then."

"Thank you, Jasper. I know you don't owe me anything, so seriously, this means a lot to me."

XXX

I nervously tapped on my steering wheel as I approached the town of Forks. It had been so long since I'd been there - since before the "Rosalie and Carlisle" fiasco, for sure. I knew that those two assholes still lived here, so I'd stayed away completely.

In my sheer nervousness, I'd forgotten to ask Chief Swan _where _exactly he'd wanted to meet me, so I figured that I may as well just drive up to the place that I'd last known him to live.

Judging by the old fishing boat parked in the front yard, I was most likely looking at the residence of Charlie Swan, retired police chief.

I parked in the driveway that I hadn't parked in for about fifteen years, and I couldn't help the memories that flooded back to me.

For the first time in my life, those memories didn't haunt me or cause me heartbreak. They gave me hope.

I walked up to the door, knocked and waited… and waited… until I eventually heard heavy footsteps coming closer to the door. The door opened.

"Is it Edward?"

His frame filled the doorway. Charlie had aged since the last time I'd seen him - his hair was greying more than just around the temples, giving him a much more distinguished look.

As if the town's former police chief needed to be any more intimidating.

"Chief Swan, sir?"

"That's me." He paused, giving me the once over. "Guess the polite thing to do would be to invite you in." He stepped aside to let me in.

"Thank you for having me over today. I, uh, have something important that I'd like to talk to you about."

"I was thinking about why you would want to come visit, especially having some to do with my Bells." He eyed me. "You want to marry my daughter."

"Oh," I said, genuinely surprised at how he cut right to the point. "Yes sir, that's what I'm, uh, here to talk to you about."

"Well, spit it out."

_Well shit. Maybe I should've drank a little less coffee this morning, because I suddenly have the fucking shakes right now._

I took a few deep breaths to center myself.

"I'm in love, so in love, with your daughter. And I know that I haven't done anything to prove my worthiness to you, Mr. Swan, but I promise that I will work each and every day to make her happy. It would mean the world to me if I could have your permission to ask Isabella to marry me."

"My permission?" He laughed long and hard. "That girl always was her own person. I don't think it would matter if I gave my permission or not. You think she wants to marry you?"

I smiled thinking about Bella, how she was different than anyone I'd ever met. "Sir, I know that Bella will do what she wants, no matter what anyone says. But I want to do right by this woman, and I'm asking your permission to ask because I'd want you to approve."

I ran a hand through my hair. "And yeah, I hope that she'll say yes. Someday, at least."

"You'll make her happy?"

"I'll spend every day trying."

"Well, go on ahead. Not that my permission really matters."

I smiled. "Charlie, given our past, your permission means the world to me."

XXX

I was exhausted. Once I was done talking to Charlie, I had to race to the airport so I could catch a flight to Vancouver to talk to Jasper.

I'd caught my flight, but only narrowly. As I was sitting in my seat on the airplane, I felt my heart start to race.

_The last time I had contact with Jasper face to face, he kicked my ass. And rightfully so. _

_This should be fun._

As soon as I arrived in Vancouver, I pulled out my cell phone and called Jasper, anxious to find out where to meet him.

I wasn't able to finish calling him when I realized that I had another call coming in. It was Bella.

"Hello?" _Shit shit shit shit - I hope that she can't hear anything that gives away that I'm at the airport. In Canada. And obviously not on a business trip._

"Heya, sexy. Just wondering how the business trip is going. Do you miss me?"

"Always. I always miss you."

"I miss you, too. Everything went with the movers. The place looks different empty. Soulless."

"No, not soulless. In transition." My brow furrowed. "You … you're okay with moving, right?"

"I'm excited to be with you, Edward. I'm just... I just never thought this is where I would be. The universe speaks."

"What's the universe saying?" The way that Bella was hinting at the move being wrong for her … it was killing me. But I would do anything for her, I would move away if that's what she wanted …

"Take a snapshot. I'm moving thousands of miles to be with the boy I gave my heart to as a teenager, a boy who is now a man... a man who is the other half of my soul. I never thought this is where I would be. And I'm happy it is where I am."

"I'm happy that it's where you are, too. I'm so in love with you, it's ridiculous. But I don't want you to feel like you're pressured to do anything that you don't want to."

"I don't feel pressured, Edward. I want this."

I smiled. "I want you. Forever. I'll always want you. You moving? This is forever for me. You get that, right?"

"I get it, Edward. My flight is soon, so I need to get to the airport. When will you be back at our house?"

"Soon." _I hope._

"Okay, well, I better jet. I love you and I'll see you soon."

"I love you, too. Travel safe."

"You too, Edward."

I hung up the phone and re-dialed Jasper before I could lose my nerve.

_She loves you. Don't forget how much she loves you, even if Jasper doesn't approve of your relationship._

Jasper answered the phone and gave me directions where to meet him. I was able to successfully hail myself a cab and head to our meeting place.

As the cab pulled up to where I was to meet Jasper, I had myself do a double take. _He wanted to meet at this cafe? I must be at the wrong place._Surely Jasper didn't want to meet at this yuppie hangout, right?

Nonetheless, I walked inside and scanned the room for the Jasper that I'd remembered: fit, dreadlocks, unique clothing.

Instead, I found a Jasper that I'd barely recognized, one that had put on a little weight, had a short and neat haircut, and was wearing khakis and a tee shirt.

_Khakis and a fucking tee shirt? Did I step into the Twilight Zone?_

I'd greeted him with an unsure, "Jasper?"

"Edward." He stood and offered his hand in greeting. "It's been a long time."

"Yeah." I looked at his head, unable to grasp that he wasn't anything like I'd remembered him. "It really has."

"So, how've you been? Bella mentioned that you were a bigwig in construction," he said, settling back in his chair.

I sat down across from him. "Yeah, looking at getting out of that. I've been working in a film studio for the last year or so. I'm thinking about maybe devoting my time there a little more. What about you? What have you been up to? I know that you and Alice got married and had some kids."

_And you changed completely. Wonder when that happened … if it was your doing, Alice's doing, or just growing up in general?_

"Yeah, Alice and I. We have two kids and a bun in the oven. I do some graphic design work and Alice is a teacher. We have a great life here. We're very happy." He paused to take a sip of coffee. "What about you? Been married? Kids?"

I shook my head. "Not married, no kids. But, uhm, that's kind of what I wanted to talk to you about."

"Talk to me about marriage? Kids? Sorry if I find this all a little strange."

"I understand that this may come out of left field for you, but I wanted to talk about marriage with you as it pertains to Bella."

"Marriage and Bella. I don't follow..." His voice trailed off. "Wait, you want to marry Bella?"

"I do. And, since you are the same soul, I figured that I should get permission to ask from you before I do anything."

"My permission? Whew..." He took a sip of his coffee. "That's quite the gesture."

"I find it to be more of a necessity." I cleared my throat. "Listen, I know that Bella is gonna do whatever she wants to do, but it would mean so much to me if, given our past, you at least … approved of our relationship."

"I don't know what to say, Edward. The last time I remember the two of you together, you broke her heart and crushed her spirit. I know we all grow up, and our goals and priorities change." He was quiet for a several long minutes. "She talked about you many months ago, and she seemed excited. I just worry for her heart and spirit."

"I understand your concerns, but I promise you that I only have her best wishes in mind. I've lived so long without her, lived so long knowing the huge mistake that I'd made; and knowing that, I can promise you that I'd never intentionally hurt her, ever again. She is the most important thing in the world to me, and I love her with everything I have." I straightened up in my chair. "I know you don't know me anymore, and I'd really like to rectify that, but I promise you that I've learned from my past, and I know that Bella is too important to me to not do right by her."

"She always did love you, thought you were her soul mate. We're not teenagers anymore, and I know it's not a teenage romance. I just hope that you really see how special Bella is. That you protect her and give her space to thrive. She's a truly wonderful spirit. And if you make her happy, and she makes you happy … you have my permission."

"I want to make her happy more than anything. And she is my soul mate, she always has been. Time, distance, and stupid decisions haven't changed that."

"Then I hope she says 'yes'."

Jasper reached forward to shake my hand. I grabbed his hand and shook it.

"I've been dating Bella again for a year now, and I'm just now seeing you? Isn't there something wrong with this picture?"

"I haven't seen Bella for over a year. It's been months since we've chatted by phone. Life gets busy."

"Two peas in a pod means something though, right? It's always easy to pick up a phone and make a call."

"You're right," he smiled. "I should make more of an effort." He paused briefly. "Maybe when you're all good and engaged, or married, maybe the two of you could come and visit me and the family. I'd love for Bella to see the kids."

"How long has it been since she's seen them? We don't have to be engaged to see you. As long as we can find a time that works for all of us, I can book flights out to see you guys."

"She's never really met the kids. I always came to meet her, or we chatted by phone. Alice never really got over the kind of - well, that doesn't matter. I'd like to not be strangers anymore. I miss Bella and it seems you and I need to get to know each other again."

"Alice never got over what?"

"The kind of relationship Bella and I had. It doesn't matter, though. It was a long time ago."

"It was a long time ago. But that relationship? It meant the world to Bella. So if there's anything that I can do to help repair what happened to your friendship, let me know, and I'll do it."

"I think that's something for Alice and me to work out," he said with a small smile. "She can be a little jealous, but I love her for it." He finished his coffee and checked his watch. "I'd like to have more of a friendship with Bella. I do miss her. It's something to be built."

"Jealous? Of a girl who, time and time again, had proven that nothing between the two of you went any farther that a few orgasms?" I cleared my throat, remembering how pissed I was at first, but I got over the fact that Bella was different and her relationship with Jasper was different. "Then I can see why it would make a difference to Alice if Bella and I were engaged to be married. But even if Bella doesn't say yes, we would still be together. A piece of paper wouldn't change what we mean to each other."

"We both know that, but it would make Alice a little more comfortable. Hell, after all this time, she might not even care, but I'm just thinking worst case - and with all the pregnancy hormones." He laughed.

I wanted to beat the shit out of Jasper. I didn't care what kind of situation they'd found themselves in, a good partner would never ask their significant other to give up their friends. There was a reason why the issue of trust was considered one of the most important elements in a successful relationship.

_Wait._

"Pregnant again?" _These two bastards must be really fertile._The idea of me knowing that Jasper was having another kid before Bella did struck me as odd, so I held my hand up before Jasper was able to respond. "Don't answer that. I wouldn't want to know before Bella does."

"No worries. It's our last. I'll tell Bella about him soon enough or send a picture of him when he's born - whatever comes first."

_Seriously? He'd wait until the baby was born to tell Bella about him? How could Jasper care so little about keeping Bella updated with his life? She was fucking _family_ for chrissakes._

I studied him once more - the haircut, the preppy fucking shirt - and realized yet again that the Jasper that Bella had known was gone. They might be able to repair their relationship, but it would never be the same.

From what I could tell, Jasper didn't want it to be the same. He had Alice, a brood of children, and, most likely, a boring job.

_Thank God Bella never let anyone change her. She's perfect the way she is._

I smiled half-heartedly at Jasper, still unable to grasp that he willingly let his relationship with Bella deteriorate. Although I'd done the same thing years before, I'd done it for other reasons.

I felt my fists clench at my sides.

Jasper's reasons were most likely all selfish. Had he known that his decisions were going to effectively cut Bella out of his life? I hoped not.

"I hope that you get to call her before." I gave him another half-hearted smile. _Can he see how much he's making me want to punch him? I hope not. I don't want to fuck this up before he's even able to get in touch with Bella again._

"When are you planning on proposing? I'll give her a call after that."

"She's in the process of moving to Seattle right now. I was going to do it as soon as I can find the right moment."

"I'll give her a call in a few weeks then. I won't mention our meeting just in case."

_Just in case … she says no? I don't get the chance to ask? I don't get the balls to ask? _I didn't want to know what scenario Jasper was referring to.

"That sounds good, Jasper."

"It was good to see you, man. I better shove off and get home. I have a crib to build."

I said my goodbyes and headed out the door in search of a cab. I had an airport to get to and a woman to ask to be my wife.

XXX

Esme couldn't contain her excitement when I asked her for her mother's ring.

"Good _God, _am I glad that I didn't give this to Emmett!" She placed the old ring box in my hand.

"Emmett asked for Grandma's ring?"

"Hell no." My mom laughed. "Rosalie wanted bigger. But still, I was always worried that one of my boys would ask for this ring, and I wouldn't want to give it up. But for Bella? I _want _Bella to wear this."

I leaned forward and gave my mom a hug. "That means a lot to me."

She pulled back and cupped my face with her hands. "Good luck, baby. Make her my daughter, okay?"

XXX

I was so fucking nervous that I actually looked down to the ground to see if I'd paced a hole in the floor. Bella was busy unpacking her last box of necessities, so I don't think she'd noticed that I was so fidgety.

I'd been waiting for the best moment to pop the question for the last few weeks. At first, I decided to take her out to dinner and ask her to marry me "the old fashioned way." But that didn't feel right; Bella wasn't the kind of girl who'd want to pull a ring out of her dessert.

Bella deserved something special, something unique. Something completely … Bella.

So I sat around for weeks, trying to come up with a better idea. I finally decided on taking Bella out on a walk so we could "commune with nature," and the day that I'd decided that kicked off a two-week rain bout.

So here I was, pacing the floor, looking at Bella as she finalized integrating our lives. I'd had the permission of her same soul, her father, the ring was in my pocket, and thank fucking _God _it wasn't raining out.

It was a good day to propose.

"Bella? Do you have a second?"

"Yeah, just let me break down this box and I'm all yours."

"Sounds good." _Fuck fuck fuck, my heart is going to explode out of my chest right about now. I'm so freaking nervous about this … what if I do it wrong? What if she says no? What if she decides that she doesn't want what I want in our relationship and she wants to move out?_

Bella broke down the box and placed it in the pile with the others. "What's up?" she asked, wiping her hands on her jeans.

"I, uh, would you like to take a walk with me?"

"Yeah, sure, something wrong? Is it the wooden elephant? I could always get rid of it if you don't like it."

I couldn't help but nervously laugh. "No, everything is fine. Even the wooden elephant. He stays for as long as you want him to stay."

"Okay. Well, lead the way."

I stopped to grab a jacket for both of us in case it was cold outside and ushered Bella out the door. "I thought that we could walk to a little stream that I found on the property line."

"I'd like that." She was silent for several minutes while we walked. "Are you happy, Edward?"

"Of course I'm happy, Bella. Happier than I've ever been in my entire life."

She slipped her hand in mine, intertwining our fingers. "I'm happy, too. I should have moved out here sooner to be with you."

"You're happy with the move then?"

"Other than the packing and unpacking, I'm very happy."

"Good. Good." I ran my free hand through my hair before putting it in my pocket. I felt for my grandmother's ring, and when I found it, I squeezed my eyes tightly. I hoped that before the end of the day, the ring would find its place for the rest of our lives - on Bella's left hand.

But nothing was guaranteed. My past with Bella was anything but easy, that was for sure.

_What if she doesn't want to marry you? What if you lost the window of opportunity? Or she decides that she doesn't trust you enough to be married to you? Your father was a cheating asshole, after all …_

_… But you aren't your father. And Bella loves you. Stop over-thinking this and just ask Bella to be your wife._

We'd reached the stream, and I found a rock for us to sit on. I freed my hand from Bella's and reached into my pocket one last time before sitting down next to her.

"I remember back in high school when we'd go outside to commune with nature. I felt like I was able to see you, really see you, for the first time when it was just us."

"I remember smoking a lot of pot back then. I'm surprised you understood anything I said."

I smiled. "I knew you better than I knew myself."

"Back then, did you ever think you'd be here?"

"No, never. Back then … back then, my head was so far up my fucking ass that I couldn't have ever dreamed of one day deserving you. And I still don't deserve you, but I'm trying. Every day, I try to be the person that you need, the person you should be with. In high school, when I met you? My biggest worry was football practice and where I was gonna get my next blow job." I laughed nervously. "I was a piece of shit back then, Bella. I hate to be cliche, but you've honestly made me a better man."

"You had your endearing qualities, Shags," she said with a laugh. "Despite the douchebags in high school. You were never a piece of shit, just misguided at times. You made me fall in love with you … couldn't be all bad. I just need you to be you."

"You're the best thing that's ever happened to me. The best thing that ever possibly could happen to me." I pressed my hand against my pocket again, using the ring pressing against my palm to give me courage to finish what I'd started.

"I'm glad the universe gave me to you," she smiled looking at me.

"Bella." I took a deep, shaky breath. "I want you forever. You're it for me."

"I am yours."

I finally took the ring out of my pocket and dropped to one knee. "Be my wife."

"Edward!" she gasped, looking deeply into my eyes. She bit her bottom lip, and I could see tears welling.

"I love you so much, Bella. I always have. I can't believe that I met my soul mate in high school, but I did. And I can't wait another minute without everyone knowing that you're mine. Say you'll be mine."

"I'm yours; I've always been and always will be yours. Yes, Edward, I'll marry you." She slid down the rock so that we were level and leaned forward to kiss me while her arms wrapped around my body.

I pulled away from her and slipped the ring on her finger. "I can't wait to start the next part of our lives together."

Bella laughed. "Let's see how the universe unfolds."

* * *

**E/N:**

**So, what did you guys think? Did the story end the way you wanted it to? Paige and I were thinking about maybe writing some futuretakes, but right now, this seems right.**

**But who knows? The universe might have more for these two.**

**Thank you SO MUCH to all of you who have been here from the start and stuck around (especially Detochkina and KitKat681). Your words mean so much to Paige and I, and knowing that someone is still around reading this? It's a fucking good feeling.**

**So thank you all. From the bottom of my heart.**

**If for some reason you're wondering, I'm still writing, I have a story here on ff that I'm posting every Wednesday called "At Last". I'm gonna try to rope Paige into writing something with me again – I can't give up my "Paige connection"! If you're curious, keep me on author alert. Or don't, and creep on my profile every once and a while. It's all good.**

**I'm gonna go click "complete" now. And cry my eyes out.**


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